The cause of misunderstanding between the older and younger generations can be any trifle, but sometimes serious circumstances arise. In any case, it is necessary to correctly assess the situation, convey your position to the opposite side, and listen to their arguments.

Why do parents get into conflict?

Most relationship problems stem from inhibitions. The older generation limits the younger in desires, actions and means. Having more experience, they understand that the actions of young people are not promising, not real, or even dangerous to life and health. Of course, both sides can make mistakes, but you need to understand that experience is a lot.

If parents do not agree to something, you need to analyze why this is happening. It may seem that they are doing this out of spite, but in fact there are more compelling reasons. For example, they understand that some actions are dangerous. Sometimes they realize that they will spend their energy, money, but they won’t be able to achieve something, and sometimes they foresee trouble. Imagine yourself in their place, analyze what guides them. Find out what fears or limitations are pushing them into conflict.

You can ask mom and dad to explain to you the reason for their displeasure, but be prepared to listen to them calmly, and not go over to shouting or resentment. Usually they are ready to provide a detailed answer, but not every child can hear and understand it. But it is this knowledge that helps to come to a compromise.

How to resolve conflict

The very first and most effective way to resolve conflict is to admit that you were wrong. Even if you don't think so, say it out loud anyway. Sometimes it will even be appropriate to apologize if you have said too much before. Such actions will force adults to listen to your arguments. And start explaining to them with reason what you want, why you don’t fulfill their requirements, and what results you expect. If the conflict is due to lack of cleaning, then you simply cannot find reasons that will justify you, and having recognized it, you will have to keep order. If you want to go somewhere, but they don’t let you go, you will need to tell what kind of trip, with whom it is, which guarantees your safety.

Since you know the claims of the parents, you heard them, all your words will be aimed at reducing their excitement, reducing anxiety. Find an excuse for all their fears. Be persuasive and don't raise your voice. Talk about how the solution to this issue affects your self-esteem, success in life, relationships with friends. But do not put pressure on pity, but state the facts.

Calm and reasonable conversation is a sign of adult communication. Parents will see that you are capable of such communication, that you can be responsible for your words, that you control behavior, and this will help resolve the issue.

Resolution Action Program conflict may include several stages: highlighting the conflict problem; search for solutions to neutralize it; development of a permit procedure; implementation of the conflict resolution plan; assessment of the correctness of the decision.

Isolation of the problem of conflict. The first step is to recognize that there is a conflict. Do not think that everything will resolve itself, but, without wasting time, correctly identify the problem that led to the conflict. The technology for determining the problem is as follows. The conflicting parties must express their point of view on the problem. Only those teachers or parents who are directly involved in the conflict should be included in such a dialogue. The participation of members of the conflicting groups must be voluntary and conscious. The most difficult role is for the person who undertook to resolve the conflict. He will act as an arbitrator. And for this it is necessary to move away from personal predilections and interests and observe from the outside. The main purpose of the participation of such a person is to identify the factors that each of the parties missed, analyze them and give them a competent assessment.

Search for solutions to neutralize it. After identifying the conflict problem, a joint search for its resolution begins. Here the position of managing conflict resolution is more subtle. It is necessary to encourage the participants in the conflict to make statements about the proposed ways out of the current situation. It is important to take into account the fact that in a situation of conflict, people do not like it when their proposals are evaluated. They are more active in producing ideas if they are not waiting for evaluation, especially from outsiders. It is very important to choose from the proposed ideas one that would take into account the opinions of the two parties and satisfy their requirements.

Development of a conflict resolution procedure. The existence of a conflict is recognized by all participants. Here it is important to work out the “rules of the game”: who, when, in what composition and where will discuss unresolved problems. The main thing at this stage is to stop fruitless disputes. It is important to work out criteria for a positive resolution of the conflict and to set deadlines for its resolution. Deadlines must be agreed upon and accepted by all parties to the conflict. All stakeholders are involved in this action.

Implementation of the conflict resolution plan . The main action at this stage is the immediate start of conflict resolution after the parties have agreed on it. If you hesitate, the parties begin to suspect each other and the "resolver" of the conflict situation of insincerity and swindle. It is useful to involve informal leaders of the team in conflict resolution, having previously clarified their position on the issue being resolved. There are such leaders in every parent community.

Like any activity, the implementation of a conflict resolution plan can be successful under the following conditions:

* creating an atmosphere of cooperation;

* the presence of understanding of all participants in the conflict;

* translation of the conflict from an emotional state into a rational one;

* taking into account the individual characteristics of teachers involved in the conflict;

* neutralization of sluggish processes of the conflict, assistance to its resolution;

* search for optimal methods of conflict management;

* regulation of relations between the parties to the conflict;

* the use of intra-school information in the withdrawal of part of the claims from the conditions of the conflict;

* designation of one's position - an impartial judge.

Evaluation of the correctness of the decision. At this stage, the effectiveness of the actions of the members of the conflict situation is evaluated. The most important thing is to make sure that the maximum number of participants is sufficient. It is hardly possible to achieve complete agreement, there will always be one or two people who disagree with the decision made. The most important criterion is the end of the conflict. After the successful implementation of the decision made, it is useful to return to the discussion again and find out whether this decision suits the majority of the parent team or not? If not, why, what prevents its implementation. If the majority is disappointed in the decision made, it is necessary to make a new one, having gone through all the above stages. The teacher should be bolder in making a new decision and not be afraid to change the situation. “The road will be mastered by the walking one!”. I would like to end the conversation about conflicts in the school environment with the words of the great Roman thinker, politician and orator Cicero: “Every person is prone to make mistakes, but no one, except a fool, tends to persist in his mistake.”

Parents may or may not agree with the requirements of the school, may accept them partially. The main thing in the interaction of two institutions - the family and the school - is that any wrong step does not hurt the main participant in possible conflicts or parental claims - the child.

How to find a common language between parents and teachers?

ADVICE OF THE EXPERIENCED TEACHER

To parent notebook

❀ Try to see teachers not as rivals, but as comrades-in-arms.

❀ Remember - parents are not teachers, they need the help of a teacher.

❀ Be genuinely interested in your child's school problems.

❀ Always try to support teachers in the eyes of the child.

❀ Do not use the information received about the conditions of upbringing in other families.

❀ Tell the teacher about the sides of your children's character that are hidden from them.

❀ Remember - the main principle of the joint work of the school and the family is "Do no harm!"

❀ If you are persuaded to conflict, think about where this will lead.

Note to grandma and grandpa

❀ Prompt your children that it is better to solve any business peacefully.

❀ Try to go to school with the parents of grandchildren.

❀ Encourage parents to be involved in class activities.

❀ Use your wisdom in preventing emerging conflicts.

❀ Try not to get involved in the conflict, even if it is initiated by your daughter or son-in-law.

How to stop bad relationship with mother How to resolve a protracted conflict between mother and adult daughter? Questions often asked by psychologists.

How to behave when there is a conflict, a bad relationship with your mother?

My problem is this: my parents divorced when I was 2 years old. The father left the family. Since childhood, I hear that he is a bastard and all that. My mother accuses me of being like him and a bastard like him. I no longer have the strength to listen to this, I practically did not communicate with her for several years, but this does not save her, she finds ways to get me and reproach my father for all the sins. Tell me, why is it my fault that I was born? I am 38 years old, I have an adult child, and I do not know how to behave with my own mother. This is bothering me, please help me figure it out. Thank you in advance. Tatiana.

Bad relationship, conflict between mother and adult daughter - what to do?

Questions: "What to do with a bad relationship with the mother and how to eliminate the conflict with the mother?" - ambiguous - therefore, the best option is to ask them in a dialogue, correspondence with a psychologist. , or

Why do they arise and continue conflicts between parents and adult children; what are the true causes of confrontation and confrontation between close and dearest people; what needs to be done to solve - we will try to answer these and other questions in this article.

Causes of conflict between parents and adult children

The problem of fathers and children is eternal, but in modern society it can be solved by understanding and realizing causes of conflict between parents and adult children and learning how to conduct a constructive dialogue to build relationships.

In order to understand and understand the causes of conflict situations in relationships between parents and adult children, you need to go back to the past and take a look at how parent-child relationships were built; what mistakes were made in raising a child when programming a life scenario, the future of a son or daughter; what styles of family education were used; whether punishments and rewards for children were used correctly by parents, and most importantly: did the parents love their child, or only regretted it, treating him as a helpless victim, because of which, already from an early age, a psychological game according to the Karpman triangle could form, which, perhaps, continues to this day, already in relationships between parents and adult children leading to constant conflicts, confrontations and confrontations.

After that, you can establish good, conflict-free relations between parents and adult children.

Who is to blame for the conflict between parents and adult children

In any confrontations and confrontations, including conflicts between parents and adult children, each side tries to blame its opponent for the relationship problem: the parent blames the grown-up child for dislike and disrespect; adult children blame their parents for everything ... the situation is a dead end, often repeated and leading to nothing good.

First of all, each of the participants in a dispute or conflict, including wise (as it seems to them) life experience, parents who are impeccable and unmistakable in their views and judgments, and adult children with their modern views on life and the world as a whole, need to look for the source of the problem in relationship in itself, and not in the opposing, conflicting side.

Parents need to understand that adult children, son or daughter, are independent and unique individuals who do not have to live and act in accordance with parental desires, expectations and needs.

Adult children, of course, should respect and honor their parents, but should not expect them to understand modern views, life values ​​and priorities ... each generation, and indeed, each person, has his own worldview and understanding of himself, other people and the world in in general.

Both parents and adult children, understanding and feeling not only themselves, their desires and needs, but also another person, no matter whether he is a parent or a child biologically, excluding any hint of egocentrism and youthful maximalism, will be able to achieve instead of empty, destructive competition in interpersonal relationships , constructive dialogue and cooperation, mutual understanding and mutual assistance.

It is necessary to destroy, along with the negative game, the stereotype of constant conflicts, confrontations and problems in the relationship between parents and children, the stereotype of "Fathers and Sons".

For starters, you can understand the rules of behavior in conflict situations, including, conflicts between children and parents.

How to solve relationship problems between parents and children

To solve relationship problems between parents and children, resolve the conflict situation and establish good relations on the basis of cooperation and constructive interaction, it is necessary to convene a "family council" ("round table") and start an adult, business and constructive dialogue on an equal footing.

Those. Parents need to “turn off” their mentoring, mentoring, overprotective and patronizing attitude towards their adult children. And the last, stop treating parents as obsolete, not understanding anything in modern times, with preconceived views on life of the ancestors.

Of course, at first, in building relationships and conducting a constructive dialogue, you may need the help of a psychologist, or another intermediary authoritative for both parties.

However, if the participants of the "round table" have rather mature personalities, then they can try to come to a common denominator and cooperation in the relationship between adult children and parents without an intermediary.

The main thing is that: both parents and adult children have a desire for close, friendly and respectful relationships with each other; to live without conflict and rivalry, but by cooperating and helping each other.

Your interpersonal, conflict-free relationships are in your hands...