How often, in order to understand whether it is worth communicating with a particular person, just a few minutes are enough! And let them say that very often it is the initial communication that helps us determine our attitude towards the person that we see in front of us.
and deeds
In most cases, a good person is someone who helps the people around him. But here the question arises of whether he really does everything from the bottom of his heart, or simply benefits for himself by helping others. Just as an option, such a person can help people so that everyone considers him good and kind.
One can say with absolute certainty that a good person is one who is unfamiliar with such feelings as envy, anger and hatred. Even if someone does something bad to him, he will not hold a grudge, and even more so he will not take revenge.
It is also worth noting the fact that for a good person, all the people around him are also positive. He will never judge anyone, even if someone's behavior is not entirely acceptable. In addition, he clearly developed a sense of respect for others.
Arrogance
And, of course, a good person never puts himself above someone else. He has absolutely no sense of superiority over others. Also, he will never, under any circumstances, try to remake another person. After all, people are not perfect, and, therefore, it makes no sense to remake them, they can simply point out some mistakes they have made.
It is these views that just a good person adheres to, he respects the people around him and the world around him as a whole. For such people, there is no division into worthy and unprofitable creatures, they equally value not only representatives of their own kind, but also our smaller brothers. They also respect the world around them and the creatures that live in it. After all, our world is far from ideal: let's say it contains bacteria that are harmful. The role of such peculiar "bacteria" can be played by bad people, who, in turn, poison the lives of other individuals.
Is it worth it to be good
It goes without saying that this issue is of concern to many. Especially in our modern world, where evil and injustice reign everywhere. Sometimes you have to think that being a bad person is much easier than being a good one. It is this statement that pushes many people to not quite the right things. All this is due to the fact that a thought comes into a person’s head: even if he does something good, he is unlikely to be able to change the world for the better. But if you think about it, it becomes clear: when one does good, others will surely follow his example.
How to be a good person
It is unlikely that there is a specific scheme and step-by-step instructions, but there are still some recommendations that will help you become a little better.
The first thing to do is to start thinking like a good person. But how to come to this? You need to understand that all thoughts and thoughts should be directed towards good. No need to look back and think about what you were, you need to go forward and think about how you change every day for the better. In fact, the human mind controls all areas of an individual's life.
In order to become a really good person, you need to follow the changes that are taking place in the world around you. It is necessary to think about how people react to certain events, what outputs they see from them, what participation they take in this or that action. Again, you need to keep in mind that each individual has his own, purely personal point of view on everything that happens. And, as a matter of course, it is important to accept other people's opinions. Only with this approach can you improve the world around you, as well as know yourself.
Proper breathing
Very often we forget about such an important thing as breathing. But it is with its help that you can radically change your attitude to a particular situation. For example, in a state of anger, you need to take three deep enough breaths for this feeling to subside. Yes, it is three deep breaths that can save the situation and put it on track. After such a peculiar exercise, you will notice how gradually the anger begins to decrease, and you no longer want to be angry at all. It is necessary to remember one very simple, but such a useful rule: all decisions must be made not in a state of anger, every word and action must be comprehended and considered. You simply must understand that in an excited state it is unlikely that you will be able to make the right decision and soberly assess the situation. Very often, when you want to express your negative emotions, which, like a snowball, quickly rolled over you, you can take a deep breath and try to calm down, take a breath, so to speak.
Humane deeds
In fact, in order to be a good person, you can do a lot of things. Even in our modern and so cruel world. For example, you take out the garbage every day, and there probably are leftovers from your dinner. So, give them to the poor, and don't throw them away. Once on the bus, give way to someone who is really difficult to stand in transport. And, in the end, walking down the street, just smile at a passerby. Believe me, such simple actions will eventually lead to the fact that you will not only bring a little good to the existence of the people around you, but you will be able to decorate your own life.
Communication analysis
How to understand that In fact, this question can hardly be answered unambiguously. Although many will say with confidence that it takes time to determine what kind of person is good. After all, as we have already said, people can do positive things based on their personal needs, and not because of the kindness of the heart. It is for this reason that in order to understand whether this or that person is really good, you need to take a closer look at him. If his kindness is really selfless, and he helps people for a long period of time, then such a person can be considered good. It is also worth paying attention to the phrases during the conversation. Judgment, anger and envy are qualities that are not inherent in a good person.
In conclusion, I would like to say that no matter how cruel our modern world is, we still want to believe that there are still more good people in the world than bad ones. And if everyone on the planet Earth will at least sometimes do good, then our world will certainly become better.
"Two girls, Tanya and Masha, studied in the same class. Tanya really liked Machine Mom, she never saw her scream at her or scold her, she always smiled and addressed her very affectionately. Often Tanya told her mother about what a wonderful mother "I wish you were the same, mommy," Tanya said dreamily, but her mother only looked sadly at her. One day, Tanya decided to visit Masha. Going to the door of their apartment, Tanya heard a loud cry from her friend and even more a loud scream... of her mother. I can’t see you "... Tanya, dumbfounded, realized that now was not the right time for visits and hurried home. All the way she thought about what she had heard, different feelings enveloped her. When she came home and saw her mother, carefully and patiently folding her clean things into the closet, Tanya cried and threw herself on her mother's neck. "Mommy, I love you so much, you are the most wonderful, there is no better you in the world."
This was just a preface. And I will not talk here about children's idealizations, this is a big separate topic, maybe I will write another article about it. I would like to tell you my observations on the topic of the destruction of ideals. By the nature of my activity and by a favorable combination of circumstances, for two years I conducted a study of this issue. I will not go into the details of the details of my research, I would rather talk about what I managed to find out.
It often happens that a person, a man or a woman, whom we considered a good person for quite a long time, suddenly becomes a bad person for us. Those who have had similar experiences with people must have wondered - how could this happen?
Real life example #1.
My mother is a wonderful sociable woman. She has a lot of acquaintances and girlfriends, all her life she has been in the public eye, engaged in social activities and deservedly reaping the fruits of her talents.
In recent years, I discovered a rather strange tendency in my mother - every time she was disappointed in some regular friend. No, she had no less friends from this, and even those who disappointed her, she very well-mannered and tactfully continued to maintain relations, but without the former fuse. At first she was disappointed in her friend Svetlana ( fictitious name), although not so long ago she admired her character, communication style, the way she sings (and my mother herself sings as a singer and plays the piano), well, literally everyone. And then suddenly she began to speak coldly about her, motivating her by the fact that Svetlana showed herself in some and more than one situation not from the best side. At the same time, my mother said, "Here, for example, Lucy (another friend) would never have done this, this is a completely different person" and continued to paint the wonderful and unique Lucy. Time passed and suddenly, during our next sincere conversation, I noticed that now my mother speaks very coolly about Luce, and for the same reasons. But this time, a certain Galina was put in comparison with Lucy, who, well, is just a wonderful person who "would never have done that."
What actually happened? Why did mom suffer one disappointment after another? Everything is very simple. My mother had an acute idealization of people. Due to her inner desire to see only good in other people, she in every possible way admired and admired their positive qualities, making them either half-God, or half-angel, while completely forgetting that they are people, and they have also disadvantages. But these people were, are and will be as they are, they really did not change. They lived and behaved in their natural image. But as soon as one of them showed his shortcomings, this did not coincide with the ideal image created by my mother, and, of course, her ideals were destroyed. That is why, in her understanding, a "previously good" person turned into a "bad" one. My mother is smart, it only took me a few conversations with her on this subject to make her understand that she herself was the cause of her disappointments. Now she is working a lot on this topic and has achieved quite good results.
Real life example #2.
I can not ignore the Internet community. For example, crowded forums or blogs. Very often (not always, of course) new registrants first look around in a new place, read a lot, try to maintain a neutral position in relation to everything and everyone. They refrain from criticism or any manifestation of their negative emotions or qualities for fear that they will be rejected on this interesting and friendly resource, where they at least take root and become their own. They write a lot of good words, which, however, is not necessarily hypocrisy, because they also have good qualities. They support others, give useful advice, thank everyone who gives them signs of attention and gradually get closer to a large number of people from the "old" generation of resource users. Those, in turn, tired of the same opponents in debates and verbal fights, and simply “out of love for fresh meat”, begin to look for an opportunity in newcomers to bring a fresh stream into their everyday virtual life and also try in every possible way to support them, give the right tips, even defend in front of other users. And very often (believe me, this has been noticed on many resources), "old men" begin to see in newcomers what they do not see in old men like themselves. Of course, they have already become quite boring and have shown themselves, but here you are - such wonderful, kind, friendly, responsive, with a share of mind, well, just a feast for the eyes. And the "oldies", rejoicing, rush to friend the newcomers, court them, introduce them into their close circle of associates in a virtual cell. And everything is fine. But only until the moment when the "newbie", having gained experience and courage, finally decides to show all aspects of his versatile nature and tries to express his opinion. As soon as such an opinion does not coincide with the opinion of the friend who idealizes him, the destruction of the ideal occurs. Are you familiar with such a situation? Yes, for me. During the research, I had to play both the role of the "ideal" and the role of the idealizing one. I just needed to understand and test my assumptions from the inside.
Now I think it's time to give some advice to avoid such destruction of ideals and idealization in general, it will make your life much easier.
1. Avoid comparisons.
If you have a new girlfriend or work colleague, try not to compare her with other girlfriends or co-workers. The "new one" will always be in a winning position, if only because it has not yet been studied by you and is a mystery. Just don't compare, you don't know her enough for that.
2. The good in your friends.
If you have friends with whom you have been friends for a long time and have already studied them up and down, take 15 minutes once a week to think about their positive qualities. You are familiar with all their advantages and disadvantages, you know it and they know it. However, thinking about what is good in them enhances these qualities in your eyes and thereby saves you from the need to idealize other people.
3. All together.
If you have a new girlfriend, don't be afraid to spend time with her, but also in the company of your old girlfriends. Invite her to join you and your girlfriends at any convenient time. "Seclusion" with a new girlfriend is very pushing for her idealization.
4. Appreciate what is.
Sometimes it happens that someone tells you about a wonderful friend or a charming boyfriend, and you involuntarily begin to imagine "how nice it would be to have the same girlfriend or boyfriend." Get rid of these thoughts, you already have what you need at the moment. If you appreciate what you have, you will definitely get something else. The main thing is not to stick to any particular picture. drawn by your inner desire to get the ideal.
5. Look for the reason in yourself.
Surely you have heard this expression more than once and it is really very correct. If you have already found yourself in a situation where "a good person from your environment suddenly became bad" - think about it and look for answers in yourself. Man himself is a combination of pluses and minuses. If earlier you did not want to notice its disadvantages, then find the reason for this reluctance of yours, why did you do it? What were you trying to see? What was your need? Self-analysis of the situation and reflection on your thoughts, actions and attitude towards your "ideal" will save you from the rash decision to break off all contact with him. After all, it's not about him, it's about you.
And finally, let's remember that there are no ideal people in the world. Therefore, the faster you get rid of dreams of ideal girlfriends, colleagues, husbands, parents, etc. the more clearly you will see the good in those around you.
By your numerous requests, we are opening a new section "Questions to the Foreteller". Many often send various questions to the group administrators addressed to the Foreteller Michael, whose forecasts we regularly publish. We have forwarded your questions to him, and will publish the answers to the most interesting of them. Questions to which you would like to receive an answer, send me a PM, and also duplicate the antex administrator. We will send them to Mikhail, and we will publish the answers in our group!
Sincerely, Roxana Bessonova.
Question: Why is it good for some and bad for others?
Michael: I think that such an opinion is purely subjective. I have never met a person who is doing well, and I have never met a person who is not doing well. And it does not matter what level of prosperity a person has: he is rich or low-income; it doesn't matter if he studies or works; also it does not depend on his religious and political or other preferences. Many people prefer not to bring their problems to the public, sharing their problems with others - that's why many people think that they have no problems. But you haven't been to their home, you haven't lived their life, and you don't know what's in their souls. Perhaps it is much more difficult for an outwardly “problemless” person than for you. And most likely, this is true: the one who told others about his problems saved himself some of the aggravating emotional burden, and the one who, in your opinion, has no problems, wears it inside.
Many begin to clearly understand the philosophy of the concept of "good-bad" by studying Tarot cards, in particular the tenth major Arcana "Wheel of Fortune", also called the "Wheel of Fate". Meditating on his image, one can understand the essence of things happening in the world. There are moments in life when we are at the "top" - during this period things are going as well as possible, a person has time everywhere, money seems to go into their own hands, there is no end to fans and admirers, the mood is completely positive, internal energy is in full swing. But time passes, and the situation begins to change: financial difficulties begin, quarrels with others, and the mood, as they say, is nowhere lower. Obstacles appear in life, energy levels drop, apathy and a lack of desire to do anything appear. But time passes again - life begins to improve, new goals, new interests and desires appear.
I am sure that even despite the philosophy of the Tarot and various religious and esoteric movements, everyone can, after analyzing their past, find bright and unforgettable positive moments in it, remembering which a smile involuntarily appears on the lips and the heart beats differently; and of course, everyone will easily remember those moments that cause him discomfort, some unpleasant memories. Therefore, you should not think that only you personally have problems and that there are people who have no problems. Everyone has problems, and everyone is different.
There is an old parable on this topic, which many have heard, but which is often forgotten. It has a number of different interpretations, here is one of them:
One person seemed to have a very hard life. Therefore, he once turned to God, told about his problems and asked Him: "Can I choose a different cross for myself?" God looked at the man with a smile, led him into the vault, where there were crosses, and said: "Choose what you want." A man entered the vault of destinies, looked around and was surprised - there are no crosses here: small, large, medium, heavy, and light. This man walked for a long time, looking for the smallest and lightest cross, and finally found it. Took it, walked up to God and said, "Can I have this one?" "You can," God replied with a smile. "This is your own cross."
Therefore, never judge a person's problems and their degree of importance without knowing the details and nuances. The best thing you can do is solve your own problems and help others. And if you are ready to solve your problems, but do not know how to do it and where to start -
Everyone explains it in their own way. Some put the blame on a coincidence, others on fate, and still others on their own laziness. And what do the experts say? Read about it below.
Why does a person think about the injustice of life?
People rarely rate happiness based on how they feel. They tend to look at neighbors and friends. After all, even in childhood, parents lay in a person the ability to evaluate their successes with an eye on others. If a son brings home a B, his mother doesn't tell him that he's done well, she finds out what grades her classmates got. And praise will fall from her lips in the event that most of her child's schoolmates received triples. Growing up, a person continues to evaluate himself in relation to others. If the neighbor's salary is higher, the children study better, and the car is of a more prestigious brand, the question involuntarily arises: why is life unfair? Despite the fact that a person is doing well, he has housing, food and a loving family, if someone else lives better, the feeling of happiness does not come.
But the injustice of life can be assessed in different ways. It happens that a person is really unlucky. For example, there is a flood that floods the house. No one is to blame for this, but still, for some reason, fate deprived of housing not all people on the planet, but only 100 or 200 people. In such a situation, thoughts of injustice themselves climb into the head.
Why do people blame circumstances?
But natural disasters are rare. So why is life's injustice usually blamed on circumstances? A person is late for an important meeting or for a flight, curses transport, traffic jams, but not himself. After all, he left on time, why now have to be late? Few people in this situation think about the fact that it was possible to play it safe and leave the house half an hour early. It is much easier to explain to yourself the injustice of life by the fact that fate is plotting. But for some reason, not everyone falls into the trap of failure. Or maybe everything, but some people are not inclined to share their mistakes. There are certain natures that are always dissatisfied with something. But here you need to think not about the fact that fate is such an unfaithful friend, but about what exactly the person is doing wrong.
Why don't people always do what we want?
This question torments many. But if you sit down and think, you can come to the conclusion that each person grew up in different conditions, some certain set of moral norms was laid in him. It seems that everywhere the rules of etiquette and good manners are the same, so why do some people follow them, while others neglect them? The thing is, everyone has different values in life. Someone can commit meanness and betrayal, but someone is simply not capable of it. How can you tell a good person from a bad one? Nothing, just trial and error. Some people have a question: why is life unfair and brings me all the time with bad people? The fact is that a person himself forms his own. And if he does not like some kind of personality, he understands somewhere in his soul that this person has opposite views on life. It makes no sense to re-educate people, it's easier to just stop communicating with them. But what if a misunderstanding arises with loved ones, for example, with parents, brothers or sisters? Of course, you shouldn't get rid of them. You have to accept them for who they are. After all, it is precisely for the uniqueness that they are dear to you. And the fact that their actions sometimes run counter to your logic, you just need to accept.
Why does injustice happen to good people?
Life is an interesting thing. Sometimes it can really surprise a person. For example, why is life unfair to good people? The fact is that we can not always predict the logic of the behavior of others. Therefore, you need to accept the fact that all people are different. Some of them are ungrateful and cruel. They may not want to be like that, they just can't exist otherwise. And since each person looks at life from his own position, it is easy to understand that vile people expect meanness from others. Therefore, when a good deed is done for them, they simply do not believe in it. They do not thank, because they think that there is a malicious intent hidden somewhere. And good people are surprised.
Imagine the following situation: a good person decided to help the wipers and cleared a few spaces in the parking lot. Of course, he planned to put his car there in the future. But in fact, it turned out that a well-cleaned place is taken first. Moreover, those people who in their life did not hold shovels in their hands park there. We can say that life is unfair to a good person, but is it? No. It’s just that not all people know that it’s not the janitors who clean the parking lot, but kind-hearted neighbors. Therefore, answering the question why life is unfair to kind people, we can say that good should be done by those citizens who will appreciate it. And what now, not to do noble deeds? Well, of course, they need to be done, but you should not expect gratitude every time.
Does fate punish bad people?
Many people, thinking about the question of why life is so unfair and cruel, think that this is a punishment for sins. But really, does fate punish a person for his actions? There is no definite answer to this question. Some would like to believe so. Therefore, every time some kind of injustice occurs, a person begins to sort out in his head all his latest sins. And that's not bad. After all, next time he will not commit a bad deed, as he will be afraid of punishment. Some call it the Lord's providence.
There are those people who do not believe in God and despise mysticism, they believe that bad deeds can be done free of charge. But it is worth considering how such a person lives. His circle of friends is very narrow, if at all. After all, people are not inclined to communicate with those who do meanness, especially in relation to themselves. Therefore, bad people live hard, but this is not a life injustice, but the result of mistakes that are made many times.
Expert opinion
What do psychotherapists say? They believe that injustice does not exist. And here you should not delve into philosophy and say that the world and all the problems that exist in it are illusory, that is, they are human fantasy. If a person says: "What to do? Life is unfair," the specialist instantly sees that the client sitting in front of him has hidden complexes and low self-esteem. If a person is pursued by failures, it means that she is unassembled, irresponsible and lazy. Why don't successful people see life as unfair? Because every day they make every possible effort to improve their existence.
How should a specialist explain to a person what injustice in life is and how to correct it? You need to find out in which area luck bypasses a person, and then find the root of unhappiness. After all, no effect is complete without a cause.
Laziness is the cause of all misfortune
Is life unfair or is it not? The second option is correct. If life were unfair, then it would treat all people this way, not just the "chosen ones." But after all, not the entire population of the earth suffers from injustice, but only a part. Why are some problems avoided? Yes, because they know how to deal with them. Overcoming difficulties is difficult, and for some even impossible. It is with such a weak spirit that it seems to people that life is unfair. Although it is not life that prevents them from succeeding, but laziness. She is the cause of many problems. A person can lie on the couch and complain that neither fame, nor wealth, nor success comes to him. To achieve all this, you need to work hard, be inquisitive and active. After all, it is people who have these qualities who do not complain about life's injustice.
Should we take justice into our own hands?
"Why is life like this? Not fair, but cruel?" - complains a man who was unfairly offended. And what will he do after these words? Well, he certainly will not calm down, but, most likely, he will begin to take revenge. People tend not to believe in fate and that it punishes the guilty. It is easier for a person to take on the role of conducting. Revenge is bad, and everyone knows it, but sometimes you just can't resist the temptation. Many are pleased to see the face of their victim, who until recently so rudely mocked. Often guys take revenge on their ex-girlfriends, who gave them a resignation. Needless to say, in this way they lighten the soul. Is it necessary? No. You can’t return the past, and having done it, it’s impossible to restore justice in the world. Bad behavior poisons the soul of the avenger, and then the conscience will not let you sleep at night. Whether it is necessary to endure this because you tried to restore justice, everyone decides for himself.
How to deal with circumstances
Why is life so unfair? Because people take it too seriously. If the circumstances cannot be changed, then the attitude towards them should be changed. But this is easier said than done. For example, it is difficult to rejoice at the successes of your neighbor when you yourself do not have any achievements. In all situations, you need to look for the positive moment. If someone you know has been successful, then you have a unique opportunity to ask for a shortcut to happiness. People are happy to talk about their path to success, so they can warn you against many pitfalls. If you learn from any situation, good or bad, to extract not emotions, but experience, you can learn a lot, and then life will definitely not seem unfair.
Does visualization help attract happiness?
Many do not understand why life is unfair to good people. The easiest way is to shift the responsibility for everything that happens to fate. Moreover, television constantly adds fuel to the fire. They broadcast from the screens that if every day in the morning and in the evening you imagine what you want to receive, then your thoughts will surely materialize. And people sincerely believe it. They sit at home and wait for success, financial well-being and a loved one to come into life by themselves. But that only happens in fairy tales. Of course, the fact of self-hypnosis works well, but only in the case when a person sets a goal, clearly imagines it and goes towards it without losing his course. In this case, it will be difficult to blame life for injustice, you will have to take responsibility for your actions, but even if you are lucky, you can be proud of yourself, and not the lucky star that shines above you.
life planning
If it’s not worth visualizing, then maybe you shouldn’t set any goals for yourself? Of course not. Goals are needed, both long-term and short-term. What do they give? Understanding what exactly a person wants to achieve. It is best to make a list of such goals and print it out. Having achieved one of them, you can cross it out with a colored marker. And the next time you feel like life isn't fair, just go back to the list and see what you've accomplished so far. Such an exercise not only raises self-esteem, but also allows you to compete with yourself, and not with a neighbor or friend. You can start a good tradition: write plans every year. And after three years, you will be able to make sure that everything is not so bad.
What needs to be done to make life fair
- Change your lifestyle. You should stop seeing only the bad side of problems. It is necessary to find a good one in contrast to it.
- Stop wondering why life is unfair to good people.
- Raise your self-esteem. When a person feels confident, he believes that he will succeed.
- Stop blaming circumstances for all failures, learn to take responsibility for your actions.
- To do good deeds for the sake of the deeds themselves, and not for the sake of reward or praise.
