Very often we doubt our relationships, we do not know what our loved ones think, how they feel. If a man pays little attention or is constantly busy, a natural question arises: do you need your man? In order to find the answer, sometimes you have to use some methods, which we will discuss in this article.
A man needs you if:
¨ He listens to you. Sometimes we do not notice how we are appreciated. Even agreeing with our decision is now a very responsible step. He listens to you, to your opinion. Even if he does not agree with you, but does what you asked him, he appreciates you;
¨ Etiquette and compliments. He tells you how wonderful, beautiful, sunny and much, much more. These are not just words, it means that he appreciates you and notices every detail in you. Not every guy will just give you a hand or open the door for you. This is a good way to find out if a man needs you;
present. This is a very vivid example of your man's attention to you. Even if he gave one gift for six months, this should not upset you. After all, trips to the store for clothes and groceries are not always carried out at your expense. And, moreover, every gift has a price, and we, women, always understand its price. Start from these considerations;
¨ Tenderness and affection on the part of your man is the exact answer to your question. And if he cannot live without your tender look and your tenderness, then he definitely needs you. Often, men, when in love, devote a lot of time to you. They give tenderness and affection without counting a minute, and after your relationship has taken a calm course, they are able not to pay much attention to tenderness.
everything for you. Yes, it sounds as believable and fabulous as in the song. But still, for the sake of the woman he wants to see next to him, a man will do anything. Of course, men are proud and important birds, and this should be taken into account, but also understand when he is ready for anything for you.
A man does NOT need you if:
¨ He does not follow his words. How to find out if a man needs you, his communication with you will tell. If he says compliments, then it looks like a performance in a cheap theater. He does not appreciate you, which means he does not choose words to address you. Insults directed at you can also be considered disrespectful. But some men do not know how to speak without profanity, and this should also be taken into account;
attention. You get it, but only when it needs something from you. For example, sex. We all understand that men cannot do without it. And if you said no, and he reacted to it rudely and inadequately, do not chase him.
How to feel the feelings of a man and find out if he needs you
Do you want to test the strength of your man's feelings? Before moving on to action, think about whether you really need to know if a man needs you, because the results of such an adventure can be the most unpredictable. If you still firmly decided to take such a step, study our proposals.
Stop asking him for a while about where he was, why he didn’t call, how he spent his day, what’s new at work, etc. Try not to show interest in his affairs. Over time, a man will notice your similar behavior, and he will begin to ask you similar counter questions;
Change yourself. For example, shop for a sexy new dress, erotic lingerie, high heels, or change your hairstyle. This is a good way to find out if your man needs you. If he is not blind, he will definitely pay attention to such changes, and then everything will directly depend on your behavior.
Do not openly draw his attention to yourself. Let him be lost in conjecture, constantly thinking about the one for whom you started such a transformation. Believe me, first of all, he will come to the conclusion that you are not just throwing money away, which means you are trying for someone;
To find out if a man needs you, you can use the help of friends. Ask your best friend, colleague, or girlfriend's husband to drive you home after work. And during a conversation with a guy at home, say - as if by the way - that you were given a lift today. It is not worth specifying the details - let your man himself think about the end of the story.
The most elementary and common way is secret SMS and phone calls. Again, let your comrades help you out. Act as if these calls or messages took you by surprise. When answering a call, use well-known clichés ("Busy. I'll call you later." or "I can't talk right now") or just hang up the call. A man's patience is not infinite - sooner or later he will boil;
You can find out if a man needs you in a cardinal way - tell him about your pregnancy. His reaction will be the reason for further action. If a guy drifts, then he is going there. But a declaration of love in response is evidence that you have a direct road to the registry office.
© Tsapleva Lera
© Photo: depositphotos.com
There come moments in life when a woman clearly understands: “I don’t need anyone at all.” This is not a complaint to a friend or a claim to her husband. This is her inner voice speaking, which means that her thoughts are sincere, and the pain is huge. The feeling of uselessness can arise regardless of age, financial security, the number of acquaintances, the presence of a family. At such moments, an emptiness forms inside, and you don’t see how you can correct the situation.
The germ of this feeling, as a rule, is formed in childhood. If the parents were too busy with their careers or personal lives and did not devote enough time to the child, he could not talk to them, consult - already at that moment he realized that no one needed him, and this feeling was firmly planted inside. Then different situations can occur - job loss, divorce, and all these emotions return again. If your problem has the same roots, try to analyze the situation. You know that your parents loved you. Perhaps they simply could not find a way to express their love, tenderness, care.
What to do?
In fact, there is a way out and not even one. First, do you really feel the need to be needed by someone? What does this need mean to you?
Many people live enjoying life, satisfy their own needs, fulfill their own desires and are happy at the same time. These people are self-sufficient, they do not need the love of others, they do not need confirmation of their own significance. Someone may call them egoists - but what's the difference? In fact, the state of loneliness is inevitable. After all, sooner or later the children will grow up and leave for their own home, and there is no guarantee that the partner will not stop loving.
So the most important thing that a person can have is to learn to appreciate and be grateful for the moments of loneliness that fate gives. After all, this is an opportunity to devote time to yourself, your interests, development. All you need to do is make the right use of the opportunities that arise.
If this option does not suit you, then another option remains - to become necessary: to take the first step, to help solve someone's problem, to be there when they need it, to develop yourself. The problem of a person who does not develop relationships with others may lurk in himself. Have you seen many cheerful, cheerful people who are of no use to anyone?
At the same time, gloomy and withdrawn people do not cause a desire to communicate with them, because with their whole appearance they show that they do not want to make contact. A person who smiles always attracts others. No wonder - after all, it seems to others that he has no problems, and they want to join this atmosphere of carelessness.
In fact, everything can be different: everyone has problems, difficult situations, issues that needed to be resolved yesterday. But there are people who will never show by their appearance that it is hard for them. They know that problems attract new problems. Therefore, these people are always in an excellent mood - this is their habit. If you work it out in yourself, you will see how the situation changes.
The value of a person for others is measured by what he can give them. It can be knowledge, attention, care, help. Take care of yourself, master your profession to perfection, acquire the necessary skills, develop talents.
If you have something to give to another, you are definitely needed by someone. The question may be that you want to be needed by the wrong people. In these cases, you need to be extremely careful - when you endlessly give without receiving anything in return, sooner or later nothing remains. This is how this inner emptiness is formed, causing so much pain. From here there are complexes, experiences, a feeling of uselessness. You need to get out of these relationships.
Someone else absolutely needs you - it's time to look around. Just don't offer your soul to the first person you meet. Appreciate yourself, and then the person who is next to you will also appreciate you.
There are many people who need and need support - both children and adults. There are various funds helping them. If you feel an urgent need to be needed, find out which organizations in your area deal with such issues. They always need people. So you will not only save yourself from inner emptiness, but also make the world a better place, and also find new friends.
When you lose a loved one
Sometimes terrible events occur, after which it is difficult to recover and it really seems that no one needs you. Sometimes dear and close people who were the meaning of life for us leave. There is nothing left but to gather strength and live on.
Psychologists recommend finding an activity that can distract you at least for a while. It is very important not to close within four walls, but to go out. Walking will help you recover a little and understand that life has not stopped.
Olga, St. Petersburg
The state of depression is one of the most destructive. And, unfortunately, not so rare. It is especially common in women. It is they who ask in terrible hours of loneliness: “How to live on? How to live if no one needs you? Maybe it’s better then not to live at all?”
And a new love will help to forget him ...
Honestly, this question is rhetorical. A person may not be needed by absolutely anyone in extremely rare situations. There is definitely someone on earth who needs to communicate with you. But you yourself reject this communication or underestimate it. "How to live if no one needs you?" - usually asks the one who suddenly realizes that she doesn’t need just one, but significant person for her. And it hurts to realize this at any age: at fifteen and twenty-eight, at forty-five and sixty-three ... In this case, only following the saying can help: "Wedge with a wedge." That is, it is necessary at this moment to shake things up and go to the “seizure of new frontiers”. Fresh love, new feelings, a lover who has appeared will surely dull the pain and instill in the soul the understanding that a woman is loved again, necessary, in demand. And the question will be forgotten: “How to live if no one needs you?”
Male view on the problem of loneliness and female
But has anyone thought about why the question is formulated in this form: “How to live if no one needs you?”, And not in this way: “How to live if no one needs you?” Why do they suffer more acutely than men? But this happens most often because it is the representatives of the weaker sex who project their entire inner world onto the chosen one. In men, besides love, there are usually other priorities, such as career, friends, hobbies. So, to prevent this from happening to you, you - a woman - must take care of yourself in advance. You should not "dissolve" in your beloved without a trace. You also need to provide yourself with a rear: lead an active lifestyle even after marriage, do not limit yourself to family interests, do not lose friends, have hobbies, strive for self-improvement, read, go to theaters, go to festivals and sports competitions. In no case should we allow the loss of the meaning of life! There is nothing in the world more precious than life - and you have been given it. So, you are already the chosen one, and not some ungrateful and unworthy mortal, but God himself.
The death of a loved one is the most difficult test
Another question is when a close and dear person dies. This loss is hard to accept, hard to comprehend. It is especially painful when children are lost... A mother who has dedicated herself to her children feels after their death that now there is no meaning to life. But even in this situation, the above tips help. It is easier to survive the loss of those who, in addition to children, had other interests in life: favorite work, hobbies, friends, creativity. But if life is already at sunset, and the woman has lost all the listed outlets, what should be done in this case? Then we will apply the “wedge by wedge” position. No, in this situation, no one advises looking for a lover, although this option is not excluded. But there is such a way of "survival" as helping those who are worse than you. Lost souls often find a way out in helping the disabled, abandoned animals, suffering from care, affection, love. Those whom you warm in difficult times will respond with such a vivid reciprocal feeling that loneliness will recede into the background. And now someone who really needs you will appear in fate. Love and be loved!
Sometimes people have such an inexplicable feeling that "no one needs me." The feeling is so strong and causes such an internal “distortion” that no matter who you come into contact with, you see that people just don’t give a damn about you, that you don’t need a single living soul, not even “friends” and wife, and if you need so they need something from you, You no one needs him. Everything good, pleasant and just normal that happens when communicating between people is simply not perceived and not felt. Over time, these constant "betrayals" only accumulate, and eventually hatred arises. How else to react to you?
This is a colossal veil, absolute. And the reason for everything is a big scar in the soul - resentment. Childish insult. Resentment, on the dearest and most important person - Mom. Very often this is an insult by birth precisely "on mother." Over time, a person grows up, and resentment ceases to be personified. Those. the person is simply in a state of resentment. The most severe condition, inadequate.
This is exclusively a problem for people with an anal vector. Firstly, only they can be offended, and secondly, insults of this kind are simply a stoppage of life for them. Nothing, I'll wait until next time. And it doesn't matter that there won't be a next time.
To begin with, understand what the anal vector is, and how resentment arises in it. Then you need to work hard to understand how people with other vectors, for example, with the skin one, react on us, anal people. Take a little break from yourself. (Read why mom is the most important person for an anal baby)
Here is a cry from the heart of one blog:
The depression dragged on. For six months now, the loneliness that I love so much has been slowly destroying me. Every day I contact with a dozen people, but none of them need me. I am constantly looking for new acquaintances, but new acquaintances do not need me either. Looking for old acquaintances, but they don't even remember me.
Sunday again. You wake up in the morning and realize that no one needs you. To feel the presence of someone, you take a book and go to the park. But walking young mothers only increase the feeling of your uselessness. After all, you remember that the girl you loved so much calculated that the n-th amount was needed to support the family. Otherwise, the family does not need you. After the park you go to the cinema. But even if you are not going alone, you will still have to think about the film and discuss its meaning and subtext alone. It's boring for people around you to hear what you think. They do not need your thoughts caused by viewing the picture. They don't need you.
Another work week. It would seem that at work they love and appreciate you, but they only need your skills. They don't need you. You want to learn new things, generate ideas, but no one needs this. You are considered a cog in the mechanism, and all your ideas are ridiculous and useless. And no one will help in difficult times. Ready to just step up. Because no one wants you there.
You go to the gym, but it's like you're doing it alone. No one called and asked why you were gone for a whole week. Nobody will ask. They don't need you either.
Holidays, gifts... It takes a painfully long time to think about what to give to whom. You put yourself in their place. You remember every conversation, every hint. And from a dozen you choose what is really worthy of the name of the gift. You travel for several days to find him. Be proud that your gift will be remembered. And in return, they give you some filth that will gather dust and cause only pain. Or even donate money. Or even forgotten. Because no one thinks about you. Nobody needs you.
Nobody cares when you're sad. You turn out to be needed only by smiling, scattering in compliments and helping everyone. But as soon as you open up and talk about what worries you, you become unnecessary. The pain comes when you are advised to work on yourself, earn money, buy a cat. This only reinforces the belief that no one needs me.
No friends at all. Always ready to go at any time of the day to any part of the city to help or support a person, but no one will come to my request. How much you need to help a person, give advice, solve problems for him, so that he becomes a friend. I am always ready to help with joy and sacrificing myself. But no one will sacrifice himself for me. Nobody needs me.
Again, no girl. Long time no. Occasionally you find someone, but despite all the good that you bring her, no matter how many gifts you give and no matter how much you entertain her, she will not come if you are sick. A couple of dry tips on the phone and that's it. You'll have to make your own raspberry tea. Because she doesn't need me.
When a man cries, it's a terrible sight. I vaguely remember this process from my childhood. But when several times, half an hour before the start, the girl cancels the cultural program, the plans of which you have been hatching for a whole week. When you are constantly advised where to go for a picnic or in which cafe to sit, but they never invite you. When you agree to buy roller skates by the first warm days, jump off with a parachute, go to the sea for the weekend, etc., and then they refuse everything ... It's impossible to keep it in yourself. Especially if it happens several times a week. Especially if at that moment you are freezing from a high temperature. Especially when you realize that no one cares about all this.
The mother should be able to help. But she also constantly reproaches me for everything, adding the interrogative-affirmative phrase "who needs you" at the end.
I went through all the contacts in the mail, all my colleagues, all my acquaintances. No one can send a message like I wrote. No one will read it and no one will help.
The phone is silent. Silent almost constantly. Occasionally he calls and says that someone needs something from me. And nobody needs me...
just that no one needs me, and if you need it, it’s only because even when I have a wife, children, friends, and even such an important thing as a company of friends with beer.
They don't need me anyway.
What is adequate and what is not, it is not for us to judge ... Someone else's soul is darkness.
This is not true! Shine a flashlight here. Then put resentment on the couch and put a clock on her so that she can see how life ticks away in front of her year after year.
If you think the world around you owes you something, I have bad news. You may have heard this phrase before: no one owes you anything. And indeed it is. But in real life, most people are sure that those around them and fate owe them something just because they exist.
I used to think so myself. I thought that my life would turn out like clockwork. That I will realize my dreams, that I will become rich and famous. Just because I'm a great guy. After all, great guys always become successful in everything.
Isn't it ridiculous to think so? And how much suffering a person is able to inflict on himself, faced with one terrible injustice - the world does not give him everything he wants so much. It does not give a good job, good employees, good partners, friends, does not give a faithful girl, and so on... After watching films about success, motivational videos, reading inspiring quotes and books, a person thinks that he is ready to receive all the laurels.
And laurels just don't come in real life. In real life, there is too much competition for these laurels. And the sooner you realize this and stop living in illusions that success will suddenly come to you from somewhere and lift you to heaven, the more saving for you. More time will be left to create results.
Look at the people who surround you. Listen to what they're talking about. If you hear complaints from them again and again, dissatisfaction with life and people, be sure that they are deeply immersed in their illusions, which I mentioned above. And they don't seem to want to leave.
Because it is very convenient to live in illusions. This is a wonderful comfort zone that is difficult to part with. Which is easier: complaining about the fact that the boss is ... (insert any suitable word), and colleagues are dull ... (insert another suitable word), or do it in such a way as to end up in a place where the boss commands respect and a desire to learn him, and colleagues inspire with their teamwork and personal qualities?
Alas, we live in a society of whiners. Why? I think whining is a great way to spend unrealized energy. After all, as I said, the majority believes that the world owes them. But a person cannot get what he wants just because .... (insert a list of complaints here).
So why "no one needs you"? Just so no one? After all, you have parents, friends, a beloved woman, other close people. It's great that they exist. But no one needs you precisely in the event that you are nothing of yourself and do not carry any value to this world.
If you don’t develop your abilities, don’t look for answers to the question “what can I be great at?”, don’t try again and again to get results, don’t take responsibility for these results, don’t learn new things and don’t conquer new peaks - you nobody needs.
Put yourself in the place of each of those who would be interested in becoming necessary to you, and then everything will fall into place.
- Do you need an employee who performs duties with a “left foot” and even asks for an increase in salary?
- Do you need a friend who does not keep his word, fails, with whom there is nothing to talk about and who cannot be trusted with something personal and important?
- Do you need a son who has long grown out of childhood, but still whines, complains about life and asks for money? Who can't pick a time to just call or come visit so you know he's doing well? The son in whom you have invested your strength and soul, but who spends his life in alcohol, meaningless parties and other destructive things and is not even going to create anything of value in his life?
- Do you need a girl who lies, who will be unfaithful, who looks like a pacifier, who has no sincerity?
Nobody needs you while you wander in the illusions of "I'm handsome and the world owes me." You probably won't be told this to your face, but it's worth knowing about. I am well aware that my family does not need me either, being dull, lazy, not bringing money into the house, not having serious plans for the future and without striving to realize them. I am not needed by my woman who is unromantic, who does not pay attention to her, who does not tell her how much she means to me. My son does not need me with a sad face and disappearing somewhere for days on end. My partners do not need me if I do not bring profit to our projects. This world doesn't need me. So I don't need myself. And this is the most important thing. The realization of this simple fact gives a huge advantage in life.
While someone drains their strength on the senseless shaking of the air with their complaints and grievances, you work on your skills, train your competence, become such that others want to see you as a friend, valuable employee, boss, etc. And already through the value that you can coolly create for the world, you will become truly necessary to yourself. It's damn inspiring - to see your results, to gain faith in yourself through the need for other people. Necessity in the good sense of the word. Others need you because it is you who is able to bring good to their lives, and not because you are easy to use to solve everyday problems.
And if you still believe that you should be accepted as you are, then it’s too early for you to think about my article, because it will give one more reason to complain.
