Here is a sad example for you. In 1991, rumors spread throughout the US African-American community that one of the manufacturers of the popular lemonade, under pressure from the leaders of a racist organization, was mixing a drug into the recipe that made black men infertile. It was a rumor, and not confirmed, but what happened to people! Not only sales of lemonade fell by 70%, attacks began on company representatives and their offices.

As you can see, gossip is not at all harmless: it harms business, reputation and specific people. We tell you how to act in order not to become a victim of rumors, especially if they spread about you.

Do not look for the source of gossip

Your first reaction to gossip will most likely be to slow everything down and just wave your hand: “Let them talk.” It is not necessary to do so. You also don’t need to get angry, show irritation, and even threaten to “pull out your tongue” to someone who spreads rumors about you. This behavior can reinforce others in the idea that there is no smoke without fire.

Above all, keep your dignity. This should become your feature - no matter what they say about you, you do not lose face. This advice is given by Rick Brenner, a psychologist, consultant and business coach.

He also recommends not trying to figure out the source of the gossip, in most cases it is useless, and you simply will not find the ends. People spread negative, albeit false, information about others because it protects them. This conclusion was made by scientists from Stanford University led by Rob Wheeler.

Distance yourself from gossip

Don't let yourself get caught up in gossip. Rumors are not you and not about you, but about those to whom you have become a bone in the throat. Someone envied you, your position or talents and decided in this way to cast a shadow on you. This is their weakness and their problem. Michael Kraus, a social psychologist at the Yale Business School, believes that the process of distancing yourself from the situation is extremely important.

Just in case, think about whether you could give rise to rumors, analyze your behavior and, if you provoked chatter, stop feeding the curious environment with the details of your life.

Love yourself with triple strength

It may seem that in such a difficult moment you are not at all up to loving yourself. And here you are walking downcast, immersed in yourself and deep stress. In this case, even those who did not believe the rumors will begin to suspect you of all sins. After all, an innocent person can't suffer like that. Therefore, urgently pull yourself together, stop being sad and surround yourself with endless quivering love. Psychologist Joan Berlin gives us such a recommendation.

The second important step towards overcoming the situation is forgiveness. Yes, yes, we urge you to forgive those who spread rumors. We understand that this is difficult and painful for you. But anger and resentment devour from the inside not them, but you.

Imagine that a bag of garbage was placed under your door. Would you bring him into an apartment, so that you could worry all day and swear at those who could do this to you? Most likely, you will shrug your shoulders and just dump the garbage in the garbage chute. So it is with resentment and anger - let them out of yourself. To calm down and recover, use yoga, walking, meditation. Or take a break from work.

Strike back

Here's what you can do when faced with gossip about yourself - use the truth. Choose people who are loyal to you (there are such people in your environment?) and distribute reliable information through them. It should be as contradictory as possible.

For example, there was a rumor going around behind your back that an affair began between you and a handsome colleague and you spent the weekend together. Break the gossip with the truth: tell your friends that last weekend you and a colleague and a couple of other people from the office attended a seminar in another city, where you listened to reports of smart people until the night. Ideally, if photographs and cards of participants are attached to this.

The main thing is more facts and confirmations of your words. Accounting, for example, can confirm that travel allowances have been issued to you.

Here's another original recommendation: if you're the boss and your subordinates gossip, try reorganizing work groups to break up gossip pairs. That is, as soon as you notice that gossip has started again, transfer the talkers to different shifts or load them with work so that there is no time to scratch your tongues. Harmony and mutual understanding in the team is most important. Oh, and pay attention to the endless conversations at the water cooler: this is where gossip is born most often.

Man's language small, but how many lives he broke. - Omar Khayyam

Only an immature person worries about what they will say about him or what he will be called. No matter how you call the sakura, whatever you call it, it still blooms divinely. - Sakuma Shozan

It has always been a mystery to me how people can respect yourself by humiliating the same as themselves.
- Mahatma Gandhi

Never need to look for the guilty - you need to live without hurting anyone, don't judge others people and be absolutely free.
- Omar Khayyam

Don't judge someone else's past - you don't know your future

You never have to explain anything to anyone. That who does not want to listen will not hear and the one who listens and understands needs no explanation.

Around the one who represents something, they always dissolve rumors and gossip those who are nothing.
- Juliana Wilson

As long as people criticize viciously and aggressively, you have no chance to degrade. It means that God cleanses your heart.

clear conscience He is not afraid of lies, rumors or gossip.
- Ovid

People talk badly about others in order to justify themselves in the eyes of others.
- Author unknown

Who knows himself, he is not afraid of what they say about him.
- Imam ash-Shafi'i

No one can judge others until they learn to judge themselves.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If you are criticized, then you are doing everything right. Because people attack anyone with brains.
- Written by Bruce Lee

Gossip is the price of hospitality.
- Don Aminado

People are saturated with malice, hatred and envy. And I doubt it's all from the good life. A person who is happy will never wish harm to someone, spread ridiculous rumors, and try to quarrel someone. Only sick people do this, and unfortunately they are sick in soul and heart.
- Al Pacino, The Godfather

Don't judge a person until you've spoken to them in person, because everything you hear is hearsay.
- Michael Jackson

There are such dirty gossips that it is more shameful to listen to them than to repeat them.
- Jacques Deval

Gossip is spread only by low-minded people.
- Silovan Ramishvili

Nothing is more capable of transforming fables than gossip.
- Viktor Grutsenko

From gossip you can learn a lot about gossip.
- Leszek Kumor

If you want to know a person, do not listen to what others say about him, rather listen to what he says about others.
- Woody Allen

Whoever gossips with you gossips about you.
- Spanish Wisdom

Why judge other people? Think about yourself more. Each sheep will be hung by its own tail. What do you care about other ponytails?
- Matrona of Moscow

Gossip is the worst habit and a great evil.

How many rumors strike our ears, how much gossip corrodes like a moth!
- Vladimir Vysotsky

Before judging a person, talk to him personally, try to understand his actions, delve into his problems ... and do not listen to all sorts of gossip about him ... It may be beneficial for someone to denigrate a person in the eyes of other people who believe only rumors and gossip.
- Angelica Kugeiko

"Never judge a man until you've gone a long way in his shoes"
- Lao Tzu

The more popular a person becomes, the more sophisticated gossip about him becomes.
— Katherine Price

At the heart of every gossip lies a well-tested immorality.
- Oscar Wilde

Whoever spreads rumors has abandoned virtue.
- Confucius

Judgment of another is always wrong, because no one can ever know what happened and is happening in the soul of the one whom you condemn ...
- Lev Tolstoy

Do not listen to those who speak badly of others and well of you.
- Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

Of all the efforts, the most difficult is the abstinence of the tongue. It is also the most necessary.
- Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

A person stops judging others as soon as he conquers himself.
- Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

A delusion does not cease to be a delusion because the majority shares it. - Leo Nikolayevich Tolstoy According to the church - Gossips subject themselves to 2 sins at once: "Condemnation" and "Violent talk". Gossips quarrel.. spoil relationships by deceiving or passing on false information ... "The gossip will not enter Paradise"

A huge number of terrible, false, vile things have been said about me. I can only say one thing... The best revenge is success.
- Kate Moss

Each person has their own priorities and tasks in life. Don't judge people for not meeting your expectations, focus on your development. Do not do what your conscience condemns, and do not say what is not in accordance with the truth. Keep this most important thing, and you will complete the whole task of your life.
- Marcus Aurelius

Only those who are worse than us think badly about us, and those who are better than us ... they simply do not care about us!
- Omar Khayyam

When a person hurts us, then most likely he himself is deeply unhappy. Happy people don’t be rude in lines, don’t swear on public transport, don’t gossip about colleagues. Happy people in another reality. It is of no use to them.

Today, instead of looking for the bad in people, I suggest that you see only the best in them.
- Robin Sharma

If people spit in your back, then you are ahead!
- Confucius

The conspiracies concocted by petty minds against a man who has come into the world with glory only testify to the genius of this man.
- Jonathan Swift

In my life, it happened that I was offended, as it seems to me, in vain, undeservedly. And I have such a will that if a person offended me, I will exclude him from my life, I can greet him and talk to him, but he no longer exists for me as a person ...
- Evgeny Leonov

If gossip bothers, there is no need to be upset. Know - worms choose only the best fruits!

I never listen to anyone who criticizes my space travel, my rides, or my gorillas. When this happens, I just pack my dinosaurs and leave the room.
- Ray Bradbury

An invaluable help to reduce sins is a conscious flight from gossip. As soon as you stop delving into matters that do not personally concern you, as soon as you stop idle curiosity, the fire of condemnation will lose most of its firewood and begin to go out.
- Archpriest Andrey Tkachev

Dedicate your life to beauty. Don't dedicate it to the disgusting. You don't have much time, not much energy to waste. Such a small life, such a small source of energy, is just stupid to waste on anger, sadness, hatred, jealousy.

Talk less about your plans, silently achieve your goals - and envious people will not get you on your pedestal.

It seems that women's favorite pastime is to gossip, to shake bones with their common acquaintances. Everything that you wrote to your friend about and then deleted these messages so that, God forbid, they do not leak anywhere, becomes known at a meeting in a cafe over a glass of wine - where you are not. And then your mutual girlfriends sympathetically say: “I didn’t know that you couldn’t get pregnant / that you wanted to leave your unloved husband / that you were going to emigrate to Europe.” And you gasp for air, not knowing what to do better - turn around and leave or spit in the face of a sympathizer, or rather that friend who spilled your secrets. Familiar situation?

So, no matter how trite it may sound, understand once and for all: you don’t need to tell anyone about really important things. Mom, husband, boyfriend - everything. Enough. No wonder they say: "What two people know, the pig knows." And if those closest to you will not betray you to anyone, then you can’t rely on girlfriends.

This time. Secondly, do not abuse social networks. Even if you write a cryptic post with a happy selfie on Instagram, those who know you well may understand what you mean. If you don't want your engagement, pregnancy, or cherished Blue Card to Europe to become public, dixi. Shut up, that is. And if gossip still goes around, just live by the principle: “If they talk about me behind my back, then I am always one step ahead.”

Our language is indeed our enemy. After all, the less other people know about us, the more we are protected at the energy (or karmic, call it what you want) level. It is foolish to deny that each person has his own energy, his own information field, in which human envy, hatred or banal gossip can make a breach. Do you need it?

On the other hand, having protected your information field, do not become like stupid friends and do not gossip yourself. Think about it, what difference does it make to you how others live? What does it matter what your friend Masha flies to luxury resorts every two months? Who cares who your office secretary sleeps with? Are you worried that at the last meeting of classmates the girls drank wine and washed all the bones of Olya, who did not come to the restaurant because she married a Muslim, and he, you see, did not let her go?

And one more thing - when you unwittingly find yourself in the epicenter of gossip about someone, do not retell them to this person. It can become painful and unpleasant for him, and it is you who will become the cause of this trouble in his eyes, and not the person who says something bad about you behind your back.

This situation is well illustrated by a parable:

One day a man came to Socrates and said:

Do you know what your friend says about you?

Socrates answered him:

“Before you tell me this news, sift it through three sieves. The first is the sieve of truth. Are you sure what you're about to tell me is true?

Well, I've heard it from others.

See, you're not sure. The second sieve is the sieve of goodness. Will this news please me, will it please me?

- Not at all.

- And, finally, the third sieve - a sieve of benefit. Will this news be helpful?

- I doubt.

- You see - you want to tell me news that does not contain truth and goodness, and besides, it is useless. Why say it then?

That's it. Focus on yourself and your desires and goals, share them less with other people, and then you can fly so high that gossip about your person will no longer reach your pedestal. After all, worms choose only the best fruits.

Answer: As I understand it, you study at school, and school is a priori a hotbed of gossip. Even if you do not know if they are talking about you, be sure that they are talking about you. It’s good if this is a harmless discussion of the style of a skirt, but there are gossip and worse ... If you have become the object of ridicule, let's figure out what is the reason and how to stop it.

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If you are not like everyone else - this can be a reason for ridicule, but this does not mean at all that you immediately need to merge with the gray mass - only extraordinary people succeed. Remain yourself, but do not pay attention to ridicule - you will grow up and show everyone else. Another reason for gossip may be your behavior. Reputation is very important, and you should behave decently in any situation. If you walk around in short skirts and make up much brighter than Vivienne from Pretty Woman, then gossip is a consequence of your indiscretion. Although, how to look and what to wear is your own business. But still, watch your behavior and no longer give gossip a reason, but now act like this:

Don't make scandals in public

You don’t need to attack the offender, throw a tantrum and foam at the mouth, breaking into a squeal, screaming that he (a) is so-and-so, it’s all not true, and you are an angel with a halo on your head. So you will take the position of a victim, but you will not receive the expected pity and support. People will decide that since you react like that, then the gossip is not unfounded, and you are just furious that you were brought to clean water.

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calmly talk

Yes, it sounds like a paradox, but you will have to talk to the person who spreads rumors about you, and now this should be done in front of everyone. I repeat - to talk, calmly, judiciously, without emotions. If you are 100% sure who the source of the rumors is, go for it. If not, first make sure not to look stupid, and only then come up and calmly ask why he (a) is doing this, and then also calmly report that this is not true, turn around and leave. Do not put pressure on pity, do not make excuses and do not comment in any way - she reported and left. All.

Ignore gossip

The best way to piss off a gossip is to not respond to his attacks. They expect reactions from you, and the longer and more actively you react, the more they will poison you. Do not give gossips food for discussion, and they will become silent.

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Turn everything into a joke

Personally, I do not welcome this method, but you can try. Like, the one who knows how to laugh at himself owns the world. I would not recommend humor in this regard. Yes, gossipers will also stop laughing at you and telling nonsense, but, as for me, your pride will suffer. If you are hurt and uncomfortable, why should you suddenly laugh? In general, decide for yourself whether this option suits you or not.

But sometimes intrigues are more sophisticated in the workplace of an average modern office than in the nooks and crannies of medieval castles. At least in those days, a person who spread false stories could be challenged to a fair duel.

There are professions in which it is quite easy to cross the fine line between work and actual rumors (or gossip). For example, scientists have studied the tendency to gossip in people of different professions. And it turned out that at risk are specialists who communicate a lot with people: sociologists, teachers, journalists, doctors, psychologists.

It happens that, forgetting about medical confidentiality, the doctor shares with a colleague: “Did you see a woman leaving my office? Such a famous person, but you know what problems she has? Or a journalist publishes information heard from another person without checking it.

Sociologists believe that the majority is most interested in information about the shortcomings and problems of other people (for example, their dependence on alcohol, drugs); conflicts and scandals, and especially "highlights" from personal and intimate life (meetings, weddings, divorces, betrayals). But it is curious that much less gossip about famous people than about a work colleague or former classmate.

Why do people gossip?

Rumors concern more people, and gossip only a few. Rumors are abstract and emotional, while gossip is more personalized, more informative and full of details. Rumors are often unreliable, and gossip carries information that is untrue or true, verified or not, similar to what it might be.

Whatever gossip is, it has a scientifically determined psychological function that satisfies the corresponding needs of society.

For example, important is integration function . The exchange of gossip indicates a certain similarity in the hierarchical values, needs, or characters of the communicating people. A kind of signal: “We are of the same blood - you and me; I am the same as you; I am mine! Teenage girls gossip about a new classmate, and after a while she herself in this group whispers about someone.

Another important function of gossip is creating a sense of security . After all, any dissimilarity causes anxiety and fear in society. So, in a team where it is customary to believe that “everyone changes, but not everyone is caught,” the example of a happy family will cause surprise, indignation, even condemnation, and finally slander.

Nina, 35 years old: “My employees like to gossip over tea and coffee. I rarely joined them, because I thought that there were more important things to do than empty daily chatter. After a while, my colleagues stopped inviting me to “tea parties” and even to more important events. When I appeared, they fell silent in mid-sentence, and over time I accidentally heard that they had already begun to gossip about me, and quite cruelly.

Gossip also carries information and cognitive function . It looks like a special supplement to official information. What a person tells about himself (in a friendly circle or in an interview with a popular magazine) is one thing, but gossip speaks of something hidden, so to speak, the other side of the coin. Sometimes gossip, passing from mouth to mouth, gets on the pages of tabloid publications, acquiring, allegedly, a more reliable form.

Entertainment and play function . Unlike rumors, which are transmitted with a serious look, gossip has a share of jokes, irony, games. As you can see, our contemporary simply needs to satisfy his emotional hunger with the help of subjective information with unusual and playful "highlights", which "they don't talk about on TV."

tactical function . Gossip is often used for a specific tactical purpose. Every morning, before the planning meeting, the manager of the department in a friendly way “shared” with her management the news about her junior colleague: “And she doesn’t do her job, and she’s lazy, and does God knows what after school hours ...”

Of course, after such a verbal attack, the management was no longer so friendly to the subordinate. "Nushnichestvo" brought very real benefits. After all, once the gossip girl herself fell under the hot hand of her superiors and was criticized for incompetence, and in order to divert attention from herself, she has since regularly and purposefully “poured negativity” onto another person.

So this woman "neutralized" a younger and more talented colleague. As a rule, with the help of gossip, humiliating another person, the gossiper tries to increase his authority and sense of his own advantage.

People prone to gossip are people with a lot of personal problems and complexes, who, instead of working on themselves and getting rid of their own shortcomings, look for them in others.

Gossip can be used not only against a specific person, it is a powerful weapon in the struggle of different groups, for example, political .

For example, almost annual rumors about swine flu, "Spanish flu" and pneumonic plague, which sow incredible panic among Ukrainians, are also obviously needed by someone, because they are spreading at an incredible speed and in almost all directions (among people, through the media etc.).

Projection-compensatory function . Any gossip is based on fictitious information, and characterizes the person who spreads it much more than the person they are talking about. Psychoanalysts believe that the object of gossip is projected as the characteristics of the gossipers - their sympathies, antipathies, and feelings repressed from their consciousness. Sometimes with the help of gossip a person realizes his unfulfilled desires.

The man in a friendly way complained to his old acquaintance about some problems with his young wife. She listened to him, nodded her head sympathetically, gave advice on family life. And soon absolutely strangers knew all this with juicy details.

The “friend’s” own family life could not be called particularly happy, so she listened with interest to her colleague, subconsciously rejoicing: “Yeah, not everything is as good with them as it seems at first glance. People have worse problems than me."

Trying to divert attention from her unsuccessful and insipid life, she told others about the problems of a strange family, adding new nuances from herself that her imagination suggested. Because, as you know, "an intelligent woman does not repeat gossip, she invents them herself."

Function of social control . Gossip is a component of public opinion. It can be a kind of control by ordinary people of the life and behavior of the elite. Some politicians and famous people behave in such a way that "no one thinks anything bad."

But, as the writer Jonathan Swift noted, "conspiracies made by small minds against a man who came into the world with glory only testify to the genius of this man."

If a person spends so much energy and time talking about other people, perhaps his own life is completely uninteresting. "Living" in conversations the life of other people, the gossiper no longer has time to live his own.

Gossip is born where gray everyday life, dissatisfaction with one's own life, often fear, often self-interest, envy, sometimes even vindictiveness dominate..

And gossip is not as innocent as it seems at first glance. Neurotic disorders, heart attacks, strokes, divorces and even suicides - such consequences can cause evil tongues.

Imagine, almost half of lovers or married couples break up for this reason. An interesting fact: contrary to the generally accepted opinion, the more dangerous gossips are not women, but men. William Shakespeare brilliantly described in Othello the tactics of the evil gossip Iago. Even schoolchildren know how tragic the ending of this story is.

Of course, no one wants to become a defenseless target for gossip. But, unfortunately, no one is immune from this. Even if you are not a popular movie star or a well-known politician, all sorts of gossip may appear about you. How to react or counteract them? Here are some simple tips.

Try to be less likely to be in the company of people who like to gossip. Change the topic of conversation, try to suggest an alternative one. After all, it has been very rightly observed: who gossips with you, gossips about you.

Don't talk about other people behind their backs. And if you do, try to see the positive and bright sides in them.

Mature, self-sufficient, altruistic, non-envious and wise individuals do not gossip.

Remember that silence at all times and among all peoples was considered gold.

Do not share information that is important to you with strangers. No one knows to whom your “friend” from a social network or a new acquaintance at a casual party will tell your story. If it boils, tell a trusted friend about it or contact a qualified psychotherapist.

If gossip is spread about you, try to take it philosophically, even with humor. For example, like the famous American writer Mark Twain, when he was informed of his death: "The rumors about my death are greatly exaggerated."

Do not try to justify yourself and grab the gossip by the collar. Gossip is a kind of play that requires at least two to play. If you start beating your chest with your fist and screaming that “it’s all not true!”, then, most likely, others will think that you are not so worried for nothing.

Your too emotional reaction may, on the contrary, stir up curiosity for false information. Composer Nikita Bogoslovsky joked about this: “Do not believe the rumors until they are officially refuted.” It is interesting that gossip is the least about those who sincerely communicate with others and often ironically about their own person. Such people, being one step ahead of potential gossips, themselves voice a funny story about themselves.

However, one smart and educated woman told me: when a person is young, handsome, happy and successful, there will always be gossip behind his back.

How to respond to gossip

1. Don't panic and try not to make things worse. Don't forget that the gossiper expects to manipulate you. If you show a violent emotional reaction, then the goal has been achieved. Remember, all people crave spectacle, and if you let them know that there will be no performance, they will quickly lose interest in your person. Staying silent and not responding to gossip is the best way to stop it from spreading further.

2. If you are the kind of person who cannot remain silent, then it is better to talk to a gossip in front of witnesses. When talking, behave calmly and confidently, and if you can, be cheerful. The main thing is not to make excuses, but try to ask more questions. For example, "I'm very interested, tell me more about what exactly you had in mind." Such a conversation convinces the interlocutor that his trick failed, and he understands that he will not succeed in manipulating you.

3. Rumors will reappear if you do not find out the reasons for their occurrence. To prevent the appearance of gossip and rumors, do not tell others stories from your life. As you know, what two people know, everyone knows. When there is a need to tell the details of your personal life, sometimes it is better to keep a diary or talk to a psychologist.

Protection by all rules

It is impossible to ensure that they do not gossip about you - it simply does not depend on you. It happens that a person, trying to stop gossip, stops telling anything about his life. And as a result, the conversations continue, only now they are based not on real events, but on ridiculous inventions, the creativity of which a science fiction writer would envy.

Don't make excuses telling everyone that what they said is not true. Practice shows: the more a person concentrates on gossip about himself, the more vulnerability he shows, the more negative things are said about him behind his back. Therefore, the best thing to do is to pay less attention to chatter.

Have pity on the gossip. A person can have many reasons for talking nasty things about you. This is the desire to avenge something, and envy, and low self-esteem - in this case, speaking nasty things about you, he is trying to elevate himself - and simply a lack of bright events in life. Be that as it may, all this indicates inferiority, that a person is unhappy. It is worthy of regret, not anger or resentment.

Work with self-esteem. It is not necessary to make it overpriced, the main thing is that it be more stable. Working with a psychologist will help to understand and evaluate yourself. If it is not possible to go to him, contact your relatives, relatives, friends. To those whose opinion is important to you and who treats you favorably. Ask them to talk about your strengths and weaknesses. Just make a promise to yourself not to be offended by anything - you are trying to understand yourself.

Use your imagination. This is a simple yet incredibly effective technique. Mentally build a mirror wall around yourself and wish that everything that the spiteful critics say about you is reflected and returned to them. Works. Checked.

When is it good to gossip?

“Of course, gossip is bad, but we found evidence that it plays an important role in policing,” says social psychologist Robb Wheeler, co-author of a study published in January in the journal Personality and Social Psychology.

Study finds gossip can be therapeutic. The heart rate of volunteers who took part in the experiment increased when they saw someone behaving badly, but they felt very good when they were able to convey information by "warning" others.

The subtext of any gossip is the version that “we are better than they are!” It inspires, gives a sense of superiority - albeit an illusory one. Gossip entertains, unites, provides mutual support, and even lifts us out of depression. However, everything is good in moderation, because in the end gossipers risk being left alone .

As for feeling superior, the only person you can and should compare yourself to is yourself - a week, a month, a year ago. If you have improved at least in some way during this time - our congratulations. And comparing yourself with others is an empty and thankless task. Let the examples of others inspire and inspire you, not make you want to gossip.

And remember: if someone whispers behind your back, it means that you are in front!