The need to learn to understand people arises most often after a person is deceived several times about others. This is especially interesting if you are leading a Kyiv holiday. Those who at first glance seem to be reliable, responsible people can unexpectedly let us down, the one whom we consider kind and caring hurts us, and someone in whom we did not suspect high spiritual qualities turns out to be a true friend and wonderful man. Since we all depend on the people around us to one degree or another, we don’t want to rely on “maybe” in such an important issue. How to learn to understand people? This is what we will talk about today.

What to read to understand people

Since the topic of today's article is very extensive, I would like to give a few references to theoretical material that will be useful to you when moving towards your goal. First, be sure to read books from the field of body language, gestures, facial expressions, which say a lot about a person. If you are not afraid of some stereotyped approach, you can also study materials on physiognomy (definition of character by facial features) and psychological characteristics based on temperament (remember - choleric, sanguine). It will help to better understand people and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), since in this area it is very important to be able to read the signals given by a person unconsciously and interpret them. If you set a goal, a lot of useful information can be found by studying books and articles on personnel (recruiting personnel), because specialists in this field should be able to perfectly understand people during the interview.

And now the practice

No matter how many books you read, it is impossible to learn to understand people without practice. So practical experience is required. How to get it?

1. Develop and listen to your intuition

Very often, the inner voice tells us (mainly at the level of sensations or feelings) how to treat this or that person. From someone we have goosebumps and a feeling of anxiety arises, with other people we immediately feel calm and confident, about the third we just feel that "something is wrong." Intuition tells us something that we have not yet managed to realize, but at the subconscious level we have already perceived and recognized. Do not ignore the inner voice, anyway, later you will receive confirmation that your feelings warned you, but there will probably already be some losses.

2. Practice mindfulness and concentration

Suppose you have learned and even memorized the meaning of various signals that a person gives in sign language. In order to put this knowledge into practice, you need to constantly maintain concentration on the object of your study and not slide into the unconscious. After five minutes of communication, you can easily forget that you were going to observe and analyze something, and to prevent this from happening, develop the ability to focus on your task.

3. Draw conclusions in the right setting

The opinion that a person can be known only in trouble or an extreme situation exists for a reason. In familiar situations, most of us follow certain patterns of behavior, put on “protective” masks for others, and may pretend not to be who we are. Of course, I will not advise you to drag the person you want to understand into the mountains or create conditions that threaten his life so that he opens up, and you see it. But be careful and especially observant in any non-standard situation for a person. When he goes out of his comfort zone, when there is no way to use the template of reaction and behavior - then you will see the very essence of a person. Because he will make a decision in such a situation, following his inner values, and you, being nearby, will understand what these values ​​are and, accordingly, what kind of person is in front of you. The more non-standard this situation is, the easier it is to understand a person.

Gem of Wisdom

I think that one can learn to understand people from one's own experience, if this experience is not passive, but active-observant. Make your observations, analyze and add conclusions to your mental piggy bank - remember that knowledge gained from your own experience is more valuable than any received from outside. And I would like to finish with the words of the sage from the parable of pride and humility: “You can trust those who are easy to communicate with you and always tell you the truth, whatever it may be. These are the people who will be the first to help you.”

I am often told that I have a unique sense of people. I would like to hear it in a different version, but so far the conversation only begins like this: “And what was clear that he could not be trusted, right? Why didn't I ask you then ... ".

Of course, in order to understand people, you need to spend a lot of time with them. It’s not enough just to fill the bumps - after a few especially painful deceptions, you can close yourself and not trust anyone at all.

To understand people, you need to learn to see the patterns of human behavior and it's a lot easier than it looks. Here are the main ones, beacons that will make you think whether you need such a person in your environment or not.

Adaptation skills

Neurosis is a violation of adaptation. Young children begin to stutter, roll their eyes, urinate when there have been drastic changes in their lives that they have not been able to adapt to. Adults also have neuroses, they crawl out of their heads in the form of rabid cockroaches and begin to gnaw and trample on relationships with others.

You can be friends with such a person, but you must be prepared that unpleasant surprises will become commonplace. Such relationships will distract you more than help you.

The simplest signal of a violation of adaptation skills in a person may be his (or more often her) inability to quickly change plans: “Well, I already tuned in (-lased) for this, and now something happened ...”.

Do you want a problematic relationship? Let the person with the adjustment disorder come closer to you. As long as he will survive in your life, you will get it in full.

By the way, a question for men: “Do you know the trick when a girl abruptly changes her plans in order to attract you to her?” She enters the role of a capricious bitch, it infuriates you, but at the same time you are attracted to her. Why? Because in this way she demonstrates her significance in relationships - one, and high adaptation skills - two, which your subconscious mind reads as a sign of health.

Ability to be here and now

If a person does not hear you, most often it is not because he is busy or in a hurry, but because he does not know how to hear at all. Do you want to be forever misunderstood, to explain what you meant by this or that, to remain guilty? And believe me, you will be left to blame ... Let someone who does not know how to listen close to you.

An indirect sign may be a communication pattern in which he (or she) asks you only one-level questions. For example:

- How was the training?

- It's hard today.

Everything, the first level of questions is exhausted. Second-level questions like “why was it hard?”, “What didn’t get enough sleep?” will not sound. Instead of them it will be: “And I ...”

Reluctance to go deeper into the discussion of your topic - maybe

1. lack of interest in you (which in itself is significant)
2. or it may be a manifestation of a lack of interest in someone other than yourself in general, which means that you have “the gift is still the same” in front of you.

The beacon is this: if you feel that a person is not 100% in your conversation, this is already a signal that the phrase “why did I let him (her) so close to me” will one day be born in your head.

At what point in your life did you meet him/her?

History tends to repeat itself, and people tend to create the same situation around them.

Man's survival skills are enormous. In a period when he has neither money nor friends, he will unconsciously assume the shape and color of the best person in the world. If such a good person lives alone, without money (an indicator of social utility and just discipline), without friends and massive support from his environment, you can turn away from him too. You don't have time to prove to the whole world that every rejection is an accident. History repeats itself, remember? He will create a situation in the future, because of which you will have to turn away from him.

Is it possible to turn away from a poor, abandoned person and make a mistake? Yes, you certainly may. But the odds will be on the side of “better turn away” than “warm the snake.” If he is so good and an accident happened in his life, let him prove it to the world himself, without your participation. It is better to collect flowers, not garbage.

I think there are hundreds of rules that help you better understand people, and a few from your experience have already come to mind. Pay attention to these three, they are important.

The need to learn to understand people arises most often after a person is deceived several times about others. Those who seem at first glance reliable people can unexpectedly let us down, the one whom we consider kind and caring hurts us, and someone in whom we did not suspect high spiritual qualities turns out to be a true friend and a wonderful person. . Since we all depend on the people around us to one degree or another, we don’t want to rely on “maybe” in such an important issue. How to learn to understand people? This is what we will talk about today.

What to read to understand people

Since the topic of today's article is very extensive, I would like to give a few references to theoretical material that will be useful to you when moving to. First, be sure to read books from the field body language, gestures, facial expressions that say a lot about a person. If you are not afraid of some approach, you can also study materials on physiognomy(definition of character by facial features) and psychological characteristics, based on temperament (remember - choleric, sanguine). It will help to better understand people and (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), since in this area it is very important to be able to read the signals given by a person unconsciously and interpret them. If you set a goal, a lot of useful information can be found by studying books and articles on personnel matters(recruiting staff), because specialists in this field should be able to perfectly understand people during the time that the interview lasts.

And now the practice

No matter how many books you read, it is impossible to learn to understand people without practice. So it will be required. How to get it?

1. Develop and listen to yours. Often inner voice tells us(mainly at the level of sensations or feelings), how one should treat this or that person. From someone we have goosebumps and a feeling of anxiety arises, with other people we immediately feel calm and confident, about the third we just feel that "something is wrong." Intuition tells us something that we have not yet managed to realize, but at the subconscious level we have already perceived and recognized. Do not ignore the inner voice, anyway, later you will receive confirmation that your feelings warned you, but there will probably already be some losses.
2. Train mindfulness and. Suppose you have learned and even memorized the meaning of various signals that a person gives in sign language. In order to put this knowledge into practice, keep constantly focused on the object of your study and not slide into the unconscious. After five minutes of communication, you can easily forget that you were going to observe and analyze something, and to prevent this from happening, develop the ability to focus on your task.
3. Draw conclusions in the right context. The opinion that a person can be known only in trouble or an extreme situation exists for a reason. In familiar situations, most of us follow certain patterns of behavior, put on “protective” masks for others, and may pretend not to be who we are. Of course, I will not advise you to drag the person you want to understand into the mountains or create conditions that threaten his life so that he opens up, and you see it. But be careful and especially observant in any non-standard situation for a person. When he gets out of his own, when there is no way to use reactions and behaviors, then you will see the very essence of a person. Because he will make a decision in such a situation, following his own, and you, being nearby, will understand what kind of values ​​\u200b\u200band, accordingly, what kind of person is in front of you. The more non-standard this situation is, the easier it is to understand a person.

Gem of Wisdom

I think that you can learn to understand people from my own experience if this experience is not passive, but active-observant. Make your observations, analyze and add conclusions to your mental piggy bank - remember that knowledge gained from your own experience is more valuable than any knowledge received from outside. And I would like to finish with the words of the sage from the parable of pride and humility: “You can trust those who are easy to communicate with you and always tell you the truth, whatever it may be. These are the people who will be the first to help you.”

Trying to learn to understand people, to determine their character traits according to any typology, sooner or later you come to a dead end. Sometimes we even become the subject of someone's manipulations. Or the person with whom we communicate suddenly says or does something that was not expected from him at all. And now we don’t know what to do, at the same time we feel resentment, bewilderment, anxiety. I wish I could learn some simple rules in order to find an approach to people and not make mistakes in them ...

- How to understand whether a person sincerely wishes me well, is he interested in communication, does he treat me well? Or does he want to use me, deceive me, assert himself at my expense? so as not to become a victim of your own gullibility or ignorance?

Sadly, it happens that, considering a person to be friendly and sincere, we are deceived in him. Sometimes we even become the subject of someone's manipulations. Or the person with whom we communicate suddenly says or does something that was not expected from him at all. And now we don’t know what to do, at the same time we feel resentment, bewilderment, anxiety. It is not clear why he behaves this way, what is wrong with him?

I would like to learn some simple rules so as not to be mistaken in them.

Person's character

With questions about communicating with people, we turn to psychology. And there are many articles, books designed to understand another person, understand his character and develop tactics of behavior. One way or another, they usually try to divide people according to some criteria. For example, we all know the typology of temperament: sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic. Or by personality type: introvert, extrovert, ambivert. According to the perception of information: visual, auditory, kinesthetic, digital, etc. And what does this give us? How does it help to learn to understand people?

Trying to learn to understand people, to determine their character traits according to any typology, sooner or later you come to a dead end. There is no complete picture. Something does not fit, contradicts one another. The same person in some situations behaves one way, and in others - completely different. Or some properties of the characteristic accurately describe the interlocutor, but others have absolutely nothing to do with him. And so I want to get some practical guidance on communication and recognition of others.

We are looking for an approach: about the rules of communication with people systematically

The exact method of understanding the psyche is "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. It examines the differences in the human psyche according to vectors - sets of innate properties, abilities and desires that determine his thinking, life values ​​and aspirations. There are eight such vectors. A person can be the owner of one to eight, more often three or four vectors.

Difficulties in communication

It’s not sweet if you become an object on which negative emotions splash out. A representative of the visual vector can throw a tantrum if he is in bad mental states, namely, fears: from literal fear for his life to numerous ones. There are accusations of lack of attention and indifference, emotional blackmail and manipulation. A person in visual fears unconsciously demands: "Love me! I feel bad, I'm afraid - protect me!

Such a person needs emotional connections with other people. Potentially, the owners of the visual vector are kind, sympathetic, and sensitive. They are able to realize all their sensory resources in art, raising children, caring for those in need. But when a person with a visual vector is not able to build emotional intimacy, does not reveal his sensuality with others, then he himself becomes a victim of his unspent emotions.

Difficulties in communication

In the course of communication, it is difficult to get rid of the feeling that the interlocutor does not care about you: he looks somewhere through you or, rather, inside himself, speaks quietly, sometimes in understatement, as if he had already thought of it to himself, and he sees no point in explaining to you. It is unpleasant to feel like an empty place when dealing with such egocentrics. They can easily not answer at all if the subject of conversation seems to them not worthy of attention. Or even show hostility and arrogance.

The bottom line is that the owner of the sound vector has little interest in everyday topics. His mind is focused on the disclosure of global abstract issues: “What is the meaning of life?”, “Who am I and what is my purpose?”, "Where did we come from and where are we going?". In the course of his eternal search, these questions are modified and take on a particular form, which is manifested, for example, in the study of the exact sciences, inventive research, writing, philosophical or religious research. In the modern world, the main interests of sound engineers are Internet technologies and psychology.

Such a person needs concentration and silence. Therefore, he seems aloof, indifferent and silent. An endless stream of thoughts in search of the meaning of being removes him from petty daily conversations. His dislike for noise, loud voices is associated with especially sensitive hearing. Remember: he sometimes needs to be alone with his ideas.

The rules for communicating with people of this type provide for the restriction of conversations "about nothing." Get to the heart of the issue that needs to be resolved without being distracted by empty talk.

Touchy but fair people

Often we come across such people: they say and do everything slowly, thoroughly, efficiently, even pedantically, they are very erudite. They love to talk about the past. "Where is the world going? Here in our time ... " Also frequent topics of conversation are family, home, making something with your own hands, justice. In general, they give the impression of honest, decent, open people, maybe a little rustic, but endearing. All these are qualities characteristic of .

Difficulties in communication

Owners of the anal vector are stubborn debaters, straightforward, ready to cut the truth-womb, not caring about the opponent's feelings. Some may harass with lectures or criticism. And if they are offended, they are unlikely to forget about it: they will not fail to remind on occasion or even take revenge.

The owners of this vector gravitate towards justice and equality - everything should be smooth for them. And in a relationship like this: for the good - they will repay, the bad - they will not let go. If they treat someone unfairly, they will feel guilty. When they were not treated as they should be, they feel.

If such a person is offended by you, confess, apologize - he will forgive, because in this case his inner balance will be restored. During a conversation, you should not rush him and interrupt him - it's useless, otherwise he will start again. Want to please him - ask his advice, a competent opinion.

The ability to understand a person with an anal vector should not be superficial. It is also necessary to distinguish his state - this can change everything. Who is in front of you: the best husband and father or a potential sadist? All the subtleties of the anal vector can be learned at the free online training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan.

Secretive people

There must be a lot of people in your environment and a different warehouse: they speak briefly, succinctly, they don’t like to be frank about themselves at all - they prefer to find out information from you. One way or another, the subject of their conversations is profit, benefit, their ambitions. For them, time is money. They can be very resourceful and adapt to changing conditions. These are representatives.

Difficulties in communication

If the owner of the skin vector is developed psychologically and is not in a stressful state, then he is organized, collected, and gives the impression of a real manager. Otherwise, not having sufficient self-discipline, but not having lost the desire to limit others, he can pour out inadequate prohibitions: “No! It is impossible! ”, And encountering resistance, even scandal. He is no longer distinguished by composure and accuracy, but by flickering. The natural desire to save and optimize when the properties of the vector are underdeveloped or not realized is manifested in greed and pettiness, the pursuit of discounts and freebies.

If you were a victim of someone's deception or fraud, then the offender, most likely, was a representative of the skin vector in poor conditions. However, these same people are potentially born lawmakers, servants of order.

When communicating with the owners of this vector, you should not go into details: they value their time. Career, financial well-being, a healthy lifestyle, sports, technical innovations, and so on are suitable topics for conversation. Learning to understand people of this type will not be such a difficult task if you systematically know what drives them.

Communication on a new level

The reason why we suffer when dealing with people is a misunderstanding of their nature. The behavior of others will cease to be an annoying mystery, one has only to understand their mental properties, aspirations and problems.

Understanding the psyche, you will begin to experience more sympathy for others. And hostility towards others will cease to poison your life. Communication with people will be a joy. You will no longer be negatively affected by the manifestations of the interlocutor:

excessive emotionality and mood swings,

indifference and alienation

arrogance,

touchiness,

stubbornness

pretend,

inadequate demands and others.

It seems amazing that you can find an approach to people with any character? Yury Burlan's training confirms this:

Learn more about the properties and characteristics of people's behavior on.

Proofreader: Natalia Konovalova

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

When we get older, we begin to make new friends, communicate with the opposite sex. It happens that we considered a person to be kind, honest, sympathetic, but in fact he turned out to be the complete opposite. So that such situations are not unexpected, and such people do not meet on your way, you need to be able to understand people. Someone at a glance at a person can tell what he needs from you, what his intentions are towards you. And some find it difficult to do so. But you can learn, the main thing is desire.

A few simple tips on how to acquire the ability to understand people.

In order to learn to understand other people, you first need to learn to understand yourself.

Look at yourself from the outside in any situation, evaluate your actions. Also read literature, watch online lectures on self-development. If you can understand yourself, you can understand others.

Don't stop with theory, practice.

If you have read the literature on self-development, go out into the street and try to understand every passer-by.

Try to develop your intuition.

The so-called sixth sense sometimes helps us. It conveys to us what our mind has not yet had time to perceive. At the first meeting with one person, we feel warmth, calmness, and when we meet with someone else, we are overcome by a feeling of fear and anxiety. It is necessary to attach importance to such feelings, because they do not arise just like that. Over time, perhaps you will realize that the sixth sense did not deceive you.

Watch how the person acts in different situations.

Everyone knows the saying “a friend in need is a friend”. These are not just words, they have a deep meaning. In everyday life, many put on masks, trying to fit the society in which they are. To see the real face of a person, it is enough to watch him in an extreme situation. There, a person does not have time to put on a mask, he is who he is. The more difficult the situation in which a person finds himself, the better he will show his essence, his face.

Learn sign language.

This is a great way to easily understand a person. Pay attention to even the smallest details, movements. Often, such movements will be involuntary. Talk to the person, but don't forget to watch him. Not only listen to what the person says, but also notice how they do it.

Learning to understand people is difficult, but possible. Before you try to understand someone else, understand yourself.