self-respect is like roller coaster. Sometimes we are very pleased with ourselves, at other times far from ourselves, not happy.

So how do you always, looking in the mirror, enjoy what you see?

1. Forgive yourself.
By feeling guilty all the time, you do neither yourself nor others, for that matter, any good. Naturally, you need to learn from your mistakes.

If necessary, compensate for the damage caused. Neutralize the harm from your act in a way that is appropriate for the particular situation. But at any cost, remove the stone from your conscience and go forward in life with the determination to cope with similar circumstances much better next time.

2. Earn your confidence.
Self-respect cannot be bought or borrowed for a while, only to develop it in yourself. This means that self-confidence comes when you accept a challenge and try your best to cope with difficulties.

This is why, for example, military training is so well known for its ability to instill self-respect in cadets: it teaches ordinary people how to control their bodies in combat conditions, during times of extreme stress.

Earn self-respect by cultivating the best human qualities in yourself in every possible way - grow as a person. Anything: charity, volunteering for community service or researching a new hobby, etc.

3. A healthy mind in a healthy body.
This has been said thousands and thousands of times, but exercise is the cornerstone of good health, both physical and mental. Eat right, avoid using toxic substances in your home and work, and exercise until you sweat.

The bigger, the better! And hopefully, with the help of sports that you enjoy, such as cycling, running, long walks, hiking, etc. - the list is endless - you will find a long-awaited optimism in life. Let's also not forget that during a long active movement, the hormone of happiness is produced.

As in point three, do what you need to do to feel good. This means regular check-ups with a dentist and a general practitioner; sufficient time for sleep; listening to soothing music; effective organization of time; finding and implementing the best solution in any situation. This is about the main. In addition, massage, a beauty salon, taking care of your leisure time without saving on it will never hurt.

5. Be the person you want to be.
It seems that we all have an image of a person constantly "hanging" in our head that we would like to fully correspond to, but we never really make an attempt to bring it to life. For example, I have always liked the romantic idea of ​​occasionally reading classical poetry to my wife.

One day I finally bought a volume of poems, and every evening for a month I read a couple of them to my wife. At that moment, I became the person I always wanted to be. And it was fantastic! So what are you waiting for?

6. Avoid negative people.
Take a closer look at the group of people with whom you maintain relationships. Negativity is like a virus, it spreads quickly and inevitably.

7. Forgive others.
Let go of negative emotions that only hurt yourself. To paraphrase, "Any person who seeks revenge should dig two graves - one for the person you are taking revenge on and one for yourself." The desire for revenge, anger and envy, no matter how difficult it is to let go, only pull you back.

8. Say "no" more often.
Say "no" to things you can't or don't want to do. To paraphrase Bruce Lee: "When someone wastes my time, they don't just waste it, they steal it." Don't let people steal your time, even from their best intentions. People will love you for yourself, not for what you can do for them.

Recognize the fact that absolutely everyone, including movie stars, presidents, and your exes who left you, have problems. People wear masks. So most of our problems are well hidden. But none of us is free from worries and worries.

Stop wanting to be like someone or be someone else. You are you, with your own unique set of issues, many of which are surely shared by billions of other people around the planet.

10. This is your life.
Not your parents. Not your children. Not your spouses. Not the surrounding society. She is YOURS. Follow your own happiness, as they say. There are no uniquely right things for every life. No one will 100% approve of how you live your life, so don't worry about their approval. If you live to please others, then you are like a dog that chases its own tail and can never catch up with it.

In most cases, a person's self-esteem is laid from childhood. Due to the wrong attitude of parents, a person will grow up insecure, always doubting himself, having an inadequate assessment of his actions and, as a rule, dissatisfied with life. How to prevent this? And if a person has already formed, then how to improve it, become more confident, appreciate yourself and change your life? This will be discussed in the article.

Mom: punishment and praise

If a mother wants to form in her child a personality capable of adequately assessing herself and her actions, she must be able not only to punish, but also to praise her child. When an adult asks himself the question: “How can I learn to respect myself?”, He has to look into childhood. It turns out that he was scolded a lot and had little or no praise from his parents, especially his mother. When a child is constantly subject to criticism, he develops an underestimation of himself. If the child is only praised, a person with high self-esteem will grow up. So it turns out that it is always better to stick to the golden mean. Mom has always been and will be the main link in the upbringing of a daughter or son.

From the point of view of the mother, the punishment can be quite justified, because the child does not obey. However, children are often misread not because they want to do us out of spite, but only to learn something new, to learn something, and at the moment it is inconvenient and troublesome for the parent. In order to avoid conflict situations, a mother should develop a sense of respect for her child, the ability to see an independent personality in him. "I said! .." should sound rare in communication with your precious child. Imagine how a child can learn to respect himself if he is constantly criticized! From such a little man, an insecure and, possibly, offended, angry adult person will grow up. Only mutual respect and calm communication is the right way to develop a harmonious personality that respects itself and the people around. No one excludes strictness, but nothing good will come of strictness alone. Man is not like the string of a bow. You can pull it, let it go and pull it again, but if you pull it, the psyche will suffer ...

The essence of self-esteem and how to learn to respect yourself with low self-esteem?

Self-esteem sounds like the voice of the judge of the inner man. He evaluates our actions, results, words, emotions, self-image. As a result, conceit is formed, which affects our perception of the world around us and our position, social behavior in it, confidence and determination to act, change something and decide whether to help someone or not, etc. Often the self-esteem of most people is very strong depends on how others perceive us. If this attitude is positive, then, accordingly, we grow in our own eyes. The opinion of others is important to everyone: women, men, girls and boys, teenagers and small children.

To understand how to learn to respect yourself, you need to:

• Admit that you have a low opinion of yourself. Awareness is the first step to solving a problem.
• Stop focusing on your own shortcomings. Switch to merit.
• You are not a victim! Everyone has problems, and you are no exception. Your problems are no more than others. If you whine, they will get worse. People turn away from the whining person, and then new paths and opportunities are closed.
• Relax! Find time for yourself. Let it be just a few minutes, but you should have them - minutes of complete calm and relaxation.
• Rejoice and please yourself and those around you… From time to time make small surprises, gifts, go for a walk, go to the cinema, cafe or just to the park… Giving joy to yourself and your loved ones, you receive in return a huge amount of energy and a positive charge, which, in turn, affects self-esteem, self-respect and quality of life.

Reality and self respect

Interestingly, our self-respect has nothing to do with reality. Self-esteem, talents, abilities often do not correspond to each other. History knows many cases when geniuses with exceptional talent and abilities had a low opinion of themselves. At the same time, there are people who have mediocre abilities or are completely deprived of both intelligence and talents. It's amazing how high self-esteem they have!

Lack of self-respect leads people to suffer from insecurity, constantly feeling guilty and overwhelmed, failing to reach their full potential, and enduring abusive situations and relationships. For example, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman who endures constant censure, insults, reproaches and humiliation? Such a wife with low self-esteem will say words to her husband that in another situation she would never say. With another man who can emphasize her dignity and show respect for her, she would be a completely different woman, with a different look at herself and her surroundings ...

The main danger of self-disrespect lies in the formation of an inadequate perception of society and one's place in it. Very low self-esteem provokes the appearance of constant shame, various kinds of phobias. All this, of course, has an impact on the success and self-realization of the individual.

How to increase self-esteem for a woman or a man?

There are many reasons that result in low self-esteem. As a rule, this is a deeply rooted idea of ​​​​a person about himself, originating in childhood, past experiences and prolonged absence of parents. Self-denial can cause experienced psychological and (or) sexual abuse, wrong decisions that led a person to significant problems. If a person has had to endure any kind of violence, he will definitely need the help of a professional to increase his self-esteem.

The help of a psychologist or psychotherapist will provide an opportunity to release the sore, speak out and reconcile. Many people try to increase their own self-esteem on their own, but this does not give the expected result. Sometimes this approach leads to a deterioration in the condition, up to the most negative consequences. To raise self-esteem on your own, you need to have remarkable fortitude, will and a stable psyche. The best option would be to contact a specialist.

What are the signs of lack of self respect?

Self-esteem is a variable. It depends on the situation and environment. There are people who are calm and positive with close people, and closed and shy with strangers. Others, on the contrary, are confident, active and optimistic outside the home, while at home they get lost and seem to fade away. We are all different. Not everyone knows how to maintain a balanced state of mind under stress and difficulties. Adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are formed in childhood. However, this does not mean that it is impossible to form it in adulthood. Just for this, at least the desire of the person himself is necessary.

Sometimes it seems that a person is quite self-confident, optimistic and positive. But in fact, such a person can constantly be in a state of struggle with himself, with his phobias and complexes. Therefore, low self-esteem manifests itself differently in different people. To understand how to learn to value and respect yourself, you need to conduct an introspection of the causes and signs of low self-esteem:

• guilt - frequent and unreasonable;
• auto-aggression;
• incessant self-criticism;
• tightness and shyness;
• different phobias, fears (for example, in public speaking).

People with established low self-esteem, as a rule, perceive the world as something hostile, and feel themselves in the role of a victim. They feel fear and unwillingness to express and assert their rights, refuse new experiences, miss opportunities and feel completely helpless and unfit for life. All this only worsens the condition, and the person moves in a vicious circle, constantly feeling shame and fear.

• create a list of your achievements and strengths, read it regularly;
• remember your uniqueness, value for loved ones and others, and even if there are none, then God certainly needs you. You are a person whom God loves and appreciates, but wants her to be transformed and get rid of bad thoughts and a painful state of mind;
• forbid yourself even to think: “No one needs me, no one loves me, I never succeed, I am a loser ...”;
• tidy up your appearance, this is very important for solving the problem of self-esteem;
• eat only healthy and wholesome food. Do not take food in front of TV, video, radio, etc. Make it a special time with a set table, even if you are alone;
• exercise at least three times a week and take daily walks in the fresh air;
• be sure to get enough sleep;
• undergo relaxing massage procedures and spare no expense for your health;
• the house should be clean and comfortable, and let your letters, cups, valuable gifts or just your pictures, photos decorate the walls or shelves;
• sometimes indulge yourself with sweets or do your favorite and interesting thing for you;
• listen to positive music, watch motivating, kind and bright movies, start to be interested in painting, dancing, culture;
• communicate with positive people;
• set yourself realistic goals and achieve results;
• and souls;
• learn how to cook deliciously, sing, dance and go to the temple, pray to God and ask to let love into your life and heart;
• complete unfinished business and do good deeds for people, reconsider your social circle, devote your time a little more to your neighbors, while expanding your horizons;
• do not be afraid of those who do not appreciate you, stand straight, straighten your back - you are no longer that humiliated little man. You have your own opinion and self-respect, confident and positive, and let evil remain somewhere out there, far from you;
• never compare yourself to anyone.

Every change of self is a work. Do not perceive this process as hard, tedious work. Enjoy the transformation, get joy and satisfaction from it.

self esteem- this is an objective assessment of oneself and the acceptance of personal character traits. Self-respect is deeply reflected in a person's life. Without self-respect, it is difficult for a person to make decisions, and a feeling of insecurity becomes a constant companion. However, do not give up, the situation can be dealt with. With a little work, you can develop self-respect. How? That's what we'll talk about now.

Let's analyze 8 tips to help build self-esteem.

1. Honesty with yourself

Strange as it may seem, but our inner circle always allows itself to put some pressure on us. Starting from early childhood, we receive advice from parents, teachers, colleagues. And it takes a toll on our self-esteem. But develop self-respect any person can. The main thing is to listen to yourself, believe in yourself and understand what is important to you. Even when the environment does not take your decisions seriously, the main thing is that you yourself make it. After all, you are a unique person and have the right to live your own decisions.

2. Criticism is not terrible

As a rule, people react negatively to criticisms, even if they are justified. To develop self-respect You need to learn how to take critical comments in the right way. View them from the side. If criticism is not justified, ignore it. But, if you feel that a critical remark really takes place, draw a conclusion and try not to make mistakes in the future. However, do not take everything to heart. And criticism should in no case affect the humiliation of your self-esteem.

3. Appearance

In our society, appearance matters a lot. It can give a person confidence or create a feeling of embarrassment. So pay attention to your appearance. At the same time, one cannot recklessly follow fashion. Stick to the golden mean. Choose your style and always be neat in clothes and hair.

4. Envy

Envy is a bad helper in development of self-esteem. Envying other people's successes, a person is able to despise himself for his failure to achieve such a level. Therefore, do not compare your successes with the successes of others. After all, someone will always be one step ahead. Just instead of envy, rejoice in success with others. Look up to successful people and strive for your heights.

5. Motives

People are able to work tirelessly to achieve calculated success, but it happens that the results are not very successful. In this case, what happens is that a person ceases to respect himself due to the fact that he did not receive high performance. Do not forget that you can achieve the desired goal only with self-respect and adequate self-esteem. Never give up believing in yourself, even when things aren't going well.

6. Respect for others

As you go through life with self-respect, you must be able to respect others, while never feeling superior to others. Look only for the good in others, then you will find more good qualities in yourself.

7. Hatred

People tend to err. But that's no reason to hate yourself. An endless sense of guilt and hatred for mistakes will lead to self-destruction of you as a person. It is better to learn from the mistakes made and do not repeat them again.

8. Forgiveness

The ability to forgive helps people in self-development. Learn to let go of past mistakes. Otherwise, guilt will not allow your self-esteem to live fully.

Remember that self-confidence is self-respect.

Self-respect is of great importance for the realization of a person's true needs and abilities. Too much in life depends on this factor and, above all, the level of claims. The higher the level of self-esteem, the easier it becomes for a person to achieve significant results in any activity. She begins to warm the flame of her own bold thoughts. Self-esteem directly reflects the degree of trust in oneself, the extent to which a person is ready to reveal his true essence. A self-confident person will never allow himself to be offended and humiliated by others. He literally exudes a sense of self-worth.

Every person has a need for self-respect. Everyone is born with a certain sense of self-worth. But only a few really manage to keep it in the process of growing up. It's no secret that most of our targets die before they even form. Many people are afraid of their dreams, do not know how to approach it, not to mention how to start working on achieving it. If parents knew how much they sometimes contribute to breaking the inner core of their child, they would be very surprised. Unjustifiably low self-esteem is the result of such influences.

Psychologists distinguish several levels of self-esteem. They are of great importance, especially when you need to understand the reasons for constantly occurring failures. These levels reflect the inner need for self-realization. The higher the level of self-esteem, the more adequate self-esteem can be called.

High level

With a high level of self-esteem, a person quite clearly understands what he wants to achieve in life. He does not seek to justify himself to anyone and does not try to arouse approval from others. For him, there are only his own internal laws, according to which he lives. It turns out that this person is more than others interested in self-realization, in being able to realize the wildest dreams and aspirations. A high level of self-esteem greatly helps to achieve what you want. Such a person will not miss the opportunity that has arisen.

Average

This level of self-esteem is common to most people. Such a person, although guided by the opinions of others, still understands what he needs to strive for in order to achieve happiness. This state helps him to be in balance with himself. The need for recognition and respect is realized, which makes a person aware of his importance. The only thing he lacks is the ability to distinguish his own desires from the demands that society puts forward. Often such a person sacrifices personal interests for the sake of the public. At work, he is usually loved and appreciated.

Low level

A low level of self-esteem is due to incorrect prioritization. In this case, a person does not realize his true needs, does not look for additional opportunities for self-realization. He is simply not confident in himself and his abilities. When there is no sense of self-worth, a person becomes irritable, does not know how to show himself in society from the best side. Afraid to discover his own prospects, he hides the available talents and opportunities.

How to develop self-esteem

The need for self-respect is a necessary ingredient for a happy life. A person will not be able to feel fully self-sufficient if he does not have adequate self-esteem. In order to achieve at least some satisfactory results in any activity, you must be able to appreciate yourself and your work. How to increase the level of self-esteem? There are a few simple steps. Let's try to figure it out!

self acceptance

Under the full acceptance of one's own essence is meant that a person refuses the thought of pleasing others. He will not sacrifice his own interests for the sake of public welfare. Those who truly love themselves will strive for personal development and self-realization. Self-acceptance is not about indulging your own weaknesses, but about learning not to be afraid of the new, to follow the voice that comes from the depths of the soul. The more a person accepts his own essence, the less he has a need to prove to others his worth. Such people look self-sufficient and courageous.

Independence

When thinking about the question of how to increase self-esteem, it is necessary to remember that self-sufficiency develops over time. Efforts must be made to become truly independent of the opinion of society and to have one's own voice. Independence in views and judgments implies that a person has the courage to embody his natural talents in life, follows his dream. In fact, this is very difficult to do, given how much people listen to the opinion of the majority. Having your own judgment, especially if it is fundamentally different from the opinions of others, is always difficult. After all, it is required to prove one's point of view, to have a strong inner sense of one's own rightness, to have the gift of persuasion.

Self-realization

This is an important point that helps to grow self-esteem. Someone who is sincerely passionate about something exudes tremendous confidence. Such a person literally glows with happiness, discovers in himself the greatest ability to change everything for the better. The need for self-respect cannot be ignored. Otherwise, a person will never be able to achieve his goals, he will not be able to see his individual prospects.

Ignoring criticism

Sometimes a person, getting into a social environment, loses his own individuality and self-respect. This happens for the reason that a person loses control over his life and, over time, actually stops developing. To become a fully self-sufficient person, you need to learn not to accept the criticism of others and in every possible way to move away from it. Ignoring negative messages addressed to you will help you get rid of many complexes and problems that will inevitably arise if you do not work on yourself in a timely manner. The ability to forgive one's own and other people's mistakes is also included in this paragraph. After all, only a person who is satisfied with his own life will not concentrate on negative aspects. To have adequate self-esteem means to appreciate one's own prospects and opportunities.

Thus, the need for self-esteem is one of the most necessary components that help the development of personality. A healthy attitude towards criticism, the ability to see a far-reaching goal is worth a lot.

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Self-respect helps to survive failures, unpleasant moments, moves towards the goal. Self-esteem is formed from childhood. Overestimated, lack of development leads to the absence of this feeling. As a result, a person considers himself inferior, critical of his actions, equals other people. Without self-respect, self-doubt arises. To learn to think freely, without looking back at the people around you, you should develop these qualities. How to develop a sense of self-worth?

How to cultivate a culture of behavior?

The first problems begin with a lack of self-acceptance. Lacking clear skills and having lost faith in his strength, a person rushes about in search of a leader or a person to follow. Another category of people tries on the role of a victim, enduring humiliation from superiors, swallowing attacks from close friends and acquaintances. Weak attempts to fight back end badly. and lack of understanding of how to act. To correct the situation, think about how to cultivate a culture of behavior?

Looking for positive qualities. Write down on a sheet of paper the character traits that you consider positive and necessary when communicating with people. For each quality, draw an image or symbol. Prepare picture cards and carry them with you. Symbols help to engage the creative hemisphere. Thus, already at this stage you will begin to develop. Hidden drawings will help hide from others what skills you are working on. You can place pictures in a conspicuous place.
Work on movement and speech. Remember which interlocutor is more pleasant to listen to. Surely the one who calmly discusses does not wave his arms. Inconsistent speech, active gestures and facial expressions are confusing. You no longer listen to the narrator, but follow the manipulations with your hands and wait for the person to go astray again. Such people rarely achieve what they have planned with the help of a discussion, as they distract and annoy the interlocutor. Cultivate a culture of speech, talk in front of a mirror, watch your manners. The movements should be slow and solid, and the story unhurried.

Behavior work. Stop imitating someone or go against your foundations. This does not mean that you need to make aggressive or provocative attacks on the public. People who follow a single line of conduct and inherit their principles are respected, they are equal to such individuals. Become not one of many, but a person with your own principles and rules of life. People who are afraid of what others will say about them are far from self-esteem and self-respect.

Work on gaining self-esteem

Harmless jokes of friends, a sharp word of colleagues or relatives addressed to you, lead a weak-willed person to soul-searching. The situation worsens with resentment, prolonged scourging of oneself. If you belong to this category of people, then it's time to work on gaining self-esteem.

The quality of life is determined by the person himself, forming physical and personal qualities. In other words, whatever you wish for in life is what you will get. Equally important is the execution of the plan. A written plan on paper will remain a dream if you do not act.
Record in a notebook the qualities you want to have. Describe how your day should go, what you want to do on the weekends, where you plan to spend your vacation. By achieving your goals, you gain self-respect and self-esteem.
Do a self-analysis. See what's getting in the way, desires. Common reasons are the lack of people in the environment who can support, lack of will, ignoring one's own needs. Theoreticians belong to a separate category. Such individuals know and can do everything, but only in words. They do not proceed to active actions, as there is not enough will and.
Love yourself. Forbid to respond mentally and aloud about your person negatively. Praise yourself for the positive qualities, find the good in the negative sides. Fulfill every week small desires, large - once a month. Cross completed tasks off the list. This motivates you to continue on and not stop, pride in yourself appears, strong-willed qualities develop.

Close debts. First of all, we are not talking about financial debts, but unfinished business. Make a list of tails and devote 1-2 hours a day to solving them. Break large tasks into small parts. Moving forward, you will see the result and clear the stones of unresolved problems that have been hanging on you for years.

Don't forget that a healthy mind resides in a healthy body. Connect proper nutrition and exercise. Don't make exercise a must. Pick a section based on your passions: playing tennis, dancing, fitness or learning yoga.

It takes time to develop qualities such as dignity and respect. Set aside time for classes, do exercises and tasks every day. Do not look for reasons to refuse to work on yourself. You can always find 10 min. a day for exercise. Just get up early in the morning.

How to develop a sense of self-worth? The tips above will help, but try to enhance the result with exercises recommended by psychologists:

Determine the values ​​you plan to live up to. Write down the positive qualities of 3 close people. Then give a brief description of each friend, what traits you like, what needs to be strengthened. Conduct a comparative analysis between people, note the general qualities, compatibility. Now look what happened.
Draw a map of life. Mark significant events on a piece of paper, analyzing the past. List them in descending order based on their importance. Remember how you felt during the period of events, what feelings you experienced.

These exercises help you understand what values ​​are important to you and open up a pattern of behavior. Now you understand the weaknesses and know what needs to be corrected in order to cultivate self-esteem.

February 11, 2014