Willpower author Kelly McGonigal read. Develop and strengthen willpower

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Kelly McGonigal
Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen

Published with permission from Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

Book illustrations provided by Tina Pavlato of Visual Anatomy Limited (ch. 1, 5), Hal Ersner-Herschfield and John Baron (ch. 7)

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

This book is well complemented by:

whole life

Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

time drive

Gleb Arkhangelsky

How to get things in order

David Allen

Personal development

Stephen Pavlina

Strategy and the fat smoker

David Meister

This book is dedicated to anyone who has ever struggled with temptation, addiction, procrastination and persuasion to do something - that is, all of us

A smart man wants to control himself - a child wants sweets.

Rumi1
Jalaladdin Rumi, 13th century Persian Sufi poet.

Preface. Introductory lesson on the course "The Science of Willpower"

When I tell anyone I'm teaching a course on willpower, they almost always say, "Oh, that's what I'm missing." Today, more than ever, people are realizing that willpower—the ability to control attention, feelings, and desires—affects physical health, financial status, close relationships, and professional success. We all know this. We know that we must have complete control over our lives: what we eat, do, say, buy.

However, most people feel like failures on this path: one moment they are in control of themselves, and the next they are overwhelmed by feelings and they lose control. According to the American Psychological Association, society believes that a lack of willpower is the main cause of difficulties on the way to the goal. Many people feel guilty for letting themselves and others down. Many find themselves at the mercy of their own thoughts, feelings, addictions - their behavior is dictated more by impulses than by conscious choice. Even the most adept at self-control get tired of holding the line and ask themselves if life really has to be this hard.

As a health psychologist and educator of the wellness program at Stanford University School of Medicine, my job is to teach people how to manage stress and make healthy decisions. For years I have watched people struggle with themselves to change their thoughts, feelings, bodies, and habits, and I realized that these sufferers' notions of willpower were hindering their success and causing unnecessary stress. While science might have helped them, people had a hard time accepting dry facts and continued to rely on old strategies that, as I found time and time again, were not only ineffective, but also backfired, leading to sabotage and loss of control.

This inspired me to create the Science of Willpower course, which I teach as part of the continuing education program at Stanford University. The course summarizes the results of the latest research by psychologists, economists, neuroscientists and doctors and explains how to break old habits and develop good ones, overcome procrastination, learn to focus and cope with stress. He reveals why we give in to temptation and how to find the strength to resist. He shows the importance of understanding the limits of self-control and suggests the best strategies for building willpower.

To my delight, The Science of Willpower quickly became one of the most popular courses the Stanford Continuing Education program has ever offered. In the very first class, we had to change the audience four times to accommodate the continuously arriving audience. Corporate executives, teachers, athletes, medical professionals and other curious crowds filled one of Stanford's largest auditoriums. Students began to bring spouses, children and colleagues to introduce them to the cherished knowledge.

I hoped the course would be useful to this motley company. The goals of the people who attended the classes varied: some wanted to quit smoking or lose weight, while others wanted to get out of debt or become a good parent. But the result surprised even me. Four weeks later, in a survey, 97 percent of students reported that they had become more aware of their own behavior, and 84 percent that their willpower had strengthened due to the proposed strategies. By the end of the course, participants described how they had overcome their 30-year cravings for sweets, finally paid their taxes, stopped yelling at their children, started exercising regularly, and felt that they were generally more satisfied with themselves and responsible for their decisions. Their evaluation of the course: it changed their lives. The students were unanimous: The Science of Willpower gave them clear strategies for developing self-control and the power to achieve what meant so much to them. The scientific findings were equally useful to a recovering alcoholic and to a person who could not tear himself away from e-mail. Self-control strategies helped people avoid temptations: chocolate, video games, shopping, and even a married co-worker. Students attended classes to achieve personal goals such as running a marathon, starting a business, coping with the stress of losing a job, family conflicts, and a dreaded Friday dictation (that's what happens when moms bring their kids to class).

Of course, like any honest teacher, I confess that I also learned a lot from students. They fell asleep when I hummed for too long about the wonders of scientific discoveries, but forgot to mention what it has to do with willpower. They quickly told me which strategies worked in the real world and which failed (a laboratory experiment would never achieve this). They creatively approached the weekly tasks and shared with me new ways to turn abstract theories into useful rules for everyday life. This book combines the best scientific achievements and practical exercises of the course, based on the latest research and the experience of hundreds of my students.

In order to successfully control yourself, you need to know your weaknesses.

Most books about life changes—new diets or financial freedom—will help you set your goals and even show you how to achieve them. But if we had enough awareness of what we want to fix, every New Year's resolution we made to ourselves would come true, and my class would be empty. A rare book will tell you why you are not busy with what you need.

For example, smokers who are particularly optimistic about their ability to abstain from cigarettes are much more likely to be taken for granted four months later, and overly optimistic weight lossrs are minimally likely to lose weight. Why? They fail to predict when, where, and why they will succumb to temptation. They expose themselves to great temptations, such as hanging out in smoking groups or placing vases of cookies around the house. Their breakdowns are genuinely amazing, and they give up at the slightest difficulty.

Knowing about ourselves—especially how we behave when our willpower fails us—is the foundation of self-control. That's why the Science of Willpower course and this book focus on common failures of self-control. Each chapter debunks common misconceptions about self-control and offers a new approach to willpower testing. We will make a kind of autopsy of each of our oversights. What causes failure when we succumb to temptation or delay what we need to do? What is this fatal mistake and why do we make it? Most importantly, we will find a way to save ourselves from evil fate and turn the knowledge of mistakes into strategies for success.

I hope that after reading the book, you will understand your imperfect, but completely human behavior. The science of willpower shows that each of us, in one way or another, struggles with temptation, addiction, absent-mindedness, and procrastination. All these weaknesses do not expose our personal failure - they are universal phenomena, part of our human essence. If my book only helps you see that you are far from alone in your “struggling of wills,” I will be happy. But I would really like to see things go further and the strategies in this book give you the opportunity to truly and permanently change your life.

How to use this book

Become a Willpower Explorer

I was trained as a researcher, and the first thing I learned was that theories are good, but facts are better. So I ask you to treat the book as an experiment. The scientific approach to self-control is not limited to the laboratory. You can – and should – make yourself the subject of your own natural experiment. While reading the book, do not take my words for granted. I will argue my arguments, but I will ask you to check them in practice. Do your research, find out what is right for you, what helps you.

In each chapter, you will find two types of tasks that will help you become a willpower researcher. The first one is called "Under the microscope". These are questions about what is happening in your life right now. Before you change something, you need to see it. For example, I will ask you to note when you are most likely to give in to temptation, how hunger affects your spending. I will ask you to pay attention to what you say to yourself when your will is tested, including when you put things off until later, and how you yourself evaluate the successes and failures of your will. I'll even ask you to do field research, such as how salespeople use store interiors to loosen your self-control. In each such case, take the impartial position of a curious observer, like a scientist peering into a microscope, hoping to discover something exciting and useful. You should not eat yourself for every weakness or complain about the modern world with its temptations (the first is superfluous, but I will take care of the second).

In each chapter you will also find "Experiments". These are practical strategies for improving self-control taken from scientific research or theory. They will help you strengthen your willpower in life's trials. I strongly recommend that you keep an open mind about all methods, even if some seem counterintuitive to you (there will be many). They have been tested by students in my course, and while not every strategy will work for everyone, they all deserve the highest praise. But what about those that sounded good in theory, but failed miserably in practice? You won't find them here.

These experiments are a wonderful way to stop stalling and find new solutions to old problems. I recommend that you test different strategies and see from experience what works best for you. Since these are experiments, not exams, you won't fail them - even if you decide to try the exact opposite of what science suggests (after all, it needs skeptics). Share these methods with friends, family, colleagues, see what works for them. It's always educational and you can use your observations to sharpen your own skills.

Your test of willpower

To get the most out of this book, I suggest that you choose one willpower challenge to test all of your ideas. Every person has their own weaknesses. Some of them are universal, for example, we have biological cravings for sweets and fats, and we all have to restrain ourselves so as not to devastate the local candy store alone. But many willpower tests are unique. What attracts one person may repel another. What excites one person may seem boring to another. And someone will gladly pay for the opportunity to do something that you are still not going to do. However, whatever the difficulties, they affect us all in the same way. You are about as hungry for chocolate as a smoker yearns for a cigarette, or as a shopaholic is itching to empty his wallet. You talk yourself out of exercising, just like one person justifies himself for not paying his overdue bills, and another for not sitting an extra evening with books.

Perhaps your test of willpower is something you've always avoided (let's call it the "I will" test of power), or some habit you want to break (the "I won't" test of power). You can also choose an important life goal that you want to give more energy and attention to (testing the strength of "I want"), for example, take care of your health, cope with stress, become a better parent, achieve career success. Absent-mindedness, temptations, impulsiveness, and procrastination are such universal tests that the advice in this book will work for any purpose. By the time you finish reading, you will have a better understanding of your weaknesses and will be armed with a new set of self-control strategies.

Take your time

This book contains a 10 week educational course. It is divided into 10 chapters, each describing one key idea, the science behind it, and how it can be applied to your goals. Ideas and strategies are interconnected, and the tasks of each chapter prepare you for the next.

While you can read the entire book in a weekend, I suggest slowing down when it comes to implementing strategies. In my classes, students spend a whole week watching how each idea resonates in their lives. Every week they try one new way of self-control, and at the end they report which one helped them the most. I encourage you to take the same approach, especially if you intend to use the book for a particular purpose, such as weight loss or cost control. Give yourself time to try all the exercises and reflect. Choose one strategy from each chapter, the one that best suits your problem, and don't try 10 new methods at once.

You can use the 10-week structure of the book any time you want to change something in your life or achieve any goal. Some of my students took the course more than once, each time choosing a new test. But if you decide to read the book in its entirety first, enjoy it, and don't try to keep up with the reflections and exercises along the way. Remember what you found most interesting, and then return when you are ready to bring ideas to life.

Let's get started

Here's your first challenge: choose one challenge for the journey into the science of willpower. And I look forward to seeing you in the first chapter: we will go back in time to understand how willpower arose - and how to use it.

Under the microscope: choose your test of willpower
If you haven't already, now it's time to choose a willpower test to which you will apply the ideas and strategies from the book. The following questions will help you identify it:

– Test of Strength "I Will". Is there something you want to do more than anything in the world, or something you want to stop putting off because you know it will make your life so much easier?

– Test of Strength "I Won't". What is your most sticky habit? What would you like to get rid of or what would you like to do less often because it harms your health, hinders your happiness or success?

– Test of strength "I want". What is your most important long-term goal that you want to dedicate your energies to? What immediate “want” is most likely to seduce you and distract you from that goal?

1. “I will”, “I will not”, “I want”: what is willpower and why is it important

When you think about what requires willpower, what is the first thought that comes to mind? For most of us, the classic test of willpower is temptation, whether it's a donut, a cigarette, or a one-night stand. When people say, "I'm weak-willed," it usually means, "It's hard for me to say no when my mouth, stomach, heart, or... (substitute your body part) wants to say yes." Call it the "I won't" power.

But the ability to say no is only one component of willpower. After all, "just say no" are the three favorite words of bagpipers and couch potatoes from all over the world. Sometimes it's more important to say yes - otherwise how do you do all the things that you put off until tomorrow (or forever)? Willpower helps you put it on your to-do list, even when insecurities, petty worries, or an endless stream of reality TV shows try to convince you. This ability to do what you must, even if some part of your soul does not want it, we will call the power of "I will."

The powers "I will" and "I won't" are two aspects of self-control, but it is not limited to them. Saying yes and no to the right requires a third power: the ability to remember what you really want. I know you feel like you really want a chocolate chip cookie, a third martini, or a day off. But when you face temptation or flirt with slowness, you must remember that what you really want is to fit into tight jeans, get a promotion, pay off your credit card debt, save your marriage, or stay out of jail. Otherwise, what will keep you from momentary desires? To master yourself, you need to know what is truly important to you. This is the power of "I want".

Self-control is the control of the three forces: "I will", "I will not" and "I want" and it helps you achieve your goals (or stay out of trouble). As we shall see, we human beings are the proud owners of brains that support all three functions. In fact, the development of these three forces defines us as a human species. Before we get down to the dirty business of analyzing why we can't use them, let's get a feel for how lucky we are to have them. We will look into the brain and see where the sacrament takes place, as well as learn how we can train willpower. We'll also briefly look at why willpower can be hard to come by and how to bring to bear another unique human ability, self-awareness, so that our endurance never fails.

Where does our will power come from?

Imagine: we have been transported 100 thousand years ago, and you are a brand new Homo sapiens among all the evolved diversity. Yes, I'll wait until you enjoy your protruding thumbs, straight posture, hyoid bone (which allows you to develop some semblance of speech, although I'm sure I can't understand a word). By the way, congratulations: you can make a fire (without starting a fire), as well as draw buffaloes and hippos with advanced stone tools.

A few generations ago, your life tasks were so simple: 1) find lunch; 2) multiply; 3) avoid unexpected encounters with Crocodylus anthropophagus (translated from Latin - "a crocodile that bursts people"). But you grew up in a friendly tribe and depend on other homo sapiens for survival. This means that you have to add "don't make anyone angry in the process" to your list of priorities. Community means cooperation and distribution of resources: you can't just take what you want. If you steal someone's buffalo sandwich or a friend-girlfriend, you can be expelled from the tribe and even killed (don't forget, other Homo sapiens also have sharp stone tools, and your skin is much thinner than a hippopotamus). Moreover, you need a tribe: it takes care of you when you are sick or injured, and therefore cannot hunt or gather berries. Even in the stone age, the rules for winning friends and influencing people were similar to today: help out when a neighbor needs shelter, share lunch even if you haven't eaten yet, and think twice before saying, "This loincloth is for you." full." In other words, please take care of yourself a little.

It's not just your life at stake. The survival of the entire tribe depends on your ability to choose who to fight (preferably not your own) and whom to marry (not cousins: you need to increase genetic diversity, otherwise your entire tribe will be mowed down by one disease). And if you are lucky enough to find a couple, you are expected to connect for life, and not just once behind a neighboring bush. Yes, as a (nearly) modern person, you have a plethora of new ways to get into trouble thanks to your time-honored eating, aggressive, and sexual instincts.

Thus arose the need for what we now call willpower. In the course of (pre)history, the increasing level of complexity of our social worlds demanded more and more self-control. The need to fit in, cooperate, and maintain long-term relationships has loaded our primitive brain, and it has developed self-control strategies. Modern we are the answer to those long-standing requirements. Our brain made up for what was missing, and voila: we had willpower - the ability to control our impulses, which helped us become people in the full sense of the word.

Kelly McGonigal

Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen

This book is dedicated to anyone who has ever struggled with temptation, addiction, procrastination and persuasion to do something - that is, all of us

A smart man wants to control himself - a child wants sweets.

Rumi[Jalaladdin Rumi, 13th-century Persian Sufi poet.]

Preface. Introductory lesson on the course "The Science of Willpower"

However, most people feel like failures on this path: one moment they control themselves, and the next they are overwhelmed by feelings and lose control. According to the American Psychological Association, society believes that a lack of willpower is the main cause of difficulties on the way to a goal. Many people feel guilty for letting themselves and others down. Many find themselves at the mercy of their own thoughts, feelings, addictions - their behavior is dictated more by impulses than by conscious choice. Even the most adept at self-control get tired of holding the line and ask themselves if life really has to be this hard.

As a health psychologist and educator of the wellness program at Stanford University School of Medicine, my job is to teach people how to manage stress and make healthy decisions. For years I have watched people struggle with themselves to change their thoughts, feelings, bodies, and habits, and I realized that these sufferers' notions of willpower were hindering their success and causing unnecessary stress. Although science could help them, people were not good at taking dry facts and continued to rely on old strategies that, as I found again and again, were not only ineffective - they went sideways, led to sabotage and loss of control.

In order to successfully control yourself, you need to know your weaknesses.

I believe that the best way to develop self-control is to understand how and why you lose it. Knowing what will most likely cause you to give up will not set you up for failure, as many fear. It will serve as a support for you and help you get around the traps in which willpower tends to cheat on you. According to research, people who think they have a strong will are actually much more likely to lose their temper when tempted [This distortion extends beyond willpower. For example, people who believe that they can easily do several things at the same time are more easily distracted by extraneous stimuli than others. This phenomenon is known as the Dunning-Kruger effect and was first reported by two psychologists at Cornell University. They found that people overestimate various abilities, such as a sense of humor, literacy, and judgment. This effect is most pronounced in people whose skills are particularly weak: those whose test scores fall in the 12th percentile tend to rate themselves in the 62nd percentile on average. This explains, among other things, the high volume of talent show auditions.]. For example, smokers who are particularly optimistic about their ability to abstain from cigarettes are much more likely to be taken for granted four months later, and overly optimistic weight lossrs are minimally likely to lose weight. Why? They fail to predict when, where, and why they will succumb to temptation. They expose themselves to great temptations, such as hanging out in smoking groups or placing vases of cookies around the house. Their breakdowns are genuinely amazing, and they give up at the slightest difficulty.

Knowing about ourselves - especially about how we behave when our willpower fails us - is the foundation of self-control. That's why the Science of Willpower course and this book focus on common failures of self-control. Each chapter debunks common misconceptions about self-control and offers a new approach to willpower testing. We will make a kind of autopsy of each of our oversights. What causes failure when we succumb to temptation or delay what we need to do? What is this fatal mistake and why do we make it? Most importantly, we will find a way to save ourselves from evil fate and turn the knowledge of mistakes into strategies for success.

I hope that after reading the book, you will understand your imperfect, but completely human behavior. The science of willpower shows that each of us, in one way or another, struggles with temptation, addiction, absent-mindedness, and procrastination. All these weaknesses do not reveal in us personal failure - they are universal phenomena, part of our human essence. If my book only helps you see that you are far from alone in your “struggling of wills,” I will be happy. But I would really like to see things go further and the strategies in this book give you the opportunity to truly and permanently change your life.

If you think that willpower is a certain quality that is inherent only to the elect, then you are mistaken. “Strength is just a muscle that can be trained with the help of special techniques and exercises,” I am sure PhD, psychologist, professor at Stanford University Kelly McGonigal, author of the book Willpower.

AiF.ru publishes an excerpt from the book.

Three forces within us

So, within each of us there are three forces: "I will", "I will not" and "I want". Willpower is precisely the ability to control these three forces and turn on each of them in time.

“I will” is a force within us that makes promises of this kind: “From Monday I will run,” “I will eat less sweets.”

"I will" is the ability to do what you don't want to. “I will” are our intentions, which are usually much weaker than our bad habits.

The "I won't" power is the sister of the "I will" power. It is the ability to say “No” to your temptations.

And "I want" is what you really want.

As Kelly writes, “I know you feel like you really want a chocolate chip cookie, a third martini, or a day off. But when you face temptation or flirt with slowness, you need to remember that what you really want is to fit into tight jeans, get a promotion, pay off your credit card debt, save your marriage, or stay out of jail.”

That is, the power of "I want" is what we want, if we get to the bottom of it. After all, if you look deeper, then the donut helps us seize our problems, and with the help of alcohol we just want to become more attractive to the opposite sex (yes, yes, if you have a problem with alcohol, then subconsciously you just want love).

So, willpower is the ability to control and launch these three forces.

Where does our willpower come from?

Imagine that we are transported back 100,000 years. What was the person like then? He didn't care at all about new watches, cars, or loan payments. All our ancient ancestors cared about was reproduction, avoiding danger, and finding something to eat.

All processes were balanced. Ancient people didn't stand at the fast food checkouts ordering a few hamburgers. And then they didn't get into their cars and drive home.

In order to eat, a person had to do a bunch of actions. Ancient people did not suffer from obesity or hypertension. They didn't have to control themselves because their instincts controlled them. They knew: if you see danger, run. If you want to eat, you have to try.

Gradually, a person developed, he had more and more temptations, and with each new round of development he had to learn to control himself. Our brain has been transformed, and relatively recently a special department has appeared in it, which was created to control ourselves. This neoplasm is called the prefrontal cortex. It is she who helps us make strong-willed decisions. It is this small part of the brain that is responsible for the fact that we can control ourselves and our actions. If a person did not have a prefrontal cortex, then from the outside he would look a little primitive.

How to develop and strengthen willpower?

In order to develop and strengthen willpower, it is enough to remember just a few ways that will ensure that your self-control will work like clockwork. Here are the five ways:

1. Breathe in self-control

Proper breathing in general can help to avoid many, many problems. Many doctors say that if they were asked about the simplest skill that will help a person to be in shape, they would choose the ability to breathe correctly.

So, here's what you need to do in order for the cells of your prefrontal cortex to fill with air. Take a stopwatch and take a deep breath for 7 seconds. Then exhale also for 7 seconds. Ideally, you should take 4-6 breaths per minute, that is, each breath should take 10-15 seconds. If you do this exercise before a strong-willed "breakdown", it will help you restrain yourself.

2. Five-minute meditation

Our brain is constantly working, and sometimes there are too many parallel processes running in it. All this greatly hinders the "volitional" processes. Remember how our body reacts when we have a lot of things to do and we don’t have time to do anything. He is constantly drawn to something to "calm" himself - for example, to eat.

That is why one of the best ways to regain control of your will is to do a little meditation. At the same time, even focusing on your breathing can be considered meditation. You can just say "inhale" and "exhale" to yourself. Even a five-minute meditation will help you keep yourself from falling over.

3. Take a walk!

“There is no problem that a walk cannot solve,” says an old Chinese proverb. And this is absolutely true! Walking literally charges your body with endorphins, which automatically makes you feel happier.

Even a 15-minute walk will give you a dose of endorphins and saturate your cells with oxygen so that you absolutely do not want to reach for forbidden pleasures. Ideally, walk every day for at least 15-30 minutes. This will temper not only your body, but also your spirit.

4. Take a nap or just relax

Good sleep is an essential component of our full life. Remember how you feel when you sleep little? I want to constantly yell at someone, break loose or just eat a lot of harmful things. Sleep deprivation should not be underestimated. This is truly a terrible thing, not only for ourselves, but also for those around us.

So, your prefrontal cortex will only be on guard after your body gets a good night's sleep. Don't expect full protection from volitional crimes if the body wants to sleep.

5. Eat on time

Any disorder for the body is a big stress. What is your body used to doing with stress? That's right - eat! Do you know that even a messy room can lead to weight gain? That is why in order not to create additional stressful situations for the body, you need to eat on time.

Willpower by Kelly McGonigal, courtesy of Mann, Ivanov & Ferber

Kelly McGonigal, PhD, psychologist, professor at Stanford University, author of Willpower. How to develop and strengthen? (The Willpower Instinct), says that the ability to self-control is the response of the human brain and body to sudden impulses and desires:

“Willpower is a person’s response to internal conflict. For example, you are overwhelmed by the desire to smoke another cigarette or eat a larger portion for lunch, but you understand that you can’t do this, and with the last strength you resist momentary weakness. Or you know you need to go to the gym and pay your utility bills that are dusty on the coffee table, but you'd rather sit back."

It took millions of years for evolution to form the prefrontal cortex (a region of the brain located just behind the frontal bone of the skull), which controls absolutely all the processes that distinguish a person from an animal. Assuming that initially the human brain is strong in decision-making and self-control, then how to train self-control and what can be done to improve its “standard equipment”?

For many years it was believed that the structure of the brain is unchanged. However, the results of research conducted by neuroscientists over the past decade have shown that the brain, like a student thirsty for knowledge, is very sensitive to any experience gained: force yourself to solve daily tasks for calculation - and your brain will become stronger in mathematics; learn and recite long poems - and you will significantly speed up the process of memorizing and reproducing information.

For example, adults, learning to juggle, accumulate gray matter in the parietal lobe of the brain responsible for the coordination of movements, while children playing musical instruments have much better fine and gross motor skills than their peers.

Self-control is no exception to the rule. Today, scientists know a huge number of ways to strengthen willpower. Some of you, dear readers, are now probably thinking about temptation traps, like chocolate bars in the dressing room or the minibar next to the exercise bike. Obviously, by resorting to such methods, one can not only develop the ability to self-control, but also temper the nervous system. :)

Today we invite you to familiarize yourself with simpler, but no less effective ways to develop willpower, proposed by Kelly McGonigal and other psychologists.

Willpower depletes throughout the day

A characteristic quality of willpower, according to McGonigal, is its limitation, because each successful manifestation of endurance and self-control depletes a person’s energy reserves:

“By trying to control our tough temper or ignore annoying factors, we draw strength from the same resource.”

A series of experiments described by psychologist Roy Baumeister in his book Willpower: Rediscovering Man's Greatest Strength led him to make an intriguing hypothesis that self-control is like a muscle: if you don't rest it, you will in time, completely lose strength, like an athlete who has brought himself to exhaustion. Some researchers, including Kelly McGonigal, believe that willpower, just like the human body, can be brought up with the help of special training, which will be discussed later.

How to learn self-control and strengthen willpower?

The first step towards self-control is stress management, as their biological bases are completely incompatible. Being under the influence of prolonged nervous tension, a person irrationally uses his energy resources, which negatively affects the work of the prefrontal cortex and aggravates the “fight-or-flight” state. In stressful situations, we act instinctively and make decisions based on momentary conclusions, while self-control requires in-depth consideration and analysis of the current situation.

In this case, how to achieve self-control in a stressful situation? When you feel overwhelmed and tired, take a couple of deep breaths and try to distract yourself from your thoughts - this practice, according to McGonigal, will be a great start in the fight against chronic stress.

2. "I can't" vs. "I don't"

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, one of the ways to improve self-control and strengthen willpower is self-affirmation. A great example is the difference between the impact on a person of using the phrases "I can't" and "I can't."

In the course of the mentioned experiment, 120 students were divided into 2 groups, while one of them had to refuse the proposal using the phrase “I can’t”, while the second had to say “no”, starting the sentence with the words “I can’t”. For example, "I can't eat ice cream" or "I don't eat ice cream." At the end of the study, participants were offered a free treat: a chocolate bar or a muesli and walnut bar. The students, unaware that the experiment had not yet reached its logical conclusion, made a choice and received the desired snack. As a result, 61% of students who answered "I can't" chose a chocolate bar over a muesli bar, while students who answered "I can't" chose a cereal bar 64% of the time.

“Every time you tell yourself 'I can't', you are creating a feedback loop as a reminder of your limitations. This phrase once again emphasizes that you are forcing yourself to do what you do not like.

How to gain self-control? The next time you have to give up something, use the wording “I can’t” so as not to remind you once again that you can’t do something. :)

3. Healthy sleep

McGonigal notes that constant sleep deprivation has a strong impact on the efficient functioning of the prefrontal cortex of the brain:

“Lack of sleep - even if you sleep less than 6 hours a day - is a kind of stress for the body, affecting how your body and brain deplete the available energy resources. As a result, the prefrontal cortex loses control over other areas of the nervous system and cannot protect you from stress.”

Fortunately, the psychologist also says that all this is reversible:

“After a person gets enough sleep, repeated brain scans will no longer show damage to the prefrontal cortex.”

How to improve self-control through healthy sleep? Professor of psychiatry Dr. Daniel Kripke, who has devoted a number of scientific papers to sleep problems, writes that people who sleep about 7 hours a day are much more productive, feel happier and live longer. :)

4. Meditation (at least 8 weeks)

How to keep self-control? According to a study by Kelly McGonigal, eight weeks of daily meditation practice led to increased self-awareness in everyday life, improved attention, and increased gray matter in the corresponding areas of the brain.

“You don’t have to meditate all your life – positive changes in brain function are observed after just 8 weeks of practice.”

5. Sports and healthy eating

How to improve self-control and your physical fitness? Another great way to develop willpower is sports, and it doesn’t matter what degree of exercise we are talking about - whether it’s a walk in the fresh air or a full-fledged workout in the gym. It doesn’t matter to the brain which activity you prefer: gardening, yoga, dancing, team sports, swimming, or weightlifting – in this case, anything that goes beyond a typical sedentary lifestyle increases willpower.

The second independent measure that also needs to be taken is a healthy diet:

“It is best to eat food that can provide you with energy for a long time. Most psychologists and nutritionists advise giving preference to foods that help maintain blood sugar levels at the same level. It will likely take some self-control to start moving in this direction, but any effort you make will improve the functioning of the brain.

Sports and a healthy diet not only strengthen willpower, but also have a positive effect on the well-being of a person as a whole. In particular, during physical activity, the hormone endorphin is released in our body:

“Endorphins minimize discomfort during exercise, block pain, and promote feelings of euphoria.”

6. Healthy Procrastination

How to train self-control, being lazy? :) In the already mentioned book “Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength”, Roy Baumeister explains that a person, repeating to himself “not now - later”, is freed from internal torment, especially when it comes to trying to get rid of bad habits (to For example, eating sweets while watching movies).

Marshmallow Test

In conclusion, I would like to tell you about one fascinating experiment, conducted for the first time in 1970 by Stanford University professor, author of the cognitive-affective theory of personality, Walter Mischel.

The test is carried out to measure the willpower of children aged 4 to 6 years. The essence of the experiment is as follows: a child is brought into a room with a hidden camera and sits at a table on which lies one marshmallow. The researcher tells the child that he can eat it now or wait a while without touching the treat and get another marshmallow as a reward.

In the original version of the experiment, out of 653 participants, more than half succumbed to the temptation and did not shelve the opportunity to eat marshmallows.

How it happens - see the video. :)

The experiment was last conducted in 2012 by psychologists at the University of Rochester.

Kelly McGonigal

Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen

Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen
Kelly McGonigal

Physical health, financial situation, relationships with others and professional success depend on willpower - this is a well-known fact. But why do we so often lack this very willpower: one moment we control ourselves, and the next we are overwhelmed by feelings and we lose control?

Stanford professor Kelly McGonigal, summarizing the results of the latest research, explains how to replace bad habits with good ones, how to stop putting things off until the last moment, learn to focus and cope with stress. Building willpower is surprisingly easy with the McGonigal Method, no matter what you need it for: losing weight, quitting smoking, exercising, stopping checking your email every five minutes, or finding a new job. You have no idea how much you underestimate your abilities!

2nd edition.

Published in Russian for the first time.

Kelly McGonigal

Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen

Published with permission from Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

Book illustrations provided by Tina Pavlato of Visual Anatomy Limited (ch. 1, 5), Hal Ersner-Herschfield and John Baron (ch. 7)

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

This book is well complemented by:

whole life

Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

time drive

Gleb Arkhangelsky

How to get things in order

David Allen

Personal development

Stephen Pavlina

Strategy and the fat smoker

David Meister

This book is dedicated to anyone who has ever struggled with temptation, addiction, procrastination and persuasion to do something - that is, all of us

A smart man wants to control himself - a child wants sweets.

Rumi

Preface. Introductory lesson on the course "The Science of Willpower"

In order to successfully control yourself, you need to know your weaknesses.

How to use this book

Become a Willpower Explorer

Your test of willpower

Take your time

Portal for the student. Self-training

Kelly McGonigal Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen

Preface. Introductory lesson on the course "The Science of Willpower"

In order to successfully control yourself, you need to know your weaknesses.

How to use this book

Under the microscope: choose your test of willpower

1. “I will”, “I will not”, “I want”: what is willpower and why is it important

Where does our will power come from?

Three forces within us

Where does our willpower come from?

How to develop and strengthen willpower?

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Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen