Quite often it happens that people have to do what they don’t want to do at all, and all because they simply could not refuse a request from relatives, friends, colleagues in time. Is it possible to save yourself from performing unpleasant assignments and how to learn to refuse people? In fact, this is not so difficult to do, the main thing is to heed the recommendations of experienced psychologists.

Experts say that those who constantly agree to help others to the detriment of their own interests sooner or later face problems such as headaches, stress, depression, dissatisfaction with life. Is it worth putting yourself in such danger or is it better to try to understand how to correctly and tactfully refuse the asking person?

First of all, you need to determine whether a friend, relative or colleague really needs help. Perhaps he simply wants to shift the execution of duties that are unpleasant for him onto other people's shoulders. If we are talking about a task with which the asker can perfectly cope on his own, spending a little more time and effort, you just need to rid yourself of guilt.

They ask for a favor, as a rule, those who have a high degree of responsibility for everything that happens and are distinguished by perfectionism (the desire to bring everything to the end). Therefore, you need to understand for yourself: it is impossible to do everything for others, and no one is to blame for this, except for those who have not managed to correctly plan their time and effort to solve their affairs. So, the first “secret” of how to competently refuse a person’s request is to decide for yourself that you owe nothing to anyone and put your interests in the first place.

Ability to handle different forms of rejection

There are several simple ways that can help how to refuse a person culturally and at the same time not offend him. The most banal, but at the same time the most effective, is to refer to your own employment, especially if this is true. In some cases, a friend or colleague may go further and ask for a favor “for the future”, that is, when you have free time. Experts recommend not to give instant consent, but to warn: it is possible that after the end of the first case you will have a second, third, and so on.

If the asker is especially persistent, you can set a condition for him, for example: “I help you with this, and you do this for me, because otherwise I simply won’t be able to find the time to help you.” It's called "the right way to kill two birds with one stone." The acquaintance gets what he asked for; At the same time, you do not lose anything, and, most importantly, warm relations remain between you.

Refusal does not mean offending

In some cases, you can say a firm “no” without excuses and explanations of the reasons - when an unfamiliar or not too close person makes a request. In such situations, even to apologize is not necessary, especially when it comes to some burdensome or unpleasant things. Tactless individuals may begin to ask for an explanation of the reason for the refusal, but they do this completely unreasonably: you are an adult and should not report to strangers who are not even your friends or relatives. As a last resort, the answer “I cannot help you due to personal reasons” is allowed, without detailed explanations.

When someone close asks for a favor, of course, it is more difficult to answer the request in the negative, but even here there are several options for how to refuse a loved one and at the same time not offend him. For example, you can say that you simply do not understand the question that you are asked, or you are afraid to solve the problem badly, incorrectly, because you do not have enough knowledge, experience, and competence. Educated people will never impose a difficult case and will try to turn to someone else who is better versed in the subject.

The main thing is not to succumb to persuasion

Sometimes the asker tries in every possible way to persuade him to agree - by persuasion, entreaties, and even blackmail. It is worth going on about once, and you will forever open a "loophole" that unscrupulous acquaintances will use. With such people, you need to behave decisively, and not be afraid to offend them with a refusal: they, in turn, do not think about your feelings at all, and about what they can make you uncomfortable.

Psychologists even single out such a moment that a request can correctly say a lot about a person: about his character, principles, rules of life. Perhaps a rude request will become a kind of “litmus test” that will make you think about whether you need to continue communicating with this individual.

Deny…temporarily

Of course, not all requests should be denied; it is important to distinguish between the empty whims of others from truly important appeals. In some situations, it is difficult to immediately find out how difficult and time-consuming the task will be, and whether it is feasible at all. Experts recommend not to agree instantly, but to take time to think, that is, to refuse a person, but temporarily. It is enough to say that you now have more important things to do, and only then, in a calm and peaceful atmosphere, think over all the details of the request and make the right decision.

If it turns out to be simple enough, you can go forward, but when it comes to an unpleasant or too difficult issue, you can again culturally refer to being busy or directly declare unwillingness to help, as this will take too much time and effort, which is so necessary for solving their own issues.

Video answer on the topic "How to refuse and not become an enemy" from the program "Success"

Partial "no"

Learning to refuse people without offending them seems difficult at first, but over time, the ability to culturally say a reasoned and firm “no” can become part of character, freeing up time for more pleasant activities - walking with friends, activities with children, meeting loved ones. For those who cannot instantly turn from a universal "assistant" into a person who can tactfully refuse, experts recommend learning to do it gradually.

For example, when a neighbor asks her to walk her dog, there are three possible responses for “beginners”:

• only on certain days of the week
• only in good weather
• no more than 15 minutes

On the one hand, you agreed to help, on the other hand, you took into account your interests and chose the most acceptable conditions for yourself.

What about "yes"?

It is possible and necessary to provide services to others! Just do not at the same time "put yourself on the neck" of everyone who wants to receive gratuitous and high-quality assistance. It is always necessary to put your own desires and priorities in the first place, and even in those cases when one of your friends was offended by being refused, this does not mean that you are a bad person. Rather, it will mean that a colleague or comrade communicated with you, solely for his own benefit. Appreciate your personal time, it is an irreplaceable resource!

We already told you, and. Maybe you are just one of those for whom we wrote these texts. So-called nice guys can be nice on the outside, but inside they are constantly feeling depressed and empty.

Nice guys always fall into a simple trap: they always say “Yes” to every request. These reliable people are afraid that people will no longer like them if they are refused. By agreeing to everything, cute guys fit additional cases and deadlines into their already crowded schedule. In the end, they burden themselves with so many things that they cannot even fulfill their direct duties, which should come first for them. And laughter and sin: in the end such a nice guy can not cope with anything, does not keep his promises and ceases to please people - which he tried so hard to avoid.

A man clearly prioritizes and sets goals for himself, takes the time to achieve them, and says “no” when a request prevents him from doing what is important to him. He does not stop striving for the best, doing different things to remain just good.

What don't nice guys understand? It is impossible to please everyone. Even if you will help everyone and please. And what’s more, it’s even possible to refuse people and still leave them with the thought that you are a good and your boyfriend.

If you find it difficult to refuse people, refer to our manual: it will teach you how to do it right.

It's not some personal no. Don't say "no" like you're rejecting a person because you don't like them; because his idea is crazy; because it's boring. Let him know that you're just "following the rules." I mean, some kind of personal rules that do not allow you to agree.

• "I can't go to the Polka Festival on Monday because we always spend Monday night with the whole family."
• “I can't donate money for this. We decided instead of such donations to save money and give it to ... (any business).
• "Thanks for the invite, but I don't date women with more than eleven cats."

Make it clear that you would like to say yes. If you show a person that you sympathize with his request, but still cannot fulfill it, this will soften his disappointment at refusal.

• “I would love to hire you, you are a great fit for this position. But the HR manager has already found another candidate and started to process it.”
• “I would be happy to speak at your congress: I really enjoyed last year, the presentations were excellent. But I have too much to do."

Show that you have considered your refusal. Hearing an immediate and thoughtless refusal is very disappointing. Show the person that you thought about his request, that it took you a while to make a decision before you said no.

• “Very exciting scenario. I really like the scene where the man-eating robot and the platypus become friends. But the studio produces romantic comedies, I'm sorry."

Offer some kind of compensation. If you cannot fulfill the request, think about what you can do to help in some way.

• "I can't referee this game, but I'll give you a keg so you can have some fun after the match."
• "I can't go camping, but I can give you a tent."

Let them know that your refusal will benefit them. You can turn your refusal into a kind of service: you just need to turn the case in such a way that the person understands that your consent would only aggravate the matter.

• “You have a first-class newspaper. If I took the time to write any text for you, it would not meet your high standards for which your publication is famous.
• “If I went with you, I would still fall asleep in the middle of the movie and embarrass everyone.”

Say "no" to help the person say "no" to himself. Web designers, hair stylists, and other creatives understand these feelings when they tell a client that their wish can't be fulfilled. That is, it is technically possible, but it will look bad. If they say “no” directly, the client may become angry and offended. Instead, ask about the person's goals, and then gently show them why their proposal won't help achieve them.

• “If you want your page to look concise and modern, all those rainbows and unicorns in the background don't fit with the overall style. I can show you some samples - maybe this is just what you need.
• “You have a very manly chin. Such a haircut will make him outweigh his entire face.

Let me know that in the future you can agree. Don't make a situation look hopeless if it isn't.

• “I can’t give you an “excellent” for this job, but you almost succeeded. Next time make the thesis more convincing, and then everything will work out.

Show that the idea is bad. If someone comes to you with an idea that can never be realized, no matter what they say or how hard they try, don't sugarcoat your rejection. But "No, get out, you idiot!" - also not the best way. Instead, ask a few questions and point out where the plan doesn't work. Help the person see for himself how unrealistic his idea is. You will do him a favor.

• “Okay, who is this false beard aimed at?”

Just say no. Sometimes this is the best way. If someone is wasting your time and doesn't respect you, don't soften your refusal. Show him the door.

And finally. These tips will help you soften the rejection, but should not introduce ambiguity into your speech. Stay polite and warm, but be tough and confident. Say your opinion, let them put up with it. Don't let anyone blame you for not doing things you don't like. What's so good about non-failure? You will respect yourself more if you learn to say a firm “no”.

Polite refusal options.

There is a proverb that says that if you give a relative a loan, it means losing him. Anything related to financial matters often spoils relationships between friends and even relatives. In this article we will tell you how to refuse a person and not ruin your relationship with him.

How to competently, culturally and politely refuse a person a loan of money without offending him: words, phrases, dialogue

This can be done quite simply, but some people need to be rejected abruptly and in any way so that they lose their desire to come to you next time to borrow money. Usually these are people who often borrow money. Their main problem is that they simply do not know how to manage them and spend much more than they earn. The fact is that for such people to spend more than they earn, this is the norm. Therefore, from month to month they collect new debts. They can return them from a salary or advance payment, upon receipt of funds. But then, after a quick spending of the salary, they borrow money again. To prevent this from happening, simply refuse people.

Several ways to opt out:

• Say that you also wanted to borrow today, because you spent a lot on holidays and birthdays of your relatives.
• Say that you started repairs and tomorrow you are going to buy building materials, so you don’t have money.
• It is necessary to repay the loan or return the amount of money taken as collateral. You are going to do it tomorrow, so you cannot borrow money today.
• All the money is from the spouse, and it is difficult to beg from him or her.
• Say that you are going to travel to another country, so you yourself need the money.
• Say that you are going to buy an expensive fur coat or jewelry to your wife, so there is no money.
• Remind if this person has already taken money from you, but did not return it. Tell him that you will not give him until he returns the previous amount of money borrowed.

How not to offend a person? There are several ways to help you maintain a good relationship with a friend or relative, and at the same time refuse to give him a loan.

• Say that you can borrow money from a certain bank. Advise a specific bank that lends money at a low percentage.
• Say that you would be happy to borrow, but only now you yourself are really bad with money, so there is no way to lend.
• Offer the person help. For example, take him somewhere if he asks for money for a taxi, or give him groceries. Purchase a minimum of groceries or offer assistance with purchasing. Usually, eternal debtors who constantly borrow money want to get their hands on cash. Therefore, they reject all offers, such as how to give a lift or help with products.
• Advise a person on a site or an additional part-time job where you can take money immediately after doing some work.

A colleague constantly asks for help - how to politely and correctly refuse: examples of polite forms of refusal

There is a proverb that initiative is punishable. Quite often, people who help their co-workers at work are the most tired and do the most tasks. And not always those that were given to them.

Opt-out options:

• If you do not want to constantly do work for someone, learn to refuse. If a work colleague constantly asks you for help, do not abruptly refuse. Do it gently, say what you think or refuse in such a way that a colleague wants to feel sorry for you. Say that you have a lot of work today, you have a monthly report hanging on you, and you are likely to stay after work in the office to complete the assigned work.
• In addition, you can say that you took time off today, so you are interested in completing the work as soon as possible. Therefore, you cannot help, tell a work colleague that you have a lot of things to do today, since you didn’t finish it yesterday because you left earlier, I’m taking time off from work. Today you have a complete blockage and you will not be able to help in any way.
• Learn to say NO, because many people do not properly allocate working time. They often pass on their work to others. If you refuse several times, then most likely they will no longer ask for help. This will help free you from doing someone else's work.

In order not to offend a person, follow certain rules:

• Answer quickly. You don't have to wait until later to answer.
• Try to explain the reason for the refusal. In no case do not make excuses, just tell that you have a busy schedule and you are unable to do someone else's work.
• Offer something in return. You can direct a colleague to a specific resource or reset the report form you completed last month. Perhaps this will somehow help a colleague.

Be sure to complete your answer with the following phrases:

Unfortunately

I'm sorry that I can't

Thanks for asking me for help

It's a pleasure to work with you, but unfortunately I can't help you.

I really like to help you, but unfortunately this time I will not be able to

A friend constantly asks for help - how to gently and tactfully refuse: examples of polite forms of refusal

Many of the friends like to keep their girlfriends near them, who never refuse and try to help as much as possible. This is very convenient, but very often, if such people are refused, then the friendship comes to an end. Because they are selfish people. If you are tired of fulfilling constant requests, and as a reward to receive friendship, you can correctly refuse. After several rejections, a person will not want to be friends with you. If he is not a true friend, but uses you, then in this way you will get rid of a friend who is annoying you and you spend a huge amount of time and effort on such friendship.

If a person is really dear to you, you do not want to offend him, try to politely explain why you are refusing him.

1. I can't help you today because I'm busy tonight
2. I have plans next week, so I won't be able to go to the party with you.

If a friend asks you to take some thing to wear, say that you have washed it or that it has torn from you. But in this case, you will no longer have to wear it with a friend. You can also gently refuse if a friend asks you for some jewelry, or some of the things, a clutch, a bag. Say that you yourself are going to wear this jewelry today, so you cannot let it be worn.

How to correctly refuse a trip without offending a person?

Many company employees work with clients and spend most of their working time at meetings, as well as over a cup of coffee, discussing work issues. If for some reason you cannot come, or you think that this client will be useless to you, will not be able to use your services, you can politely refuse. In this case, it is necessary to say that you have a high workload and you will not be able to come. If, nevertheless, you think that in the future this person may become your potential client, write a few questions and ask the person to answer these questions, motivate by the fact that you want to better understand and explain what you do, what you are interested in.

If this is some kind of business trip, and the management did not find anyone better than to send you on this trip, and for some reason you do not want to go, you can correctly refuse. It is quite difficult to say no to management, but it is possible.

Options:

• Motivate this by the fact that you have children and there will be no one to pick them up from school or kindergarten.
• Tell them that your parents are sick and need to be looked after. You visit them daily.
• Remind your manager that he instructed you to complete the report by the end of the week, and unfortunately you will not be able to go on a business trip because of this report.
• You can cancel the trip if you do not have a passport or it is expired. This will work if you are sent to another country.
• If the company pays travel allowance after the trip, explain that you don't have extra money. You need to pay a loan or mortgage, you spent all the money. Therefore, you do not have extra money for the trip.

How beautiful, inoffensive, intelligent it is to refuse people their requests: tips, recommendations, examples

Of course, very often, after rejections, people do not want to communicate, or reduce possible communication. But you should not be upset, because you will have really good friends and decent acquaintances who are used to not using people, but to be friends with them. You should not refuse sharply enough if you feel sympathy for a person and plan to communicate with him. Try to be as correct as possible, benevolent, ask for forgiveness. Say that, unfortunately, due to financial difficulties, you cannot lend often.

Ask for forgiveness, and also say that you value communication with this person. If this is your good colleague who really often helps you, but due to circumstances you cannot help him, explain the situation. Say that you value his help, knowledge and would be happy to help, but unfortunately, in this situation you cannot do this.

Here are a few phrases to help you mitigate rejection:

• I see that it is not easy for you, but unfortunately I cannot solve your problem.
• I'm sorry this happened, but unfortunately I can't help.
• I really want to help you, but I can’t, because I have planned dinner with my loved one for tomorrow.
• Unfortunately, I am not able to say yes right now, because I will be busy at the weekend.
• I need to think, I can say later.

The last refusal option is only suitable for people who are waiting for an answer now. They cannot wait, so in the evening or the next day they simply will not apply. You can refuse using a compromise.

For example:

• I will help you if you help me.
• I'll help you make your presentation, but only on Saturday from 10:00 to 12:00. That time will be free for me.

You can also refuse diplomatically. Diplomats usually never say yes or no. They say: let's talk about it or discuss it.

For example, do not refuse abruptly, but tell me I can help you in some other way. Unfortunately, I can't help you right now, but I have an acquaintance or friend who might want to help you.

As you can see, refusing a person is quite simple. The main task is not to offend him. If you are interested in friendship, in communication with this person, try to refuse as politely as possible, or offer something in return. It is possible to offer your help in some other way.

VIDEO: How to politely refuse?

Do not know how to refuse people and it prevents you from living? Do you consider yourself a weak person and each time scold you for agreeing to help your colleague once again? Don't beat yourself up, you are a kind person. But if you don't learn to say no, you will be taken advantage of by others. How to say "no", read below.

Explain the reason

Don't know how to say "no"? Explain the reason. Do not make excuses, but simply tell why you cannot do what you are asked. For example, a colleague once again wants you to review and correct his reports. But for this you need to linger. You have no desire to sit longer than the allotted time. Don't be ashamed of it. Say that if you have time tomorrow, then you will look at his papers, and today the working day is over and you want to go home.

Do not lie. People always feel when they are told a lie. Friends asked you to help do a general cleaning in the country. Yes, you work for a cleaning company and are good at cleaning. But today is your day off. So tell your friends that you are tired and plan to take care of your home and rest.

Suggest an alternative

How do you say “no” without offending anyone? Suggest an alternative. Your best friend asks you to help move out on Tuesday night. But on Wednesday you have an important conference to prepare for. Invite a friend to wait until the weekend. On Saturday, you can take the whole day to move things and help unpack them. This option does not sound offensive. Especially if you tell how important the report for which you will be preparing. If the friend is not urgent, he will agree to your terms. Well, if he just needs to transport all his belongings, then he can hire movers. There are no hopeless situations.

Don't be afraid to offend

Do you think that the world has converged on you like a wedge? No, it's not. If you refuse a person, he can survive it. You won't say "no" for no reason. So your conscience must be clear. If a neighbor asks you to adopt his cat for the weekend, how do you say no? You can honestly explain that you're afraid that an animal in an unfamiliar environment might mark your favorite carpet or ruin a renovation you completed last week. You can suggest an alternative: go to a neighbor and feed the cat at his house. After such an offer, do you see doubts in the eyes of your opponent? But if your neighbor doesn't trust you with the keys, why should you feel bad about not being able to adopt a cat? Of course not.

First of all, you need to defend your interests. Yes, it sounds very selfish, but your life is yours. It makes no sense to help everyone and everyone and be afraid of offending someone.

Always say yes"

Have you watched the movie of the same name? He's very good. True, there the main character constantly said "no" to everything. And he was ordered to say “yes” to everything. His life changed dramatically. What's the right way to say "no" to people? To understand this, try to answer “yes” to all offers for three days. Does it seem stupid and thoughtless? Isn't that what you do when you can't muster up the courage to say no to someone? By saying yes to everything, you will realize how stupid it is, and then it will be easier for you to say no. The original way is the most effective. You will be able to understand what is really important to you and what is secondary.

Do not apologize

How to say no? The walkthrough looks like this. You receive an offer. It should be evaluated, and if it does not suit you according to some criteria, you should refuse it. And at this moment, the tongue may not listen to the mind and agree. How to deal with it? If you like the person in front of you, it will be harder for them to refuse. You can say "no" and then start apologizing. Thus, you will lose your pride in the eyes of the interlocutor. If you can't do something, why apologize? You will not sing praises to yourself for a long time if you agree to help a person.

Postpone the decision

If the above tips on how to tell people “no” don’t work for you, try the following method. Don't answer the person. Well, more precisely, say that you cannot make a decision now, but you will definitely think about it. For example, a friend asked you to dig a garden on Saturday. Well, who can agree with such a proposal? Moreover, this is not the best friend. Say that you don't know what your plans are for Saturday and let them know about your decision later. The second time a person will not dare to offer you. After all, you said that you would think, which means you have more important things to do. And so you can do with everything that is unpleasant to you. You don't have to refuse. Believe me, most of these tasks will never touch you again. They will somehow resolve themselves, without directly requiring your intervention.

Be kind

How to say "no" and refuse? A person always feels more pleasant when he does not offend his interlocutor. Therefore, you should always thank for the offer first. After all, they turned to you, and not to someone else. This should please your ego. So say: "Thank you very much for the offer, but I have to refuse you." This is a polite form. You can wear anything in it, and it will sound more pleasant. And most importantly, you will feel good, and your conscience will not whine that you cannot help. If you have made the decision to refuse, do not turn off the chosen path, even if your interlocutor insists. Be firm. But don't raise your voice or shout. A person who gets excited and, ceasing to control his emotions, looks too comical, starts yelling: "Well, I told you no, what's incomprehensible here?" Be humble and smile. It will sweeten the pill of rejection.

It's impossible to please everyone

How to refuse correctly, how to say “no”, we described above, and now we will analyze why you need to learn how to do this. A person cannot be good for everyone. By helping one, you take time from others. If you help a friend, you do not spend time with your parents, and if you dine with your mother, the girl is offended, who also claims your free time. Therefore, you have to choose. And it should always be a priority. If your mother thinks you are a bad son, and you visit her three times a week and call her daily to inquire about her health, then most likely she is mistaken. She just didn't meet bad sons. But you cannot live with it. You must have free time. Therefore, try to find something for your mother to do and not suffer during the refusal to spend all your weekends with her. Try to keep a balance. Draw a circle and divide it into sectors: home/friends/family/work/love. And think about whether you devote enough time to each sector? If not, change the situation. You need to be able to keep a balance.

Don't be a rag

If you help your loved ones, friends and colleagues all the time, then most likely they are used to it and take your earnings for granted. In the people it is called "sat on the neck." It is difficult to get out of this vicious circle. Try to refuse once and listen to the mountain of indignation. Moreover, you are just people used to riding you, and when the horse is stubborn, you need to whip it up harder or give it sugar. Be careful: both are equally dangerous. If you can't help a colleague hang wallpaper over the weekend, say so. And if he hints that friends do not do this, say that you have other friends who need your company no less than he does. And they don't need anything from you. It may be that your classmate decides to celebrate his birthday at your dacha. You don't want it, but he insists. And as a sugar promises you that a girl will come that you will definitely like. And you don't know what to do. Think about whether a casual acquaintance is worth the broken dishes, broken furniture and mess that will definitely be after the party. Say no. The cottage is your property, and you have the right to dispose of it as your heart desires.

It's good when you can help someone with advice or deed, but be careful. Listen to yourself and respect your opinion. If you do not want something, try to refuse, if it does not work, postpone the decision. Read the article again, choose the tips that you liked the most, and start applying them from tomorrow, or maybe you can do it today.

MENSBY

4.6

Many take advantage of your kindness, and when you refuse, they accuse you of terry selfishness and heartlessness? Living the life you want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others have to think and live the way you want.

There are many people in the world who are called trouble-free. You can turn to them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. Many attribute this property of their character to the merits of a person, because it is beneficial to always “have at hand” such a “failsafe” in order to throw some of their problems onto him.

However, rarely does anyone take the trouble to think: maybe a person simply cannot refuse?

People who can't say no often don't have enough time for their own affairs and personal lives, although they may at best expect a dubious compliment as a thank you for their dependability.

A vivid example of a trouble-free person and what the inability to refuse leads to is the old film “Autumn Marathon” with Oleg Basilashvili in the title role. The hero of the film is not young, but he never learned to refuse and live the way he wants. His life has almost passed, but he never took place as a person, because he always lived the way others wanted.

Reliable people always, like a magnet, attract people who actively use their inability to refuse. We can say that the executioner is looking for a victim, and the victim of the executioner. And even if the “failsafe” suddenly rebels and refuses the role of a lifesaver, he will immediately be accused of terry selfishness and heartlessness.

There are golden words that everyone should remember: “To live the way you yourself want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others have to think and live the way you want.

Why are people afraid to say "no"?

People who fulfill other people's requests against their will, most often have a soft and indecisive character. In their hearts, they really want to say “no,” but they are so afraid of embarrassing or offending another person with a refusal that they force themselves to do something that they don’t like at all.

So many people later regret that they once wanted to, but could not say no.

Often people, when refusing, say the word “no” as if they feel guilty about something - it seems to them that some kind of unpleasant reaction will follow. And indeed, many are not used to being refused, and “no” causes a negative reaction in them - they are rude, break off relations, etc.

Some people do not say "no" because of the fear of becoming unwanted and alone.
How to politely refuse?

When we say no, we often make enemies. However, it is worth remembering what is more important for us - to offend someone with a refusal or to take on the fulfillment of burdensome obligations. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude form. For example, the same diplomats try not to say "yes" or "no", replacing them with the words "Let's discuss it."

When saying "no", it is worth remembering that:

this word can protect against problems;

can mean "yes" if pronounced uncertainly;
successful people say “no” more often than “yes”;
by denying what we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel like a winner.

There are several simple ways to politely decline, which show that this task is within the power of everyone.

1. Outright refusal

Some people believe that when refusing something, it is imperative to state the reason for the refusal. This is an erroneous opinion. First, explanations will look like excuses, and excuses will give the asker hope that you can change your mind. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for the refusal. If you invent it, in the future the lie can be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who speaks insincere often gives himself away with facial expressions and voice.

Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply say “no” without adding anything else. You can soften the rejection by saying: “No, I can’t do it”, “I don’t want to do this”, “I don’t have time for this”.

If a person ignores these words and continues to insist, you can use the “broken record” method, repeating the same words of refusal after each of his tirade. No need to interrupt the speaker with objections and ask questions - just say “no”.

This method is suitable for refusing people who are aggressive and overly persistent.

2. Sympathetic rejection

This technique is suitable for refusing people who tend to get their own requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but cannot help in any way.

For example, "I'm sorry, but I can't help you." Or “I see that it’s not easy for you, but I can’t solve your problem.”

3. Reasonable refusal

This is a rather polite refusal and can be used in any setting - formal and informal. It is also suitable for refusal to older people, and for refusal to people occupying a higher position on the career ladder.

This refusal assumes that you name the real reason why you cannot fulfill the request: “I can’t do this, because tomorrow I’m going to the theater with the child,” etc.

It will be even more convincing if you name not one reason, but three. This technique is called failure for three reasons. The main thing in its application is the brevity of the wording so that the asker quickly catches the essence.

4. Delayed rejection

This method can be used by people for whom refusing someone's request is a psychological drama, and they almost automatically agree to any request. People of such a warehouse often doubt their innocence and tend to endlessly analyze their actions.

Delayed rejection allows you to think about the situation, and if necessary, seek advice from friends. Its essence is not to say "no" immediately, but to ask for time to make a decision. Thus, you can insure yourself against rash steps.

A reasoned denial might look like this: “I can't answer right now because I don't remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I arranged to meet someone. I need to look at my weekly to be sure.” Or “I need to consult at home”, “I need to think. I'll tell you later" etc.

You can refuse in this way to people who are assertive and do not tolerate objections.

5. Compromise refusal

Such a refusal can be called a half refusal, because we want to help a person, but not completely, but partially, and not on his terms, which seem unrealistic to us, but on our own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the conditions for assistance - what and when we can and what not.

For example, "I can take your child to school with mine, but only have it ready by eight o'clock." Or "I can help you do the repairs, but only on Saturdays."

If such conditions do not suit the applicant, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.

6. Diplomatic refusal

It involves a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we do not want or cannot do, but together with the person who asks, we are looking for a solution to the problem.

For example, "I can't help you, but I have a friend who deals with these issues." Or “Perhaps I can help you in some other way?”.

In response to examples of various refusal techniques, one can object that it is necessary to help people and that by refusing others, we ourselves risk finding ourselves in a difficult situation where we will have nothing to count on someone else's help. Note that we are talking only about the requests of people who are accustomed to "play with one goal", who believe that everyone is obliged to them and abuse the reliability of other people.