Training ""Tough negotiations": how to translate stressful negotiations into standard situations. Negotiations in a situation of conflict

Over the years of my career, I have held hundreds of meetings, many of which can be classified as stressful, and I have learned several principles for successful negotiations. I use them to save face, the reputation of the company and the trust of the client.

Prepare the scene. The outcome of any meeting can be predicted in advance if two conditions are met: you understand the context in which the interlocutor will make a decision, and you have determined your internal boundaries of the conversation. Power in knowledge. Knowledge gives confidence and allows you to withstand the onslaught of any opponent with dignity.

Before difficult negotiations, I draw a simple table in my notebook. Four columns and two rows. In columns: personal success of the negotiator(which is important to him personally), company success(under what conditions the business wins or does not worsen), best and worst case scenario completion of negotiations. In the lines: client position, my position. Filling in such a table allows you to develop the right strategy.

For example, at one of the meetings I witnessed severe manipulation. The other side insisted that they were entitled to more favorable working conditions than usual. We understood that a change in the terms of the contract would be a success for the client. However, we could change the counterparty in case of his tough position, and then such manipulation would have turned into a failure. The situation was saved by the steadfastness of my partner. With a firm voice and a calm face, he said: even if everything goes wrong, we will not agree to these conditions. Before the meeting, we collected enough information and understood that this was a kind of strength test. We passed this test.

Understand who is in front of you. At the beginning of the meeting, I always pay attention to the interlocutor. You can make contact with a small conversation on abstract topics - they are often called small talks. I like to learn about the news that happened in the life and work of my clients. Sometimes you can talk about hobbies or the latest events in the world.

Depending on the person in front of me, I choose the manner and intonation of communication. For example, at meetings with an extrovert, I listen more. With an introvert, I convey information so that the client can make a decision based on it. It is also important what information a person tends to perceive better: general concepts or clear numbers and tables. To better understand my clients, I use the MBTI typology. Before difficult negotiations, I analyze the interlocutor and choose the appropriate style of communication with him.

Knowing the psychological subtleties and understanding the basic motives of the interlocutor's behavior even in stressful situations helps to maintain a calm atmosphere. Once we presented the results of an audit. During the meeting, it turned out that a mistake was made in the initially provided data. This led to incorrect calculations on the part of our consultants. The client employee responsible for providing us with the information was threatened with a serious reprimand and possibly dismissal, so his first reaction was to try to hide the fact of the mistake. But during the time of cooperation, I already understood: in fact, this person is not afraid of losing his place, because with his experience he will quickly find a new job. The basic motive of his behavior is the fear of damaging his reputation. I offered to consider the situation from this point of view and gave arguments why hiding the mistake would hurt more, and honesty would strengthen his authority in the eyes of management. As a result, we quickly resolved the issue, the transaction took place, and the employee escaped punishment.

Deliver bad news early on. During the time spent in meetings, I came to the conclusion that we almost always overestimate how difficult it will be for the other person to listen to what we want to tell him. But the truth is that people are quite resilient.

I used to delay with bad news to the last and after the meeting I felt emotionally squeezed out. But one incident radically changed my approach. The client calmly accepted the news that his company will undergo a total restructuring in the next 6-12 months. It turned out that he himself was not enthusiastic about the current state of affairs and was waiting for external support in order to make global changes. The evening before, in the morning on the way to the meeting, and another 40 minutes during the meeting, I was stressed, because I was sure that the client would be furious at my words. But instead, he taught me a good lesson. Now I gather my courage and start the conversation with the most difficult part of it. The main thing is to be objective: do not exaggerate and do not try to make life easier. Objectivity in a difficult situation turns a problem into a task.

You can always take a break. Raising the voice, manipulation, playing on nerves and emotions is one of the meeting scenarios. I have come across this, so I take it easy, but for beginners, such behavior of the interlocutor unsettles. My employees know that in case of aggression on the part of the interlocutor, they can always take a break, leave the negotiation room and call me. 10-15 minutes of respite calm the nerves.

I first noticed this technique in one of my meetings with a client. One of the three participants in the negotiations began to "boil". At that moment, his colleague tactfully offered to take a break and drink coffee. When, a few minutes later, we sat down at the table again, the atmosphere clearly cleared up and we calmly concluded the discussion.

Engage a third party. When Apple and Samsung once again fought over patents in 2012, an independent mediator helped find a solution that satisfies both sides. You, too, can resolve a conflict situation in a similar way. Engage a third party if you feel the negotiations are deadlocked. But it is important to get it done before one of the parties decides that they have invested too much time and energy.

You can learn stressful negotiation skills and train employees like fighting dogs. But my practice proves that the development of soft skills brings more results. Learn to feel the interlocutor, conduct a conversation, ask the right questions. Adjust the atmosphere so that you and your interlocutor are on the same side of the barricades. Create a sense of belonging to a common victory.

Negotiations with pleasure. Sadomasochism in business and personal life Alexander Kichaev

Negotiation stress is relative...

Few people manage to turn stress into their resource in negotiations. After all, it is difficult to calmly perceive a partner who provokes you, trying to suppress, humiliate, insult. With your mind, you understand that it would be necessary to put transparent armor - he, like an annoying fly, beats against strong, invisible glass, buzzes and unsuccessfully tries to penetrate your space. And you just smile back. But for some reason, fists are clenched, breathing quickens, I want to say something sharp and unpleasant to this impudent mug ... And here your negotiating potential begins to sharply decrease. Your thoughts are distracted from the subject of discussion, and then your rudeness by the opposite side can be used as an argument about incompetence, weakness of position, bad manners: “Should we deal with this!”

Is it because many of us are so bad at tolerating stress that we perceive it as an inevitable and endless evil that cannot be fought?

As for the inevitability and infinity of evil, such a statement is debatable. You can get away from a lot of stress by bypassing stressful situations or by creating that very stress resistance shell and doing many of the things that we have already talked about in this book. And as for infinity, stresses, like everything in this life, have their own cycle, consisting of beginning, development and extinction. The main thing is not to support the negative process by throwing logs of uncertainty, hopelessness, apathy and your own worthlessness into it. After all, this is how we prolong the “life” of our stress.

But no matter how much the rope twists ... No, it’s not like that - the longer the stress, the closer the depression. No, no, we don't need horror stories! Let's reprogram in a constructive-optimistic way. So, everything, including stress, is a relative and transient phenomenon. Therefore, there is no stress that would not end sooner or later.

Well, it would be better if it were earlier...

Let's begin to form an anti-stress installation.

One day a visitor came to the rabbi and began to complain:

- Rebbe, everything is so bad, so bad! I lost my job, my wife is ill, my daughter can't get married, my son doesn't want to study... Rebbe, tell me, maybe you know what to do?

“Yes, yes, there is one ancient remedy,” the rabbi replied. - You need to take a lot of papers, write on them: “And this will all pass”, and spread them out in all the rooms.

The puzzled man thanked and left.

A couple of years later, the same person returns and thanks:

- Rebbe, how grateful I am to you, how grateful, there are simply no words! I found a great job, my wife recovered, my daughter got married, my son finished his studies and got a job at the company ... Everything is just fine! Thank you very much! Yes, I just wanted to ask - those pieces of paper that I laid out in the apartment, can they be removed already?

Why clean up? the rabbi was surprised. - Let them lie down for a while ...

From the book Man and Woman: The Art of Love author Enikeeva Dilya

From the book Laws of Eminent People the author Kalugin Roman

In negotiations, timeliness is everything. You must calculate the favorable time for negotiations. In almost every situation, there is a better time to buy and sell services. And if your timing is right, you'll get the best deal. The more urgent your

From the book Horrors in the West author Delumeau Jean

From the book Tame a bad temper! Self Help for Explosives author Vlasova Nelly Makarovna

Not all stress is stress. And misfortune can be a blessing Don't make a cult of injuries! Returning to them in your thoughts and cursing is the path to neurosis and self-torture. Even catastrophes can be turned into interesting events. When you hang by a thread, rejoice completely

From the book Tough Negotiations: You Can't Win You Can't Lose author Kozlov Vladimir

2.5 Rules for taking over control in negotiations There are only three strategies for taking over control in negotiations. If we take the Eastern terminology, they are called:? "hit forward"; "strike into the void";? "strike from the void." Strategem 1. "Strike towards"

From the book Deadly Emotions author Colbert Don

From the book How to Influence People in Life and Business author Kozlov Dmitry Alexandrovich

4.2. Winning Negotiations Why is it important to develop negotiation skills? Essentially, negotiation is the culmination of many actions that you or other employees have taken in the past. Marketing support and customer search, getting in touch with him, meeting with

From the book How to Overcome NO: Negotiating in Difficult Situations by Uri William

Negotiate to Negotiate When it's not enough to simply raise the issue of the other side's behavior, full-fledged negotiation about the rules of the game may be required.

From the book Faith and Love author Amonashvili Shalva Alexandrovich

Call and appearance I am the Spirit of the unborn. Who is calling me? Choose the best words! Put your best feelings into them! Choose the best musicality for the call! And send all this to me! Your voice from the Earth will begin to educate me in Heaven and attract me to you. Well how? Call, call,

From the book Roots of Love. Family constellations - from dependence to freedom. Practical guide author Liebermeister Swagito

What is this phenomenon? Recall the case of Max from Austria, we met him in the first chapter. When his mother was still a girl, her father died. A child who has lost a parent is filled with pain. The bond with the parent is usually so strong that the child simply cannot

From the book Pledge of the Possibility of Existence author Pokrass Mikhail Lvovich

SIGNIFICANT PHENOMENON 5. What is a significant phenomenon for an individual? DEFINITION. A significant phenomenon is at least once partially or completely satisfying a person’s need or causing, and increasing his dissatisfaction, as well as a signal of such

From the book Tough Negotiations, or just about the difficult author Kotkin Dmitry

Chapter 4 About strategy in business negotiations Mice came to the owl: “Owl, we have no life from a cat. You are a wise bird, advise how to be! The owl thought. “Here are hedgehogs,” he says, “no cat will touch. You mice need to become hedgehogs! The mice thanked her, went home, but with

From the book Creativity within the framework author Goldenberg Jacob

Factor number 5 - the need for negotiations. The more it is, the weaker our positions, the easier it is for the opponent to insist on his own terms. The concept of the need to negotiate is wonderfully described by Kemp in his book First Say No. We will try to give a more complete description and analyze the applied

From the book Negotiation Book of Quick Recipes author Kotkin Dmitry

Sexual manipulation in business negotiations To understand what sexual manipulation is, we need to understand the components of the concept. Manipulation - covert control of others, without indicating their goals and intentions. Sexual manipulation -

From the author's book

False Contradictions in Negotiations Contradictions exist wherever problems have to be solved. As we have already said, the techniques and principles of systematic innovative thinking are applicable not only to products, but also to services, creativity, methods and tools.

From the author's book

Sexual manipulation in grandfather negotiations To understand what sexual manipulation is, we need to understand the components of the concept. Manipulation is the hidden control of others, without indicating one's goals and intentions. Sexual manipulation -

Another meeting is ahead, but the concern does not go away. Perhaps the fault is natural shyness and isolation, or the inability to recover from the stress received after recent negotiations and overcome the fear of communication. Be that as it may, silence in the circle of business partners will not lead to unanimity and results.

Today, business meetings require the preparation of universal documents - this is important when working with foreign companies. The SayUp agency carries out written translations in highly specialized areas. Agency employees have appropriate linguistic training and proven practice in the technical field.

With SayUp translation agency, confidence in the documentation is guaranteed! There are still 6 steps left for a sure victory in the negotiations.

Make friends with the stress response

Trembling in the knees, inside everything turns over. Obsessive thoughts appear, attempts to remember whether the name of the client is correctly indicated on the agenda. It seems that the partner will immediately appreciate professional achievements and intelligence. These are typical negotiating problems.

Instead of suppressing the stress response, Stanford professor Kelly McGonigal suggests they back down and befriend her. Anxiety is a confirmation of the readiness to negotiate and the desire to lay out maximum efforts.

Take Negotiations Easier

In order to avoid awkward questions and conversations, you will want to arrive just before the start of the meeting. But the feeling of lack of time and rush will only increase anxiety.

It's best to arrive early - make sure you arrange the meeting. For example, before starting a teleconference, check the work of the web administrator and the health of the equipment. Try to strike up a conversation with two colleagues at the same time - this will bring social satisfaction to each party and help to loosen up. A casual conversation will develop into a business meeting.

Take advantage of the first 15-20 minutes of the meeting

The negotiation plan is built, but is it difficult to adapt to the course of the meeting? Take advantage of the first 15-20 minutes of the meeting - greet participants, ask a guiding question, present arguments and business development proposals.

Only strengths

You may not be loud. Support the opinion of a colleague with a simple comment: “Great idea! I'm sure it will work!" Observant introverts are better off focusing on questions. Providing the manager with information about key points after the end of the negotiations will strengthen the contribution to the common cause.

Take the following steps first

If during the negotiations it became clear that some issues require further research, take responsibility for the solution! This will demonstrate your interest and initiative and will serve as a motivation for action.

Challenge your beliefs

It is difficult to go against established opinions and scenarios of behavior. Fear of expressing an idea is a signal of its importance. Thank your inner critic! Seize the moment. Don't play small.

There are suggestions - it's time to post them.

Training ""Tough negotiations": how to turn stressful negotiations into standard situations"

Sales organization / Personal selling and negotiation, open

About the program:

Trainer consultant Barysheva Asya Vladimirovna

This program is designed for those who often have to deal with partners who:

They ask you to state the essence of the matter in three minutes;
They often interrupt and impose their position;
They do not want to change their point of view no matter what;
Are in an objectively stronger market position;
Use threats, ironic remarks, ambiguous phrases;
Hard bargaining on price;
and use a lot of other manipulations
What is a tough negotiation. What are the factors to consider in order to prepare for a tough negotiation.

General patterns of manipulation. The main directions of manipulation that increase the vulnerability of people in negotiations.

Why you need to take care of your own self-esteem, and how high self-esteem simplifies difficult negotiations.

Ways to disguise true intentions in negotiations. Techniques for bringing a partner “to clean water”.

What to do if you have to negotiate, taking an objectively weaker position. The use of market situation analysis, comparison of competitors' offers, information about the client to strengthen one's own position.

What to do when a partner uses offensive and onslaught tactics. Techniques for slowing down the pace of negotiations, softening the atmosphere, seizing the initiative.

Techniques for effectively responding to partner criticism. 3 types of criticisms. Confident behavior.

Non-Verbal Manipulation Techniques: 17 Ways to Make Negotiations Unbearable. Managing distance, intonation, facial expressions, posture and gestures in negotiations.

What to do if the partner plays the role of "insane", "stupid" and "intractable". How to increase the persuasiveness of your own speech. How to choose the most persuasive arguments. keyword technique. Identification of the true needs of the interlocutor.

What to do when group pressure is organized in negotiations. Distribution of roles in negotiations. Good and bad cop game.

Dragging out negotiations. The game "my hut is on the edge", "as soon as, so immediately", "I would love to, but ..."

Search for internal resources for confrontation in difficult situations. Techniques of emotional mood, response, transformation and change of significance. How to enjoy your own mistakes and use them to your advantage.

Duration: 2 days | 16 hours

Event dates:(not specified)

Price: 9900 rub. (per person)

Acquired Skill: Negotiation

Few people remember that Tough Negotiations begin before we sat down to negotiate. And the point here is not in the preparation of “argumentation / counterargumentation” and not in setting goals and working out solutions. Everything is much more complicated or much simpler - it all depends on what

Cause of stress always, for everyone, in all situations one - over concentration: on the result, on the “rival”, on oneself, on the idea of oneself or of a negotiating partner.

In fact, none of these factors has a detrimental effect on us. They do not lead to the breakdown of negotiations. Disrupt negotiations - loss of flexibility, loss of "Field for Maneuver" during the negotiations.

"Field of Maneuver" is reduced even before the start of negotiations!

Remember your exams, whether at school, at the university, when you were absolutely ready, but everything went out of your head during the exam. And the teachers further strengthened our over-concentration with their deliberate slowness, mock severity. And if you have been in a car accident, then you probably remember “tunnel vision”, against which you didn’t even have a thought - how to deal with it ?! This stress is so strong and unexpected.

Let's transfer this effect to negotiations.

Imagine that 2 negotiators are under stress - focused only on

Victory (if excitation predominates in the nervous system) or Defense (inhibition predominates). What will happen is shown in the table.

That is, if emotions "overwhelm", we begin to act irrationally, implementing destructive patterns of behavior.

But the main problem lies in the fact that we do not come into negotiations "from scratch". Life “writes down on us” its norms and rules.

Let's define the main negative emotional factors that are acquired before negotiations and determine the course of negotiations (destructive or constructive). And let's see how they can be compensated.

Some factors that support and shape a destructive negotiating style	How can we compensate them?
A. The uncertainty of our economic and social situation in general (dependence on the non-transparent behavior of the authorities)	1. Have savings (“spread into several baskets”) 2. Fix your competencies (records in the labor, certification results, diplomas, thanks, etc.)
B. Daily violation of the rules by members of the society around us (from household - expired products in stores and traffic violations, to media - reports of corruption and accidents)	1. Replace increased anxiety with arranging a comfortable life (be attentive to what is happening around and take from life what is useful for you. Avoid the unprofitable) 2. Refuse to perceive negative information (say to such people and the media, “no, thank you, I’m somehow without you”)
C. Lack of "rules of the game" in the workplace (constantly rewritten, accepted without our participation)	1. Negotiate (this is what you need to negotiate) 2. Ask for preferences for changes (changes are also stressful, if you don’t start these changes, even more so!)
D. Authoritarian management style in companies and departments prevails	1. Negotiate (until you build the rules of communication with you that would be convenient for you, no one will do this for you)
E. Lack of knowledge and skills in the workplace.	1. Get it yourself (after all, no one will replace your work on yourself) 2. Ask colleagues (they will be pleased, and you will be faster. Do not forget to encourage them for tips)

The noted easily depends on you and is solved by communication technologies.
And, of course, I really hope that you will add both the list of factors and the list of compensations without much effort.

In the practice of conducting trainings, consultations I I often come across the fact that one solution is offered for several factors (as a rule, this is a recommendation to treat everything that happens in life with a positive attitude).

I would on 100% subscribed to the content. Because Life, as I think, these are not only positive events, but, unfortunately, negative ones as well. But, just by living both sides, we - over time - call our life complete, successful, not lived in vain.

Violation of the "positive attitude" is not in the content, but in the methodology. That is, the intentions are good, and the result will be only at the first stage. Since the actions of negative events, even those listed in the list, are diverse, separately and in different forms, the brain encodes them as a separate reality. And we create “realities” for ourselves from the number of elements and confirmed experience. Therefore, a generalized "positive attitude" will not work. And therefore, religious practices that require strict observance of rites and rituals work.

It seems to me important to make such a remark in this article.

Now we can generalize a bit.

"Tough negotiations" cannot be won by any one element. Only a set of elements.

1. Preparing emotional conditions (that's what this article is about)

2. "Sports" attitude to life

3. Competent preparation

4. Sum of Negotiation Skills

5. A high level of motivation for self-development and victory over oneself

And of course, I exactly I know, yes - there are more of these elements!

Good luck in negotiations!

Yours Sergey Logachev

P.S. In preparing this article, I found a lot of new and useful literature. I hope that this index, as well as our search engine, will be of interest to you!

To immediately motivate yourself to study the topic "Tough Negotiations" - start with the main thing, with this cool article.

Well laid out practical advice to help any negotiator. Simplicity and versatility!

Rarely, so simply, without missing anything important, talked about the psychology of influence in this short article. Reading will be enough to deal with this word.

Leonid Krol is a well-known specialist in NLP. Anyone who is familiar with or interested in this direction in practical psychology is welcome.

1.Sergey Logachev

Our rating: 5

“In this book, Russia's leading negotiation expert provides the most important tips for preparing and conducting effective negotiations. In it, the reader will find 101 useful tips on the most important rules of negotiation, including negotiating tactics, preparing the content of negotiations, business communication, argumentation and counterargumentation, how to overcome conflicts in negotiations, as well as how to end negotiations and to summarize".

Editorial staff of Alpina-Publishers

2.Gavin Kennedy