Do you want the bitter truth or the sweet lie?
This choice is one of the most important in life. Because all other [your] decisions depend on it.
[So] What do you prefer:
- Knowledge that reflects the real state of things, which can upset, hurt, anger you.
- Information that distorts reality, but calms, relaxes and gives hope.
Around us there are thousands of providers of both. There are no more pleasant lies than unpleasant truths. But it is in much greater demand, because. desirable, cheaper and "better digested". It brings quick [temporary] relief, but is harmful in the long run. Just like fast food, it is delicious, instantly satisfies hunger, but in the future it will lead to obesity and other sad consequences.
There is a big difference between what a person wants and what he needs. Tasty medicine is not always useful [and vice versa].
Those who choose hopeful lies are hard to blame for anything. They are guided by momentary gain and seek their happiness in ignorance. They do not want to know anything [primarily about themselves]. Even falling into despair from what is happening, out of habit they are looking for a [new] good fairy tale in order to believe in it and forget about it [for another 15 seconds]. And then again and again. Anyone who makes you doubt this tale, they sincerely hate and consider their enemy.
A person is more likely to believe not in what looks like the truth, but in what he wants to believe. This is habitual, automatic behavior, which can be changed in only one way - by increasing awareness. "Sobering up" can be uncomfortable, but it's necessary.
Truth is [sometimes] difficult. To recognize what one does not want to admit - no one wants to, and never. That is why the demand for it is small, because feelings are always stronger than thoughts. By our [animal] nature, we tend to choose the pleasant over the useful. Don't believe? Remember how many times you put off going to the dentist, the last cigarette, or ... whatever.
It is possible and necessary to fight against this inclination in oneself. Because only by recognizing something in yourself that you don’t like, you can get rid of it.
In order to correctly draw up a route to point "B", you must honestly designate point "A". If you deny your reality, you cannot change it.
Or do you think otherwise?
p|s I am not a "positive psychologist" and convey to everyone who decides to contact me what is important [to him]. I never just say what people want to hear. This occupation is difficult and not always rewarding, but honest and productive, it saves years of Life. If you want "strokes" and unreasonable assurances of your "holiness" - do not contact me. Passing out what is desired [by the client] as real is not my profile, this is the occupation of fortune-tellers and the like.
p|p|s
If it were so easy and pleasant to tell the truth, as Bulgakov's hero claimed, then the expression "sweet truth" would certainly exist in the language. However, no, only lies are sweet with us. Better than which, as you know, can only be the bitter truth.
Why is the truth bitter?
Most often, the truth turns out to be bitter because it contains unexpected information, or speaks of what a person is afraid to admit to himself. Suppose the cartographer is called by the management and says: “Ivan Ivanovich, are you aware that the earth is flat and rests on three whales?”. And then, 10 minutes later, another call would have been heard: "Hello, Vanya, it's me, your brother, lost in childhood." What unites these two messages? The answer "April 1" does not count. The fact is that both phone calls change the picture of the world of the unfortunate Ivan Ivanovich, and radically.
Each of us has a picture of the world. It is formed and confirmed by the experience that we receive daily. For example, the fact that dogs love you, that if you smoke at a bus stop, a bus will come right away, or that an employee of the DEP writes out certificates only for a box of chocolates - these are signs of your picture of the world. The picture of the world of each person includes not only ideas about others, but also ideas about oneself, about one's own relationships with others, about one's place in this world. And suddenly a certain monstrous contradiction arises, like a dusty bag on the head ...
For the majority, redrawing their own picture of the world is a process that is not only long, but also painful. It turns out that a situation in which a person is “happy to be deceived” often becomes our defensive reaction.
The bitter truth is like a poisonous plant
Growth conditions. The bitter truth is unpretentious. For its cultivation, only one thing is needed: the presence of the original distorted information. And it does not matter for what reasons it was distorted - intentionally or accidentally. Favorable ground for the growth of bitter truth are omissions, the desire to protect another from trouble, the fear that you will be misunderstood, the discrepancy between your ideal "I" and the real state of things.
What is the least you want to know?
Facts affecting our self-esteem.
Unpleasant discoveries in personal life - when a person discovers that he was deceived about the qualities of a loved one or related circumstances.
Unfavorable information about close relatives.
Information concerning our health.
About the so-called figures of silence: this is the truth, seemingly known to everyone, but to which everyone carefully turned a blind eye before publication.
Distribution area. It can grow in any place: in interpersonal relationships, and in work, and in the evaluation of events - in all aspects that make up our picture of the world.
Signs of poisoning. What is at stake when we discover the bitter truth? First, our picture of the world is changing. Secondly, the relationship with the truth-seeker can be hopelessly damaged. Thirdly, the bitter truth can seriously affect our self-esteem, and in some cases even lead us out of the rut for a long time.
Healthy dishes based on the bitter truth
Whether to tell the bitter truth or keep it to yourself is an eternal question. Opponents of dumping the bitter truth on the interlocutor usually cite as an example seriously ill people who, having learned their diagnosis, finally lost the will to live. But lovers of the bitter truth will surely like the plot of one story by Maupassant, the heroine of which borrowed a diamond necklace from a wealthy friend, and, having sparkled and danced at a party, found that she had lost the jewelry. Terrified, she makes every possible effort, only to urgently borrow money, buy the same necklace and return it to her friend without scandal. She devotes her whole life to issuing debts to creditors, and only many years later she finds out that the necklace she lost was fake. The plot, of course, is melodramatic, but the moral is transparent: sometimes, because of the fear of telling the truth, all life goes awry.
So there is no single recipe for truth and lies. With the same terminally ill people, not everything is so simple. For example, it is known that a few decades ago, Solzhenitsyn defeated an oncological diagnosis largely due to the fact that he was harshly told: "Not a tenant."
Therefore, in terms of the bitter truth, several rules must be observed.
1. Assess your goals and future results. That is, to ask the question: “And to whom what
will this truth be useful?" If you answer “Just can’t wait to open your eyes,” you will be ranked among the ideological truth-bearers. The answer: “It will be useful, but only to me,” exposes you as a person who does not care at all about the interlocutor. In other words, it is better to tell the truth-womb when the situation objectively requires it.
2. The degree of bitterness of truth should not be measured by itself, but by the one to whom it is addressed..
3. Take into account the peculiarities of the physical and mental state of the enlightened. It is not worth worrying a person close to a nervous breakdown without special need.
In addition, it is better to clearly understand that a deceiver (including those who deceive with good intentions), as well as a fighter for the truth at any cost, is driven by his own understanding of the situation, which may turn out to be true only in one instance or even an incorrect assessment. The historical anecdote says: “They wanted to tell Socrates something about his student. Then Socrates asked: “Will this help me, will it benefit me, or will it teach me?” He was told that no, and the philosopher did not want to listen. So he never found out about his wife's betrayal. Sometimes it happens.
Olesya Sosnitskaya
Each person more than once in his life faced a choice: whether to open the true state of affairs or embellish the situation, if this would be more favorable in this case.
Let's discuss: what is better: a pleasant delusion or pure truth, sometimes even a sad one.
Completely different events happen in life: joy is replaced by sadness, Fortune's smiles alternate with certain obstacles.
Thinking about the relationship of what is happening with our thoughts and actions, one cannot fail to notice one very important detail: in spite of everything, it is much preferable to know the correct, truthful information than to enjoy pleasant, but false information.
Indeed, if we begin to believe in a fairy tale, which, in fact, does not exist, then sooner or later this fact will make itself felt: one careless step can change fate in an absolutely opposite direction. Being in captivity of illusions, a person ceases to assess the situation in real time. He sees only the outer shell of circumstances, not noticing the inner and not paying attention to the "pitfalls" of a particular case.
One of the most common misconceptions most often becomes a misunderstanding of the feelings of other people. A veil of romantic inspiration envelops the eyes and sometimes does not allow one to understand how sincere the words of a loved one are.
We know the example of Sophia, the main character of the poem by Griboyedov A.S. "Woe from Wit", which, having fallen in love with Molchanin, a modest but self-serving employee of the girl's father, at first accepts his romantic impulse as a gift of fate, which finally made her happy. But everything is revealed in one moment: after seeing the scene of declaration of love between Molchanin and the sweet maid, Sophia realizes how wrong she was.
Disappointment is an indispensable companion of any delusion. The later the real picture of life becomes clear, the more painful and difficult it is to accept the truth, understand its essence, and most importantly, change your life for the better.
In love, for example, sometimes it happens that we overestimate the sincerity of the intentions of the chosen one: perhaps his words are at odds with his actions.
So, being mistaken in some significant issue, we plunge into the world of illusions, and he, most likely, will not be able to lead us on the right path leading to success. On the one hand, in some cases, a pleasant lie, or, as it is commonly called, a lie in the name of salvation, seems to be the only relevant solution. But, on the other hand, why mislead the dearest and closest people to us; wishing them well in this way, we may doom them to unpleasant consequences: disappointment, resentment, sad thoughts.
Therefore, in our pursuit of a successful career and a harmonious atmosphere, we should not forget that all this can only be achieved if we clearly see the picture of events. If the reality is clearly embellished, someday this will become known, the shadows will disappear, the secrets will be revealed.
As Mark Twain said, "When in doubt, tell the truth." Indeed, you should not invent non-existent facts, because it is you who will unravel the threads of fate.
A pleasant delusion can help only for a while, it does not allow the vital energy to be realized in full force, which means that a person runs the risk of missing an unexpected gift from His Majesty Chance.
The illustration was found on the Internet.
Padding around the form
Since time immemorial, mankind has lived in a false world, which is such thanks to man. All people cheat: from the cleaner to the president. The more people lie, the more they understand that doing this is ugly, but knowing this does not stop lying less. Someone on trifles, someone bigger and bigger, but there is not a single one who would not lie. It is believed that lying is a bad, terrible habit that needs to be fought. The one who lied is shamed, scolded. It is ridiculous that he who was ashamed yesterday is himself ashamed today. Man is a rather contradictory nature. On the one hand, he considers it an absurd thing to lie, and on the other hand, it is no less ugly to say what he thinks. Although those who are endowed with straightforwardness lie less, they do not use the opportunity to think about what to say, and thus do not have time to come up with a lie. Why is straightforwardness also a vice? Because, as they believe, in this way you can offend a person by telling an unpleasant interlocutor that he really does not attract. It is considered better to remain silent. But by holding back our words, we non-verbally express sympathy. In this case, it’s still time: isn’t a nice smile to an unpleasant person a lie? Of course, if you go into facial expressions and gestures in more detail, you can catch what the true attitude will express, but this, alas, is given only to a professional. Do people really want the lies to disappear? One can imagine a world where there is no such thing, and everyone tells each other only the truth. People who are ugly or not very smart will not be flattered about how good and smart they are, and the truth will depress them even more. And if now people fanatically try to be like a certain ideal invented by them, then what will happen then? The number of notorious, unhappy, angry people will increase, and as a result of this, the mentally unhealthy. And if now they think that lies are the cause of many disasters, then in that fantasy world they would have thought so in relation to the truth. Mankind cannot even imagine what negative global proportions the general truth would have reached. Now politicians from different countries have to smile at each other and, in order not to offend anyone, a country with a bad economy, low GDP, and so on, is called “developing”. In the "true" world, these countries would bear the honest name of "underdeveloped" or "wild", which would cause conflicts and wars: not for land, oil and other resources, as it is now; war would be provoked by human resentment and patriotism - how is it that the American president told the whole world that all other countries are underdeveloped? It's touching when parents read a lot of books, something like "How to teach a child not to lie." They probably do not think that this is a priori impossible. How can a child not learn to lie when they lie to him from birth? About the fact that if he does not obey, the babayka will take away, about Santa Claus, finally. And everyone's favorite fairy tales about non-existent characters and talking animals - isn't that a lie? They also lie about how the child appeared, they say, they found it in cabbage or a stork brought it. I always wondered why it was in the cabbage and the stork? Of course, parents are more comfortable with the truth. And instead of the usual: “Mom, I’m at Luda’s, we teach math,” it will be easier to hear “No, why do we need this math. We walk, we drink vodka. There are four guys here and they are all so cute.” Parents will calm down and fall asleep peacefully - after all, the daughter told the truth! Has anyone thought about the fact that a lie is one of the components of happiness. Especially the one that is called the "white lie." Yes, the beloved lied about being at work, but only so as not to worry his wife again. Trying to fight lies, people consciously do not want to eradicate it. After all, it’s easier, it’s better, we can say that it’s more humane. Lying helps in getting a job, in love relationships and communicating with other people. People do not want to know the whole truth, they prefer to be deceived.And what if men would tell the truth: Lies against the Truth.
Lies against the Truth part 2. What if women told the truth
Padding around the form
A world where truth reigns and the inhabitants are happy is nothing more than a utopia. Such a reality is impossible, because people subconsciously avoid destructive truth in order to protect themselves. But the popular proverb says: "Better the bitter truth than the sweet lie." What does this expression actually mean and is the truth really better? Let's try to figure it out.
The place of lies in everyday life
The proverb “Better the bitter truth than the sweet lie” is known to every person since school. And probably, everyone faced such a dilemma: tell the truth or lie. After all, sometimes the only way out is to hide the real state of affairs.
“Better the bitter truth than the sweet lie” - this proverb is bipolar, because no matter how you look at it: lying is bad and you need to do something with lies. But on the other hand, the world exists only thanks to lies. For example, political leaders refer to Third World countries as "promising" and "ready to develop" rather than "backward." Many will call this the rules of decency, political or business etiquette, although in fact this is a lie.
But it is precisely this lie that allows states to coexist peacefully with each other. After all, it is quite likely that if you call some country underdeveloped, then a war will begin. But this time not for resources, freedom or territory, but for the offended self-esteem of its inhabitants.
The lies that keep society going
A lie can be called any information that a person deliberately hides or presents in a distorted form. And in everyday life there is a lot of space for lies: children's fairy tales, non-existent characters, rules of conduct, according to which a person cannot express all his displeasure in person. And this is only a small part of the lie, thanks to which one can observe relative peace and tranquility in society.
But is it possible to find the truth in this case? Mark Twain once said, "Only children and fools will tell the truth." The conclusion is clear: the wise and adults tend to lie.
The truth is needed
The truth is so unpleasant that it is hard to come to terms with it. Of course, it is good to know if there is nothing to hope for; this gives the person the freedom to move forward. But not everyone can proudly raise their heads and accept the bitter truth. With the dilemma "Which is better: the bitter truth or the sweet lie?" British scientists tried to cope. During the experiment, patients from UK clinics were interviewed. Respondents were asked if they would like to know the whole truth about their illness.
The study revealed that 90% of patients want to know only the truth. They are sure that in such matters the bitter truth is better than the sweet lie. Many healthy people believe that the sick should not know everything, but the majority of patients claim that they would like to have information about the severity of the disease. Indeed, in the event of a fatal outcome, they will definitely know that they have a certain time limit and will not waste it in vain.
Paradox
As you can see, people really demand the truth. But when they begin to err in what is important to them, they easily plunge into the ideal world created by white lies. A person does not like lies and despises them in every possible way, but at the same time it is impossible to find someone who speaks only the truth. Lie to your boss, hide your real thoughts from your friends, tell your parents that everything is fine at work, but actually solve problems and smile in response to the question “How are you?” These situations are familiar to everyone. The uncomfortable truth is one of those things that people choose to ignore.
Still, a bitter truth is better than a sweet lie. A lie has one unpleasant feature - it will be revealed. And when the truth comes to the surface, a person loses not only his status, authority and image, but also the trust of others. And it's not easy to recover.
But on the other hand, honesty can also be harmful. As they say in criminal circles: "Witnesses do not live long." And the knowledge of the truth and the possibility of its disclosure sometimes provokes people to terrible things.
How are you taught to think?
Even in school years, the problem of writing an essay “Better a bitter truth than a sweet lie” arises. In each such work, you can read different stories about schoolchildren who did something incorrect, but the children became ashamed, and they confessed to their deeds.
Thematic story "Better the bitter truth than the sweet lie" could have the following format:
“There were two girlfriends in one class. One studied well, and the other subjects were given with difficulty. But the one who did not study well had her mother sick, and she tried to upset her as little as possible. When there was another control work, the girl who did not study well copied the task from her friend. Of course, she was given a five, but the girl was not happy with such an assessment. She approached the teacher and honestly said that she had copied and asked to put a deuce. The teacher praised her for her honesty and corrected her grade. But the girl, on the contrary, was pleased, even if she carried a deuce in her briefcase, but it was well deserved and honestly earned.
In stories like these, we are taught from an early age that if you tell the truth, you will feel better. Here, the emphasis is more on the moral and emotional aspect: they will praise for the truth, a pleasant feeling of relief will appear from the truth, etc.
What should a decent person do?
From a young age, a person is taught such simple rules of behavior that are based on truth and conscience:
- Speak the truth about yourself.
- An honest person is an honest person.
- You need to apologize for a broken promise.
- Promises should always be kept.
- You always have to be honest.
- You can't talk about someone who isn't around.
- An opinion about a person needs to be told to him alone, and not to the public.
On the thin line
As you can see, there are many untouched gaps in the rules, because a person is arranged in such a way that he cannot speak exclusively the truth. There are situations in life when it is necessary to lie, but you need to be able to assess the situation and understand what is better to say and what to keep silent about. Lying should only be resorted to in the most extreme cases.
In English, "The bitter truth is better than a sweet lie" will sound like this: The bitter truth is better than a sweet lie. But the essence of the expression, stated in another language, remains unchanged: having lied at least once, a person can forever lose confidence and is doomed to constantly prove the veracity of his words.
Why is the truth better?
No matter how common lies are, the words of truth will always be the best in everyday use. Why is bitter truth always better than sweet lies? There are several reasons for this:
- People who tell the truth are always confident in themselves (they are not afraid of being exposed).
- Their advice is heeded.
- People who tell the truth are feared and respected at the same time.
- Those who tell the truth are in better health than those who lie.
You can give thousands of arguments for and against lies. Even in the school curriculum there is a task for writing an essay on this topic.
The essay “Why bitter truth is better than sweet lies” is not such a rare occurrence in Russian language lessons. Alternatively, you can build your work as follows:
- Introduction. It is worth talking about the contradiction between truth and lies in society.
- Main part. Write a short story about the importance of truth for a person.
- Final part. Summing up, we can say that you always need to understand the situation before you lie.
An example would be the following text:
“A virtuous lie rarely justifies its existence, and the truth, no matter how cruel it may be, is better than a false hope. But in a world where the foundations of society are basically built on lies, this is rarely thought about until something unforeseen happens.
A young doctor who recently came to the clinic specialized in diseases of the nervous system. Once a patient came to him - a boy of 10 years old, who had symptoms of Lou Gehrig's disease. This disease leads to a gradual breakdown of the central nervous system. The person gradually stops walking, moving, talking. He has only two options: either a healthy person turns into a "vegetable", or he dies from the failure of the muscles of the respiratory tract.
The doctor did not tell the boy anything about the seriousness of his illness, but only assured that everything would be fine, and he would definitely get better. The doctor did not want to upset the young patient with the terrible news that he would no longer be able to walk and his life would change forever with the progression of the disease. But the disease took over sooner than the doctor expected. In the morning, when he came to the hospital, the young patient was already in the department and was immobilized. He had to tell the whole truth. The boy began to cry and could only say one thing: "Doctor, give me back my time."
If the boy had known the truth sooner, he would have had some time to walk more, talk more and get more out of life while it was possible.”
The proverb “Better the bitter truth than the sweet lie” in the modern world seems to be an ambiguous phenomenon. On the one hand, we are taught to tell the truth, but on the other hand, society has always had the etiquette of reticence. Here the choice depends solely on the person: he is ready to face the truth boldly and present it, or he will build barricades from fragments of lies, fencing himself off from reality. And when the choice falls on the second scenario, you just need to imagine what will happen when the truth comes out and someone asks: "Give me back my time."
