How to live in harmony with yourself?

life proves that you can never be better than your opinion of yourself - that is, your self-esteem based on a sense of agreement with yourself. It is mostly unconscious in nature and has been programmed into your subconscious since early childhood.

Positive self-esteem is not only an intellectual acceptance of one's talents or achievements. This is personal consent. Developing positive self-esteem is not selfishness. You simply understand that you are a truly unique and worthy person, a person who does not need to impress others with his achievements or wealth. In fact, a person who constantly boasts exhibits one of the classic symptoms of negative self-esteem.

At first glance, many people seem to have a positive self-esteem. But it is not always the case. One of the tragedies of our time is that many leaders, teachers, inventors, artists - people who have made a huge contribution to the development of mankind - suffer from low self-esteem. Some of the most respected historical figures became drug addicts, alcoholics, or even committed suicide just to get rid of a self that they disagreed with and often hated.

Developing positive self-esteem is not just a way to become a happy person. It is the foundation upon which all life must be built. If you hope to find freedom, you must take this task seriously, otherwise you should expect that low self-esteem will worsen over the years, and you will join the tragically large number of people who now sit at home and feel sorry for themselves.

In order to relate what you have learned to your behavior pattern, it is important to know how low self-esteem develops and how it manifests itself in others. Then you will be able to understand what should be done to move forward.

Start over.
There are three main reasons for low self-esteem:

The first is a series of defeatist concepts, beliefs, and values ​​that you adopted from your parents.
. The second reason is the list of mistakes and failures characteristic of a person, compiled in school years due to false and distorted concepts of teachers.
. The third reason is a negative religious upbringing with its excessive emphasis on guilt and unworthiness.

There are many other factors that cause low self-esteem, but these three are the most important.

The strongest determinant of the emergence of feelings of guilt in childhood is low self-esteem in our parents. This is especially true of the mother, the person with whom we usually spend our most memorable years. Because most adults act out of false principles, values, and beliefs, it is passed on to children like a contagious disease through behavior and reactions. If parents consider themselves in any way inferior and inferior to others, children feel unworthy and as a result are unable to cope with the simplest problems at home or at school. In essence, the parents' false judgments become "facts" of the children's experience.

The following will help you understand how this happens.

When you are born, your brain is no larger than one eighth of an adult brain. By eighteen months, this difference is reduced to one-half, and at the age of five, the brain size of a child is five-sixths of that of an adult. It is the fastest growing organ. During a period of rapid growth, known as the “accumulation period,” your brain receives key impressions that help shape your behavior patterns. It is easy to understand that if at this time one of your parents or both suffer from low self-esteem, it is easily absorbed by the impressionable mind of the child.

It all starts when you make your first mistake and you are called a "bad girl" or "bad boy". You misinterpret these words and consider yourself "bad" when in reality only your actions were "bad". Considering yourself a “bad girl” or “bad boy”, you identified yourself with your actions and did not understand that they are just your chosen means of satisfying your primary needs and in some cases your choice is wrong and unacceptable. If the child does not learn to understand this, he will consider himself irreparably bad and he will develop a sense of his own unworthiness and second-rateness, which will be programmed into his subconscious. This feeling will manifest itself in succession in shame, self-contempt, remorse, and, worst of all, in a sense of guilt.

Low or negative self-esteem develops further with derogatory comparison of the child with others. When parents compare a child with a brother, sister, and especially with someone outside the family, his rudimentary sense of his own inferiority grows and strengthens. He compares himself to children of the same age, whom everyone admires, and suffers from his imaginary flaws. The child believes that others are more powerful, self-confident and more popular, and as a result, he is filled with a destructive sense of inferiority. If parents softened their criticism with encouraging phrases like “this should not have happened to such a nice boy like you”, then such a reaction in many cases could be prevented.

Another parenting mistake- lack of understanding or recognition of the uniqueness of their child. Most parents pay little attention to the feelings, desires, and opinions of their children, bombarding them with such remarks as “the child should be seen, but not heard” or “father / mother knows best what to do!” They perceive disagreement either as a personal insult or as an open disrespect for themselves. This behavior is due to low self-esteem and manifests itself in the need to always be right. Such parents believe that only their children have problems, when in fact both they and their children have them.

Here's one disturbing fact: many parents live indirectly through their children. Having decided that their child should have everything that they themselves secretly aspired to and that they could not achieve, they ruthlessly push him to the goal, regardless of the limits of possibilities. They want their own unfulfilled dreams of success to come true. Of course, this is done at the expense of the child. Such parents do not understand that a child cannot live up to their unreasonably high standards simply because they have not developed—or perhaps do not even have—the emotional, mental, or physical abilities necessary to do so.

Appearance becomes one of the causes of low self-esteem much more often than it is customary to think.
A large number of children face physical, intellectual and emotional difficulties because of their unusual or abnormal appearance. By constantly focusing on this and convincing themselves that they are “too fat”, “too tall”, “too slow”, etc., children develop a deep sense of inferiority, which later can be difficult to overcome.

Some parents highly value money and wealth. The child identifies with these values ​​and falls into the shackles of a hoarding lifestyle that requires him to constantly struggle and intrigue. He often marries for money and pays dearly for what he gets. As a result, as the saying goes, "spends money he doesn't have on things he doesn't need to impress people he doesn't know." As materialism destroys the child's sense of self-worth, he is drawn into the pursuit of wealth, compensating for feelings of inferiority.

Overly bossy, caring or indulgent, they turn their child into an emotional cripple. Deprived of the motivation to face life's situations with confidence and dignity, he procrastinates and chooses the path of least resistance. Lack of self-confidence gives rise to feelings of inferiority, and this in turn forms the basis for low self-esteem.

Contrary to popular belief, a system of education based on reward and punishment is a guarantee of low self-esteem. The child should be allowed to take the initiative and make as many mistakes as necessary to learn the lesson without being punished for them. Having learned from their mistakes, the child will most likely never repeat them. He will understand: whatever you do, you will either earn a reward, or you will face the consequences of your mistakes. And the sooner the better.

The most detrimental thing about interdependence is that our low self-esteem passes from one generation to the next. Studies have shown that tragic suicidal tendencies are inherited. It is not difficult to understand that if low self-esteem is transmitted from parent to child, then in some cases its manifestations can go to extremes.

By infecting children with our feelings of inferiority, we seek to infect everyone else with whom we come into contact. If our position allows us to influence others (take, for example, a teacher or a preacher), we spread disease to those who look to us as leaders or as a source of inspiration. People intuitively feel a lack of self-esteem and inevitably begin to adopt some of the qualities that they associate with us. I have given advice to hundreds of people who suffered from a lack of self-confidence and, as a result, were unable to successfully navigate life situations. Each of these was the result of having low self-esteem developed at home, at school and/or under the influence of a negative religious upbringing.

Low self-esteem has many forms and manifestations. They can be described as the means and habits we develop in order to elude the demands of everyday life. This is an alibi that allows us to temporarily avoid reality. The destructive power of our addictions is directly related to feelings of inferiority and fear of ourselves. We hide behind our alibis, masking the low self-esteem that we do not want to show to others.

The main tendencies of a person with low self-esteem:

Complaints and accusations. We blame and complain about others because we refuse to accept that we ourselves are responsible for everything that happens to us. It's much easier to shift the blame to someone else than to say "that's my problem" or "it's me who needs to change." A person who has become in the habit of complaining and blaming others for his failures feels inferior and tries to strengthen his position by belittling others.

The search for the culprit. We hold other people guilty of not accepting or agreeing with our value system. We compensate for our feelings of inferiority by trying to make ourselves right and them wrong. Notice how often we blame people for things we don't like about ourselves. In judging their actions, we are essentially saying, “I don’t like myself when I do this, so I can’t let you get away with this behavior.” We strive to blame those around us for precisely those weaknesses and mistakes in which we ourselves are most guilty - this is a psychological truth.

Need for attention and approval. Many people have a craving for attention and approval. They are not able to understand and evaluate themselves as worthy and full-fledged individuals. This leads to a constant need to hear that they are “okay” and that they are appreciated and understood.

Lack of close friends. People with low self-esteem tend to have no close friends. Feeding hostility towards themselves, they become either “loners”, living separately from the rest, or adhere to the opposite pattern of behavior and become aggressive and assertive, critical and demanding. Neither trait is conducive to friendship.

Aggressive need to win. If we are obsessed with the desire to always win or be right, then we usually suffer from a desperate need to prove it to everyone around us. We are trying to highlight our achievements. The impulse that drives us is to gain the recognition and approval of other people. The goal, then, is to "be better" than the neighbor.

Excessive self-indulgence. People who feel dislike for themselves cannot live in peace with themselves and usually try to satisfy their needs by replacing landmarks. Feeling left out and offended, they seek spiritual and physical "opium" that dulls the pain. They overeat, take drugs, drink, or smoke excessively for temporary physical satisfaction that dulls their emotional anguish and desperate need for self-approval. Excessive self-indulgence compensates for feelings of self-denial. This self-attitude temporarily delays the meeting with reality and the growing need for change.

Depression. We become depressed when we are completely disappointed in ourselves and in our ability to achieve what we want from life. We feel inferior and unworthy by not doing the things that we should have done, in our own opinion or in the opinion of other people. The collapse of life plans and the constant worry of justifying our own expectations and the expectations of others lead us to an extremely low level of self-esteem.

Divorces. Many divorces are the direct result of low self-esteem in one or both partners. Most often, those ties break up where one partner feels a constant need to control the other, dominate him or completely possess him. The constant search for guilt leads to bitterness and resentment, usually combined with deep feelings of inferiority, insecurity, and a desperate need to love and be loved.

Greed and selfishness. Greedy and selfish people experience an all-consuming sense of their own inferiority. They are at the mercy of their needs and desires and are ready to satisfy them at any cost in order to somehow compensate for the lack of self-esteem. They rarely have the time or desire to care for others, even the people who love them.

Uncertainty and procrastination. Low self-esteem is often accompanied by a fear of making mistakes. Doubting the ability to do what others expect of him, a person usually does nothing at all, or at least postpones action for a long time. He refuses to make a decision because he believes he is incapable of making the "right" choice. Another personality type in this category is the perfectionist. He is close in character to the type described above, but always feels the need to be "right." At the heart of his behavior is also a deep self-doubt. He insists that he is above criticism, and therefore may consider himself "better" than those who do not fit his criteria of perfection.

Self pity. Self-pity, or the "poor me" syndrome, comes from our inability to take control of our lives. We consciously give ourselves at the mercy of other people or circumstances. We are being pushed in one direction or another. We allow people to upset, hurt, criticize and anger us because we are addicted and love attention and sympathy. Many people rejoice in their illnesses, because there is great strength in weakness. After all, people around us begin to pay us such a desired attention and are ready to serve.

Do you think that it is impossible to be happy while remaining yourself? Every day you think about how good it would be to look different, act differently, have a completely different job and a wonderful life partner like your friend? Unfortunately, you will not be able to engage in personal development until you learn to accept yourself with all the flaws and calmly work on them. Read on and you will understand that being in harmony with yourself is not so difficult.

Steps

Appreciate who you are

Be confident. Confidence is the first step to happiness. It is much easier and more comfortable to be yourself if you are clearly aware of your strengths. Write a list of the things you love about yourself, whether it's independent thinking, ethical conflict resolution, or silky hair. Here are some ways to become more confident:

• Think about the compliments you receive. If people often say that you are a good friend or admire your ability to keep everything under control even in difficult situations - most likely, there is some truth in this.
• Appreciate your uniqueness. Just think - you speak four languages, you can stand on your head or instantly establish contact with other people. Not everyone can do it!
• Write down at least 10 things you like about yourself. It's simple, uplifting, and helps you focus on your strengths.
• Objectively assess your weaknesses. Every person has them, but if you feel insecure about your whole being, most likely you are just worrying for nothing. Make a list of what makes you feel uncomfortable and analyze which of these items are actually completely pointless and baseless.

1. Recognize your shortcomings. Confidence is the key to success, but if it blinds you, you won’t be able to figure out what traits of your character you need to work on, you won’t perceive yourself adequately, and thus you can become a rather unpleasant person for others. What to do?

   • Accept constructive criticism. If someone is rude to you or insults you, do not pay attention to him. But if your friend, parent, or co-worker politely hints that you could do something better in yourself, like learning to listen to people or becoming more attentive, heed his advice.
   • Write a list of things you want to change about yourself. Pick a few of your biggest weaknesses and develop a plan to fix them. For example, if you feel too selfish, make time for charity or helping those in need. If you feel like you're suffering from narcissism, try talking less about yourself the next time you meet up with friends.
   • Learn to treat yourself with humor. No one is perfect, and if you can joke with your friends about your own weaknesses, such as not being able to clean up the room or being constantly late, you will show that you do not take yourself too seriously. Don't forget that despite the jokes, you can mentally make notes for your "improvement list" and work on the flaws. So, if you're always late, try leaving 15 minutes early and maybe you'll end up on time.
   • Forgive yourself. Let's face it, we've all done things we're not proud of. Perhaps you said hurtful words to friends, cheated on a partner, or made a mistake at work. Whatever it is, come to terms with the fact that you did wrong and analyze why it happened, but do not dwell on the mistakes of the past. If you live in the past, you won't have time to build a brighter future.

2. Be grateful. Don't forget how lucky you are to be yourself. If you think too much about your shortcomings and the things that don't suit you in life, you won't really experience the beauty of being yourself. Here are some tips:

   • Value your health. If you are a generally healthy person who can move around, eat and sleep independently, be thankful for it! For many people, their whole life is ruined due to poor health, and if you are not one of them, just realize how lucky you are.
   • Be generous. Sign up to volunteer, donate clothing or food to charity, and do whatever you can for those in need. Be a generous friend, child, sibling and partner and make your loved ones happy.
   • Always thank people. Try to always say "thank you", whether it's to the bartender for a good cup of coffee or to your father for his lifelong support. Say "thank you" for different things at least 5 times a day!

3. Don't forget to laugh. Laughter is a panacea for all ailments, and it is worth making sure that there is always a place for it in your life. No matter what situation you find yourself in, never forget to make some time for laughter every day. Not only will you feel better, but you will also live longer. Here are some tips to help you laugh at least once a day:

   • Just act stupid. Tell a banal joke or dance without caring about grace. Why not?
   • Watch a comedy or comedian perform. It will lift your spirits and make you laugh.
   • Hang out with fun people. Laughter is contagious!
   • Don't go a day without laughter. If you feel down all day, play with your pet, watch your favorite funny video, or listen to a funny song. If you have to force yourself to laugh, do it!

   enjoy the way you look

   1. Love your body. A good relationship with your own body is a big step towards a happy and joyful existence. When you start paying attention to what you eat and how you load your body, you will surely feel a change in self-perception, not to mention appearance. Here's what you should try:

      • Go in for sports. It is not necessary to become an exercise maniac and sculpt the body of a professional athlete. Just do a 30-minute workout a few times a week to boost your energy levels, increase muscle endurance, and improve your overall well-being. Try yoga, ride a bike, or join the soccer team. Find the right sport for you and stick with it.
      • Eat right. A balanced menu will help both body and mind. Your diet should include fruits, vegetables, enough protein and carbohydrates. It's okay to indulge in occasional fast food or ice cream, but the high amount of processed and fatty foods can make you feel tired and lethargic.

   2. Love your face. It's hard not to bump into your own reflection a million times a day, unless you live in a cave. Therefore, life is much easier if you enjoy looking at it. Get rid of complexes and learn to love your appearance. Here are some tips on this topic:

      • Focus on the features you like. It's okay if there's something about your face that you don't like, but try picking one or two features that you really like, like big eyes or full lips. Notice their beauty every time you look in the mirror.
      • Take care of your skin. Wash your face several times a day and apply a lotion or moisturizing toner that suits your skin type to keep it healthy and radiant - this way you will be much more pleased to look at your reflection. If you like wearing makeup, do it!
      • Smile! The more you smile, even if only at your reflection in the mirror, the more benevolent and pleasant your facial expression will be in general.

   3. Wear clothes that you like. Clothing can completely change the way you perceive and feel about yourself. If it is dirty or does not sit well on you, this can significantly spoil the mood. A few wardrobe tips:

      • Buy a few things that you really like. Just as loving your plump lips will help you change your attitude towards your face, good jeans, a nice sweater or a trendy scarf will help you feel good about your own body. It is not necessary to change the entire wardrobe, just a couple of things are enough to diversify and improve your style.
      • Don't forget about accessories. If you are a girl, the right jewelry or handbag can perfectly complement the look. If you're a guy, consider a nice belt or watch.
      • Experiment. Even if you have a long established style, it never hurts to try something new and get out of your comfort zone. Put on green pants or a bright t-shirt to feel refreshed.

   enjoy what you do

   1. Appreciate your work. Adults spend most of their time at work, and if every day at the workplace is a burden for you, this can greatly affect your mood in life. Try to enjoy your work by following the tips below:

      • Concentrate on those aspects of the profession that you enjoy. Sure, we all have to do boring and uninteresting things sometimes, but find something in your job that brings you joy, such as meeting new people, learning specific skills, or being able to travel.
      • Maintain good relationships with colleagues. Try to get to know and connect with those you work with. At first it may seem that you have nothing in common, but working with friends will become much more fun.
      • Appreciate what the job gives you. When times are tough, don't forget that work gives you the opportunity to buy food, take care of your health, and, if you're lucky, go on vacation.

   2. Enjoy your hobbies and interests. It's important to have hobbies outside of work so you have a reason to look forward to the weekend and become a more whole person. Here is what you can do for this:

      • Develop the creative part of your nature. Try writing a poem, a song, or a picture. It doesn't matter if you don't do well, as long as you enjoy it.
      • Learn a new language. This will help you feel more erudite and will help you in your job search.
      • Take up team sports. A sports club will provide you with good physical activity, as well as help you make new friends.
      • Read the news. Information about what is happening now in the world will expand your horizons and make you an interesting conversationalist.

   3. Get your daily routine in order. Routine can ruin your life even if there is complete order in all other areas of it. Don't know how to organize your day?

      • Plan your morning so that it does not pass in a hurry. Set aside time for a full breakfast and checking the news so you can get to work on time afterward. If you can't find your shirt in the morning, forget important papers at home, and get stuck in traffic, it's unlikely you'll have a good day.
      • Leave time for yourself every day. Even on the busiest and heaviest days, try to find some free time. You can read a book during your lunch break, watch your favorite TV show before bed, or wake up early and meditate to find peace.
      • Don't overwork. Go to bed at around the same time each day so your body gets used to the routine. Don't stay up late - you don't want to be sleepy and lethargic the next day, do you?

   4. Know when it's time for a change. If your old hobbies no longer give you pleasure, and work has become hated, it may be worth changing something in your life. Here are a few signs that tell you that you need to make a radical change:

      • If you hate your job to such an extent that you feel sick every morning at the thought of having to go there, and in the evening you cry on the way home, you should think about finding a new one.
      • Remember that money can't buy happiness. You can make millions and still feel worthless sitting 80 hours a week in a crappy office. No amount of money is worth your peace of mind.
      • If old hobbies no longer interest you, look for new ones. Have you been running marathons enthusiastically for the past ten years and now you're struggling to avoid training? Relive your passion by tweaking the program, and if that doesn't work, find a new one. Breaking old habits in no way characterizes you as a lazy weak-willed person, you just listen to your body and mind.

   Appreciate those around you

   1. Appreciate your friends. No matter how much you love yourself, this love needs to be shared with someone. Having good friends will boost your self-esteem and help you feel useful. Here are some tips for communicating with people around you:

      • An old friend is better than two new ones. Don't give up on old friends. They have known you the longest and can offer the most appropriate advice when needed. Be grateful for strong friendships that last for years, and be sure to let these people know how much they mean to you by keeping in touch.
      • Work on relationships with people. No matter how busy you are, you can always find some time to make new friends. If you meet someone you're interested in, don't be afraid to invite them over for a cup of coffee to get to know each other better. Pleasant acquaintances can make you much happier, especially if you have recently moved and do not yet know anyone in a new place.
      • End toxic relationships early. If you have people around you who constantly make you feel miserable, or who are so overwhelmed with negativity that there is no chance for you to keep a good mood during meetings, it may be worth cutting off communication with them. Old friends are important, but not if they affect you negatively. Learn to say no.

   2. Appreciate your relatives. In most cases, family is the people who have done the most for you throughout your life. It doesn't matter if you live with them or in another country altogether, try to maintain a good relationship.

      • Love your parents. Try to give them more time and don't forget to remind them how much you love them. Thank them at every opportunity. If you were too independent and stubborn in your youth to thank them for something they did for you, it's never too late to catch up.
      • Maintain good relationships with brothers and sisters. Remember that they can become your best friends. Even if sometimes it seems to you that you live on different planets, there is still a strong connection between you - you grew up in the same place, with the same parents.

   3. Appreciate your partner. It may happen that you are completely satisfied with relationships with friends and family, but the place in your heart is still empty. Love is an important component of life, which greatly affects the worldview.

      • If you have a loved one, never forget how lucky you are. Some people spend their whole lives looking for a soul mate. If you have already found it, everyday remind yourself and her how much this relationship means to you. This will help keep the romance alive.
      • If you're not in a serious relationship and you're dating a lot of people, enjoy it. Do not dwell on the search for the Ideal, enjoy communicating with others and go on dates with people you like. It can be exhausting, but with a positive attitude, you are more likely to find the right person.
      • If you are single and not looking for anyone, that's okay too! If you don't want to date anyone at this point in your life, whether it's because of a busy work schedule or recovering from the painful end of a previous relationship, there's nothing unacceptable about that. Don't worry about all your friends dating someone and you not - think for yourself and make your own decisions.

   4. Learn to forgive. It is difficult to enjoy communicating with a person if you harbor a grudge against him in your heart. Forgiveness is one of the main keys to a happy and healthy relationship.

      • If someone hurts you, try to look at the situation from his/her point of view. Perhaps they did not want to hurt you at all, or they simply did not think clearly at that moment, especially if the quarrel occurred during a difficult period in their lives. Try to understand why the person did what they did.
      • Learn to accept apologies. If your friend, father, or partner is genuinely remorseful, accept their apology. Don't hold grudges. Being stubborn won't help you solve a problem or make you happier.
      • If you were wrong too, apologize in turn. If you had a fight with a person, it's very likely that you weren't an angel either. In most quarrels, part of the blame lies with each side. Curb your pride and apologize too.
      • Not everything can be forgiven. If a person has done something so terrible that you cannot continue to communicate with him, do not overpower yourself. For example, if you cannot forgive your partner for cheating, end the relationship. Some things just can't be fixed.

   Enjoy local activities. Attend concerts, cinemas and come to the opening of new institutions. This will also help develop love for your city. Subscribe to the newsletter so you don't miss anything interesting.

4. Travel around the area. If you know there's a beautiful waterfall or canyon within a two-hour drive, head there on the weekend. You will appreciate the area where you live much more if you see what natural wonders it has to offer.

5. Love your area. Participation in the life of the area will help you feel part of society and relieve feelings of loneliness.

   • Go for a long walk. If you live in a safe place, take a walk when you need to clear your head. Pay attention to sights and beautiful places. You might even discover a coffee shop or restaurant you've never seen before - who knows, it might become one of your favorite places in the future.
   • Get to know your neighbors. Don't be an outsider, making friends with people who live nearby can be very rewarding and rewarding. You will have someone to look after the cat and water the plants when you go on vacation. Or maybe you will find a best friend among the neighbors.
   • Take part in activities. Attend community meetings, become a member of a book club, sign up to volunteer to clean up the park, and get involved in the life of the city in every possible way - this way you will feel like a part of the community.

6. Love your home. Loving the city and the area won't be enough if you hate coming home. It is much easier to be happy when you feel safe and comfortable at home. If you do not know how to make your home more comfortable, follow the tips:

   • Get out promptly. You may not even suspect how much the well-groomed house affects our mood. The point is not to clean every corner every day to a shine, the main thing is just to maintain order and cleanliness.
   • Surround yourself with things that you enjoy. Fill your home with photos of your loved ones, souvenirs from memorable trips, or pictures of beautiful places that bring you joy.
   • Get rid of the neighbors who poison your life. People often underestimate the harm from objectionable roommates. If you live with a person who constantly makes noise, clutters up the house and is rude to you, it may be time to find a new neighbor. If your partner annoys you in everyday life, such relationships are also unlikely to end well.

7. Time for change! Sometimes the country, city, or even the house itself can really not suit you and plunge you into despondency. In this case, it is better to find a new place of residence instead of suffering, trying to come to terms with the current one. A few examples:

   • If you hate your neighborhood because it's noisy, dirty, and unsafe and you can afford to move, go for it.
   • If your house or apartment is infested with cockroaches or rats that you can’t get rid of, or you just feel unhappy every time you return home, this is also a reason to think about moving.

• Don't compare yourself to other people. This rarely leads to anything other than frustration. Instead of focusing on other people's virtues, focus on your own.
• Respect other people.
• Try to always help others as much as possible. Feeling worthless increases self-confidence, and it also makes you aware that many people are doing even worse than you.
• Do what you love at least once a day. It doesn't matter if it's listening to a song you like or dancing in pajamas in your room.
• Envy poisons life. Don't be jealous of your friends, and don't forget that they are also likely to be jealous of you in some way. Turn envy towards the strong character traits of loved ones into reasonable admiration.
• Be social. People like spontaneous conversations and jokes. The main thing is not to overdo it.

Warnings

• If you've tried everything and still feel unhappy, consider seeing a specialist - you may be depressed.

"In order for humanity to develop, an appeal to Gandhi is inevitable. He lived, thought, acted and inspired with his vision of humanity, one that is evolving towards a world of harmony." - Martin Luther King Jr.

Peace is not just a concept for hippies! To live in the world means to live in harmony with oneself, the people around and all living beings around. Living at peace with oneself can be seen as an inward and outward process. Outward is a way of life in which we respect and love each other regardless of our religious, cultural and political differences. Inwardly, we must look deep into our minds and hearts to recognize the fear that drives us to violence, because as long as we ignore the rage within us, the storm raging outside will never stop.

While you yourself can find ways to achieve peace with yourself and the universe in accordance with your beliefs and lifestyle, there are some basic provisions that cannot be ignored if you are looking for harmony. For example, one should not be cruel, one should be tolerant, hold moderate views and accept life as a miracle. This article contains some tips that will help you on your path to discovering inner harmony, because this is the path for which only you are responsible.

Steps

Strive for love, not control over others. When you stop striving to control people and events in the world, you will take the first step towards a peaceful existence. An attempt to control people is nothing more than the desire to impose their will and reality on them, not wanting to look at the situation through their eyes. This controlling approach will keep you in conflict with those around you. Replacing the desire for control with love for others, despite their shortcomings and differences, is the path to a peaceful life.

• Think about the world, not about power. Gandhi said that power based on love is a thousand times more effective and durable than power gained through threats. If you are used to controlling other people with threats, they will obey out of fear, not out of respect or concern for you. This is a non-peaceful way.
• Learn the skills of negotiation, conflict resolution and persuasive communication. These essential constructive communication skills will help you avoid conflict or get out of conflict. Not all conflicts, however, can be avoided, and not all conflicts should be avoided, but one should be able to behave in a conflict situation. If you do not feel confident in this area of ​​relationships, read more on this topic. Clarity of message is essential to ensure peace, as many conflicts arise from misunderstandings.
• When communicating with others, try to avoid commanding tone, moralizing, threats, or intentionally soliciting information. Any of these forms of behavior can become a cause for conflict, as people will feel that you are trying to control them, and not talk to them on an equal footing.
• Be sure that other people around you can live a happy life with equal starting points. Based on this, even advice carries a tendency to control, because giving advice, you interfere in someone else's life, and not just expressing your opinion, not expecting that the person will do as you think. Swedish diplomat Dag Hammerskold once said: "Because he didn't know the question, it was easy for him to give the answer." When we give advice, we assume that we know the whole essence of the problem, but in fact, we hardly know this, which means we pass the situation through the prism of our experience. But it's much better to just support a person than to impose your experience as an "answer". In this way, you will cultivate peace, respect and confidence in their intelligence, and not insult and rejection.

1. Reduce your beliefs. When you think in extremes and are convinced of something without taking into account the views and opinions of others, you cannot live in harmony with the world. This type of extremist thinking usually results in abrupt, thoughtless behavior that lacks thoughtfulness and self-reflection. While this may seem convenient as it allows you to act with confidence, it blocks other realities of the world and can easily lead to conflict with people who don't share your beliefs. It is much more difficult to remain open to perception and willing to reconsider your beliefs, but it is more valuable because you will grow as a person and live in harmony with the people around you.

   • Moderate your extreme beliefs, be willing to ask questions and rethink the facts. Accept the fact that your beliefs, beliefs, desires, and opinions are no different in value from many other beliefs, beliefs, desires, and opinions in the world. Follow an ethic of moderation that values ​​human dignity and essence, follow the one true extreme - treat others as you would like to be treated (Golden Rule)
   • Find a variety of activities to do if you feel like you are going to extremes in your relationships with people. It's hard to be intolerant when you have a lot to do and need to interact with a variety of people.
   • Develop a sense of humor. Humor is the disarming spell of the peace fighter. Fanatics rarely have a sense of humor because they are too busy taking themselves and their beliefs too seriously. Humor helps ease tension and show the repressive tendencies of extremist thinking.

2. Be patient. Tolerance in all your thoughts will change your life and the lives of those around you. Tolerance towards other people is manifested in the ability to accept the differences, the pluralism of modern society and the willingness to live oneself and let others live. When we fail to be tolerant of others, we end up with discrimination, repression, cruelty, and violence. The practice of tolerance is the foundation of a peaceful existence.

   Be peaceful. Gandhi said: "There are many things for which I am ready to die, but there is not a single thing for which I am ready to kill." A peaceful person does not use cruelty and violence against another person or animal (reasonable being). There is a lot of violence in the world, but it is your choice not to let death and violence be your philosophy of life.

   Analyze. This is very important, since many hasty reactions lead to tragic consequences, because in a hurry not all possibilities can be taken into account. Naturally, there are situations in which quick action is necessary to ensure safety, but this does not justify many other cases in which careful thought might lead to a better result.

   • If someone has hurt you emotionally or physically, you should not respond with anger and cruelty. Stop and think. Make a peaceful choice.
   • Ask the other person to stop and think about how anger and violence cannot solve problems. Just say "Please don't do this." If they refuse to stop, just remove yourself from the situation.
   • Stop yourself. If you feel like you're about to respond in a way that shows your anger, frustration, or annoyance, tell yourself "Stop." Remove yourself from the situation that gives you confusion and inability to reflect. By giving yourself space, you will also give yourself time to get over the initial anger and replace it with thoughtful solutions, one of which is not responding.
   • Practice reflective listening. Spoken language is not very accurate, and sometimes people under stress say things that hide the true meaning. John Powell said, "In true listening, we seek beyond words, we try to see through them the person. Listening is the search for the treasure, which is the person expressing himself verbally and non-verbally." The importance of reflective listening for achieving peace is that you stop seeing the person only from your side and try to get to the bottom of what the person really says and means. This is more effective than questions and guesses.

3. Seek forgiveness, not retribution. What does the principle of "an eye for an eye" lead to? Usually to the fact that many go blind. Pointless and painful, if we take into account the lessons that history teaches. No matter where we live, what religion we follow, or what culture we belong to, at our core we are all human, with the same ambitions and aspirations to provide for our families and live life to the fullest. Our cultural, religious and political differences must not become a bone of contention and cause conflicts that can only bring sorrow and destruction to the world. When you feel the need to harm another person because your reputation has been damaged or because you feel that their actions deserve the same cruel reaction, you cultivate anger, violence, regret. Replace it with forgiveness, in an attempt to live at peace with yourself and those around you.

   • Live in the present, not the past. When you think about how things should have been and relive past pain, you do not let go of the past, but provoke a constant internal conflict. Forgiveness allows you to live in the present, look forward to the future, and leave the past behind. Forgiveness is the greatest victory because it gives you the opportunity to come to terms with the past and enjoy life.
   • Forgiveness lifts and frees you from resentment. The point of forgiveness is to learn to deal with the negative feelings that result from the action that made you angry or sad. Your task is to learn to accept them, not to suppress them. And forgiveness makes you sympathize with the other person, understand what motivated them. You don't have to accept what they did, it's enough to understand it.
   • Realize that masking your anger as "defending someone's honor" is offensive. First, it deprives those you are "protecting" of their autonomy (and this in turn allows them to be helpless), and second, it is a cruel excuse to do harm. If you feel that someone's honor has been hurt in a certain situation, allow the intended victim to speak up (they may see it in a different light than you) and seek a solution through forgiveness and deep understanding.
   • Even if you feel that forgiveness cannot be granted, that is no reason to resort to violence. Instead, step back and be a better person.

4. Find inner peace. Without inner peace, you will always feel conflict within yourself. Trying to fill your life with objects, or raising your social level without being able to stop and listen to yourself, will make you constantly feel unhappy. When you crave something that you don't have, you are in conflict. It is very easy to forget to be grateful for what you have if you are constantly striving to improve your wealth, career, home and life. In the same way, excess wealth causes a similar conflict, because by owning a lot, you will be forced to follow the "needs" of your things, whether it be repairs, cleaning, insurance, and security.

   • Re-prioritize and decide what makes your life brighter and better, and discard the rest.
   • When you're angry, find a quiet place to stop, take a deep breath, and relax. Turn off the TV, tape recorder and computer. If possible, get out into nature, or take a walk. Put on some soothing music and turn off the lights. When you regain your peace, return to your life.
   • At least once a day, spend ten minutes in a quiet place, such as in the shade of a tree or in a park, anywhere you can sit quietly and have no distractions.
   • Living in peace means more than just the absence of violence and cruelty. Try to cultivate peace in all aspects of life - try to reduce stress. When possible, stressful situations such as traffic, crowds, and the like should be avoided.

5. Live in joy. The choice to accept life as a miracle is the antidote to violence. It's hard to be cruel to what seems beautiful, wonderful, amazing and joyful. Indeed, the greatest despair that wars bring is the destruction of innocence, beauty and joy. Joy brings peace into your life because you are always ready to see the good in people and in the world and are grateful for the wonderful manifestations of life.

   • Do not deprive yourself of the right to happiness. Feeling unworthy of happiness, worrying about how others will perceive your happiness, and fearing the horror that awaits when happiness ends are all negative thought patterns that can prevent you from finding joy in life.
   • Do what you love. Life is not only your job. While work is what helps you make a living, you need something to express yourself in the world. Fitch Nath Khan said: "Do not live with a vocation that involves cruelty to people and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of the opportunity to live. Choose a vocation that will allow you to express your ideal of compassion." Decide for yourself how literally you are ready to take these words, and strive for work that helps to lead a peaceful lifestyle.

6. Be the change you want to see in the world. Not just like that, we turn to the experience of Gandhi. There are many active ways to help you become the change you want to see in the world.

7. Expand your understanding of the world. You are free to choose your path. Everything you read in this article is just a suggestion. You should not follow this as a dogma, this is not an attempt to impose thinking on you, take it like any other text. In the end, the choice to live in the world will be your own, conscious decision, based on your aspirations and views from all over the world, from all the people you have ever met, as well as from your own conscience and knowledge. Go in peace.

   • Keep learning. This article has only touched the surface of what is a deep personal and world necessity. Read as much material as you can on the topic of peace, especially about peace activists and practitioners, you can learn a lot from them. Share your knowledge with others and spread the teachings of the world wherever you go.
   • If you are looking for approval in others, you will not find your life - this is the way of your restructuring in accordance with other people's desires. Instead, accept yourself for who you are and live in love with yourself and those around you.
   • Accept the fact that some people will not be able to accept this and will not help you, because they do not help themselves. One should look at such a person with compassion, fear and hatred are not needed here, but also one should not act according to their desires. Be polite, firm and kind to such people.
   • If you or your children are asked to dissect in class, look for alternatives to such harmful action. There are adequate alternatives.

   Warnings

   • Peace "at any cost" will lead you to slavery or destruction. There are people among us who adhere to an extremely aggressive ideology of military and totalitarian systems. They can coexist peacefully, but not without inner wariness.
   • Learn about nutrition if you decide to go vegetarian. It is necessary to follow a certain nutritional strategy in order to provide the body with the necessary elements.

To be a good person means to be in harmony with yourself.
Discord is the need to be in harmony with others. Oscar Wilde

One of the most important conditions for stable happiness is being in agreement with yourself. Consent with oneself brings harmony and peace to the soul of a person, allows him to feel at ease in any situation, to live exactly the way he wants.

What does it mean to be in harmony with yourself? Consent with oneself is a complex sense of self, which includes agreement with oneself present, past and future. In other words, looking back, you do not regret anything, making plans for the future - you understand that these are your desired goals, formed not under the influence of someone's requirements or stereotypical beliefs, not because it is so fashionable or because “everything do." When making decisions in the present, you listen to the opinions of others, but make the final decision yourself, confident that this is the most correct for you of all possible.

Let's take a closer look at what is included in agreement with oneself? What should one strive for in order to live in harmony with oneself?

1. Being at peace with yourself means knowing exactly what you want and doing what you want without hesitation. To know what you want, you need a very good understanding of yourself, your temperament, life experience and what can bring true joy.
2. Being in harmony with himself, a person acts, adhering to his own system of values, without changing it under the influence of other people or fleeting events. He enjoys the way of life that he leads, recognizes the significance of his achievements without regard to others, without the desire to compare himself with others. Consent with yourself relieves anxiety and anxiety, thanks to an understanding of the correctness of your value system for you, a balanced, conscious approach, mature, moral standards that you are guided by.
   
3. The degree of agreement with oneself is assessed by how much what you have, what you do, what you have is useful to you and what is not. To do this, sometimes you have to give up previously set goals, realizing that these are not your plans and dreams. But it helps to open up to new horizons, namely yours.
4. A person who lives in harmony with himself can look back into his past without regret, reproaches and self-flagellation, because he understands that all events, all decisions that he made earlier, even if not the best ones based on today's understanding of them, served one single purpose. - his personal growth, spiritual enrichment, gaining invaluable life experience. There would be no obstacles, wrong turns on the path of life - there would be no incentives for a better understanding of oneself, one's true values ​​and needs. There are no difficulties - there is no development either, some truths can only be learned through personal experience. And in the end, everything that happens is for the best.
5. A person who lives in harmony with himself sets himself realistic goals in the short term. You can want a lot, but you need to correctly assess your strengths and set achievable goals for the near future. Listen to yourself, but do not contradict the existing reality.
   
6. To be in harmony with oneself means to be attentive to bodily reactions on this or that event: they help to make the right choice. And for this you need to be able to distinguish impulsive reactions from genuine ones. For example, some body reactions are associated with a reaction not to the current situation, but to the one that was before. But insofar as it was then very traumatic, the avoidance reaction is triggered. henceforth all similar situations. And then a person can lock himself in a narrow comfort zone, afraid to expand its boundaries. It is necessary to learn how to assess how the current reaction of the body reflects exactly what is happening and, based on this, make the right choice. In general, a person who lives in harmony with himself feels cheerful, has a good appetite, easily falls asleep and gets enough sleep.
7. To be in harmony with oneself means to make decisions independently according to one's own principles, to be responsible for one's decisions and to give up the senseless desire to blame others for one's failures.
8. To be in agreement with yourself means to accept that not all of your actions and decisions will please your environment, to act in spite of possible resentment, disappointment and misunderstanding on the part of loved ones and not so people.
9. A person who, in agreement with himself, will not impose his point of view on others, because he appreciates and respects not only his own right, but also the right of another person to be in agreement with himself. And because in order to agree with himself, he does not need such an additional condition - an obligatory agreement with his point of view of others.
10. To be in harmony with ourselves also implies that sometimes we deviate from this state. Sometimes it is the awareness of one's troubles that helps to return to oneself again, to be oneself. To be a man, and not a sinless god, means learning to live, knowing that we make mistakes and will make mistakes, correcting mistakes, admitting mistakes, but maintaining friendly relations with ourselves, understanding and accepting everyone.

Be in harmony with yourself.

Live in peace with people

(self-knowledge lesson for 6th grade students)

Value: Love

Qualities: kindness, understanding, seeing the good in everything

The purpose of the lesson: deepen the understanding of the value of mutual understanding, of the responsibility of each person for establishing peace and harmony in relations between people.

Tasks:

- disclosure of the importance for a person of the desire to be in good relations with people;

- developing the ability to find mutual understanding with people;

- cultivating the desire to be kind and sensitive towards other people.

During the classes

positive attitude

Teacher: Guys, imagine a clear summer day. You are in a sunny meadow. You have silk grass under your feet. Bees buzz peacefully over the flowers. Transparent air freely penetrates the lungs, saturating the body with peace and tranquility. A light breeze gently caresses the skin, sorting through the hair. The skin becomes smooth, clean and elastic. Hair absorbs the force of the breeze. The warm sun gently touches your body. The light of the sun flows into all the cells of the body. The cells of the body are saturated with vitality and joy. The golden solar vitality permeates the skin, organs, and tissues of the body. The power of the sun restores your body, makes it healthy, resilient, beautiful, joyful. You see light fluffy clouds against the blue sky. These are clouds of health and happiness. Your body, saturated with sunlight, becomes lighter and lighter. You rise to the clouds and plunge into one of them. You feel how soft, fluffy, light and gentle the cloud is. A gentle pleasant cloud easily penetrates your solar body, saturating it with peace and happiness. The cloud gives your body health and harmony. Happiness penetrates your body, saturating it with radiance and beauty.

Lesson topic announcement

The teacher reads a poem that prepares students for the perception of the topic of the lesson.

Nikolai Rylenkov

When we are young, we forgive ourselves

Judging others with a ruthless judgment.

Remembering our mistakes, we promise

That everything will be fixed somehow later.

And life goes on. Her ways are hard

And old age will exact all our debt to fate.

We will be ready to forgive everything else

And we won't forgive ourselves!

Participation in the conversation helps students to see the range of issues that are important for establishing peace and harmony between people.

The teacher asks questions:

What does it mean to live in peace with people?

Why is it important and necessary to live in peace?

What is necessary to establish peaceful relations with the surrounding people?

Is it possible to live in harmony with oneself? What is required for this?

Can you get along with the people around you? How do you do it?

What do you do when you find yourself in conflict with someone around you? (student answers)

Teacher's comment: Guys, today we will talk about the responsibility of a person for his actions, about the fact that we need to learn how to live in a big world of people

Teacher's story: The bitter smell of wormwood

(Excerpt from the story) Sain Muratbekov

(see Self-Knowledge Textbook for Grade 6, pp. 73-77)

An excerpt from the story shows how respect for a person develops, how naturalness, the desire to sincerely help causes a good attitude from others.

Then questions for discussion:

What impression did Sadik make on you?

What can you say about Esikbay?

How did Ayan justify the first impression he made on the guys?

Why did no one want to quarrel with Ayan?

Why did Ayan win universal sympathy?

Can first impressions be deceiving? (student answers)

Creative activity

This task focuses students on the application of acquired knowledge and skills in real life. By completing the task, students will understand that for good, good deeds, special conditions are not needed, you just need to be attentive and sensitive to the people around you.

To achieve the best result, the teacher divides the students into 2-3 groups.

Each group demonstrates a scene according to the script.

Write a short script on the topic “Make friends with the neighbors”. In the scenario, think about what can be done to bring together adults and children living nearby, offer some kind of business that will interest everyone. Knowing that there are people in every home who need help, suggest how we can work together to help them. Act out the scene.

Analyzing the results of the work of each group, the teacher notes how correct the chosen methods of bringing neighbors together were, whether the cases invented for the general participation of all neighbors were relevant and useful. You can offer to try to implement them in practice and tell us about the results in the future.

Study Information

The teacher invites one of the students to read the information in the heading “Learning new things”. Students' reasoning, conclusions. made during the discussion of the story are confirmed by this educational information, in which, in a concise form, they revealed important details of the relationship between people, the conditions of peace and harmony between them.

Each person can live in peace with the people around him. It is important to remember that both the manner of speaking and listening contribute to this, but the main thing is a benevolent attitude towards people, the desire to understand them and help them. The main condition for a peaceful neighborhood with other people is kindness, reasonableness in actions, the ability to forgive.

positive statement ( lesson quote)

We cannot live only for ourselves. Thousands of threads connect us with other people; and through these threads... our actions become causes and return to us as effects.

Herman Melville

How do you understand the meaning of the saying of the American writer?

Homework: Task 3 workbook

Look at the pictures (fire, drowning man, girl lost at school, slipped man). What will you do if you witness these cases? Write about your actions using the names of objects or actions that are necessary in these situations.

Final minute of the lesson: Guys, remember what good and new you learned in today's lesson. Share with everyone a piece of your happiness, love and kindness: mentally say how much you love your family, your friends and all people.

Thanks guys for the lesson!