So, what is it that you need to give a man so that he falls in love with you?

I often ask this seemingly simple question on various relationship forums. To my surprise, among the numerous answers, I do not find a single one that would even be partly true. Where women make such conclusions is completely incomprehensible to me.

Here is some of them:

The most common explanation for the cause of love is external types. Here, they say, if you outwardly fell into the type of a man, then everything is a scribe, he is yours forever! If he rushes on sharp knees, then the owners of knees of a different shape - with this man there is absolutely no chance, some say.

To this I will say the following. Do not confuse baits and hooks. Lures help us attract a man when he appears somewhere in the distance, but no lure, no matter how delicious it is, can keep this same man! Let's really look at things: already after six months, as you live together, you no longer notice the external advantages and disadvantages of your partner. It doesn’t even always seem to you that your spouse is beautiful, and sometimes in a drunken company you can ask your friends a question: “Listen, tell me honestly, well, this is ... mine ... how is she in general? Pretty?" Well, you must admit, it happened!)) Let's discard the issue of appearance right away. I ask how to fall in love with that man who is already next to you.

Another common misconception is the assertion that you need to give a man everything he needs, and then he is at your feet. Will lie and whimper. And often such women also add on their own: “And if he didn’t do this, then he’s just an asshole and a goat, he didn’t notice that I tried so hard for him and gave him everything he needs.” By "Everything that he needs" women usually mean serving a man faithfully in the kitchen, in business, and at home, pleasing him in bed, and running to him at his first call. And where, then, did these millions of “good” wives come from, from whom their husbands left for another woman? And it’s not a fact that a woman cooks or looks better. More often, quite the opposite happens.

By the way, I don’t even want to touch on the topic of the kitchen. The expression about the way to the heart of a man was invented by the men themselves, moreover, opportunists who are simply comfortable that a woman, obsessed with the idea that someday they will love her, begins to try. I also like to go to restaurants with good food, but, nevertheless, the items on the menu do not force me to live in this institution, love its waiters and double the bill. And by the way, how to explain the large crowds of people in establishments with poor service and terrible food? As a rule, fights, breaking dishes and dancing on the table often occur in such establishments. Do not know? Guess! The reason is the same!

Another opinion: "You need to be yourself." Well, well ... When a man studies your inner world, views on life, he will like it all so much that he will lose his head forever. Well, wait, wait.

The previous statement can also be attributed: “Love sincerely and prove it to him!”

I immediately remember one of my bespectacled admirers, who carried my briefcase for two years and accompanied me home after school. And in the evening I ran on a date to a local robber who taught me to smoke and swear.

Sex. This version is also found quite often, so often that sometimes it seems to me that women are more concerned about men themselves. There is an opinion that if you allegedly show him in sex such that he will get goosebumps even on his heels, then for you he will be ready for anything, even attach x% to the battery and jump out of the window. Sex is just mucus rubbing. Yes, it can be pleasant and even very pleasant, but this cannot make a man love you and pull you into the registry office. And by the way, you know cases when they fall in love with those with whom the man had no sex at all. Personally, I know of many such cases. They even gave it a name - platonic love. But what about the passionate love for rock stars? Remember the Beatles. What happened because of love at their concerts!

Be smart, intellectually developed and be able to keep up the conversation. “What a great friend and companion I have found for myself!” the man will say and pat you on the shoulder. “We need to meet with you more often, you have something to talk about!” - does not remind you of anything? Truth? You have already had such situations when, having read tabloid manuals, you take a man to intellectual conversations, delve into his past, make him open his soul to you, and after all this he takes a vase for a friend in a skirt. Not surprising.)

All sorts of love spells, conspiracies and more. Well, it's actually mystical!

There were opinions that all men are different, and in accordance with this, he needs completely different things. And now attention! All men want the same! Just what exactly, women do not even guess.

Now I have a question for you. Tell me, please, dear young ladies, what, in your opinion, makes an inveterate bachelor, who until the age of 40 claimed that he would never marry, pull his girlfriend by the hand to the registry office? What makes an adult wealthy man leave his wife, who was with him from the student's bench, shared grief and joy, helped to achieve success; what makes him divorce for the sake of an eighteen-year-old saleswoman? What makes men love calculating and cold bitches. What do they all give them???

And I will answer you.

Once upon a time, the same woman who shared grief and joy was also a girl. Her eyes burned, she was bright and cheerful, sometimes eccentric and quick-tempered, and because of this, it was fun and interesting to be with her. And he fell in love with that girl. And now she has become an aunt. Tormented, tired and overweight. And the eighteen-year-old saleswoman helped him remember both that girl and that carefree time when he was young and stupid.

So, a man needs to be given a completely banal thing - vivid emotions! It is precisely thanks to emotions that you can easily fall in love with yourself and absolutely anyone. I'm talking about the feeling that knocks off the brain, which makes a person mentally ill, blind and inadequate. I'm talking about the feeling that makes you sell your own apartment and give your beloved a pink convertible, because once, while leafing through a magazine, she accidentally mentioned that this was her only childhood dream that did not come true.

To make a man fall in love with you, you need to bring him to various vivid emotions as often as possible, which will be associated with you: joy, anger, resentment, jealousy. We need to get him hooked on these emotions, and only when he misses us (the emotions that we give), he will understand that he loves us. I'm not talking about the fact that it is necessary to dance around him and have fun, and be the most emotional (although I do not exclude this, such things are contagious), sometimes emotions can give a person his own thoughts and fantasies. Remember the film "Basic Instinct-2" Quite calmly and coldly, she pissed off the forensic PSYCHIATRIST !!! And she knew what she was doing and why. Surely, many of you guessed this when you specifically brought your young man to jealousy.) So, I won’t talk too much on this topic, therefore I give this opportunity to you. If my article helps you in your personal life, I will only be glad. You can then send one word to my profile: “Works”, and I will understand what you mean. Happy hunting, girls!

Your Lolita Vinogradova.

Emotional buildup is an important principle of working with emotions. He is very simple.

Emotions are swings. In which direction you direct the swing, only the distance from the equilibrium position is important. It's the same with emotions.

The principle of seduction, given this fact, is as follows:

The most important thing is to bring a man out of balance, no matter in which direction.

Emotional buildup is the same swing. You swing emotions in one direction or the other. You give him positive, then negative. Praise, punish, praise, punish.

You listen, you are carried away by him, you surrender to him, then you stop communicating with him, you start ignoring him, then everything repeats.

In order to swing a heavy person, you never try to get the swing as far away from the balance position as possible, right?

Everything is the same here. In order to shake a great passion, love in him, you need to start with small deviations from the equilibrium position. And it doesn't matter where you start.

You can start with the negative. I like this way the most. It is much easier to bring a person into the negative, if he is predisposed to it, than into the positive. It is much easier to provoke annoyance and provoke him than to please him and please him.

Very often, when men come to me and start whining and complaining about their women, I tell them:

- And let's tell you which women are bad, pour out all the dirt now, think about how good it would be for us without women.

And when they begin to pour out all sorts of dirt, men begin to go positive. They get well. Because they can't be negative.

When he starts swearing at you, when he is unhappy with you, instead of proving to him that you are white and fluffy, do the opposite, this often works very well.

Tell me how bad I am! Tell me everything! Tell me how bad and disgusting life is for you with me, how you don’t love me and don’t want to ...

He will say it. Better shut your ears. In ten minutes, he will apologize for these words and tell you how good he really is. Why?

He spat out the negative. He is already in a balanced state, and now he is beginning to be pulled into a positive. That's why he already loves you. He already likes you. And he starts feeling guilty. And then OP!

Cut the TEARS!

It is unlikely that anyone can react calmly to this matter. Although there is an opinion among men: women's tears are like water.

Believe me. We say this to each other and laugh when it comes to other men who react to women's crying. But every man, believe me, even if he doesn’t show it, he can’t calmly treat them. Therefore, this method is really effective.

Emotional buildup is in many ways similar to the principle of unbalancing in aikido. You can do something with a person only if you unbalance him. The beginning of any technique in aikido is to unbalance the opponent.

Everything is the same here. The method is very similar. Your first rule of communication and influence on a man is to unbalance him. In any direction.

Competition

Now we will consider a very important technique. Creating competition.

Why is she so important?

Competition is one of the basic instincts that every man has. You may not understand this, but take my word for it. Very often we don't care what we compete for. We will do this in principle. The male world also has its own paradoxes.

If I was challenged, it is very difficult not to accept it. And when you start to compete for something, sometimes you forget to evaluate whether it is worth it! All casinos are built on this principle. The only way to make money at a casino is to buy it!

Nevertheless, the gambling business is booming. Competition. A game that is addictive. The man is a player.

There are a number of ways to make a man compete for you. At every stage from dating to the registry office.

Competition has two rules!

1. Always create competition!

2. Never compete!

In this section, we will consider these tasks. I will teach you how to compete for you at different stages of communication and make men swarm around you like bees around a jar of honey!

Necessary for the development of his emotional potential. In the society of early people, only the skin-visual female had this species role. Her emotional swings were manifested in the frequent change of strong emotions from admiration for the beauty of nature to the fear of being eaten by a predator.

In subsequent historical stages, in more developed societies- this is the same archetypal program of the visual vector, however, which has not received further adequate and proper development, and therefore is fixed in the human psyche in its original form. In modern society, such behavior is not beneficial, it is defined by more developed members of society as emotionally unstable. With such emotional swings, the desire to attract the attention of others is periodically replaced by a state of fear. The cause of fear is the lack and inability to create emotional bonds with people. Emotional buildups are characteristic of representatives of both sexes, in the vector set of which there is an undeveloped and/or unrealized visual vector.

Causes and mechanism of occurrence of emotional buildups

The development of emotionality is directly related to the presence of a particularly sensitive visual analyzer, since it is through the eyes that a person is able to perceive the physical aspect of reality and admire the beauty of the world. Particularly sensitive eyes are the erogenous zone of the viewer, allowing him to distinguish the slightest nuances of color shades, to subtly feel the play of light. Therefore, when contemplating the beauty of the external world in all its various manifestations, such people get especially strong pleasure.

At the dawn of mankind, the carriers of the visual vector for thousands of years were exclusively skin-visual females. The desire and ability to enjoy the light and variety of natural shades allowed them to fulfill their specific role. The skin-visual female accompanied the flock on hunting and war, looking out for potential dangers in the form of predators and enemies. Many predatory animals skillfully disguise themselves as the color of the environment, and it was the watchful eyes of the day guard that made it possible to protect the flock from danger and loss.

The internal emotional states of the skin-visual female often change, passing from one peak point to another. Either she is full of positive emotions from the surrounding variety of natural colors and beauties, or she falls into a state of extreme fear for her life at the sight of a predator or other danger. Such sensual swings constantly shake emotions inside. The unique psychic constitution of the skin-visual female adapts these swings, and they quickly become a central element in her sense of fullness of life. The emotion of fear is so great that the skin-visual female yells loudly in surprise, clearly signaling the danger to the whole flock.

This mechanism was necessary, we observe it unchanged to this day. The stronger the skin-visual female is able to be frightened, the more clearly she is able to fulfill her species role. This early mechanism reveals in her the full range of her emotional amplitude. Along with this, an internal need for constant emotional buildup is also fixed, i.e. to change and riot of emotions. They give a sense of richness and intensity to the events taking place in her life, i.e. allow her to fulfill her life. The peak of emotions brings her into a state of inner balance. However, this is an early behavioral program for the skin-visual female.

At the later stages of human development, the main danger is no longer a predator, but the ever-growing hostility of people to each other. Dislike grows due to the natural growth of additional desires in the collective human psyche (in the collective unconscious). This force of disintegration is dangerous and capable of causing the disintegration and destruction of the pack. The force that collectively restrains this hostility is the layer of culture inherent in everyone today, which has opened up and developed through the visual measure and precisely thanks to it. The core of culture is the ability for compassion and empathy for one's neighbor. This ability develops in the visual vector, when fear for oneself is pushed outward, turning into empathy for one's neighbor, into love.

An equally common variation of swings is, for example, an unconscious need to be frightened, to look for real confirmation of one's fear in everything. Such a person may overly focus on some kind of trouble or danger, constantly trying to prevent possible dangerous situations. That is, in fact, create a phobia for yourself: fear of society, heights, flying, dogs, water bodies, etc.

The need for fear can also be expressed in all sorts of superstitions, since belief in supernatural forces provokes a constant expectation of any terrible events. Such people believe in signs, in the help of fortune-tellers, psychics, astrologers, but they do not realize that their superstitions are the basis for the formation of more and more new fears.

Because of the need to build up emotions through fear, a person is often inclined to create an atmosphere around him that visually reminds him of the constant proximity of death or mortal danger. Man surrounds himself with various images and manifestations of death. This explains the desire to watch horror films, as well as to purchase clothes and accessories with images of vampires, skulls, and blood. Because of the need for fear, a person can unconsciously create situations that tickle his nerves and are really dangerous for his life: for example, at a late time in deserted places, arrange walks or contact suspicious groups of people.

“At first it was difficult to do. The exercises seemed far-fetched, difficult. It was not easy to force myself to fulfill them. There were often doubts. But the result of such exercises exceeded all my expectations. Life has become easier!

In the training of emotions, the key to flexibility of the psyche

So, in the theoretical part, we found out why emotional balancing exercises are necessary. These exercises will allow us to develop emotional flexibility - the backbone of health, both physical and energetic.

Why do the Sam Chung Do system and the Norbekov school insist on training the range of emotions? Because it is the key to the flexibility of your psyche. A kind of "stretching" of emotional "muscles". If emotions do not quickly and smoothly move from one mode to another, this threatens with a nervous breakdown, and the result of a breakdown will be a violation of health. Therefore, emotional “flexibility” is simply necessary to maintain health. You need to control your own emotional state.

It lies in the ability, even in peak situations, to keep oneself in a state of inner (almost infantile) serenity, putting destructive emotions on a strong chain. Fear, as a signal, warns of danger, but paralyzes our ability to act if given free rein. Anger perfectly mobilizes our energy resources, but a flash of rage deprives us of reason and provokes us to take erroneous steps.

Reader, do you know what it is to rejoice from the heart, what it is to cry, what is the balance between these states? Have you forgotten what this means?.. Our life is weaning us from the natural expression of feelings. More familiar is the eternal semi-finished state: unhappy, unhappy, inability to relax (without the use of doping like alcohol or cigarettes, etc.).

Well, the sarcastic reader will say, you are all so convincingly scolding the average modern person. Well, what exactly needs to be done? Is there a recipe?

The recipe is not a recipe, but a perfectly acceptable way out. There are exercises for the flexibility of emotions. Like stretch marks for the muscles or the spine. What is the goal, you ask? - Your mood, attitude.

MOOD SHOULD BE ABOVE AVERAGE

What should be the optimal mood? Your mood should be slightly above average. Such a slightly positive coloring. It should not be negative (life is not good, you can’t fix anything) or too positive, like rose-colored glasses, a kind of “puppy delight”. Such distortions, deviations occur due to the inflexibility of the emotional range - the inability of emotions to flexibly follow the corresponding thoughts.

It is this ability that we will train now.

First, we will launch the thought into action, setting the mood. And we will strive to ensure that the emotional background slowly catches up with this thought, resonates. To begin with, let's do a little exercise - so that the reader himself feels how dependent our well-being is on our emotional mood.

EXERCISE "MASK"

Recall the saddest, most difficult moments of your life. Cause sadness in yourself, maybe grief. Look at your reflection in the mirror. Give the face an expression of deep sadness, the corners of the lips are lowered, the eyebrows are mournfully drawn together. Your face is a tragic mask. Try to keep this imprint of grief on your face. Now listen to yourself. How do you feel now, at this moment, when you are full of sadness?

How are you feeling? Not very good? .. It doesn't matter, frankly. Grief, fatigue, loss of energy, etc. After strong sad or negative experiences, you feel as if you have been carrying huge stones all day. Old diseases remind of themselves, new ailments are discovered, and so on.

Here come the tears. Enough sadness. Let her come out with tears.

So, down with sorrow and sorrow! Difficulty adjusting quickly? Imagine that you are standing under a small waterfall. A stream of water washes you, taking away all sad experiences, freeing you, giving you strength and vigor! You feel an unshakable calm.

Now - simply and mechanically lift the corners of the lips. Your face is a bit like a laughing theatrical mask. But still! Such a small thing is a smile, and your face immediately becomes friendly, takes on a joyful expression. And let your smile be somewhat artificial. Reinforce this artificial joy with the most pleasant memories for you.

Imagine that in your palms, folded like a ladle, there is water that has dissolved in itself all your joyful experiences, your best moments, all the most pleasant for you. Lower your face into your palms. Feel the influx of joy, feel how joy fills you. Now listen to your feelings. What happened to your smile? Does it look natural?

What has changed in how you feel? If you want to analyze the changes in your feelings, you will notice how cheerfulness gradually appears, you feel much better, there is no hint of a breakdown, etc.

An excellent result, you say, but what is all this for?

WHAT WE LEARNED BY MASK EXERCISE

You managed, rejoicing and sad, to make sure that these states are reflected in your well-being. Such a simple exercise made you understand how much this or that emotional mood can change your well-being.

The exercise also showed us how important it is to be able to voluntarily change the emotional mood. Such a skill is very useful in a difficult conflict situation, it will allow you not to be led by emotions, it will help you overcome the consequences of a shock, get out of a depressive state, and help you manage your mood.

To do this, you need to stretch or, as we say, “shake” emotions.

This is extremely important! It is necessary to eliminate stagnation in your emotional background. It must be flexible and elastic.

Natural emotionality Is this your strength or weakness?

The environment of emotionally explosive individuals is trying to write this feature of the psychological constitution into shortcomings. Emotionality and openness is characteristic of children. By this they touch adults, using their childish spontaneity as an excellent tool for manipulation. Caught in the framework of education, adults try to suppress the child in themselves. By doing so, they limit their natural charm and distort their personality. The most interesting thing is that it is mainly positive emotions that can be controlled.. You squeeze your facial expressions, your movements, so as not to seem like an enthusiastic naive fool. But in vain! This is your main condiment.

So, you suppressed positive emotions ... You think: “That's it, an adult aunt with a serious expression on her face!” But no! These beating, overflowing emotions are looking for: “Where would you like to express yourself?” Holding them back is like keeping the lid of a boiling cauldron forcibly closed, preventing the steam from escaping! But sooner or later it will happen, and moreover, at the most inopportune moment. Most likely when your negative emotions cannot be contained. They will break out as reproaches, tantrums, screams. In adult society, it is not customary to laugh out loud and express your affection. But it's quite normal to smoke like a steam locomotive, grab a bottle, antidepressants. It turns out that a nervously smoking woman is the norm, and an open and enthusiastic woman is a fool? Maybe stop bullying yourself?

Let's teach children to express their emotions and use them for their own benefit? Maybe then, instead of calming down, we will look for another joy? Instead of a cigarette, let's sit on a carousel, buy a balloon filled with helium, and release it into the air!

Naive? Of course, it is naive, because you need a man and only then you will calm down! But a man is not a pacifier for a baby! Grow up emotionally first, even if you're far beyond... Otherwise, you will nervously rush from one clumsy attachment to another, looking for a man who will finally calm you down and become EVERYTHING for you. Relax later! And if a man becomes everything for you, then when he suddenly leaves you, unable to withstand such responsibility, then you will be left with NOTHING.

On the one hand, you need to become like children, and on the other hand, you need to keep your head on your shoulders and understand what and why you are doing! Remember what Tamara wrote in "Male Psychology for Intellectual Women"? Immediacy + intelligence = nuclear mixture!