Hello dear readers! Psychological pressure is used when it is necessary to influence both the opinion of another person and his decisions and actions. You may not always notice that they are trying to "pressure" you. The methods of influence are very ingenious, which, unfortunately, can change the course of the life of the person in relation to whom they are applied. And today we will look at its main types, as well as the ways in which we can protect ourselves.

Types and forms

There are a lot of them, but we will consider the most basic and most common ones.

Compulsion

Usually used in relation to a person who is weaker in some area that is obvious to everyone. For example, the boss has more power than his employee, which is why he requires the implementation of actions that you don’t want to do at all, but he doesn’t have the right to oppose this process, as it were.

It differs from ordinary manipulations in that the information comes directly, it is not veiled and not covered by some distracting nuances.

humiliation

An attempt not so much to force something to be done as to inflict pain, as if morally “crushing” the interlocutor. In this regard, the most unpleasant insults are selected, mainly related to appearance or character, since it is these areas that are directly related to the personality that hurt and reduce self-esteem.

Hearing unpleasant epithets in his address, a person loses self-control, confidence and the ability to think critically. Why, wanting to restore his significance, he agrees to immediately subsequent proposals to correct the situation and still perform some part of the work that he would not have agreed to before.

Avoidance

Complex view with elements of emotional violence. For example, you, having felt the manifestation of manipulation, are trying to clarify this point, and the interlocutor moves on to other topics, ignoring what you are saying, sometimes even indignant that you are pestering him and even slandering him.

Then, as they say, “cognitive dissonance” arises, that is, a feeling of contradiction, everything seems to be fine, at least according to the partner, but inside there is a lot of anxiety or confusion.

Suggestion

Pressure on a person, after which he becomes able to perceive absolutely any material presented by the aggressor, even if it is ridiculous and contradictory. But it is owned only by skilled craftsmen who were able to "grind" into the trust of their victim, earning her respect and recognition.

Sometimes hypnosis is used for suggestion, but there are people who are resistant to it, therefore, they are the only ones who are able to avoid the negative consequences of this method of coercion.

Belief

An attempt to influence another with the help of logic, the sequence of presentation of information and the use of facts. The number of arguments is confusing, which is why the “victim” ceases to criticize what was said, taking an imposed position.

Rhetorical questions

It makes no sense to answer them, and silence will serve as proof of your wrongness and agreement with the above.

Gratitude

Which is required. At first, they may unobtrusively hint that it’s time to “pay back”, if you don’t understand or refuse to do something, they can connect threats, for example, exposure of something and so on.

trigger words

They affect the emotional sphere of a person, they are usually used in advertising to increase sales. Triggers reflect the qualities that you want to possess. For example, "By doing this project, you will become a more promising employee." Well, isn't it tempting?

A person, having “pecked” at the trick, will already commit violence against himself, forcing him to do some work that is completely uninteresting, but promises to acquire the desired status.

Attracting influencers

Fairy tales

They can describe future prospects in great detail, if you fulfill the request. Daydreams, dreams...the stake is placed on them, but the probable inconvenience and suffering are ignored. People are willing to go to great lengths to get what they want.

If this method does not help, they can, on the contrary, intimidate, drawing adverse consequences in case of refusal. Which, unfortunately, in a fit of anger from impotence are usually performed if the "victim" refused to respond and obey.

How to cope?

1. Straightness

In the case of pressure, it is very difficult to defend yourself, especially if the one who uses it has a clear advantage. The only way is to tell him directly that he behaves too aggressively, and leaves no choice, why it is almost impossible to do and think something in such conditions.

There is a small percentage of people who are ashamed to admit to abuse of power and, in general, to the fact that he uses his power, therefore, if such a person comes across, you are lucky, he will retreat and in some situations even apologize, if not, try other methods .

2. Work on yourself

Humiliation works effectively only with people who do not have confidence in themselves and their abilities. Why the only way out is to work on yourself, so as not to react and have your own opinion, on which you can rely.

3. Self-esteem

Only good self-esteem will also help avoid avoidance. If you are sure that there is a catch, feel free to clarify, preventing the interlocutor from continuing to use manipulation techniques.

For example, “No, it doesn’t seem to me, let’s still here, and now we’ll discuss this issue”, “Let’s better get back to the topic ..., it confuses me in it ...”, and so on.

4. Questions

The best way to resist pressure if you're confused or don't understand what's going on is to try to buy time with clarification and clarification questions. Yes, and self-control will return to you faster, and the interlocutor will begin to gradually lose the stability of his position.

5. Open conversation

When rhetorical questions are used, a complex type of psychological violence, there is practically no opportunity to "be saved". The only way out is to turn the conversation into an open conversation in order to speak out and show the accumulated emotions, otherwise only capitulation and acceptance of the accusations “shines”.

Here, for example, is what a husband might say in response to his wife's question: "How can you be so insensitive?" or "Do you even realize what you've done?" In any case, he is already guilty, there is no point in denying it. But to say that “in general, yes, I usually understand what I’m doing, and I expected a completely different result from this act” makes sense, then he at least has the opportunity to be heard.

6. An unexpected twist

Try to determine for yourself what kind of advantage your partner relies on in a conversation with you. And declare it to his face: “Do you want to force me to agree with you just because you are higher in status or because I once made a mistake, and now you constantly point it out to me?”

7. Partnership

Offer to cooperate if you are being pressured into doing some unwanted duty.

How often do you think you are faced with a situation where you are being manipulated? Manipulate means they make psychological pressure, for example,. This may be much more common than you think. There are many ways to lead people to the right decisions, and they will be convinced that they themselves made these decisions. It is useful to know these methods, apply them from time to time and not fall for these tricks yourself. Here are some of the most widely available methods of psychological pressure on people.

1. Smile

To win over a person, you need to smile at him. And smile not automatically, only with your mouth, but smile with your eyes as well. Sales agents of network companies specifically in order to increase the level of their sales. The fact is that a sincere smile causes an involuntary smile in response from the opponent, after which it will be quite difficult for him to change his line of behavior.

2. Fork

A person needs to be asked questions that cannot be answered with “no”. For example, “Is it convenient for you to meet me at ten or twelve?” or “what price suits you better: 570 rubles or 230?”.

3. Copy

Entering into a dialogue with a person, after a few minutes of conversation, we begin to copy his facial expressions and gestures. He involuntarily begins to think that you are on his wave, and also begins to copy. As a result, it will be easier to get the solution you need.

4. Consent

Never argue, this will only anger the opponent and strengthen him in his positions. Ideally, you need to listen to the interlocutor, nodding your head and agreeing with him during the conversation, he loses his vigilance, subconsciously perceiving you as a like-minded person, and you unobtrusively offer your solution to the problem.

5. Identification of needs

Here it is important not to be mistaken in what a person really needs. If his need is clear, then you need to present the situation to him in a favorable light: what exactly will he benefit from the proposed solution (the purchased product) in solving his problem.

6. The pioneer factor

A person is afraid to do something first, so if we are talking about buying a product, then you need to convince him (on emotions) that today this product is being torn with his hands and that he may not get it. Here, the herd instinct and the fear of being left deprived work (how is it: everyone took it, but I didn’t have time?). Of course, this paragraph can be modified for other situations. You can’t persuade here, otherwise the factor of fear of loss will not work.

7. Present yourself in a favorable light

This item is best done first if you are meeting a person for the first time or have not seen him for about six months. In life, the saying “They meet by clothes ...” works well, so people in the first thirty seconds evaluate your appearance and style of clothing, then fifteen seconds your demeanor and gestures are evaluated, another fifteen seconds remain on the manner and literacy of speech. The impression that you made on a person in the first minute of communication is the most persistent, and it is very important not to ignore this moment.

9. Emotionality of speech

Your position must be stated enthusiastically. Moreover, women are more inclined to show emotions than men, respectively, in communicating with women it is necessary, with men - on the contrary. The greatest effect is obtained if a man communicates with a woman in the language of facial expressions and gestures, she gets the impression that he is a sensitive and understanding person. And vice versa, if a woman communicates with a man with restraint, then involuntarily he has such an opinion that you can rely on her and you can trust her.

10 Favor

The law of "favors - sense of duty" works among people by default. If you need a person in the future, find a way to be useful to him at least once. Let it be a trifle, but he will still understand that he is in debt.

11. Be close to the person, not in front of him.

If the person with whom, for example, you are having important negotiations, is on the verge of boiling, take a position next to him, and trouble will bypass you. A person will calm down faster in this way, and you will achieve your goal without problems.

12. Ask for help

If you want to get what you want, address the person like this: “I need your help” or “I have no one to help except you.” So the person you are contacting realizes his significance and, I would even say, uniqueness, so he will immediately begin to solve your problem.

13. Address a person by name

Every person is insanely pleased to hear his name. So, if you want to get what you want, start your appeal with the name and patronymic of the person.

14. Use in your monologue the words: “My father once told me…”

For all of us, parents are the most sacred thing on earth; we treat their life instructions with special trepidation. If you want to continue to successfully bend your line, tell a story on the topic "My father always said ..." - and this will become the final trump card in your favor.

15. An angry tirade

This technique is usually used by bosses. They unleash an angry tirade on a subordinate, although in reality this is not at all the emotion that they experience. A subordinate in a state of stress begins to actively do his job, which was to be achieved. True, this technique does not work for weak-spirited employees. Anger can finally break them.

16. Call for Guilt

You can put pressure on a person with the help of comments about his selfishness, the fact that he forgot about you, does not care enough, and the like. The “accused” automatically feels guilty or ashamed and rushes to fill in the gaps.

These are the main points that you need to consider when communicating with other people, which can significantly ease your life and save you from the possibility of falling under someone else's influence.

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Have you ever quarreled with your loved one? Have you ever had to do something after such a quarrel that you later regretted? Do you know the situation when you thought about some idea for a long time, in order to then voice it, for example, to your boss at work, but after a conversation with him, you left the office squeezed like a lemon, and even with the need to lead a completely different project? Have you ever had to make unnecessary promises or make ridiculous commitments while communicating with someone?

If you answered yes to at least one of the proposed questions, then you have experienced from your own experience that this is psychological pressure. Unfortunately, communication with people around us, including even those closest to us, is not always free from manipulation and attempts to influence us. Knowing how to resist psychological pressure is not at all a whim and not pumping your skills, but a real life necessity.

Types of psychological pressure

Before we talk about what are the ways to protect against psychological attacks, it makes sense to briefly recall the most common forms of such attacks. Let's present them in ascending order of negative potential.

Rhetorical questions

One of the most common forms of psychological pressure is asking rhetorical questions. For example, you may be asked: “Well, why are you so worthless?”, “Do you even understand what you are doing?” or "Do you understand what you just did?" etc. Trying to answer such questions does not make much sense, as well as ignoring them, because by doing so you either admit that you are wrong (it is quite likely that this is not the case at all), or show disrespect to the interlocutor.

To fend off such a psychological attack, you can continue the question and give some kind of positive answer, for example: “Yes, I understand what I did, and I did it because ...” Thus, in a number of situations, you can solve the problem, even with the help of a lively , but quite a constructive argument. Despite this, if you do not know how to resist psychological pressure, most likely, you will only aggravate the situation.

Guilt

In any communicative situation, it is important to understand that everyone has their own truth, and the line between truth and lies can be fuzzy. The same events are often perceived differently by different people. And on this "trick" many manipulators build their psychological attacks, putting pressure on the interlocutor. This is a very clever technique, and with people who do not have psychological defense techniques, it works flawlessly.

To counter this technique, it is helpful to start by playing along with the manipulator so that its pressure does not increase. Further, you should not take on any unnecessary obligations or promise something that you are not going to keep. There is also a more radical method - just answer the person with a refusal. Although these methods do not always work. Manipulators know this, and using guilt is one of the most powerful techniques in their arsenal.

Massive attack

This technique is typical for people who put psychological pressure on a person who has all the powers not to do what they want from him. Often found in business and at work. The technique consists in the fact that the addressee of the manipulation begins to be attacked from all sides by various methods by people interested in resolving the situation in their favor.

For example, if a representative of the “weak” side does not want to sign a contract during the negotiations, the “strong” side begins to put pressure on him. This can be expressed in endless calls, constant visits of representatives to the office of the victim of attacks, huge amounts of emails, etc. The bottom line is that a person cannot withstand such psychological pressure and simply gives up under the onslaught of an opponent.

And here are a few more methods of psychological pressure of this kind:

• a massive attack on the client is carried out;
• in organizations, a massive attack is made on managers (for example, to increase salaries) or ordinary employees (for example, to dismiss);
• in the activities of collection agencies, a massive attack on debtors is carried out, etc.

A skillful psychological attack can unsettle even a persistent and strong person, not to mention those who are not ready for such aggression against themselves. There are two best ways to protect yourself from it:

• the victim talks separately with each member of the "campaign" against himself and explains his position;
• the victim enters into negotiations with the main opponent and resolves all issues with him.

The adoption of such measures is quite effective, but still does not give an absolute guarantee of victory over the manipulator.

direct threat

This method of psychological pressure is not distinguished by the need for a special intelligence in the aggressor, but is very effective. When someone openly threatens the interests of a person, especially what is very important and valuable for him, it is extremely difficult for him to refuse. But even here there is one BUT: far from always a threatening person is able to realize his threats. However, the point is not even whether this will happen or not, but in the very impact on the psyche.

Often, direct threats should be considered as an indicator that they want to negotiate with you, and for a manipulator you are a fairly serious opponent. But even here it must be remembered that if a person were capable of some kind of decisive action, he would not threaten, but immediately began to act. So a good way to behave in the presence of a direct threat is to follow the initially chosen plan. (Here we recall that we are talking about communication situations that do not concern such things as a threat to health or life. In these cases, you need to use other methods, including methods).

These are the most common methods of psychological pressure. As you noticed, describing them, we also indicated the simplest ways to deal with them. But not always and not all people can always be calm, control the course of communication and analyze what is happening. Often emotions take over, and then you have to forget about composure. It is precisely at such moments that it is necessary to apply methods of protection against psychological aggression.

Below we will introduce you to several such methods, so after reading the article, your defensive arsenal will be replenished with new types of “weapons”. However, before moving on to these methods, watch a short video.

5 Simple Tricks to Protect Against Psychological Pressure

The described techniques are very simple to use, and anyone can master them. By and large, many of us unconsciously already use them, but the maximum effect can still be obtained if two conditions are met: understand that you are using a specific technique, and understand what you are using it for. At first glance, these are small things, but in reality they are of great importance.

So, here are these five simple tricks:

1. To reduce psychological pressure in the process of communication, place objects between you and the interlocutor. These can be chairs, a table, some interior elements. Even small things, such as putting an ashtray on the table or holding a cup of coffee to your mouth, can reduce your susceptibility to the psychological onslaught of the interlocutor.
2. If you notice that someone is exerting psychological pressure, take it. Crossing your legs, crossing your arms, lowering your head and looking down from under your brows, you protect your vital organs and energy points. Such poses are not just called closed, because they really close a person for the perception of other people's signals.
3. In addition to real barriers between yourself and the interlocutor, you can create mental barriers. Choose what seems to you the most powerful protection: a wall of water, ice or fire, a glass jar or a cloud of gray smoke, a force field or even a spacesuit. Remember how in childhood, when playing, we said: "I'm in the house"? This is also not without reason, because thoughts have the ability to influence our perception.
4. When someone is pushing you at home or at work, divert their attention. To do this, you can choose anything that will not allow the interlocutor to concentrate. Take a glass of water in your hands and start watering the flowers, turn on the water, open a magazine on a page with a girl in a swimsuit ... You can do something that knocks down the interlocutor: if you are a man, cough, or hit your palm with your fist; if you are a woman, effectively cross your legs or bend down beautifully behind an allegedly fallen hairpin, etc. To reduce the strength of the psychological impact of a partner, any distraction is effective. The main thing is that it looks natural, and also does not repeat too often.
5. If you have, defense against psychological attack can be turned into a fun game. To do this, mentally remove the interlocutor from the image in which he currently appears. Introduce an important and pompous interlocutor as a court jester; a scarecrow stuffed with hay; a naked baby doll that jumped out of the bath; clumsy penguin, etc. The most important thing is to choose an absolutely ridiculous image, thanks to which any psychological pressure will be minimized.

Agree that it will not be difficult to become skilled in these techniques? We think that you will cope with this task successfully. But do not rush to close the page and run towards the manipulators. Next, we will reveal a few more useful tricks.

Effective fight against psychological pressure: algorithm of actions

Anyone who has had to face psychological pressure at work, in the company of friends, relatives or not very familiar people, knows that as soon as you relax and get confused, you suddenly begin to behave like an unreasonable child. Someone immediately begins to defend himself, someone hides his head in the sand, and someone succumbs to the influence of the manipulator and does what he is told. What response to such stress will be adequate and optimal?

The very first thing you need to do (and learn how to do) is to calmly perceive the incoming flow of information, stop emotional perception and begin to study the situation. Ideally, this should be done in one step and take a meager amount of time. And things like:

• start breathing deeply and focus on breathing;
• start slowly counting to ten (can be done together with breathing);
• begin to carefully consider the interlocutor (here you need to pay attention to his appearance and behavior in order to find something that characterizes him as a person).

But psychologists advise a more interesting way: start to notice how the state of your partner changes in the process of communication. For example, catch where he is looking and how his eyes run; correlate his facial expressions and gestures with the content of the words. Some people look away when you start watching them closely, others become nervous, start fingering, fiddling with the tip of their jacket or clicking a pen, etc. By such manifestations, one can more or less accurately determine the true intentions and motives of the interlocutor, as well as understand what state he is in.

So: at the moment when you manage to become a "researcher", i.e. start to study the situation, you can begin to find out exactly what kind of influence the psychological aggressor is trying to have on you. And if you make sure that a person is exerting psychological pressure, do not hesitate and start defending yourself competently and professionally using the algorithm presented below.

Step 1 - ask questions

The purpose of asking questions is to gain time to think about the situation in general and your behavior in particular. You can directly ask your interlocutor if you can disagree with him in what he says to you. If he answers you yes, you can simply point it out and give him a negative answer to his request. If you feel that there is some kind of dependence in your relationship, find out what the consequences may be if you refuse.

The main condition is to clearly see the relationship between the words and actions of the interlocutor and your reactions. It often happens that the manipulator hides his manipulations, as a result of which he does not want to be exposed, so direct questions can make him retreat. This is especially true in situations where other people are present.

In the case when the relationship between your actions and the actions of your opponent is clearly visible from the very beginning, questions will help you get some time to think about your future behavior. Clarifying questions, such as:

• Why did you decide that I don't want to take responsibility?
• Why do you think I'm responsible for this?
• What exactly should I be responsible for?
• What makes you think I'm scared?
• What do you think I should be afraid of?
• Do you think that I have no right to refuse? Why?
• Are you sure what you're saying? Why?
• Why do you think so?

The main task when asking questions will be to find out the reasons why the interlocutor is in a winning position. Once you have time, move on to the next step.

Step 2 - Determine Your Opponent's Advantage

At the second stage, you need to understand how the aggressor exerts psychological pressure, how he plans to influence you. By understanding this, you will get a chance to organize a more powerful defense. Perhaps the opponent thinks he can influence you by raising his voice or shouting. In this case, you do not need to succumb to pressure. You just have to wait until the fuse of the aggressor weakens, and after that express your point of view.

It is possible that the manipulator will try to put pressure on you with the help of third parties present nearby. If so, then there is no need to lower your head. Pay attention to other people's reactions. You can even feel free to start looking at them. The mere fact that you are non-verbally addressing those present will cause them to give you some kind of feedback. The unanimity of third parties is very rare, so one of them may take your point of view. Yes, and the banal silence of others can be used to your advantage.

Remember that you cannot be psychologically broken, so you need to object slowly and calmly. Any tricks of the aggressor can be questioned or weakened if you are careful. When, for example, the interlocutor refers to some kind of authority, you can indicate that this technique is not suitable for the current situation. And if, for example, the aggressor points to his experience or age, you need to find arguments based on your experience and age.

If you want to keep the prospect of cooperation, you do not need to discount the opponent's arguments. It is better to somehow limit their applicability, using objective considerations for this. Here a person says that you have been communicating for a long time and helped him before, and that now he is again waiting for help. Relationships should not be underestimated. It is much more effective to point out the real reasons why you cannot help at the moment.

When the aggressor uses rush communication against you (at an increased pace), you need to come up with a way to stop him. You can say that you need to urgently call, go to the bathroom, send an email, etc. Any adequate pretext will help you reduce the pressure of your opponent, take a break and, knowing what the interlocutor is counting on, putting pressure on you, find your own method of pressure.

Step 3 - Determine Your Benefits

What can you use to help yourself? There are many options: support from third parties, reference to past positive experience, own merits, functions performed, authority, etc. But it’s better not to use reciprocal pressure, especially if the relationship with the manipulator is important to you for some reason.

It is best to build your arguments so that both you and the aggressor clearly understand the connection between your judgments. And if you offer your own solution to the problem, it is more competent to make it so that it is a compromise, i.e. suited both you and your communication partner.

Remember that your responses should not be too assertive, and even if you manage to successfully parry attacks, you should not show your superiority. Your task is to balance the balance, and not aggravate the situation and provoke conflict. And after the psychological pressure on you weakens, you can show your business qualities by offering cooperation.

Step 4 - Propose a Collaboration

Negotiating with a psychological aggressor is the best way to resolve a negative situation, because in this way you, firstly, make sure that you have managed to successfully apply psychological defense techniques, and secondly, let your interlocutor understand that in the future attempts to put pressure on you won't lead to anything good.

Of course, you can “cut off the ends” and permanently end the relationship with the aggressor, but in cases with loved ones or those with whom you will be forced to communicate, this option will not work. Therefore, a focus on long-term cooperation is the best choice. The same applies to situations where, for some reason, you still have to make some concessions.

Achieving a compromise is also beneficial because you will have the opportunity to explain to your partner the incorrectness of his behavior. That is why it is recommended to refrain from accusations and even more so from threats. Having come to a mutually beneficial agreement, you will prevent psychological attacks in the future, because your partner will remember how the past situation ended. This allows you to set up psychological manipulators to build constructive relationships.

Thus, we have a clear algorithm of actions when someone exerts psychological pressure:

1. Use questions to get extra time to think about the situation and determine the advantages of the aggressor.
2. Determine the advantages of the aggressor, i.e. those methods of pressure that he uses or intends to use.
3. Determine your advantages, i.e. those methods of counteraction that will be appropriate and effective in a given situation.
4. Align the balance of power and offer cooperation, for example, to come to a solution that is beneficial for everyone.

We advise you to always adhere to the techniques proposed in the article and the algorithm for protecting against psychological pressure, because at home, at work or in the company of friends, in most cases it is necessary to maintain good relationships. At the same time, we are well aware that these methods are not suitable for every situation, so you need to master other techniques to resist manipulators.

You can get acquainted with some of them in our article "", and Igor Vagin, a candidate of medical sciences, an experienced psychotherapist, business coach and specialist in sales, negotiations and personnel management, will tell you about some in this short video.

One of the first materials by Ron Hubbard, which I came across about 20 years ago, was devoted to the topic of the so-called. "suppressive individuals". He struck me with the clarity and clarity of presentation, I remember, and most importantly, with the absolute absence of any similar analogues in the literature known to me. However, science has come a long way since then. And there are even clearer statements of the signs that you have a typical Suppressive Person in front of you, and this is worth at least being aware of. So, let's go .... -OM

Suppressive people—carriers of malignant narcissism, psychopathy, and antisocial traits—often exhibit inappropriate behavior in relationships, exploiting, humiliating, and hurting their partners, relatives, and loved ones as a result.

They use many distractions designed to misinform the victim and shift the responsibility for what is happening to her. Narcissistic personalities, such as psychopaths and sociopaths, use these techniques to avoid responsibility for their actions.

We list two dozen not too clean tricks with which inadequate people humiliate others and shut their mouths.

1) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative technique that is most easily illustrated with such typical phrases as: “It didn’t happen,” “It seemed to you,” and “Are you crazy?”.

Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most insidious manipulation techniques because it aims to distort and undermine your sense of reality; it eats away at your ability to trust yourself, and as a result, you begin to question the legitimacy of your complaints of insults and mistreatment.

When a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath uses this tactic against you, you automatically side with them in order to resolve the cognitive dissonance that has arisen. Two irreconcilable reactions are fighting in your soul: either he is mistaken, or my own feelings. The manipulator will try to convince you that the former is completely out of the question, and the latter is the pure truth, indicating your inadequacy.

2) Projection

One sure sign of depression is when a person is chronically unwilling to see their own shortcomings and uses everything in their power to avoid responsibility for them. This is called projection.

Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility for one's negative traits and behaviors by attributing them to another. Thus, the manipulator avoids admitting his guilt and responsibility for the consequences.

While we all use projection to some degree, clinical narcissist Dr. Martinez-Levi notes that in narcissists, projections often become a form of psychological abuse.

Instead of admitting their own faults, flaws, and transgressions, narcissists and sociopaths prefer to blame their own vices on their unsuspecting victims, in the most obnoxious and cruel way.

Instead of admitting that they could do with taking care of themselves, they prefer to shame their victims by making them responsible for their behavior. In this way, the narcissist causes others to experience the bitter shame that he feels towards himself.

For example, a pathological liar may accuse his partner of lying; a needy wife may call her husband "sticky" in an attempt to make him dependent; a bad employee may call the boss ineffective in order to avoid a truthful conversation about their own performance.

Narcissistic sadists love to play blame-shifting. Goals of the game: they win, you lose, the result - you or the whole world as a whole is to blame for everything that happened to them. Thus, you have to nurse their fragile egos, and in return you are pushed into a sea of ​​insecurity and self-criticism. Cool idea, right?

Decision? Don't "project" your own feelings of compassion or empathy onto the overwhelming person and don't take their poisonous projections on yourself. As manipulation expert Dr. George Simon writes in his book In Sheep's Clothing (2010), projecting one's own conscientiousness and value system onto others can encourage further exploitation.

Narcissists at the extreme end of the spectrum tend to be completely uninterested in introspection and change. It is important to break off all relationships and ties with suppressive people as soon as possible in order to lean on your own reality and begin to appreciate yourself. You don't have to live in a cesspool of other people's dysfunctions.

3) Hellishly pointless conversations

If you are hoping for thoughtful communication with a suppressive person, you will be disappointed: instead of an attentive interlocutor, you will get an epic brain blockage.

Narcissists and sociopaths use stream of consciousness, circling, personalization, projection, and gaslighting to confuse and confuse you whenever you disagree or challenge them.

This is done in order to discredit, distract and upset you, divert you from the main topic and make you feel guilty about the fact that you are a living person with real thoughts and feelings that dare to be different from their own. In their eyes, the problem is your existence.

Ten minutes of arguing with a narcissist is enough and you are already wondering how you even got involved in this. You just disagreed with his ridiculous statement that the sky is red, and now your entire childhood, family, friends, career and lifestyle are mixed with dirt. This is because your disagreement contradicts his false belief that he is omnipotent and omniscient, which leads to the so-called narcissistic injury.

Remember, suppressive people are not arguing with you, they are essentially arguing with themselves, you are just an accomplice in a long, exhausting monologue. They love drama and live for it. Trying to find an argument that refutes their ridiculous claims, you are only throwing wood on the fire.

Don't feed narcissists - rather feed yourself the understanding that the problem is not with you, but with their abusive behavior. Stop communicating as soon as you feel the first signs of narcissism, and spend this time doing something pleasant.

Narcissists do not always boast outstanding intelligence - many of them are not used to thinking at all. Instead of wasting time and understanding different points of view, they make generalizations based on whatever you say, ignoring the nuances of your argument and your attempts to take into account different opinions.

And it's even easier to put some label on you - this automatically negates the value of any of your statements.

On a larger scale, generalizations and allegations are often used to discount phenomena that do not fit into baseless social prejudices, schemes and stereotypes; they are also used to maintain the status quo.

Thus, any one aspect of the problem is blown up so much that a serious conversation becomes impossible. For example, when popular personalities are accused of rape, many immediately begin to shout that such accusations sometimes turn out to be false.

And, although false accusations do occur, they are still quite rare, and in this case, the actions of one person are attributed to the majority, while the specific accusation is ignored.

These day-to-day manifestations of microaggressions are typical of a suppressive relationship. For example, you tell a narcissist that his behavior is unacceptable, and in response he immediately makes an unfounded statement about your hypersensitivity or generalization like: "You are always unhappy with everything" or "You are not happy with anything at all", instead of paying attention to actual problem.

Yes, you may be oversensitive at times - but it's equally likely that your abuser is insensitive and callous most of the time.

Stick to the truth and try to resist unfounded generalizations, because this is just a form of completely illogical black and white thinking. Behind the overwhelming people, who spread allegatory generalizations, is not the full wealth of human experience - only their own limited experience, coupled with an inflated sense of self-worth.

5) Deliberately perverting your thoughts and feelings to the point of complete absurdity

In the hands of a narcissist or sociopath, your differences of opinion, justified emotions, and real experiences turn into character flaws and evidence of your irrationality.

Narcissists make up all sorts of tall tales, paraphrasing what you said in such a way that your position looks absurd or unacceptable. Let's say you point out to a suppressive friend that you don't like the way they talk to you.

In response, he twists your words: “Oh, and you are with us, so perfection itself?” or “So you think I’m bad?” even though you just expressed your feelings. This gives them the opportunity to nullify your right to think and feel about their inappropriate behavior and instills guilt in you when you try to set boundaries.

This common distraction is a cognitive distortion called "mind reading." Suppressive people think they know your thoughts and feelings. They regularly jump to conclusions based on their own reactions instead of listening carefully to you.

They act accordingly based on their own illusions and delusions and never apologize for the harm they cause as a result. Great masters of putting words into other people's mouths, they expose you as carriers of absolutely wildest intentions and opinions.

They accuse you of being inadequate before you even comment on their behavior, and this is also a form of preemptive defense.

The best way to draw a clear line with such a person is to simply say, "I didn't say that," ending the conversation if they continue to accuse you of something you didn't do or say. As long as the suppressive person has the ability to shift the blame and divert the conversation away from their own behavior, they will continue to make you feel ashamed for daring to contradict them.

6) Nagging and changing the rules of the game

The difference between constructive and overwhelming criticism is the absence of personal attacks and unattainable standards. These so-called "critics" have no desire to help you become better - they just like to find fault, humiliate and make a scapegoat out of you.

Narcissistic sadists and sociopaths resort to a sophism called "game changer" to ensure they have every reason to be constantly dissatisfied with you. This is when, even after you have provided all sorts of evidence to support your argument or accepted all possible measures to satisfy their request, they present you with a new requirement or want more evidence.

Do you have a successful career? The narcissist will nitpick why you are still not a multimillionaire. Did you satisfy his need for 24/7 babysitting? Now prove that you can remain "independent".

The rules of the game will constantly change and can easily even contradict each other; the sole purpose of this game is to get you to seek the attention and approval of a narcissist.

By constantly raising expectations or replacing them with new ones, overwhelming manipulators can instill in you a pervasive sense of worthlessness and a constant fear of inadequacy. By isolating one minor episode or one of your failures and blowing it up to gigantic proportions, the narcissist forces you to forget about your own strengths and instead worry about your weaknesses or shortcomings all the time.

This forces you to think about new expectations that you will now have to meet, and as a result you go out of your way to satisfy his every demand - and in the end it turns out that he still treats you badly.

Don’t be fooled by nit-picking and changing the rules of the game - if a person prefers to suck over some insignificant episode over and over again, while not paying attention to all your attempts to confirm his case or satisfy his requirements, then he is not driven at all by the desire to understand you. He is driven by the desire to make you feel that you must constantly strive to earn his approval. Appreciate and approve of yourself. Know that you are a whole person, and should not constantly feel ungrateful or unworthy.

7) Changing the subject to avoid responsibility

I call this maneuver the “what-of-me-syndrome?”. This is a literal digression from the topic under discussion in order to transfer attention to a completely different one. Narcissists do not want to discuss the issue of their personal responsibility, so they divert the conversation in the direction they want. Are you complaining that he doesn't make time for the kids? It will remind you of the mistake you made seven years ago. This maneuver knows neither time nor thematic framework and often begins with the words: "And when you ..."

At the public level, these techniques are used to derail discussions that challenge the status quo. A conversation about gay rights, for example, can be derailed as soon as one of the participants raises the issue of another pressing issue, diverting everyone's attention from the original dispute.

As Tara Moss, author of Speaking Out: A 21st Century Handbook for Women and Girls, points out, specificity is needed for proper consideration and resolution of issues - this does not mean that the topics raised along the way are not important, it just means that for each topic there are its time and its context.

Do not be distructed; if someone is trying to change concepts, use the “broken record” method, as I call it: keep repeating facts stubbornly without deviating from the topic. Move the arrows back, say: “I'm not talking about that now. Let's not get distracted." If it does not help, stop the conversation and direct your energy to a more useful channel - for example, find an interlocutor who is not stuck in mental development at the level of a three-year-old baby.

8) Covert and overt threats

Narcissists and other Suppressives feel very uncomfortable when their belief that the whole world is indebted to them, a false sense of superiority or colossal self-esteem is called into question by someone. They tend to make unreasonable demands on others—and in doing so, punish you for not living up to their unattainable expectations.

Instead of maturely resolving disagreements and seeking compromise, they try to deprive you of the right to your own opinion, seeking to teach you to be afraid of the consequences of any disagreement with them or non-compliance with their requirements. They respond to any disagreement with an ultimatum, their standard reaction is “do this, otherwise I will do that.”

If, in response to your attempts to mark the line or express an excellent opinion, you hear an orderly tone and threats, whether it be veiled hints or detailed promises of punishments, this is a sure sign: you are facing a person who is sure that everyone owes him, and he will never go on compromise. Take the threats seriously and show the narcissist that you are not joking by documenting them if possible and reporting them to the appropriate authorities.

9) Insults

Narcissists preemptively make a big deal of bullshit whenever they sense the slightest threat to their sense of superiority. In their understanding, only they are always right, and anyone who dares to say otherwise inflicts a narcissistic injury on them, leading to narcissistic rage.

According to Dr. Mark Goulston, narcissistic rage is not the result of low self-esteem, but rather a belief in one's own infallibility and a false sense of superiority.

In the lowest of this type, narcissistic rage takes the form of insults when they fail to otherwise influence your opinion or emotions. Insults are a quick and easy way to offend, humiliate and ridicule your intelligence, appearance or behavior, while depriving you of the right to be human. with your own opinion.

Insults can also be used to criticize your beliefs, opinions and ideas. A well-founded point of view or a compelling rebuttal suddenly becomes "ridiculous" or "idiotic" in the hands of a narcissist or sociopath who feels hurt but can't make a substantive objection.

Unable to find the strength to attack your argument, the narcissist attacks you, seeking in every possible way to undermine your authority and question your mental abilities. As soon as insults are used, it is necessary to interrupt further communication and unequivocally state that you do not intend to tolerate this.

Don't take it personally: understand that they resort to insults only because they don't know any other way to get their point across.

10) "Training"

Suppressive people train you to associate your strengths, talents, and happy memories with abuse, disappointment, and disrespect. To this end, they, as if by chance, make derogatory remarks about your qualities and properties that they themselves once admired, and also sabotage your goals, spoil your holidays, vacations and weekends.

They can even isolate you from friends and loved ones and make you financially dependent on them. You, like Pavlov's dogs, are essentially "trained", making you afraid to do all the things that once made your life rich.

Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, and other Suppressives do this to draw attention to themselves and how you can meet their needs. If some external factor can prevent them from completely and completely controlling your life, they seek to destroy it. They need to be the center of attention all the time. In the idealization stage, you were the center of the narcissist's world - and now the narcissist should be the center of your world.

In addition, narcissists are naturally morbidly jealous and cannot stand the thought that anything can shield you even in the slightest from their influence. For them, your happiness is everything that is not available to them in their emotionally scarce existence.

After all, if you find that you can get respect, love, and support from someone who is not overwhelming, then what will keep you from parting with them? In the hands of a suppressive person, “training” is an effective way to get you to tiptoe and always stop halfway to your dream.

11) Slander and persecution

When suppressive persons cannot control how you perceive yourself, they begin to control how others perceive you; they take on the role of a martyr, making you look overwhelming.

Slander and gossip is a preemptive strike designed to destroy your reputation and tarnish your name so that you have no support left in case you do decide to end the relationship and leave the overwhelming partner. They may even harass and harass you or someone you know, ostensibly to "expose" you; this "exposure" is just a way to cover up your own overwhelming behavior by projecting it onto you.

Sometimes gossip hardens against each other two or even entire groups of people. The victim in a suppressive relationship with a narcissist often doesn't know what's being said about them as long as the relationship lasts, but usually the whole truth comes out when it breaks down.

Suppressive people will gossip behind your back (and to your face too), tell nasty things about you or your loved ones, spread rumors that make you the aggressor and them the victim, and attribute to you exactly the actions that you accuse them of. fear the most.

In addition, they will methodically, covertly and intentionally hurt you, so that later they will cite your reactions as evidence that they are the “victim” in your relationship.

The best way to counteract slander is to always control yourself and stick to the facts. This is especially true for conflict divorces with narcissists, who may deliberately provoke you in order to use your reactions against you later.

If possible, document any form of harassment, intimidation and abuse (including online), try to communicate with the narcissist only through your lawyer. When it comes to harassment and intimidation, you should contact law enforcement; it is advisable to find a lawyer who is well versed in narcissistic personality disorder. Your honesty and sincerity will speak for themselves as the mask begins to peel off the narcissist.

12) Love bombardment and devaluation

Suppressive people take you through the stage of idealization until you take the bait and start a friendship or romantic relationship with them. Then they begin to devalue you, expressing contempt for everything that initially attracted them to you.

Another typical case is when a suppressive person puts you on a pedestal and begins to aggressively devalue and humiliate someone else who threatens his sense of superiority.

Narcissists do this all the time: they scold their exes around new partners/partners, and over time begin to treat new ones with the same disdain. Ultimately, any partner of a narcissist will experience the same thing as the previous ones.

In such a relationship, you will inevitably become another ex, whom he will vilify in the same way with his next girlfriend. You just don't know it yet. So don't forget about the love bombardment method if your partner's behavior towards others contrasts sharply with the sugary sweetness that he displays in a relationship with you.

As personal development instructor Wendy Powell suggests, a good way to resist love bombardment from someone you find potentially overwhelming is to take your time.

Keep in mind that the way a person speaks of others can foreshadow how they will one day feel about you.

13) Preemptive Defense

When someone overemphasizes that he/she is a “nice guy” or “nice girl”, they immediately begin to say that you should “trust him (her)”, or assure you of their honesty out of the blue - be careful.

Suppressive and violent individuals exaggerate their ability to be kind and compassionate. They often tell you that you should "trust" them without first building a solid foundation for such trust.

They can skillfully "disguise" themselves, portraying a high level of empathy and empathy at the beginning of your relationship, only to later reveal their true identity. When the cycle of violence reaches the stage of devaluation, the mask begins to slip, and you see their true nature: terribly cold, callous and dismissive.

Genuinely good people rarely have to constantly boast about their positive qualities - they exude warmth rather than talk about it, and they know that actions are much more important than words. They know that trust and respect is a two-way street that requires reciprocity, not constant suggestion.

To counter preemptive defense, consider why the person emphasizes their good qualities. Because he thinks you don't trust him, or because he knows he's not trustworthy? Judge not by empty words, but by deeds; it is actions that will tell you whether the person in front of you matches the one he claims to be.

14) Triangulation

Referring to an opinion, point of view, or the threat of drawing an outsider into the communication dynamic is called "triangulation." A common technique for asserting the rightness of the suppressive individual and discounting the victim's reactions, triangulation often leads to love triangles in which you feel defenseless and unbalanced.

Narcissists love to triangulate with strangers, co-workers, ex-spouses, friends, and even family members to make them jealous and insecure. They also use the opinions of others to support their point of view.

This maneuver is designed to divert your attention from the psychological abuse and present the narcissist in a positive way as a popular, desirable person. Plus, you start to doubt yourself: since Mary agrees with Tom, it turns out that I'm still wrong? In fact, narcissists are happy to “tell” you nasty things that others supposedly said about you, while they themselves say nasty things behind your back.

To counter triangulation, remember that whoever the narcissist triangulates you with, that person is also triangulated by your relationship with the narcissist. Essentially, the narcissist is in charge of all the roles. Answer him with your own "triangulation" - find the support of a third party beyond his control, and do not forget that your position also has value.

15) Lure and pretend to be innocent

Suppressives create a false sense of security to make it easier for them to demonstrate their cruelty. It is worth such a person to drag you into a meaningless, random quarrel - and it will quickly develop into a showdown, because he does not know the feeling of respect.

Petty disagreement can be bait, and even if you initially restrain yourself as polite, you will quickly realize that it is driven by a malicious desire to humiliate you.

Having “lured” you with a seemingly innocent comment disguised as a rational argument, they begin to play with you. Remember, narcissists know your weaknesses, nasty phrases that undermine your self-confidence, and painful topics that open up old wounds - and they use this knowledge in their machinations to provoke you.

Once you have swallowed the bait whole, the narcissist will calm down and innocently ask if you are “okay”, assuring that he “did not mean” to stir your soul. This feigned innocence takes you by surprise and makes you believe he didn't really mean to hurt you, until it starts happening so often that you can no longer deny his obvious malicious intent.

It is advisable to immediately understand when they are trying to lure you in order to stop communication as soon as possible. Common baiting techniques are provocative statements, insults, hurtful accusations, or unfounded generalizations.

Trust your intuition: if some phrase seemed to you somehow “not like that”, and this feeling did not go away even after the interlocutor explained it, perhaps this is a signal that you should slowly comprehend the situation before reacting.

16) Boundary Checking and Vacuuming Tactics

Narcissists, sociopaths, and other Suppressives are constantly testing your boundaries to see which ones can be violated. The more violations they can commit with impunity, the further they will go.

This is why survivors of emotional and physical abuse often face even more abuse whenever they decide to return to their abusers.

Abusers often resort to "vacuum cleaner tactics", as if "sucking" their victim back with sweet promises, fake remorse and empty words about how they change, only to subject them to new bullying.

In the sick mind of the abuser, this boundary testing serves as a punishment for trying to resist the violence, as well as for returning to it. When a narcissist tries to start over from scratch, reinforce the boundaries even more, rather than retreat from them.

Remember: manipulators do not respond to empathy and sympathy. They only react to the consequences.

17) Aggressive injections under the guise of jokes

Covert narcissists love to tell you nasty things. They pass them off as “just jokes”, as if reserving the right to make disgusting comments while maintaining an innocent calm. But as soon as you get angry at rude, obnoxious remarks, they accuse you of not having a sense of humor. This is a common technique for verbal abuse.

The manipulator betrays a contemptuous smirk and a sadistic gleam in his eyes: like a predator playing with prey, he takes pleasure in the fact that he can offend you with impunity. This is just a joke, right?

Not this way. It's a way to convince you that his insults are just a joke, a way to turn the conversation from his cruelty to your alleged hypersensitivity. In such cases, it is important to stand your ground and make it clear that you will not tolerate such treatment.

When you bring these hidden insults to the attention of the manipulator, he can easily resort to gaslighting, but continue to defend your position that his behavior is unacceptable, and if it does not help, stop communicating with him.

18) Condescending sarcasm and patronizing tone

Putting others down and belittling is the strength of the Suppressive Person, and tone of voice is just one of the many tools in their arsenal. Giving each other sarcastic remarks can be fun when it's mutual, but the narcissist uses sarcasm purely as a form of manipulation and humiliation. And if it hurts you, then you are "too sensitive."

It doesn't matter that he himself throws tantrums whenever someone dares to criticize his inflated ego - no, it is precisely the victim who is "oversensitive". When you are constantly being treated like a child and being challenged for your every statement, you develop a natural fear of expressing your feelings without fear of reprimand.

This kind of self-censorship saves the abuser from having to shut your mouth because you are doing it yourself.

When faced with a condescending demeanor or patronizing tone, state it clearly and concisely. You do not deserve to be spoken to like a child, and even more so you do not have to remain silent for the sake of someone's megalomania.

19) Shaming

"Aren `t you ashamed!" - a favorite saying of suppressive people. Although it can be heard from quite normal people, in the mouth of a narcissist and a psychopath, shame is an effective method of dealing with all sorts of attitudes and actions that threaten their undivided power.

It is also used to destroy and nullify the victim's self-esteem: if the victim dares to be proud of something, then instilling shame in him for that particular trait, quality or achievement can lower his self-esteem and stifle any pride in the bud.

Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths love to use your wounds against you; they may even make you feel ashamed of the wrongs or abuse you have suffered, causing you new psychological trauma.

Did you experience abuse as a child? A narcissist or sociopath will tell you that you somehow deserved it, or brag about their own happy childhood in order to make you feel inadequate and worthless.

What better way to offend you than to pick up old wounds? Like a physician in reverse, a suppressive person seeks to deepen your wound rather than heal it.

If you suspect that you are dealing with a suppressive person, try to hide your vulnerabilities or long-term trauma from him. Until he proves that he can be trusted, you should not give him information that can then be used against you.

20) Control

Most importantly, suppressive people seek to control you in any way they can. They isolate you, manage your finances and social circles, and rule over every aspect of your life. But the most powerful tool in their arsenal is playing on your feelings.

That is why narcissists and sociopaths create conflict situations out of the blue, as long as you feel insecure and unstable. That is why they constantly argue over trifles and get angry at the slightest provocation.

That is why they become emotionally isolated, and then again rush to idealize you, as soon as they feel that they are losing control. That is why they oscillate between their true and false selves, and you never feel psychologically safe because you cannot understand what your partner really is.

The more power they have over your emotions, the more difficult it will be for you to trust your feelings and realize that you have been the victim of psychological abuse. By learning about manipulative techniques and how they undermine your self-confidence, you can understand what you are up against and at least try to regain control of your own life and stay away from overwhelming people.

In life, we often encounter the use of "forbidden tricks" regarding our personality. They do not allow us to fully assess the situation and confuse us. As a result of their actions, we allow other people to sit on our necks, enter into unprofitable contracts and make inadequate promises. All this is a consequence of the psychological pressure exerted on us.

Often, none of the participants in the communication process is aware of what is happening. People who use "forbidden tricks" do it unconsciously, and even more so, the "victim" does not track it. If this situation is painfully familiar to you, then you are probably already tired of it.

Guilt

How manipulators love to use it! The resulting guilt is a great excuse to get what is needed from you. We feel guilty for many things: the way we communicate, the lack of attention to other people, our lifestyle, our desires, etc. Usually, if you often experience such a state, this may indicate a special personality pattern.

The same event can be perceived by partners in completely different ways. This is often used by manipulators.

To resist the psychological pressure of using guilt, one thing needs to be clear: you have the right to be yourself, to have your own desires and boundaries. That is, you practically owe nothing to anyone. Separate the wheat from the chaff: outline for yourself the circle of those obligations that you voluntarily assume (care for a child or parents, time for friends, a little help from colleagues) and their limits. Then it will be easier to focus on them when someone else is trying to get the behavior they want from you.

You can, of course, play along a little with the manipulator, but only so that he calms down and does not increase the pressure. Tell the other person "no". This is the most effective way to disown what is being imposed on you. Avoid explanations altogether - they give the manipulator a hook to hang on to. Do not forget to keep track of when your feelings of guilt turn on - most likely, they will be associated with your personal weaknesses.

moral suppression

A method that is often used by aggressive personality-disabled people. They cannot solve their problems in an adult way, they begin to actively humiliate those with whom they communicate. This is manifested in the belittling of social status, blows to self-esteem, switching attention from important details to subjective ones, and the use of rhetorical questions.

In practice, this strategy may look different. For example, a mother yelling at her child: “Do you even know what you are doing! How can you be such an idiot!” Or important negotiations, during which the opponent makes a remark about the stain on your clothes. A man who makes fun of the fullness of his partner. The mechanism of work is quite simple: our attention is focused on our own inferiority, we stop adequately monitoring the situation, we feel a desire to somehow “cajole” the interlocutor.

First you need to think about why a person says such things to you at all. You can ask him directly: “For what purpose did you voice this?” It is likely that he will not find what to answer you, or he will start talking all sorts of nonsense. When it becomes obvious to you that this is a type of psychological pressure, pull yourself together and say: “He is doing this on purpose in order to get something from me. Therefore, the point is not in my inferiority, but in the inability of a partner to discuss their needs honestly and in an adult way. I will not be upset because of his words, but I will concentrate my attention on the thing that is important for me at this moment.

Psychological pressure

We rarely encounter this method in everyday life. Collection agencies, unscrupulous lawyers, bandits resort to it. Massive psychological pressure is carried out when they begin to influence you using various “strings”: they call your friends, relatives and acquaintances, find out what you are doing, disrupt negotiations or some plans.

The people around you are worried, they constantly tell you about these threats. Reassure them by explaining the situation. You need to try to do everything in your power to stop these actions: contact creditors or make a fateful decision for someone. In any case, it is worth conveying to bad people the fact that their actions only make you angry, provoke you to actions that are the opposite of what they expected.

Reducing the distance can also be an element of psychological pressure. Each of us has our own personal space, which we try to protect from strangers. If the goal of a person is to confuse and make you think chaotically, then you can’t think of a better way. The solution is very simple - to mark your boundaries, move away from the person to a safe distance, letting him know that reducing the distance is fraught with ending the dialogue.

Distortion of information

It is much easier to make a wise decision with all the information available. If someone is more interested in one outcome than the other, they will distort the information. This may be expressed in hiding some facts, focusing your attention on others. Similarly, focusing on particular details rather than the overall main problem works. Then it is very likely that such a reorientation will lead you to a strictly defined solution, which is what the interlocutor intended.

Some tend to use all sorts of rumors, gossip and speculation as decisive arguments. For example, your friend says to you: “Why would you breastfeed your baby after six months? There is nothing useful left in milk anyway! Moreover, she herself, immediately after birth, transferred the child to artificial feeding, and if you do the same, she will not feel guilty. In an attempt to pressure you, she uses a well-known myth about breastfeeding, which can really influence your decision.

But there are situations in which there are no clear and obvious boundaries. Most often it concerns relationships between people. Human behavior is determined by many reasons, and in an attempt to understand them, we often turn to the advice of friends. For example, you had a fight with a guy, and he does not pick up the phone. These actions can be interpreted in different ways, but a friend says: “What are you doing! If he doesn't love you, leave him! It's pretty easy to succumb to this.

The way out in this situation is simple, but time-consuming - to be attentive and critical to the information provided to you. Try to double-check the facts that others present to you under the guise of common truths - among them are full of myths and misconceptions. In difficult situations, try to listen to the opinions of experts: doctors, lawyers, psychologists, etc. And most importantly, try to rely on yourself and your opinion, because this is the only way you can live on your own, and not on someone else's orders.

Influence on thinking, perception and memory

The psyche and its basis - the nervous system - ladies are very capricious. Their functioning is influenced by a lot of things - from the parameters of the external environment to your mood, which sometimes unscrupulous manipulators try to take advantage of. For example, gypsies. They overload all channels of perception with various signals - they make noise, shake colored skirts, touch - and you fall into a trance. As a result, there is a risk of being left without money, gold jewelry and other valuables - well, if they are not allowed into the apartment! It is not easy to resist this, but there is a way out: run as fast as you can if you feel the use of this method in relation to yourself.

The moment when you are in a hurry somewhere or feel tired is by no means ideal for making meaningful decisions. If at this time someone is trying to slip you important papers to sign or require some promises from you, feel free to ask him for a delay and explain that you will consider this issue in more suitable conditions. The same applies to noise, bustle, stuffiness and other unpleasant environment.

Direct threats

As a rule, they are used when everything else does not help, but a person needs to achieve his goal. Usually situations of using this method are related to finances or power. Sometimes this can be evidence that the person is on his last legs and ready to do anything to negotiate with you. A kind of "cornered rat." To compromise with him or not is up to you.

In any case, it is worth trying to resolve the conflict as peacefully as possible, even if you have heard a direct threat addressed to you. Try to discuss what you hear with someone who is above the situation and able to think clearly. It is possible that, upon closer inspection, the threat is not worth a damn. And it is possible that you really can be put under pressure. In this case, it is up to you to decide whether to stand your ground completely, attracting all possible resources, or spit on it and make concessions. However, remember that those who at least once succumbed to threats are likely to continue to be threatened further.

Compulsion

It is resorted to only when there is some kind of force, otherwise no one will succumb. Examples of such power can be physical qualities, power, money, information. A person who is being coerced into something is aware of the process taking place - as opposed to being manipulated. You can try to protect yourself from him by hinting to the "pressure" that he is acting aggressively - some do not like to admit it. However, if this does not bother a person, then it is very difficult to resist this type of pressure.

Humiliation

Another type of psychological pressure, expressed in the desire of the aggressor to morally "crush the victim." In this situation, you can hear a lot of unpleasant things about yourself: you are stupid, scary, clumsy, mediocre, disorganized, etc. Being in a state of psychological prostration, you lose control of the situation, and at this moment it is very convenient to put pressure on you: “ Can you at least do that?" The idea is that if you were sober, you would never agree, but this is where personal defense mechanisms and the desire to prove your own worth come into play. By the way, this technique works solely due to self-doubt.

Leaving aside

This kind of psychological pressure stands apart from all others, since its essence lies in trying to starve you out. Simply put, when they try to put pressure on you, and you want to clarify this, the person begins to slip into extraneous topics or even goes into a “deaf defense”: “Well, what are you, huh?”. Or asks why you keep talking nasty things about him. In this case, it is necessary to track the moment of leaving each time and return to the starting point: “No, we will deal with me later, now we are talking about you.” If you are persistent, then there is a chance that the aggressor will lag behind you with his pressure.

Suggestion

This is a kind of psychological impact on a person, after which he begins to uncritically "swallow" information imposed on him from the outside.

The person using this method must be an authority for his victim, otherwise the trick will not work. An extreme version of suggestion is hypnosis, but it can also be used in the waking state. For this, as a rule, games with voice, intonation and other semi-conscious moments are used. Paradoxically, there are people who are not suggestible at all, and you are lucky if you are one of them.

Belief

The most rational kind of psychological pressure. It appeals to reason and human logic. Therefore, people with a normal level of intelligence and development of thinking are subject to him - the rest simply will not understand what they are being told about here. Speech, which includes beliefs, is usually as logical, consistent and conclusive as possible - as soon as the consciousness of the victim catches the slightest inconsistencies, the whole structure immediately collapses.

About manipulation

Its essence boils down to the desire to change the behavior, worldview or perception of another person with the help of a covert, violent or deceptive strategy.

The interests of the manipulator are realized at the expense of the victim, which is why manipulation is considered unethical. Psychologists' views on this vary greatly. Some believe that the end of an action sometimes justifies the means. For example, when a doctor convinces a patient to start taking medication. Or the mother, wanting the child to put on a hat, asks him: “Which hat are you going to wear - red or blue?” without giving him the opportunity to refuse. Others rightly believe that a person needs to be given all the information, but respect his freedom of choice and decision, even if it seems to us wrong.

Manipulations aimed (albeit indirectly) at realizing the interests of the “victim” are extremely rare. Usually it is still the desire to obtain personal gain at the expense of others. Manipulation is a hidden type of psychological pressure - a person does not understand either the true motives of the manipulator, or the fact of influence. The win is one-sided.

Manipulating people is not easy - this requires a certain level of knowledge of psychology, the ability to feel other people's weak points, composure and prudence. A person who decides to do this is rather cruel and does not worry about harming the victim.

Manipulators rely on various bases with which they manage to control human consciousness. Needs and desires have been used since ancient times to have a psychological impact on a person. Take, for example, the well-known Russian passion for "freebies" - the desire to get the maximum benefit by spending less. So many swindlers enriched themselves.

Each of us in life is guided by certain ideals and values, which include ideas about good and evil, about what is right and wrong, etc. ... So, relying on them, it is quite easy for another person to manipulate us. For example, giving alms to a beggar seems to be an act of kindness and compassion, although it has long been known that most of these donations go to the pockets of the scammers behind it.

Intelligence and logic can also be manipulated. For example, using complex and long schemes, with the calculation of numerous numbers and cause-and-effect relationships. This is often used by network marketing professionals who encourage you to join their cause: "Invest only three pennies, and get huge profits that come from the following sources ...". As a rule, several logical errors are laid in this scheme, due to which you see the result that is beneficial to the manipulator.

It is very convenient to manipulate the irrational ideas of a person. These include beliefs and convictions torn off from objective reality, which are formed during a person’s life and which are very difficult to change from the outside. They are full of them in the minds of each of us, for example:

• I have to take responsibility for everything.
• If you are asked for something, then you must help.
• I should always empathize and help other people.
• Thank you for any service.
• Everyone around should love me.

It is enough for the manipulator to "press" on one of these "sick corns", and the person turns into a practically trouble-free creature. Moreover, the power of these installations is enormous, and thanks to them, almost any unpleasant and inconvenient actions can be achieved from us.

Well, the most fertile ground for manipulation is our feelings and emotions. When someone makes you emotionally disturbed, it is very easy to use it for your own selfish purposes. Women manipulate men, men manipulate women, parents manipulate children, and vice versa. For example: “You love me and you won’t let me ride public transport.” And this can go on indefinitely, since feelings are an inexhaustible source of energy.

Methods of psychological influence

Psychological pressure can be embodied in a variety of ways - it all depends on the imagination of the aggressor. However, the basic methods of manipulating consciousness need to be known in order to resist them. As you know, forewarned is forearmed, and this is one hundred percent true of everything related to psychological pressure.

Trance

One of the oldest ways to influence the human psyche. It plunges our consciousness into a special state in which the ability to analyze information and make informed decisions is lost. Perception focuses on one thing, naturally beneficial to the manipulator. You can enter into a trance in different ways - most often monotonous stimuli are used, for example, monotonous speech, rapidly changing pictures, swinging of a pendulum, etc. ... In such a state, consciousness is especially vulnerable to pressure, so you can be verbally inspired or provoked for unwanted actions.

Using trigger words

These are words that carry an important emotional and semantic connotation for the “victim”. They are often resorted to by sellers seeking to sell their goods: "Buy a TV more reliable, a more elegant fur coat, more fashionable shorts ...". They reflect some kind of assessment or quality that the “victim” wants to possess.

Tuning

It is expressed in the fact that a person copies certain components of your behavior: intonation, breathing rhythm, posture, manner of speaking, look, gait, etc. ... It would seem that there is nothing wrong with this, but after adjustment, a direct psychological effect begins . You are already on the same wavelength with a person, and it is much easier for him to “lead” you in the right direction.

Link to authorities

When you need to convince someone of something, it is often enough to refer to some expert in this field, and that's all - victory is in your pocket. Incidentally, this is a classic version of psychological pressure. Oddly enough, authorities can also make mistakes, but this remains behind the scenes.

Psychological "games"

For example, an exemplary behaving child periodically does something out of the ordinary. Perhaps he is just mischievous, but more often than not, the matter is different: the child wants to be praised for good behavior, which is perceived by adults as the norm. After misbehavior, the likelihood of receiving praise increases as the parents see the contrast. Another example: at work, the boss calls a subordinate and asks him to do a bunch of things by tomorrow. The subordinate's eyes pop into his forehead, then the boss says: “Well, okay. Do at least that." And the subordinate gladly runs away to carry out the assignment, although initially he would never have subscribed to it.

Thanks exchange

The reception of pressure consists in the fact that a person first renders you some insignificant service, which you may not have even asked for, and then persistently hints that it would be nice to thank him for this.

"Weak"

Each of us has known this technique since childhood, when you are offered a choice: either you do what is required of you, or you will turn out to be bad. It is resorted to by all and sundry: men, colleagues, bosses, friends and acquaintances, shop assistants. Paradoxically, it works!

The image of a happy future

They paint a picture of what will happen if you do what they want from you. Our soul is so arranged that it strives for a state of joy and psychological comfort, and we are ready for anything to achieve them. At the same time, the possible inconvenience for us from such an action is simply not taken into account.

frightening images

If the previous methods do not work, then the person can be shown how bad it will be if the action is not carried out. For example, the boss says: “If you don’t make a report, then the company will face fines.” Fear overpowers, and you agree.

Oddly enough, it is much easier to resist psychological pressure than to exert it. You need to realize that you are being manipulated. You can see in the partner's behavior signs of influence techniques. Persistently drawing your attention to some aspects of the problem and ignoring others should also alert you, as well as generous promises that cause reasonable doubt. In your state, during manipulation, inexplicable sympathy for a partner, sharp fluctuations in feelings, feelings of lack of time, guilt, obligation may appear - all these things should be a signal that you are being manipulated.

Next, you should inform the interlocutor that he is "brought to clean water." You may question the appropriateness of the actions and decisions that he requires of you. Then offer your own version of interaction, which in the first place will suit you.

The manipulator will resist. Then it is useful to ask questions aimed at clarifying the situation: what does he mean when he talks about the problem, what objective conditions and restrictions are there, what needs to be done to improve the situation, etc. Specify why the manipulator chose you and right now - all this will help to track what the aggressor prefers to "pressure".