Rule #36 Build the Needs of a Confident Person Often we ask ourselves: Are we wanting too much? Or - are we not expecting too little from life? A confident person differs from an insecure one in that he can correctly formulate his needs.

Rule No. 2 Form an opinion about yourself, but do not try to control this process The desire for recognition in a new team is one of the tasks that a newcomer sets for himself. It is extremely important for us how others evaluate us. A positive rating is

42. I won't wish happy birthdays to clients because it's stupid. Intention: It's important to do what benefits the company. So… Redefining: show the client that he is important in this way. Separation: congratulate 10 clients. And see how they

Speaking well is simply thinking out loud well. Joseph Ernest Renan

Communication with strangers is always associated with the fear of seeming stupid: to say something wrong, to do something wrong and thereby spoil the impression of oneself. This excitement is normal, because you will not have a second attempt to make a good impression, which is why it is so important not to look stupid in a conversation with which you open an acquaintance.

The obsessive and unreasonable fear of looking stupid is called social phobia. This is a serious psychological problem that has nothing to do with natural excitement in stressful situations.

It should be understood that everyone can say or do stupid things, for this it is not necessary to be a stupid person. This is not yet a characteristic and, moreover, not a diagnosis. Often people speak out of place, out of place, stray or do not say what they want to say, because of confusion, excitement and excessive zeal. Constant self-control leads to the fact that a person spends all his attention on himself in an attempt not to seem stupid in communication, and because of this, he is completely turned off from a real conversation.

In what situations can we look stupid and why

To answer the main questions of our article about how to be free in communication and stop being afraid to seem stupid, let's look at the main situations in which stiffness and self-doubt are especially relevant.

In an unfamiliar company.

On a date or first contact with a member of the opposite sex.

At the interview and in any other communication with a potential employer.

Among professionals or amateurs in a field in which you are poorly versed.

In an unfamiliar company

Any circle of people who know each other and communicate closely has its own unspoken format of communication. There are things that are customary and not customary to do or say - the same "charter" that each "monastery" has its own. For example, in one society it may be customary to address each other as "you", in another - as "you", and in both cases you will look like a "foreign body" if you break the rule.

In an unfamiliar company, the biggest mistake will be an attempt to impose your own rules on others or criticize existing ones.

Take a look at your surroundings. Sometimes it can be useful to copy the manner of communication of others, sometimes - to ask a question in the spirit of “wouldn’t it be impolite of me if I say / do this”, etc. Openness, tact and desire to join the team without fawning and flattery will always be appreciated.

Date or first meeting

The most delicate and subtle communication is communication with the opposite sex, unthinkable without worries and experiences of all stripes. It is noteworthy that stupidity in all its diversity is characteristic of romantic relationships: after all, they say that there is nothing more stupid than a man in love. Most often, these are very cute nonsense that do not spoil communication as much as they are part of it and give it that same romantic flavor.

Do you want to be an interesting conversationalist? Your interlocutor wants it too. Let him feel that you are truly interested in him, and reciprocity will not keep you waiting.

But on the first date or at the first attempt to make an acquaintance, it is too early to talk about romance, it is important here to make a first impression, which will serve as the foundation for the development of relations. The key to a positive impression in this case will be attention to the interlocutor. Talk about yourself as little as possible unless you're asked, and if you're asked, make sure it's not a polite question. Fill awkward pauses with questions, don't be afraid to be curious: it's much worse if you are considered uninterested.

Interview

The more prestigious and profitable the vacant position, the more demands the employer makes on the applicant, the more reasons for the applicant to worry and stress before an important interview. The dumbest interviewers are those who:

• too diligently hide their excitement behind a mask of indifference - a defensive reaction to stress makes a person behave arrogantly and dismissively, as if he is providing a service to the employer, it always looks fake and never meets sympathy;
• brag too much - to talk about their real achievements in the language of facts and figures is not boasting. “I graduated with honors”, “thanks to my marketing strategy, sales increased by 40% in the first half of the year” - these are all verifiable facts that cannot be hushed up. “Yes, as a specialist, there is no price for me”, “no one in this city knows their business better than me” - this is bragging.

In a community of professionals

The fear of looking stupid in front of people who are more knowledgeable on the subject of the conversation pushes for different ways to compensate for ignorance. Someone prefers to remain silent and listen, while others do everything to look no less knowledgeable. The dumbest person is the ill-informed who argues with the well-informed.

It is not a shame not to know, it is a shame not to be interested, it is even more shameful to try to appropriate non-existent knowledge.

The desire not to lose face is sometimes so high that the arguments are literally sucked out of the finger and cause bewilderment among the interlocutors. In most cases, people around will try to tactfully change the course of the conversation, but the impression of the incident will remain in their memory for a long time.

Not only a person who said a stupid thing at the wrong time and out of place, but also a person who has nothing to say can look stupid in a conversation. This, of course, may be the result of a lack of intelligence or a narrow outlook, but much more often it is the result of excitement and shyness.

How to avoid pauses in a conversation, to liberate yourself and become a connoisseur of the art of communication? Our selection of seven simple tips will help you with this.

1. First, stop asking too much of yourself: you don't have to be afraid to look like a layman in a hockey fan community if figure skating is your favorite sport. You do not have to be highly versed in all areas, and no one expects this from you but yourself. There is an awkward pause as you contemplate what would be so smart to say.
2. Your attention should be focused not only on how to sparkle with your mind and amaze everyone with your ability to express thoughts, but also on the words, actions, emotions of the interlocutors. Otherwise, a well-thought-out speech will turn into a monologue, a “one-sided game”.
3. In drama school, teachers constantly remind students that communication involves dialogue with asking each other questions. Your real interest in the positions of the interlocutor, his opinion and emotions, will have a beneficial effect on the conversation, help to avoid awkward pauses and a false impression.
4. Know how to continue the conversation, remembering new facts: link the conversation about mushrooms with the secrets of home canning, if this, of course, is appropriate. Your flexibility and mobility in topics of conversation will be the main quality of a good interlocutor.
5. Do not be afraid of easy topics for discussion, talking about nothing, because this has its own charm. You need to be able to relax, forget about work. Focus on building confidence, humor, and visualizing your success. If you are communicating with a stranger, then do not be shy, imagine that you are connected by a long and strong friendship, that you have something to talk about.
6. Talk about topics that you know a little about. Don't be afraid to say that chemistry is only the tenth subject on the list that interests you, but there are many topics that interest you more.
7. Try to read a lot, expand your horizons, vocabulary.

Try to learn how to speak at a speed of 120 words per minute, which is exactly what you will get in the communication training. Pay attention to the frequency of your speech, diction, volume, the presence of pauses. Learn to control your emotions so as not to scream.

Even smart people can look pretty stupid sometimes. After all, certain behaviors can affect how others perceive you. Surely none of us wants to seem stupider than he really is. Therefore, today we propose to find out how to avoid such troubles and not lose face in front of colleagues or clients.

Alcoholic drinks

Of course, everyone knows that a drunk person often looks stupid. However, as a result of studies conducted in 2013, it turned out that even if you just hold an alcoholic drink in your hand, others perceive you as a less intellectually developed person.

Using buzzwords when it's not necessary

Many undergraduates and young professionals today are trying to use more buzzwords in writing. They believe that this should have a positive impact on the opinions of others about their level of intelligence. However, studies show that in most cases it is better to use simple and understandable language. Thus, the subjects were given two texts to read. One of them was full of tricky words, and in the other they were replaced by short synonyms. As a result, the people who took part in the experiment considered the author of the second text to be more intelligent.

Misuse of words and phrases

Every language has words and expressions that can be interpreted in different ways. And if you are not completely sure of the meaning of one or another of them, then it is better to refuse to use them altogether. After all, if you say something out of place, you will look stupid in the eyes of educated and intelligent interlocutors.

Too fast or too slow walking

If you are going somewhere as part of a group, then be sure to measure the speed of your movement with other people. The fact is that a number of studies have proven that others perceive those who walk more slowly, or, on the contrary, faster than others, as less intelligent and less competent.

Avoid eye contact

It is possible that you are just nervous and therefore look at the floor or to the side while talking with another person. However, you can be sure that this worsens the opinion of the interlocutor about you. Many studies have shown that you will seem much smarter if you do not avoid eye contact during a conversation.

Use strong language at work

No matter how stressful you are at the office, don't allow yourself to use swear words or swear words. Indeed, according to the results of surveys, it turned out that more than half of employers begin to consider employees who use strong words as less intelligent people.

To frown

When we frown, we look not only unfriendly. So, we may seem even dumber.

monotonous speech

If you want to appear smarter, then your speech must be expressive. If, on the contrary, you talk about something monotonously, without emotions and pauses, then the interlocutors are unlikely to perceive you as a person with a high level of intelligence.

Many are afraid to turn to a colleague or boss for advice for fear of appearing incompetent. However, in reality, things are different. And the fact that you are not afraid to ask for help speaks of your desire to develop and increase your own competence.

Helpful Hints

Stupidity is one of the most serious vices of our time.

Underestimating the harm caused by stupidity can play a cruel joke. How can you tell if a girl is smart or not?

Perhaps stupid girls lack intelligence, logic, reason, wit and, above all, common sense. Stupidity can take many forms - while some girls are innately stupid, others resort to being silly as a defense against harsh reality.

Here are 7 obvious signs that you are a very superficial and stupid person:

Signs of stupidity

1. An obsession with being different

When you become obsessed with the idea of ​​always being different, whether it's right or wrong, it's likely that you're going in the wrong direction.

You are weighed down by the thought that you are ordinary, and you think that if you are always different, you will be able to compensate for your inferiority complex.

In a sense, a woman who begins to adopt someone's behavior and imitate someone in order to always be different becomes like a person with a split personality.

In other words, she initiates an illusion in order to convince others of her individuality.

This behavior looks very stupid, because each of us is already unique in itself. So this tactic may work for a while, but not in the long run.

2. You constantly need attention, attention and more attention.

You never had permanent friends and admirers, and now, due to a lack of something in the past, you began to change your behavior in order to draw attention to your person in the present.

You demand attention from everyone, and in most cases you think only of yourself. You want to be the center of attention all the time. You worry if you are not looked at and underestimated.

If they do not pay attention to you, it hurts you, and you try in every way to attract him to your person.

You may even have gotten to the point of scheduling fake phone calls to show others that you're in demand.

If you do something like this, know that such behavior borders on complete stupidity.

3. You tell the same story twenty times.

While your friends are having fun gossiping and constantly changing topics of conversation, you are constantly telling the same thing. The plot of your stories, as a rule, is always similar and predictable.

You are trying to make everyone believe that your life is full of adventure and interesting events. In order to attract attention and have fun, you even start making up stories, taking facts out of thin air.

To impress people, you keep doing it, not realizing that, in this way you look stupid and even pathetic.

4. You try to please everyone and adapt to everyone.

You always accept the tastes and preferences of your friends.

Moreover, you do not just accept them, but adapt to them and indulge them. Your likes and dislikes go hand in hand with what your friends like or dislike.

Their favorite movies automatically become your favorites, and there is hardly any opinion of your friends that you won't agree with.

And when one of them says something, you will certainly agree and use some exclamatory phrases as a reaction to every word they say.

But in this way one gets the impression that you do not have your own opinion. So, you look stupid and a little ridiculous.

5. You have become accustomed to the role of the eternal victim.

No matter what happens in your life, do you always try on the role of a victim? Has this role already become familiar to you, even if there is no special reason for it? Such behavior may indicate the highest stupidity.

You complain to everyone you meet about your problems, even if they are not worth a damn. Even a little strife with a guy is an opportunity to declare a third world war?

You can cry over any little thing, because you like to be pitied. You even resort to emotional blackmail of your friends and loved ones.

Perhaps this is a very effective way to attract the attention of others, however, believe me, such behavior does not paint you, but, on the contrary, exposes you in a very unsightly light.

6. Fashion magazines dictate your style and lifestyle.

Wise quotes from psychologists and seers from sacred books advise us to focus on our inner calling, find ourselves, identify our desires and go towards the chosen goal, and also understand ourselves as a person.

However, instead, you read fashion magazines, follow the blogs of stars on social networks, try to imitate them and live their lives.

It seems to you that everything that celebrities do and wear is right. Therefore, you passionately want to be like them and sit for hours on the Internet in search of what the stars are wearing.

To impress the people around you, you are ready for a lot.

If you live by the laws of fashion magazines and talk in grandiloquent phrases from Instagram, believe me, you are not a particularly smart girl.

7. Persecution and jealousy

Is your jealousy going crazy and are you literally stalking your boyfriend?

Do you check phones, mail, notebooks? Such behavior does not indicate too high intelligence.

Do you harass your rivals or detractors on social media by leaving unnecessary or disgusting comments on their Facebook wall?

Your behavior is simply terrible, it borders not just on recklessness, but already on stupidity. Believe me, all this does not paint you, but on the contrary, it only repels you.

If you recognize yourself in the above seven points, then most likely you urgently need to reconsider your behavior.

After all, if you continue in this spirit, you can come to the conclusion that you will indeed be considered a stupid mediocre person.