Each of us should strive for self-improvement and work on ourselves all the time to become better. Some will ask why this is necessary, because it is so good? The answer is simple: no one is immune from falls and losses. At some point in life, any of us can be at the very bottom. What to do if we do not know how to improve ourselves, our inner qualities, our attitude to life? Personal growth is very important for being. If a person realizes that he is not developing, this may well oppress him, because an aimless empty existence does not bring joy to anyone. If you are thinking about how you can change yourself, take note of our advice.
There is no limit to perfection
So what is the meaning of life? Is it about improving your character and striving for new heights every day? Or maybe in order to find the meaning of existence, to teach this to other people. Both answers are correct.
Having embarked on the thorny path of self-improvement, it is necessary to clearly understand that there is no limit to this process and cannot be. It is like the mathematical concept of "infinity", where all quantities tend to it, but cannot reach it in any way. Paradoxically, the more a person works on himself, the more he develops, the more he learns, the more often he is visited by thoughts about how little he still managed to do and how little he managed to learn.
Whenever we do something well, we are glad that we can do it even better. The feeling that there is no limit to human perfection gives strength for new achievements.
To change yourself, it is enough to analyze the actions of people who have managed to reach great heights in terms of self-improvement. Learn from successful people. Below we provide some useful tips that can help you develop. Some of these recommendations are very simple and will help change something in the near future. And some steps are responsible and long-term, and in order to rise one step higher, you need to make a conscious effort.
Reading books
The beginning of development and self-improvement is laid with reading literature. Read every day, because the book is a source of knowledge and a storehouse of wisdom. Remember that the more books you read in your life, the more wisdom you have absorbed. Some books can be especially useful, because in them you can find practical tips to achieve your desired goal.
Learn foreign languages
It doesn't matter which language you choose to learn. It can be Japanese, Mongolian or some of the Chinese dialects. While learning a new language, you come across a different culture and can understand more about the life of the people. Through such an acquaintance, you will be able to gain a new useful experience for yourself.
new hobby
Do not stand still and do not dwell on the habits and hobbies that you acquired in childhood. Choose for yourself some interesting course that will introduce you to new skills. A new hobby is a great incentive for self-improvement. You can also take up a new sport. This does not mean at all that morning runs will have to be sacrificed. Let 1 or 2 times a week from now on you begin to devote rock climbing. And having already mastered climbing skills to perfection, you can switch to another no less interesting sport, such as ice skating.
New hobbies do not have to be chosen from the category of needlework. Take a closer look at completely unusual courses, master web design, take an Italian cooking course or become a regular at the dance hall, conquering everyone with incendiary steps in the Latino rhythm. But you never know versatile and exciting activities that help to reveal their talents and learn something new.
In the process of training, you will notice how you will be enriched emotionally, become smarter and stronger physically. Do not think that several courses at once will prevent you from focusing on learning new skills. Attend seminars and lectures occasionally. The more often you go out and learn something new, the more organized you will be.
Create the right interior for you
To change your life means to change your environment. Where will you draw inspiration to achieve your goals, if not in a beautiful, favorable atmosphere? If you like the interior where you spend the lion's share of your time - inspiration will be born daily. Understand one simple thing: oppressive walls and everyday life will not be able to give you strength, they will only pull you back. If you don't want to go into your room, being becomes survival.
As soon as you surround yourself with cute things and get rid of junk, repaint the walls in beautiful colors and replace a few pieces of furniture, everything will change. Forces for work will take themselves. But if you want to achieve stunning results on the path of self-discovery, make a good stylish design, the existence of which will become like a fairy tale. The more you admire the work done, the more you will respect yourself.
Fear and uncertainty are the main obstacles
Every person is capable of experiencing fear. And the dangerous situation is nothing compared to the fear of moving, new beginnings and uncertainty. Someone is afraid to appear in public, and someone is simply not sure of himself. Any fear prevents a person from developing. How to get around the fear that stands in the way of self-improvement?
Imagine that you will never achieve the desired result and will not be able to take a single step forward. Knowing that you will remain standing still will help you look the unknown in the eye. Fear for a person can be compared to a compass. Where the arrow points is where you need to go. If there is something in life that you fear, eliminate those feelings.
Don't stop improving your skills
If there is something in life that comes easy to you, constantly develop skills. Don't let your fingers forget how to beat the hardest level in a video game, keep writing articles if you've been blogging for a long time, perform more in front of the public if you've performed before. Think there is something you have always done well? If so, hone your skills.
Listen to the biological clock
Learn to get up early, because in the morning a person is most active. Before lunch, you will have time to redo as many things as you sometimes do not do in a whole day, waking up late. If you get up at 5 or 6 in the morning (along with the sun), then this will only benefit you. Know that as soon as you wake up in the early morning, your thinking will start all active processes.
Be sure to exercise your body. Weekly workouts can do wonders. Let you spend just 30 minutes jogging every third day of the month. In summer, you can alternate between jogging and cycling or swimming. The blood will circulate more powerfully, which will make it possible to saturate your brain. 
Do not be afraid of psychological experiments
Sit down and write a letter of your personality, such as you see in, say, 5 years. Compare the real you and that person who so far exists only on paper. Do you find any differences? Now do the same, only refer to yourself a year apart. How do you see yourself after this time?
Seal the letter and put the envelope in a safe place. Mark the date on the desktop calendar from which the countdown will begin. Now you have the hardest part. Every day you will work so that in a year you will really turn into the person described in the envelope.
Conclusion
If for some period of time you feel a constant state of comfort, then your self-improvement process has stalled. We grow only when we overcome difficulties. Remember your achievements and write them down in a separate notebook. Perhaps you will find much more than 42 ways to help change your life for the better.
Perhaps one of the most common and dangerous human misconceptions about a person is the belief that one cannot change oneself, one's personality. This belief rests on the conviction that there are qualities, abilities, tastes, habits and shortcomings assigned to us that are the essence of our personality and cannot be changed. Often heard “Well, I’m such a person (lazy, without certain abilities, necessary qualities, etc.) I can’t do it differently and there’s nothing to be done about it”. Many people think so and carry this belief all their lives.
So is it possible to change your personality? If yes, then how can you change yourself?
Can you change yourself?
Or, indeed, a person is something imperishable and unchanging, and all the metamorphoses that can occur in it are, so to speak, cosmetic and do not concern its essence. I am sure that you can change yourself and for the better: get rid of personal shortcomings, acquire and develop certain qualities, change your character ...
Everyone can, if he wants, be transformed beyond recognition: overcome "natural" cowardice and shyness, becoming a strong character and confident, moderate the tendency to anxiety and worries, gaining strong nerves and equanimity. Yesterday's timid and downtrodden young man can become a sociable and young man, simply by making some effort.
And it would be a mistake to believe that this young man has shyness and isolation in his blood and that he is "by nature" clamped and not adapted to communication. This mistake, this delusion is not harmless, from a practical point of view, in nature, such as the delusion that Singapore is the capital of Africa (of course, provided that you do not pass the final exams in geography at the institute, and if you fail, you will not waiting for a lot of unforgettable experiences in the vast expanses of our country as part of an army unit).
This false belief is much more dangerous than a harmless geographic one, because, believing that you cannot change yourself, you give up, you are afraid to make efforts to work on yourself and you live with your shortcomings that prevent you from living and poison the lives of those around you. of people.
Why am I so sure that can you change yourself?
Firstly, the human species is naturally equipped with a strong adaptive potential, the ability to change, adjusting to the conditions of the surrounding reality. This makes a person flexible and makes it possible to change either under external influence or by controlling the conscious efforts of the will from within, commensurating this effort with the internal need to change the personality. (in the context of this resource, we are interested in the latter, namely the conscious control of how we will change and whether we will change at all. We ourselves want to decide what we become? Right?)
Secondly, there are many examples of how people have changed either for the worse or for the better. One such example is myself, the author of these lines. I managed to overcome internal resistance and become more self-confident, disciplined, organized and sociable.
This has manifested itself in an improvement in the quality of my life and the realization of significant life achievements. But before, I also considered laziness, a tendency to worries and depression, cowardice, shyness, inability to control oneself and control one’s feelings, to be inherently my enduring qualities and did not believe in the possibility of changing them.
It seemed to me that I am who I am and will remain so. Reality showed that I was wrong: I coped with depression and anxiety and panic attacks without any pills or treatment, my mathematical abilities improved (I used to think that I didn’t have them at all) even my musical tastes changed (not just changed, but greatly expanded) and much more, this list can be continued for a very long time.
The value of fighting yourself
So I will insist that the reader of these lines, instead of destroying himself by believing in the immutability of his personality, still takes and tries to work on himself and change. Even if he fails to become what he wants, his efforts will still be rewarded. Since the struggle and attempts to cope with the internal resistance that is sure to arise along the way, if you want to change yourself, always pays off!
Acting in spite of resistance, against your weaknesses and ingrained habits, you train your will and temper your character. The degree of control over your feelings increases and a sober understanding of what is happening inside you and what guides you comes!
And exactly the opposite. An individual who is used to seeing himself as a collection of unchanging characteristics, habits, shortcomings and pathologies always follows his character and weaknesses. It remains as it is.
His will is not tempered in the fight against feelings, he is controlled by his Ego, fears and complexes. Every day he capitulates to them: his will weakens, and the true essence begins to fade behind the abundance of shortcomings and habits.
Internal struggle and resistance and their value is the core of my system of self-development and self-improvement. The value of these things is not only of an instrumental nature (that is, not necessarily only a means to achieve a certain goal: the fight against complexes in order to defeat them), but they also carry great value in themselves. I will write more about this more than once.
Can personality change?
You must understand that your true identity is not a multitude of habits, fruits of upbringing and childhood traumas. All this is just tinsel and habits of the mind and senses!. This is acquisitive, i.e. appeared as you become and will also disappear as soon as you want to: after all, all this is not written in your genes. Personality is a dynamic, constantly changing concept, and not something predetermined forever!
Well, of course, there are some natural limitations, innate inclinations, etc. Something that you will not affect in any way, and I understand this very well. At the same time, I see a general need to exaggerate the number of those personality factors that supposedly cannot be influenced.
What is simply an acquired flaw, manifested as a result of laziness and unwillingness to do something, is mistakenly perceived by many as a natural and once and for all determined property of a person! Perhaps this is just a psychological ploy designed to write off responsibility for one's character from a person.
This is the same blatant delusion as "congenital illiteracy"! (Well, think about how it can be innate? We are all born without knowing the language, our first words are the simplest syllables “MAMA”, “PAPA”) In fact, many properties of our being, which we fundamentally cannot influence due to natural, There are far fewer natural restrictions than we are all used to thinking.
And you yourself will be convinced of this when, as a result of your self-development, you experience many positive personal metamorphoses that will affect those of your qualities that you previously considered rooted in you forever.
My experience of personal metamorphoses
I myself managed to overcome many internal negative character traits that have bothered me since childhood and would continue to bother me and spoil my life (and I was a very weak and sickly child, and then a young man and had many shortcomings (and now I have them, but much less). It is a pity that I did not pay attention to them even then and did not start working on myself, having secured the confidence that I was able to cope with it.
And the practice only confirmed my confidence, giving me a valuable result both in terms of developing my inner potential, and in the context of improving the factors of external comfort and order (relationships with people, financial situation, life achievements, etc.), as a reflection of personality changes.
Usually those who say “I am such a person and will remain such” have never tried to do something with themselves and change for the better. Then how do they know that nothing can be done?
How to change yourself? This is a big question and almost all the materials of this site will be devoted to this. After all, self-development and self-improvement imply changes in oneself, and this is always the case. Therefore, this article is simply an attempt to break down a well-established misconception and call for action and may give hope to someone that you can change yourself. And you can find specific recommendations now and later as they are published on the pages of this site - the topic is very extensive.
Is it unnatural to change for the better?
Once I ran into such an objection. “They say, yes, you can change yourself, but why do it? Isn't this unnatural? You are who you are, why show violence against a person?
I asked counter questions: “Well, what do you think shaped your personality, what factors influenced its formation? Why are you the way you are now? It must be due to upbringing, parents, social circle and some innate parameters (heredity, natural predispositions, etc.).
Basically, all these factors are random, those that you could not influence. After all, parents are not chosen and the social circle is also not always. Not to mention heredity and genes. So it turns out that the development of you as a person under the influence of external, arbitrary factors that do not depend much on your will, you consider natural.
And attempts to consciously influence your character and habits, based on an understanding of who you want to become and the formation of what qualities in you meets your goals - does this mean it is unnatural? To follow the lead of external circumstances, attributing everything to the mercy of chance ...
What is so right and natural in this? And why is conscious work on oneself, changing oneself for the better in order to achieve happiness and harmony, is this perceived as violence against oneself?
On the contrary, by determining the vector of self-development on your own, you bring the order into your life that you yourself desire and do not allow external circumstances to completely decide what you will be like. This brings you closer to the implementation of your life plan, to satisfaction with yourself, your life and your environment, which you yourself choose, and not content with what external circumstances have imposed on you.
As for the question “why change yourself?”. I answer it, perhaps, in most of my articles in an explicit and implicit form. I will answer again. Self-development is a dynamic process of continuous improvement of all the best human qualities.
The best and worst qualities of a person
By the best qualities, I mean those qualities of nature that correspond to considerations of personal comfort and happiness, harmonious relationships with people, success in life, overcoming difficulties, inner peace, order of thought, health, willpower and spiritual freedom.
Bad qualities are those that make us suffer, get angry, torn in internal contradictions, make our lives difficult and poison the lives of others, make us sickly, dependent on passions and desires, morally and physically weak.
Developing good qualities and freeing yourself from bad qualities, you strive for happiness and freedom, doing the opposite, you fly into the abyss of suffering and dependence. Self-development implies the first. When you develop the best properties of your nature, you change, as new abilities appear in you and old shortcomings disappear. This is the meaning of self-development in these positive personal metamorphoses.
That, in fact, is all, no tricky philosophy or relative morality, everything rests on your personal happiness and harmony, and not on some abstract ideas. This is what I want you to strive for and what this site is all about.
I have already said what a terrible mistake it is to believe in the impossibility of changing oneself. But even more dangerous thing is the lack of need to change something in yourself. Many believe that they are already the crowns of creation, the most worthy representatives of the human species, and they have seen all sorts of sites of self-development in the coffin.
It really happens that a person is really very developed, but most often he falls into the trap of his pride and pride, believing that he has nowhere to develop, because almost always there is an opportunity to move somewhere and improve something.
And besides, very often education and upbringing are not able to fully develop personal potential (and can even harm somewhere), leaving behind a lot of gaping gaps, undisclosed abilities, hidden anxieties and complexes within the structure of individuality.
Therefore, in almost all cases, it is necessary to make efforts in order to make something out of yourself: after all, few people are so lucky that their educators and parents were able to give the leap necessary for harmonious development and solve all the internal problems and contradictions that arise.
If you're wondering can you change yourself?, then you recognize the presence of such properties in yourself that need to be changed and do not consider yourself an ideal and a dead end of development and everything is not so scary, you are taking the first steps towards self-development, standing on the threshold of wonderful metamorphoses.
It remains only armed with the support that I will provide you with my advice and recommendations for self-improvement, with a song to move on this difficult but bright path.
Here's the deal: I've been at zero a few times, come back to life a few times, I've done it over and over again. I started new careers. The people who knew me then don't know me now. And so on.
I started my career from scratch several times. Sometimes - because my interests changed. Sometimes - because all the bridges were burned without a trace, and sometimes because I desperately needed money. And sometimes it was because I hated everyone at my previous job or they hated me.
There are other ways to reinvent yourself, so take my words with a grain of salt. This is what worked in my case. I've seen it work for about a hundred other people. From interviews, from letters that have been written to me over the past 20 years. You can try - or not.
1. Change never ends
Every day you rediscover yourself. You are always on the move. But every day you decide where exactly you are moving: forward or backward.
2. Start with a clean slate
All your past labels are just vanity. Have you been a doctor? An Ivy League graduate? Owned millions? Did you have a family? Nobody cares. You have lost everything. You are zero. Don't try to say that you are more than that.
3. You need a mentor
Otherwise, you will go under. Someone has to show you how to move and breathe. But don't worry about looking for a mentor (see below).
4. Three types of mentors
Straight. Someone who is ahead of you, who will show you how he got it. What does "this" mean? Wait. By the way, the mentors don't look like Jackie Chan's character in The Karate Kid. Most mentors will hate you.
Indirect. Books. Movies. You can get 90% of the instructions from books and other materials. 200-500 books equate to a good mentor. When people ask me, “What is a good book to read?” - I do not know what to answer them. There are 200-500 good books worth reading. I would turn to inspirational books. Whatever you believe in, strengthen your beliefs with daily reading.
Anything can be a mentor. If you are nobody and want to re-create yourself, everything you look at can become a metaphor for your desires and goals. The tree you see, with its roots out of sight and the groundwater that feeds it, is a metaphor for programming if you tie the dots together. And everything you look at will "connect the dots".
5. Don't Worry If Nothing Excites You
You care about your health. Start with it. Take small steps. You don't need passion to succeed. Do your job with love, and success will become a natural symptom.
6. Time it takes to reinvent yourself: five years
Here is a description of those five years.
Year 1: You wallow and read everything and just start doing something.
Year 2: You know who you need to talk to and keep working with. You do something every day. You finally understand what the map of your own game of Monopoly looks like.
Third year: You are good enough to start making money. But so far, perhaps not enough to earn a living.
Fourth year: You provide for yourself well.
Year 5: You make a fortune.
Sometimes I got frustrated in the first four years. I asked myself, "Why hasn't this happened yet?" - He beat his fist on the wall and broke his arm. It's okay, just keep going. Or stop and choose a new field of activity. It doesn't matter. Someday you will die, and then it will be really difficult to change.
7. If you do it too fast or too slow, then something is wrong.
A good example is Google.
8. It's not about the money
But money is a good measure. When people say, "It's not about the money," they need to be sure they have some other unit of measure. "How about just doing what you love?" There will be many days ahead when you don't like what you do. If you are doing it out of pure love, it will take much more than five years. Happiness is just a positive reaction from your brain. Some days you will be unhappy. Your brain is just a tool, it does not define who you are.
9. When can you say, "I'm doing X"? When does X become your new profession?
10. When can I start doing X?
Today. If you want to paint, buy a canvas and paints today, start buying 500 books one by one and paint pictures. If you want to write, do the following three things:
Read
If you want to start your own business, start coming up with an idea for a business. Rebuilding yourself starts today. Every day.
11. When will I earn money?
In a year, you will put 5,000-7,000 hours into this business. That's good enough to put you in the top 200-300 in the world in any major. Getting into the top 200 almost always provides a livelihood. By the third year, you will understand how to make money. By the fourth - you will be able to increase turnover and provide for yourself. Some stop there.
12. By the fifth year, you will be in the top 30-50, so you can make a fortune.
13. How to determine what is mine?
Any area in which you are able to read 500 books. Go to the bookstore and find her. If you get bored after three months, go back to the bookstore. Getting rid of illusions is normal, this is the meaning of defeat. Success is better than failure, but the most important lessons come from failure. Very important: do not rush. During your interesting life, you can change yourself many times. And fail many times. It's fun too. These attempts will turn your life into a story book, not a textbook. Some people want their life to be a textbook. Mine is a story book, good or bad. Therefore, changes occur every day.
14. The decisions you make today will be in your biography tomorrow.
Make interesting decisions and you will have an interesting biography.
15. The decisions you make today will become part of your biology.
16. What if I like something exotic? Biblical archeology or 11th century wars?
Repeat the above steps and by the fifth year you will be rich. We don't know how. There is no need to look for the end of the path when you are only taking the first steps.
17. What if my family wants me to become an accountant?
How many years of your life did you promise to give to your family? Ten? All life? Then wait for the next life. You choose.
Choose freedom, not family. Freedom, not prejudice. Freedom, not government. Freedom, not the satisfaction of other people's requests. Then you will satisfy yours.
18. My mentor wants me to follow his path.
This is fine. Learn his way. Then do it your way. Sincerely.
Luckily no one puts a gun to your head. Then you would have to comply with his demands until he lowers the gun.
19. My husband (wife) is worried: who will take care of our children?
A person who changes himself always finds free time. Part of changing yourself is finding moments and reshaping them the way you would like to use them.
20. What if my friends think I'm crazy?
What are these friends?
21. What if I want to be an astronaut?
It's not about changing yourself. This is a specific profession. If you like space, there are many professions. Richard Branson wanted to be an astronaut and created Virgin Galactic.
22. What if I enjoy drinking and hanging out with friends?
Read this post again in a year.
23. And if I'm busy? Am I cheating on my spouse or betraying my partner?
Read this post again in two or three years, when you are broke, out of work, and everyone will turn their backs on you.
24. What if I can't do anything at all?
Read point 2 again.
25. What if I don't have a diploma or it's useless?
Read point 2 again.
26. What if I need to focus on paying off a mortgage or other loan?
Read point 19 again.
27. Why do I always feel like an outsider?
Albert Einstein was an outsider. No one in authority would have hired him. Everyone feels like an impostor sometimes. The greatest creativity is born out of skepticism.
28. I can't read 500 books. Name one book to read for inspiration
Then you can immediately give up.
29. What if I'm too sick to change myself?
The change will boost the production of beneficial substances in your body: serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin. Move forward, and you may not get well at all, but you will get healthier. Don't use health as an excuse.
Finally, rebuild your health first. Sleep more. Eat better. Go in for sports. These are the key steps to change.
30. What if my partner set me up and I'm still suing him?
Drop the lawsuit and never think about him again. Half the problem was you.
31. And if they put me in jail?
Wonderful. Re-read point 2. Read more books in prison.
32. And if I'm a timid person?
Make weakness your strength. Introverts are better at listening and concentrating, they know how to arouse sympathy.
33. What if I can't wait five years?
If you plan to stay alive in five years, you can start today.
34. How to make contacts?
Build concentric circles. You must be in the middle. The next circle is friends and family. Then there are online communities. Then - people whom you know from informal meetings and tea parties. Then - conference participants and opinion leaders in their field. Then there are mentors. Then - customers and those who make money. Start making your way through these circles.
35. What if my ego gets in the way of what I do?
After six months or a year, you will return to point 2.
36. What if I am passionate about two things at once? And I can't choose?
Combine them and you will be the best in the world for this combination.
37. What if I'm so passionate that I want to teach others what I'm learning myself?
Read lectures on YouTube. Start with a one-person audience and see if it grows.
38. What if I want to earn money in my sleep?
In the fourth year, start outsourcing what you do.
39. How to find mentors and experts?
Once you have accumulated enough knowledge (after 100-200 books), write 10 ideas for 20 different potential mentors.
None of them will answer you. Write 10 more ideas for 20 new mentors. Repeat this every week.
40. What if I can't come up with ideas?
Then practice it. The mental muscles tend to atrophy. They need to be trained.
It will be difficult for me to reach my toes if I don't exercise every day. I have to do this exercise every day for some time before this posture comes easily to me. Don't expect good ideas from day one.
42. What if I do everything you say, but it still doesn't seem to work?
It will turn out. Just wait. Keep changing yourself every day.
Don't try to find the end of the path. You can't see it in the fog. But you can see the next step, and you will understand that if you take it, you will eventually reach the end of the path.
43. What if I start feeling down?
Sit in silence for an hour a day. You need to get back to your core.
If you think this sounds stupid, don't do it. Move on with your depression.
44. And if there is no time to sit in silence?
Then sit in silence for two hours a day. This is not meditation. You just have to sit.
45. And if I get scared?
Sleep 8-9 hours a night and never gossip. Sleep is the first secret to good health. Not the only one, but the first. Some people write to me that four hours of sleep is enough for them, or that in their country those who sleep a lot are considered lazy. These people will fail and die young.
When it comes to gossip, our brains are biologically programmed to have 150 friends. And when you hang out with one of your friends, you can gossip about one of the other 150. And if you don't have 150 friends, then the brain will want to read gossip magazines until it looks like it has 150 friends.
Don't be as stupid as your brain.
46. And if everything seems to me that I will never succeed?
Practice gratitude for 10 minutes a day. Don't suppress your fear. Notice your anger.
But also allow yourself to be grateful for what you have. Anger never inspires, but gratitude never inspires. Gratitude is the bridge between your world and the parallel universe where all creative ideas live.
47. And if I constantly have to deal with some kind of personal squabbles?
Find other people to be around.
A person who changes himself will constantly meet people who try to suppress him. The brain is afraid of change - it can be unsafe. Biologically, the brain wants you to be safe, and change is a risk. So your brain will give you people trying to stop you.
Learn to say no.
48. What if I'm happy at my office job?
49. Why should I trust you? You've failed so many times
Don't trust me.
50. Will you be my mentor?
You have already read this post.
You can read the original article.
Each person does as he sees fit. We have our inner beliefs, which we express through actions. We manifest them outwardly, because we cannot do otherwise. What leads to poverty, overweight, frustration, loss of friends, hides deep inside a person.
Remember how many promises you made to yourself throughout your life. They said, for example, that you would not be rude, raise your voice at people, smoke, drink, eat fatty foods after six in the evening. But already at eleven at night, you are sitting in the kitchen and eating cake, despite your promise.
Due to the fact that we have no idea how to change internally, we often begin to make mistakes and complicate the situation. We get angry at ourselves for our lack of willpower and constantly blame ourselves for mistakes and failures. Stop blaming yourself and say, "Now I am free. I have a goal to become a self-sufficient person, succeeding in everything that I want. I deserve to be happy and accept it as a gift."
Many of us think that they are absolutely helpless in this life and lose interest in everything, seeing around them only loneliness and hopelessness. Such hopelessness arises from many disappointments, pain and resentment, leading to an unwillingness to live a full life. Stop! Ask yourself what is the reason for such disappointment, what makes you so angry. The more anger you pour into this world, the more angry you become. Think about it, you were angry, perhaps even at the moment of reading the previous paragraph. You must understand how to change for the better. And we will help you.
The beginning of change
Decide for yourself that you want to turn your life in a different direction. Do not doubt, each person has enough strength in himself to understand for himself how to change both externally and internally. It is necessary to change your worldview, train of thought, overcome stubbornness, and then changes will come.
Exercises
You do not yet know how you can change, but you already have this desire inside you. Tell yourself that you want to get better, and more than once, repeat it at every opportunity. Believe in change and it will definitely happen. What you think is impossible to change in you, you need to change first. By repeating the phrase: "I want to become different," you turn on the Power of the Universe to help you.
Take a look in the mirror when you say to yourself "I want to be different", listen to your feelings. If you feel contradictions, do not despair and do not blame yourself, because it is very difficult to change quickly. Try to figure out exactly what thought makes you doubt. Dissolve it. Then, go back to the mirror and say something nice about yourself. This kind of eye contact with yourself should definitely help.
How much to change and start a new life? Change your beliefs, your thoughts. If a negative thought persists, catch yourself in it and drive it away once and for all. It is possible, we can control every thought.
Principles of working on yourself:
- Mind control.
- The desire to change yourself.
- Forgiveness of all offenses.
After deciding to start a change, you need to learn how to control your mind. You can use it as you wish, it is your tool, subject to your desire. And not vice versa. Think about it. To find harmony, control the thoughts, words that you pronounce, since they have incredible power and create all the situations in your life. But, in fact, you are the master of your mind.
Leave the past in the past
I have been working as a psychologist for many years and have heard from my patients more than once that the sad past prevents them from being happy in the present, where they were offended, injured, wounded in the heart. Now they have lost all the values and meaning of life, they cannot forget the events from the past, they cannot love, they cannot forgive. And if they forgot and forgave, their life would again show its charms.
Treat all events from the past as memories without emotional evaluation. Forgive everyone who has ever harmed you and you will find the answers you need. The most important thing is love. Only true love can change us radically. Love for others, love for the world. But without forgiveness, she doesn't come.
An exercise to deal with resentment
Being in silence, imagine in front of you a small stage of a semi-dark theater, on which stands the person who offended you. Whether he is alive or not, you need to conquer your hatred. Mentally imagine that good things happen to him, he is really happy. Remember his image like this. Then take the stage yourself. You smile too, because there is enough goodness in the world for everyone. This simple exercise will dissolve your resentment if you learn how to do it correctly. Work on yourself, get to know yourself as deeply as possible, and the world will change with you for the better, giving you the opportunity to find true happiness.
Experts in the field of psychology say that any person can change for the better, you just need to decide where to start and how to act in order to achieve significant results and become kinder, calmer, get rid of laziness and hatred of others and feel peace of mind and harmony with the outer and inner world. A person’s actions and events in his life are a reflection of his thoughts, so if you think in a negative way all the time and accumulate anger and resentment inside yourself, then all sorts of troubles and misfortunes will occur. You don’t have to blame yourself for the mistakes you made and for not signing up for a gym or throwing out all the negativity on your girlfriend. You should thank and smile at your reflection in the mirror, starting every day with affirmations and visualizing your desires.
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How to change your character traits?
To change yourself for the better, you should completely change your way of life and thinking. Before embarking on self-improvement and re-educating yourself, you need to decide which character traits do not suit your beloved woman in a man.
It is best to take an album sheet and draw two columns, writing negative qualities in one and positive qualities that you would like to have in the other. If a person cannot clearly define his shortcomings, then you should seek help from your relatives and friends who will talk about those qualities that do not suit them in a person.
| Advice | Execution |
| Self love | You should not look for flaws in your appearance and physique, you need to focus on your own merits, because there are many more of them. If a man is not satisfied with his appearance, then you need:
|
| Elimination of bad habits and addictions | You should start exercising daily. You need to make a list of your bad habits and get rid of them one by one. If a guy smokes, then he will not want to smoke another cigarette after a shock cardio workout. You can get rid of the habit of being late all the time with the help of a simple trick: you need to set all the clocks in the house 20 minutes ahead and come to the meeting earlier than the appointed time |
| Reading literature and watching motivational films | You need to read literature on human psychology, watch only positive and motivating films. For example: "The Man Who Changed Everything", "Ghostly Beauty", "Never Give Up", "In Pursuit of Happiness" and others. Robin Sharma's book "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" completely changes the worldview and attitude to life |
| Getting up early and going to bed | Wake up before sunrise and go to bed no later than 23:00. At first, this may seem like a very difficult task, but over time, the body will adjust to such a daily routine. |
| Keeping a diary and a clear daily routine | Every day you need to write down the good deeds that a man did today and praise himself for it, mark his thoughts and events that happened. A daily routine will help develop self-discipline and solve problems with a constant lack of time. |
| Life consists of little things, so you should learn to see only the good in everything and appreciate what the guy has at the moment | |
| Goal setting | Set short-term (week, month) goals and long-term (year, 5 years, 10 years). All your aspirations should be written in a notebook and make a plan to achieve them. When the goal is achieved, it is imperative to reward yourself for good work by buying new watches, household appliances, or in some other way. Examples of short-term goals: arrange a romantic dinner for your girlfriend, read a book on psychology, fix all the taps in the house, and others. |
| Getting out of the comfort zone | Every day, do what you don’t want to do most of all, overcome your own fears and fears. If a guy hates taking out the trash, do not shift responsibilities to the rest of the household, but step over his reluctance and do it on his own. For a person who is afraid of public speaking, arrange a presentation in front of a large audience |
| Healthy food and walking | Proper nutrition and daily walks in the fresh air will help maintain good spirits and contribute to a surge of vitality. |
| Acquisition of new knowledge, skills and abilities and improvement of old ones | Learn a foreign language, learn how to play a musical instrument, take acting classes, try yourself as a designer, etc. |
You need to be attentive and tolerant to others, not to criticize people for their shortcomings, keep promises and keep your word at all costs.
Exercises for self-development
Effective exercises for self-development:
| Name | Description |
|---|---|
| purple bracelet | This technique is aimed at changing thinking. When a person thinks in a positive way, he will begin to change for the better. You need to put on a purple elastic band (you can choose any color) or a bracelet on your right hand and wear it for 21 days without removing it. If the guy allowed himself to raise his voice, get angry or complain about someone, then the bracelet should be put on his left hand. The countdown starts again. This exercise should be practiced until the bracelet lasts for three weeks on one arm. This method also helps develop self-control. |
| Affirmations and exercises in front of the mirror | You need to go to the mirror and say to yourself: "I am changing and getting better and better every day." Next, you should list the qualities that a man wants to possess. This must be done in an affirmative form: "I am kind", "I am calm", "I can control myself under any circumstances." You need to pronounce phrases confidently and at the same time look into your eyes. You need to train in front of the mirror every day after waking up and before going to bed. The duration of the exercise is 10-15 minutes |
| physical relaxation | You can not accumulate negative energy within yourself. To get rid of inner anger and resentment, you need to close all the doors and windows in the house and scream with all your might until the guy feels that his soul has become much easier and he has freed himself from unnecessary emotions. If it is not possible to scream loudly, then you can take a pillow and beat it with all your might until a pleasant fatigue appears in the body. |
| Self-forgiveness and liberation from the past | You need to imagine that the guy is standing on a small stage in a darkened theater. He is joyful and happy, because his most cherished desire has just come true, because the young man deserves it. You should feel all the emotions and immerse yourself in your visualized picture. There is no need to reproach yourself for wrong actions and shameful actions committed in the past. All the guy's energy should be directed to the present. If a guy cannot forgive any person, then you need to imagine that he is standing on the stage and something good is happening to him. This exercise should be repeated daily for a month. |
| Developing Concentration with the Rose | You need to take a rose or some other flower. If there is no flower, then any object will do. You need to fully concentrate on this flower and for five minutes look and think only about the rose that is in your hands. If other thoughts appear, then you should again return to the flower. This exercise should be done daily. |
It is impossible to correct in a short time, so you need to prepare for a long and painstaking work on yourself.
