Good afternoon, dear readers! Lies and truth always go hand in hand and it is not always clear where it is better to tell the truth, and where to resort to cunning. Today I propose to talk about whether it is always necessary to tell the truth or there are situations in which a lie would be more appropriate. In addition, we will understand the issue of truth to loved ones and relatives, as well as just colleagues and acquaintances.

Lies and truth in our lives

In life, we face different situations, and in some of them, honesty can definitely make things worse. For example, when a terrible pimple popped up on a colleague's nose, you shouldn't notice it directly and openly, it's much better to just keep silent and not notice. But, for example, lying to a friend that she looks good before an important date will be vile and mean.

Understanding in what situation how to act is not always clear. This is gained with experience and you should not be afraid to blurt out something out of place now. You can easily learn when you can be cunning, and when you really need to be honest and open. Let's look at different situations depending on who you are communicating with.

At work

Sometimes cheating at work helps you achieve the desired result, get the right job or get a raise in salary. But you should always soberly assess what this deception can result in for you in the end.

Try to learn to understand people and their motives, then you will understand with whom you can be honest and frank, and who is better off not talking or cheating.

In the article "" you will find a lot of useful information not only on how to recognize a liar, but also on how to cover up your fiction in the best way. Always look people in the eye. After all, it is the eyes that betray lies best of all.

With a loved man

Here I will tell you right away that frankness, trust and honesty always play into the hands of relationships. Even a small lie at the very beginning of a relationship can do something irreparable in the end.

One woman did not tell her potential boyfriend that she had a child. Of course, it can be understood. She was afraid that he would immediately run away from her. But when they fell in love and he proposed to her, she had no choice but to tell about her son. The man could not forgive the deception. So think carefully about whether your lies are worth it.

In addition, it also happens that you start lying and can no longer stop, because one fiction clings to another. So the husband of my friend first lied that they cut her salary, then she was detained, then something else, but in the end it turned out that he had been sitting without a job for a long time and was just leaving for a friend for a while.

A guy can lie for the sake of profit, saying that I have both a car and an apartment, the girl will believe and start dating him. But sooner or later the deception will be revealed and what will happen next? Will the girl understand that the lie was from good intentions or not?

I advise you never to deceive your loved one. Be honest, be open and try to find compromises if the situation is very difficult. There is always a way out, but it is very difficult to get out of a ball of lies. I bring to your attention the article "". Perhaps, by understanding the reasons, you will find the best way out of the situation and understand how to behave.

Relatives and friends

Here, of course, there is no longer such a clear need to always be frank and honest. There are situations in which, for example, it is better for a mother not to know the whole truth, but you can get by with a short half-truth story so that she does not get nervous and worry once again.

Just before writing a fairy tale for a grandmother or aunt, I strongly recommend asking yourself the question: what do I want to achieve by deception.

Try to find out from yourself why you are lying, try to understand the reasons for other people's lies. This will prompt and help you choose the best tactics for further communication. In this matter, the article "" will be extremely useful to you. The reasoning in the article will be easily applicable not only to the situation of parents - son.

Everyone has their own truth

Do not forget that each person has his own information, his own set of arguments and facts. We must try to understand the other person, and not immediately label him a liar. For a long time, mankind believed that the Earth was flat, remember this.

And never try to convince a person that you are right. This knowledge should be enough for you. Extra conflicts and beliefs usually do not lead to anything good.

So, one of my acquaintances for a long time tried to convince her mother that there is nothing wrong with a relationship with a foreigner. But the mother firmly stood her ground and was not going to agree with her daughter. It's easy to ruin a relationship by trying to prove something, but trying not to quarrel is a useful and important thing.

In what situation do you consider cheating acceptable? When and who should not lie under any circumstances? How often do you resort to tricks and tricks?

Best wishes to you!

"My light, mirror, tell me
Tell me the whole truth…”
Based on the fairy tale "Sleeping Beauty"

The question of whether it is always necessary to tell the truth personally in my life received a new meaning during my grandmother's illness and during participation in the competition. In the first case, at the family council, we decided to tell or not to tell the granny the whole truth about her illness and about the short period that, according to the doctors, she had left to live. In the second case, I was tormented about: “whether to say what I think and observe is real or “coincide with the opinion of the jury”.

The dilemma is not simple. The views of others on this matter differ.

What will win the mind or the heart?

To summarize, we can distinguish the following positions about whether it is always necessary to tell the truth.

1. Everyone has their own truth, so before you say something, you need to think carefully, because most often, even after long disputes, everyone is left alone with their truth.

2. Truth comes from the heart, from the soul. Lies, reticence - from the mind. The choice is up to a person how to live, guided by the mind or the dictates of the heart.

3. Not everyone can afford to tell the truth. Many are afraid of negative consequences, afraid for their own skin. The truth is the lot of the rich and successful, who stand confidently on their feet and depend little on who will behave after their honesty or those who have nothing to lose.

4. Always tell the truth. Any lie is something that requires additional forces from a person to hide any information. You can't fool yourself. A person feels bound by a lie, loses energy, cannot work and live fully. As an example, supporters of this opinion suggest imagining a situation where you need to keep the ball under water. This ball is the truth, striving outward. A person, in order to hide the truth from others, is forced to make certain efforts, but he could spend them on something more useful. To tell the truth is to live calmly, with a clear conscience, not to be afraid that at some stage in life (often at the most inopportune moment) the truth will surface.

5. It all depends on the specific situation - sometimes you can lie for good. Do not tell the child that he is mortally ill?

6. True, false - everything is relative. What to bother about this?

There are many opinions, but choose yourself

Is it always necessary to tell the truth? Specifically to me. In a specific situation. The question hung in the air. What to paint on the columns the pros and cons of truth or lies, silence? Maybe look for the golden mean?

Fortunately, today I am already familiar with system-vector psychology and it is easier for me to make a decision. The main factor is my mental characteristics. Indeed, each of us a priori has a different attitude to the truth. In accordance with its set of vectors.

The priority of pure truth, a painful attitude towards injustice, understatement, dislike of hypocrisy, deceit, pangs of conscience are categories of people endowed with an anal vector. It is important for them, including me, not to tarnish their reputation, not to sin against the truth. “Strength in Truth” is our inner guideline.

People with a skin vector look at what is happening is not so straightforward. They reason logically, determine the reasonableness and usefulness of information, under what sauce it should be presented in order to get the greatest benefit for themselves. The skinners have no conscience, their memory is not capable of storing the events that have taken place in all the details for a long time, they say about them “it flew in one ear, flew out the other”, what remorse is there.

Remorse of conscience is based on the fact that the anal man feels a imbalance in his mental, feels an imbalance and wants to restore it for his peace of mind.

Knowing yourself and your characteristics, you understand that it is contraindicated for an anal person to lie (yes, it should be noted that he does it poorly, it is literally sewn with white threads), while a leather worker can live in peace, go forward with a lie behind him, he is sure of what will get out in case of anything, his dodgy mind will find a loophole and a reasonable excuse for the fact that he was telling a lie. True or not true - this is how you look at it.

A skin-anal person has to find a compromise between the desire to always tell the truth-womb and the desire not to harm his career, not to cut down the branch on which you are sitting in one fell swoop. Unfortunately or fortunately, here I am just one of those who have both a skin and an anal vector. Therefore, when choosing how to behave, one has to take into account the properties of one and the other vector: so that the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe, in order to sleep peacefully at night, without waking up from the pangs of conscience and at the same time, without suffering from the fact that the told truth put an end to my entire career and reputation.
The visual vector adds emotion to the question of whether it is always necessary to tell the truth. Bright emotional performance, vivid emotional experiences.

Instead of output

« I wrote the truth, and in response they accused me of some kind of envy, self-interest. I simply wrote the truth, what I saw and heard, like the rest who chose to remain silent. How is that possible?”

All these indignations are in the past, since I now understand that all people are different and, accordingly, they see and perceive “my truth” in different ways, and it’s ridiculous to expect everyone to support me in announcing the truth in public, not to say nasty things in response. You can calculate in advance: how different people will behave and how they will perceive the truth and whether they need it.

So, if you are faced with a dilemma: is it necessary to always tell the truth - you need to understand what is true and false for you, what meaning these concepts have for your comfortable psychological state, and what meaning they have for the person to whom you are going to tell the truth.

The article was written using the materials of the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

Today we will talk about rudeness. About what they “treat” from in good communicative competence trainings. Ham is the one who tells the truth: to everyone, always, no matter what, not thinking about anything, not applying anything to himself. Ham really dislikes lies in all its forms, deceit, even an innocent one. Ham considers himself a fighter for the truth. And yes, he suffers a lot. Therefore, a boor, as a rule, has shattered nerves and an increased temper.

All the "hotly debated problems" - arose due to the imperfection of the language. This is what Wittgenstein noticed. He called them - "philosophical pseudo-problems". Here I am now - I raise the same. Because you will again object to me: “How is it? Are you questioning the truth here? Are you teaching people lies? No, it’s all from the imperfection of the language, such are your thoughts and objections. There is simply "truth" and there is ... "truth". And it's called all in one word for some reason.

Rudeness and communicative competence. Is it always good to tell the truth

I'm talking and I'm going to talk in the future about ... rudeness, which calls itself the Truth in order to hide its true face.

The psychology of communicative competence teaches...

The psychology of communicative competence, by the way, is also different. Like the truth. One “psychology of communicative competence” (more precisely, that which actively pretends to be one) teaches how to deceive customers and your business partners. I'm not interested. Although I was taught this after spending several semesters and calling things by different names. To hide the true face.

But the “other psychology” of communicative competence teaches how not to be a boor in communication. And that's exactly what it all boils down to.

Therefore, today we will talk about rudeness. About what they “treat” from in good communicative competence trainings.

Why is it rude to tell the truth?

You have brown hair. Your friend comes up to you and says the following phrase: “Oh, no, green hair doesn’t suit you that way. I don't understand why you dyed your hair green?"

What a friend says is not true. Because you didn't dye your hair green. Your hair is chestnut. It is obvious. Therefore, her words will not hurt you. They won't hurt anyone at all.

And here is another situation.

You have brown hair. Your friend comes up to you and says: “Oh, you have such sparse hair. I wonder how you have hairpins on them.”

What a friend said this time, unfortunately, will be true. You really do have thin hair. And not every other hairpin rests on them ...

How to calculate a boor by his favorite phrases

Ham is the one who tells the truth: to everyone, always, no matter what, not thinking about anything, not applying anything to himself. Ham really dislikes lies in all its forms, deceit, even an innocent one. Ham considers himself a fighter for the truth. And yes, he suffers a lot. Therefore, a boor, as a rule, has shattered nerves and an increased temper.

We know that a boor suffers for his rudeness, but a boor thinks that he suffers for the truth.

Here are the favorite phrases of the boor:

• And what did I say wrong?
• What really pricks your eyes?
• No, but that's how it is, isn't it?

Yes, boors love the truth. And sometimes they go very far in this love. Now we will consider one of the genres most beloved by boors, in which they like to express their thoughts and observations, points of view, anxieties and fears - attitudes and complexes. Attention...

Favorite topic of boors: “I don’t understand ... Why do you need this?”

Everyone who wants to sign up someday for a communicative competence training or go through it - for nothing, on their own! Just remember one thing:

Expressed addressing aloud bewilderment“Why does your friend like something (want something)” and even attempts to get something like an immediate justification report for the question asked

• first of all, stupidity
• secondly, rudeness.

A person will never answer your question: “Why does he like something”, if he hears in the intonation of the Questioner - contempt for the subject of his interest, or if he feels from a person - unwillingness (inability) to share these tastes. And often a person himself does not know why he likes something. And don't bother him with questions.

I have a couple of ladies I know. Both of them are periodically situational - boorish, like all of us, living people who closely communicate with each other, however.

One knows how and loves to knit. In general, she knows how to love and animate things, and often knits - scarves, sweaters.

The second loves to buy and re-read children's books.

Both have different life and everyday experience, different skills, different natural talents. Both souls yearn for ... different things. But she (soul) both have and she - yearns. And this is good.

And everything would have been quite good if both had not started an irritated quarrel - barely seeing a hobby they did not understand.

In the described genre “I don’t understand .. Why do you need this?” communicatively incompetent people also resort to their favorite "truth". They can really prove that your "love":

• useless
• harmful
• doesn't make sense
• takes up your time and other resources,
• does not allow to develop "as it should",
• leads away from solving some pressing problems.

Criticizing the knitting of scarves, a pleasant lady rightly and invincibly makes a clear argument: "The whole market is littered with scarves." This is true. But does anyone really need such a truth? .. published.

Elena Nazarenko, Yakovleva Natalia

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

There are times when it seems impossible to tell the truth and not get into a fight, get hurt, or drive yourself into a corner. Partners sometimes deceive each other: they underestimate or exaggerate something, flatter and keep silent. But are lies always harmful?

Lies in the name of good manners

Sometimes, in order to comply with the rules of communication, you have to tell half-truths. If a spouse asks, “How was your day?”, it is likely that he is not really ready to listen to complaints about colleagues and the boss. His question is a manifestation of politeness, to which both partners are accustomed.

When you say, "It's okay," that's just as harmless a lie. You, too, follow the unwritten rules of communication. It would be much worse to constantly tell each other everything that comes to mind. A husband could describe to his wife how good a young secretary is, but it is wiser to keep such reasoning to yourself. Some of our thoughts may be inappropriate, unnecessary, or unpleasant. Sometimes you want to tell the truth, but we weigh the pros and cons before doing so.

Honesty or kindness?

Usually we act according to the situation and say what seems appropriate at a certain moment. You can, for example, draw the attention of a passer-by or a colleague: “Your button is undone” - or you can remain silent.

But do not throw out frank statements like "I can not stand the picture of your parents that you framed and gave me for my birthday."

There are situations when it is inconvenient to tell the truth, but it is necessary, and you have to choose words, intonation and time. The same question can be answered equally honestly, but in different ways.

You only look fat because of your fat, not because of your clothes.

Question: "Why are you against my meetings with friends?"
Incorrect answer: "Because they are all idiots, and you have absolutely no control over yourself, you can drink and do something."
Suitable response: “I'm worried that you might drink. There are so many single men around, and you are so attractive.

Question: "Will you marry me?"
Incorrect answer: "Marriage is not for me."
Suitable response: "I like the way our relationship is developing, but I'm not ready for such a responsibility yet."

Q: "Do I look fat in these bright green jersey shorts?"
Incorrect answer: "You only look fat because of your fat, not because of your clothes."
Suitable answer: "I think jeans fit you better."

Behind the words lies the motive

There are many ways to be honest and kind at the same time. When you don't know what to say or are afraid to tell the truth, it's best to ask for some time to think it over.

For example, you were taken by surprise with the question “Do you love me?”. Do not deceive a person or try to transfer the conversation to another topic. When it comes to something important, it is better to be frank.

Honesty in a relationship is necessary, but not required, such as telling your partner that they smell weird when you make love.

On the other hand, think about it - what happens when you deliberately try to hide something? Are you afraid that if you tell the truth, something bad will happen? Do you want to punish someone? Can't be delicate? Are you trying to protect yourself or your partner?

If you figure out the motives for your dishonesty, your relationship will benefit from it.

about the author

(Jason Whiting) is a family therapist and professor of psychology at Texas Tech University.

Hello friends! Today we have another interesting article in line. And we will talk with you about whether it is always necessary to tell the truth? Well, let's discuss...

No, in general, it's up to you to decide what to say and what not. Even priests have the right only from a position of recommendation to give you advice on how to act in life. The same applies to all specialists in the psychological, psychotherapeutic profile.

True, if a person doubts how to behave, what to say in the conditions of being under investigation, when he has been charged and a criminal case has been opened against him, his lie is the communication of deliberately false information to the investigation. And here, whatever one may say, the law dictates its own rules, and its non-compliance threatens with a completely non-illusory prison.

But even in this case, the choice is made by the person himself. Of course, if the court finds the defendant insane, which means a state of inadequacy and inability to assess the grave consequences of his actions, he can be released from criminal liability, replacing imprisonment with compulsory psychiatric treatment. In all other cases, people understand what they choose. It's about an adult, a reasonable person.

The character and temperament of a person

What, how much and to whom to reveal about yourself is again an individual question. Someone can easily pour out his soul to an unfamiliar person, and someone is reputed to be an eternally fenced and secretive comrade, who does not clarify anything about himself. Still, the moments of life associated with communication, their severity, manifestation depends on the temperament and character of the person.

• Introverts (that is, focused more on inner life than on outer life) are a type of people who especially need communication, outside support, there are individuals who are able to exist autonomously, while not autistic, although a little closed.
• Melancholics (a weak, unbalanced type of temperament), for example, want to communicate, but are often shy. Therefore, some reticence, fear of saying something wrong, excessive reflection (introspection in other words), clumsily expressed lie for such people is not a conscious manifestation of the desire to hide the truth, but is rather a consequence of their self-doubt, inability to vividly express emotions.
• Choleric people (a strong, balanced type of temperament) can, on the contrary, show their feelings too actively both in verbal and non-verbal communication, it can be difficult for them to restrain themselves in some situations and not “blurt out” something superfluous.

Also, frankness and straightforwardness can be expressed in different ways and depending on the character, intellect, and creative abilities of a person. For some, the intricacies of the mind, existence in intrigues (without extreme variants of vindictiveness and suspicion), puzzles of being, the eternal understatement of phrases, a veil of mystery is a lifestyle.

Difficult people, what else to say ...

Difficult people are usually called either people of a subtle personality, touchy, exalted, or extraordinary, conflict, intractable, or people of a creative element: they can include all the qualities of complex people at the same time. In our case, complexity is manifested by good intelligence, because in order to build your own system of puzzles within the framework of normality, you need to have decent mental abilities.

A person has an internal prism of world perception, for the sake of truth it is worth saying that this does not speak of the strength and intensity of the manifestation of intelligence, but only speaks of its presence. Which is already good. But the complexity of the complexity is different. As Steve Jobs said, “True depth and complexity lies in manifesting them through simplicity. That is, the final product of reflections, works should be understandable and accessible to many, otherwise everything else is empty talk and reasoning.”

In general, we are attracted by complexity within the framework of accessibility, so that it is not like out of this world, but real, only cunning and interesting. After all, true innocence and childish naivete, not in children, but in adults, is a sign of infantilism, and not generosity. As well as excessive sophistication is at least a sign of a person's eccentricity.

And someone does not have time for “foxness”, there is no enthusiasm to give birth to fruitless (in their opinion) and unnecessary attempts to look smarter to anyone, to build labyrinths of riddles. They are simple, open, friendly.

So is it worth it to always tell the truth and what to do?

A paragraph about type and character in order to make it clear that it is impossible for everyone to advise the same thing, so that it is clearer that the topic is more complicated than it might seem at first glance. Yes, but not as difficult as it may seem to active lovers of intrigue.

In general, according to the generally accepted sign of a strong personality, spontaneous expression of feelings through speech is one of such signs. A person who is self-confident, feeling and understanding his superiority over others or equality, strives to express his true desires, thoughts, moods without looking back, often uses the pronoun “I”, calmly listens to praise, worthily appreciates himself, that is, he has good self-esteem.

If you need to be ready to resist the opinions of others, to tell the truth in the eye, both about yourself and about others, to call a spade a spade. A strong personality has an active ability to improvise and there is no discord between words and deeds, behavior. Impulsivity without pronounced pathopsychology is also a hallmark of a self-confident person.

No, this does not mean that you need to say everything that is born in your head, I hope everyone understands this. Good manners, restraint are the qualities of self-education, which are already manifested against the background of personal characteristics. If you do not find signs of a strong personality in yourself or find them partially, of course, you should not despair: according to the opinion of European psychologists, “it is better to seem than to be”.

Yes, you can start to act from the end, that is, no matter what kind of person you are, start adhering to the rules of behavior of a strong personality. Express your position actively, without rudeness, reasonably, often use the pronoun “I”, etc.

Unexpressed and driven inside resentment, experiences threaten with frustrations and the accumulation of negative energy. It's one thing if a person, being strong or re-aware of his position, reflects the negative, does not perceive it, transfers everything to the positive area. That is, failure is not fatal for him. And another thing is when a person suffers and eats himself from the inside, being unable to let go of the situation, offenders.

Here it is possible to correct the problem either with the help of Helstat therapy with its awareness of the roots of evil and reacting, or by switching the direction of consciousness and thoughts to another area, as an option, you can learn to tell the truth in the face and respond when necessary, but not in a hysterical form.

We got two positions regarding frankness: when to tell the truth about your life to others and when to tell the truth to someone who wants to tell it due to conflict circumstances. And what to do with the warehouse of grievances, discontent.

If none of the above helps, you can write on a piece of paper everything that does not suit you in this life, in detail, emotionally, clearly and, after watering your monologue a little with tears, release it from your hands in the wind towards the clouds (from a balcony, from some mountain ).

The point is not in a mysterious ritual (which, by the way, is not here), but in the fact that you are on paper, and then outwit your consciousness by slipping it such a “trick” in the form that has been familiar to us since childhood (according to the plots of our favorite films, fairy tales) fantastic point.