I have always been shy, and everyone considered me quiet. Mom likes to remember how in early childhood I hid behind her, finding myself in an unfamiliar company. As I grew up, my social phobia grew. I was sensitive, vulnerable, and these qualities are the perfect breeding ground for anxiety.

When they celebrated the bar mitzvah (the day on which a person, according to Jewish law, becomes an adult. - Approx. ed.) of my older brother, my shyness became obvious to everyone. I was 9 years old. As tradition dictates, I was to take the stage and give a speech. She was warmly received by those present, but I was in such tension that my nervous laughter gradually turned into tears. For me it was all too much. All I had to do was bury my face in my sister's shoulder to hide how nervous I was at having so many eyes fixed on me.

Everyone laughed, writing off what happened to my timidity and young age. But even as a young man, in my heart I remained the same frightened 9-year-old boy.

EVERYTHING IS SCARY AND SCARY

It was time for the boys in the class to become interested in the girls, and teasing became the norm. Then a wave of anxiety washed over me. Soft and modest by nature, I felt completely isolated, as if I were a child in the company of adults.

Fear whispered to me that people around me should judge me negatively: “he is quiet,” “he is not witty,” and (at the worst) “he is a bore.”

Among classmates, I could not be myself: the real one, the way I was at home, and I was losing faith in myself more and more.

I hated myself for everything: for mumbling when answering in class, for not being able to joke when a girl I liked turned to me

At school, to calm down a little, I closed myself in the toilet cubicle. It was the only place where I felt safe, where I didn't have to pretend to be anything. It gave me short moments of respite.

My endless slips have exhausted me completely. I hated myself for everything: for mumbling something indistinct when answering in class, for not being able to successfully joke when a girl I liked addressed me.

TOUCH THE SPIDER

In search of a way out, I tried both cognitive behavioral therapy and psychological counseling, but things stalled. I was looking for a quick and painless way to get rid of problems and I reasoned like a person who wants to get rid of the fear of spiders, but even for this I am not ready to touch a spider.

It took me a long time to realize that the psychologists were right: I needed to dare to face my fears. I began to realize that they literally paralyze me, control my life, determine my every decision. Fear was the chain that bound me.

I realized that two things bother me the most, and both of them are just a product of my imagination. This realization helped me get rid of my "chain", free myself from the suffocating grip of my fears.

Here are the discoveries I made for myself.

1. Awkward pauses are not necessarily my fault.

Every conversation is a two-way street. When I realized this, I was finally able to relax. Communication began to give me pleasure. If there was a pause in the conversation, I already understood that it was not necessarily about me. This does not mean that the interlocutor condemns me or considers me boring. I can not worry, not pretend and be myself.

2. NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME

This discovery gave me a sense of liberation. I was too self-centered, believing that people only think about me, think about my every word, what they care about, how I behave.

Am I myself endlessly busy thinking about their every action? So why did I decide that their thoughts are focused on my person? By seeing my erroneous judgments, I was finally able to face my fears.

I JUST WANT TO LIVE

If before I avoided people, now I willingly communicate with them. Sometimes I still get scared, but I remind myself that the main thing is to live, not to survive.

I'm still quiet, but when talking to someone, I no longer feel that my heart is about to jump out of my chest with excitement. I began to dream, much more than ever before. My anxiety bound me hand and foot like a straitjacket. Now I have become much freer and I see how many opportunities life opens up for me.

I used to live trying to be inconspicuous, now I try to just live.

Dependence on other people's opinions makes us shy. As you know, everyone likes only the American dollar, so learn not to take criticism as a sentence and recognize that the world is not black and white. You will get rid of shyness when you change the grading system.

Become independent of other people's assessments

To get rid of shyness, you need to become independent of other people's assessments and the opinions of others. You can't please everyone! Therefore, learn to close and painfully not take anyone's criticism.

Why is shyness more common in adolescence? Yes, because teenage maximalism does not allow you to see all the facets and nuances of some actions and events - this is good, but this is bad, this is white, and this is black.

Adults, on the other hand, understand that there is nothing unambiguous - in addition to black and white, there is also a whole palette of colors, and all situations are ambiguous. Therefore, it is easier to be an independent independent person and do not depend so much on the opinions of other people.

If you find it difficult to relax, and you worry about what they might think of you, remember the words said by someone famous: “Do not worry about what others think of you: they are too worried about what you think about them".

Get rid of controllers

Identify the person (or several persons) who plays the role of an “examiner” in your life, the one who constantly commands you, the one whose opinion prevails over you, the one who from time to time speaks exclusively in a negative way about your actions and deeds.

Of course, finding him among your surroundings is sometimes not easy, because you are used to his command and take everything at face value, not for a second not admitting that this person can somehow harm you. If you have found him, but for some reason you cannot completely get rid of his "guardianship", shorten the distance.

Love yourself just the way you are

If the reason for your shyness is the rejection of something in yourself, whether it be a character trait or some physiological feature, well, or something else that you do not like about yourself and try to hide or not demonstrate it once again, ask yourself a couple of questions - “What motivates me to hide this property, this trait so convulsively from other people?

What will happen if I, having accepted it for myself at first, open it to others? In order to get rid of shyness, first imagine it mentally, and only then transfer your vision and mood to reality.

Learn to objectively and calmly see yourself from the outside without judgment and evaluation. Such an outwardly neutral vision will gradually awaken positive emotions in you, a feeling of love and joy both for the whole world and for yourself, as a part of this world. Direct this love to that which you do not like so much in yourself. Everything will work out!

Pay attention to appearance

If your shyness is a consequence of the fact that you doubt your external attractiveness, pay attention to this, work on your own image. If at the moment you are limited in finances, then just make sure that the clothes are always clean and tidy.

Do not make yourself an idol

Do you worry that you don't look like someone else? Where did you get this inner image, standard and ideal? How did he get into your mind? Think about it, could you compare yourself to no one? Giving someone omnipotence and trying to imitate him, in addition to the fact that we acquire shyness and all kinds of complexes, we also deprive ourselves of the possibility of individuality and self-improvement.

Develop Communication Skills

Communicate more and develop the necessary communication skills - communication skills, listening skills, the ability to ask questions, the ability to formulate thoughts, pay attention to increasing vocabulary and familiarize yourself with the rules of constructive criticism ...

The best impromptu is the one that is carefully prepared

If your shyness is preventing you from socializing, then as a "temporary cure" or "transitional measure" try to avoid getting into situations you are not familiar with. To do this, develop your personal tactics of behavior. Prepare for some specific situations a few specific options (phrases, topics of conversation, etc.). The situation of acquaintance can be rehearsed at home in front of a mirror, a telephone conversation can first be sketched on paper.

You have the right, the right to...

As soon as you begin to feel awkward in communication, remember that every person has a right: the right to independence; the right to evaluate their own actions and feelings; the right to make mistakes and be responsible for their actions; the right to say “no” without feeling guilty; the right not to justify; the right to dislike; the right not to know; the right to make ridiculous and illogical decisions, of course, if it does not harm others.

If at first something doesn’t turn out the way you would like it to, don’t be discouraged. Give yourself the right to make mistakes - this is one of the main conditions that will help you overcome shyness.

Use affirmations

Try to use positive attitudes and statements (affirmations). Although many consider it frivolous, but believe me, it works.

Get rid of muscle clamps

Be sure to pay attention to releasing muscle clamps (I will tell you how to do this in future articles). If you learn to relax, then shyness will decrease in you.

Each note of shyness has its own muscular echo. Analyze the muscle pattern of your own shyness. Try to figure out which muscle groups are the main forces contributing to this negative emotional state.

Important!

Shyness is not a disability! Some people think that if they are shy, then they are sick. This is not true! I assure you that many people also did not have, and do not have enough faith in themselves, they just learned to overcome and conquer this fear.

If you can't help but judge yourself, then accept that shyness isn't so bad! This trait is inherent in the researcher, who always tries to penetrate the essence of things, and not be content with the superficial "it's normal." Therefore, take note that you are far from worse than everyone else, and even better than many. In particular, it is quite possible that you are better than the person whose grades you depend on.

The worst way to deal with shyness is to "find someone vulnerable, someone weaker than you, and suppress them." First, it is not beautiful and unethical. And secondly, for a shy person, this is violence against oneself, because such behavior is not characteristic of him.

Some people think that alcohol helps to overcome shyness, and they begin to abuse it. This is unacceptable; under the influence of alcohol, a person becomes more cheeky, not freer, and can literally “break the chain” - from the very one on which he is kept by various complexes.

When alcohol ceases to act, the state of shyness deepens, because a person becomes ashamed of his behavior, he tries to move away from others and becomes even more isolated in himself. The process of getting rid of shyness takes a lot of time, so you need patience.

There are people who, in an unusual situation for themselves, begin to blush, worry, and have difficulty speaking. For such individuals, the question: how to stop being shy is the most acute. It is extremely difficult for shy people to be in the center of everyone's attention, make new acquaintances, and communicate with unfamiliar people.

In addition, modest people have a very hard time adapting to a new place, and the emergence of an unfamiliar situation may well cause them to panic.

Reasons for modesty

Knowing the factors that determine such a psychological feature as modesty will help you understand how to get rid of shyness.

The most common causes of humility are:

1. Innate personality traits. from birth, more reserved, modest, slow and timid compared to their extrovert peers. Shyness is an integral character trait for them;
2. Education is also of no small importance in the formation of personality. If a child feels that he is not protected in the family, then he will have a difficult relationship with the outside world;
3. Insecure, modest and withdrawn parents, who perceive new people as a danger to themselves, pass on their behavioral characteristics to their child. Children always imitate adults. That is why shy parents most often grow up the same children;
4. Parents who don't trust the world often bring their children into their lives a large number of all sorts of taboos and restrictions. In addition, adults do not let the child go away from themselves, do not give him the opportunity to independently explore the world around. Over time, a small person gets used to the idea that it is warm and safe under the parental wing and ceases to strive for discoveries, communication with other people. Such children find it difficult to adapt to new circumstances, they hardly start going to kindergarten or school, it is difficult to find a common language with unfamiliar people, they develop shyness;
5. In addition to unhealthy relationships in the family, modesty can be caused by low self-esteem. In such cases, people who tend to underestimate their own merits, are not able to take decisive and important actions for their own lives, and cannot fully communicate. This is due to the internal fear of doing something wrong or not doing the right thing.

Some people with especially fragile self-esteem try not to do anything new at all, as they feel good only when the work is done perfectly. Unfortunately, in real life, this is almost impossible to achieve. A small mistake for them is a huge tragedy that makes them feel completely incompetent and worthless.

That is why such individuals try not to go beyond the framework of the long-studied and understandable. It is not surprising that such people prefer to communicate only in a well-known circle.

The very modesty this case acts not as a protective factor, but as an obstacle to self-improvement.

Ways to overcome modesty

How to get rid of shyness, if nature has endowed you with it in full? First you need to understand yourself, understand the causes of the problem. Only after introspection can one begin to take practical steps to eliminate modesty.

How to get rid of modesty?

• At the very beginning, it is necessary to individualize this feature.

It is necessary to understand the reasons for which modesty arose, to determine the situations in which it most fully reveals itself. In addition, you need to understand what the state is connected with. Only after introspection can a reliable answer be given to the question: how to stop being shy;

• The next step is self-understanding.

How to get rid of modesty? Understand that the world around you has no purpose to monitor your actions and evaluate them. Most people are so busy with their problems that they don't care about your minor oversights. You should not compare yourself with others. Only accepting yourself with all your weaknesses and peculiarities, understanding your feelings and desires will improve your own life, destroy the barriers that do not allow you to develop;

• How to get rid of shyness

Find all your . There are no people who do not have merit. One of the main tasks in everyone's life is to determine their talent, its development. You should find what works best in life and develop this ability.

Determining your strengths will help strengthen self-esteem, give you the opportunity to go your own way. This measure in the question: how to overcome shyness, is short-term. However, it is able to give faith that it is possible to destroy the barrier of fears and restrictions;

• Modesty itself is not born just like that

It develops on the inability to please yourself. Each person must learn to properly evaluate himself, to love his individuality. Every day you should get acquainted with yourself, with your characteristics, pay attention to habits;

• How to overcome shyness, if around great amount successful bright people?

The basic rule is to stop striving to look like everyone else. Each person is individual, and this is the beauty of life. You should not try to imitate someone.

All attempts to achieve similarity with non-standard personalities will only lead to a number of disappointments, and ultimately to a decrease in self-esteem. You should develop your individual characteristics, strive for originality;

• If the environment makes you feel uncomfortable, you should try to focus on other people. In no case should you close yourself in your experiences;
• How to overcome shyness in a difficult situation?

Often unforeseen circumstances cause a feeling of fear. In such cases, you can cope with excitement with the help of proper breathing. The technique of breathing exercises is very simple, but very effective. Close your eyes and take deep breaths. All attention should be focused solely on breathing.

Yoga experts also advise a certain technique that allows you to cope with anxiety. To do this, you need to count during inhalation and exhalation. Gradually, you should equalize your breathing. For example, when inhaling, count up to 4 and when exhaling, count up to 4. after the breath becomes even, you should add a number to each breath. The exercise should be performed for several minutes.

• Releasing blocked energy is another answer to the question: how to overcome shyness. Sports activities help relieve stress. Also a very effective way is meditation;
• How to overcome shyness? Imagine yourself as a confident and happy person. Visualization helps to form a positive image;
• Modesty itself is nothing but a program setting. You can overcome it with affirmations. Everyone knows that every word carries power. Repeated repetition of the same installation affects a person, helping him to achieve what he wants;
• How to overcome shyness? Pay as much attention as possible to situations that cause unpleasant experiences. To do this, you need to analyze your feelings, while you should answer yourself the questions: “For what reason do I have such feelings? What triggered these reactions in me? Are there any explanations for what happened?
• Don't be too negative about rejection. Each person throughout his life repeatedly hears “no” in response to his requests or actions. Don't make a tragedy out of this. It is necessary to understand that the reason for the refusal is not your actions and not yourself, but certain circumstances;
• How to stop being shy? Say no to perfectionism. It should be remembered that there are no ideal people, things, actions and events in the world;
• Social skills training is the best answer to the question: how to stop being shy. Communication experience must be gained in practice. The more social connections there are, the easier it will be to find a common language with people in the future.

Humility itself is not a negative character trait. However, excessive shyness can greatly ruin the life of even the most talented person. How to stop being shy? Everyone can answer this question. You just need to carefully understand the causes of your fears.

Difficulties on the path of life for humble people

Modesty is nothing more than a barrier to success in life.

Shyness can make it difficult to find a good promising job. In some cases, people deny themselves the desired work only because in doing it they will have to do a number of actions that are unpleasant for their sense of self: communicate with a large number of new people, use public transport, be close to strangers, and sometimes even unpleasant personalities. .

Humility is not only a loss of career opportunities.

Shyness leads to the fact that a person becomes timid, he avoids the crowd, he will never be seen in the spotlight. Shy people often blush when they are approached by a stranger. Sweating of the palms, rapid breathing, nervous clenching of the hands - all this occurs in a modest person in a new situation for him.

Positive aspects of modesty

Shyness is a psychological feature that allows you to protect a person from unjustified risks and dangers.

Humble people are often great conversationalists. However, they are able to open up only in small companies with well-known people.

The complete opposite of modest people are reckless, aggressive, arrogant personalities. They are quite capable of unpredictable actions, which sometimes lead to sad consequences.

Modesty itself in this context is not something unacceptable. According to evolution, the greatest results in terms of life expectancy are achieved by those individuals who behave most prudently and do not neglect the norms of behavior. However, excessive shyness can also do a disservice to its owner.

Being shy means being afraid of people
especially those who for one reason or another
negatively affect our emotions.
Phil Zimbard about

Every day we are faced with a large number of shy, insecure individuals. Psychologists say that almost all people suffer from shyness to one degree or another.

One of the best books on this topic is the work of the American psychologist F. Zimbardo, which is called “Shyness: what it is and how to deal with it”, suggests referring to the famous Webster dictionary, which says that being shy means being “difficult for rapprochement, because of timidity, caution and mistrust. Zimbardo gives several quotations from the dictionary:

"A shy person is cautious, not inclined to meet or contact with any particular person or object." "Impressionable, timid, reluctant to stand up for their rights", a shy person "may be retiring or secretive due to self-doubt or fear of harassment by his antipode, a dubious, suspicious, "dark" personality." Webster's Dictionary defines shyness as awkwardness in the presence of other people.

Shyness goes hand in hand with embarrassment, which the same Zimbardo defines as "a short-term acute loss of self-respect" that periodically happens to many people. Embarrassment coexists with awkwardness, during which it becomes clear from the side that a person is absorbed in himself and a painful reaction to the way other people see and perceive him. Shy people are self-conscious, that is, they are negatively disposed towards themselves.

What are the causes of shyness? There are many of them and they have both an innate genetic basis and an acquired origin. The origins of shyness must be sought in childhood, where a person was not taught to love himself and accept himself as a whole. In the future, life traumas and problems consolidated this property and made it a constant companion of a person. A shy person constantly rejects some part of himself in himself and hides it from others, fearing that those around him will discover it and in some negative way (mockery, discontent, criticism, aggression, etc.) will react to it. To feel more comfortable and confident, people who can't get rid of shyness surround themselves with a whole cascade of clumsy, conspicuous psychological shields, and this makes them even more tense.

If you take a closer look at shyness, you can see at its basis a special mechanism for unfavorably comparing oneself with a certain standard of confidence and emancipation that exists in the minds of such people. Comparison is always the result of the work of the mind, but it is evaluated and experienced on an emotional level. The state of security directly depends on the depth of experience.

A person is afraid to be himself in the presence of other people and therefore takes an artificial clumsy psychological pose. He narrows the space of interaction with other people, he begins to avoid everything new in life, and the fabric of his consciousness is covered with scars from the psychological trauma that almost every contact inflicts on him. He does not live, but exists, as if being in a half-bent state.

We live in a cruel world where weakness is trampled under the law of brute force and self-interest. Shy people are beaten all the time for profit or for the sake of self-affirmation, and they will probably be beaten for a long time if they do not start up, do not get angry at themselves with good sports anger and do not try to become stronger. Such people attract blows to themselves both by their appearance, and by the expression on their faces, on the forehead of which it is written in large letters: “I am a victim”, and by subtle energy, as if intended to be beaten all the time. Even if shy people sometimes explode and protest, their outbursts are almost always belated attempts to force themselves to be respected and restore the status quo. They either have no effect on the aggressors, or cause those even more fury and a desire to finish off the awkwardly protesting victim.

A shy, insecure person, instead of discharging the dissatisfaction that has arisen in communication with the behavior of other people in the correct form, giving them a signal about the inadmissibility of their reactions, accumulates anger and resentment in himself. When the accumulated negative emotions overwhelm the edge, many people of this type turn on defense mechanisms and an explosion occurs. However, it often happens that, due to his weakness and disbelief in his own strength, a shy person does not dare to throw out dissatisfaction on the one who is really to blame, and begins to take out his annoyance, transferring irritation to even weaker people - relatives, friends, children, lower level employees.

If you are serious about getting rid of shyness and becoming confident and secure at all times, here are a few steps you can take.:

1. Take a close look at your shyness and insecurity and try to understand its origins. Where did you get this property from? Is it congenital or acquired? And if you bought it, what influenced you the most - failures, bullying, ridicule, criticism, difficult circumstances or some other reasons? Also answer the question - is it easy to eliminate these causes with a simple strong-willed decision or do they require painstaking work, perhaps together with a specialist.
2. Try to see in yourself that inner standard of confidence, the comparison with which brings you into a state of emotional tension and clamping. Why are you so painfully worried that you are not like him? Where did you get this inner standard and image from? Who implanted it in your mind? Think about it, could you live without comparing yourself to anyone or anything, but accepting yourself the way you are?
3. Try to understand what you dislike so much about yourself and why do you reject it? What motivates you to hide this trait or property from other people so tensely? What will happen if, on the contrary, you accept it first for yourself, and then open it to others? To get rid of shyness, first try to imagine it mentally, and then gradually transfer your idea, vision and mood into reality.
4. Learn the great art of calmly and objectively seeing yourself as if from the outside without judgment or judgment. Such an outwardly neutral vision will gradually awaken your positive emotions, a sense of joy and love for the whole world, including yourself, as part of this world. Direct this love to that darkened inner line that you do not like so much and that you so carefully hide from other people's views.
5. Introduce a light detachment and mild humor into your relationship with yourself. Make fun of your shyness and insecurity. Accept them easily, without tension, without judging yourself for such qualities, but perceiving their presence as a springboard for further improvement.
6. Collect all the past resources of your victories or at least successful communication scenarios in any situations. Remember all the cases of your confidence and looseness in companies. Try to recall and relive your positive emotions that you experienced then. Then gather these emotions together into one big holistic feeling of faith in yourself and tune in to its further expansion. Saturate with this feeling, as if with a light substance, your whole being - body, organism, nervous system, psyche, consciousness, your "I".
7. Mentally observe yourself and try to find in yourself some internal obscurations and energy blocks that are responsible for the state of insecurity and prevent you from getting rid of shyness. Then dissolve this feeling and state on all levels of your being from consciousness to body and replace it with a state of confidence.
8. Take a close look at confident, liberated people. Try to understand what is the secret of their success and how they manage to keep themselves relaxed and confident in all situations. Try to imagine how their inner world works. Think about it, are there at least some weak rudiments of such confidence and looseness inside you? If there is, then tune in to this state again and again, catching and fixing it. Consider also whether you are capable of the things these people do or not.
9. Try to behave the way people of this type behave - freely, confidently, liberated, doing what they like to do, without regard to others. Bring impulses of freedom and emancipation into your gestures, movements, looks, gait, intonations, facial expressions, decisions, actions. Achieve a clear feeling that a stream of freedom is passing through you.
10. If the techniques and methods described above for gaining confidence on your own are not enough to save you from shyness, then turn to the Higher Forces with a prayer and a request to help you gain this state and property. Ask with all your heart and being, bringing the energy of emotional sincerity and aspiration into prayer, and after a while you will begin to receive an answer and support.
11. Give a serious place to the release of muscle clamps. Shyness simply ceases to exist as a property if a person has learned to truly relax his body. Each facet of shyness has its own muscular manifestation. Examine the muscle pattern of your shyness. Try to understand which muscle groups are the main forces that support this negative emotional state.
12. At the moment of blows or pressure of circumstances, try to respond to them by putting up an energy shield woven from the substance of confidence. Trust that you can handle the problem.

At the same time, don't turn yourself into an overconfident biorobot. Confidence is not a goal, it is just a means to an end and a certain indicator of a person's vitality, indicating that the goal will be achieved. Leave room for pain, failure, experience. Remember the thought expressed by Zimbardo: “Do not overprotect your ego: it is more durable and cheerful than you think. It bends but doesn't break. It is much better to feel pain in the soul from time to time because you did not act in the best way than to avoid pain at the cost of emotional sensation.

Hello to everyone who is afraid to call, meet new people, dance in the crowd, return goods to the store, ask the minibus driver to stop at the place you need, etc. Does every step in society that you have to take lead to the fact that you step over yourself? Stiffness kills dreams, interferes with a person's normal life, affects behavior in society, so you must understand how to overcome shyness and self-doubt.

Where does

It's all about self-criticism. Shy people are unusually dependent on others, they have low self-esteem, there is uncertainty and even dissatisfaction in life. A shy person is ready to limit himself to standard work in which he will not catch the eye of others.

He will be ready to remove all friends from his life, if only to experience less stress of communication. He is completely lost in simple everyday situations, such as phone calls or communication with sales assistants.

Each time the situation only gets worse, because every action that you fail to implement in communication is a small blow to your self-esteem, a step towards even greater isolation. You can no longer understand how to get rid of shyness and tightness. The inner Samoyed that lives in a shy person completely destroys your self-confidence. In such a state, overcoming oneself is practically a feat.

If you want to get out of the state of shyness, you need to take a whole lot of steps. When you start to overcome yourself, decide how to deal with shyness, at least just think through your actions, it becomes easier for you. Time after time, without steps back, you will move towards a free existence in which excessive modesty can be discarded. Indeed, in our case, it is really superfluous, simply because it interferes with life!

Exercises

Let's look at the advice of a psychologist on how to overcome shyness, modesty and self-doubt. After each exercise, especially if it was really difficult, you need to reward yourself with a sweet, going to a beauty salon, in the evening with your favorite book, a warm bath or new purchases. Everyone will choose something for themselves.

Exercise 1. During the day, smile at 20 strangers on the street, looking into their eyes and not hiding from them. It may be quite difficult at first, but such an exercise will help you gradually integrate into society. You will show yourself that the world around you is not trying to offend you, it is quite positive and is also ready to share warmth.

If this is difficult, start with a smile to yourself in the mirror, an open smile to friends and relatives. Such a seemingly simple action qualitatively changes people's lives, helps to relieve tension and insecurity, so you should always start your day and business with a smile!

Exercise 2. During the day, several times ask people on the street what time it is. Do not choose people that suit you, try to cover as many categories as possible: grandmothers, schoolchildren, young girls, and men. Ask 15 times until you feel confident. If the task is well performed, you can complicate it. In this case, the person should try to ask again, as if he did not hear the answer. This helps to understand that people will not refuse such simple help, they adequately relate to questions, they are positive towards you. Yes, even if a passer-by refuses, there is nothing terrible or stupid in this.

If the exercise is difficult or you do not understand how to get rid of shyness at this moment, try to imagine the situation well: from the second when you approach the person to the moment when you say goodbye. A positive study of the situation, which will tell you how to overcome shyness in this situation, will lead to an excellent result!

Exercise 3 Try to “turn out” something in your image, for example, clothes. Go to a standard meeting wearing an inside-out sweater and see if the people you know notice the change. This will help you realize that people are not as picky about your appearance as you think. They may not even notice the flaw right away.

Appearance will not destroy your relationship, it really is not the worst thing that can happen in your life. You are more important than your clothes or your image. It is necessary to separate opinions about you and your essence. If you find it difficult, start with some inconspicuous wardrobe item, such as different socks on your feet or an inside-out T-shirt.

You will begin to understand that any flaw is easy to fix, for example, change into a sweater. There is nothing wrong with this. And you won't look stupid!

Exercise 4 Direct your feet to the hairdresser and ask the master to offer you a new look. Ask as many questions as you can, offer your ideas and, most importantly, don't be afraid to refuse the service under the pretext that you need to think. Go around several salons to work out such a situation to automatism. You need to speak clearly, loudly, confidently. To consolidate the result, go around 5-6 salons. And as a reward, you can get a haircut where you really liked it!

This approach helps to increase their importance in front of you. You will understand that you deserve attention, self-care and being listened to. You have the right to refuse the service and decide what is best for you. If you find it difficult, start with salons that are far from home.

Exercise 5 Buy an item in a store and then return it. You can actually do it legally! And you need to pick up the hardness in your voice to get rid of the thing that you changed your mind about wearing. The seller will persuade you to keep the thing for yourself, but stand your ground and be sure! Walk around 4-5 stores to deal with your stiffness.

If it's difficult for you, take your mother, girlfriend or friend with you. Then the seller certainly will not be rude to you. Only now it is you who needs to speak, do not shift it to another, because you are looking for the answer to the question of how to get rid of shyness. You will have nothing to be afraid of, which means that you will be able to overcome a difficult everyday situation for many shy people.

How does the life of people who overcome stiffness change?

• Gen. As we have seen, there are quite a few simple everyday situations in which a shy person feels insecure. Starting from a call to the clinic reception (postponing a trip to the doctor can affect your health), ending with the inability to ask for directions (getting lost and looking for a way in an unfamiliar place is not the best choice for leisure!). Saying goodbye to such difficulties, deciding how to overcome shyness means really changing the quality of life!
• Relations. Problems with shyness in relationships are, of course, central. The inability not only to tell a pretty person that you like him, but also in principle to communicate with him is bitter! We need to start taking steps, we need to start a warm relationship, we need to look for friends. If only because friends, relatives and loved ones are the basis of our life. And shyness destroys this foundation. A person who has overcome himself, who has realized how to get rid of shyness, will be able to build new relationships, will be able to say if something does not suit him, will be able to plan a life together.
• Dreams. Shyness is insecurity, and insecurity is self-loathing. A person who considers himself unworthy of various benefits, who has not decided how to deal with shyness, can he afford to dream? Of course not. Your childhood dreams are blown away by social failure. You gradually convince yourself that you will not succeed, but your stiffness does not allow you to emerge back onto the path of success. Maybe you sing beautifully, but… stage fright. You play volleyball cool, but you are afraid to approach the playing company ... You put poetry together perfectly, but they do not leave your table. Letting go means letting go of your dreams. A person free from shyness achieves more. Because his horizons are expanding, and he really can do anything!
• Career. Career, akin to dreams, of course, goes up. You stop enjoying the little office that no one comes into, where you do things that others don't notice. You want to realize yourself. You want to emerge from behind the office fence and start doing what is really meant for you in life. Write. Take pictures. Maybe even manage people.

This is the difference, “to have or not to have” is up to you. Remember that every day you are moving either towards total modesty that destroys your life, or towards a happy open existence.