For many people, “having what you want” is synonymous with happiness. But not everyone thinks about what they really need in life.

They continue to plow at the job they hate and waste two-thirds of their life, believing that they want money and career growth. And how is it in reality?

open the door to fantasy

Psychologists say that modern society is afraid of success, although it is aimed at it. People are afraid to become happy and to be realized contrary to the typical "karma of losers."

And the world has a severe influence on our aspirations and impulses. Friends say “we need to get married”, parents want to become successful, rich and respected.

But it is very important to stop, discard everything superficial and confess your deepest, true dreams..

A child of five years old knows for sure that he wants to become a cook or a ballerina - not for the sake of the recognition of the crowd, but for self-expression. A tired mother of three boys dreams of getting enough sleep, relaxing in a sanatorium and listening to the coastal silence.

Not all modern women are careerists and feminists by nature: somewhere in the core of their souls they yearn to start a family and grow flowers in the front garden.

Taste life

The best teacher is your own experience. There is only one way to understand what you need in life - to taste the most different things and draw conclusions.

So, my neighbor all her life dreamed of traveling the world. But after three food poisonings in North Africa, two muggings in Europe, and an encounter with a poisonous frog in Bali, she has realized that she loves her safe cottage - and never shows her nose from there again.

Understanding exactly what you truly desire helps you find your calling.

When you act on your true impulses, you fill your life with emotional comfort and harmony, and you achieve success faster.

To understand what you need in life, you have to become a notorious egoist. It's like tasting cheeses or delicacies. Even if everyone says that the dish is amazing, you can’t deceive the body. He knows exactly if he likes it or not.

You do not dare to eat something that makes you internally sick? You also need to evaluate work, hobbies and relationships.

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Make a pyramid of priorities. What will be higher - family or career, self-improvement or financial stability, self-expression or spiritual growth.

In the first column, indicate what makes you feel euphoric. What events and actions cause a storm of positive emotions: meeting with friends, business trips to other cities, practicing a foreign language in a foreign environment, making music, driving a car, repairing a house, reading a class book, working with your own hands, raising a crumb?

The second column is for burdensome, categorically unpleasant moments.. Parent-teacher conferences, queues at the clinic, humiliation from superiors, cold calls, direct sales, working on your feet, contacts with a lot of people...

Act on the contrary: if in the second block you wrote “an eight-hour working day in a stuffy office”, then freelancing and a free schedule are closer to your body.

In the third column, describe something without which you do not feel comfortable in life, your personal must have for universal happiness.

For example, “silence in the morning hours”, “lack of contact with strangers”, “silent mobile phone”, “beautiful view from the window”, “two full days off with the family”.

And although everyone writes in the resume about the mythical stress resistance, nervous strain is of little use to anyone.

What is needed in life and what is not

Think about the situation in which everything from the third column will accompany you, the maximum from the first and the minimum from the second.

Even if such a mix seems fantastic to you, believe that it is possible.

Another one motivational technique- imagine that you have several lives, about five or six.

Please note that the idea is not to change something in the current fate. You are offered other versions of yourself, additional ones.

What could hypothetically do fantastic clones? Suddenly, one would become a fashion designer, and the second - an interior designer, the third would certainly take care of the garden and build a house, and the fourth would buy a yacht and go on a cruise.

An amazing fact: if a person imagines himself truly happy, he is usually far from the image of Scrooge McDuck diving into gold mines.

For many, wealth is an optional condition for inner harmony, and the average income suits the majority.

So is it worth chasing millions if your personal happiness is quiet and simple, without a daily portion of caviar on a saucer, but with your beloved cat at your side.

Since you are reading this article, it means that you do not feel completely happy and want to understand yourself.

Think about what annoys you at the moment. What really infuriates you: low salary, workload, lack of time for hobbies, quarrels with the family, the need to work “for an uncle”?

Some nuances can be corrected even today - it is enough to want. Other problems will require a long and detailed plan.

Set micro goals for yourself and look for ways to achieve them. Travel through this life consciously and fill every day with personal meaning!

The fate of a person is a path of trial and error, self-education and other steps. I can do everything, I want everything, but how to understand what choice to make?

1. We take two hours of our time (undivided, personal and calm) and sit down at the table

It is important. Not on the sofa, not on the bench, but at the table. We write down everything that we like to do, that interests us. Let it be even a stream of thoughts. It is important to write EVERYTHING.

Now put the paper aside and go to bed. The next day, they took a sober look, analyzed it, crossed out outright nonsense. Now it's easier - there is a basis and ways of direction.

2. Read, listen, visit

For a week or two, try to read/listen to/attend a few places/events related to your chosen fields. Breathe in the local air, feel the atmosphere.

3. What do you dislike?

Let's go from the opposite and in the same way we decide what we do NOT like to do. For example, come to work with mom / dad / other relatives and understand - yours or not. Did you see? I do not like? Good. There is already something.

4. Internship

Any office/magazine/job of your dreams is always looking for interns/volunteers. EVERYTHING IS SO SIMPLE. Exactly. You just need to dial the phone number of the authority and ask about the conditions of the internship. Trying is not torture. Such an experience is the best way to "sober up" your ideas about future work and make it clear whether it is "it" or not.

5. Travel a lot and often if possible

A closed space, the same circle of friends, communication often leads us to a dead end. There is an explosion in your head, a surge of inspiration, energy. You see how people live far and near, what they do.

6. Hang out with older people

Age is not as important here as life experience is important. Especially the experience of those who are already successful in their field and have achieved something. Ask for advice, be interested.

7. Interest club

There are a lot of organizations for students / youth, not only on interests, but also on a general, so to speak, direction. There you can find like-minded people - one, have a good time - two. Three - often people around us let us know who WE really are.

8. Read a lot

9. Although the ninth, but very important point (!)

Please think with your head. Not moms / dads / families / aunts by mom dad, but their own. YOU live and love what you do. This is your ambition, life.

10. Make contacts

This is now called "networking" (from "network", "network" in translation from English.). Your interested and capable friends now are successful people, entrepreneurs, specialists in the future. Be polite to everyone. Try to help others when possible. Such relationships with people are the building blocks of the future. What you do now - you later.

11. Know how to relax

You can't always search hard for your calling. Thought? Doesn't go? We take a break and just relax.

12. And here's the catch (see point 9) - listen to relatives and friends

13. Test

Take the Career Test. I am not laughing now. Thousands of psychologists and other specialists developed this kind of tests for a reason. Every question and your answer has meaning. Whether to follow the test results or not is your right.

14. Exhale, there is not much left

So, we are trying to get out of our comfort zone and do something that we have not tried before. In a week we come up with such 2-3 lessons maximum and broaden our horizons. Imagine that you are a guinea pig and a doctor at the same time. Watch your reactions to certain objects / activities / activities. Draw your own conclusions.

15. Last and most important

Ready? Be yourself. Seriously. Stop copying anyone if you've done it before. Someone's experience may not suit you, someone's views may differ from yours, and this is normal. Everyone has his own path. It is important to go through it yourself from beginning to end.

In the life of a couple, there may come a moment when, as if the veil falls from the eyes, and you realize that everything cannot continue like this. Relationships have reached a dead end and you need to break them right now, because they poison your life and prevent you from moving forward.

But how do you know that you can't be together? After all, we girls tend to drag relationships with us like a dead weight due to pity, habit, or some other feelings. By what signs can we say "Stop" to ourselves?

1. Lack of communication

In the early days of your relationship, neither of you could go an hour without a phone call or text message to each other. It was the norm. Now you sometimes even think that he deliberately ignores your attempts to contact him.

2. No talk about the future

One of the most natural and delightful parts of any relationship is planning for the future together. Vacation plans, dreams about where you would like to build a house, coming up with possible names for future children - all this gives a sense of security, the idea that you will always be together and grow old together. Try to broach the subject now - all you get is a slurred nod. Neither of you wants to discuss where you want to go in the summer or where to go on the weekends anymore.

3. Reluctance to make an effort

At first, you could not decide what to do for both of you: hiking or picnicking on the river bank - everything was equally delightful and romantic. Now you don’t even want to make an effort and go to a restaurant or to the cinema to somehow support the outgoing passion. Your option now is to sit apathetically at home and watch TV. And it's good if they are together.

4. Quarrels with the transition to the individual

You've had minor, frivolous quarrels before. Now this is a real war, where all means are good. You know each other's weaknesses and vulnerabilities well and use them to simply "get" your partner.

5. Quarrels break out instantly, everything is annoying

Even a slight hint that seems annoying to you leads to the fact that you rush into a quarrel without additional warning. If so, then we can assume that you have deep resentments that poison the relationship. You will never look at your partner the same way again.

6. Quarrels in public

If this happens, then you absolutely do not care if anyone finds out about your problems, this is a sign that you have lost all respect for each other.

7. The desire for independence

At first, you wanted to spend every free minute together, starting with sharing a shower in the morning. Now all you want to do is meet up with friends or even work overtime so you don't spend more time together than is necessary.

8. Loss of trust

No comments here, because trust is the basis of any successful relationship.

9. Change in perception

Remember, once his button nose touched you, seemed charming? Or his short, weird laugh? How funny and affectionate he seemed! Today, the same nose makes him look like a boar, and an idiotic laugh is completely annoying.

Instruction

If time permits, go on vacation. Or sacrifice a couple of days off in your favor. Take a rest. Get enough sleep.

Take a notepad, laptop - whatever you like. Write down the title: "What do I need in this one?" Write whatever ideas come to mind. Perhaps at first they will not be at all, or they will seem unworthy of attention. Record it anyway. Don't rush anywhere. The question is serious. Write everything. Starting from looking after a phone during a trip to the store and ending with great achievements: learn a foreign language, get another one, get married or get married, build a house, achieve fame, etc. Don't limit yourself to 20-30 points. The more you write, the better.

Cross out insignificant, momentary desires. Check the ones that are most important to you. Make adjustments along the way. You should not try to become a TV star if you have never performed on stage and have not held a microphone in your hands, and you have big problems with diction.

Count how many points you got. Look at them. Determine which ones are really important to you and which you can hardly imagine without. Nobody is rushing you. If there are no meaningful ideas, take a break. Do not try to squeeze any solutions out of yourself. Pick one small item and take a small step in that direction.

Make as many daily life changes as you can. Change your style of clothing, go where you haven't been before. Try new foods, hobbies. Fill your life with new experiences. And the answer to the question will surely come.

Useful advice

If you still have not decided what you need from life, then you are simply on the wrong road. It's time to explore new paths. And on one of them you will definitely find the answer to your question.

Sources:

• how to understand you want me

“Love is blind” is not an old saying, but a bitter truth that for thousands of years has consoled those who are the last to know about betrayal. Wives, husbands, girlfriends and companions ask themselves - how could I not notice that he / she is cheating on me? Do we always know where to look? What to pay attention to? What actions should make us wary and stop being so in love, and therefore so naive?

Instruction

Does your partner talk on the phone longer than usual? When he picks up his cell phone, does he always have things to do outside of the room where you are? He looks at the ringing phone, sees, but does not pick up the phone, but transfers to voice mail? Has he taken his cell phone with him everywhere, including the bathroom? If this behavior is repeated more and more often, you should “take off your rose-colored glasses” and take a closer look at your partner.

Pay attention to how your companion uses the Internet. Does it wait for you to lie down to sit, does the laptop blow the room, does it close the browser when you enter the room? Decide for yourself if you should check his email and website history or if you want to be "above it" even if he's hiding something from you.

Many argue that it will always make itself felt in the cooling of sexual relations. The person who has changed will allegedly avoid contacts of this kind. But here's the thing - deceivers who want to hide their "turn to the left" are well aware of this popular "omen" and sometimes go to bed with you with redoubled ardor in order to avoid all sorts of suspicions and accusations. Also, do not discount the fact that in a new romance on the side, your partner may have new sexual appetites, habits and fantasies. Perhaps they can't wait to date their crush and therefore fulfill their desires with you?

Has your partner become more picky about his appearance? Men want to look more energetic, women start dressing sexier. Usually indifferent to issues of weight, appearance, hairstyles, fragrances, the partner suddenly began to pay a lot of attention to this? If he is not very interested in whether you like these changes, most likely this is done for someone else.

Pay attention to how your partner spends money. If he suddenly began to lose large sums somewhere, and he cannot explain to you what they are going for, maybe it makes sense to look into his finances? Pay attention to the checks in his pockets, if you have the opportunity, look at the printout from his bank card. Restaurant bills you didn't go to, flowers and jewelry you didn't get, sexy lingerie you didn't see her wearing - what more proof do you need to know you're being scammed?

If suddenly employees or friends of your partner begin to feel uncomfortable in your presence, look away, look at you with pity, in a conversation they obviously stumble and consider what has been said, does this mean that they know something about your life that they don’t know you?

Your partner has suddenly become moody, his mood changes dramatically, he has become more aggressive in conversation with you, often asks you questions in various forms - what do you think about non-monogamous marriages? Are you really sure that you can carry the love of one person through your whole life? Are you happy with him? Perhaps this is not exactly, but these are signals that something is seriously wrong in yours.

Your companion has new interests and tastes that seem completely out of character to you. Has he become interested in ballroom dancing? Is she interested in chess? He began to believe that you should not paint your lips? She says a self-respecting man should spend two hours every day at the gym? What do you think, why would it?

He's just picking on! Yesterday he was satisfied with the way you dress, cook, kiss, what you think about the situation in Pakistan and what films you watch and books you read, but today you can’t please him. It may well be that your companion is simply looking for an excuse to break off relations with you so as not to feel guilty for cheating.

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Useful advice

Usually we feel great that we are being deceived, but we don’t want to believe it so much that we close our eyes to everything. If you are not a jealous person, if you have always trusted your partner completely, and now you have begun to feel some discomfort, then perhaps you should trust your intuition?

Sources:

• how to understand you cheat in 2019

Life is an exciting adventure that can be painted in different colors. Sometimes it is joyful, pleasant and memorable, sometimes sad and dull. But it is precisely these differences that make it interesting. And it's worth living for many things to make the space even more entertaining.

A person is not always able to live for himself. How often there are people who are ready to work only for the sake of others, to cook something tasty only for guests or loved ones, to do some deeds to win someone else's heart. Satisfying your needs is very simple, because a person needs a roof over his head, food and comfortable clothes. But if someone is nearby, then there are much more needs.

Life for loved ones

Almost all people are looking for a second half. And a couple is needed not only to be near, it carries the meaning of life, it fills every day with significance. When there is a person nearby, you want to please him, to make his world brighter and more exciting, and this pushes a person to work, to achieve, to act. It is not for nothing that men very often look for a muse, and women dream of having a baby. These people bring order into existence, give significance to what is happening.

Having someone around allows you to share what you have. And in the presence of a large number of people, also brag about what others do not have. Social games allow you to assert yourself, strive for more and fill life with meaning. After all, there would be no significance in an expensive car if it were not desirable for everyone. After all, it performs all the functions that a regular car does, but it is the presence of other people, their desire to get it, that makes it important, helps to achieve such purchases.

Life for impressions

There are people who choose life for adventure and emotion. They strive for more and more experiences, looking for new sensations. Their world seems boring to them, and the constant search for a new one makes them feel better. Having experienced something, they dream of strengthening this feeling, making it even brighter and more interesting. These are people, they enjoy the views, visit different countries. For them, emotions come first.

Extreme people live the same way. They constantly try to get as much adrenaline as possible, they are not even afraid of the possibility of dying. After all, the power of the moment is much more important. They jump with a parachute, raft down mountain rivers, master the bungee, and again and again subject themselves to overloads. Impressions can be found in different areas. Someone lives in search of new tastes, someone strives to try the maximum amount of physical sensations or even fears.

Life for goals

Life for purposes can also exist. A person comes up with a certain peak for himself, and then just goes to it. The meaning of existence is to achieve what you want, to get everything that is planned. This is a very exciting life, but here it is important that the goal is not final. If you achieve everything that was invented, it can become very sad. When achieved, there may be a loss of desire to exist.

Women are monogamous by nature, and understand treason men they can with great difficulty. This is a deep wound that does not heal to the end, and even after 10 years it will respond with acute pain in them. But, experienced women say, and family psychologists agree with them, that betrayal is not a reason for parting. Especially not a reason for divorce. But how to understand the traitor whom you believed, whom you loved, and he reciprocated, and then easily and brazenly destroyed everything that was best between you.

You will need

• Patience, endurance, love for your man.

Instruction

You learned about the change. There is a blank space in my head. Most importantly, try to think rationally. Don't hold onto this shock. Of course, you can't tell this to anyone. Even the closest friend does not want to. Then write all your thoughts on paper. Psychologists say it helps a lot with stress.

Unleash your emotions. Holding them back is as harmful as thoughts. This does not mean at all that it is necessary to attack your "traitor" with fists. Just let off steam. A Russian person will always find a way to do it.

Now you are ready for constructive solutions. Situations are different. Sometimes you have to continue to pretend that everything is in order. In any case, you have time to understand yourself and what happened. If you really love a person and do not want to end the relationship, you will have to understand and accept him. We are all just people with our weaknesses.

Try to understand the reasons for your man. Perhaps this is your fault too.
Strong love. It happens. Just on to another. And he cannot understand where he should move - to her, like a dream, or to you, a quiet and safe haven. Syndrome of habit. Long life together, dulling of all feelings, desire for new sensations.
The classic reason was that he was very drunk and did not think well. You can understand. Try to drink yourself to insensibility. Very loving. And you knew about it from the very beginning. So what do you want from him. Loyalty to the grave?
Did this

You have a relationship with a guy, but the question constantly arises: how seriously does he take them? How to understand if a man needs you, or is it just a game for him? Or maybe he uses you for his own selfish purposes? This is what we will talk about in our article. You will learn how to understand whether he values ​​​​relationships, whether he is in love, or he only needs sex and he does not see you as part of his future.

No matter how beautiful words sound from the lips of a man addressed to a woman, his actions can say more eloquently about his attitude. It is behavior that speaks of the role a woman plays in a man's life.

Each relationship is unique in its own way, but there are a number of signs that help shed light on intentions for your partner. If you are looking for a life partner and do not want to be a temporary toy, it is worth considering what you mean to the man you are dating.

Here are some signs that show that a guy does not value relationships at all:

• You've been dating for a long time, but he doesn't introduce you to his friends. You do not go together to crowded places - to the skating rink, to the cinema. He also refuses to meet your friends;
• meetings occur only when it is convenient for him;
• the guy does not offer to introduce him to his relatives and refuses to get acquainted with yours;
• often at the last minute cancels plans to meet with you;
• frequent quarrels because of his dissatisfaction with your appearance, behavior;
• his compliments do not sound sincere, but like in a cheap theater. When speaking, he does not select words and can use rude expressions, profanity. But it is worth considering the fact that some men consider this the norm of behavior and rudeness has already taken root in them;
• the amount of attention given can also be an indicator of a man's attitude. If he offers to meet only when he needs something, this is not good. Most often, a man uses a woman as a sexual partner. Offers meetings to have sex. Here it is not necessary to go into deep reasoning, the consumer attitude towards a woman is evident.

If a man really loves

When a guy values ​​a relationship, it's always obvious. You will definitely notice the following in his behavior:

• he listens to your opinion. If a man does not agree with you, but does as you ask him, he really values ​​\u200b\u200bthe relationship;
• gifts are a clear sign that a man is trying to win you over. If a girl often receives various presents from her beloved, then she won his heart and now he is trying to conquer her;
• if, after meeting you, a man began to change for the better, got a better paying job, bought a new car, signed up for courses, all this indicates that you inspire him;
• manners can also tell a lot about a man. A guy in love will compliment a girl, as he notices all the little things and details of her appearance. If a man gives his hand when you get out of the car, opens the door for you, a real gentleman is nearby, worthy of attention;
• tenderness and affection are signs of a reverent attitude towards a girl, a woman. If such traits appear in his behavior, then the man appreciates you.

Do you want to know all the secrets of seducing men? We advise you to look free video course Alexey Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women". You will receive a 12-step step-by-step plan on how to drive any man crazy and keep his affection for years to come.

The video course is free. To watch, go to this page, leave your e-mail and you will receive an email with a link to the video.

If you notice that a man looks at you with an interested look, but does not take any steps towards you, you can invite him for coffee first. But it’s worth acting unobtrusively. A man in love will not refuse a lady of the heart.

Do you want to know 8 more unmistakable signs of the behavior of a man in love? Then definitely.

If you want to make sure that the guy really loves, look at him. From them one can unmistakably determine his true attitude.

A few more female tricks that will help.

How to understand that he only needs you for sex

The actions of men who say that they use a woman for sex:

• your partner does not tell anything about himself, his family, work. You know little about him and he communicates with you only on intimate topics. Your revelations about feelings do not touch him and do not cause joy, interest;
• notice how he introduces you to his friends. If he introduces himself as an "acquaintance" or "girlfriend", judge for yourself what this means. But a loving man is unlikely to call his woman "girlfriend";
• if, after a night spent together with him, he worries that there are no “evidence” of your stay in the house, this should also alert;
• if your passionate partner becomes colder than an iceberg after sex, this is serious evidence of his indifference. A loving man pays attention to his partner all the time, she can count on hugs, kisses and sweet conversations;
• apart from having sex, you no longer spend leisure time together. Here is a picture of a clear consumer attitude for the sake of the bed;
• all the compliments that were heard from him during the period of acquaintance had a clear sexual connotation. Praise went to either your bust, your legs or other parts of the body, but not the person.

Video to help - why a man does not want a serious relationship:

If the relationship is far from ideal, either you allow the man too much, or simply “the wrong one” is nearby. Therefore, look for a lover, and do not be content with little.