Karpman's triangle is either a social or psychological pattern of interaction between people in transactional analysis (a psychological model that serves to display and analyze human behavioral responses), first described by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman. This template outlines the three on-duty psychological roles that people typically take on in everyday situations, namely victim, persecutor (a person who exerts pressure), and rescuer (a person who intervenes with ostensibly good intentions to help the weak). In such a triangle, from two individuals to entire groups can rotate, but there will always be three roles. Participants in the Karpman triangle can sometimes change roles.

Description of the relationship model

The model under consideration implies the division of people, as described above, into three hypostases. Between the victim and the tyrant is born, the rescuer seeks to resolve the situation and save the victim. The specificity of the described model lies in its long course, that is, such a situation often persists for some time, arranging in some way each of the participants in the interaction. The persecutor, being a strong personality, persecutes those around him, the victim finds satisfaction in blaming the responsibility for his own failure on the environment, and the rescuer sees his own destiny in saving the “orphans and the poor” from difficult everyday situations.

The lifeguard character is the least obvious role. In Karpman's triangle, he is not the type of person who tends to help anyone in an emergency. The rescuer always has a mixed or secret motive, which is selfishly beneficial to him. He has a clear reason for solving the problem, so he seems to be putting in a lot of effort to solve it. At the same time, the rescuer also has a hidden reason in order to leave the problem unresolved, or to achieve the goal in a way that is beneficial to him.
For example, this character can feel self-respect, or feel like a so-called rescuer, or enjoy seeing that someone is bonded or trusts him. It seems to others that such a person acts solely out of a desire to help, but he is only playing with the character of the victim in order to continue to receive his own benefit.

Despite the clear distribution of roles in the Karpman triangle, people do not always remain in one incarnation, since it is difficult for them to constantly follow one position, so the victim often transforms into a pursuer, and the rescuer character becomes a victim. Here it is necessary to indicate that such metamorphoses are not characterized by stability, they are episodic.

Thus, the persecutor (dictator), the victim and the rescuer are the fundamental actors on whose relationship the Karpman triangle is built. The described model of interaction is often called co-dependent relationships. Such relationships are based on self-realization at the expense of another participant. So, for example, the character of the victim finds justification for himself in the "attacks" of the dictator, who, in turn, achieves satisfaction by subordinating the victim to himself. The rescuer, on the other hand, shows aggression towards the pursuer, explaining his own actions by protecting the victim. This situation is akin to a vicious circle, which is quite difficult to break due to the fact that the participants simply do not want it.

The role of the victim

The main feature of a person who voluntarily plays the role of a victim can be considered the lack of desire to lay responsibility for personal failures on their own shoulders. It is easier for him to shift problems and finding ways to solve them to the immediate environment. The typical behavior of individual victims is attempts to arouse pity in interlocutors, to arouse their sympathy. Often, the victim, by his own actions, provokes the appearance of the tyrant in order to get a chance to manipulate him in order to achieve his own selfish goals.

People who have taken the described position are convinced of the injustice of life and the flood of suffering in life. A subject who has such beliefs is full of fears, resentments and hesitation. He is prone to feelings of guilt, jealousy, feelings of shame and envy. His body is in a stable tension, which the individual himself does not notice, but, over time, this state gives rise to many different ailments.

Victims are afraid of the very process of existence, they are afraid of strong impressions. They are prone to depression and longing.
Even if an individual who is in the role of a victim leads an active way of being, he is still inert in his soul and lacks initiative. It lacks the desire for progress and movement.

It should be emphasized that Karpman assigned the central position in the triangle to the hypostasis of the victim. The role of the victim is key, since it can quickly transform into either a tyrant or a rescuer. At the same time, a person who plays this role does not change his own convictions in important aspects. He still tries to avoid any responsibility for personal actions.

In order to get out of this vicious circle of co-dependent relationships, recommendations have been developed for the victim, for example, such persons should try to change their own emotional state. They need to believe in the possibility of bringing change into their own existence and realize that personality is impossible without placing responsibility on their own shoulders.

The role of the pursuer

A despot, in accordance with his own nature, is focused on leadership and dominance over others. An individual in this role seeks to manipulate the victim, fully justifying his actions. The consequence of the described behavior of the pursuer is the resistance of the object of attacks. By pacifying such a protest, the tyrant asserts himself, and also receives satisfaction.
Oppression of others is a basic need of the persecutor. Another specific feature of this role is not the groundlessness of the actions of the despot. In his soul, he will surely find several reasons and excuses. If explanations are missing, then beliefs are destroyed. At the same time, when the pursuer stumbles upon a rebuff from the side of the object of their “attack”, this stimulates him to move on the intended course.

The tyrant can sense:

- the desire to restore justice;

- confidence in the correctness of one's own actions;

- steadfastness of one's rightness;

- gravitation to punish the guilty;

- offended self-esteem;

- passion of pursuit.

More often, aggressors are subjects who, in childhood, were subjected to violence of a physical or psychological nature. Such children in the soul experience a burdensome feeling of shame and anger. These feelings further control them.

Attacks on others help the persecutor overcome feelings of inadequacy and awkwardness. Therefore, dominance over the environment becomes the foundation of their behavior. The tyrant considers himself always and in everything to be right. Among the methods of influencing others, which are popular with dictators, are intimidation, interrogation, reproaches, accusations, provocations.

The aggressor does not recognize his own vulnerability, and therefore he is most afraid of his own helplessness. Therefore, he needs a sufferer, on whom he projects his own imperfection, accuses him of bad luck. Taking responsibility for personal acts and behavior are fundamental guidelines for the stalker. The tyrant, unlike the object of attacks, is overly convinced of his own views and of himself. The pursuer is sure that only he knows what to do. And therefore, believing that the whole environment is wrong, he experiences aggression, irritation both in relation to the object of "attacks" and his rescuer.

The role of the rescuer

Understanding the role of the rescuer character, the motives of his actions and their results is the key to understanding and tracking this role in one's own being. This is a chance to make a meaningful choice: to manipulate individuals further, or to learn to have a healthy attitude towards the environment and one's own person.

Playing lifeguard should not be equated with true help in emergencies, such as rescuing people from a fire. There are always secret motives, understatement and dishonesty in the efforts of the rescuer. In reality, co-dependent relationships like the triangle of fate hinder development, bring suffering to people and confusion in existence.

The rescuer loses the chosen role because of the need to save, so as not to think about his own hidden feelings, anxiety, because the object of attacks needs participation.

There are 7 signs that are inherent in people who prefer to take the described position in relationships.

First of all, such subjects have problems in personal relationships, which is expressed by the absence of a family, or in a family, each spouse has a separate life.

Rescuers are often very successful in social life. The authorities appreciate them for their conscientious work, they do not violate the legislative norms, and if they do, it is unproven.

The main task of this category of persons is to provide the victim with a chance to "take a breath of air" so that the object of persecution does not "suffocate", and then tighten the "noose" more tightly. This process can continue indefinitely until one of the players decides to change roles. The main goal of the rescuer is to exclude the possibility of becoming a victim of self.

People who adhere to this role always slightly despise the object of attacks, as a result of which their help is condescending.

The rescuer often often cherishes rather "large-scale" rescue plans. This category of people is characterized by ambition. They seek to control as many individuals as possible. The more insecure and helpless people are, the better for the rescuer, since his power becomes more comprehensive.

Individuals in this role try to hide their own aggression, therefore they completely deny its existence. A person is a living being, which is often overwhelmed by various emotions, as a result of which aggressive messages are inherent in him. The rescuer, as if for show, demonstrates love for all living creatures.

When the victim finally decides to refuse obsessive help, the rescuer resorts to manipulation, threatening that the object of persecution will remain on his own in this vast world full of horrors and adversity. Then he steps aside and takes an observant position, waiting for the victim to stumble, reduce his already low self-esteem, and repent. He is waiting for such a moment to triumphantly appear. However, such an appearance may be belated, since the victim could have managed to acquire a new “yoke” in the form of a subject who is trying with all his might to impose his own help.

How to get out of the Karpman triangle

Finding a way out of codependent relationships is often a difficult task. The longer a person plays a role, the deeper Karpman's relationship triangle gets sucked in. In order to find the cherished door, first of all, one must realize the presence of this model of relationships in one's own existence. At the same time, the ways to get rid of oppressive relationships are purely individual, since they are determined by the role of the subjects being played. Therefore, it is necessary to try to objectively look at the circumstances of the interaction in order to understand your own role.

The most complex and pivotal person in the Karpman triangle is the victim.
In order to get rid of this role forever, it is recommended to start by taking the first unhurried independent steps to improve your own being. It is important to stop dumping the burden of responsibility for pressing problems and failures on the environment from your own shoulders. It must be understood that for any assistance provided, you will have to pay. You should also learn not to make excuses and to derive your own benefit from interacting with the rescuer, while trying not to push the latter into a pursuer.

The recommendations for the rescuer are, first of all, to stop imposing their own "rescue services". Assistance to people should only be at the request of the latter. Promises should not be made unless you are sure they will be kept. When imposing help, one should not expect gratitude from the receiving party. If the “rescue service” was provided for the sake of obtaining benefits, then it is necessary to say this directly. It is also recommended to find your own path, which does not involve imposing help on others and interfering in their problems.

When the Karpman triangle becomes too small for the tyrant, it is necessary to start working on getting out of co-dependent interaction. The pursuer, first of all, should take control of his own aggressiveness. Irritation, anger and anger can be shown only when there are serious reasons that give rise to these emotions. The despot needs to understand that he is also often wrong, like his other environment. He should also realize that the root of all failure lies in his own behavior, other individuals are not to blame for the troubles of the pursuer. It must be understood that if the individual himself does not take into account the views of others, then the latter are not obliged to take into account his position. Self-interest should be achieved by motivating individuals, not by dictatorship.

Real life examples

The most striking examples of the triangle of fate can be seen in family relationships, where hypostases are distributed between partners and a child, or between spouses and the husband's mother, in a work team, in friendship.

A classic example of the relationship in the Karpman triangle is the interaction of the mother-in-law, who acts as the aggressor, with the daughter-in-law, who is the victim, and the son, who is assigned the role of rescuer.
The mother-in-law enthusiastically “saws” the daughter-in-law, naturally, the beloved son comes to the defense of the missus, as a result of which he quarrels with the parent. The wife, seeing that the faithful offended her own mother, comes to the defense of her mother-in-law and transforms from the role of a victim into a rescuer. The husband, in turn, wounded by the behavior of his wife, because he tried to help his beloved, moves to an attacking position, turning from a rescuer into an aggressor. Such interaction and role reversal can be observed indefinitely.

Below is a typical model of relationships according to the Karpman triangle model. There are two people between whom a conflict arose. This is the debut stage, marking the distribution of roles. A subject that has an active influence on the opponent becomes a pursuer. The latter, respectively, is a victim. The object of attacks is trying frantically to find a solution, in addition, he just needs to throw out his own experiences to someone, as a result of which a third character appears on the arena - the rescuer. He listens, gives advice, protects the victim. Further, the situation may develop in different scenarios. For example, the victim follows the advice of a "well-wisher" and "attacks" the pursuer, as a result of which they change roles.

It must be understood that all the characters in the game called Karpman's triangle of fate receive a subjective benefit from the role they play.

Karpman's triangle. Roles of Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor. Relationship between the Karpman triangle and dependencies. Leaving roles. partnership triangle.

All psychological games come down to three roles: Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim.

All three of these roles complement each other. Relationships based on the Persecutor-Rescuer-Victim principle are called the Karpman Triangle (Power Triangle, Drama Triangle).

The main goals that the addict subconsciously pursues, entering into each of the roles, are receiving negative attention, disclaiming responsibility, stabilizing self-esteem, performing negative children's programs, etc.

In each of the roles there is no Adult state, the interaction occurs only between the Child and Parent states.

Role of the Victim .

Behavior passive, complaints : demonstrates its non-viability; acts as if he doesn't have the resources to solve his problems (or someone else needs to change to make him happy); acts as if his need is so acute that it leaves him unable to solve problems (cannot think and feel at the same time).

Goals/desires surrender your territory, to be saved, to be punished.

Emotions self-pity, resentment , shame, helplessness, suffering, etc.

Thinking me (shouldn't): I can't solve my own problems, I'm at an impasse, my situation is unsolvable, I've been treated unfairly, etc.

Benefits of the Victim Role: receiving negative attention and care, disclaiming responsibility, stabilizing one's self-esteem with the help of an attitude of suffering, following children's orders (mostly "Die!").

Relationships with other roles: Victim Persecutor. A person in the role of the Victim cannot be on his own, since in any situation it is possible to take at least some actions. Therefore, the Victim needs a Persecutor to justify his helplessness. (" With a wife like that, you can't stop drinking!...» « My friends are forcing me to use it! ..»). Victim Rescuer. The Rescuer is necessary for the Victim as an excuse for the insolubility of the situation, to whom the Victim turns for salvation, and then sabotages this salvation in every possible way, in order to then say “You see, nothing happened!”.

Role of the Stalker .

Behavior aggressive, accusatory : I act, as it were, exclusively in my own interests; is aimed at finding flaws, mistakes in others; is constantly in a negative, critical position towards others; control the actions of others.

Goals/desires seize someone else's territory, punish others .

Emotions anger, superiority , anger impotence, hatred, rage.

Thinking I (shouldn't): others should do everything in my opinion, others should be controlled, the guilty should be punished, etc.

Benefits of being a Persecutor: receiving negative attention (in the form of fear and anger), disclaiming responsibility (in the form of blaming others for their failures), stabilizing one's self-esteem with the help of a position of power, following children's orders (mainly "Kill others!").

Relationships with other roles: Persecutor-Victim. The victim is necessary for the Persecutor to satisfy his desire for control and punishment. Rescue Chaser. The Rescuer is necessary for the Persecutor to prevent the complete punishment of the Victim (since then there will be no one to punish).

The Role of the Rescuer .

Behavior passive-aggressive, excuses : actions aimed at saving others (while sacrificing and forgetting about himself); does more than is required of him; does what he does not want to do; salvation happens in such a way that in the end everyone remains dissatisfied and problems are not solved.

Goals/desires setting up barriers.

Emotions guilt, righteous anger, irritation.

Thinking I do not have: I have to help, others can't do it without my help, I have to prevent trouble, etc.

Benefits of being a Rescuer: receiving negative attention, relieving oneself of responsibility (in the form of solving other people's problems instead of one's own), stabilizing one's self-esteem, following children's orders (mainly "Don't save yourself!").

Relationships with other roles: Rescuer-Victim. Sacrifice is necessary for the Savior to satisfy his aspirations for salvation. Lifeguard Chaser. The Pursuer is needed to prevent the Victim from being completely saved (since then there will be no one to save).

Relationships with others in the dependent occur mainly according to the principle of the Karpman triangle. Such relationships are a substitute for true intimacy. With constant communication based on the principle of psychological games (according to the Karpman triangle), negative feelings of retribution accumulate (negative feelings experienced by each of the roles), which leads to the progression of the breakdown process and to a return to use.

Exit from the game in the drama triangle.

The role of the victim (learn to help yourself). To stop playing the Victim, you must learn to take responsibility for your life. To do this, you should start looking for your own ways out, make plans and implement them. Provocations on the part of the Persecutor should not be answered with submission (transition to the role of the Victim), but should be reacted calmly, indifferently. Provocations on the part of the Rescuer in the form of attempts to take responsibility for solving your problems should be answered with calm refusals, not succumbing (Victim), and not attacking (Persecutor).

The role of the Chaser (look for mistakes first in yourself). To stop playing the Chaser, you need to stop blaming others for problems, but take responsibility for solving them. At the same time, provocations on the part of the victim in the form of specially created problems should be answered with their calm solution, without blaming the victim. And the provocations of the rescuer (in the form of incitement to persecute the victim) should be answered by ignoring.

Role of the Rescuer (save yourself first). The exit from the game of the Rescuer is facilitated by the cessation of solving other people's problems and the beginning of solving one's own. At the same time, the Victim's provocations in demonstrating his problems and helplessness in solving them should be answered with ignoring. Provocations of the Persecutor in the form of a demonstrative punishment of the Victim are best answered by ignoring.

Partnership Triangle. Student-Assistant-Teacher.

Student. They differ from the Victim in that they retain access to the sanity of the Adult and participate in solving their problems. When solving a problem, they can ask for help, resources and support along with other options, knowing that if they are refused by the person they asked for help, they will find other ways to meet their needs. Able to see any difficulties as lessons. Assesses what help is needed and asks for it. Recognizes and accepts the knowledge and point of view of others. Recognizes his ability to solve problems and independence.

Teacher. Able to defend their rights, while the goal is not to hurt the rights of others. Can train, supervise the process, take responsibility in sound leadership. Unlike the Persecutor, the goal is not to punish and suppress others, but to actually correct and control the situation. Do not intervene in situations in which they cannot help. First they look for their shortcomings and develop their abilities first.

Assistant. They differ about the Saviors in that they respect the ability of the Disciple to think, solve problems, ask for what they want. Do not interfere unless asked and if they do not want to. If they want, they can offer some help. Use their abilities to analyze and solve their own problems first. If they do not want to help, they confidently refuse without feeling guilty. The attitude of "first me, and then others."

	Victim	Pursuer	Rescuer	No roles
Thinking	I (shouldn't)	I (shouldn't)	I do not have	I can (have the right), others can (have the right).
Emotions	Resentment, pity	Anger, dominance	Guilt, vanity, wrath of justice	Respect for yourself and others
wishes	Surrender your boundaries, accept someone else's goals	Capturing foreign borders, imposing their goals	Setting barriers, responsibility for the fulfillment of other people's goals	Achieve your goals without harming others
Behavior	Passive (submission, complaints)	Aggressive (accusations. Attack, pressure)	Passive-aggressive (manipulation, excuses, displacement of aggression).	Assertive (achieving one's goals, reaching an agreement with others).

Task for the topic "Karpman's Triangle":

1. Think of 5 times you were the victim. How could you get out of this role?
2. Recall 5 times you were in the role of the Stalker. How could you get out of this role?
3. Think of 5 times you have been the Rescuer. How could you get out of this role?

We feel betrayed or taken advantage of.

Three positions can be distinguished in the psychology of the victim, first depicted in the form of a drawing by psychiatrist and master of transactional analysis Stephen Karpman. He called this drawing the Drama Triangle.

There are three roles in Karpman's drama triangle: Persecutor, Savior and Victim. Karpman described them as three aspects or three faces of the victim.

No matter what role we play in the triangle at the moment, we always become the victim in the end. If we are in a triangle, we live as victims.

Each person has a primary or most familiar role in the triangle. This is the place where we usually enter the triangle, “sit down” on it. We assume this role in our family of origin.

Although we start with one role, once we fall into the drama triangle, we always go through all three roles, sometimes in minutes or even seconds, many times every day.

Saviors see themselves as "helpers" and "caregivers." They need someone to save in order to feel important and needed. It is difficult for them to be a Victim, as they are used to being the ones who have the answer to any question.

Persecutors often see themselves as the victims of the situation. They refuse to admit that their tactics are blaming. When pointed out to them, they argue that the attack is justified and necessary for self-defense.

The roles of the Savior and the Persecutor are two opposite roles of the Victim. But regardless of the role in which we begin to act in the triangle, we will definitely fall into the role of the Victim. It's unavoidable.

The Persecutor and the Savior believe that they are better, stronger, smarter than the Victim. The victim always feels humiliated and sooner or later begins to take revenge, turning into the Persecutor. And the Savior or the Persecutor at this moment moves into the Victim.

Example: A father comes home from work and finds that mother and son are arguing. “Clean your room or else…” Mom threatens. The father immediately comes to the rescue. He may say, “Give the child a rest. He was at school all day.”

After that, several options are possible. Mom can feel like a Victim, then become a Persecutor and turn her anger on dad. Thus, the father moves from the Savior to the Sacrifice. They can do a few quick trips around the triangle with their son by the wayside.

Or the son may feel that the father is attacking the mother and will start saving the mother: “None of your business, dad. I don't need your protection." The variations are endless, but it's always moving along the vertices of the Karpman triangle. For many families, this is the only way they know how to interact.

The role through which we most often enter the triangle becomes a significant part of our identity. Each role is a different way of looking at and reacting to the world.

Example:Sally's mother was a drug addict. Even in her earliest memories, Sally was responsible for her mother. Instead of receiving help from her parents herself, she became the little parent of her mother, who played the role of a helpless child. From childhood, Sally learned the role of the Savior, which became her main way to deal with other people.

The Savior has an unconscious belief that his needs are unimportant, that he is valued only for what he can do for others. There must be someone in the life of the Savior whom he can save.

Sally will never admit that she is a victim, because in her mind she is the only one who has all the answers. However, she periodically becomes a martyr, complaining loudly, "After everything I've done for you... here it is, your gratitude!"

Persecutors do not see themselves as victims in need of protection. They easily justify their vindictive behavior by saying that the offenders got what they deserved, that's how they see it.

Their core belief is "the world is dangerous, people can't be trusted, so I need to strike before they hurt me."

Example: Bob is a doctor who often offends others. Attacking is his primary way of dealing with inconvenience, frustration, or pain. Once, for example, he mentioned that he was working with a patient on a golf course. He said, “Lynn, can you believe that a patient had the audacity to ask me to fix his kneecap right there on my one day off?”

“Yes,” I replied, “some people just don't respect other people's boundaries. How did you react to this?”

“Oh, I brought him to my office for treatment, everything is fine,” he chuckled, “and I gave him an injection so painful that he will never forget it.”

In other words, Bob saved an unceremonious patient, but in such a way as to “punish” him for his impudence. To Bob, his actions seemed rational, even justified. His patient encroached on his free time, thereby deserved rough treatment, and he received it. This is a prime example of the Persecutor mindset.

Bob didn't know that he could just say "no" to a patient's request to treat him on his day off. He should not feel like a victim, and he should not save the patient. It didn't occur to Bob to set boundaries as a way out of the situation. In his heart, he believed that he was being treated unfairly, and therefore he had the right to receive satisfaction.

Those who begin the journey through the triangle as the Victim feel they cannot take care of themselves. They look up to the Savior and say, "You are the only one who can help me." This is what every Savior yearns to hear.

The formation of a stable role of the victim, as a rule, is influenced by attitudes in childhood. For example, if a parent has not encouraged their children to take on age-appropriate responsibilities, then as adults they may feel inadequate in their care of themselves or resent adults when they do not receive help.

There are many options and each case should be considered individually. Not only do we move in a triangle in relationships with others, we play these roles in our own minds as well.

We can collapse on ourselves because of an unfinished project. We scold ourselves for laziness, shortcomings, we feel an increase in anger and a sense of our own worthlessness. Finally, when we can't take it anymore, we take ourselves off the hook of expectation and have an escape in the form of a party or something. This “rescue” can last for minutes, hours, or days.

By doing this, we experience shame, which is why I call the Karpman Triangle the Shame Generator. With this triangle, we can generate shame over and over again about old wounds or problems.

We cannot get out of the triangle until we acknowledge that we are in it. Once we do this consciously, we begin to observe our interactions with others to determine the way in which we begin to operate within the triangle. What serves as a hook for us, an initial stimulus?

Each role has its own language, beliefs and behaviors - it's good to know them. This will help us determine when we are sitting on the triangle. Learning the role also promotes faster understanding when we get carried away with the bait thrown at us to get us to play. So let's take a closer look at each role.

Savior

The Savior can be described as an aspect of the mother's role. Instead of an adequate expression of support and nurture, the Savior usually tries to "strangle" the other's initiative in order to control and manipulate him - "for his own good", of course. His problem is a mistaken understanding of what exactly is needed for encouragement, support and protection.

The Savior, as a rule, looks for dependent people, manifests himself with them as a benevolent, caring person - one who can “correct” the dependent. Salvation is also an addiction because Saviors need to feel valued. There is no better way to feel important than being the Savior.

Saviors tend to grow up in families where their needs are not recognized. It is a psychological fact that we treat ourselves the way we were treated as children. The aspiring Savior grows up in an environment where his needs are nil, and therefore tends to treat himself with the same degree of neglect that he experienced when he was a child. He is not allowed to take care of himself and his needs, so he takes care of others.

Saviors experience great satisfaction, they tend to be proud of themselves and receive social recognition, even rewards, since their actions can be seen as selfless. They believe in their goodness and see themselves as heroes.

Behind all this is the belief, “If I take care of them well enough and long enough, sooner or later they will take care of me too.” But this rarely happens.

When we save those in need, we cannot expect anything in return. They can't take care of themselves, much less they can take care of us. And then the Savior turns into a victim, more precisely, into a martyr, since it is very difficult for him to recognize himself as a victim.

Feelings of betrayal, being used, and despair are trademarks of the Savior's Victim position. Common phrases for a martyred Savior: “After all that I have done for you, is this your gratitude?” or "No matter how much I do, it's never enough," or "If you loved me, you wouldn't treat me like that!"

The Savior's greatest fear is that he will end up alone. He believes that his value increases from how much he does for others. The Savior unconsciously encourages addiction because he thinks, "If you need me, you won't leave me." He tries to become indispensable in order to avoid loneliness.

The more he saves, the less responsibility the one he cares about takes on. The less responsibility his charges take on, the more he saves them, and it's a downward spiral that often ends in disaster.

Example:The mother of two teenage sons described it well. She said: “I thought my role as a good mother was to make sure my sons did the right thing. So I thought I was responsible for the choices they made, I told them what to do, and I constantly tried to control their behavior.”

Why be surprised, then, that her sons blame everyone around them for the painful consequences of their own wrong decisions? They have learned to think that their behavior is her responsibility, not their own.

Such a mother is convinced that her sons are not able to make the right choice. She has a list of evidence that justifies her “duty” to control her sons. But when they become teenagers, she can no longer force them to fit into their role, as she could do when they were younger.

She will inevitably feel helpless and a failure, that is, a victim. She will either give in to their demands or “prosecute” them for defiance. One way or another, everyone will feel bad. Their guilt and remorse may motivate her back to her original role as Savior to start over.

A sacrifice at hand is necessary so that the Savior can maintain his illusion of need. This means that there will always be at least one person in every Savior's life who will be sick, weak, stupid, and therefore dependent on him.

If the Victim begins to take responsibility, the Savior will either have to find a new victim or try to return the old one to his usual role.

Just because you're used to playing the part of the Savior doesn't mean you can't be loving, generous, and kind. There is a clear distinction between being truly helpful and being a Salvation.

A genuine helper acts without hope of reciprocity. He does it to encourage taking responsibility, not to encourage dependency. He believes that everyone is entitled to make mistakes and learns through sometimes harsh consequences. He believes that the other has the strength to see himself later without a Savior.

Saviors do not take responsibility for their own needs. In return, they do it for others in an attempt to gain validation or a sense of being needed, or as a way to secure dependency. Therefore, the role of the Victim is inevitable for them.

Persecutor (Pursuer)

The role of the Persecutor is typical for those who were exposed to open mental and / or physical abuse in childhood. Internally, they often seethe with shame, feel anger, and these two feelings rule their lives. They may imitate their childhood abuser, preferring to be like those who had power and authority.

The persecutor seems to say: “The world is cruel, and only the heartless can survive. And I will be one of them.”Thus, if the Savior is the shadow of the mother, then the Persecutor is the shadow of the father.

The persecutor overcomes feelings of helplessness and shame by attacking others. Dominance becomes the most frequent style of interaction. This means that he must always be right. His methods are intimidation, sermons, threats, accusations, lectures, interrogations, and direct attacks.

The Savior needs someone to decide for, and the Persecutor needs someone to blame.

Persecutors deny their vulnerability, while Saviors deny their needs. What they fear most is helplessness. They need a victim to project their helplessness onto.

The hardest thing for a Persecutor is to take responsibility for what they do to hurt others. In their opinion, others deserve what they get.

Example: Joseph was from a well-known, wealthy family. His parents divorced and his father was angry, alienated and used his money to control others. His mother was an alcoholic who brought home men who abused her and Joseph throughout his preteen and teenage years. He learned early on that his only chance of survival was to fight. He built his life so that there was always an enemy to fight.

From the outside, Joseph looked like he was broadcasting “I don’t give a damn.” But inside he was bitter and unpleasant. Joseph was constantly involved in lawsuits and even fights. The point of all these incidents was that it was always someone else's fault. He could not resist what he felt was justified retribution.

Joseph is an example of the classic Persecutor.

The persecutors do not realize themselves as such. They see themselves as victims. The stalker cycle goes something like this: “I was just trying to help (Savior) and they attacked me (Victim) so I had to defend myself (Stalker).”

If the Persecutor is honest with himself, he will realize that he is a danger to others and feel guilty. To prevent this, the Persecutor always needs someone to blame him for everything. Anger gives them energy to live, like coffee in the morning to others.

As with other roles, stepping out of the Persecutor role requires you to take responsibility for your actions. Oddly enough, the easiest way out of the role of the Persecutor is to get out of the triangle.

Victim

The role of the Victim is the wounded aspect of our inner child; the part of us that is innocent, vulnerable and needy. But we become Victim only when we think we can't take care of ourselves.

The Victim's biggest fear is that she won't succeed. This anxiety makes her always on the lookout for someone stronger and more capable of taking care of them.

Victims deny that they have problem-solving capabilities and the potential to generate energy on their own. Instead, they tend to consider themselves inept at handling life. This does not prevent them from feeling resentment towards those on whom they depend. They insist that they need to be taken care of, but they do not like to be shown their inadequacy.

Victims eventually get fed up with being inferior to the Savior and start looking for ways to feel equal. More often than not, however, it looks like turning into a Persecutor for the Savior by sabotaging efforts to save them, most often through passive-aggressive behavior. For example, they play the game “yes, but…”

The Savior offers helpful advice in response to complaints or concerns raised by the Victim. The victim immediately gives an answer like: “yes, but it won't work because…” The victim tries to prove that his problems are unsolvable, thus the Savior leaves the effort, feeling completely powerless.

Convinced of their inner inferiority, the Victim often abuses drugs, alcohol and food, gambling, and this is only part of the self-destructive behavior practiced by the Victim.

Example:Linda was the second child in the family. She was always in trouble, ever since she was a child. She skipped school and was often sick. As a teenager, she began taking drugs. Her mother Stella was a Savior. She was sure of Linda's mediocrity and constantly helped her out of trouble.

By softening the consequences of Linda's election, Stella made it impossible for Linda to learn from her mistakes. As a result, Linda became increasingly incompetent and dependent on others. Her mother, well-intentioned, encouraged Linda to take the position of the Victim in life.

Since Victims are often identified patients in the family, they seek professional help most often. Saviors abound among professional psychologists. In this case, the specialist can enter the triangle himself. This means that the real problem will not be solved.

Victims must learn to take responsibility for themselves and take care of themselves rather than seeking a Savior for themselves. They must challenge ingrained beliefs that they cannot take care of themselves if they are to avoid the triangle. Instead of feeling powerless, they should acknowledge their ability to solve problems as well as their leadership qualities.

Being a victim is an endless cycle of feeling defeated and worthless. There is no escape other than taking full responsibility for your own feelings, thoughts and reactions.

Our life is a series of interconnected situations and interactions. Much effort has been made by psychologists and psychoanalysts to describe the behavior of the unique person in universal theories. Each of us is unique, but the psyche is a mechanism that, when faced with various life situations, works according to certain patterns. Among them, the so-called triangle of fate is distinguished - a model with a romantic name and a dramatic essence.

What is the Karpman Triangle

In psychology, a new concept came in 1968 thanks to Stefan Karpman, MD, a student of Eric Berne, author of the book Games People Play. He was a theorist and practitioner of transactional analysis, studying the behavioral factors that affect the interaction of individuals. The scientist described one of the most common models of interaction, reflecting codependency that develops according to a certain scenario. It has been called "Karpman's Drama Triangle". The model is often used in psychotherapy and manifests itself in everyday, work, everyday communication.

The essence of the triangle

There is a triangle, each peak is a certain role that a person takes in a given situation: a rescuer, a victim, an aggressor (sometimes called a persecutor or a tyrant). The roles are closely related and complement each other. Two, three, four or more can participate in a psychological game, but there are always three roles. Another feature is that in a different environment a person may have different positions in the triangle. For example, at work, the boss, the fighter, and the savior in the family. In the most destructive way, the model manifests itself in close or family relationships.

The essence of interaction within the triangle is the search for the guilty and the shifting of responsibility:

• Almost always, the victim appears first, who is assigned a pseudo-dramatic role, this is an eternally deprived sufferer.
• What follows is a fun fact: the victim chooses a persecutor, an aggressor who oppresses her. Finds an external imaginary cause of suffering, then looks for someone who will protect and help - a rescuer.
• Once the hero is found, the triangle theory kicks in, the victim begins to manipulate. Moreover, the pursuer often does not suspect that he has become a participant in the game.
• Such relationships are always destructive, in the end everyone suffers, but no one breaks the chain, as everyone pursues a certain benefit.

codependent relationships

Participants in communication, blaming others for personal problems, delegate responsibility for their own actions, while receiving strong emotional nourishment. This kind of self-realization gives rise to co-dependent relationships with a fixation on another person. This interaction:

1. based on emotional dynamics, selfishness;
2. excludes a rational context.

The drama triangle, or the triangle of fate, is dynamic, and therein lies the danger. Each role leads to a specific goal, which the addict unconsciously pursues. For example, self-affirmation, attracting attention, including negative attention, shifting responsibility, the implementation of unresolved internal states. The roles are shuffled at the moment the rescuer appears, it becomes more difficult to understand the relationships.

An example of transitions of roles, changes, tasks and motives for actions schematically looks like this:

1. The true aggressor blames the victim.
2. The victim considers the aggressor guilty, receives a legitimate, in her opinion, opportunity to suffer, while looking for someone who will help.
3. The rescuer, pursuing a personal goal, hurries to intervene.
4. The victim becomes insufficient third-party attention, efforts.
5. The waning desire to help, coupled with the growing demand for help, leads to a reversal of roles: the victim becomes the aggressor (because he demands), the former rescuer becomes the new victim.
6. The new sufferer seeks outside help, both for himself and for the old victim. And the lifeguards for each will be different.
7. The old victim, she is the aggressor in relation to the former rescuer, also rushes in search and finds a new rescuer.
8. The true aggressor is often unaware of the change of position that has taken place.
9. The new rescuer rises up against the true aggressor, thereby bringing him into the status of a victim.

This is one of the possible scenarios. The sequence may change, but the essence and motives remain unchanged. The triangle is closed, and the roles move from participant to participant, with each trying on several roles at the same time. Events according to the model can occur indefinitely, until at least someone leaves the game. Each character, as mentioned earlier, experiences certain feelings and emotions on which we are dependent. This is the reason why the game starts.

Victim

This character is characterized by passive behavior, helplessness, weakness, does not see the opportunity to influence his problem. Actions are detached, words and thoughts are of this nature: I am not able to solve the problem, why is it always me, my situation is hopeless, they treated me low. The main desire is to relieve oneself of responsibility, to stabilize self-esteem. To justify their failure, an aggressor and a rescuer are needed. Moreover, both will be accused in different ways of personal troubles.

Feelings like this:

• guilt;
• helplessness;
• resentment;
• hopelessness;
• uselessness;
• fear;
• voltage;
• self-pity;
• confusion;
• incorrect actions;
• suffering;
• the need for protection.

Pursuer

The character is aggressive, prone to accusations, acts in his own interests. The controller, whose favorite pastime is the search for flaws in others, criticism. It manifests itself through thoughts and phrases: everything should happen in my opinion, control is needed, mistakes should be punished. The tyrant receives a share of attention, relieves himself of responsibility, blaming others, approaches decisions from a position of strength, orders. He attacks the victim for self-realization. In the game, he needs a rescuer who will not let the victim be ruined.

Feelings like this:

• aggression;
• excitement;
• confidence in the correctness of actions;
• anger;
• irritation;
• feeling of struggle for justice;
• desire to pay;
• narcissism;
• desire to dominate and suppress;
• feeling of power;
• unwillingness to engage in dialogue.

Rescuer

The character is characterized by passive-aggressive behavior, the result of his actions does not solve the problem, but only causes discontent. He believes that he must help, without personal participation the situation will not be resolved. Benefits from solving someone else's problem instead of his own. The victim is necessary to realize oneself, to stabilize self-esteem, and the aggressor is necessary to prevent the salvation of the victim.

Rescuer feels:

• a pity;
• confidence;
• superiority;
• impossibility to refuse;
• compassion;
• responsibility;
• empathy;
• desire to accomplish a deed.

Exit from the Karpman triangle

Relationships based on the principle of psychological games are a replacement for real closeness between people, a way to accumulate negativity, get stuck in unresolved problems. All emotions inside the triangle are a substitution of true feelings and experiences. It's like counterfeit money, similar but not real. In addition, each role requires energy, constant nourishment, but does not bring the desired self-realization.

It is difficult to manipulate a psychologically mature person, free from internal complexes. She will not let herself be drawn into the game or quickly leave, not succumbing to provocations. If the problem is noticed, then its resolution is carried out by internal processing of experiences, removal from emotional hooks. First of all, the success of exiting the game depends on the desire to stop walking in a vicious circle.

Getting out of addictions begins with assessing the situation, taking part, understanding which of the angles was incoming: the victim, the rescuer or the aggressor. Sometimes it's more difficult than we'd like. You may not be aware of the involvement in the game. Often this happens with the aggressor, who is always right and does everything in the only right way. The rest of the characters, if they are aware of their roles, then firmly believe that it has nothing to do with it, they were drawn in by accident, against their will. The main thing is to remember that the longer you are inside the triangle, the more firmly you get bogged down in the web of mutual manipulations.

How to get out of the role of the Victim

Being the key and the most psychologically complex character, he can get out of the triangle by following the recommendations:

• Start step by step to take responsibility for yourself, your life.
• Forget about the possibility of shifting responsibility and waiting for salvation. Instead, look for your own ways, solutions, make plans.
• Eradicate the habit of making excuses, apologizing for the actions taken.
• To develop a sense of self-love, to realize that any failure is an experience.
• To react to the actions of an aggressive provocateur with indifference, to respond to the rescuer with a refusal.

From the role of the Rescuer

The psychological triangle of Karpman will be left behind for the hero if you follow simple steps:

• Do not intervene, if there were no requests for help, become a contemplative.
• Leave worries about other people's emotions, show healthy skepticism.
• Before making a promise, evaluate the possibility of fulfillment.
• Offering help, do not count on a reward, or voice your wishes.
• Find options for self-realization, inner satisfaction, which bypass interference in someone else's life.
• If intuition tells you that help is an inner calling, then realize yourself where it is really needed.

To exit the game, the aggressor must adhere to the following rules:

• Aggression should not be groundless, check this fact before generating a conflict.
• Realize that you make mistakes just like those around you.
• Look for the root cause in personal behavior, not in the environment.
• Recognize the fact that no one is obligated to accept your beliefs, just as you are not obligated to accept it.
• Do not try on the appearance of a teacher, realize yourself in a different way.
• Benefit by motivating others by eliminating pressure.

Real life examples

Situations that can fit into a dramatic triangle surround from all sides. An inconsistency may occur:

• between relatives - husband, wife, children, grandparents;
• at work - between a boss and a subordinate or with the involvement of third parties;
• in the treatment of addictions, the addict, his relatives and the doctor are involved in the process;
• in personal relationships - a love triangle.

A classic example is family relationships. The roles are distributed extremely simply: the wife (victim) is under the yoke of the mother-in-law (persecutor), the husband (rescuer) will be a buffer between the two characters. The son quarrels with his mother about the eternal nit-picking of his wife, which brings her to tears. The wife suddenly takes the side of her mother-in-law, complaining about the disrespectful attitude of her son towards his mother. The wounded husband, who, out of good intentions, helped his wife, goes on the offensive. So the rescuer becomes the pursuer, the victim becomes the rescuer, the pursuer becomes the victim.

An example, when three roles are distributed between two characters, clearly describes the relationship of the couple. The husband (victim) drowns out problems and his own guilt for them in a glass. The wife (pursuer) nags, accuses him of drunkenness, telling how he is wrong, but with every binge he rushes to treat alcoholism, solder with brine and help, transforming into a rescuer. Having drunk, the husband can wander from the victim to the aggressor, and when sober, he can be a lifeguard, making amends for the drunken brawl.

Not only adults can be involved in the game. As an example, the position of the child within the family. There are two parents, one of which is a persecutor, chooses the whip method in education, the other is a rescuer, an adherent of pampering. The child in this situation is in the position of the victim, who does not like strict rules. Therefore, he confronts the pursuer with the rescuer. The conflict between parents develops, and the child, having solved the problem, goes into the shadows.

Work relationships are a wide field of opportunity for unhealthy relationships. Often the boss takes on the function of the aggressor, the subordinate - the victims, employees or senior management - the rescuers. For example, a subordinate shirks from work, each time coming up with excuses. The boss, on the other hand, resorts to intimidation, threatens to deprive bonuses, reduce salaries. Roles are easily changed if it is difficult for a subordinate to find a replacement. The boss will curry favor with him, and the subordinate will make excessive demands.

In order not to get into such a situation, the manager should correctly allocate duties and responsibilities, sign a detailed contract indicating all the nuances, and appeal to him during controversial situations. The subordinate should take the attacks from the boss calmly, ask for clarification, precise setting of real goals, deadlines.

Relationships in a couple are emotionally costly, require more strength, self-discipline. Finding an outlet on the side where you can complain is easier, easier than filling in the gaps in a relationship. At this point, a love triangle is created, the connection within which is another visual representation of the Karpman model. For understanding, it is worth considering an example where the instigator of the game is the victim.

The stalker wife reveals the infidelity of the victim husband, pouring accusations in his direction. The husband - her opposition, proves that the lack of attention and care from the wife is to blame. Therefore, he found a mistress (rescuer), to whom he complains about troubles, finds consolation. The mistress, trying to save the man from attacks, offers to get a divorce and legally live together. The roles are changing. The husband does not want to leave his lawful wife, thereby turning into an aggressor, the mistress transforms into a victim because she did not achieve her goal, and the wife becomes a rescuer and a reason to stay for her husband.

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