“A blow to the nose is straight, obviously, and heals quickly. But a blow to your self-esteem in the right way at the right time can cripple you to death.”
~ Jay Carter, PhD

We have all encountered people who seek to somehow mock us, humiliate us and destroy our self-esteem. And it is not so important where you will encounter them - at work, at home, or in a circle of acquaintances. There will certainly be at least one person next to us who treats us much worse than we deserve.

And worst of all, they lower our rating in ways that are so subtle and non-obvious that other people may not always notice it. And if we try to explain how we feel, our tormentors will easily twist everything in their own way, exposing us as overly sensitive, selfish and prone to hasty judgments, turning us from victims into offenders.

I hope that as you study them in more detail, you will begin to understand much better who is who in the world around you:

1. They make you insecure

One of the methods of nasty people is to constantly keep you insecure. You never know when they'll throw a fit or do something that will piss you off.

For example, it may seem to you that you have reached an understanding, you have common topics for fun, and you, in general, have begun to trust this person. And so, when everything has been going on like this for some time, suddenly a vile person does something that crosses out everything that was before and again plunges you into a state of uncertainty and uncertainty.

You never know exactly how to feel about this person, so you create emotional crutches for yourself, convincing yourself that you do like him after all.

2. They enjoy projecting their feelings onto you.

The projection of feelings can be explained very simply: this is when a person takes his feelings as a basis, but makes you responsible for them. For example, a person who doesn't like you might tell you, "I think you don't like me."

They frame you in their projection, forcing you to explain and justify to them. And instead of thinking about the intentions of vile people, you start to doubt your own feelings.

3. They often try to manipulate you.

Manipulators seek power. Nasty people want to feel superior to you, and often make you feel like you owe them something. This behavior is common among politicians and managers.

For example, if you are asked to work overtime and you already have plans for the evening, your boss may try to convince you that work is more important than your plans.

And if you remind about those evenings that you worked overtime earlier, he will most likely try to turn everything in such a way that, allegedly, you were called to them yourself, or you worked out some kind of “service” of the boss.

4. They always try to force their opinions on others.

Nasty people like to label the people around them and then act like everyone agrees with them. For example, by saying "you are irresponsible", this person takes for granted that you are just such a person, and everyone around will agree with this characterization.

Nasty people label you because they are subconsciously trying to shatter your self-esteem instead of helping you deal with the real problem (if any). To help cope with the problem means to take on some of the responsibility, and vile people are not ready to do this.

5. Even when they tell the truth, they generalize and inflate it.

Beware of generalizations. Nasty people often use generalizations to make a molehill out of a fly. For example, if you forgot to clean the apartment, the nasty person might say, “You never help me” (translation: You forgot to clean the apartment) or “You are of no use” (translation: You forgot to clean the apartment).

And again, instead of tackling the real problem, they hit your self-esteem. The problem is that the apartment is dirty, not that you are useless or not helping.

6. They strike on the sly

“I don’t want to upset you, but ...” (Most likely, you will be upset about something now). “I don’t want to interrupt you, but…” (But I already interrupted!).

As a rule, nasty people who are about to hit you on the sly speak in a soft, sympathetic voice. Sympathy can be seen on their faces. They may seem like the nicest people - only here in the second hand behind their backs they hold a dagger.

7. They give double meaning to words.

Double meaning usually appears in phrases whose words say one thing, but the tone says something completely different. For example, nasty people may ask you in a mocking tone: “Well, how are you”? And if you answer, as you most likely want to, “Get out!”, A vile person with a clear conscience will tell all his friends that you are in a bad mood today, and you rush at everyone, but he just asked how you business.

Nasty people are great masters of double bottom phrases. To observers, they may even seem harmless, but you immediately feel how they hit right on target.

8. They love to cut off conversations.

Another valuable tool of a vile person is to cut off a conversation in mid-sentence. If he asks you to tell something about yourself, be sure - he will cut you off before you finish answering.

Yes, and their questions are often tricky. If you are asked something like “Have you stopped drinking cognac in the morning?”, Know that there is simply no right answer to this question. A vile person may even cut off the dialogue with you in the middle, leaving you alone with a bunch of unspoken thoughts.

9. They take you to the top and then cut off your wings

But when you really need help, a vile person will gently and unobtrusively switch your attention to your own negative traits. This way, he can cut off your wings in order to indulge his own sense of superiority and instill in you the confidence that you need him.

10. They use "double bullshit" on you.

"Double nonsense" is the meanest of all their tricks, because with it you will harm yourself both if you agree with them, and if you oppose them. For example, if you enroll in a self-esteem course, your "soulmate" may begin to envy you or believe that your increased self-esteem is threatening her in some way. And in the end, you are faced with an ultimatum: "Either me, or your courses."

Of course, you are not going to give up established personal relationships for the sake of courses - but by doing so you are depriving yourself of the slightest chance to make the slightest positive changes in your own life.

How to avoid the influence of nasty people

Now, having learned about 10 ways that vile people ruin your life, you not only have a much better idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhow to counter them, but you also better understand both the vile people themselves and their intentions.

No wonder they say that knowledge is power. And even if we can't avoid some of the people in our lives, we can at least avoid their traps.

And after all, all that is needed for this is to pay more attention to the behavior of the people around us, and behave with them more confidently and assertively.

Insolence is something like shamelessness and impudent self-confident impudence, which borders on rudeness. Sometimes arrogance has a positive connotation when the emphasis is on confidence in the actions taken, and not on their arrogance. Our self-doubt is often contrasted with such "positive" arrogance. In the speech was about self-doubt, fear of decisive action and changes in life. In this vein, overcoming fear is not even arrogance, but rather such an awareness of what is happening, when it becomes clear that fears are groundless and do not make sense. There is no longer any opposition to this. However, a modern “self-confident” person often gets stuck precisely between the opposing “arrogance” and “uncertainty” in his abilities, finding himself either on one pole of this antagonism, or on the other. Let's try to understand the essence of these phenomena.

Take, for example, such an everyday situation when a checkpoint is set up at the entrance to work. Let's say that several times in the past you have already forgotten your pass, and the guard, violating the charter, let you through because he "entered into your position", because he knows that you really work here. You are almost used to the loyalty of the local security service. But now, a new guard has recently appeared, arrogant, strict in face and unfriendly. And now, once again absent-mindedness happened to you. The pass was left at home, you look at the guard with a smile, apologize, but he waves his head, they say, and there can be no question! They have their own rules! Flirting with the guard does not lead to anything. He does not care that you have to return home for a pass, and then write an "explanatory letter". And at this time, a completely “adequate” feeling of irritation may arise. What is really going on? Is it really justified in this situation, irritation at the "arrogance"?

In such situations, in order to get rid of a painful reaction, it is necessary to clearly understand what guides its participants. As a rule, it is enough to understand the cause of the external stimulus. If the apparent reason is the behavior of the guard, then it is necessary to analyze this, the visible reason. Why did the security guard show impudence? Because you bastard? This is not an external cause, but a personal subjective reaction. For now, let's talk about external causes.

A guard can be annoyingly scrupulous simply because he is afraid of being punished for violating the rules. It is easy to understand a person who is afraid. Fear can be expressed as external concern, or something like "righteous" anger. But even this level of understanding of the external cause can keep the anger directed at the frightened guard. “Inappropriate stupidity” can irritate - they say, “you can’t be such a blockhead as to create problems for others because of unreasonable fears!”. If you believe that the guard's fear is due to his limited understanding of the situation, it is worth understanding what exactly the person is afraid of. He (“in vain”) may be afraid of losing his job, or fear that a reprimand from his superiors will make him experience humiliation and even more fear. Here the connection between an act and its cause is quite simple to understand. It's easy to understand fear. When a person is afraid, he suffers. Harder to understand arrogance.

To understand arrogance, you need to decompose it into components that are easier to understand. As already mentioned, arrogance and self-doubt are two poles. In essence, these are two sides of the same coin, the same phenomenon. An insolent person is an insecure person. And in order to somehow balance this self-doubt, in order to prove to himself that everything is different, a self-doubt person begins to show impudence. He does not know himself, and therefore seeks confirmation from external sources. He is forced to look for confirmation of this "importance" in the outside world, in how others react to him.

Sometimes, an insolent person, in order to make sure that he is an “important” person, can humiliate another person for this purpose, or kick the door of his own closet, which suddenly got in the way of an “important” person. An insolent person asserts himself because he is afraid to endure humiliation. A person shows impudence to maintain his self-esteem, to prove to himself that he is important! .

Perhaps the example of arrogance and self-doubt at the checkpoint is not the most revealing. There can be any examples: situations on the roads, in queues, at the division of “booty”, etc. Everyone in life can have their own examples, depending on experience and data in the subconscious. Figuratively speaking, when two impudent men meet, it is like a meeting of two young bulls who cannot part in any way on a narrow path.

When arrogance meets wisdom, it's like a badass karate novice goading an experienced black belt. An experienced one can consciously give in, show flexibility, because he is already confident in himself, he does not need external confirmation of his strength, which the beginner needs so much. The big smart dog is calm, and the little mongrel barks at all passers-by.

When "strength" rests on the weakness of others, such strength is worthless. True strength is to be able to insist on one's own, to give back to an equal, but at the same time not to do this under the influence of self-affirmation. A strong person will not push unless the situation calls for it. Good is not a crusade against "infidels". Good is stronger than evil, not because "he who wins is good." Good is wisdom, understanding the consequences, understanding yourself and your true needs. No one can desire violence with all their heart. Insolence is a distorted, incomplete understanding of one's own nature. Good is stronger than evil, because a good person has learned the futility of evil.

It may seem that in this article arrogance and self-doubt are criticized. The only goal that I actually pursue here is to display this mental mechanism on a verbal level. Ideally, it is worth remembering that both arrogance and self-doubt are superficial, it is a mental illusion that spends a lot of energy. Audacity and self-doubt are short-sighted "advisers". Their leadership leads to painful extremes and delusions. Without arrogance and self-doubt, there is more energy and clarity for.

You can forgive another person, stop being annoyed when there is a deep, clear understanding of his actions. Moreover, what really irritates us is what lives in ourselves. We are annoyed by the arrogance of another person, because we forbid ourselves to show this quality. The impudence of the "other" person - on external reality. Someone else's unacceptable arrogance is our own arrogance, which our personal inner censor roughly shoved into the pantry of the unconscious. And now she breaks out of there in the form of an angry irritant.

In other words, we prohibit other people's impudence simply because we have forbidden it to ourselves. Being arrogant is not "bad" at all. As long as repressed insolence lasts, it is useful to bring it to the surface in a practical and moderate manner in the form of appropriate "confidence." Then, someone else's arrogance will not cause envy and irritation. This is already a deeper work on a personal inner level.

In the end it all comes down to . The fear of an insecure impudent person is easier to forgive than impudence. We are all still learning. The ego is stable in dynamic equilibrium. - a structure that is constantly flowing, changing, supplemented by new "strokes". Therefore, the ego is in constant search for new supports. There is never “enough” for this structure, it is always “not enough”. The ego is constantly looking for external confirmation of its prosperity. But even at this level, relative calm is achievable, when a person frees himself from the polarity of self-doubt impudence.

To harmonize and eliminate specific fears, it may be appropriate to analyze the situation, an example of which is given in this article, and following the methods mentioned in the article "". To eliminate fear completely, you need to know yourself, your true. This is the spiritual state of the Buddha. Sincere striving for this can teach a lot. But here I will not advise "enlightening" and meditating. Everyone balances life most effectively with those "tools" that are available on the current one.

How many proverbs and sayings there are in the Russian language with the word impudence: "Impudence is the second happiness", "Give free rein to the impudent - he will want more." This word is mentioned several times even in the Bible, but what does it mean?

Meaning of the word

The noun "impudence" is a word derived from the adjective "impudent". Means a character trait akin to impudence and audacity. Manifested in a direct look at point-blank range, raising his voice or tone, an attempt to confuse the interlocutor in any way. It is most often the result of impunity and a sense of security, a sense of superiority over others due to high social status, self-confidence or despair.

In other people, arrogance causes contempt, irritation or a desire to resist.

From the old Russian "impudence" the word "impudence" came from. The meaning of the word then was somewhat different - "quick, fast." Knowing this, you already look at the established expression in a different way: “Look, how fast!” You can safely say: “Look, how arrogant!” - and the value will not change.

The main signs of arrogance

Who is most often called an insolent? After all, this quality has very wide and blurred boundaries. Some call arrogance impudence, while others call it excessive confidence.

So, an impudent person is one who is characterized by the following qualities:

• complete disregard for the opinion of society, the norms established by it, if the latter stand in the way of the goal;
• without a shadow of embarrassment, a person can take what does not belong to him, if he wants;
• The insolent puts his interests above all else. He has no love for children or women. If a person needs it, he will "go over their heads";
• if a remark is made to an arrogant person, he will remain silent or begin to be rude, but he will not change his tactics of behavior;
• completely absent a sense of shame, and do not care what you think;
• persistent and demanding, there is also the expression "takes impudently";
• constantly interferes in the affairs of others, while imposing a point of view, even when he is not asked.

Being arrogant - good or bad?

Of course, if arrogance is something like a lack of shame or self-confident impudence, then it is bad for those around you. But today, when the world belongs to self-confident people, the word "impudence" also means complete confidence in the actions performed by a person. The main thing is not to be arrogant towards opponents. In this vein, this concept has a positive connotation.

The antagonism of "positive" arrogance will be self-doubt and fear of taking a step towards changing life. At its core, arrogance and self-doubt are sides of the same coin.

Uncertainty and arrogance: are they close?

So what does the word "arrogance" mean? Its meaning becomes more understandable if we decompose arrogance as a manifestation into its components. It immediately becomes clear that an insolent person is often just an insecure person. Only in order to prove to himself and others that this is not so, an insecure person begins to show impudence.

He has an exaggerated sense of "importance", and in order to confirm to himself that he is irreplaceable and priceless, the insolent (read - insecure) seeks to humiliate others in order to exalt himself in his own eyes. Someone to humiliate? And the locker will come, let's kick it, there is nothing to stand in the way of such an "important" person. And the insolent asserts himself out of fear of humiliation. Note that an insolent person will never humiliate a person if he feels strength and power in advance. slows him down.

When arrogance enters into a confrontation with wisdom, it is like a meeting between an elephant and a Pug. A wise elephant does not need to assert himself, he is confident in himself, in his strength. That is why he is so calm. And the mongrel always barks, but inside her every hamstring trembles. She, overcoming fear, asserts herself.

The insolent cannot understand one thing for himself, that the “strength” that rests on the “weakness” of others is worthless. In fact, strength lies in the ability to achieve one's own without pressure and humiliation of others, weaker ones. Insolence is a complete misunderstanding of yourself and your needs.

Why do we get annoyed by someone else's arrogance?

It is an irritant for everyone that lives in us and we do not like or are forbidden. In other words, the impudence of another person irritates us, because it lives in ourselves. We ourselves would be glad to assert ourselves at the expense of others, but we do not like it when they assert themselves at our expense.

But being insolent is not so bad if we hold back this trait in ourselves, suppress it and let it out in the form of confidence. As soon as an understanding of oneself comes, someone else's impudence, the meaning of which becomes clear to us, ceases to irritate us.

What benefit can

If “positive” impudence lives in you, it can even help you in some way. There are five aspects of the positive impact of this quality on you and your life:

1. Your self-esteem will rise. Often, public opinion and cliches hammered in in childhood prevent a person from starting to act. And if there is also a lack of self-confidence, then the fear of getting the opinion that you are just an insolent person is holding back a person from moving forward. Spontaneous actions help to increase appreciation in your own eyes (the main thing is that actions are not directed to the detriment of another person).
2. Your situation will improve. Having committed, we then often reproach ourselves, feel guilty, but time passes, and we understand that this particular one was the most correct. So, arrogance is what helped to solve a situation that was simply unrealistic to solve in another way.
3. Life starts to change. Read on and you will notice how many examples there are when such “arrogant”, thoughtless, actions performed on intuition led to a radical change in the entire course of life. Career began to go uphill, prosperity grew, success came. And people just did what others considered unacceptable. That is, they were insolent.
4. The desired is achieved. Often people discuss other people's requests. It so happened that in our time it is considered: to ask means to be humiliated, and if you ask also for yourself, then this is simply unacceptable arrogance. But successful people look at the request in a completely different way. You just need to ask the right people in the right way.
5. The emergence of perseverance in action. Often, our perseverance is taken by others for arrogance. But is it right? Even the Bible says, "Knock, it will be opened to you." And if the desired result is obtained and you celebrate the victory, then is the opinion of others so important?

Is it worth it to be rude?

If we consider the word "impudence", which is defined from the point of view of the above aspects, then the word "insolent" thrown at the back will no longer sound like an insult, but like a recognition - you are on the right track, moving towards your goal. And people have always condemned and discussed those who stand out from the crowd.

If you know that you are acting for the good (your own) and do not harm others, then what do you care about someone else's opinion? Just move towards your goal and don't be afraid to take risks.

Insolence as a personality trait is a tendency to act without moral, moral and legal grounds for that.

A bear, a hare, a wolf and a fox gathered to play cards. Well, the bear announces the rules: “The one who cheats and peeks at other people's cards will be beaten on the arrogant red face!”

It is unreasonable to confuse impudence with rudeness, impudence, impudence, impudence and rudeness. It is not reasonable to mix insolent people with rude people, impudent people and, moreover, boors. For example, is the well-known lieutenant Rzhevsky impudent or impudent? Of course, impudent, because there is no shame in him. Insolence, like arrogance, also involves pressure without any reason, but in the absence of shame. It is no coincidence that young people call insolent bullies, zhirobasy, tractors. Brazen as a tank, that is, rushing ahead, "bull", trying to prove his importance and assert himself.

It would seem that Gogol's hero from the poem "Dead Souls" Nozdryov can serve as a vivid example of impudence. Not at all, he presents us with a "deceitfully impudent variety of vulgarity." The main character traits of Nozdrev are impudence, impudence, boastfulness, energy and unpredictability. His actions are well calculated, and impudence is characterized by improvisation, shocking the victim so that his mouth opens in amazement.

At the whirlpool there are two fish: a large one and a small one. The big fish looks at the small one rapaciously and says, "But the big fish always eat the small ones." The little one replies: “I agree! Where will we find them?" A large fish opened its mouth from such impudence, and a small one swam away at that time. Audacity second happiness.

The unconditional insolent was the French General Male. Having forged documents, he appointed himself in 1812 the military commandant of Paris. Arriving at the central barracks, he declared: “The Emperor is dead. He was killed on October 8 near Moscow…” Then the order of the military commandant of Paris was read out. The commander of the barracks, who received the rank of colonel, was instructed to immediately lead the troops entrusted to him to Greve Square. It was necessary to occupy the town hall and, together with the prefect of the department of the Seine, prepare a meeting room for the provisional government. Under the order was the signature of the divisional general Male. So, on a rainy night on October 23, 1812, one of the most amazing adventures in world history began. Everything went smoothly. The troops amicably went over to the side of Male. Male got burned by chance. Napoleon could not recover from such impudence for a long time. On his orders, Male, along with his associates, was shot.

In Russian history, Grigory Rasputin can safely claim the place of the first insolent. In this man converged all the necessary attributes of arrogance. Matryona Rasputin recalls: “It was an amazing picture when Russian princesses, countesses, famous actresses, all-powerful ministers and high-ranking officials courted a drunken peasant. He treated them worse than he treated footmen and maids. At the slightest provocation, he scolded these aristocratic ladies in the most obscene manner and in words that would have made grooms blush. His audacity was indescribable."

Insolence is good in moderation, but if it is based on greed, envy, anger and the desire to subordinate everyone to your whims, it is absurd to expect any favors from it. Insolent people like Rasputin are ready to do anything to achieve their goals. Insolence is always repelled by selfishness. Only the trouble is not that they have goals, but the means by which they go to them. Rasputin could reach such heights only with courage. Insolence and courage complement each other, but if courage is a sign of nobility, then arrogance is a sign of marriage in education. However, arrogance without courage does not exist.

Insolence is indifferent to the assessments of the surrounding world. If it comes from a riot of evil power and fermentation of the spirit, then it is capable of shocking people not in order to humiliate them, but simply because of the complete disregard for the significance of someone else's opinion. Matrena Rasputina says: “Most often, my father ate with his hands. He was not accustomed to instruments, with the exception of a spoon, and therefore did not consider them necessary. He said: "God gives food, why poke it." He pulled me up when I tried to eat in all the rules of good taste. Rasputin neglected secular conventions not in order to rise above the courtiers. He did this on the basis of his insolent nature: to spit and spit on secular manners and conventions. He had no thought of adopting the manners of the aristocratic salons of the well-bred St. Petersburg nobility. He considered his behavior natural, and not defiant and arrogant.

When a person's behavior does not comply with social regulations, when he does not behave like everyone else, then a verdict is born: “He is insolent. Acting provocatively." In society, as B. Shaw joked, "every person has the right to his own opinion, provided that it coincides with ours." Rasputin behaved defiantly insolently, that is, he did not laugh when everyone laughed, did not rejoice when others showed joy. The expression on his face never matched the obsequious masks of those around him. In order to resist the dictate to behave in a non-defiant way, independence of judgment, independence and a certain courage are needed. Rasputin's insolence is a protest against conformism and the swamp of social coercion. He wanted to be himself, and not like everyone else in the court camarilla. Such claims to individual freedom could not but arouse envy. Most of us want to be arrogant in the good sense of the word, like Rasputin - self-sufficient and courageous. Rasputin was not impudent, boorish and rude. He was a bright example of positive insolence. To become a darling of fate, and, therefore, a positive insolent person is the dream of many people.

Do you think Rasputin was confident in himself? Undoubtedly. There was no fear or reverence for the importance of the outside world in his impudence. It is very important to understand that, often, arrogance is a mutation of self-confidence, efficiency, strength and determination. The manifestations of Rasputin's impudence are the splashing out into the world of a mighty force dormant in it, which does not want to put up with the swamp of life. Self-confidence is impossible in the presence of fear and importance. Outwardly, arrogance and confidence are very similar, but if confidence loves itself and people, then Rasputin's confidence could not love a gang of bribe-takers, hangers-on and sycophants. “One word from Rasputin was enough for officials to receive high orders or other distinctions. Therefore, everyone was looking for his support, - Aron Simanovich wrote. - Appointments, for which long-term service was necessary, were carried out by Rasputin in a few hours. He delivered positions to people that they had never dared to dream of before. He was an almighty miracle worker, but at the same time more accessible and reliable than any high-ranking person or general. Not a single tsar's favorite has ever achieved such power in Russia as he did.

Rasputin's positive impudence was based on a powerful self-confidence, but it did not generate benevolence towards the royal clique of crooks. The courtiers were jealous that a simple uncouth peasant was in charge of the king. In fact, an unusually gifted man, by the strength of his mighty will and positive impudence, supported the weak-willed and worthless ruler of the sixth part of the earth with the short name "Rus".

The courtiers were annoyed by Rasputin's insolence, because they were not given and it was terrible to show this quality, opportunism hindered. Rasputin lives in every person, but not everyone can release him into the wild. Rasputin's insolence is a projection of our inner Rasputin onto the outside world. But we keep our Rasputin in chains, and now he breaks out of there in the form of our condemnations. That is, we do not recognize our inner impudence, we reject it and do not admit even to ourselves in its existence. But as soon as we see the arrogance from the outside - that's it, the trigger worked, we recognized our native arrogance and proceed to condemn and reproach it.

Why are we not offended by the arrogance of a parrot when he cries: “Fool! Cretin!? And why don't we resent the defiant behavior of the monkey that spat at us in the zoo? Here we are walking down the street, and we see a drunken dirty bum lying in a puddle. He lifts his head and says, "Freak." Why don't we say to him: "Insolent"? Because our inner Rasputin does not see them as his equal, does not catch his likeness. Therefore, if you want not to react to arrogance at all, then you need to either strangle your inner Rasputin or give him sleeping pills. In this situation, you will react to an insult to an insolent person in the same way as to a parrot, a monkey or a drunken bum in a puddle. In a psychiatric hospital, the doctor, making his rounds, sees the antics and jumps of the patients, hears insolent insulting cries at his own expense. He indifferently passes by, dictating to the nurse: "Ivanov - imizin, Petrov - nialamid, Sidorova - sibazon." You, too, can instead of anger react to the tirade of the insolent tram with the words: “So, so. Daily dose of bromine, valerian root and motherwort herb tea. Before meals, three times a day. In two weeks, we will meet at the same time in this tram.” Can you imagine how the insolent face will stretch out? Much like in this story.

One of the flights is canceled, and all the passengers on this flight are patiently queuing for a charming company representative to be transferred to the next convenient flight for them. And suddenly, pushing the others away, some arrogant guy comes over and says that he needs to rewrite the ticket for such and such a flight. Well, the girl politely tells him so that, they say, would he be so kind as to stand in line like everyone else. To which the impudent type literally hissed at her: “Do you know who I am!?” The girl calmly takes the microphone and announces to the entire terminal: “Ladies and gentlemen! The man near the eighth counter needs help. Can anyone identify his identity. He forgot who he is!!! The queue fell down with laughter, and the greyhound type could only say “I had you ...” To which the cute creature, without changing her facial expression, said: “I’m very sorry, but for this you will also have to queue up !!!”

When we hear a brazen cry and silence in response, we learn a lot of unpleasant things about ourselves. From time to time it is useful to let your depressed Rasputin go for a walk in the form of confidence. This is how we reveal our hidden secret side of personality. When we meet an insolent person, we learn to understand ourselves better and realize how to be ourselves. The impudence of others contributes to our personal growth.

Unlike the impudence of Rasputin, the usual ordinary insolent is weak. He tries to compensate for his weakness, to prove it by humiliating others. Lack of intelligence is compensated by an excess of arrogance. Insolence willingly attacks when the defense is weak. Sometimes it takes a little arrogance to turn the tide of a fight. Impunity pushes impudence to degenerate into rudeness. A self-confident person will not prove anything, make excuses and resent. He loves and appreciates himself, living in harmony with the outside world. He treats people kindly and kindly. Rasputin treated ordinary people favorably. Rasputin's apartment was always full of the most diverse people. Many came here as if they were at home - they brought some food and drank tea in the dining room, where a huge samovar with boiling water was at the service of guests at any time. It was possible to come here without food. For those who came, as they say, empty-handed, a simple treat was always prepared on the table. Most often - boiled potatoes, sauerkraut and black bread, both fresh and in the form of crackers. In other words, arrogance is selective. To detachment - impudence, to ordinary people - honor and respect. So did Rasputin. Insolence according to Rasputin harmonizes the world. Insolence bows its head reverently before love, strength and respect, and straightens its shoulders in the face of weakness and fear.

Often, arrogance becomes a derivative of fear. The weak is afraid of losing a loved one, a job, some benefits. The cure for fear is arrogance for him. Criminals, when they are taken by the “gills”, become impudent from fear and, in order to hide their sticky fear, yell: “Shameful wolves. Poor cops." We always feel eerie when we see this fear behind the arrogance. It’s creepy, because we recognize our hidden fear in the inappropriate behavior of the insolent. This is a very unpleasant state for our ego.

On the scale "Impudence - modesty" the question is always solved - how much a person respects other people. If you are not destined to die of modesty, then arrogance is the manifested side in you. Dont be upset. In a world of dominant egoism, arrogance in moderation is a positive quality. Most people have formed stereotypes: Insolence quickly takes what modesty did not have time to grab; Excessive modesty is an infringement of oneself. Excessive impudence is an infringement of others; The brazen is naked, and the modest is secretive. Anatole France said: "Everything must be done in moderation, even in modesty." Immeasurable arrogance attracts trouble and difficulties.

Society calls impudence any striving for independence. Imagine that arrogance is dead. All people live a rigid, orderly life. Nobody is being provocative. Einstein sips beer at a local bar, Lomonosov fishes in Pomory, Suvorov leads serf girls to the hayloft, Newton grows apple trees, and Salvador Dali teaches drawing at a local school. Everything is quiet and decent. Nobody stands out. Technological progress has stopped. The world is arranged in such a way that if there is no development, degradation begins, if there is no progress, regression begins. The world freezes in stillness. Realizing his doom, he stretches his hands outstretched in prayer to the sky and exclaims: “Come! Come, life-giving impudence!”

Petr Kovalev

Sassy and unceremonious people climb into life? For them there are no boundaries, prohibitions and decency. How to get away from communication and put impudent people in their place?

Sassy and unceremonious people climb into your life as if it were their own territory. For them there are no boundaries, prohibitions and decency. They command, they criticize, they demand obedience, they are rude with full confidence that they have the right to do so. With such people, there are only two acceptable options for behavior: either resolutely move away from communicating with them, or put them in their place.

Ignore the insolent

If an insolent person pesters you with his remarks, insults and harassment on the street, in transport or in some other public place, you can simply get away from such communication and do it absolutely calmly, without uttering a word. Remember that you are not required to respond to all remarks and questions addressed to you. A complete lack of reaction is the best answer to an insolent person. Ignore him and you won't give him the gift he's looking forward to. After all, he is waiting for your reaction - it does not matter if it is embarrassment, confusion or rudeness on your part. For him, it is only important to get you out of yourself one way or another. Deep down, he feels flawed, he has low self-esteem, and only in this way can he feel significant, feel his power. So let him see that he has no power over you, for you he is nobody, an empty place. Do not let the insolent person assert himself at your expense.

Just laugh

If there is no way to completely get away from communication (for example, this is a fellow traveler in transport, with whom, whether you like it or not, you have to be around for some time), it can be hard to play silent, you will begin to tense up willy-nilly, and insolent to your he will feel joy that he “got you” after all. In this case, you can react to the actions of the impudent, but not at all in the way he expects, but in the exact opposite way. For example, instead of answering his tactless questions, you can smile and say in the softest, most pleasant voice: “You are so kind and well-mannered, you rarely meet such a nice person ...” And if he swears, shouts or openly insults you, smile again or even laugh, start clapping your hands and exclaiming: “Bravo! Bravo!" Do not take the insolent person seriously - this is just a poorly educated person with a low level of culture. The fact that he behaves this way is his problem, not yours. Turn everything into a game, from which, it is possible, you will even enjoy it in the end.

Feel free to fight back

A slightly different situation is when we have to communicate with a sassy, ​​unceremonious person more or less constantly. For example, he is your neighbor or work colleague. It is important to immediately stop his attempts to get into your life. This must be done calmly but firmly. Unfortunately, it often happens that we automatically answer someone's questions before we have time to realize that this is not necessary. For example, an unceremonious neighbor comes to your house without an invitation, begins to look at your things and asks where you have so much money to buy them. Control yourself, do not rush to answer. It’s better to avoid answering with a counter question, for example: “Do you ask everyone these questions?” or “What else would you like to know about me?” You can say directly that you do not intend to answer, do not want to communicate. You can unequivocally point to the door. But try to do without swearing and screaming, these reactions require too much nervous expenditure, save your strength. Yes, and you should not stoop to the level of insolence, your self-esteem may suffer from this.

Do not forget that the most effective way to protect yourself from arrogance and arrogance is to learn to say “no”. With this word, you will put an invisible, but reliable barrier between yourself and the insolent pestering you. He crawls into your soul, asks for a visit, demands that you do something for him or for him - say a firm “no”. He shouts - say that you do not intend to communicate in that tone. If he is already overstepping any bounds, threatening or doing nasty things to you - remember that you have the right to sue him or at least warn that you can do it. Brazen people are often cowardly at heart, and this technique can help curb them.

Workshop

If some arrogant and unceremonious person endlessly gets you, learn, as soon as you see him approaching, mentally place yourself under an imaginary glass cap. It is possible in another way: imagine that you put it under a glass cap. And start looking at him with curiosity, as if through a glass, while not listening to what he says.

You can think about something of your own and at the same time agree and smile. He will quickly get tired of pestering you.

If, while communicating with an impudent person, you feel that everything is boiling inside, you cannot keep calm - remember that restraining emotions is harmful to health. If you really want to make a scandal - make a scandal! But just don't take it seriously. Imagine that you are an actor who plays a scandal on stage or in a series. Enjoy the game - and throw out emotions to the fullest!

And remember that if other methods fail, you always have the right to sharply reject the insolent person. And don't be afraid to be rude.