We tend to associate hunger with the stomach, but it turns out our skin can get hungry too. In psychology, there is even a term “hunger for touch” (English skin hunger, touch hunger). I have a version that we are trying to satisfy this hunger (unconsciously and unsuccessfully) by overeating and other addictions, leaning on alcohol or, say, unnecessary shopping.
Here are some of the most important facts about the lack of touch and tips on how to make up for it.
1. The surface of our skin is covered with many nerve endings. Until recently, it was believed that they all perform the same, informational function - we touch, feel objects in order to understand, to collect impressions. These nerve endings respond to temperature, pressure, pain, itching, and other sensations. They help the brain determine the position of the body in space and quickly navigate when faced with something unfamiliar.
2. But there is another, small variety of nerve fibers on the skin - they read only slow and gentle touches, strokes (1-10 cm per second), and in response, pleasant sensations arise in the brain, similar to the euphoria of a runner - “happiness hormones” are produced – endorphins, serotonin and oxytocin.
3. This recently discovered type fibers transmit a signal to the brain 5-10 times slower than the first, informational. Therefore, for example, we do not immediately feel the sharpness of chili pepper on the tongue - the substance capsaicin in its composition acts just on the slow nerve endings.
4. Scientists have noticed that signals from fast information fibers are processed in the sensory part of the brain, and from slow ones - in the department responsible for recognizing emotions. That is, their function is not just to inform, but also to evoke feelings.
In fact, touching the skin carries more emotional information than speech. Therefore, conversation or written communication can never fully convey the feeling of love, as it is available to us through touch.
5. The main purpose of the second type of nerve fibers is to cause pleasure, thus encouraging our social connections and strengthening the feeling of attachment.
“Hunger for touch” refers to a lack of physical contact with others- friendly, caring, slow and careful touches that evoke a pleasant feeling of relaxation, warmth, security, a feeling that we are accepted and loved, that we are welcome.
6. A person who lacks physical contact with others (we are not talking about sex, this is completely different) plunges into a state akin to depression: he speaks in a flat voice without intonations, he has an extinct or exhausted look, increased anxiety or, conversely, aggressiveness. Stressful situations devastate him and it is not possible to replenish his strength to the end.
7. Unfortunately, we communicate more and more on social networks and less and less in real life. The circle of our virtual friends and acquaintances is growing, but with it - a feeling of loneliness, a lack of physical contact with like-minded people.
Lucky are those countries and cultures in which it is customary to touch each other. For example, experiments have shown that the French, both adults and children, touch each other more often in friendly communication than Americans, so the level of aggressiveness in French society is noticeably lower.
8. Most of all, children and the elderly suffer from a lack of touches - they need friendly, caring, gentle touches and hugs in the first place. It has been proven that a child grows up more stress-resistant and self-confident if from an early age he was hugged and carefully stroked. Elderly people, who are gently touched, get sick less, they have stronger immunity.
9. On the palms, soles of the feet and lips, slow nerve fibers do not occur, therefore, for example, stroking our own hand, we feel a pleasant contact at the place of touch, but not in the palm of our hand.
Have you ever wondered why so many of us are so drawn to running a cloth across our cheeks to feel its smoothness? ? There are slow nerve fibers on the cheek, but not on the palms.That's why pure information comes from the hands, and information + emotion comes from the cheek.
An important question is how to fill the deficit of touches, if there are not enough of them?
Most often, massage is advised in such cases, but not all of us, for various reasons, have the opportunity and desire to regularly go to massage sessions.
Here are some tips that work for me:
- hug family and friends more often, turn it into a habit. For example, hugging friends at a meeting and at parting. Doctors advise at least 6 hugs a day (by the way, they even help to lose weight!), And children and the elderly need to be hugged even more often.
At the same time, it is important not to violate personal boundaries - if a child or an adult is unpleasant to touch (this can be seen in the face, body position), you need to respect his or her feelings and not be offended.
If I suddenly want to hug someone, I always ask permission first: “May I?”.
A social experiment that was amazing in terms of the strength of emotions turned out to be a resident of Sydney - at some point he was left alone and felt acute loneliness - he could not overcome it. He recalls that everything changed when a girl at a party after they met gave him a friendly hug. He decided to go outside with a poster: "I give hugs."
Passers-by began to approach and hug him, then each other, then the experiment spread to other cities and countries. The video currently has over 77 million views. The main thing that the author of this experiment understood was that so many of us are sorely lacking in friendly touches, and it’s really easy to give them to each other, even if you are not close friends.
- shake hands. For me, this is an opportunity to learn a lot about a person, to determine my attitude towards him, without violating my personal space.
- take care of your body and skin consciously. This means listening to your feelings, passing them through consciousness.
For example: when we take a shower and feel how the drops touch the skin; apply cream, perfume; massage the stiff muscles of the neck or head, foaming the shampoo (by the way, according to scientific experiments, the most pleasant places for a slow, gentle massage are the scalp and back); we stroke ourselves on the head or on the cheek, repeating mother's or grandmother's, grandfather's gesture from childhood - just to calm down and cheer up.
It is worth reminding yourself more often that creams, sports and massage are not only about looking good, but, first of all, about feeling good. That is, our relationship with the body should not be purely functional, they should be consciously fed with positive emotions and memories.
Editorial opinion may not reflect the views of the author.
In case of health problems, do not self-medicate, consult a doctor.
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Touch has different meanings (Jones & Yarbrough). The authors performed a study in which 39 university students, boys and girls, took part, who for three days recorded the details of all touches, the subjects or objects of which they were. 1500 episodes of social touch were analyzed. Below are the conclusions reached by the authors, as well as data obtained by other researchers.
Touch as a manifestation of positive feelings
Positive touch can mean support, encouragement, approval, sympathy, sexual attraction, or, if the touch is continuous, it can signal inclusion (for example, "We are together!"). Some touches of the medical staff, if they calm the patient and help him relax, also belong to the category of positive touches. Touches such as a friendly pat on the back and a massage can also express positive feelings, but they can also be perceived as related to the performance of a certain job if they are performed by a professional massage therapist. Psychotherapists also recognize the importance of such touching, which indicates a positive attitude towards the patient, but not too intimate. If touch is taken as evidence of interpersonal sympathy, it can elicit other behaviors, such as the patient becoming more talkative and better disposed towards medical staff (Aguilera; Pattison). The positive effect caused by even accidental touch can be extended to the entire environment, as evidenced by the library experiment described in the article "The Magic of Touch" and a study conducted in a store where customers touched by Confederate students are more favorably appreciated the store itself (Hornik).
Touch as a manifestation of negative feelings
The students who participated in the study (Jones & Yarbrough, did not report a large number of such touches, but we clearly perceive some touches as a manifestation of a negative attitude and negative. Punching, slapping, squeezing another person's hand tightly so that he cannot run away are all manifestations of anger or frustration. As a general rule, negative touching is more likely among children than among adults.
Touch and discrete emotions
Touch can do more than convey positive or negative emotions in a generalized way. The authors of one study videotaped subjects (those who touched) as they attempted to convey different emotions by touching the palm or forearm of another person (the recipient) (Hertenstein, Keltner, App, Bulleit, & Jaskolka). Viewers who were shown the videos did not just guess, but identified emotions such as anger, fear, happiness, disgust, love, and sympathy. An analysis of the video recordings made it possible to determine exactly how these emotions were conveyed. For example, sympathy was expressed by stroking and caressing movements, anger by blows and strong compression, and disgust by a repulsive movement. The touches also differed in duration and intensity.
Unlike other non-verbal signals, touch can not only be seen, but also felt. The authors of the study mentioned above asked the recipients what emotion they were trying to communicate? The recipients did not see those who touched them - they were hidden by a curtain through which they put their hands - and could only feel touch. They identified anger, fear, disgust, sympathy, love, and gratitude more accurately than if it were just a guess, but other emotions - embarrassment, envy, happiness, and surprise - were not accurately identified by the recipients.
Another way to determine by touch the discrete emotions that a person is experiencing is to feeling with the hands of his face, as the blind do. Even sighted people with no special training identified six emotions significantly non-randomly in this way, with happiness, sadness, and surprise most accurately identified (Lederman, Klatzky, Abramowicz, Salsman, Kitada, & Hamilton).
Touch like a game
Sometimes we interpret our own touching and being touched as an attempt to lessen the gravity of the message, whether it be sympathy or aggression. When one person makes a movement with his fist, indicating his intention to strike, but stops at the level of the skin of another person, the signal sent by him is deciphered as: “I'm not fighting. I'm playing." The laughter or smile that accompanies this movement can serve as confirmation of such a message. The limit of playful touching is tickling, a phenomenon that attracted the attention of psychologists more than a century ago and about which Charles Darwin wrote. One question is why we can't tickle ourselves, and the second is whether a person must necessarily tickle or there may be some kind of mechanical device in his place. According to (Harris & Christenfeld), a machine can tickle just as well as a human if there is an element of unpredictability in its actions.
Touch as a way to influence
When the purpose of touch is to get the other person to do something, touch is associated with influence. Such touches are called "submissive touches" (Jones & Yarbrough). Waitresses who touch patrons receive larger tips (Crusco & Wetzel), and patrons who are touched while walking by a waitress drink more alcohol than those who are not touched (Kaufman & Mahoney). In those stores where barkers touch customers, the latter spend more time and make more purchases (Hornik). Psychologists who approached students for help by touching their shoulders were much less likely to be rejected (Patterson, Powell, & Lenihan), and those who were touched after agreeing to take part in the survey answered significantly more questionnaire questions than those who agreed but were not touched (Nannberg & Hansen). In one study, a stranger touched for a second or less the hands of people who were asked to hold the leash of a very active large dog while he was away for a pharmacy (Gueguen & Fisher-Lokon). Even this subtle tactile contact was enough for people to agree to fulfill this request. Similarly, a Confederate woman who approached women she didn't know for a cigarette was more likely to get it if she lightly touched the shoulder of the person to whom the request was made. Moreover, unlike the results of the experiment in the library, described in the article “The Magic of Touch”, those who remembered that they were being touched were more willing to fulfill the request. Touch, even without a direct request, can cause a more active desire to help: when the one who touched walked away and dropped his things as if by accident, the one to whom he touched was the first to offer help (Gueguen & Fisher-Lokon). The psychological mechanism underlying these effects is most likely connected to the positive affect and human connection that results (unconsciously) from even a cursory and seemingly insignificant touch of one person to another, although these people are unfamiliar. These results suggest that touch can be used for manipulative purposes. For example, waiters may intentionally touch patrons in order to receive large tips. Of course, such actions can provoke "return fire" if visitors do not like being touched, or if they understand for what purpose it is done.
In addition to using touch to achieve different goals, such as a larger tip or fulfilling a request, people can also use it to achieve more general goals, such as to appear strong, powerful, or confident. Barack Obama, shaking his interlocutor's hand, often squeezes his shoulder with the other hand. He may do this to communicate that he is in control, but he may also do this to show his friendliness. Whatever the president's motive, the recipient may interpret it either as a display of friendly feelings or as a harmless act of interpersonal control. Touch illustrates the ambiguous nature of many non-verbal manifestations: it is difficult for the recipient to understand the intentions of the one who touches, and the toucher is not able to predict the reaction of the recipient.
Touch as a means of communication control
We try to structure or control conversations or elements of conversations in many ways. These "managerial touches" are able to guide communication without interrupting the verbal conversation. By touching the hand, pulling the hand or patting on the shoulder, you can attract attention, show that the conversation is starting (greeting) or ending (farewell); touching can also carry some ritual load, such as touching the head of an infant during baptism.
Touch as a physiological stimulus
Of course, touch is extremely important at all stages of sexual contact. They are also powerful but complex stimuli in everyday life. When people participating in experiments are warned in advance that they will be touched professionally and safely, researchers report a predicted decrease in heart rate (Drescher, Gantt, & Whitehead), which is thought to be indicative of the calming effect of touch and is directly related to important in terms of the evolution of the mother-infant bond. However, when touch is unexpected and/or inexplicable, the heart rate increases. So, in comparison with conditions when women were not touched or touched were expected (for example, if it was necessary to count the pulse), when the male experimenter kept his hand on the wrists of women who did not expect this for 10 seconds, their heart rate increased sharply. Moreover, all subjects experienced an increase in blood pressure (Nilsen & Vrana). The results of this study suggest that the influence of touch depends on socio-contextual factors and on the interpretation of touch.
Touch as a manifestation of involvement in communication
Sometimes the meaning attributed to touch is related to the level of involvement in, sensitivity or activity of the communicant (Afifi & Johnson). Sometimes touch simply means that the intensity of communication is high or that the communicant is actively involved in it. Interpersonal receptivity can be considered positive affect when it is shared by both communicators or when one of them feels that the behavior of the other depends on him. Perhaps more than any other non-verbal behavior, tactile behavior, if perceived as intentional, is noticeable in communication; it is almost meant to be noticed and can elicit a strong response, either positive or negative.
Touch associated with the performance of certain actions
There are situations when we need to help someone out of the car, or our hands come into contact with the hands of another person when we pass something to each other. These actions-related touches are what Heslin called "functional/professional touches." As in other cases, two communicants may put different meanings into such a touch, or one of them may deliberately try to mislead the other. A familiar example of the latter situation is when one person touches another ostensibly as a joke, but really wants this touch to be a step towards intimacy. A similar confusion of function occurs in studies such as the study in the library described in the article “The Magic of Touch”: the touch was associated with the performance of professional duties, during the transfer of a library card to the recipient, but its effect was positively emotional.
Touch as a means of healing
Cases of miraculous healing cannot be explained either from the point of view of medicine or from the point of view of physiology. For many centuries, in all the episodes of the miraculous healing of the sick and infirm by religious figures, royalty and other charismatic personalities, the main "protagonist" was interpersonal touch. According to legend, Jesus healed by touch, and he was often described surrounded by a crowd of those who were thirsty for this touch. There was a common belief that French and English kings healed by the laying on of hands. There is documentary evidence that the English king Edward I, in the 28th year of his reign, thus healed 938 of his subjects from scrofula (Olden). In more recent times, including today, the healing touch has become the prerogative of priests and others who attribute it to divine power. The healing power of touch in so-called "miraculous cases" has not been subjected to rigorous scientific study to establish its effectiveness or the mechanisms by which it "works." While it may be difficult to rule out Divine power or some unknown physical force, Olden attributes the inexplicable healing to psychological factors.
- The patient has a great need for healing.
- The patient has boundless faith in the abilities of the healer.
- The patient is a member of a group that supports and encourages him.
- There is a shared irrational belief system, usually of a religious nature.
- The patient and all observers experience extremely strong emotions.
Today, there is a renewed interest in touch as a form of therapy in the medical community (Borelli & Heidt; Kerr, Wasserman, & Moore; Krieger). Some forms of manual therapy, including what researchers call "light touch", have been shown to reduce pain (Kerr et al.). Long known for its ability to relax and give pleasure, massage has a positive effect on brain activity, attention and intelligence, helps to reduce pain, depression, reduces the level of stress hormones in the blood, improves sleep and appetite, improves lung function in children with asthma, increases immunity, contributes to weight gain in premature infants. There are many other clinical evidence of the beneficial effects of massage on human health (Field; Fields, Diego, & Hernandez-Reif). It has been suggested that perhaps the mechanism of the positive effect of massage is based on the activity of the parasympathetic nervous system: pressure stimulates the vagus nerve, which reduces the level of physiological arousal and the level of stress hormone in the blood. Even a single massage has a positive effect on nervous excitement, blood pressure and heart rate (Moyer, Rounds, & Hannum).
It is possible that the positive physiological and psychological effects of communication with pets are explained precisely by the beneficial effect of touch, because relationships with animals involve very frequent touches (Allen). Because touch can provide relief and positive physiological effects, the authors of one study were quite surprised that parents hardly touched their children with cancer during such painful medical procedures as lumbar puncture. An analysis of the videos showed that more than a quarter of young patients were deprived of parental support when they needed it most (Peterson, Cline, Foster, Penner, Parrott, & Keller).
Mental health professionals and therapists debate whether touch should be included in the healing process (Hetherington; Smith, Clance, & Imes; Young). On one side of the scale lies the risk of being accused of sexual harassment or, unwillingly, offending a patient, and on the other, the potential value of physical contact in moments of stress. One thing is clear: psychotherapists and doctors of all other specialties should be extremely attentive to the reactions of their patients to touch.
According to data received from junior medical personnel, a positive therapeutic effect can be achieved even without touch as such. A method called "therapeutic touch" (“therapeutic touch), or TT for short, is found to be effective in many situations when it is used by professionals who adhere to certain rules. Their hands should move over the patient's body, and not touch it, affecting the energy field surrounding the patient and bringing relief to the patient. Those who believe in this method and skeptics argue about whether it is really better than a simple placebo, but we do not have empirical data that would allow us to put an end to this dispute. However, a paper published in a prestigious medical journal casts serious doubt on one of the basic tenets of TT, namely that an experienced TT practitioner is able to detect with their hands the energy emitted by another person's body (Rosa, Rosa, Sarner, & Barrett). Experienced TT practitioners acting as subjects were told that the female experimenter would keep her hand over the hand of one of the subjects, but would be shielded from them by a screen. The subjects were only required to guess which hand the experimenter's hand was in. Much to the surprise of the subjects, the word "guess" turned out to be the most appropriate, because in fact their accuracy was purely random, that is, they could not detect the energy field around the experimenter's hand. The results of this well-designed study clearly show that TT adherents are guided by faith rather than science. (By the way, the young scientist who conducted this study and co-authored it is a 4th grade student doing a school science project!)
Touch as a symbol
Perhaps because touch is so rare outside of intimate relationships, it never goes unnoticed. Touching can be so meaningful that the act of touching itself is meant to signal the importance of the relationship, ritual, or event. The handshake between Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat on the day of the signing of the truce between Israel and Palestine is more eloquent than any words (see Figure 2).
Rice. 2. Handshake between Rabin and Arafat
The irony of fate, but it was this handshake, most likely, that prompted Yigal Amir to think about killing Rabin (With a Handshake).
Sometimes the symbolic meaning of touch is perceived on a personal level through the individual's own idea of touch. Everyone knows the photos of distraught fans reaching out to touch the rock star. Even in everyday life, some people appreciate the opportunity to touch someone who is important to them, and then proudly say: “I shook hands with the name!” The indirect symbolic power of touch is sometimes apparent even when a person, unable to touch an important person himself, can touch or take possession of some thing that belonged to him. Such a thing can even be an autograph, because the idol touched the pen and paper. Throughout the history of Christianity, there has always been a huge meaning hidden in the claim to possess a part of the relics or clothes of a saint.
On fig. 3, people are clearly visible rushing towards President Bush.
The authors of a study of touch patterns conducted in the legislature of one of the states drew attention to the fact that during the entire observation period the governor did not touch anyone, although many people touched him (Goldstein & Jeffords). The daughter of the Panchen Lama, the second-ranking hierarch of the Buddhist Church in Tibet, recalls her trip to Tibet when she was seven years old: “I was told that people were standing along the entire road, 50 miles (80.47 km) long. Thousands and thousands of people, and they all wanted to touch me” (Hilton). During the second trip at the age of 17, she was literally exhausted by the crowds surrounding her. But she said, "I can't complain about it, because being able to see me and touch me made them happy." However, she had to ask her bodyguards not to let them lift her skirt to get to her legs.
In such situations, touching causes the one who touches the feeling of owning something important: after all, the “particle of greatness” has remained on him. One gets the impression that the role of a celebrity is not always important: whether she herself touches the "thirsty" or is the recipient. The consequences of touch are also different. Sometimes its result is indirect: a person who has touched a celebrity gains more weight in his environment. At other times, the achievement is not so noticeable, but no less important: it seems to a person that, having touched another, he acquires a particle of the essence of the latter. Whatever virtues this person possesses, people believe that, thanks to even the most cursory touch, a particle of these virtues goes to them. However, this in a certain sense primitive thinking has its downside: after touching an unwanted person or his touching us, we feel “impure”. The fact that members of the lower caste were called "untouchables" in traditional Indian society is by no means a mere coincidence.
Rice. 3. After one of President Bush's speeches, listeners yearn to touch him.
Dependence of the Meaning of Interpersonal Touch on Contextual Factors
As the previous sections suggest, the meaning of touch depends on many external, personal, and contextual factors. Indeed, it is highly likely that in most cases the meaning of touch is inferred from these variables and not from the nature of the touch. as such. Often, touch enhances the experienced emotions rather than conveying any specific meaning or signal. Relationships between communicants provide an important context for interpreting the meaning of touch. A touch on the hand, which between strangers can be interpreted as a social/polite gesture or a gesture of friendship, becomes sexually charged if the friendship has already been established. A hug can carry very different suspicions about the level of intimacy if two men or two women are embracing (Floyd), or if two men are embracing on a sports field or in a bar (Kneidinger et al.).
Interpretations of touch are also associated with contextual variables such as duration, specific form of touch, other features, and other contextual features alone or in combination. For example, a touch can be perceived as more intimate if it is accompanied by other cues, such as a gaze, if it goes on for too long, if the setting is private, etc. A quick touch by waiters on their customers leads to an increase in tips, but this increase is especially noticeable, if the participants are heterosexual and the setting is a bar (Hubbard, Tsuji, Williams, & Seatriz). Touching indicative of friendship/sympathy between people not intimately related is most likely in public places, but the same touch in private settings is more likely to arouse suspicion of love and sexual intimacy. Touching some parts of the body suggests more closeness than others, but closeness is not only in this, but also in the manner of touching. For example, a cursory touch on any part of the body is likely to be perceived as less intimate than a prolonged touch.
Men and women put different meanings into the same touch. In a study conducted in a hospital, nurses touched the patients while explaining the essence of the upcoming operation (Whitcher & Fisher). Women reacted positively to this, they calmed down and felt better after operations. However, men who were touched in the same way reacted less positively. Similar results were obtained by researchers who showed males and females photographs of nurses touching and not touching patients in bed (Lewis, Derlega, Nichols, Shankar, Drury, & Hawkins). Men rated nurses who did not touch patients as more sympathetic, while women came to the opposite conclusion.
Men and women responded differently to the questionnaire, whose touch they considered the greatest invasion of privacy (Heslin, Nguyen, & Nguyen). For women, the greatest invasion of privacy is the touch of a stranger, while for men, the greatest invasion of privacy is the touch of another man. In addition, it turned out that men perceive the touches of strangers in the same way as the touches of their familiar ladies! Both men and women admitted that the most pleasant touch is the stroking of the erogenous zones by a friend belonging to the opposite sex. In second place for women is stroking non-erogenous zones by a man, while for men, stroking erogenous zones by an unfamiliar woman is in second place.
Marital status influences how men and women interpret different touches. More than 300 people who were in intimate relationships (in official or civil marriage) reported what the touch of the “second half” on different parts of the body means to them (Hanzal, Segrin, & Dorros). It turned out that, as previously shown (Nguyen, Heslin, & Nguyen), unmarried men enjoy gentle touch more than unmarried women, but among married men this pattern is reversed: in this group, women received the most pleasure from touching. Moreover, this result did not depend on the difference in the age of family and non-family participants in the survey.
Touch can be a powerful subconscious force in communication
As the results of the studies reviewed above show, if we are touched, even a cursory, subtle, and perhaps not even noticed by us touch can affect our perception, mood and behavior. However, just as the influence of touch may not be conscious of the one being touched, it may also be unconscious of the one being touched. who touches. This circumstance manifests itself most clearly in a phenomenon called facilitated communication(communication with the participation of a facilitator). It is a technique designed to facilitate communication with individuals suffering from autism, mental retardation and physical ailments that impair motor function and communication, in particular cerebral palsy. On several continents, facilitating communication was hailed as a communication breakthrough for those who are unable to communicate normally, and was widely adopted and used throughout the 1980s and 1990s (Jacobson, Mulick, & Schwartz; Spitz).
How does facilitating communication “work”? This technique is based on close tactile contact between facilitator and communicant and on their close and trusting psychological relationship. The facilitator holds and guides the communicant's hands while the latter types words or sentences on the keyboard. Using this method, many people, deprived of the opportunity to communicate normally, typed very informative, often expressive descriptions of their feelings and thoughts. Many observers thought that people finally sentenced to silence would be able to overcome their isolation and escape from the most difficult situation. At least, that's how it seemed.
Unfortunately, it turned out that flying communication reveals not so much the thoughts of disabled communicators as the thoughts of the facilitators themselves. Research has shown that communicators answered questions only when the questions and answers were known to their facilitators, and often these answers seemed too "verbally advanced" for their intellectual level. Moreover, communicators could type answers to questions without even looking at the keyboard (Kezuka; Spitz). Despite a wave of protest from those who believed in this method, scientists continued to conduct control experiments, which eventually proved that often the results of facilitating communication are associated with the fact that the facilitator unconsciously guides the communicant's hand and he types on the keyboard not his own, but his thoughts. Research has shown that when facilitators were given incorrect information about a communicant's background and then asked the communicants about those same facts, the "answers" received contained the wrong information, not the true facts (Burgess, Kirsch, Shane, Niederauer, Graham, & Bacon) . The use of mechanical means to determine the physical effort exerted by the facilitator showed that the facilitators did indeed use subtle muscle movements in their hand, and sometimes facial and other "cues" to influence the position of the communicant's hand (Kezuka). Therefore, it was they, the facilitators, who were the real communicators.
The interest of behavioral science in facilitating communication and the importance of the latter for this science is due to the fact that, most likely, most of the facilitators were neither crooks nor charlatans and sincerely believed in what they were doing (Spitz). Needless to say, the discovery of the true nature of facilitating communication has been a huge disappointment for those who believed in it. However, the real, that is, subconscious, mechanism of influence of facilitating communication is no less striking than its results, which were reported by its supporters. How could the facilitators express their own thoughts without realizing it?
This is not the first documented case involving unconscious movement. In the 19th century, pendulums, which allegedly began to swing under the influence of mysterious forces, aroused great interest. It was believed that a branch with a forked end, called the "magic vine" (dowsing rod), suddenly sinks down when the person holding it comes to the place where there is groundwater (Vogt & Hyman), and the furniture, for no apparent reason, begins to move, supposedly under the influence of spirits (Spitz). In all these cases there was nothing supernatural, but only quite definite expectations that caused unconscious motor reactions. This list can also include Clever Hans, a unique horse. Of course, Hans could neither read nor perform mathematical operations, but he could do something else: notice the subtle physical movements of people who knew the answer, and act in accordance with them. These people, unwitting accomplices, like facilitators in facilitated communication, had no idea that Hans' reactions were the result of their movements. Indeed, as disabled in facilitating communication, Clever Hans could correctly "answer" questions only if the person who asked them, or someone in the audience, knew the correct answer. All these phenomena are based on what has been called "error authorship" (authorship confusion)(Wegner, Fuller, & Sparrow) - on the erroneous recognition of the source of the action of some person or agent.
and by touching one's own body (self-touch), which includes biting nails, pinching skin, curling hair around a finger, biting lips, holding the body in a certain position in space, stroking and actions related to hygiene. It is not clear what psychological function these actions perform, but most researchers agree that for the most part it is more an unconscious expression of personal needs than reflex or deliberate communication, that is, more “signs” than “signals”. However, sometimes deliberate communication is combined with touching one's own body, for example, "invitation to sex" includes self-stroking. All kinds of self-touches or their use in different circumstances can perform different functions. On fig. 4 shows some types of self-contacts.
The following is a list of different types of self-contacts (Morris):
1. Shielding Actions. The goal of this behavior is often to reduce "information input and output". An example would be putting the palms (palms) to the mouth or to the ears.
2. Cleansing actions(Cleaning Actions). Sometimes we raise our hands to our heads to wash and dry our hair. But sometimes the same movements are prompted by concern for our appearance: we straighten our hair, smooth our clothes, in general, “clean our feathers”. Observations of people in the washrooms of public buildings and subsequent interviews with these people showed that women devote more time and attention to such behavior than men. Those who are in the process of establishing an intimate relationship devote more time and attention to "cleaning their feathers" than those who already have a partner for such relationships (Daly, Hogg, Sacks, Smith, & Zimring, 1983).
3. Specialized signals (Specializes Signals). These gestures are used to convey specialized information, such as cupping the ear with the palm of the hand to communicate hearing loss, and swiping the edge of the hand under the chin to signal "I'm fed up with this."
4. "Self-intimacy" (Self-intimacies). According to Morris, these unconscious movements bring pleasure, comparable to that which gives the touch of another person. These include touching one's own hand, crossing arms or legs, masturbating, etc. Some of these movements are more characteristic of women than men, in particular such a posture as a head bowed to the shoulder or legs slightly apart. These self-touches can act as substitutes for the pleasure of being touched by others.
Rice. four.
Some self-touches Ekman and Friesen called adapters, or self-manipulators. As the term implies, they reflect behavioral adaptation to certain situations. Most researchers agree that adapters are predominantly associated with negative feelings. There are useful classifications of different types of adapters, which are based on both possible referents of behavior - one's own self, another person or object, and a type of behavior, such as scratching or stroking.
The study of the behavior of psychiatric patients shows that as the feeling of psychological discomfort, anxiety or depression increases, the frequency of use of self-adapters increases (Ekman & Friesen; Freedman; Freedman, Blass, Rifkin, & Quitkin; Freedman & Hoffman; Waxer). However, if the level of anxiety is too high, the person seems to freeze and practically stops moving. The fact that self-adapters have also been shown in studies of such patients to be associated with feelings of guilt has a lot to do with the study of deception. Adaptors such as scratching and pinching have also been found to be associated with human hostility and suspicion (Ekman & Friesen). Theoretically, these scratching and tingling are manifestations of aggression towards oneself or directed inward aggression towards another person. Other assumptions and hypotheses associated with self-adapters include the following: stroking is associated with giving oneself more confidence, covering one's eyes with feelings of shame or guilt, caring for one's own body with a person's concern for his self-presentation, and self-touch with the release of nervous energy.
Some research suggests that self-touch is associated with feelings of anxiety or stress caused by certain situations. This applies to both baboons and humans (Castles, Whitens, & Aureli). The subjects were shown two films: some watched a very heavy film, others - an entertaining one (Ekman & Friesen). They were then asked to describe the film they had seen to the interviewers as enjoyable. Those who watched the heavy film were forced to lie to the interviewer, which in itself can cause stress. It turned out that they touched themselves more often than the subjects, who both watched an entertaining film and talked about it. A study of patient-physician communication found that patients touched themselves more when talking about some of their secrets than when listing their complaints (Shreve, Harrigan, Kues, & Kagas).
Interracial communication is another context in which self-touch can be the result of stress. White subjects interacting with blacks and white Confederates demonstrated different self-touches: they scratched their heads, pulled their hair, and rubbed their hands (Olson & Fazio). The fundamental racial attitudes of the subjects and their attitude towards those specific black Confederates with whom they communicated were evaluated. When a conflict of interest arose - if the fundamental racial attitude was negative, and the attitude towards a particular black Confederate was positive - the frequency of self-contact increased markedly. The results of this study clearly illustrate the complexity of interpreting the meaning of non-verbal communication. Although, according to some authors, non-verbal cues indicate that individuals predominantly communicate their negative attitudes, this study reminds us that non-verbal behavior can be not only the result of interpersonal antipathy per se, but also a sign of discomfort or internal conflict.
Self-touches are more often observed in people who are chronically in a state of anxiety; this state is called trait anxiety and is observed, in particular, in shy people who, despite their shyness, want to be sociable (Cheek & buss). When personal anxiety is measured indirectly using a reaction time task, it predicts self-touch and other behavioral signs of anxiety better than explicit self-reporting. Perhaps this is due to the fact that people with high levels of anxiety either deny this fact or are not fully aware of it (Egloff & Schmulke). An interesting question is whether the self-touch associated with anxiety is a simple indicator of the very fact of its existence, or whether such touching helps to reduce stress levels.
Another source of self-touch is cognitive load, that is, the load associated with information processing. When giving a monologue, people touch themselves more often than when they just sit silently; the frequency of self-contacts also increases when people do not just listen to some text, but answer questions related to it (Heaven & McBrauer). When the subjects were asked to read the names of colors typed in fonts that did not correspond to them (for example, the word red was typed in blue), they touched themselves more often than when the color name and font color matched (Kenner). These results suggest that cognitive load and stress may be the cause of self-touch.
Although we have little data on how aware people are of their self-touches, it is generally accepted that self-touches are much less conscious than other non-verbal manifestations. When the subjects were asked how many and what kind of non-verbal manifestations they had during the contact, which was recorded on videotape, they recalled self-touches the least accurately, but still remembered them with great certainty.
Ideas about adapters can be extended to other manifestations, and not just to self-contact. There is a theory that these manifestations were learned along with early experiences related to interpersonal communication: exchanging different objects with others, attacking or defending against attack, establishing close relationships or refusing them, etc. Ekman believes that incessant hand movements or legs, which are usually considered signs of anxiety, may be vestiges of adapters needed to avoid communication.
Object adapters involve the manipulation of objects without any apparent functional purpose, but may have their origin in the performance of certain instrumental operations, such as writing with a pencil or smoking. Some people do this more often than others. Although, as a rule, people are not aware of the actions they perform, it is possible that adapters associated with objects are more aware of them. Often, these movements are acquired at a more mature age, and it seems that social taboos practically do not apply to them. It is highly likely that, like self-adapters, object-related adapters are associated with anxiety, stress, and cognitive load.
Because there are social taboos against displaying some self-adapters, they are more likely to be observed when a person is alone. In any case, it is hardly possible to see the entire act in a public place. While alone, a person can pick his nose as much as he wants, but in a public place he will limit himself to lightly touching his nose or rubbing it. Although, as a rule, adaptors are not intended to be used in communication, in the situation associated with the one in which the adaptive habit was first learned, they can be activated by verbal behavior.
Individual and group differences in self-contacts are revealed. A study of children from four countries found that English and Australian children were significantly less likely to touch themselves on experimental tasks than Italian and French-speaking children from Belgium. It is possible that these differences in self-touch are comparable to the differences in touching other people inherent in these cultures. In the same samples, significant individual differences were also revealed: during the execution of experimental tasks, some children touched themselves more often than others (Kenner). Another group of differences is related to gender: in the course of interpersonal communication, women touch themselves more often than men (Hall). It is not clear to what extent this reflects greater social anxiety, sexual arousal, increased concern for appearance, or the simple fact that women's hair and clothing are more likely to need attention.
conclusions
Touch is our first source of information about ourselves, about other people and about the environment. Touching another person or experiencing someone's touch yourself - these acts can have a powerful effect on our reactions in a variety of situations, even if these touches were unintentional. In some cases, touch is the most effective way to communicate, in others it can cause a negative and even hostile reaction. The meaning we give to tactile behavior depends on which part of the body is touched, how long the touch lasts, its intensity, the way it is performed, and frequency. In different conditions - in institutions, at airports, etc. - the same touch acquires a different meaning; it also depends on the age of the communicants, on their gender, on the culture to which they belong, on their personalities and relationships. There is evidence that tactile behavior is more common in American children than in American adults, and that touch frequency decreases with age. Scientists agree that early tactile experience is critical to later adaptation.
The most common interpersonal touches and self-touches can convey a variety of messages, including influence, positive affect, flirting, mutual interest, communication management, and demands associated with the performance of certain operations. Touch can have great symbolic meaning; its supposed healing and therapeutic properties have attracted attention throughout human history and are now being studied in research laboratories. Touch can amplify any emotion you feel. It can also have a huge influence on the behavior of both the one who touches and the one who is touched, although both may not be aware of either the fact of the touch itself or its effect.
Love and family
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27.08.13 14:46
Touch is an important part of a romantic relationship. Perhaps loneliness is so hard to bear precisely because a person is deprived of touch.
Thinking about why touch plays such a huge role in life, scientists have conducted many experiments that only confirmed the importance of direct contact between lovers.
The researchers compared married couples and single people. The experiments were designed to reveal why happy couples have a significantly reduced risk of disease. Moreover, the diseases were very different from the common cold to fatal cancer, heart attacks. In the course of the study, it turned out that the spouses were saved by touch.
In Zurich, scientists decided to test for the content of the stress hormone. It was attended by women living in a happy marriage. Before the test, one part of the husbands was asked to verbally cheer up their wives, and the other part was asked to hug them or take them by the hand, to do a relaxing massage of the neck and shoulders.
As a result, those to whom the husband touched coped with stress better, and much less destructive hormones were found in their bodies. But it is precisely because of stress that people begin to get sick and feel worse.
When scientists began to analyze why exactly touch is responsible for stress resistance, they found that thanks to it, the level of cortisol hormone.
And you cortisol just the same, and struggles with the level of stress, ruthlessly reducing it. When you touch your loved one, you calm down, and for a moment problems leave your life, you can restore your vitality and fight with new energy to fight difficulties.
What are touches
touch is not just a contact between two people, it is an expression of their feelings. With the help of tactile contact, you can give a person a positive charge and express your feelings. Different touches can have different meanings.
You can say “I love you”, “I trust you”, “I support you”, “I will always help you”, “I love you with all your flaws and will never leave you”, “I appreciate your efforts and enjoy everything what are you doing for me.
Just a few movements and your body itself will say whole sentences for you. Touching always gives a lot of happiness, and when a person is happy, then he does not care about any stress.
What do we have to do
After all of the above, it becomes clear that touch is very important for lovers. However, you need to understand that tactile contact does not always carry a sexual connotation. Sometimes a friendly pat on the shoulder is much more important. Therefore, try to touch each other as often as possible, thanks to this your loved one will be able to feel support, closeness and tenderness on your part.
Holding hands is a universal rule. And you don't have to do it in public. Taking each other's hand at home is a great rule. Do not forget to knead each other's shoulders and at least occasionally massage.
When you sit down, try to move as close to each other as possible. Place your hand on your loved one's shoulder or knee while talking. With the help of these techniques, you can increase the number of your touches, and, therefore, become even a little happier and healthier.
Even if you are still single, do not be afraid to express your feelings and touch your loved ones more often. Hug your girlfriend or boyfriend tightly, kiss your mom. Sometimes people are just shy of touching, they are afraid that others will not understand them.
But in fact, any passer-by will be happy when they sincerely hug him, and if a loved one does this, then happiness will double. It is not for nothing that from time to time we have promotions of “free hugs”, all because people need them, both single and those who are lucky enough to find their soul mate.
It often seems that we have thoroughly studied the man who is nearby. And this is the main mistake. Don't stop exploring each other, being surprised by each other and... just touching! A male psychologist discusses the need for this for male happiness.
If only women could hear my conversations with men. We discuss all the stereotypes and clichés that women have about us.
Your men do not want to offend you. They don't want to argue. They don't want to control everything. And they definitely don't want "just sex". They desperately want their wife to know the truth. And they become very sad at the thought that she may never know this truth.
And the truth lies in a gentle touch. It contains a power that many women neglect or have not yet discovered. It is so simple and so gentle that men are even afraid to ask for it. We barely talk about it to each other! We don't want to appear soft. We don't want to risk a female reaction to our weakness.
What is she in?
My-infant.com
It is the power of gentle skin-to-skin touch as a sign of female acceptance and approval.
When a woman gently touches a man, she inspires him with self-confidence, his world changes instantly.
It's such a powerful moment that we can't even say anything. Like a lump in my throat. And this is such an assurance that we are not alone, that we are on the right path. It's the feeling of a woman's love, if you will.
I'm sure every man wants to feel it. It's simple - female acceptance and approval. Nothing more.
Here's how the men describe it:
"We were watching a movie when she put her hand on my knee, looked at me, smiled and said, 'I'm glad you brought us here, thanks.'
“She scratched the top of my head with her fingers for about two minutes. Silently. It was amazing."
“She touched my shoulder and whispered, “You are such a good father and husband. I love you for it."
“When I offered her my vacation option, she took my hand and said: “Damn it, I adore you!”.
“She just reached out and stroked the back of my head while I was driving. So gently that I almost purred.
“She moved towards me, falling asleep, and said:“ You are always so warm.
30kapel.com Why can't men say they want it from a woman?
They think women will think it's stupid. It's not "courageous" after all. Too vulnerable. Women can laugh: just from their touch, a man can take his breath away.
Women, let your men be vulnerable. Let them feel free to do so. Control your reaction to such revelations. And touch... touch us!
8 magical touches for a man. He will do whatever you want...
Touch Tactics
Tactile contact with a man is a reliable way to get your way when you need to apologize or ask for his help.
Numerous studies confirm that gestures can express many emotions - love or anger, sympathy or approval. Moreover, they act much faster than words - on an instinctive level, especially for men who, by their nature, are less talkative than women.
Often, a simple touch can be more effective than a half-hour conversation. And you can, on occasion, proudly say: "We feel and understand each other without words."
WHEN you need to apologize
GESTURE: If you were wrong (or he thinks you were wrong) and you still need to apologize, sit down next to him and while saying the magic phrase "Forgive me ..." put your hand on his knee and gently shake it.
What's the matter
While he is angry, touching his cheek or hand is too intimate for him: he will perceive it with aggression or irritation and, most likely, move away. The knee is a more neutral zone. In addition, to touch his leg, you have to bend down a little and reach out your hand. He subconsciously perceives such a position as a sign of humility. And in combination with words, this will make it clear that you are sincerely sorry and promise that this will not happen again.
WHEN you want to ask him for help
GESTURE: If you need attention, sympathy and help, stretch out your hands to him, palms up - so that he covers them with his own hands.
What's the matter
This movement is read by his subconscious as a search for protection. Palms up - a request for help. Your man will unconsciously interpret this as a plea for protection and will feel his strength. And once in a dominant position, he will definitely want to help and take care of you.
IF there is a conflict
GESTURE: When you need to defuse the situation and calm your loved one without words, do not wait until he “boils” (in this state, he will perceive any touch as a gesture of aggression). Touch his shoulder. The movement should be clear, firm and in no case timid. Hold your hand on your shoulder for a couple of seconds and remove it. By doing this, you will press the "pause" button in his head.
What's the matter
His shoulder is one of the most protected parts of the body, covered with muscles and the least sensitive in contrast to more vulnerable places, such as the face or neck. A straight and firm hand carries a charge of energy and attracts attention.
This movement will simultaneously remind you of your connection and make it clear that you should never get excited. A touch on the shoulder emphasizes the strength of your man, shows that the situation is not dangerous, that nothing threatens his weak points and that together you can find the best solution to any problem.
IF you want to talk him into doing something he doesn't want
GESTURE: Take his hands in your palms so that they are at the bottom. Then bring them together in a "prayer" position.
What's the matter
Hands folded in this way are a persuasive gesture that businessmen and politicians often use in negotiations. And by adding in body contact and the fact that your palms are on top, it’s like you are saying to his subconscious: “I dominate this situation!” As a result, your words, backed up by non-verbal methods of control, will become even more convincing.
WHEN you rest
GESTURE: Gently, lightly touching, run your palm along his neck along the hairline. Rub your hair, and then, going down a couple of centimeters, massage your neck and return to the hair again.
What's the matter
Running your fingers through his hair, you give him a feeling of care and comfort. This is a universal gesture: it is used by birds that clean each other's feathers, and animals that gently bite each other, and people seeking to demonstrate their mutual affection.
And a light massage of the neck, whose muscles are often tense after a working day, will make him feel more relaxed and peaceful next to you. A great way to deal with work stress!
When you need to defuse the situation, do not wait until he "boils", touch his shoulder.
IF you want to compliment him
GESTURE: Would you like to tell him how amazing, unique, masculine, sexy and loved he is? No need for so many words, just slap him on the buttocks.
What's the matter
For men, a slap on the soft spot is a non-verbal way of showing that they are "super". With this gesture you express your admiration and support. Pay attention to team sports for men: you will see that in the event of a victory, a successful throw or a goal scored, the players do not hesitate to slap each other on the behind or a little higher, thus expressing their admiration for each other. Let's embrace this idea!
IF you want to fool around
GESTURE: Do you have more interesting plans for tonight than watching TV? Run your hand along the inside of his thigh, as close as possible to the genitals, but without touching them.
What's the matter
The upper inner thigh is extremely sensitive - it is here that the nerve endings that connect to the genitals are located. And the skin in this place is very delicate, since there are quite a few muscles there. This movement will ignite it instantly, and an interesting (and guaranteed passionate) continuation of the evening is guaranteed for you.
WHEN you want to say "I love you"
GESTURE: Run your hand across his cheek. You've seen this gesture many times in romantic movies. It usually precedes a kiss.
What's the matter
A man's face (especially a freshly shaved one) is very sensitive - after all, there are tactile sensors near each hair follicle. In addition, touching the face, you emphasize the emotional connection with the person.
And understand him
With the help of touch, you can not only say something, but also understand how your man feels. It all depends on how he reacts to your gestures.
For example, if you feel your knee muscles tremble when you apologize, he is overly excited and unresponsive at the moment. Take a break to let it cool down. Watch the position of his body - as soon as he turns slightly towards you, act: now he "hears" you. Stroke his other knee and increase your eloquence.
Sometimes it is not at all necessary to wait for the whole body to turn - pay attention to his feet: if the socks are turned towards you, he is already ready to compromise and is far from being as angry as he tries to show.
If he does not react in any way, it is worth waiting a bit: now he is completely “in himself”, give him time to open up.
Just be careful! By closely observing his reaction to your movements, you will very quickly learn to understand body language and will never dream of psychic mind reading again. After all, everything is much simpler.
