We spend most of the day at work. If relationships with colleagues are warm, you can be in a good mood, even if your personal life is not going well. Well, what if at work you feel like in a terrarium with poisonous snakes or like in a jar of spiders? These 8 girls shared their stories of building bridges - successful and not so successful.

Framed out of envy

I went to work, got a job for a long time, passed interviews, the company was very decent. From the first day I tried to treat everyone evenly, to treat everyone well, I sat at my desk, worked quietly. But immediately problems began with the work team. For some reason, my colleagues began to treat me arrogantly, whispering behind my back, setting me up in front of the authorities. One young lady lost a very important report, and told her boss that she supposedly asked me to transfer this report to him, and I “blurred” important documents for the company somewhere. And the whole team confirmed it. The boss did not delve into the situation and cut off half my salary and bonuses for 3 months. I stayed there for six months, and then I could not stand it and left. I guess that the reason is that I was “not like everyone else”: pretty, dressed well, lived in my apartment ... and they ... oh, what can I say! I learned a lesson for myself that if from the first days it doesn’t work out with the work team, you can work out a trial period - a month, and if the relationship does not change further, then you need to look for a new job!

Lena, Nizhny Novgorod

Being bullied over a phone romance

I once worked as a secretary in the office, there were three of us in the office. At that time I had a stormy romance with a guy from Norilsk, he called me several times a day on my work phone (there were no mobile phones then). These two girls, both single, mocked me. They deliberately disconnected the phone, in my presence they told him that I was not there, and so on. They poured mud on me, told the employees what I was talking about with my boyfriend, hinted to the boss that I use my work phone too often for personal purposes, they let gossip gossip throughout the entire department. It was difficult to resist since they were older. But still, I learned. To all the attacks, she began to calmly ironize. I didn’t look for friendship with them, but I managed to create at least some comfort. Stop touching me.

Irina, Moscow

Love and work team are incompatible

I worked in a purely female team for three years, and I had an office romance that grew into marriage. Although my husband and I agreed: “we don’t enter each other’s room during working hours” - it was a newspaper, you still can’t hide sewing in a bag, especially a love blush, even if you are silent. Father, what have I not heard enough. A polite silence and a shrug was my only response.

I will never understand the desire to kick a colleague if she is doing differently (a little better or worse) than you. Three years later, Kolya and I made a decision together “someone should quit.” Love and team are incompatible. Envy can kill any marriage.

Anastasia, Samara

Headmistress pitted subordinates

Once we had a headmistress, so she gave us heat. She is a vampire. When everyone is doing well, she was very bad. She bullied us, especially me. It almost came to hand-to-hand combat. She watched us from the side and rejoiced, she also added fuel to the fire. We stopped saying hello to each other. She set the whole working team on me and me on them. Happiness on her face. But the vampire was not happy for long. Once we sat down for cups of cognac and frayed our relationship, without her. They began to talk in her presence about animals (she does not like them), about flowers (she does not like them), about children (she does not love them), about her husbands (she does not love them), not a word about money (she loves them ), about her sores (she has many of them), about the international situation (she does not understand anything in it, but she gives her assessment). And she was crushed by the "toad". As a result, as soon as the boss fell behind me and the whole team, the relationship became the most sincere and very strong. So it depends on the boss how the work team accepts a new person and how the person himself accepts the team.

Love, St. Petersburg

Didn't trust a foreigner

At first, I was not accepted at all and was not perceived by the team, I think, due to the fact that I am a foreigner. They didn't trust me at all, they suspected me. But I didn't care about them. I knew that this job was a great success for me, and they were just old envious people. In short, I pulled myself together: I answered all the attacks very nicely and with a smile. Did the job perfectly. As a result, I was quickly made the head of the department, and they became my subordinates. Now I gloat, but do not avenge.

Elvira, Moscow

With dad as the boss

I work in a women's team, and my immediate supervisor is my dad. Here you can’t chat at the workplace both live and in social networks: only work!

But I am learning to work very quickly: it is beneficial for dad to invest in me as much knowledge as possible, he even lectures me at home. But I have a problem with the work team, they communicate with me, but do not recognize me. It looks like friendship, but in fact they consider me a hanger-on and dad's protégé without brains.

They often hurt me and ironically say: “Go and ask your daddy,” although they know that I will not let him in on my problems. Yes, and in appearance we have an ideal relationship with our colleagues. This is how I live, but I want my colleagues to be my friends.

Natasha, Krasnodar

Released in a day

In one very large and very well-known company, I worked for only a day, this is my record for short-term work. Everything was quite banal: in this company there were 5 recruitment managers, one girl left for another company, they were looking for a person in her place, they found me.

It should be noted that the working conditions were terrible: a small dark office two by two meters, in which 5 people huddled, people buy everything for work themselves, even there is no tea and coffee, the salary is much lower than the market one. Why did I go to work for this company? It’s just that out of all the offers at that time, there was only this vacancy, and I needed the job very urgently.

So, I worked for a day and, as psychologists advise, I positioned myself as an open, friendly person who is ready to help at any moment, it was not difficult, because I really am such a person.

But the next day, the director of the personnel service said that the team did not like me, and for her at the moment the opinion of the work team was more important. I wasn't offended or even upset.

I found a wonderful job, I'm happy about it so far. And I’ll only say one thing about that company: they have had a vacancy for a recruiting manager for a year already.

Albina, Moscow

Disliked "upstart"

I graduated from the university with honors, I have always been an activist, I received a Presidential scholarship, I lived abroad for my studies.

They invited me to work for 3 years at a state defense enterprise as a young specialist and, in my opinion, they gave me a huge salary. I ended up in a department where mostly women aged 50-55 worked, and their salary was two times less than mine. Only young specialists have large salaries under an agreement with the administration and for 3 years.

This is where it began, my colleagues, physicists. they began to hiss openly that, they say, so-and-so, people have worked here for 30 years, but they don’t have such a salary, and she, they say, immediately after studying and without experience, she was lucky to get into the presidential program, I suppose someone slipped or sleeps with everyone, they constantly complain to the head of the department when they submit a report on the work, as if by chance they forget to mention my results, and then the head calls me, and I have to make excuses that I worked. Once I had to go to a scientific conference, so the aunt who was supposed to buy tickets bought them late, in short, I flew through the conference.

I’ve been working here for half a year and I can’t quit, because the contract, there will be a lot of bureaucracy, and they won’t let me work, I go to work like in a room with snakes. And most importantly - I really like the work.

And at work I have to sit and think all the time, since I am a physicist, and I can’t think about science if my nerves get on my nerves every morning and my mood is spoiled for the whole day. I think that after all, it often depends not only on a new employee, but more on old employees who cannot accept younger and more successful ones.

Anna, Moscow

Have you ever had such conflicts with colleagues?
Vote

Psychological harassment of employees has long had its own term - “mobbing”.

Attacks can be carried out both from superiors and from colleagues.
As a rule, beginners who have just got a job are exposed to mobbing. "Old men", fearing for their workplace, like to find fault with newly-minted colleagues. Experienced workers are also not insured and can become the object of trolling. For example, if the authorities began to treat them too favorably. Envy is one of the main reasons for this behavior. But do not forget that such mobbing can also be part of the “initiation” into the team for a beginner.

The reasons for mobbing are also constant complaints, ignoring corporate events, excessive boasting, defiant behavior, helpfulness to superiors, and so on.

What methods of psychological bullying are most often used?

• A deliberately false accusation of the mistakes of someone who was not involved in them. For example, you and your colleague have been assigned a task. A colleague screwed up, but told the manager that it was your fault, since you are new.
• Non-verbal displays of hostility (disapproving looks).
• Well-deserved humiliation at meetings. The object of bullying, who actively participates in the meeting, colleagues can put in place by the fact that his ideas are stupid, and professionalism- lame in both legs.
• Inventing new rules or tasks on the go, often inconsistent. The boss gives you one task that you do, and then tells you to do the opposite.
• Ignoring quality work. Even if you do the work on time and correctly, your efforts are not noticed.
• Harsh and constant criticism. No matter what you do, you are always branded and told that everything is wrong.
• Incessant rumors or gossip about a person.

• Smile and be kind to your team. A positive attitude is the key to your success.
• Do not talk too much, that is, do not gossip.
• Try not to stand out from the team, but do not lose your face.
• Do not allow yourself to be humiliated, hold yourself with dignity. Do not give in to provocations. Respect must be earned. If you are asked to do something that is not part of your duties (for example, office cleaning, overtime work), then firmly and kindly declare that this is not your work and should be shared with colleagues.
• If there are traditions in the team, then try to observe them if they do not contradict your values.
• If someone attacks you, it makes sense to talk to him individually in a calm manner. Ask him what he is doing with it. Do not react to offensive words, because those who are offended are offended.
• If you have a friendly relationship with your boss, try not to advertise it. Work work, friendship after.
• Do quality work. No one wants to lose valuable employees.

So, let's sum up. It can be said that from psychological no one is protected from attacks. It can be especially difficult for new employees who join an established team. It is very important for beginners to position themselves correctly. Be open and benevolent be ready to help colleagues at any moment. Such people are loved.

The only thing to remember is to respect yourself. Value your time and your colleagues. Do not be offended and do not offend.

A new person in the team is always closely watched and immediately assessed by the level of competence, ability and desire to work, psychological compatibility with other team members. If a new employee does not fit into the psychological climate of a well-established group, management has three ways to solve the problem: take measures to adapt the new employee, transfer to another unit, or fire him.

• The main reasons why a new employee does not fit into the team;
• What actions can be taken to improve the situation;
• Should an unsuitable employee be fired?

The situation when a new person does not fit into the formed team is quite common. Management cannot stand aside in this state of affairs. It is necessary to understand the causes in a timely manner and take measures to eliminate disagreements. If the organization has adopted certain rules of conduct and, then a new person in this environment may not immediately accept the canons of the company's corporate culture, which will immediately incur the dissatisfaction of colleagues.

In other situations, only a settled employee may not immediately adapt to work, get up to speed and get used to his job responsibilities. Whatever the reasons for rejecting a new employee, letting this process take its course, hoping that the problem will resolve itself, is by no means impossible. Such factors have a great impact on the work of the entire team, which ultimately leads to a decrease in productivity, effectiveness, failure to meet project deadlines and other negative consequences.

The main reasons why a new employee does not fit into the team

It is not difficult to determine the very fact that a new employee did not come to the yard. To do this, simply observe the work of the team and evaluate the overall results. The rejection of a new employee is extremely rare, literally in isolated cases, manifests itself in the form of an open protest and conflict. As a rule, the process of rejection is protracted. If long pauses began to arise in a well-functioning team, initially set up for free and open communication, colleagues stopped discussing work issues among themselves, they began to leave too often alone or in pairs, or a heavy silence looms in the presence of a new employee - all these are signs that tension is growing.

There are not so many reasons why the problem of adapting a new team member arises. In most cases, they are due to such situations:

1. The newcomer shows a lot of initiative. Such cases are frequent. Many newcomers have a great desire to show their best side, to prove their competence and usefulness to the team. However, the team is not always ready for such a turn of events. There can be two options here: the team is used to working in a measured mode, not to strain, or simply calmly go with the flow, or quite active and competent employees with high self-esteem cannot accept an overly ambitious newcomer.
2. The new employee tries to push his duties onto others. In the form of motivation for such behavior, arguments such as ignorance of some working moments, or an explanation that the tasks presented to him are not included in his job responsibilities can be presented. Such an employee either does not have work experience, communication, or is simply a drone who wants to receive money without undue stress.
3. External and age factors. To when a young employee comes to a team of middle-aged people who differs too much from them in worldview, temperament, manner of behaving and dressing.

Whatever the cause, the situation can and should be addressed without resorting to extreme measures.

What actions can be taken to improve the situation

Many HR experts recommend checking a newcomer not only for professional qualities, but also to assess his ability to compromise, the ability to adapt to the corporate culture and the psychological climate of the company. At the stage of assessing a candidate, it is worth paying attention not only to his skills and qualifications, but also to analyze personal qualities. It would not be superfluous to compare them in terms of compliance with the company and the nature of the relationship that is accepted in the team.

It must be understood that the appearance of a new employee in any case will lead to some violation of the psychological climate and the stability of an already established group of people. The HR manager must conduct activities aimed at preparing employees for the arrival of a newcomer. In most cases, it is enough to have a general conversation and make it clear that the selection of personnel takes into account the factor of maintaining a healthy working atmosphere in the team.

In order for a person to quickly and successfully adapt to a new place, to join the team’s activities without conflicts and stress, a personnel management specialist can develop an individual adaptation program for a beginner. Such a program usually includes three stages:

1. Socio-psychological adaptation- psychological preparation of a new employee for work in the company and in the team. No matter how sociable and stress-resistant a person is, in any case, he needs help for a smooth and painless entry into a group of already established people who have long-term relationships. The newcomer should be gradually introduced into the system of formal and informal relations established in the team. At the initial stage, a beginner should be introduced to the psychological climate, traditions and values ​​of the organization as a whole, as well as to give an idea of ​​interpersonal relations in the group.
2. Production adaptation- a process relating exclusively to the professional qualities and job responsibilities of an employee. AT this case it is better to initially abstract from all other areas and clearly set tasks for the employee. If job descriptions have been developed at the enterprise, then a detailed conversation should be held with the new employee about his duties, work functions, rights and daily routine. At this stage, it is also possible to assess the professional skills and knowledge of a person.
3. Organizational adaptation– a number of measures aimed at introducing the employee to the rules and requirements of the company, and familiarizing with the system of interaction both horizontally and vertically.

If, nevertheless, the conflict could not be avoided, you must first carefully understand the causes and circumstances. Only on the basis of a detailed consideration of the situation and an assessment of the points of view of all team members, it is possible to draw conclusions with whom and how to conduct work.

Should an unsuitable employee be fired?

As practice and scientific research shows, there are three types of employees:

• Willing to work and develop;
• Consciously shirking work;
• Absolutely inert and non-initiative.

The first category can and should be worked on, adjusting their workflow and schedule, helping to build relationships with the team. If a situation arises when a newcomer is overly active and this annoys the old-timers, it is necessary to work with the entire team, it is possible to use training to improve team spirit.

The second category is people who go to work only to spend time and get paid for it. You can try to motivate them to work with the help of material and non-material incentives. The third category refers to the most unpromising group of people who are either not interested in work at all, or they are lazy and have absolutely no ambition. These are difficult to work with and in most cases useless.

The above categories describe a person's attitude to their immediate duties and work activity in general, but this does not apply to their personal qualities. The effective work of the team depends not only on the correct and accurate performance of each member of their professional functions, but also on interpersonal relationships. Often there are situations when a newcomer does an excellent job with the tasks assigned to them, but at the same time brings discord into the atmosphere of the team.

If the new member turned out to be difficult to communicate with or generally a pest, the HR manager also needs to intervene here. Often, gossips and hidden manipulators disrupt the psychological climate in the team so much that even a close-knit team falls apart. Sometimes it becomes necessary to take tough measures up to and including dismissal. To avoid such situations when introducing a new member to teams and hiring, it is recommended to use proven methods - internship and probationary period.

I am 24 years old. Recently I got a job, but the team did not accept me. It is very difficult for me to get along in the current team, although I am not a conflict person, I treat elders with respect, I always help when asked, I complete assignments on time, etc. This has never happened in past teams, all people treated me well, but here...

I am surprised by their attitude towards me. Maybe they see that a modest man has come and you can sit on his neck? And they got the impression that I could not cope with difficult tasks. Gossip is going on behind my back (only from women, of course, and they are aged, middle-aged). This gossip is carried on with reason and without reason. I show that I do not notice this, but one day I came home in tears. I have never been rude to them, I have not quarreled with anyone. It does not fit in my head: why? It is very difficult for me and, although the company is not bad, there are thoughts of leaving. The only thing that keeps me here is that there is a place where you can pray.

In terms of religion:

Most likely, you failed to find a common language with the new team for the reason that you have little in common with them, and, most likely, you do not take part in their activities and hobbies.

To establish good relationships with colleagues, participate in their activities and hobbies, do not move away from the team. Of course, this does not mean the need, if they start washing someone's bones, support them in this and contribute to such a discussion. This means taking an active part in common activities. As a first step, you can take an action such as bringing something to work for tea, such as a cake, associating it with some event.

Nothing pleases a person more than praise. Take advantage of this weakness of many people. Naturally, it is impossible to flatter by describing a person with those qualities that he does not possess, but Shariah does not prohibit emphasizing any dignity of a person. For example, if one of your colleagues knows how to do something well, praise her and say something like this: “I would like to learn this too”, “You are doing so well! ..”

Invite - first individually, and then together - colleagues to your home. Nothing brings people together like a conversation in a non-working atmosphere. Try to somehow "asked for it" and visit them. It can also be used as assistance, if there is such an option.

Give colleagues small gifts, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said that if people give gifts to each other, then warm, friendly feelings will certainly arise between them.

From the point of view of psychology:

Such misunderstandings happen quite often in teams. Basically, such phenomena are due to the social situation itself, when different people unite in one place on the basis of common activities. Naturally, in such cases, the question arises of the division of powers and responsibilities, which may result in various conflict situations. Most likely, this is what happened in your case. Most likely, before you appeared in this team, certain norms, traditions and mutual expectations had developed. In general, any team is not just a group of people, not a simple arithmetic addition, something special always appears in it, inherent only to this group. This is what in psychology is called "informal group structure", that is, personal mutual likes and dislikes. In group psychology, this phenomenon is called "sociometric structure". The main problem is that the appearance of a new person necessarily entails consequences, since it makes significant adjustments to the overall picture. Sometimes the group accepts a newcomer with ease, sometimes not. This acceptance and non-acceptance depends to a greater extent on the personality of the new participant, because it is he who is accepted or not accepted.

Naturally, the role of the collective itself is also present, especially since you say that this has not been observed with you in other collectives. However, we must proceed from the fact that it is not in our power to change the structure of relationships in the group. The only thing that can be changed is your personal participation in what is happening. It is important for you to highlight in yourself that part that the group does not accept, some of your personal peculiarity. It is also interesting that they have a certain opinion about you, and not in your favor. I admit that one of the reasons is your personal insecurity in your own professionalism, which is transmitted to everyone else. Also, the problem may be that you put forward too high requirements for yourself, the desire to meet certain conditional standards.

Try to reconsider your role in the team. Do not behave detached from the general team and, if this does not contradict your beliefs, take part in joint activities. Change the way you look at work colleagues. If you see them as enemies, then they will certainly perceive you as a stranger.

Muhammad-Amin - Hadji Magomedrasulov
theologian
Aliaskhab Anatolievich Murzaev
psychologist-consultant of the Center for Social Assistance to Families and Children

The only chance to make a first impression should always be used wisely. Especially when it comes to work. After all, the place where you will spend most of your day (and what is there - life) should be not only useful for you, but also pleasant. So, what rules should be followed in order to join the team as quickly as possible, and what to do if he did not accept?

According to the results of a study by the Superjob portal, it turned out that more personnel officers advise newcomers to “listen and be silent”, that is, to wind what they say, observe what is happening, so that later, based on a large amount of information, they correctly present their position to colleagues in team. However, this takes time, and the first impression must be created from the first day of its appearance. What should be done besides quality work and friendly behavior?

How to join the team without loss?

1. Avoid coalitions

In almost any community, there are groups that hold their own views, usually sit at different tables at dinner and communicate more with each other than with anyone else. As a rule, already from the first days of the appearance of a newcomer, these groups begin to "probe" him for the similarity of interests or even push him to join them.

You will still end up in some group, so it’s better to communicate with everyone the same way at first, and then the choice will be made by itself - just give yourself time. Take a neutral position in controversial issues.

Even if someone suddenly showed a genuine interest in you and helps in everything, do not rush to think that this is a gift from heaven. Be careful, but, of course, kindly and with gratitude. Now is the time to get comfortable and find out what kind of people surround you, and the decision on who to communicate with is better to make later.

If you immediately suddenly begin to communicate with some group of people more, then you may be considered an overly influenced person, and it’s not a fact that you will really enjoy being in this group.

2. Ask questions, be interested, ask for advice

Humility is the first quality that most beginners show clearly. And often it is modesty that plays a bad role in your entry into the team.

New to the team

Each job loves initiative people, but “humble” people do not, and such people are often used in the team. In addition, the team may consider you too arrogant or arrogant, since you cannot ask for help in such a seemingly trifling matter - settling in a new place.

So get over yourself and if you have a question, ask it! You can start simple - ask where, how and when it is customary to dine. Well, there are more questions to come. The main thing is not to ask personal questions (is the boss alone or that handsome guy from the first floor), and nevertheless, first try to solve some difficulty on your own, and then ask for help.

Consult with colleagues, smiling, thank them for their help. This way you will make friends faster.

3. Adjust to the existing order

Everyone knows that they don’t go to a foreign monastery with their own charter. So try to do things the way your new company does. Even if this is unusual for you, having already joined the team, it will already be easier for you to tell everyone what you are used to doing differently. Then it will not cause a negative reaction.

For example, have lunch in the dining room with everyone, even if you are used to carrying lunches with you. Or offer a donation or even help organize a colleague's birthday. If there is a queue of those who run to the store for coffee and chocolates, do not refuse to participate.

Of course, all this should be done not to the detriment of work or yourself. If everyone smokes, then you don’t have to stand with everyone in the smoking room, but you can quite support a few “habits” of the team.

Also, you can not criticize the existing order, give advice and constantly complain. The phrases “Turn the music down”, “turn off the air conditioning”, “don’t slam the doors” are guaranteed to make you an outcast. However, this does not mean that you need to endure: maybe you are being tested to see if you are able to voice your opinion? If you feel cold from the constantly open window, put on a sweater, if no one offered to close it, offer it yourself. But don't download rights as soon as possible.

4. Tell us about yourself

It is better to do it yourself voluntarily than to fend off gossip and speculation later. There are questions that are almost always interesting: are you married or dating someone, do you have children, where did you come from, where and how do you live.

New to the team

When you manage to get into the conversation of colleagues (say, at dinner), feel free to wedge in these pieces of information to yourself, as if in between times, without forcing everyone to talk about yourself, your beloved. Believe me, even something interesting said as if between words will be remembered and will be transmitted, because the team is always very attentive to the personal information of a beginner. Such is nature. So take the chance to introduce yourself, otherwise someone else might do it tomorrow.

5. Follow your job descriptions clearly

And first, get to know them, because not all companies provide the employee with job descriptions, limiting themselves to a general description of the position. Find out also who your immediate supervisor is and to whom you "owe". This will save you from others who want to give orders to beginners.

It's no secret that in many teams they like to dump routine work on newcomers. Refuse, citing the fact that you would be happy to help (it helped), but you better focus on your duties at the moment, you need to get used to it. Or agree, but immediately explain that you only agree to help, because you have time for this, but you can refuse for the future, since this is not your duty.

Do all this as calmly and friendly as possible and do not go too far in one direction or the other. You can transfer folders from one table to another without fear that the annual report will be dumped on you right there. And making a report for someone, you run the risk of carrying folders for someone later. In other words, don't let yourself be abused.

More about the rules of behavior for a newcomer in a team, as well as how to say “no” and not turn into an “errand girl”, see the video clip.

What to do if the team does not accept?

Do not panic and do not perform chaotic actions in order to please colleagues. All you need to do is to understand the cause and, based on it, look for a "cure". Here are the possible reasons and options for your behavior:

You took "someone's" place: because of you, an old employee was fired or one of your current colleagues claimed the place
If you can’t stand the attitude of the team anymore, they openly laugh at you and mock you, try to bring together at least part of the team and honestly admit that you can’t work like that, that it’s hard for you, that you are a good person and would like to become part of the team. Apologize for the fact that you yourself, unwittingly, have become someone else's problem.