If you learn how to deal with bullying and insults, it will be easier for you to behave in such unpleasant social situations. To protect yourself from bullying and insults, assess the situation, respond appropriately, and seek help if needed.

Steps

Assess the situation

Realize that it's not about you. People who tease and insult others are insecure themselves. Their bullying is often driven by fear, narcissism, and a desire to be in control. By bullying others, they feel stronger. Realizing that the problem lies with the abuser, and not with you, will help you become more confident in the current situation.

Understand what drives your abuser. If you make an effort to understand why a particular person is insulting or teasing you, you will have the key to solving the problem. Sometimes people bully others to assert themselves, and sometimes they do it because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could. Or they are just jealous of what you have done or achieved.

Develop a plan to avoid the person or situation if possible. Avoiding the abuser can help minimize the amount of abuse or bullying you experience. And while it's not always possible, come up with ways to cut down on the amount of time you have to spend with a bully, or avoid contact altogether.

• If you are being bullied on your way home from school, work with your parents to develop a safe route to avoid bullying or abuse.
• If you are being teased or insulted online, consider removing the offender from your social media or reducing the amount of time you spend on certain apps.

1. Determine if bullying is against the law. Sometimes bullying or insults are a direct violation of one of the codes or the Constitution Russian Federation. For example, if at work you experience sexual harassment by a colleague (not necessarily physical, but also verbal), this is already a violation of article 133 of the Criminal Code, and you must report it immediately.

   • If you are in school, you have the right to study in a safe, distraction-free environment. If someone is bullying you to the point that you don't feel safe or interferes with your studies (for example, by discouraging you from coming to school), you should discuss this with your parents or teacher.

   Respond to bullying and insults

   1. Prepare for the situation. If you have to spend time with someone who constantly insults or teases you, develop a plan to take control of the situation. For example, it can be helpful to role-play and think through response options.

      • Practice role-playing with a friend or family member. Let a friend (or girlfriend) tell you: “Alina, your hair is terrible.” And you can answer like this: “Thanks for your opinion, but I like it, and this is the most important thing.”
      • If your boss insults you by belittling you, come up with a plan. Try saying: “Anton Petrovich, your comments are unprofessional, offensive and affect the productivity of my work. If this does not stop, I will be forced to inform the higher authorities.”

   2. Keep calm. When you are teased or insulted, it is important to remain calm, even if you feel like getting angry or crying. People who bully and humiliate others often expect a response. Keep calm and don't lose your head.

      • If someone insults you, try taking a few deep breaths before responding.

   3. Be determined. Confidently and unequivocally let the abuser understand how his insults affect you. In a firm yet calm tone, explain why you don't like the bullying.

      • Try telling a classmate who is teasing you about your shoes, “It makes me mad that you are bullying me in front of the whole class. Stop doing it."
      • If co-workers bombard you with sexist remarks, try saying, “Your bullying and insults border on sexual harassment. If this happens again, I will report it to our supervisor immediately.”

   4. Ignore insults. Sometimes the best response to an insult is to ignore it. You can pretend that you didn't hear anything, or change the subject of the conversation to the exact opposite. If, instead of reacting to the insults and bullying of the offender, you do not pay attention to them, you will avoid adding fuel to the fire.

      • If you are insulted or teased online, don't respond.
      • If you are being bullied by a family member, try to ignore their bullying and leave the room.

   5. React with humor. Using humor as a response to insults or bullying is very effective. Humor can relieve tension, disarm the offender, and even turn his words to dust. Try to laugh it off when someone insults or teases you.

      • If a colleague is being rude about a poster you brought to a conference, try saying, “You're right. This is a terrible poster. I shouldn't have let my five-year-old son do it for me."
      • Another option may be feigned surprise or an ironic remark. For example, you could say, “Oh my God! You're right! Thank you for helping me see!”

   6. Report insults and bullying in relation to your gender, race, national origin, religion, or disability. It is important to report these types of aggression immediately, as this is often against the law. If you are insulted or bullied in this way, go straight to your boss.

      Talk to your abuser. For example, if you're constantly being bullied by a parent or family member, it might be time to sit down and talk about the abuse. Explain directly how you feel about bullying and how bullying affects your life.

      • If your mom constantly criticizes your appearance, try saying, “Mom, it hurts me when you comment on my clothes, hair, or makeup. It hurts my feelings. From now on, please stop making such remarks.”
      • Even if the banter isn't malicious, you can still tell the person that you don't like it. For example: "I like spending time with you, and we can tease each other cheerfully. But we will not discuss some topics (clothes, husband, children, etc.) anymore - it hurts my feelings."

   Learn to value yourself

   1. Work on your self-esteem. Low self-esteem can make it harder for you to deal with banter, both malicious and not. Building self-esteem takes time, but you can do it with simple steps, such as:

      • Compliment yourself. Try looking in the mirror every morning and saying one nice thing about your appearance, like, “My eyes look especially bright and beautiful today.”
      • Make a list of your strengths, accomplishments, and things you admire about yourself. Try to list at least five things in each column. Keep a list and read it daily.

   2. Take care of yourself. Self-care is an important and good strategy for dealing with insults or humiliation. Try long baths, relaxing walks, or doing something nice for yourself like getting a pedicure. These ways of taking care of yourself will help build your self-esteem and improve your self-image.

      Develop your resilience. If you are a persistent person, it will be easier for you to recover from insults, humiliation and other life difficulties. Try to work on this quality to increase the ability to bounce back after bullying and attacks. Here are some things you can do to build resilience:

And why? Why did you take this insult personally? Do you feel guilty? Have not learned to respond to such psychological attacks?

You know the enemy by sight - it's easier to fight. Is it necessary? Or is it worth developing in yourself a certain tactic of responding (or rather, NOT responding) to insults. When a person deliberately wants to offend you - ask yourself the question - WHY?

Why is he doing this? Wants to humiliate you in order to exalt himself? Then his act causes compassion. This is the only way a person can assert himself.

Or he wants to hurt your nerves to piss you off. What for? He is looking for a lightning rod in you, he wants to drain his irritation somewhere.
Always think - why? And only after you understand the root cause and choose a model of your behavior. After all, we cannot be offended, we can only be offended. Sami. So, such a reaction is the result of his own choice.

Leo Tolstoy also said: “It's all about the mind. Thought is the beginning of everything. And thoughts can be controlled. And therefore the main task of perfection is to work on thoughts.”

The main groups of lovers of insults:

• Losers. Their only way to assert themselves is to belittle the other person.
• these are people who enjoy, energetically “feed off” due to quarrels, scandals, including insults to other people. They feel good when others feel bad.
• Aggressors: people who see everyone as an enemy. To protect themselves, they are the first to attack other people.
• Ill-bred people for whom the norm is communication in the language of insults.

If you immediately start reacting thoughtlessly after the insult, your offender will celebrate the victory. WHY?
Why give him such an opportunity! How do we respond to insults? A fool is a fool himself. A familiar picture?
When you see this from the outside, you understand that both of them are the most stupid people. One, due to the lack of upbringing and endurance, allowed himself such a thing, and the second, having tuned in to his destructive wave, accepted the conditions of this “game”. Both are worthy of compassion.

Sometimes we get insulted so unexpectedly that we don't even have time to respond positively. Offensive words hurt painfully, sharp needles enter the very heart. We are not sure what to say in the first minute, but “after the fight” we come up with a plan for revenge.
Now stop and look at the situation as if from the outside. Silly and funny. Wit on the stairs. What are we spending our precious lives on? A person has long forgotten about his attack, and you are carefully and scrupulously cultivating the seeds of revenge in YOUR soul. And they are very systematically destroying you from the inside. WHY?

If, nevertheless, you understand that it is you who is the master of your thoughts, and not vice versa, stop and imagine the whole situation from space. Are you crying now? Are you offended? And how would it look on a cosmic scale? Negligibly small and not worth your nerves. It even becomes funny - because of such a trifle there are so many experiences.
Have you calmed down? And now go to the window and carefully, but the smallest lines, consider some object outside the window. You switched your attention, took a deep breath and ... you felt better.

At first, it will not be easy to get rid of destructive thoughts, and resentment will remind of itself from time to time.
STOP! Stop the flow of sad thoughts. Sip delicious tea with lemon and honey. Listen to good music.. Watch a comedy. Play with pets. Switch to a positive wave.

If the offender is an outsider, then you should not be led to a provocation, indulge in mutual accusations and showdown. The wisest move is to ignore.

It's harder to do it when your boss or co-worker insults you. In this case, it is better to avoid conflict. If this is your boss and you still have to communicate with him, here you will have to develop a certain tactic of behavior.
Psychologists recommend that the first step is to understand what exactly in your work caused such a reaction, to isolate constructive criticism, where exactly you did not complete or made a mistake.

The next step is to protect your psyche from verbal "attack".
There is such an approach. It's called Aquarium. When the boss starts screaming and insulting half a turn, imagine him in an aquarium, like a fish that opens its mouth, but you can’t hear the words. Such a protective shell helps a lot to abstract. Words, like balls, bounce off without reaching the goal.

In general, as far as the boss is concerned, one must act carefully. In this case, before responding to an insult, you must imagine that you have a small, capricious child in front of you. And your task is to calm him down, pat him on the head, kiss him and feed him semolina. By placing yourself in such a situation, you will easily endure the attacks, meeting them calmly and with a smile. This will also affect the emotional state of the boss.

If you watched the movie "The Matrix", then remember the moment when Neo stopped the bullets fired at him. Imagine that the rudeness thrown at you is bullets, and you are invulnerable, and all the rudeness does not reach you, falling with a ringing on the floor.

If silence does not work, you can respond with a little taunt.

“A gentle answer removes malice; hurtful words arouse anger.”
John Ruskin

A good reception, only it requires a certain hardening, endurance - to respond politely to evil insults. Or, at the very least, say calmly: "How rude and rude you are."
Sometimes this acts like a tub of cold water on the offender. In any case, you get a pause and will be able to retreat from the battlefield with your head held high.

The most unfortunate, in my opinion, response technique is to shout all sorts of nonsense in response. Of course, in this way you become a twin brother and slide down to the level of this ill-mannered type. But sometimes it helps relieve stress. Especially if you took two octaves higher.

Much better help reception of a splash of negative emotions into the water. Open the faucet and just scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. How well it helps! Wash your face with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You are smarter! Give yourself five and try to draw healthy conclusions from this situation.

The man showed his true face. Can you remake it? Thankless work. Either you accept him for who he is, or that's the end of your relationship. The choice is always yours! The main thing is not to stoop to the role of a victim.
https://vk.com/wall-40916132_180608

We all had to hear insults addressed to us and, out of surprise, we did not know how to respond to them correctly. They began to be rude or cry from resentment. Below, a psychologist gives some tips on how to intelligently respond to an insult to an offender. Gives examples of phrases that will help you get out of an unpleasant situation beautifully.

First, let's talk about several types of correct reactions to an insult.

calmness

PS. Remember that an insult is a negative, intentionally statement of a person's assessment, which humiliates his honor and dignity. It can be applied orally, in writing, and even with a gesture. In this case, the object of attacks does not have to be present in person.
In the Russian Federation, this is punishable in accordance with Art. 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses.

Any of us sometimes has to deal with human rudeness and listen to offensive words and expressions addressed to us. Someone has a tense situation at home, while someone is very unlucky with work, where a scandalous atmosphere prevails, ready at any moment to explode with a stream of abuse and insults. So how to respond to rudeness and rudeness?

Why is it necessary to respond to rudeness, and not be silent?

Psychologists have established that every aggressive trick from the outside gives rise to auto-aggression in a normal person, which eventually results in a depressive mood, decreased performance, low self-esteem, etc. Such a reaction of the body does not bring anything good with it, and, therefore, it is necessary to learn effective protection against manifestations of alien aggression and the correct reaction to it.

Reasons for rude behavior

One of the most common reasons for rude attacks on a person is his underdeveloped. Such people are much more likely to become victims of rudeness than strong and self-confident individuals. Boars and rude people have a fairly well-developed instinct and will never mess with someone who can give them a decent answer.

If in front of them is a person from a different category, then why not amuse yourself and say something rude to him. Most often, the following types of people fall into the number of offended:

• highly cultured and brought up in the old traditions;
• having low self-esteem;
• trying to avoid conflict situations;
• with a high sense of guilt;
• afraid of hurting and offending other people.

In this situation, the reaction to rudeness can be different, but you should first work on your own so as not to be a constant victim of poorly educated citizens. The acquisition of inner strength will forever relieve third-party aggression, because a strong person cannot be an object of attack.

Ecology of life. Psychology: Defending yourself against insults, it's easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of punches and counter-punches. However, there are ways...

Offensive words lie in wait for us daily - often when we are least ready for it:

• on the road during rush hours, when people show their worst qualities;
• in lines when we run out of patience;
• at work and at the festive table, where people consider rudeness almost permissible.

Critical attacks are so varied that they defy classification. Here are “light”, everyday injections (“well, finally!”), And such when it gets dark in the eyes from resentment (“I see that you are busy doing what you do best - you are eating again”).

Sometimes words just betray insensitivity. Gathering his courage, the son told his mother that his wife had left him, and in response he heard: “She was going for a long time.”

It is believed that in the family we can hide from the world. In fact, relatives say things to each other that they would never say to an outsider, often adding in justification: “You know, I say this because I love you.”

One woman recalls how one day, when she was 12 years old, she was standing in front of a mirror and her mother suddenly said: “Don't worry, dear. If the nose still grows, it will be possible to do the operation.” Until that day, the girl had no idea that she did not have a perfect nose.

Particularly "good" are the veiled insults, which are called "constructive criticism", although they have nothing to do with it. They are easily recognizable by their accompanying phrases such as "I hope I can speak frankly with you" or "I'm telling you this for your own good". It turns out that you should almost admire the sincerity of the critic and appreciate his concern, while you are hardly recovering from the blow.

When defending against insults, it's easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of punches and counterstrikes. Fortunately, there are ways to repel the attack of the offender without dropping your own dignity.

The next time you're the target of criticism, try these tips.

1. Try to understand

The one who criticizes others is often filled with resentment himself. If you can't figure out what the person who offended you is really worried about, ask them about it. Remember: resentment is not always meant for you personally. Look at the situation from the outside and look for the cause.

The waitress is rude to you not because she didn’t like you for some reason - just the day before her beloved left her. The driver, "cutting" you, does not want to annoy you - he is in a hurry to the sick child. Pass it forward, support it.

Trying to understand those whose words hurt you, you can more easily endure the offense.

2. Analyze what was said

In her book The Subtle Art of Verbal Self-Defence, Suzette Hayden Elgin suggests decompose the offending remark into parts and respond to the unspoken reproach without making yourself a victim. For example, if you hear “if you loved me, you would lose weight,” you can answer like this: “And how long ago did you decide that I don’t love you?”

3. Turn to face the offender

It is not easy to resist insults. Helps, in particular, directness. Remove the negative charge, for example, with such a question: “Do you need to offend me for some reason?” or “Do you understand how such words can be perceived?”

You can also ask the person to clarify the meaning of the remark: “What do you mean?” or “I want to check if I understood you correctly?” As soon as your critic feels that his game has been figured out, he will leave you alone. After all, when you were caught red-handed, it's very embarrassing.

4. Use humor

My friend somehow had to hear: “Is this your new skirt? In my opinion, chairs are upholstered with such fabric. She was not at a loss and answered: "Well, sit down on my knees."

The mother of my friend all her life zealously monitored the cleanliness of the house. One day she found a cobweb in her daughter and asked: “What is this?” "I'm doing a scientific experiment," retorted the daughter. The best weapon against offensive criticism is laughter. A witty response will help you deal with almost any offender.

5. Come up with a symbol

One woman told me that her husband always criticized her in public. Then she began to carry a small towel with her and whenever her husband said something offensive to her, she covered her head with a towel. He was so ashamed that he got rid of his bad habit.

6. Don't mind

Agree with everything. If your wife says, "I think you've put on ten pounds, dear," answer, "Twelve, to be exact." If she doesn’t back down: “Well, what are you going to do with the extra weight?” - try this: “Nothing, probably. I'll just be fat for a while." A hurtful remark is only as powerful as you empower it. By agreeing with criticism, you disarm the critic.

7. Ignore the injection

Listen to the remark, tell yourself that it is in the wrong place, and forget it. The ability to forgive is one of the most important abilities that help us live and that we can develop in ourselves.

If you are not quite ready to forgive yet, let the speaker know that his remark was heard, but there will be no answer. The next time you get taunted, wipe the imaginary stain off your shirt. When the person who hit you asks what you're doing, say, "I thought something hit me, but I must have been wrong."

When the abuser knows that you know too, he becomes much more careful. Or pretend like you're not interested. Blink, yawn, and look away as if to say, “Who cares?” People can't stand being considered boring.

8. Add 10 percent

You will never be able to completely protect yourself from offensive remarks. Try to perceive some of them as natural manifestations of irritation that happen to everyone.

Most of us try not to offend others, but sometimes we make mistakes. So get defensive when you think it's necessary, but think also of the "10 percent rule":

In 10 percent of cases, it turns out that the item you bought is cheaper elsewhere.
- in 10 percent of cases, the thing that you lent to someone is returned to you damaged.
- In 10 percent of cases, even your best friend can say something without thinking and then regret what was said.

In other words, grow thicker skin. It's usually easiest to assume that people are trying to do their best, and many simply don't realize how their behavior affects others.

Constantly defending, proving one's case and controlling the situation is too expensive. Try to forgive and in return you will get much less resentment and trouble than these notorious 10 percent.

Also interesting:

When a man insulted the Buddha, he said, "My son, if anyone refuses to accept a gift, to whom does it then belong?" “To the one who gives,” the man replied. “So,” continued the Buddha, “I refuse to accept your insulting words.

The world is full of people who humiliate others in order to assert themselves. Do not accept insults, even when they are showered upon you, as gifts of love. By ignoring them, you will relieve tension, strengthen your relationships with others, and make your life more joyful. published

10.09.2013

22079

We all have to deal with rudeness, insults and rudeness from time to time. And those of us who do not know how to properly respond to insults have to endure resentment, get angry and accumulate depression in ourselves. Many, not knowing how to adequately respond to an insult with their rash words, deeds and actions, provoke serious conflicts and, neglecting common sense, enter into “internecine wars”.

It happens that a person, not knowing how to respond to an insult, uses his fists, sometimes even in cases where the situation does not require even the slightest reaction. The inability to answer the offender with a word, the inability to find the right words in order to put the bully in his place is the cause of bad mood, stress, health problems, suicides, fights and even murders. You say I'm over-dramatizing the situation? But it really is!

In order to learn how to respond to insults, it’s not enough just to memorize beautiful phrases and expressions, you need to understand what an insult is, what are its motives in each specific case, learn how to respond (it’s not about what to answer, but about a psychological reaction to rudeness, humiliation and criticism), and of course it is wise, worthy and beautiful to respond to these barbs.

So what is an insult? Insult is a deliberate infliction of insult, humiliation of the honor and dignity of a person, often expressed in a rude and indecent form. In addition, as verbally, an insult can be inflicted in writing or in the form of actions (obscene gesture, push, spit, slap, etc.), openly or in the absence of a person.

Insult is always a negative assessment given to the behavior and qualities of a person, in a form that contradicts socially accepted rules of conduct, morality and ethics. In most countries, insult is a crime, for which, according to the idea, an inevitable punishment should always follow (in Russia, after Article 130 of the Criminal Code has become invalid, insult is an administrative offense, and liability for it is provided for by Article 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses). However, in this article we will omit the moment of such a reaction as the defense of honor and dignity in court, and we will try to figure out how to react and respond to insults on our own.

Today, there are many different psychological techniques that can help you adequately respond to an insult. However, each of them is based on the initial understanding of the intentions and goals of the offender, inflicting "poisonous injections." Therefore, in order to competently parry the insult and put the presumptuous interlocutor in his place, you first need to realize the hidden motives of the opponent and take care of the antidote.

How to respond to insults and accusations

You have been scolded by accident or on purpose. For business? Hurt? Remember that any feeling or emotion, including insult (resentment combined with a feeling of strong humiliation) arises inside a person. Therefore, we cannot be offended, we can only be offended.

First of all, do not take the insult literally and take every word personally. If your offender has a bad mood or is poorly educated, this does not mean that you are to blame.

In order for a person to learn how to properly respond to insults, it is important to know that the one who splutters and behaves inappropriately, throwing insults to the right and left, is himself a victim. A victim of his eccentric nature. Usually, people who attack others and humiliate them are weak. They are unable to cope with negative emotions and therefore splash them out on others. As a rule, someone offended them too, and unable to cope with the bitterness that overwhelms them, they thus “merge” it (often people offend and are rude out of a sense of envy). So is there any point in being offended by a toadstool?

How to respond to an insult if the offender is your loved one? If you value relationships, then you should talk and dot the Y. Calmly and openly tell him that his words hurt you deeply (namely, the words of loved ones hurt us the most, even when we seem to have learned to calmly respond to insults from strangers, unfamiliar or just acquaintances). Discuss the situation and you will feel better.

The most preferred response to insults from a stranger is ignoring. Simply do not notice the rude person (of course, if the situation does not require the opposite behavior), imagine that he is not around, and the opinion and words of a stranger are an empty phrase. If you are not in the category of people wanting to please everyone then it will be easy for you.

If you are offended by a work colleague or boss, remember that a careful avoidance of the conflict will always be beneficial. The words of a colleague who still cannot calm down and on whom your silence does not work can be answered with some neutral taunt. And with the boss jokes are bad. Therefore, it is better to listen to the opinion of psychologists who advise in this situation not to conflict and not to respond to insults, but to present your leader as a capricious little child who whimpers and fights all the time. Mentally patting his head, calm him down. Feed with semolina and sit on the pot. Those who have tried this method say that the effect is amazing. Not only does it make you smile and endure offensive remarks with ease, it will also give you inner strength that your boss will definitely notice.

Workout calm reaction to insults will bring you only dividends, namely positive mood, increase in working capacity, stability and balance. By learning to respond to aggressive attacks with serene calmness (it can be expressed both in words and deeds, and in silence), you can disarm the offender every time and make him think about whether it is worth behaving like this with you.

How to correctly respond to an insult, given the type of criticism

Before responding to an insult, quickly analyze what was said, and if it looks more like constructive criticism (the insult, in fact, has nothing to do with what we are), immediately admit that you are wrong, start with “Yes”: “ Yes, you are absolutely right." If you doubt the reasons for the attacks and do not know how to respond to a barb and a remark addressed to you, ask a clarifying question. For example, if the matter does not concern your real omissions or blunders, and the angry tirade uttered by your opponent is intended to belittle and insult you, then the phrase - “Do you have a specific proposal?” Will confuse him. An adequate person, even in the case of a harsh statement, will justify his opinion and offer other options.

If you agree with, albeit with unpleasant, but fair criticism, do not apologize unless absolutely necessary. Just agree, constantly apologizing people look not self-confident.

In the event that an insult or accusation is only partly true, acknowledge it in part. For example, they tell you that you are always late (this hardly looks like an insult, but if it is said in a rude and aggressive form, and even in public, someone may consider it as such). A decent response would be something like, "Yes, I'm late today." Or here's another example: "You are an illiterate specialist and constantly make spelling mistakes." A worthy response to an insult would be the phrase: “Yes, There are two spelling errors in this report».

A completely unfair insult can be answered with a counter-question, asked on the merits of rudeness. They can be of several types:

• Clarifying questions such as: “Why do you think so?”, “What exactly do you mean?”, “Why are you personally interested in this?”, “What did you mean by this?” etc., rarely, but they give a result. If a person begins to answer them, he will imperceptibly drive himself into a dead end. However, you should not count on this (although you can try), after clarifying questions, the offender, as a rule, does not calm down (he also uses an unfair type of criticism without substantiating his rudeness) and answers something like: “Don’t you yourself guess?” or "I mean, you're a slacker and untalented." It is worth being patient, of course, if you want to respond to the insult culturally, and continue to calmly ask further.
• Factual questions are a call to voice the facts and give examples: “Names, appearances, passwords?”, “Please name the facts”, “Give an example”, etc. If your detractor answers these questions with general phrases: “There are many examples and facts ...”, “You yourself understand everything perfectly ...”, etc., continue to “torture” him further or stop the dialogue with the phrase, they say, you don't really have anything to say.
• Alternative questions will help the offender formulate specific claims and say what he is really unhappy with: “Maybe you are not satisfied with my lack of punctuality or the way I dress and look? Maybe you don't like how I communicate with customers or how I make reports? Here, perhaps, you will hear a specific answer, unless of course the opponent really has something to present to you. If yes, then proceed as described above.
• Devastating questions: “You are not satisfied with the way I make reports, the way I look, the way I communicate. What else doesn’t suit you in me? ”- they are asked so that your critic or the person insulting you expresses everything and does not touch you for as long as possible.

It is likely that leading questions that you ask in a calm tone will cause amazement and even indignation in the critic. This is normal and means that he feels your advantage in this situation. He is used to being justified or submissively silent in front of him, and you kindly try to figure everything out and take into account specific and objective comments as soon as they are voiced.

How to respond to insults: general rules

The first thing to be learned by a person who does not know how to respond to an insult- this is that in no case should one stoop to mutual insulting accusations and thoughtless reactions. Firstly, from the outside it looks very stupid and funny. Secondly, maybe you are falling for some manipulative influence. So why start playing by someone else's rules, with the possibility of being caught in cleverly placed nets.

In most cases, it is better to respond to insults not only politely and civilly, but at least calmly and with dignity. In some situations (for example, in the case of trolling), the best answer is to completely ignore the offender.

If you are a calm and well-mannered person by nature, then cultural response to insult a born boor is quite difficult and most often meaningless. You are obviously a loser, because you start playing on someone else's court and by someone else's rules. You must stay in your field. If you can calmly and reasonably answer, then answer, but another problem is that the boor's receptors that perceive your arguments do not work. So it's best to turn around and leave. This is the easiest way to respond to an insult.

Often responding to criticism, people make a mistake - they begin to make excuses: no, I'm not like that, you are unfair to me, I'm not to blame ... Excuses put you in the position of a humiliated one - this is, firstly. Secondly, they are not interesting and not needed, as a rule, they are not even listened to. Agree, it’s stupid to make excuses to a person for whom to say some kind of taunt or insult - a desire to play on emotions, a way of self-affirmation (in this situation, you can ask - “Well, did you assert yourself at my expense?”) Or a desire to stand out. Therefore, when listening to insults, always try to understand why they want to insult you.

Difficult days happen to everyone, and perhaps a rude remark broke from the lips of your interlocutor by accident. In this case, the question is "Bad day?" will be sufficient. A normal person will agree and apologize for being harsh. However, asking such a question to a “troll” is not the best way to respond to an insult, as this can cause a whole stream of hard-hitting expressions from his side in your direction.

Sometimes it is not necessary to respond to an insult, it is enough just to ask the person in a non-aggressive or even friendly way about what he said. Pretend that you did not hear or, in thought, simply did not pay attention to his statement. Only frank Hamlo will repeat the insult.

If you still decide to answer the offender, and it doesn’t matter whether the situation requires it or you just feel like it, you should not rush at the enemy with objections directly. Be cool, silence accusations and insults with well-aimed and witty answers, but only after you have fully listened to all the attacks addressed to you. Firstly, you will have time to think and find a sharp word, and secondly, you will be able to moderate your ardor and maintain sobriety of thought. And if this is a situation where your detractor is acting on emotions (i.e. this is not a planned and carefully thought out attack), you can give him the opportunity to discredit himself to the fullest.

Some attacks can be answered with humor. When an insult seems to be not an insult at all, but just a harmless mockery, or when you need to answer and defuse the situation without spoiling the relationship, the joke is quite appropriate. This approach has another plus. It will save you from further insults and attacks from a person who enjoys seeing his victim feel anger or some other negative emotion. After all, if you react to his attacks with a smile, therefore, you don’t care, and you don’t even think to get angry, offended or swear. Humor will take away the rude man, putting him into a stupor. And he's like energetic vampire going in search of a new victim.

Do not joke if the insults are serious, hurting your honor and dignity. Otherwise, both the offender and those around you will decide that you can safely “wipe your feet” about you.

How to learn to respond to insults and not provoke new ones

It will help you to get out of any verbal duel as a winner and put in place a presumptuous interlocutor ability to express thoughts quickly. In order to learn how to respond to insults witty and most importantly on time, do not hesitate to arrange comic duels with acquaintances, friends or work colleagues. Remember that in each fight you gain the necessary experience and skill.

There are people who are rude more often than others. There is such a thing - the psychology of the victim. Sacrificial people who are easy to offend (he has such an appearance, he behaves this way, it can be seen from him that he will not be able to respond to an insult) - he will always find his boor. Here you need to ask yourself the question: “Why do people talk to me like that? Maybe the problem is in me if this is repeated periodically?

Often people are not able to somehow respond to an insult because of their own insecurity, low self-esteem or natural shyness. Having heard unpleasant words addressed to them, they, overwhelmed by fear, cannot utter a word. Here we need an integrated approach - having started the fight against these qualities, constantly practice the ability to correctly respond to insults. And remember, the reaction to rudeness and boorish behavior must come from the depth of inner steadfastness.

In addition, fear, transmitted through some absolutely unthinkable channels, can spur the offender to more and more rudeness. So in any conflict situation, including responding to insults, you must, first of all, curb your fear. We are so arranged that, not knowing how to defend ourselves from insult, we involuntarily begin to breathe deeper, strain our eyes, clench our fists or cross our legs and arms. Try to follow your emotions in such situations, and consciously control your external manifestations.

How to intelligently respond to an insult: examples, situations, phrases

When insulting, people often use formulaic expressions. So to know how to properly respond to an insult, you can make a list of frequently observed rudeness and come up with adequate responses to them.

To make it more clear to you in which direction to move, I suggest that you familiarize yourself with typical insults and possible options for a decent reaction. Perhaps my answers were not original enough, I'm sure you can come up with a better one.

If an ill-wisher with a false note in his voice notices that you look bad because of yesterday's feast, thank him for his indifference, and in turn show concern for the offender's appearance: “It's strange, you seem to have been at home all evening yesterday (a) , but you still look crumpled. Look at the bruises under your eyes." Well, or say that you forgot to look in the mirror as you were in a hurry to get to work, and then, after taking a cursory glance at the insolent person, happily add: “Oh, I see, you don’t like to look in the mirror either.”

You can respond to an insult by translating the negative qualities that are attributed to you into virtues. - "You are verbose and talkative." - "Just me sociable person».

If you are insulted and accused, you can remind the person of the expression: “We are what we think about” or the well-known saying “Whoever hurts, he talks about it”, well, or say “Do not judge by yourself”. The point is this: we often suspect others of what we ourselves are capable of, and we need to explain to the person that with his insults he characterizes himself rather than you.

You can turn the reproach in the opposite direction and ask the aggressor how he managed to achieve such outstanding results, master skills that you do not possess, acquire such wonderful character traits (this can be done in a caustic or serious form):

• - "You're crooked!" “How do you manage to keep your hands straight?”
• - "You first day at work, but have already shown themselves as a worthless clumsy. “Share your experience. How do you manage to stay calm in stressful situations?

How to respond intelligently to an insult about your clothes:

• - "Are you dressing in the Chinese market?" “It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing, on my figure even beggarly rags will look like a chic dress.

If the offender, wanting to belittle the value of what you did, says that you used bad means in your work, the wrong tools or methods, you can say that, despite the originality of the means used in the work, it was done beyond praise and the result speaks for itself. myself.

Try wisely respond to an insult, which sounded to you in a bar, restaurant or store is not worth it (unless in order to hone your skill in sharp and quick attacks). The correct reaction would be to call the administrator or ask for a complaint book. A few such complaints and a rude employee will be fired.

If you have to listen to insults from some official, then you just need to ask very politely to tell you his position, as well as his full name. Those who use this technique to cool the ardor of a negligent employee know that it works very well. One gets the feeling that at that moment a tub of cold water was poured on him.

You can respond to an insult like a luminous Buddha - with a radiant smile and wishing the offender all the brightest. Of course, such a reaction is not always appropriate and not suitable for everyone, because each case of insult is individual and people are different, so there cannot be universal answers. Choose the tactics of behavior that suits you best. Try, experiment, but do it wisely.

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