Hello! I am writing because I am in a difficult situation. My mom has been drinking for 3 years. She is a young beautiful woman of noble blood. The thing is, my dad died 3 years ago. He died a painful death in intensive care. Doctors could not save him and the cause of his death is also alcohol, or rather cirrhosis of the liver. He died at the age of 41. He drank as much as I remember, but at the same time he was always a successful person, he headed institutions and banks. Didn't leave us in poverty. Everything is in abundance.
Mom probably spent the last 15 years on his treatment for various addictions. Fought with his rampage. We traveled together all the institutions where this assistance is provided: clinics, psychotherapists and all kinds of hospitals within and within Kazakhstan. She didn't leave him, even when he started using heroin. She buried him with dignity, but she could not bury the pain of loss.
She started drinking during his lifetime. Drink a hundred grams and sleep quietly. After death, the dose of alcohol, or rather vodka, increased three times per dose. Moreover, in the last six months, she can drink in broad daylight. I plead, I beg, I yell at her. Nothing affects her. She can't stop drinking. She has already begun to have memory lapses and she hardly leaves the house. There is no need to earn watts and therefore she is always in bed with the curtains closed.
I used to think that this would pass. She just needs to give it time. But 3 years later, I was scared. And I'm afraid she'll end up like a father. Help.

Psychologists Answers

Hello Assel! I sympathize with your feelings about your mother's condition. She really needs help. To find a way to change the situation, you yourself need to seek support from a specialist. Your fears now prevent you from establishing that dialogue with her, which can begin to bring her into contact with you and with other people. How old are you? Whether you have an opportunity independently to address to the psychologist? Ready to be of service to you. Regards, Tatiana.

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Hello Assel!
I am afraid that my mother will be able to get out of this state only when she herself wants it. You have already tried to influence her in various ways, but there is no result. I understand your concern for your mother, but I think that the best thing in this situation would be if you turn to a psychologist for the time being, at least you yourself. You now need support to somehow cope with this situation.
Svetlana.

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Hello Assel! Unfortunately, what is happening with your mother now will not go away on its own. Need her wanted be treated.

Using the example of dad, you saw that you can go through all the doctors and try all the ways, but if a person does not want to get rid of addiction, nothing will help. It's a pity, but it's true.

There is another important moment in the history of your father's struggle for sobriety - your mother broke down, became addicted herself, while trying to get him out of alcoholism and drug addiction against his will. Now history may repeat itself. Only in the place of your mother can you be.

Asel, addiction is contagious. Those who live with an alcoholic or drug addict for more than three years become addicted or co-dependent themselves. You are already in anxiety and fear for your mother. Now, so that these feelings do not make you, in turn, seek solace in alcohol, the help of psychologists necessarily you need.

In order for your personal life to develop, you also need the help of psychologists. The fact is that the children of alcoholics themselves, not wanting it, nevertheless, choose themselves as the spouses of the same addicts. And repeat the fate of their parents.

Assel, You have one advantage, you wrote that you are not constrained in the means. This is very important because you may need long-term psychotherapy. Consult a psychologist for your future!

And, perhaps, when you receive support from a psychologist, go through a rehabilitation course, your mother will also think about the need to stop drinking. No persuasion, no tears, no scandals, but the personal example of other family members, when they get rid of their addiction or codependency, makes the alcoholic understand that he also needs treatment.

Asel, also look for literature on codependency and dependence. Knowing about the nature of addictions will help you understand how not to make mistakes and where to look for help.

All the best, Valeria.

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Hello Assel! Unfortunately, women who have lived all their lives with a drinking husband are in a state of chronic stress, almost like in a war. Many of them start drinking with their husband, as they live his life without even realizing it. Even after your father leaves, your mother continues to be in this relationship emotionally. Without experiencing the grief of loss, she can repeat his scenario. Now, at this particular moment, you need help, as a co-dependent family member, as living in a war. Come to the reception, you must gain strength and faith in yourself, work with feelings. It is known that when at least one member of the family begins to change his behavior, it necessarily affects the other. Good luck to you!

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- I argued with my friends - whether I have the courage. Who will not have enough, me? ..

A homeless child is a child who has no home or family. A neglected person is one who regularly runs away from home, but always comes back.

During the day, Tanya goes to police stations, boarding schools, hospitals and train stations. He feeds, clothes, bandages the ulcers on the legs of his wards. And at night he cleans the temple. Cleaner, that is.

Tanya Sveshnikova is known at all Moscow railway stations and in all railway station pharmacies. Homeless children call her mother. On the day, Tanya receives seven calls from prisons from her named sons.

- Dim, will they put you on a drip in prison? Will two be enough? No, I haven't bought any medicine yet. Why do you need syringes? Vitamins to prick? Just vitamins? Well, look ... When you get out, call.

Why do they trust you?

Because I love them.

– Do they feel it?

“They know it.

Tanya helps them get documents, formalize relations with guardianship authorities and military registration and enlistment offices, and tries to solve problems with housing. But all these guys are drug addicts with ten years of experience, they all inject. Documents they quickly drink away and "pierce".
Butorphanol is sold in pharmacies without a prescription for 300 rubles, a gram of heroin in the Moscow region can be obtained for 800 rubles, in Moscow - for one and a half thousand.

In the morning they wake up and think - where to get money for food and injections. Better - to prick. If there is no money for heroin or butorphanol, they buy glue. I breathed and did not want to eat for three hours. Glue costs only ten rubles, bread is more expensive. At night, one dream is to stretch your legs, get drunk and fall asleep.

- In the future, all have hepatitis C and cirrhosis. Those who live to cirrhosis will die painfully, those who do not live will also die. Everything is useless, but I support them ... in human form.

Homeless children come to Moscow from Orekhovo-Zuevo, Noginsk, Fryazevo. They run from boarding schools or from drinking parents. Two, three, they live at railway stations and metro stations, in abandoned houses and near pharmacies. The largest group - 15 people - lives near the Kursk railway station.

About 16 people lived on Paveletsky a year ago. The other day, Tanya sent the last of them to a homeless shelter. The younger ones beg for alms, the older ones steal cell phones. Tanya brings some of them home seven times, and arranges others three times in a rehabilitation center.

- They think - we are free youth, we do what we want, and no one can tell us. They speak slang, listen to Butyrka, live under the platform, fry sausages there.

And what, living under the platform is very fun! One craftsman even led the light from the lantern, they had a DVD player there, and several tiles. The cops took something away, something they themselves sold for drugs. And then the militiamen burned down their dwelling.

“Tan,” one investigator once told her, “let’s put them all in jail, you will have less hemorrhoids!”

“Oh, why are you so uninterested in talking to me?” And I love to come to you! ..

For the offense of the child is taken to the police. There he says: "I'm a drug addict." He is taken to a drug treatment clinic. They ask: “Will you be treated?” He replies, "No." And in the evening of the same day - freedom.

The police chase homeless children, burn their “houses”, and if someone burns alive along with rubbish, who cares… They don’t consider homeless children to be people. Somehow they caught one girl: “Blowjob or shelter?” The girl chose a blowjob. They say that her friends still “recaptured” her.

And saleswomen in pharmacies make cash registers for drug addicts. Tanya somehow shamed one of them: “Do you always sell drugs to children or only on holidays?” They called the police, the pharmacy was closed, but the next day they opened it again. Then the guys themselves threw Tanya out of there, not “her” guys, some “strangers” ...

- There are no “alien” children, but everything I do is useless, they have been on the street for a long time, and they are pulling each other into the street. My task is to return them home, if there is such a house, or to place them in a decent private shelter so that they do not run away.

Volunteers of the movement "Kursk Station. Homeless Children" divide Moscow stations among themselves. Someone is better guided by Paveletsky, someone by Kazansky. Tanya works at Kursk.

“Our task is to quickly send home those who have just arrived before they become homeless, until they start injecting themselves. We're trying to get the kids into good private homes. Sometimes it succeeds. And sometimes they come back and take their friends with them.

On the way to the shelter, they write to Tanya from every stop: “Mom, hello, how are you? We go to bed”, “Tanya, don’t worry, everything is fine.” Sometimes they write from the shelter: “Everything is fine, we are working slowly. Goodnight".

True stories from the life of homeless children

Masha

Masha is 18 years old, she came from Orekhovo-Zuevo. When she was four years old, her mother died, when she was 12 years old, her father died. Masha lived alone in a two-room apartment, "hang out" with drug addicts until she was sent to a shelter. She immediately ran away from the shelter, arrived in Moscow, and began to inject. At the age of 16 she gave birth to a child (he remained in the hospital). Someone told me to come to the Hammer and Sickle station, where they feed the homeless. There Masha met Tanya. Tanya helped the girl get documents and return her parents' apartment. And so he lives, probably, without electricity, gas and water ...

Maksim

Maxim is 13 years old, he also came from Orekhovo-Zuevo. Max is a very quiet modest boy, but he has no comrades. For his dark beautiful eyes, the homeless called him a chock. Max's mom died of an overdose, dad was in jail. Tanya took the boy to his “native” boarding school for documents.

- You go, said Max to Tanya, - and I'll wait in the bushes ...

Tanya was gone for some 40 minutes.

- Have you seen the boy? she asked the janitor.
- Yes, it’s already pricked somewhere, go to Pushkin Street, where poppy seeds are boiled in every yard.

A week later, Tanya found Max at the Paveletsky railway station and took him to Yekaterinburg, to the City Without Drugs rehabilitation center.

- It's good that we were alone in the compartment, he screamed in his sleep all night.

In Yekaterinburg, Max was lured by some new friend, and he became a local homeless child. And then he was caught again in Moscow. Sometimes Tanya meets Max at the pharmacy...

Nikita

Nikita is 15 years old, he came from Noginsk. When he was two years old, his mother was hit by a car.

We got to know him funny. For his thirteenth birthday, some girl gave herself ... and gonorrhea. He came up to me and said: "I have problems with the genitals." I took him to the hospital. “Tanya,” she says, “this cannot be, the girl is at home!”

I had to be treated. And when Nikita left the hospital, Tanya sent him home ... before the first quarrel with his alcoholic father. Then I went to winter camp. But when Nikita was diagnosed with hepatitis C, he was “asked” from the camp. The boy was again taken to the clinic, from where he immediately fled. In the Yekaterinburg rehabilitation center, he lived for one whole night. A month later, Tanya called from home: “I’m a goner, Tan, I got drunk on the first day, I smoke weed, we rob dachas with boys.” He escaped from the special school. Since the last time he was caught by the police, there has not been a word from him ...

Andrew

Andrei is 16 years old, Tanya met him a year ago in a psychiatric hospital. After escaping from the boarding school, the child is placed in a psychiatric clinic as a preventive measure. Andrey was forgotten there. When Tanya met him, it was the eighth month of his imprisonment. Tanya tried to get him somewhere, but who needs a sixteen-year-old guy without documents with two classes of school?

He stole someone's cell phone and ended up in the hospital again. It's been there for a year now. He is proud, he does not want to beg, so he steals. I also ran away from the boarding school out of pride. At the age of 15, Andrei brilliantly completed the second grade, and he was immediately transferred to the fifth. But then he quarreled with the head teacher, and he threatened him that he would send him to the third grade. Andrew escaped. By the way, he learned to read and write just in the hospital.

Ilya

Ilya is 20, Tanya met him when she was breaking up a fight. Tanya did not let Ilya beat some drunken kid. Ilya was right and sober. The guy was wrong and drunk. Tanya stood up for someone who is wrong. Ilya was offended and did not talk to her. Ilya's dad drinks at home with an unfamiliar aunt, mom drinks it is not known where, it is not known with whom. Tanya was at his house, she was let in by a neighbor who sat six times. The last time - for the murder of a stranger who made the wrong door.

Tanya decided that Ilya should not live at home, she is trying to attach him somewhere.

- Now the guys breathe less varnish, they inject more. They "lousy" before our eyes, they have abscesses at the injection sites. But they crush pills into ampoules and inject themselves in the groin, after which their legs fail. When I walk down the street, I see only street children and homeless people. I don't see anyone else.

homeless statistics

The first wave of homelessness covered the RSFSR during the Civil War. According to some data, in 1921 there were 4.5 million homeless children in Russia, and in 1922 there were already 7 million. Then the solution of the problem of homelessness was declared a political task.

The "State Council for the Protection of Children" was headed by the People's Commissar of Education Anatoly Lunacharsky himself, and the "Children's Commission of the All-Russian Central Executive Committee" was headed by the People's Commissar of Internal Affairs Felix Dzerzhinsky. At the same time, the first orphanages, labor communes and colony schools appeared. In 1919, 125 thousand children were brought up in orphanages, in 1921-1922 - 540 thousand. In 1935, it was officially announced: homelessness in the country was eliminated.

The second wave of homelessness falls on the Great Patriotic War. Then the first colonies for juvenile delinquents appeared in the USSR. By the end of 1943, the number of adolescents in these colonies reached 50 thousand people. In 1950, there were 6,543 orphanages in which 637,000 children were brought up. In 1960, about one million minors were studying in boarding schools. The third wave of homelessness surged in the 1990s. At the beginning of the 21st century, there were from one to five million homeless children in Russia.

According to the Ministry of Internal Affairs, in 2005 there were more than 700,000 orphans in Russia, 2 million teenagers are illiterate, and more than 6 million minors are in socially unfavorable conditions. For every homeless child, there are 2-3 neglected children. According to volunteers, no more than 30-40 street children live in Moscow now.

Hello dear Jubal! After another phone conversation with my dad, after which I want to tear my hair out of impotence to change anything, I just typed in the search "free consultation with a psychologist" and without any hope of finding a response, I'm here. Well, let me say something...

Three months ago I lost my mother - the closest and most loving person in my life. She died so suddenly, not having lived 5 days before her 55th birthday ... A powerful stroke (repeated, after the first three years ago she completely recovered by some miracle, simply), a deep coma, a complex brain operation, 12 days of resuscitation and that's all . I still can't talk about it without crying. I was very close to my mother. It seems that she was a bright prism through which life was kinder and better. I'm getting away, I'm not complaining about that now. Nothing can be fixed with mom, but what to do with dad - I don’t know anymore ...

Papa bears this grief harder than all of us. Dad is a complex person, quick-tempered, selfish, but still very good, understanding, caring. And in my mother's first stroke, he lived with her in the hospital and looked after her better than us daughters, and this time he did everything so that my mother got out, sparing neither effort nor money. After my mother's death, we decided that he should not be left alone now and his sister (they live in the same area) moved with her family to him to help and support him. Dad has been crying all this time every day, sees no point in life and does not want to hear or see anyone from us. Although, surprisingly, he finds the strength to go to his grandmother's apartment to do repairs, it seems, only because they planned with his mother (make repairs there and move to live there, and leave his apartment to his sister). At first, after the funeral, it was open, but soon everything changed. He constantly complained to me about his sister and her family, that they annoyed him with their presence, that they did everything wrong, and that among them he was even more alone, to the point that no one spoke to him. And the sister says that he fences himself off, does not want to communicate and accept support. In addition, he began to drink ... During the day he makes repairs, and by the evening he gets drunk. At the same time, he becomes so aggressive that I really fear for my sister. He yells obscenities at them, and this is heard by two years of age 10 and 5, shouting "so that you all die" and other terrible nasty things. The sister can no longer stand it and is going to return to her home. All this time I was a lightning rod for both dad and sister, they complained to me about each other from both sides. Of course, it crushed me, but I was glad that dad could at least cry with me - I saw that after talking with me, he felt a little better. But now, it seems to me, he has already reconciled a little and calmed down, but he began to drink more and seems to use his grief as an excuse for his behavior. Time passes, and he is focused only on himself, he does not show any care or interest in us, in grandchildren, in general, in life. Due to the constant use of alcohol, his condition only worsens. This morning I tried to subtly draw his attention to it. Like, this only exacerbates the already dreary state of health. He flared up and did not speak to me. In the evening, when I called him as usual, he behaved like a child. He spoke through his teeth. To my question: “dad, don’t you want to talk?”, he began to be indignant: “what do you need to talk with an alcoholic masochist?! And it started ... According to him, we "treat" him with our advice and decrees, but he feels bad without it; we are all well and we do not understand him; he doesn't care if we support him or not, and stuff like that... And now I can't find a place for myself. It seems that she deprived him of his last support (they sporadically quarrel with his sister) ...

What to do? Maybe we are really wrong in that we are trying to guide him on the right path? Maybe we are not patient and should just lend a shoulder to his tears? But after all, the sister also thinks about her family, which suffers from his anger and aggression. How to give support if dad rejects it? To any persuasion that it is better to believe that after death we will all meet, he gets angry and denies everything. And not only for this - for almost everything. Even a simple "Dad, hold on, time will ease the pain" can be heard: "Yes, but I'll look at you if you lose your husband, with whom you lived for 35 years! Saying "hold on" is the easiest way!" and so on. So what to say then??? In general, I don't know, I'm depressed and just killed by everything that's happening. It seems that with my mother's departure, our family broke up and the whole world just cracked ...

It’s like t spoke out, but it didn’t get any easier.

Antoshka was five, and I was ten years old. But despite this, we were friends. He is very smart, intelligent, educated and kind. It was more interesting for me to spend time with him than with my peers, who only strove to show off in front of each other.

He lived in an ordinary family, always a cheerful, well-groomed boy. His mom and dad often played different games with us on the street, it was very interesting. I liked coming to visit him, my mother baked it very tasty, and my father told very funny stories.

But one day everything changed ... His mother had an accident and she died, and dad, unable to cope with grief, began to drink very heavily. For absenteeism, he was fired from the factory where he worked with my father.

Antoshka began to skip school, he did not go out at all. I came to him many times, knocked on the door, but no one opened it for me. And then I met his dad at the liquor store, asked about a friend, and he barely muttered that Antoshka was ill and he couldn’t go outside.

We lived in different entrances, but there was one wall between our children's rooms. I heard Antoshka crying, at first I thought that he was so sick and crying because of it. But somehow I heard that his dad raised his hand against him and there was no one to stand up for him ... I told my parents, they went to them, but his dad said that Antoshka had gone to the village to his grandmother. And what I heard was the sounds from the TV.

More than a year has passed ... I was very worried about Antoshka, why he silently left, did not say anything, and would not even send any news. But he did wait. I will never forget the day I saw him again...

I sat on a bench near the entrance, cut out a slingshot from a branch. The grannies sat nearby and discussed something very emotionally. I realized that they were talking about Antoshka and his dad. One of them heard crying in the apartment, the other slaps, as if someone was being beaten there ...

I threw the slingshot and ran to the next entrance. I went up to Antoshka's apartment, pressed my ear to the door and began to listen... I don't know how long I stood like that. At first there was silence, and then weeping began to be heard ... Antoshka's weeping ... And immediately the firm steps of his dad were heard, who, apparently, was very drunk and was not pleased with his crying:

- Yes, when are you already okochuritsya? I'm already tired of my seizures!

My heart was pounding so hard it was ready to jump out of my chest. Tears rolled down my eyes from resentment ... resentment for a friend ... I ran home, told my father everything, and he called the police and an ambulance.

I entered Antoshkin's apartment and could not believe my eyes. On the dirty floor in the corner of the room there was a whole pile of bottles, in the other corner there was a huge pile of dirty, unwashed linen, Antoshka's dad was sleeping on it in a strong intoxication. And when I entered Antoshka’s room, I saw my friend ... Tears rolled down my eyes ... He was very thin with unwashed hair on his head and there was no living place on his body ... He lay silent, responded only to the words “Do you want to eat ...” He abruptly got up with wide open eyes and shouted "Yes ..."

One of the neighbors brought him a plate of borscht and a piece of bread... He grabbed it and began to eat hungry and look around as if someone would take it away. Looking at him, I did not recognize my Antoshka ... my friend ... he was somehow a stranger .. .

I was afraid to imagine what Antoshka had gone through this year. A whole year of torture and beatings . From moral and physical injuries, his body did not obey at all ... and epileptic seizures began very often. It was scary ... it was very scary to look at it ... The pain in my chest grew every minute, it was difficult to breathe and the tears could no longer be stopped ... I ran up to him ... hugged him tightly ... and kept repeating:

-Don't be afraid! I will never leave you again and I will not give offense to anyone!

He clung to me very tightly ... and was afraid to let go, and tears poured from his eyes ...

The doctors began to take Antoshka to the hospital, and I, holding his hand, said that I would go with him, I would not let him go anywhere! And I was allowed...

For two weeks I was in the hospital with my friend, I did not leave him for a minute. And at the discharge, my parents arrived with the happiest news ... Antoshka's father was imprisoned and deprived of paternity, and my parents issued guardianship over him ... Now Antoshka is not just my friend ... he is my brother!

Antoshka recovered and went to school like all normal children. We never remember what happened. And I thank God for bringing Antoshka back to me...

Due to debts, they moved with their parents to another city, immediately after the trip, mom died, dad drinks, feels sorry for himself, doesn’t want anything, keeps saying that I am the “meaning of life”, but considers it an empty place, there is no money, work too, and there is no study, because I had to leave in the middle of the eleventh grade, debts appeared again, I don’t make friends, because I don’t go anywhere, and, in general, there is nowhere. For a long time I feel in this life, as if not at ease. I get along badly with people, I treat them badly, I periodically fly out of my mind. I see positive events in life, I don’t see a joyful future, I don’t see the point in relationships. I hate pity, lies, this life, myself.
Support the site:

Anya, age: 17/18.06.2015

Responses:

Anh, pull yourself together. Find a job where experience is not required, where you will make friends with colleagues. You can go to free places, in every city there is something interesting (for free), get to know yourself. smile. If you feel sorry for yourself, for dad, have pity on both of you, but know that you will be happy only when you start some kind of activity. Do not dwell on yourself, it is better to have pity on those who are worse off than you. Take a break from yourself and your thoughts, better support the other, a simple smile and hugs can make a person happy. Hug you. I want you to find your soul mate.

Evgenia, age: 24/19.06.2015

Hello dear Anna. Be sure to get a job, do not be afraid, people quickly get used to each other, work together and make friends. To make the relationship better, try to mentally wish everyone well, what anyone needs and what they themselves would like. Everything will come back to you. It is good to regret and cheer, but if pity is an excuse for bad actions, it is bad. Cheer up, tell yourself everything will be fine, although you don’t believe it, but it will add strength to you. Be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up. You have to accept yourself and help yourself to be a good person. Loving others, honest, kind. Turn to God, He will always comfort and help.

Nina, age: 40 / 06/19/2015

Anya, you say dad drinks and feels sorry for himself... Yes, you feel bad, very bad... but you actually also aggravate your situation with self-pity... Your father really needs your love, only with love you will change him, not demands... Pray, fight, love, and the fruits of joy will invariably sprout in your good soul... You are a strong person by definition, you cannot be weak already based on external conditions... you will win everything... Save God bless you sister

Sergey, age: 25/19.06.2015

Hello Anya! Be sure to look for any part-time job. Set your father on the fact that you need to earn. In no case do not accumulate debts, do not take loans. Connect with people! Smile more, be polite, friendly, benevolent. As soon as you change your attitude towards others, you will see how their attitude towards you will change. Start simple - smile at a random passerby, get his smile in return. Friends, acquaintances can be found in social networks. Don't like pity? So do not feel sorry for yourself, fight, learn confidence and independence. You are strong. Get it right.

Irina, age: 27/19.06.2015

Dear Anya.
It does not happen that it is always only difficult and there is no clearance. As the weather changes, our life also changes, there is a place in it for both joy and happiness. Sometimes you realize it only after a while. You will learn to live and be strong. Fate rewards patience and when you don't give up.

Sergey K, age: 32 / 06/20/2015

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