RN, age: 15 / 21.11.2017

Responses:

Don't worry like that! Most likely the problem is in the tutor who is not working on consolidating the material with you. Our brain is designed in such a way that we need to repeat the same thing over and over, including by solving practical problems. So refuse his services, start reading the textbook yourself, watch free lectures, make cards with formulas and keep them in front of your eyes, solve many problems. Even if you do not have the ability for this subject, patience and work will grind everything and you will be able to get not only 4, but even 5. Most importantly, do not lose sight of any topics, eliminate gaps in knowledge (for example, how exactly do you know the multiplication table "Can you play it extremely fast? This is very important). Calmly and methodically go to your goal, you will succeed. Your parents are just trying to motivate you. So do not worry

Marina, age: 23 / 21.11.2017

Hello! First of all, I want to tell you - you are a very, very diligent person! This is a huge plus that at such a young age you are trying to improve your studies, do not forget about it. It is also very commendable that you want your parents to be proud of you, do not want to upset them. You are a great son!
Just remember not to beat yourself up like that! The more you worry, the harder it will be to learn. Please try to calm down, I understand it's not easy, but I'm sure you can handle it! After all, stress does not have a positive effect on the body, on the brain. Take care of your precious health, don't let stress destroy you. Remember, knowledge can always be improved, learning is never too late, but health is harder to improve.
It will be a huge plus if you start to study this subject more on your own, deepening your knowledge.
You have great potential, you are diligent and purposeful - I am sure that you can do everything! Most importantly, always be calm. I wish you the best, I believe in you! ;)

Rimma, age: 19/21/11/2017

Ivan, age: 37 / 11/21/2017

Good afternoon! I can say from my own experience: fear, a feeling of worthlessness have a very strong effect on the result. It is dangerous to be in this state all the time. Who hasn't failed? Open any biography of any famous person. How many cases are there when everything went to victory, but the result was sad - due to circumstances beyond his control. But people did not lose heart and moved on. You know, a friend of mine who is successful in banking, once thought that after university he sent more than 100 resumes to get the job that he needed! Therefore, do not worry! This will not achieve anything. Don't make yourself sick! If you are a believer, read prayers, this will help you stay calm. If not, calm yourself, say that everything will be fine. You do not need 5, but only 4! Good luck!

Svetlana, age: 38 / 22.11.2017

Hello. Analyze whether the material began to be easier for you after additional classes, whether the topics became clearer, maybe you should change the tutor, a lot depends on him.

Irina, age: 29 / 22.11.2017

Hi! I really sympathize with you. Just don't despair. If you die, you will definitely disappoint your parents. They love you regardless of your grades. Naturally, they will scold you for triples, this is because they are worried about you, for your future. You can still fix everything, there is still a lot of time before the exam) You go to a tutor, and for all additional ones, and study at home, then you will definitely be able to improve your result) The main thing is that you have the desire for this) Remember that grades are not the main thing in life. And exams are not as scary as it might seem. Do not lose hope for the best) If this problem worries you so much, then you can talk to a psychologist online. And you can also ask the Lord for help) God created you a wonderful person, He loves you very much and will never leave you) Ask Him for help more often and it will become easier for you) I wish you finding the meaning of life, more patience and strength, good family relationships, academic success, good health, always good mood, happiness, more love, joy and peace in life and all the best! God help you! Guardian Angel to you!

Anastasia, age: 11/19/2017

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“I stop working with children”: the shocking revelations of a professional tutor

In our time, tutoring is flourishing - no one sees anything shameful in inviting a person to "reach" the school curriculum with a child, so such specialists are in great demand. And for some reason it never occurs to anyone that the fashion for tutors is the clearest evidence of the gaping failures in the system of Russian school education.

A post in which a professional English tutor Maria Kovina-Gorelik talks about the features of her work, relationships with children and parents, as well as her attitude to school.

This post is dedicated to the work of a children's tutor from the angle from which I see it. It is addressed primarily to parents of schoolchildren (current and potential).

In general, children are terrible customers. If only because they, as a rule, do not study in the summer. From the reverse side, it looks disgusting: in May, a wave of recent calls throws tutors dead tired for a year, but in need of work, to the sites of tutoring services.

In September, my phone can receive up to three applications a day, in May the site kindly reports that 112 colleagues have responded to an interesting order before me. For a tutor, this means that the whole year you need to carefully set aside certain amounts for the summer, but with the onset of summer, it turns out that just now (and only now) he has time to go to Ikea, be like a massage, cure his teeth and do a lot more completely. urgent matters. Savings are melting by July. August is gloomy.

This alone is enough to make requests to take another baby on board not seem so harmless. If you take "babies" all your schedule, the summer can be more than dull.

But this is so, an economic prelude. Secrets of the profession. I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't want to go into this at all, but I see some benefit in the revelations. I want people who ask me or another teacher to "work out a little" with their Katya, Vasya and Petya, "slightly tighten up according to the program" well understand what they are asking for and respect other people's work, time, schedule, failures and motives of these failures.

It must be understood that a tutor never works in a vacuum. He works closely with parents and the school, and the child in all this rigmarole takes the last place, and should be the first. In principle, this says it all, but I know that it is not clear. So I will continue.

Parents hire me as a qualified teacher and expect high professional qualities. Sound assumptions about my professional qualities look something like this: I know the language well, I know how to talk about it in an interesting way, I know the methods, I orient myself in manuals, and I also know how to find an approach, interest, and, in general, do all this incomprehensible magic that will finally make their child to do lessons or just to understand something.

Parents expect me to recognize what the problem is specifically with their child and help resolve the problem.

These are logical expectations and are in line with the qualifications available. However, this is not important, it is important due to what, on what fuel, thanks to which I can do all this. And I know how to do this through subtle listening, vision and understanding, which, alas, cannot be limited.

And this means, dear parents, that I will see, hear and understand a lot not only about the connection "child - English", but also about other related connections, for example, "child - parents", "child - school", "child - the environment", "the child is himself", "the child is the level of his intellectual, emotional and mental development", "the child is his hormonal background" and so on. This means that I will see far more than what you want me to see.

If a child has alarm bells that are beyond my competence, I will see it. If the child is behind in development, I will see it. If a child is exhausted physically or emotionally, I will see it. And if you mistreat your child, I will see it.

I'm talking about three real cases. I didn’t stay in any of these houses: in the first two cases, I left myself, in the last one, they parted with me with the wording “You are too good for us” (this is not a joke, ladies and gentlemen).

1. A boy, 11 years old, was called to improve Russian and English. Tellingly, he requested a tutor himself, because he felt that he was lagging behind and could not cope. A wonderful family, three boys, a cat was recently brought in. Relations are warm, the boys have a separate room, good conditions. The child studies in an elite school, and he studies there every day from 9 am to 6 pm: in the morning - compulsory lessons, in the afternoon - endless drama clubs, modeling, additional physical education and other poems to the button accordion. I came at 7 and we worked until 9.

After two months of classes once a week, I took my mother aside and said that, alas, we are not progressing, and that, according to my concepts, the load should not be increased, but reduced. That is to cancel at least me to hell. We parted amicably.

The situation is far from being the most critical, but there is a complete misunderstanding of physical capabilities, norms and limitations. Mom is a psychologist by training, but for some reason she managed to see black circles under the eyes of her beloved son.

It is difficult for an 11-year-old person to realize that there are good physiological reasons for his misunderstanding. It cannot even enter his head that HE, YOUR MOTHER, FUCKED UP LIKE SIDOROV'S GOAT, EVERY DAY TO GO TO SCHOOL FOR A FULL WORKING DAY!!! And that it shouldn't be.

The final touch: the child was sent to London for spring break. Learn the language. Of course, what else to do on vacation?! Rest? Wallow at home, play with brothers and a cat? Go to museums? For children's shows? Why, if you can go with strangers to an unfamiliar country, where you can move in an organized manner under the guidance of teachers and finish learning what you have not learned in a semester. We give the child the Best Education that will fit into him. Including any tutor that asks.

And he will ask. More than once.

2. Hired to work out with a brother (11-12) and sister (16). In total, there are four children in the family, a large apartment, signs of prosperity and well-being. Fashionably dressed kids are busy in a pile of toys. Both students speak well, although the boy is noticeably fidgeting and constantly pushing himself, and the girl is all in nervous tics and stutters a little. At the second lesson, the boy suddenly cannot say literally anything, all his attempts are confused, he sways in his chair and repeats “I don’t know” and “I can’t do it”, like a parrot, the state is close to hysterical.

My gentle calls from different ends do not bring any results. I'm calling mom. The child, realizing that now they will discuss him, runs out of the room in tears and shouting: “I tried, but I didn’t succeed!”

I gently try to explain to my mother what is happening with her son, without using dangerous words from the field of psychology and emphasizing that the situation is beyond my competence as a teacher. That the child needs help (URGENT, YOUR MOTHER!!! QUALIFIED!!! PSYCHOLOGICAL!!! HELP!!!)

She takes it in her own way, and tells me literally the following: “I, of course, understand that you are paid to teach the language, and not to tame such subs.” Then she puts pressure on me and manipulates me in every possible way, but since I have seen some episodes of her and the father's treatment of children, I hold firm, knowing that I will not work in this family.

The mother comes out of the room with the text: “Well, what have you brought to. You are being rejected!"

I leave the apartment under a heart-rending howl. I wouldn't be surprised if a belt came into play that evening.

If at least some social services worked for us, I would report this family. But they do not work, as well as the school and many other state and social institutions. But in Moscow there are more than 10 thousand tutors only in my subject. How many times do we go to someone's house and see this there? And do we see?

3. They persuaded me to work out with the girl (they wanted me, they agreed with my mother for a long time, as a result I decided to take it).

Tiny Khrushchev and inside - a picture of frozen time: a carpet on the wall, an icon on the carpet, a million porcelain figurines, napkins, plastic roses in a vase. An environment that makes you want to fly up, stripping naked and washing yourself in the rain along the way. At home, a grandmother who, after several meetings, outlines her life in approximately the following terms: “what time is it now”, “I raised three”, “35 years at school”, etc.

During the lesson, the doors do not close, grandmother walks back and forth. The girl is 12 and hardly speaks. Not in any language. Especially she does not speak when the grandmother's route runs past our table.

For an hour and a half, with a wet back, I arrange a puppet theater for the girl, funny pictures, the best friend of children and other polyphonic etudes, because the girl is silent. From time to time I cling to the semblance of a twinkle in my eyes. I squeeze a few hopeless words out of her.

After a couple of classes, we proceed to the innocent topic “Family”, and from confused explanations I pull out the following with pincers: the girl has a mother, a stepfather and a brother with whom she does not live. About her brother, she cannot decide in any way whether he exists or not, and I, completely bewildered, am forced to ask again several times in every way in different languages. Because I do not immediately understand how this is possible.

And then I understand. I understand that the girl has a good computer from her mother and a plan to go to London together in March (and in this regard, my grandmother, who is “35 years in school,” gives me valuable pedagogical advice: at each lesson, memorize a few useful expressions with her granddaughter just in time for the trip).

But there is no mother. Mom lives with her beloved man and new son. And the girl lives in the midst of icons and napkins with her grandmother, whose brains have gone sideways and stuck in the post-war period.

And at home, for two weeks I have been trying to somehow come to terms with the situation, although I want to yell for a long time. Call mom - and yell. Put the grandmother in the hallway - and yell. But I pull myself together, because I think: maybe the Lord brought me there on purpose, so that at least somehow? To show the girl that there are other human species? What's the difference, well, yes, through the English language, since it happened so. Can I? I don't have an answer to this question.

So far, the girl is afraid of absolutely any of my proposals, which is not surprising for a person who is afraid of the sound of his own voice. And here I am whole, I have red lipstick, I smile. And I'm not afraid of anything. But after a couple of weeks, my grandmother calls me herself and says that I have an excellent technique and they are completely satisfied with everything, only the girl is too busy, so they decided to wait a little with the language. And I sigh with shameful, lead-heavy relief.

Your girl has no problems with English.

She also doesn't have a mother.

What the hell is English here? Which London?

The horror is that absolutely all these people are sure that they love their children very much. They do the best for them. And everything in their family is in order, and if not in order, then everything is still not entirely bad, and in general it is none of my business. I was invited to teach English.

PLACE FOR PAUSE AND READER'S THOUGHT

Brief remark: I have wonderful children in my students. We have been working with them for a long time and productively. They have normal parents - not ideal, no, there are also nuances, but normal. However, it's not just the parents, so let's move on.

It's embarrassing to talk about how the school has degraded over the past decades. Firstly, I didn’t work there and I won’t go for anything, and to find fault with what I didn’t succeed in and didn’t even try is below the belt. Secondly, so much has already been said that it is sickening.

But it doesn't change the essence. School doesn't teach anything. Suffice it to say that I have as many as three students from one specialized English school, where they have English for 7-8 hours a week. And they need a tutor. Just think about these numbers, it's complete madness!

The terrible truth is that I cannot completely reinstall them on normal human rails, because in ten years the school has etched such ruts inside them, from which you can’t pick them out later. And no matter how much parents have hopes that I will teach them to talk, I will not teach them. This can be done by tearing them out of the school's perception of reality, and this is exactly what you can try to do in the summer, that is, during the period when there is no school.

But in the summer, as I already wrote, they do not work. Summer is sacred. Let's kill ourselves until the volvulus of the intestines during the year, and we will kill exponentially so that by the end of the 11th grade, to the Unified State Examination, we will crawl in a really dangerous state under the arms with tutors in all the subjects to be handed over, but we will not touch the summer. Just when it would be possible to make a qualitative breakthrough, disguising it as a pleasant pastime, with films, songs, and other human activities, etc., we will not allow even 3 hours a week to allocate for slightly loading a rested and fresh brain.

In several test papers issued after checking, I found incomprehensible places and asked: “Didn’t you come up to clarify what was meant here?” - to which the child answered me: "I was convinced that it is better not to ask questions." In some there were outright mistakes on the part of teachers (English school, yes). But in general, if someone is not in the know, verified tests and other works are now usually not returned. Of course, why know what exactly your mistake was, your business is to know the grade and try to improve it on the next attempts. How? As you wish.

They still learn topics and retell them in class. For example, about the Indians. As I remember now, one of the heroes of the text was called POPOKATEPETL. I remember another topic about Moscow City. Like how many meters Tower "Federation". After that, they are surprised that children do not speak well. WHAT IS THERE TO SAY SOMETHING IF THIS IS A SOMETHING CODE, COMPLETELY UNUSED FOR NORMAL HUMAN PURPOSES?!!! And what can I do with my three hours against school eight? But of course I try. And something, I must say, I succeed, albeit with great difficulty.

However, the expectations of parents, as a rule, are shattered on the rocks in this place. Therefore, I will say directly and clearly: dear friends, if you want your child to do well in a subject at school, then the safest way to achieve this will be to act parallel to the school according to its settings, which I personally will never do, because I cannot. Organically.

If you want your child to speak at least someday (this most likely will not happen at school, more powerful shocks are needed here than three hours a week with a tutor), then you can hand him over to me, I will turn his brains into the right side, and when the school hassle loosens its grip, it will have the opportunity to plant further language teaching on more or less intelligent yeast.

This is all that I can do, because all the other "good" results are achieved either through drill and violence, or with initially different initial data.

It is impossible to make sure that he does well in an average school with its insane requirements and ill-conceived formats, and speaks fluently and well in English on really relevant, life topics at the same time. This equation will NEVER converge.

They do not know how to think here and now.

They do not know how to use sources and reference books.

They don't know how to apply the known to the unknown.

They do not know how to cross information, draw conclusions, compare, generalize.

They don’t know at all that after “I don’t know” some actions can follow, except for “sit down, two.”

The minimum difficulty brings them to a completely inoperative state (the nuances are rich and correlate with their personal characteristics: someone is furious, someone is desperately dumb, someone every time feels the collapse of all hopes, someone throws all his strength into maintaining the illusion of his own viability ). At this point, they are busy with anything but English, and I spend time, attention, energy to breathe normal life into them.

By the way, it is inhaled ONLY after such moments experienced differently than through pulling back, appeals to conscience and other common teaching techniques.

I tune it all up like a huge harp, and then they go to school, where they upset me this harp.

Grade 11 deserves special mention. Now I have two adorable dolls in my hands, soon to be released. To say that their intellectual abilities have fallen is to say nothing, but I have known them for 3 years.

The girls are like seaweed in raspberry syrup and don't think a damn thing. They yawn from monstrous fatigue, besides they are in love and lose weight. All tables are pasted over with pieces of paper with mathematical formulas, historical facts, quotes from Pasternak and hearts of a more frivolous content. They get a migraine, then a stomach infection. I feel terribly sorry for them.

At school, they do absolutely nothing all year long, except for runs in the form of the Unified State Examination, although it’s a no brainer that the test format can only be a test format, but not an educational one. I repeat like a mantra: "Sleep and cartoons," but they don't listen. They are completely unable to study effectively, but they cannot do anything other than study until they are completely glazed.

Half-deliriously, they rush to repeat three types of conditional sentences (and repeat, by the way, not without success, because this is an understandable scheme that you can cling to). But they are completely powerless to describe the decor of their room or a picture from the fairy tale "Cinderella", as well as to give birth to another thought of their own.

Parents enthusiastically warm up the degree of general nerves. They ask me: “Do you think she will pass?” - "Surrender" - I confidently answer, realizing that at least someone needs to stand exactly in this field of crazy feather grass. It would be better for the children if it were their parents, but who knows. Maybe if they knew how, I wouldn't be needed at all.

Feeling of total, general disconnect and ill health. Parents do not perform their functions. The school is not doing its job. A tutor comes to this and tries to do something. It suffers, in fact, defeat - because with my capabilities and knowledge, with support and fair winds, I could achieve results with these children that I now only dream of.

Therefore, for the near future I will stop working with children. I'm dead tired of fighting windmills, seeing things that hurt, getting bumped for things other people don't do. I like kids. I can work with them. But with my parents and school - no, and I probably won’t study. I'd rather wait until these kids grow up and figure out what's what. Actually, it is with such people that I work with great pleasure at the moment, finding in almost every adult a child who was once long and difficultly tormented.

And I don’t have the strength to watch it in real time anymore.

And a couple of recent episodes from our NON-school life.

1. The daughter, returning from a walk with a new boy she knew, spoke about their conversation on near-academic topics: “When he found out that I was studying at home, at first he said that it was cool, and then that they were not prepared for the exam at all, they themselves think what to do". Question: who needs such a school?

2. Today they wrote a "ministerial" control in Russian. The text of the task was compiled by “very special people”)) There are gross errors in Russian in the task in Russian. In some places, the wording is so sloppy that it is not possible to complete the task with full confidence that you understand what “the author wanted to say”.

I myself have been a tutor since 2009. I work part-time, but I don't work. I believe that when tutoring becomes a business, the search for students becomes a pursuit of them, and the entrepreneurial educator simply gains more clients, whether they really need extra classes or not.

I passed the exam in Russian language, literature, English, physics and mathematics. And I prepared for all these subjects myself (the school held additional - free - classes in physics and English). All these subjects passed on 80+. That is why I am critical of tutors and tutoring.

In my opinion, tutoring has one huge minus: tutoring atrophies the student's ability to self-organize. When every week a person comes to a child who thinks out a program for him, homework, exercises in the lesson, then the student simply will not need to think about managing his time. Other people do it for him.
But what happens next? A schoolboy takes the Unified State Examination, enters a university, and there no one will "graze" him. Such a student does not know how to methodically prepare for exams, read the necessary literature on time, and do assignments. And it turns out that he approaches the first session with a lump of debts. Thus, the tutor does a disservice to his student.

If the child does not have serious difficulties in the subject, he is able to independently prepare for the exams. A person must learn to set goals and paint a strategy to achieve these goals. Otherwise, in life after school, he simply will not survive. The child should feel that it is he who is responsible for his academic performance, for the quality of learning. Tutors simply interrupt this sense of responsibility in the student. That is why families annoy me, where it is believed that once they hired a tutor, then they now have a demand for the results of the student; that the very fact of having a tutor is the key to success.

When I see that a student is able to study well without me, I have a conversation with parents and explain that tutoring is unnecessary for them. But in most cases, they treat my words with distrust. With a tutor, they are calmer.
I especially dislike cases when parents hire a tutor for the purpose of "helping with homework, with mastering the program." But why, in fact, does a controlling person constantly hang over a child? Well, he doesn’t want to study literature, well, he doesn’t pull on the top five in Russian - and God bless him! I categorically do not understand parents who invite tutors to schoolchildren in grades 1-8. Why is there any coaching at all in the intermediate link? Let the child learn as he learns: not everyone has to be excellent students!

On the other hand, there are times when additional classes are really necessary. I had a girl with dyslexia, second grade ... I suffered, suffered, but in the end I convinced my parents that they needed not a Russian tutor, but a qualified speech therapist. Listen, thank God! Then there was another boy with Attention Deficit Disorder. I also passed it to a specialist with a psychological education. Because, in fact, he had no problems in the Russian language and literature. There were guys at home schooling and external studies: yes, they need control.
A tutor will not interfere during the preparation for the Olympiads, for additional entrance tests. But no more. After all, even here - if the student wants to deepen his knowledge of the subject - he is able to independently get to additional information. I'm not boasting, of course, but by the end of the 9th grade, I had already managed to master the entire school curriculum of mathematics and got to analytical geometry and linear algebra. Herself, herself. It was just very interesting. But there was no tutor who would have prepared me for the Olympiads. Therefore, there were no outstanding results.
So - my conclusion - the tutor is good only for solving point problems, but for the rest, let the child learn to cope with difficulties, because in adulthood no one will babysit him.