". It tells about a world in which no one knew how to lie. Once, something broke in the brain of one inhabitant of this world, and he uttered the first lie. In order not to spoil the impression of the film, I will not tell you further and I advise you to watch it to find out how our world could look like without lies.

And since in the real world there are more than enough lies and deceit, here are a few ways to deal with them and bring the person you do not trust to clean water.

Observe a person in a critical situation

When a person has to act in a critical situation, he cannot dissemble or play. He doesn't have the ability to use masks and will most certainly act as his instincts dictate.

People who have been offended by life, most often break down on the attendants. Waiters, cleaners, salespeople - they all get it. If a person whistles or snaps his fingers to the waiter, this is the first sign that your interlocutor is an idiot.

Watch your body language and intonation

It's easy to find. Liars can be recognized by several signs:

1. Pauses in conversation.
2. Averting eyes when answering a question.
3. Change of topic of conversation.
4. They make excuses even when you don't blame them.
5. Often touching the face.

Of course, you should not overdo it and follow every gesture of the interlocutor. But sometimes this little cheat sheet helps bring to light.

Gossip about mutual friends

We love gossip more or less. And, unfortunately, we often do not know the measures in them. Gossiping about common acquaintances, you will see with your own eyes how much crap can pour out of a seemingly good person.

Lend or borrow money

And although we have already talked about what is the last thing you should think about, but by borrowing or lending money to a person, you can learn a lot about him.

Take a trip together

extreme way. If you are already thinking about how to bring a person to clean water, then going on a trip with him is not the best idea. But, after spending some time alone, you will see all his cockroaches.

Tell a secret

By telling a secret, you test a person's ability to keep secrets. If you don't trust him, you can tell a trifling secret or made-up secret, just to see if he runs to retell it further.

Have there been situations in your life when you needed to understand what a person really is? How did you do?

Publication date: 21.08.2012

Question from: Nataliya

I feel like I'm a bad person.
I am very lonely, but I myself move away from all living things. I want to be understood, but I'm afraid that anyone who can see me will recoil with contempt. It's selfish, I guess. I am ashamed of myself.
As a child, I was a lesbian. My friend and I imagined that the other of us was a guy and touched each other. I'm not interested in girls, but I've never had a boyfriend. I am ashamed to admit this to someone and I'm lying; this makes me feel even worse.
I feel like I'm perverted. I watch hard sex and it brings me pleasure. But I don't like the idea that the same thing happens in real life; I don't want someone to rape me or someone else. Maybe I like watching this because my father beat my mother? But in fact, he is good and smart, just his mother brings him up. For this I do not respect her, and it seems to me that I do not like her. This is very bad; I think that when I lost respect for my mother, I lost some respect for myself. I would like our relationship to be different, but I can't help it.
I dreamed that my sister was raped, I felt guilt and grief; I didn't want to live from it. I love my sister very much; I think that this dream expresses my guilt for my thoughts and desires.
This feeling of shame prevents me from living and communicating normally with people. What should I do?
Maybe people like me shouldn't exist? I feel inadequate, abnormal. Because of this, I spend a lot of time on my own. I make up stories while listening to music and wandering around the room, tossing something in my hands. I spend a lot of time like this. I could be doing something useful, otherwise I'm just wasting myself. I always try to avoid contact with people, but I want to communicate with someone. What should I do?

Replied recently:

Answers: Filonik Tatiana Anatolyenva | 22.08.2012 09:45

Natalia, your story causes a lot of sympathy and desire to help you. And there certainly does not even arise the thought of convicting you of perversion, abnormality and "with contempt to recoil." What you describe is not a disease, not a stigma, but simply the result of your reaction to certain traumatic events in your life. Believe me, many people have the same thoughts and fantasies as you. The only question is how to deal with it - you can understand that these are just fantasies and enjoy it, or you can shame and blame yourself to the point of depression. On the basis of what has been written, only a few assumptions can be made, but it will be possible to confirm or refute them only with your help. For example, based on your dream and some other moments you described, I can assume that in fact you yourself have a lot of restrained aggression, which you do not allow to manifest for some reason.
It is difficult to give you specific recommendations here, because the only way to solve a problem is to determine its cause and work on its elimination. And for this you need personal meetings with a psychologist and mutual work. Therefore, if there is a desire to change something in yourself and your life, I still recommend entrusting your difficulties to a specialist.

Answers: Lizyaev Petr Yurievich | 22.08.2012 09:48

Natalia, you have a lot of internal conflicts in your soul, and in order to deal with them, you need someone to be nearby and be able to help and support your "search for yourself".
It seems to me that you are very reasonable and sensible, and I sympathize with the loneliness in which you feel yourself. But it seems that in many ways you "self-incriminate" yourself - probably this is a kind of attempt to "punish yourself" for something that you perceive to be wrong. I can assume that much is "tied" to your "internal conflict" in relation to your mother. The main thing is not to close yourself, there is a way out, the situation from a psychoanalytic point of view is quite understandable. Unfortunately, there is a very inconvenient interface for writing messages - and it is impossible to edit the typed text ... :(

Answers: Akimenko Yury Fedorovich | 22.08.2012 10:03

Natalya, I would start with the fact that, with the help of a specialist, I worked through traumatic situations from the past, reacting to negative emotions. Then I would look at myself from the outside, remembering that each person is diverse and unique. It is important to remember that negative thoughts and self-flagellation are unlikely to be beneficial, so you need to develop, determine your life goals in your personal life, work, relationships and ways to achieve them. Take responsibility for your life and realize your personal potential - every person has it. If you feel like you need help, get in touch. P.S. On my blog there is an article on overcoming the crisis.

I am a bad man. Why is this happening?

May 20, 2016 - No comments

Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad person. Although in fact there is no more accurate and diligent person than me. Rather, you can call me a perfectionist, but you can’t say that I’m a bad person. Most often I try to be really good, to do everything very accurately and correctly - perfectly well.

But the world is somehow arranged in such a way that all attempts to be good end up being considered a bad person. It is clear that no one tells me this openly. But I can see how disappointed the boss purses his lips if I say that I can’t stay after work, since today it’s my turn to pick up the child from kindergarten. In these moments, I am the worst person for him.

How can you do it without offending anyone? If often different people ask me for completely opposite things, then willy-nilly for someone you will turn out to be a bad person.

Am I becoming a bad person or have I always been like this?

Vaughn friend Vaska asks to tell his wife that we were fishing together. Friend indeed! How not to help? But she is his legal wife, and Vaska should not hide incomprehensible trips to no one knows where under the guise of fishing. How can you ask me to lie? After all, in this case, I become a bad person. And betraying a friend is also not good.

Worst of all, people around me obviously think I'm a very bad person. After all, if my friend Vaska did not consider me capable of lying, he would never have asked me for such “help”. And Vaska is sorry, he keeps telling how touchy his wife is, and how she does not want to understand him.

And I also feel sorry for Vaskin's wife - a very decent woman. There is no way you can cheat on her. It turns out that in any case I will be a bad person.

In fact, people are different from each other. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan identifies eight vectors. A vector is an innate set of desires and properties of the psyche that influences behavioral scenarios and even external signs inherent in a particular person.

For example, I am a carrier of the anal vector - a very reliable and honest person. I never deceive anyone. I try very hard to be good and behave in such a way that no one can say that I am a bad person.

I am distinguished by special diligence and perseverance. Special care with which I separate clean and dirty, white and black, truth and lies. It just doesn't work with kindness. I'm just a man of extremes: if you stand - only to death. And life very often sets tasks in which it is necessary to show flexibility, even opportunism somewhere. And then I just fall into a stupor. After all, the opportunist is the worst person in the world.

And I just want to be good for everyone. A very simple desire to be right, to be worthy, so that people would not be ashamed. So that everyone respects and immediately understands: I'm good. I'm not some flimsy and slippery type. A bad person is not about me.

I was given the idea that I am a very bad person.

True, there is another very difficult situation in which I, the owner of the anal vector, myself admit and even am sure that I am a bad person. This is an age-old conflict between generations.

So far, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan has not yet become a daily obligatory subject for study by all parents. Therefore, it often happens that parents, not knowing, not understanding who their child is in terms of vectors, behave erroneously towards the baby. A well-meaning, fast and demanding mommy with a skin vector will push me around all the time. Because relative to her, I am a slower (read: bad) person.

For me, a diligent and assiduous owner of the anal vector, such requirements introduce enormous stress, and therefore into a complete stupor. And my beloved mom tries to stir me up even more. And it's only getting worse every day. I try really hard, but I just can't seem to be faster. Terribly embarrassing.

But mommy can't be bad. This is my beloved, only mother. So this is how I am, am I becoming a bad person? Thus, my subconscious justifies the actions of the parents, shifting all the blame on me. And now I'm to blame for my mother. I'm sure I'm a bad person. And I can not live from this realization. After all, in fact, all my desires, all my actions are aimed only at being good.

What can I do to stop feeling like a bad person?

If you realize the mechanisms of those situations that lead to the accumulation of stress. If we begin to understand why we act the way we do. And why exactly such thoughts are born in my head - that I am a very bad person. That makes life much easier.

To answer this question, one should remember one simple truth: people are not divided into good and bad in principle. We are led to this axiom (may mathematicians allow the despicable humanist to use this term), for example, films with a non-trivial plot, where a negative character suddenly suddenly removes a cat from a tree, and the audience is like: “Wow, he’s not so bad after all.”

Man is an infinitely complex being (although such a statement goes against the observation that most of us operate in the same pattern). Our psyche has not been fully studied, and perhaps not even a third, in other words, we are woven from contradictions. However, of course, no one canceled the presence of various declassified elements with a carload of mental deviations. Let's take a typical and, perhaps, the most obvious example - Chikatilo. That's definitely a "bad man". That's just, if you delve well into his biography, you can shed a tear. Chikatilo had a difficult childhood, no less difficult youth (generally considered the best years of life, for a second). Well, who could become of him? Thus, ruthless sodomy is balanced by deep childhood traumas that irreversibly deformed the state of mind of the offender. So you can justify ANY repeat offender on this planet. Any madness has its own logic. And this means that under no circumstances can we categorically stigmatize a person as bad.

Consider the opposite example - people are God's dandelions, sinless specimens of our society. Have you noticed at least once in yourself such a state when a person, cute right up to nausea, actually causes this nausea, generally provokes more negative perception? Why does it happen? Most often, because such people want to please everyone at once and resort to various tricks such as a fake smile, helpfulness, "lying in the name of good" and so on. After all, this is also some kind of wrong behavior that does not fit into the description of a "good person."

A big role in choosing the pattern of one's behavior is played by the goal pursued by a person. Let me quote the "no longer so unambiguously bad" Hitler: "If you want to win the love of the masses, say the most ridiculous and rude things to them." Absurd, isn't it? Not at all, rather, such dysphemism should be replaced with a word with a more neutral connotation - a paradox. A paradox that really works. Simply put, you are bad, but because of this, people think that you are good. Yes, this happens too.

And who is, in general, a good person, and who is a bad person? We will start from following moral values. What are moral values? According to our friend Google, "this is a system of human worldview, containing an assessment of everything that exists from the standpoint of good and evil, an understanding of happiness, justice and love, which makes it possible to establish a connection between a person's act and the generally accepted system of social values." But after all, good and evil do not have a clear definition, as well as happiness, justice, love, and social values ​​are, in general, a very controversial unit.