Hello dear friends!

The sense of self-importance (SSS) is due to the feeling of one's importance in the whole, vast world. Often people confuse the meaning of this word with significance, and it, in turn, carries a different meaning.

WHS means a kind of self-assessment of personal capabilities, goals and benefits from actions that is unlike anything else. Here the word "significance" should be interpreted as one's own personal cell in society, location in a group of people, society and, of course, the relationship of oneself with other relatives.

Different kinds of comparisons, conclusions and principles - all these are the consequences of an overestimated, normal or low "self-perception". And how do you know exactly what level your sense of self-worth is at?

Have you ever thought about what exactly makes us take certain actions? What exactly influences the attitude towards other people? You might think that this is an accident, a worldview, or a commonplace habit along with upbringing.

But in fact, the same ChSY lies at the origins of our decisions and choices. Or rather, not only it, but rather the desire to increase its level. Some choose the path of self-affirmation at the expense of others, more advanced ones start playing manipulative games with their minds and not only.

How to get rid of, but not pass for a self-confident egoist? How to become a truly free person and stop chasing phantom fears? According to Castaneda and his work " Way of the Warrior, we can draw an uncomplicated conclusion.

A healthy fight against ChSZ is necessary for a person in order to get rid of his invented importance, and the fight must continue until he begins to perceive the rest of the human race as equals. Neither worse nor better. What aspects should be taken into account?

View from the outside

Zeland, on the other hand, was more practical than Castaneda and proposed to tame a sense of self-worth in a rather effective way - the position of an observer. What is the point?

Let's say you need to make an important or false decision. Instead of reveling in the injustice of life, or vice versa, not thinking that you are the king-prince-king-prince of the entire universe, you need to stop and look at yourself from the outside.

Imagine that you are in a dream or in the depths of your fantasy. It is in these contrived corners of fantasy or the subconscious that you do not need to prove your worth. Not to yourself, not to those around you.

It happens that a thing is of great importance in reality, but in a dream it takes on a completely different form and even seems unnecessary. Do not be afraid of such thoughts.

After thinking and planning actions, and even more so after you have passed reasoning through secret windows, it will be easier for you to realize the need to accomplish an act. And to understand it was your initiative, or an idea imposed from the outside because of the desire to prove to the whole world that you are not an empty place.

At times, a person can spend too much time chasing someone else's approval. Everything that he does is aimed only at assessing the surrounding thoughts, actions and words. Such people are dependent on praise, which, like a balm for the soul, strengthen it and their own vectors of movement.

What if it's the other way around?

A decrease in the level of a person's self-worth leads to a state of a rag that can be manipulated. And believe me, people will do it brightly, creatively and with pleasure, because it was you who gave them their own white flag.

Any outside influence is treated as truth. Independent decisions by individuals are also not accepted. In the future, this leads to an inferiority complex and significantly interferes with life.

The oppressive feeling of the world's indifference to its unfortunate self, lack of attention and other aspects break the whole personality into millions of tiny grains, which is very difficult to put together over time.

How to convince yourself that you are worth a lot and there is simply no need to prove the obvious to humanity?

What needs to be considered?

ChSZ is sometimes interpreted as pride or some kind of arrogance. I recommend that you first of all adjust your complexes. The desire to argue, prove one's case or put pressure on other people's choices in order to show off skills against their background.

It's no secret that the majority is formed in childhood. And now, in adult, conscious age, it is worth taking a closer look at some of your features.

Syndrome, an excellent student or an inveterate "don't give a damn" carry a feeling of a constant, oppressed state, seasoned with dissatisfaction with oneself and the world.

Parents taught us to always comply with certain canons and requirements. But what to do when this is not achieved, they did not say. And a person begins to invent a lot of independently erected walls or boundaries, so as not to seem to himself an empty place or the navel of the earth (which is noticed less often). One extreme breeds another.

How to cultivate a sense of self-worth?

Friends, this is the end.

Subscribe to update my blog and recommend it to your friends. In the comments, tell us about the level of your sense of self-worth and what actions are you taking to resolve it?

See you on the blog, bye bye!

The greatest need of human nature is to feel important, to be recognized by other people and to be appreciated.

Thomas Dewey

The need to feel one's own importance in a person surpasses any other physiological need. Take, for example, hunger. When you are full, you no longer feel hungry. The need to feel our own importance is much stronger than the need for love, because when we find love, we satisfy it. It is higher than the need for security, because, having felt safe, a person stops thinking about it.

The need to feel our own significance is the strongest and most constant human need, that character trait that distinguishes us from animals. It is she who makes us wear branded clothes, buy expensive cars, hang a sign with our name and surname on the front door, send our children to the best universities. It is she who forces teenagers to join street gangs. The thirst for a sense of self-worth makes some people criminals and murderers.

Sociological studies have shown that the main reason why a woman breaks off a long-term relationship with a man is not at all the cruelty or rudeness of her partner. No, most women said they did not feel equal in these relationships. The desire for recognition, a sense of self-importance is incredibly strong in any person. And the more significant another person feels next to you, the more positively he treats you.

Interest in yourself

People are much more interested in themselves than you, the outsider. Therefore, during communication it is very important to talk not about yourself, but about the interlocutor.

You must say:

– about them feelings;

– about them family;

– about them friends;

– about them status;

– about them needs;

– about them point of view;

– about them property.

AND NEVER ABOUT YOURSELF AND OWN - unless you are asked about it.

In other words, people are mostly interested only in themselves and what communication with you can give them. To communicate effectively with others, you must constantly remember this rule. Interest in oneself is the basis of human relationships. If the interlocutor does not ask you about your life and your point of view, this means that he is simply not interested. Don't take it personally.

For some, this approach is deeply upsetting and disappointing. They begin to consider others as selfish and narcissistic fools. After all, it is widely believed that we should give everything without expecting anything in return. Most people who give absolutely unselfishly, very soon realize that everything "what you give will return to you a hundredfold." In fact, any of our actions are dictated by our own interests. Even a charitable donation. It's nice to feel generous by making such a donation. And as a result, you still get a return, even if your act was performed anonymously. Mother Teresa gave her life to serving those in need and felt like a fulfilled person. By her actions she drew closer to the Lord. And all such actions are absolutely positive. There is nothing negative about them.

People who expect interlocutors to be guided by something other than their own interest are constantly disappointed and offended by others.

Do not be surprised and do not apologize - such is life. Actions in our own interests are dictated by the instinct of self-preservation, which nature itself has instilled in us. This instinct was characteristic of primitive man, medieval knight and you and me. This is the basis for the preservation of the human species. Understanding that all people act solely in their own interests is the key to successful communication with others.

For a month, daily try to make people feel their importance through recognition and appreciation, and such behavior will become natural and habitual for you. You will keep this invaluable skill forever.

3. Action is equal to reaction - the law of nature

An unconscious need lives in a person to give the giver something of equal value. If a person liked what you gave him, he will want to thank you with something that will please you. For example, if you receive a postcard from a person to whom you did not send postcards, you will want to respond to his courtesy.

When you do a favor to a person, he immediately starts looking for an opportunity to thank you. If you said a compliment, then not only caused sympathy in the interlocutor, but also heard a lot of pleasant things in your address. But if you are indifferent or aloof, the interlocutor will consider you unfriendly and behave in the same way. If you are gloomy and severe, you will be considered rude and arrogant and will treat you with the same unfavorable. An insult entails a reciprocal insult. A positive attitude sets the interlocutor in the same way. Any rudeness will return to you as a boomerang. This is the law of nature and it never fails.

To win sympathy, you must make the interlocutor feel more significant than you next to you. If you demonstrate your superiority, the interlocutor will be offended or jealous. Such tactics will not allow you to establish a positive relationship with this person.

Every time you are served a delicious meal in a restaurant, every time you are well served in a shop, every time dirty plates are taken off your table in a cafe, smile and thank the person for the service rendered to you.

By understanding and accepting the three basic principles, you will be able to significantly increase your influence on others.

Summary

1. The greatest need of human nature is to feel our own worth and to be appreciated.

● The more significant your interlocutor feels, the more positive and sympathetic he will treat you.

2. Most of all, any person is interested in himself.

● Try to give people what they want and say what they think.

3. Action is equal to reaction - the law of nature.

The psychology of suggestion. How to feel important.

This method is useful for creating a sense of self-worth, especially if the client feels they have not achieved everything they wanted in their career.

As long as you continue relax and unwind into this pleasant and comfortable place, I want you to clearly understand that this time, here, now, it is exclusively for you.

This is your time, no one encroaches on it, this is the time for you to heal, grow, change, and though consciously you may not remember everything I tell you, but you listen and changes will take place, and all of them are only for your benefit and your well-being.

How to feel important. And now I want to talk to you about what you are worth - how highly you estimate your abilities - about how you were, what you are now, and about what you will be then. I have already heard what you are saying now, and I can tell you that you deserve much more credit than you think. You have achieved more than you think, and people admire you, but you yourself think that you are not worthy of such high praise.

Life is full of challenges, some of them very serious, some of them minor. Sometimes it's a problem to do everything that needs to be done in a day, go to work, feed the children, visit relatives, go in for sports, learn something new - it's not surprising that with such a rhythm you can't find time for yourself. What would you do if you had that kind of time? I'm sure that you would again find some other business and fill this time with it, and therefore this quiet time would also turn into a busy one. Busy, always busy. Except for today when you stopped you have time to take a look at your life and yourself, to appreciate what you have, who and what you have become. And you have a lot to be proud of. There are so many people in the world who have nothing and are nothing, and for some this happened through no fault of their own. It makes them feel empty inside. And I know that until today it happened to you that you felt such an emptiness in difficult times, but let's look at it from a more positive point of view. You should not think so badly of yourself, it is unfair, because you have so much. You have a good job, you have friends and family who love you, your home, a perfectly functioning creative mind, a body that can heal itself, plus it can produce another unique and beautiful human creation.

I know that none of this crossed your mind. Yes, the mind and body are a gift, the ability to think and communicate was taught by those who love you, but everything else, let's say, material, all this was earned by you, and, of course, you can appreciate yourself for it.

My guess is that even if you didn't know exactly when this feeling of low self-esteem arose, you can remember the time when you were a child. It was a time when you had no idea what self-esteem is. If you can remember what you looked like or how you felt when you were a child, then I would like you to focus on it now maybe you can imagine how you play. And when you watch this child, you see how people he loves and whose opinion is important to him communicate with him, and how they cheer him up. Perhaps this is the first time he is trying to do something on his own or learning something new. And you see how those who are nearby are fussing around him, congratulating him. You see how, as the years go by, there is a picture of him doing something well, and how he is being praised, and how he absorbs all this information at this time, and it allows him to treat himself with respect.

Now move forward in time, and as he grows and moves on in life, you will see how those who used to praise him, let him grow up, let him spread his wings and fly out of the nest, out from under their guardianship, be now already independent and free. The love that binds them to each other is forever preserved, but now he is no longer a chick and is responsible for his own food. And he does it well, but you will notice that he is much more severe in his assessment of himself than those who love him were. He is much more demanding of himself, and praises himself much less than those who loved him.

He does this because he wants to do the best that he can, so as not to harm himself, not to spoil something, so that by constantly pushing himself, prodding himself, create a better life for himself, his family and for his future. . He was so successful - he had a streak of success - at first, and he kept trying to push his limits even further, to where he thought they were, and marveled at everything he could do. And he thought that was all he needed. But I, and you, we both know that all the good intentions that exist in the world are not enough for this. It is possible that the answer is not that he does not love and appreciate himself enough, but that he is so busy making sure everything always works out for him in the best way that he simply does not have enough time for himself.

And now that time has come - time to go back to the time that your subconscious suggests to you as suitable for your purpose. Go back in time and see what you achieved at that time or how you managed to cope with everything and say “well done” to yourself or jump for joy that you succeeded, treat yourself with love, rejoice at your success. Give yourself a gift, a beautiful gift, it was hard work, but you got it all done. Revisit as many of these situations as you can remember, and let your former self feel proud of yourself, for the fact that in difficult situations you have achieved success, let yourself feel your own significance, highly appreciate your abilities. You may even advise him who should be around at this time to make this feeling even stronger, because some people are able to help us feel our importance by saying nice positive things to us. Be a mother to yourself, take care of your subtle and complex feelings as you would your own child. Vow that in the future you will praise yourself more, love yourself more, take care of yourself more, take care of your beautiful true self.

Your mood is now evened out, calming down, you do not rush to extremes in your assessments of yourself. More love, more laughter. You are calmer, happier and more satisfied with yourself.

There is a world inside you, you have silenced that harsh critical voice and replaced it with more maternal intonations. You feel strength, comfort, they develop in you, and you completely control them.

I was once asked to give a seminar on listening skills at a firm. To demonstrate the importance of this skill, I asked people to pair up and talk about something. At first, I suggested focusing on the other person's words, as if it were the most important conversation of your life. As soon as everyone started the task, a terrible noise arose: people gesticulated, laughed, did not hesitate to speak loudly. And when the exercise came to an end, everyone was genuinely disappointed, because they wanted to continue more and more.

The people who were listened to spoke enthusiastically about the conversation and their interlocutor. When I asked them to rate the situation on a scale of 0 to 10, almost everyone gave it a perfect score. Then I asked them to describe how they felt during the conversation - it turned out that they were “important” and “useful”.

And one young man even said: “By the nature of my work, I have to listen to other people a lot, but how wonderful it is when they listen to you!”

It is very important in a conversation to make the interlocutor feel more significant.

In the second exercise, the task was given to ignore your interlocutors: turn away from them, look at mobile phones or think about the upcoming weekend. The sound and tone of the conversations changed dramatically. The room became much quieter, conversations became less lively. I didn't even have to give a signal to end - all the conversations faded away by themselves.

When I asked again to rate the situation on a scale from 0 to 10, almost everyone gave a one or even a 0. When asked how they felt when they weren't listened to, they responded "dissatisfied", "frustrated", "underestimated". It was a real discovery for them!

During the next conversation with a friend, imagine that your interlocutor is the most important person in the world. Imagine that he really needs to feel his importance. Focus your attention completely on this person and what they are saying. See what will happen. How will the conversation develop? How will his voice change? Will you feel a change in attitude towards you?

The point of flirting is to make each person you interact with feel your worth. You will see how much the attitude of others around you will change.

Finally, it is useful to know that

FLIRTING NOT ONLY LONELY!

As mentioned above, flirting is not just about finding a sexual partner. Flirting can be both with subtext and without it. In other words, if you are flirting with someone and want to establish a sexual relationship with him, this is flirting with subtext. If you just enjoy communicating with a person, giving him maximum of your attention, this is flirting “for every day”, or flirting without subtext.

The danger lies in the fact that some people may confuse these two concepts (or not distinguish at all) and perceive your friendly attitude towards them as a desire to have sexual intercourse with them.

Everything I wrote about above refers to flirting without subtext - “just for fun” (Eng. flirt for fun). Even married people can flirt in this way. At the same time, the main thing is to understand where the line lies between the so-called friendly flirting (flirting “every day”) and flirting for the sake of sex. To clearly separate one from the other, just mention somehow in a conversation that you already have a permanent partner. As soon as you make it clear to the person that you are not interested in a close relationship, you can continue to flirt with him again and enjoy communication. You can use this technique even if you don't really have a permanent partner, and you're just not ready for a relationship at the moment and want to have some fun.

Do you know why women like the company of gay men? There is no need to keep your distance. Both participants in the conversation know that nothing will happen between them - so you can flirt to your heart's content!

By the way, according to statistics, people who have a family flirt even more than singles!

♦ Listening is the most powerful flirting tool.

♦ People love to be listened to. This makes them feel more important.

♦ If you listen carefully to your interlocutor, it will be easy for him to express his thoughts, and his attitude towards you will improve.

♦ If you don't listen and are constantly distracted while talking, your interlocutor will feel worthless and you will be treated badly.

♦ Most people think they are good listeners, but they are wrong.

♦ Even those who are already in a relationship flirt.

♦ Flirting for the sake of sex and friendly flirting should be distinguished.