Why can't people be trusted? Why, as soon as you start to trust
Man, does this have to end badly? First of all,
of course, for you. After all, trust makes you too vulnerable (if
the one you trust, on whom you rely as on yourself, suddenly
justifies your trust), too vulnerable (if the action or
the inaction of someone you trusted harmed you), extremely
emotional (after all, at first you have trust in a person, and it
implies sympathy, and in case the object of sympathy is not
justifies, then he is automatically doomed in the future to mistrust - in
at best and / or antipathy - at worst) ... Simply put, unnecessary
trust is quite dialectically fraught with its opposite. And so
already the person with whom you were in good (friendly, friendly,
just respectful) relationship is perceived by you as a traitor
(although, quite possibly, from his point of view, he is nothing reprehensible
didn't do it). Feeling a sudden deterioration in your attitude towards yourself (and not
it is impossible to feel this, no matter how superobjective you consider yourself),
he, accordingly, also begins (consciously or subconsciously - without
difference) avoid you. Or, worse, try to find out from you
reasons for cooling down (alternatively, you are the first to attempt
explain to him exactly where he "screwed up"). The result is natural: your
relationships are completely spoiled: they become at best
defiantly neutral, at worst - emphatically hostile. But at
In any case, they are NOT friendly, NOT friendly, NOT respectful...
What follows from the above? The conclusion is simple: how much could you
avoid if he initially kept people at a distance ... This is the same
dialectic: if you are emphatically polite to everyone, but at the same time
equally removed from all who make up (or could make up) your
social circle, if you don’t bring them closer to you, you don’t give reasons
to assume that you trust them so much that you can forgive a lot,
then you will not become the object of their manipulations, you will not be disappointed in them, you will not
you will consider yourself (sometimes, by the way, without reason) betrayed by those to whom
you trusted. And this means that your relationship will not deteriorate, they will always
remain even, cool and polite...
It seems to me that this is a completely workable model of human relations (for a work team it is generally ideal: after all, how many troubles happen in
institutions, when employees who have worked together for many years get used to
to each other so much that they feel almost like a single family ... And
then all of a sudden - BAM!!! - any interpersonal or group conflict,
seemingly out of nowhere!)... Keep people at a distance - and they
will be closer to you! Bring them closer to you, start trusting them - and, in
in the end, they will be as far away from you as possible! Like this
dialectics proven by life experience...
Of course, this conclusion does not apply to relatives ... We must trust someone ... After all, we are still people, social animals (in the distant past - herd animals).
These are such interesting thoughts ... By and large, of course,
thoughts are banal, but ... Each individual learns life not by
hints of the ancient Stoics, but in their own skin. So, in some
degree, this banality is justified on a personal level :)))
Can't trust anyone
It is very easy to advise you not to trust anyone in life. I have met people who do just that. All of them are unbalanced, restless, always ready for trouble and, as a rule, even they themselves do not seem particularly worthy of trust.
The fact is that people in life try to pay others with the same that they themselves receive from them. If you can be trusted and relied upon, you will usually get the same from others. Of course, provided that you do not communicate with drug lords, mafiosi and members of underground gangs, although it is possible that one of them is also quite trustworthy. People tend to be nice and prefer to be loved. Therefore, they do not deceive someone's trust without a special reason. Of course, it doesn't always work that way, but that's what everyone strives for.
If you don't give a person a chance to show that they can be trusted, they will be on their guard, and your lack of trust will turn them off. In this case, it is less likely that he will treat you well. So why not assume by default that you can rely on a person and give him the opportunity to live up to your expectations? Trust is a compliment that is pleasant for everyone and encourages you to respond in kind.
Yes, with this approach, you will sometimes experience disappointment, but I guarantee that there will be many more such unpleasant moments if you, by definition, begin to believe that everyone wants to deceive and offend you. Because then people will do that to you.
You may not realize it, but you are the same. If people consider you a trustworthy person, I suppose you will go out of your way to justify such an opinion of you. And if someone does not trust you, then it will become much easier for you to offend him. Sounds familiar?
To live without trusting other people means to drag out a miserable existence. You will never be able to relax, you will always be disappointed and offended by everyone. The need for trust is not so much about whether the other person will live up to your expectations, but about what will happen to you if you become a person who does not trust anyone.
Trust is a wonderful feeling that gives you love and protection, so why deprive yourself of it? It's just crazy.
The joy you feel when someone proves worthy of your trust against all odds is worth a hundred mistakes. I once read in the newspaper about a man who befriended a homeless man, fed him, clothed him, and eventually even found him a job. How many of us are able to trust people so much? However, the former bum turned out to be worthy of such trust and was able to return to normal life. What a great feeling of inner satisfaction must have been experienced by this magnanimous man who unselfishly helped another. In the end, the only way to know if someone is worthy of your trust is to try and see.
Rule 83
trust people
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Trust is the belief that someone will behave in a certain way in business and not behave.
Trust is always someone else's, it is personal, the state of a person's inner world, conditioned by the desire and relationships between people, the readiness to transfer certain rights to another person.
Trust is one of the feelings that can cause a feeling of constant anxiety and alertness due to unpredictable or unexpected actions by the opposite side towards the principal.
Based on the realities of today's World, the feeling that most people cannot be trusted (there is no trust in people) can be considered quite justified and logical.
The development of a sense of distrust in people is often fueled and stimulated by the press, television and the real actions of acquaintances, often even the actions of close relatives.
To date, the feeling of distrust towards people is rarely considered and taken into account during pathopsychological examination by psychotherapists, since at first glance this factor has lost its diagnostic value.
However, the lack of trust in people, which is often experienced by perhaps the entire sane population today, is very significant for a researcher, a psychotherapist. This is a symptom that can talk about really occurring brain processes and provide quite valuable additional information about the true mental state of a person.
The feeling of trust in people can be divided into two categories, these are:
— Conscious trust in people.
- Unconscious trust in people.
Conscious trust or
no trust
To people
It is formed most often in relation to a specific person and is formed through the correlation of facts, objective data about a person whom we usually know for a fairly long period of time, during which the person has shown himself predictably and loyally towards us. This trust or feeling that most people cannot be trusted is based on facts and logical thinking, i.e. shaped by the human mind.
Unconscious trust or
mistrust of people
More than 80% is formed on non-verbal information, associated with non-verbal communication. It is based on the information received and processed by the brain, which is received and transformed by other human feelings. Posture, movements, intonations, clothing, etc. are taken into account. At the same time, “making a decision” about distrusting people does not belong to consciousness, but to the subconscious.
In case of violations of higher nervous activity, mental reactions, this decision may be wrong and often indicates an increase in the level of anxiety.
An example of patients' complaints about the lack of trust in people and their neighbors .
A patient:
Woman, 45, married, adult child, employed. I have never used drugs, alcohol is rare, on holidays it is “purely symbolic”. My husband brought me for a consultation with a psychotherapist. She did not immediately make contact with a psychotherapist, at first she denied the existence of any problems and tried to turn everything into a joke and shift the blame for needless concern on her husband. Gradually agreed to the presence of minor problems and a private conversation with a psychotherapist, separately from her husband. I presented my problem like this:
“It's bad, bad, bad. It's impossible to live. Yes, I do not know myself what I need from her. I don't know why I'm here, I hate everyone, I don't trust anyone, and even more so I don't love anyone. It's impossible to live like that. It all started after I got into a car accident, but nothing serious, just a shock. I closed in on myself, I can’t communicate normally with anyone, everything seems to me that everyone wants to do something bad to me. Even with relatives I find it difficult to find a common language, constantly obsessive thoughts even when everything is fine. There are thoughts that something bad might happen. I'm afraid of everything, I even began to be afraid of people, I don't trust anyone. Without communication, it’s hard for me, but it’s also impossible to communicate normally. And how can I get out of this vicious circle, until I can figure it out myself. I'm afraid that someone will find out about my feelings and thoughts, I don't trust anyone. I try to slowly get rid of my fears myself, but it turns out very badly. From some, I sometimes think that I myself will never be able to get rid of. So embarrassing. That's what is so difficult, it would seem, just go out into the street?
I went to a psychologist, with whom I worked for a long time. At first, I got relief and it even seemed that everything would return to the previous one again. The psychologist spoke about my internal contradictions, that it was a neurosis that had formed in me due to stress after the accident. I believed him, as it became easier for me. But a few months later, when it seemed that everything was already fine, I was so “covered” that I called the psychologist at night and asked to come urgently. Yes, he came, but from that moment on I didn’t feel better one iota. This state plunged me into a state of terrible depression, there were some fears of what I had not thought about before. I don't want to and can't leave the house.
Recently, I often do in defiance of fears, and sometimes it works out well for me, but most often not. Recently, my head began to hurt, as if a hoop was put on and squeezed. I went to a neurologist, did an MRI, which showed nothing. The neurologist prescribed me drugs that made me feel even worse. In addition to the fact that I do not trust people, I have some kind of disregard for everyone, irritability. I stopped taking these medicines. And the last reason why I nevertheless agreed to talk with you is that I began to hear people whispering about me behind my back. I do not understand what is going on".
As I got used to since childhood, you can only trust relatives and close people. As well as friends and good acquaintances. But, apparently, life made me look at the world differently, and today I would like to tell you why you can’t trust anyone at all? And it is not necessary for this to become paranoid and suspect everyone and everything. Everything is much easier.
So, let's imagine an example where you got an informal job, with weekly pay on the basis of the work performed. Of course, the manager is a stranger to you, and you always assume that you may not be paid. Especially if you have not signed any contracts at all.
But if you choose: to work like this or not to work at all, after all, the first option will be much more presentable. And so you agree to this job, a week passes, and you were paid the required amount. From that day on, you start to trust people, and you think that you will always be paid solely on trust. If so, then you've already made a mistake.
If you were not paid, then you will think that you can’t work like that, and from that moment you can start telling everyone you know that people cannot be trusted, and they are all deceivers. This would also not be entirely correct.
In fact, the thing is that despite the past experience, the next time the situation may turn out completely differently, and you must always be ready for this. But you probably know this yourself and probably thought that so far you have not learned anything new for yourself. But the most interesting is yet to come.
Relationships with relatives and loved ones
If the situation with the work is quite clear, where do you meet completely strangers, then with those people whom you know for a long time, the situation will be much more difficult. Since you have a firm trust in these people in your head, you most likely do not admit that you can be betrayed and deceived. This also applies to relationships between a guy and a girl. And all people in general, whoever they are for you.
Why do I think so? Because we can never know for sure whether this or that person knows how to keep secrets. We can only believe in it or assume the development of any events, but we cannot know anything for 100%, because we are not the prophets of Nostradamus and not Vanga's grandmother.
Friends and love relationships, alcohol
Let's say you told your best friend that you love a certain girl, but she shouldn't know about it yet. You firmly believe that a friend will be devoted to you for the rest of his life, and therefore boldly tell him your secrets.
However, events may develop in different ways. One fine day, your friend may have certain problems, apathy, depression, and he will go into a binge. And if he was still angry with you secretly, then, being in a drunken state, he may want to annoy you somehow. Not necessarily he will tell this girl the whole truth, but this option cannot be ruled out either.
In general, if a person is a drinker (no matter what doses he uses), then my opinion here is this - it is generally undesirable for him to tell anything superfluous. Let it be your relative, friend, girlfriend - under the influence of alcohol they become different people. And this must always be remembered in order to avoid negative consequences.
Festive feasts
Surely, you often had to observe how at the holiday all the guests after the first two glasses are very fond of talking from the heart. After they take a little more on their chest, various gossip begins to go about those people who are not at the table now. This is the most convenient time to blather other people's secrets.
After all, a drinking person in a state of alcoholic euphoria believes that what he said will remain within this table, and everyone will quickly forget about it and tell anyone. However, this is also an illusion, and already at another feast, when this narrator is not there, gossip will also go about him. And thus, all the information will be known to a large number of people, even to those who are extremely undesirable to know it.
Can teetotalers be trusted?
You can, but you can't be 100% sure. In addition, there are very few such people in our time.
How not to become paranoid?
You will say that if you don’t trust anyone at all, then you can go crazy and be afraid that your secrets might be spilled. Not at all necessary. If you admit that your secrets can be learned by other people, and they are not (secrets) so secret, feel free to tell them.
There is also a second option. You can assume that everything will be known about you, even what you would not want to tell anyone and never. But can this be allowed? You can, if you understand that the opinions of other people will not change your own life. On the contrary, in this way, you can see which people will then turn away from you, and which, on the contrary, will support you and will not pull you once again for the sick. They are true friends.
In short, that's basically it. Of course, it is possible to analyze in detail all the individual trust factors, but I think this will be superfluous information for now. And I hope that I have clearly explained to you the whole essence of the article, and now you can reconsider your attitude on the topic of trust in people.
And if you are ever betrayed again, it is unlikely that this will be called betrayal. It was you who simply did not allow the development of such events in advance. And ideally, you need to allow any situation in the world at all, and then your life will be much easier. I wish you success!
A person is a social being that lives in society and interacts with various people on a daily basis, entering into certain relationships with them. It's always hard to build relationships with people. Some relationships make a person happy, contribute to his personal and spiritual development, while others cause pain, make him harden and make him unhappy.
Much depends on a person's ability to understand people and on the degree of his trust in others. After all, one person can be kept at a distance, not giving him the opportunity to become closer, and another can be brought closer to the heart and reveal to him the most intimate. Man has to pay dearly for his mistakes. He can be betrayed, deceived, framed, his heart broken, his life broken. Sometimes the most dear and close people whom a person unconditionally trusted can do this. Is it necessary to trust people and who can be trusted?
Who can't be trusted
Truth is the basis of trust, and only on it should people be built. You can not trust people who are prone to deceit. If this lie concerned the person himself and was invented with the aim of somehow preventing him, then the person urgently needs to draw conclusions.
idle talk
Trust also should not be those who do not know how to keep their promises, for whom words are just an empty phrase. Such a person can swear to do something, promise, justify himself, throw beautiful words, but very soon he forgets all his oaths and promises. It must be remembered that it is better to appreciate a person not for his words, but for his actions.
Inadequate people
Unbalanced people who have a very shaky nervous system and are not able to control themselves do not deserve trust. You never know what to expect from someone who at any moment can break loose, become furious, behave inappropriately. People in this state do unthinkable things, so it is advisable to stay as far away from unbalanced personalities as possible.
Envious
The ability to feel people and see their hidden intentions, desires and, most importantly, attitude towards oneself needs to be studied long and hard. People who are prone to envy, those who feel bad when others feel good, do not deserve trust. One who does not know how to be happy for another will always be full of negativity and evil, so you should not get close to such a person. Also not worthy of trust are those people who make mistakes, act dishonestly, unfairly, cruelly, but do not realize what they have done. For example, a person cheated, but does not believe that he acted badly, does not repent.
What kind of people are trustworthy
Still, it is hard to live without trust and it is even harder to communicate with people. without trust, they are so weak that they will burst at the first difficulty in life. Trustworthy are people who always tell the truth, no matter how bitter it may be. You can also trust those who keep their word, who will think a hundred times before making a promise. Such people take their promise seriously and, if they cannot fulfill it, they will not promise anything.
Calm, balanced people who show tact, correctness, and respect for another person are also worthy of trust. You can also trust those who sincerely wish a person well, rejoice in his victories and achievements, as if they were their own. Trustworthy are those people who are constantly improving, working on their shortcomings, realizing their mistakes and trying to correct them.
Confidence is not born by itself, it becomes a consequence of human words, deeds, attitudes. Learn to trust it is difficult for others, but it is necessary to do it in order to become a happy person.
