Former gymnast and TV presenter Laysan Utyasheva I recently experienced a major tragedy in my life. After she miraculously managed to recover from a severe injury, her mother suddenly died. Zulfiya Utyasheva, which, according to the athlete, was the closest person to her. The celebrity for the first time frankly spoke about the details of the grief experienced in an interview with Peopletalk.ru. She reported that she was very friendly with her mother and learned wisdom from her every day.

“There are different shades of death. When a person dies in a hospital, it is pain and horror. When a person dies of old age, it also hurts, but there is an understanding that he has lived his life. But when you hold in your arms a person who breathed a minute ago, it's scary. You tried everything - artificial respiration, attempts to resuscitate. In madness, I ran barefoot through the snow, because the ambulance could not find our house ... And then - emptiness. I remember falling, that's all. It’s as if you live and don’t live, ”Laysan admitted to the press. She noted that she shared her pain with readers because she wants to save them from depressive thoughts about suicide, which did not bypass her herself.

“When I talk about this tragedy, I hope that people who have lost a loved one and are in despair or have tried to lay hands on themselves will still get themselves out of this state for only one reason: know that your loved one who left , the last thing I want is for you to die. This must be understood with the whole body, with the whole mind, and when the most terrible moment of anguish and agony comes, one must pull oneself together. I realized that my mother would be very upset and she would not like that I was dying. Mom died in March, I realized it by July, ”the TV presenter added.

Utyasheva also said that her husband and father of her two children, a resident Comedy Club Pavel Volya, in every possible way helped her and supported her in a difficult situation. “I had terrible psychological breakdowns. I give birth to Robert, and at the same second, unconsciously, I pick up the phone and dial my mother ... Yes, it's scary. Pashka flies in to me, hugs me and says: "Mas, let's get my mom some." My mother always liked Pasha. She approved of our union. All this was born before her eyes, ”said the athlete.

“Losing a loved one can be compared to your own death. Today's me is a completely different person. No matter how much I smile at my happiness, this imprint will not wash off. It's impossible. I am the happiest wife and mother. But a very unhappy daughter. A little, little girl who really wants to take care of her mother, ”Laysan spoke frankly about her loss.

Related: Photo: Personastars

“You really become yourself the day you lose your parents.”

Henri de Monterland

How to deal with the death of a mother? Talking about the death of someone close is always difficult. Especially when it comes to the closest person. It is impossible to come to terms with such a loss. Mom is support, understanding, care, forgiveness, love. There are no such people in the world, and there never will be. But you must continue to live.

The first step is to realize that each of us at some point buries his parents. This is the natural course of things. And although no advice will reduce the pain of loss, it is important to read the opinion of psychologists on this matter. You must know how to build your life further, what to rely on, where to find an outlet, how to let go.

How to deal with loss?

Regardless of age, the death of a mother always makes you feel like a small child again, abandoned, left forever. He is horrified by what happened, does not understand what to do next. Getting rid of this feeling is not easy.

You need to make every effort to come to terms with reality - mom is no more. Now mom (or dad) is you. Future or present, it doesn't matter. You have already matured, and what happened was inevitable. Sooner or later your mother would have died. Of course, you wanted her to stay with you longer, be happier, not suffer, etc. Most likely, you did not have time to say goodbye properly, did not say or did not do the main thing. You feel guilty. Maybe that's what pisses you off the most?

In fact, when suffering from the loss of a mother, a person is overcome by self-pity. He thinks: “I feel so bad that I won’t see her anymore, won’t hug, won’t talk”, “no one else will love me like my mother”, “I was deprived of the most important support, support, understanding”. Yes this is true. But it is not right to dwell on these thoughts all the time.

It is necessary to direct all the pain in a creative direction. You can get really close with your kids. To give love to the remaining living relatives. Start writing beautiful poetry (or engage in other creative work). Of course, it won't bring Mom back. But it will help to establish peace in the soul.

The opinion of psychologists

Psychologists say that after the death of parents, a person suffers greatly for about a year. Then emotions subside, and interest in life gradually returns.

In order for the pain to really subside, it is important to go through all the stages of “mourning”:

Important. Nature has laid down a natural mechanism for living grief. Interfering with it or neglecting it is fraught with consequences. A person can get stuck at a certain stage, which means sinking into a long-term depression. No wonder our ancestors invited professional mourners to the funeral. They helped me get in the right mood. Therefore, at first, you need to move away from all important matters, take a vacation, send your children to visit in order to cry enough. At the same time, it is categorically not recommended to suppress experiences with alcohol, sleeping pills or sedatives.

Dealing with the death of a mother is very difficult. Doubly hard to do it alone. That is why we have collected advice from those who have coped with such grief. Perhaps they will be useful for you too:

Author's advice. Often, the intense pain of loss is associated with understatement. You did not have time to tell your mother how much you love her, ask for forgiveness, thank you. To get rid of these thoughts, start writing letters. After writing, immediately burn them. You will definitely feel better!

It takes time to get over the death of a mother and let go. Of course, you will never be able to completely forget about your loss. But the day will surely come when you think not “what a pity that mom left”, but “what a blessing that she was”!

Arina, Petrozavodsk

Nature is so arranged that one generation replaces another - everyone is destined to survive the death of their parents. Not everyone can cope with this stress on their own, so the advice of a psychologist on how to survive the death of a mother will be useful to everyone who is faced with the bitterness of loss.

About personal...

I was so busy building a career and finding my own personal happiness that I never thought that I might lose my mother. It seemed to me that my mother was eternal ... But life brought me back to the harsh reality: my mother has not been with me for the fourth year. She died of cancer. And even all three years, while we were fighting her illness, it didn’t fit in my head how the person closest to me could take and disappear somewhere ...

Of course, it seemed to me that I was ready for this loss. I saw her terrible torment in the last days of her life and even mentally tried to let her go, because I read somewhere that at such moments it is better not to hold loved ones with your emotional love and give them the opportunity to go to another world with peace of mind. I understood that separation was inevitable, but when that very day came, it was a shock to me.

The moment came when I felt that I did not know how to survive the death of my mother, I needed the advice of a psychologist like air. For many, this awareness of the need for outside help does not occur immediately, but after a certain time. At me this stage has come after half a year of melancholy.

It would seem that it was time to reconcile, but for some reason it only became harder for me, and I began to collect information that would help me get out of depression:

2. Don't try to speed up the grieving process. Take your time to get your life back on track, give yourself enough time to accept the situation. Don't compare yourself or listen to others compare how long it took someone to mourn. Each situation and each person is individual: some can smile after a week, others remain in apathy for years.

3. Keep the memory of the dead mother. Yes, she is not around, but she will remain in your heart. Write down fond memories of her, keep her favorite little things, learn how to bake a cake according to her signature recipe. Collect stories related to her from her friends and acquaintances. This will help change the pain of loss to a feeling of light sadness and establish a connection with your mother on a new level.

4. Take care of your physical health. Grief is very exhausting and leaves an imprint on health. Allocate 7-8 hours for sleep, eat normally, at least occasionally engage in physical activity.

5. Analyze which moments without your mother hurt you the most. You may have always gone shopping together before. Or go to the cinema on Sundays. Or every evening they had a tea party with their favorite cookies. Make a similar list and try to avoid such situations alone - invite friends, call relatives. Fill the void with communication!

6. Change your usual schedule and hobbies. If you used to meet with your mother on weekends, sign up for yoga classes at this time. Find a new hobby, meet interesting people, visit unusual places in the city.

7. Remember that mom didn't want to hurt you by leaving. Imagine what emotions she would experience, looking at the happiness of her child! Live life to the fullest as if it's watching you from above!

Hello! I am 14 years old. And recently my mother passed away (2 days ago). Yes, of course, thanks to everyone: my dad, my relatives, my girlfriend for their support. They support me, but for some reason I still don’t want to live, I want to die .Tell me, can I get distracted? just run into the forest and die there .... (((
Support the site:

Queen of Death.. , age: 14/23.08.2012

Responses:

Hello dear girl!

My mother died when I was 24, and I could hardly bear it and still experience it.

Let's do it. You can help your mother's soul with a PRAYER for her soul! Now the soul is very hard, it goes through ordeals. We must pray for her! Find on the Internet at least "prayer for the newly deceased." This time.

You are your mother's continuation, a piece of her soul, warmth, love, happiness. Here you go! Be a good girl. First, hold on. Secondly, it is also VERY DIFFICULT for the father, and aunt, and all the other relatives! It is also hard and painful for adults, just like you, and they also do not know how to live in a new world that is empty without a loved one.

Support them to the best of your ability. Especially the father. Men are not accustomed to show emotions especially, but they are also hurt, hard, bitter, empty.

Now you are dad's support, and he is yours! Help in some women's affairs around the house, take care of him, about yourself. Life goes on! There is a time for mourning, but there is a time for new life. From you - study, help around the house, and to the best of your ability - a prayer for your mother's soul! You can ask relatives to pray together...

And remember - tears interfere with the transition of the soul, slow it down ... Do you want this? You are a good, intelligent girl. It will be hard, painful, scary, depressing for you for a long time, but with FAITH and with the help of your relatives you will cope! Hold on!

The same age, age: 27 / 24.08.2012

You can see a psychologist who works with grief (not depression). What can you do to relax? The school year is coming soon, have you already bought notebooks? You probably grew out of your old school uniform over the summer. Choose a new suit for yourself. Take your aunt or girlfriend with you for shopping. Even in the last week of summer, you can get out of the stuffy city into nature: into the forest, to the river. And please keep on living.

123, age: + / 08/24/2012

My sunshine, condolences to you. The death of a mother is an ordeal. You will probably be hurt, sad, hard for a long time. Grief must be endured, endured, grieved. Cry, my dear, grief is relieved by tears. And, of course, pray for mommy. Her soul is alive, she is waiting for your prayers - help mom in her new life. And, of course, you must definitely try to live the way your mother would like: to learn, get a profession, get married, have children - continue your mother's family.

They are written especially for you.
It will get hard, come to the forum: http://www.memoriam.ru/forum/viewforum.php?f=24

Help of God, dear girl.

Elena, age: 55 / 08/24/2012

Now is the most difficult time, every person who has lost a loved one goes through difficult stages of mourning. The main thing now is to pray. And you know, your mother is still next to you, she will never leave you, she will protect and rejoice at your successes. You need to prove that your daughter is smart, that you can handle everything. Support each other with dad, aunt, stay close. I know how hard it is to lose a loved one. But with God's help it gets easier. Go to church, pray, order magpies, submit notes about the repose (if you don’t know how, they will tell you in the church). Continue to live and please your relatives, study, communicate with your girlfriends, you want to speak out - speak, talk with people close to you, please your dad with success, help him. And God will help you, He will give you strength. And your mom will be calm for you that she has such a wonderful daughter.

Kira, age: 08/27/2012

Poor girl! How difficult it is for you! You are too
young, so that such a misfortune overtook you! With Dad
a good relationship? You should be around. Cuddle up to
him like a mother. It’s hard for him too, men don’t
show their feelings. You must be careful and
affectionate to each other, help each other.Do not let
to shut him up, hug him and it will be easier for him.
It will be very difficult for you, kitten! Be among people,
accept any help.

Marina, age: 50 / 08/24/2012

Darling, it's hard for you, but ... it's normal when you grieve, cry
for a loved one. The connection of kindred souls does not disappear anywhere, you
soon you will understand it, you will certainly feel it. Try to take your mind off
OWN grief. You have one grief for all! Help the departed soul: she
gone to eternal life! What will this life be like? - depends on you too!
Read prayers, the Gospel, order magpie, put candles in the temple for
for her and for all her loved ones. Help around the house: it's hard for everyone, but things are
anyway, someone has to do it. Try your best to study
honestly perform their duties, become kinder and better. Let mom
rejoices to see you from heaven! Do good in memory of a loved one
man. You will definitely feel a quiet joy! hold on
Darling!

Elena Ordinary, age: 35/24.08.2012

Dear girl.
If you think about suicide, it won't make mommy feel any better.
Be sure to pray for her. It would be very good to go to the Orthodox Church and submit a note.
And you always believe in the Lord, pray, go to church with your dad. Only with faith in the soul will you find solace.
Pray in your own words to the Mother of God, tell Her about your experiences, She will definitely help.
If you pray diligently for mommy and try to be kind yourself, go to church, fulfill the Commandments of God, then by God's grace you will meet there.
God bless you, dear girl!

Victoria, age: 08/18/2012

Accept my condolences.
I’m also thinking: maybe go out of town away from the bustle of the city? In any case, it helps me and helped me in difficult moments of life, even in the most difficult ones. Leave more often. And try to distract yourself with shopping.

Stefanida, age: 35 / 08/24/2012

Hello dear girl, on July 27, 2012, my only son died, he was 17, I’ll write to you what saves me, maybe it will help you, type life after death on the Internet, there are a lot of things written there, and I believe my son is alive. And your mother is also this there is a lot of scientific evidence. For example, Professor Gnezdilov has been doing this for 30 years and he believes in life after death. And we will believe in it.

Natalia, age: 40/08/24/2012

Someone asked me what kind of relationship I have with my father. How can I tell you he has a wife, that is, my stepmother and a little harmful daughter, who constantly freaks out when I even just call dad just dad, I don’t talk about when we hug. His wife is also constantly jealous, calls him the sun, hugs him, and I didn’t like it. And I told my dad to tell her that I didn’t like it: “she said, well, she’s already an adult girl!” But she stopped calling him that. And now she started again, in my opinion, on purpose she does this knowing that my mother has died, she puts pressure on me. Well, for example, we are sitting today, she comes up to him and says: Oh, honey, something doesn’t melt my meat? ”And then she comes up to me and asks what do you want to cook. Well, I see that he’s sucking up. And my dad is not a conflict person. To be honest, I’m a little embarrassed about my dad because we haven’t seen each other for almost 6-7 years. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old. And after that he was constantly in business trips and then completely moved to live in another city. and now there he found himself a new wife. Of course, he came to me once a month, maybe in two months, and then for 2-3 days only ... for a maximum of a week or two .. because his wife was waiting for him there .. ((and how can I teach stepmother, that is, explain to her that my dad??? Tell me please. Ready to hear any answers)

Queen of Death.. , age: 14/24.08.2012

Leave everything as it is... Your dad also wants to have his own personal life... And all women, one way or another, rivals, that's all.
Look after yourself a good guy, already more or less an adult, homely, and slowly build relationships with him, do not rush with intimacy.
You will be patient for 2-3 years, and then you will sign up and live with a guy. Girls usually do not live with their parents, they almost always fly away from their parental nest.
Maybe you can talk to your dad, and he will let you live with a guy even earlier.
In general, do not go in cycles in dad, and build your personal life. What happened just makes you an adult earlier. And if you die, it will turn out that your mother's life was wasted in vain, but she spent it on you ... So that you live and continue the race.

connoisseur, age: 37 / 25.08.2012

Your dad, of course YOURS! No need to share it with his wife. He knows that you love him, your daddy, and he loves you, his daughter. The relationship between a man and a woman and the relationship between parents and children are not the same thing, there is no need to compare. We need to love each other and not conflict with others. Or you can try to talk to adults about everything that worries you, don’t accumulate resentment in yourself, talk to your dad and aunt, don’t be shy .... You are a smart girl and everything will be fine with you

Kira, age: 08/27/2012

Hello! The main thing is to sit around less, in such difficult moments it is important not to become limp at all, no matter how difficult it is, communicate with loved ones! When my stepfather died at the age of 14 (he was like a father to me), I talked with a friend, with my mother (she needed support, because for her this is the same loss as for me) .. I didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere, don’t with whom to communicate, I forced myself to do it, it became at least a little easier! God help!

Vadim, age: 55 / 08/26/2012

I am 14 years old, my mother also died, then I was 11, I understand you very much, now you feel very bad, but you need to hold on, you need to live. Of course, you will remember her all your life, and you will always love her, but not you need to think about suicide, it's a sin.

Angelica, age: 01/14/2017

Previous request Next request
Return to the beginning of the section

Recent requests for help

18.02.2019 I'm very tired ... eternal debts, problems and only ..

18.02.2019 I hate myself and my only dream is to die.

17.02.2019 I can't do anything. Problems with studies, with parents, with weight - with everything. What am I living for? Life has no meaning.

Read other requests