"How are you?" – the display lights up with a message.

“Not as strong as I thought, but not as weak as they think,” I type jokingly and understand that, without realizing it, I indicated what was really happening to me. I really could not walk the tightrope of the meanness arranged for me beautifully, maintaining my composure and treating everything philosophically neutral. In some places I was rocking like a fishing boat on a three-meter wave, but still I managed to keep my balance and even, although not painlessly for myself, destroy a couple of generally accepted stereotypes, and this is always a good sign.

What do we know about meanness?

Despite our long-suffering human lot, which was so accurately branded 2000 years ago by one adherent of the truth - about meanness, that is, about causing harm through malicious intent, we know very little from personal experience.

There is a great temptation to confuse this concept with betrayal, which, on the contrary, is quite common in life, and announce the incessant decay of the human spirit, but a more attentive and impartial look will tell you the difference. Betrayal is based on the blindness of the selfish nature of a person - someone is so committed to personal happiness, comfort and well-being that he is ready to infringe on the interests of sometimes the closest people. But still, the other person is not the target of the traitor's actions. The motive is only one's own benefit in the variety of its forms. Yes, it's disgusting. And it is very painful for the injured party, but, I emphasize, there is no desire to cause direct harm to another being, there is only a desire for personal gain, pleasure, comfort, vivid emotions.

Meanness is worse. It has an intention in relation to you specifically. And immunity in such situations we have not developed at all. We are very unprepared for the fact that people can consciously wish pain to another being, and not just be callous and mercantile.

I have never lived in greenhouse conditions, I faced both problems in the children's team and conflicts in my own family, there were some misunderstandings and even hostility at work, but all this turned out to be flowers when one of the heads of the department I didn't like it personally. As a man. Either envy, or jealousy, or competition, or naked evil of the soul ...

Gossip behind the back, showing disdain in the face, incitement. As in an aggressive teenage team, with the only difference that we were adults and held responsible positions. I remember how they deliberately gave me incorrect information so that I would be late for an important event and not be ready in front of the whole team. The participants in the plan openly laughed at the sight of my confused eyes.

The shock paralyzed me. I had no idea that it happens that I could neither resist, nor somehow react, nor work. I was tormented by thoughts of how this is possible and why. It was as if my energy was blocked, and instead of the usual fountain of actions, I squeezed crumbs of deeds out of myself, constantly making mistakes and only giving certain people a reason to confirm their case.

Then I could not stand it, and six months later I was no longer in this company. Questions: How is this possible? and "For what?" ripped me apart from the inside. I did not yet know that answers to them cannot be sought in any case.

I won’t say that the second time, faced with a blow of evil will, when the facts are turned inside out and mixed with blatant lies, pouring all this with personal insults both at me and towards people close to me and adding even direct threats, I was ready that people are capable of it. But this time, I didn’t let the shock immobilize me, didn’t start asking destructive questions, and under attacks on the world I created with such difficulty, I developed a set of personal rules when confronted with the dark side of human natures.

How to maintain psychological balance in the most difficult life situations?

1. Yes baby! This is happening to you

All these: “For what?”, “Why?” and “How can this happen to me?” take us away from inner balance to an inaccessible distance. They, like barriers, tightly close a person from reality, which says only one thing: this is happening to you. Already. Everything happened.

Trying to explain what you don't like (after all, you don't try to explain every pleasant event, right?) is most often a veiled denial that a person is not even aware of. And the denial of reality is always a loss of energy. That is the law.

These questions paralyze the will, shake from the inside, demanding answers and making you think that you are obliged to find them. Then how can you just refuse them. No, not from answers. From the questions themselves. And there is no need for answers.

By accepting reality, and not trying to push it into a framework that is understandable to us personally, we return our balance and receive an influx of strength. We have the opportunity to interact with what is happening, and not wander in thought forms, comforting ourselves with regular conclusions. Nothing can be changed anyway, but you can restore the energy balance due to harmony with the current moment, no matter how unpleasant it may be.

2. Nightmare on a silver platter

I have been using the technique of working with my main nightmare for a long time, it helps out a lot during responsible life transitions, when you need to take a decisive step, which provokes a lot of fears. At such a moment, you sit back and appeal to your main nightmare. Well, what's the worst thing that can happen if you quit? Or open your own business? Or will you get divorced? Or are you going to travel alone for half a year in Asia? By the way, this year is the 10th anniversary of how I did it.

Bankrupt? Loneliness? Won't get a job? Children? Absence of children? Diseases?

You take the main fear of a particular situation and answer the question: what will you do with it if it does happen? Calmly work out a plan of action. You look at the problem from an angle: “So what?”

So I went through stories with the fact that nothing would work out in my ideas and my livelihood would run out, or, for example, that I would never meet a man who was close in spirit and would live alone. It is the practice of facing your deepest fear in a balanced way and living it through a plan of action. After all, we are heart-rendingly nightmares only from what we run from and what we are afraid to admit. And then you sit down, and again this cherished word -. You decide what you will do in this case. This practice is carried out alone, with a serious attitude and only once, so as not to inadvertently go into the realm of paranoia.

In a situation of meanness, there is always an aspect of manipulation of your fears. Instead of “fighting”, proving to yourself and the attacker that you can’t take you with your bare hands, just live your own fears generated by the situation. They are trying to catch you for the sick and are waiting for defensive actions, help this person - hook yourself. Get all your fears out of your gut and let it be. Decide what you will do. For every question. Alternately. Fear melts from interacting with them.

3. Dual sport. Or at least half...

The fact that with strong energy incandescence you need to hit the sport is a well-known fact. I personally know people who, with hour-long runs or intense yoga, have not let themselves fall in situations of psychological attacks on their lives. But in my case, the increase in sports loads did not work, the body fell into such weakness that it even refused the classical standard, which is already quite low for me. After giving myself a rest, I went for a trick - I reduced my load to the nominal, but began to appear in the gym as often as possible. You start not so much with sports, but with a mental switch, which after a while allows you to get stronger and increase the load.

For natures like myself, whose pulse jumps to the limit from intense emotions and who can get a fever even from falling in love, it is extremely important to “ground” your charge with physical activity. Difficult emotional situations for us are simply unresolvable in the mind, no matter how clearly we understand everything and no matter how sensibly we reason.

I can also recommend a minimum of 5 or 10 minutes of continuous running a day for those who are in a situation of emotional exhaustion and are far from sports. You need to start somewhere. Let it be even such a small, but regular action. For stronger natures, the load should be increased. The task is to literally melt your pain, indignation, those very questions, aggression, anger, excitement and fear through movement.

4. Be strong - let yourself be weak

There was an episode in my life when, intuitively, having never before held books on psychological adjustment in my hands, I helped myself not to slide into a pit of depression after parting. I was able to reflect on the hysterical state and gave myself a day for complete, boundless grief and self-pity, promising that the next I would not shed even a tear. And it worked.

I was 21 years old. The first long-term relationship, which seemed like the love of a lifetime and, in general, a lifetime, suddenly came to an end. I was suddenly told: “Everything”, while in my picture of the world nothing foreshadowed this.

I packed my things with shaking hands, returned home trembling and burst into such burning tears that it pricked me: “How long will I get away from this?” After all, I knew friends who could not recover from the fact that they were dumped for months. And then I made a rather strange decision, no one suggested it to me, I had never heard of it - it appeared out of thin air, and I trusted - I allowed myself not to hold back, cry, sob, lament, remember the good and remember the bad, as much as I could . But only one day. With the thought that the next - everything will be over. There will be a new life and new plans. I kept my word.

Days of controlled allowed weakness help a lot in this weakness not to get hung up. Do not multiply it on your everyday life, pretending that nothing is happening, and breaking down for any reason, but give your body and emotions time for a storm, grief, fears, worries. Spilling to the bottom, you are discharged and are able to act more calmly. And you have the opportunity to kindly explain to yourself that there was already time for tears, it's time to act and, lovingly, win.

May the force be with you!

We live, obeying the rapid rhythm of the modern metropolis, in a state of constant tension, almost at the limit of our mental and physical strength.

Practically, in a monotonous rhythm: work - home - work. At work - some problems, in the family or in relationships with a loved one - others.

How to break this vicious circle, get off this endless carousel of monotony? How to find time for yourself, your health, physical and emotional, time to live and enjoy this life? How to restore your peace of mind? How to maintain good relationships in the family, how to learn to understand your children, and the closest people.

Everything depends on you. In order to achieve peace of mind, you must learn to live in harmony with yourself and the world around you. The truth is simple, but it is difficult to implement it.

But sometimes it’s enough to ask yourself: where, in fact, am I in such a hurry and rushing through life? Not noticing the golden autumn, snowy winter, intoxicating spring and summer with its sultry colors, interesting travels and unusual acquaintances with people and new places of our beautiful planet?

Why is a life full of impressions, emotions, events a norm for some, while I live among the same scenery, in the same unchanging rhythm, at odds with myself?

Decide if this goal, which you are so irresistibly striving for, is worth the effort that you expend to achieve it? What will change from the fact that you reach your goal a little later? But you will begin to live, and not rush through life.

Of course, we do not live in isolation in this world: society, work team, close friends and girlfriends, family, parents. But you can agree with your closest people that you need at least half an hour of personal time after a busy day. After all, we also live in a state of unconscious emotional discomfort, when our personal psychological space is constantly violated.

At work, it is impossible to distance yourself from colleagues and superiors, but you can restore this energy protective shell during the time when you are at home. During these half an hour - an hour, you will have the opportunity to restore not only your mental balance and nervous system, but also your appearance: face and body. And then give the opportunity to rest tired legs, back and eyes. Only 15 - 20 minutes that you allow yourself to lie down after a bath or shower will restore your strength and will be enough to do all the household chores that you have planned for the evening.

If you do not pay yourself daily attention and live in a state of constant tension, this will inevitably have a negative impact not only on health, well-being and the state of the nervous system, but also on appearance. And when the reflection in the mirror does not please, there is no need to talk about complete emotional balance.

Why is your mental balance disturbed?

Remember when you were completely relaxed and happy? When was it, with what, with what events, or with whom, with communication with what people, was it connected? Ask yourself why is it all in the past? What has changed, what else can be restored and returned?

What annoys you now? Relationship with your husband, with your beloved man? Relationships with loved ones or problems with work colleagues? An uninteresting job where you spend 7 - 8, and sometimes more, hours a day? Financial difficulties or you are not satisfied with your health, appearance, habits?

But you can spend a quiet evening with your husband, without discussing problems, because you had something to talk about with each other before, was it interesting together? If something in his habits began to become unbearably annoying, you can just calmly talk about it - after all, he, quite possibly, simply does not attach importance to this and does not even know about your reaction to some of his actions. And you can find something interesting for yourself in his hobbies, and not be annoyed because he devotes time to them, and not to you.

Another reason for our concern, and the most significant one, is concern about our children: about their health, interests, academic performance.

Children are a completely different world, different interests and priorities. But if you are interested in them not only in grades and academic performance in general, then they will perceive this attention very sensitively: as respect for them as individuals. Then you won't have to be surprised much later, and their maturation will occur without catastrophic, sometimes, shocks associated with their hobbies, behavior or actions. It is much better and safer if they turn to you with their questions and problems, rather than looking for answers from someone or in some sources of information.

How much time do you communicate with your children every day, do you know what interests them now and what plans they have for the future? Even at the age of 6-8 years, modern children are already quite independent, informed, well versed in the new technology, which is familiar to them, freely navigate the Internet space.

If there are any problems in understanding or in relation to his or her interests, try to learn to understand it. I do not think that you will be particularly interested in what interests your son or daughter, but, in any case, they will appreciate your interest, and you will know what the youth of today are fond of.

And analyze the behavior of your child: the way he behaves at 8-10 years old can be an indicator of his future behavior in life. If your child actively communicates with peers, he is invited to visit, and you often see his friends and classmates at your place, if he easily finds common topics with new interlocutors, prefers team games, then in the future he will become a sociable person, for which communication with different people will not cause problems.

If your child prefers to spend time alone and communication with classmates is limited to school time, and prefers to spend his free time reading books or using a computer, try to find out the reason. It is possible that the son or daughter has his own problems, complexes or questions that he is embarrassed to ask about. And he is looking for answers on the Internet, where you can find information on any topic, and anonymously.

One of the ways to help them learn how to communicate freely with their peers is through interest clubs. For example, a chess club brings together people who are prone to concentration. Classes are held in a fairly narrow circle and in a relaxed atmosphere. Your child will learn not only to communicate with people of different ages, but also to think logically.

Our children are already under a colossal burden: a rich and difficult curriculum, additional foreign language classes and in the sports section, some other course or training. In practice, they do not have a carefree, easy childhood, but it is impossible otherwise - they will have an independent life in conditions of fierce competition, they must be prepared for this.

Therefore, when you are constantly tense, and they, with their still fragile nervous system, annoying quarrels and breakdowns occur. And when there is no peace mental and psychological comfort in the family when the tension accumulated during the working day does not decrease at home, but continues to grow, then quarrels and conflicts flare up literally because of trifling reasons.

It is because of the reasons, and not because of the reasons. After all, the main reason is the lack of complete trust and understanding between you, within your small family. After all, you are the closest and dearest people, why can’t you agree on a free personal space for everyone, so that there is time for your interests and activities? Why not try to understand each other?

How to achieve mutual understanding in the family.

Arrange a family council once on the topic: “What I don’t like about our family, what are my complaints about you, what I want to do, but I don’t find free time and opportunities for this, what can we do, each of us, in order to so that we live in peace and trust, so that our house becomes our small, calm, native and cozy haven, where you can take a break from everything that happens outside your door?

You can not say it, but write it. To each write such a letter within a week. Believe me, while you are writing it, and this involves careful consideration of each phrase, there will be answers to many questions, and there will be many solutions to conflicts and quarrels. After all, we just sometimes have no time to think about it, we are just in such a hurry to live that we consider all this a trifle.

The problem of relationships between different generations in each family is solved in its own way. As a rule, it is difficult for us to find complete mutual understanding on the part of our parents, father-in-law and mother-in-law, and it is also difficult for our children to fully understand us or agree with our prohibitions, teachings, restrictions. But all this turns out to be very small and insignificant when someone from the older generation in the family begins to get seriously ill. Or, what is the most terrible and incorrigible, the pain from which remains for the rest of our lives, someone leaves our life forever.

Therefore, it is enough to understand once that the family, children, parents, our family relationships are the most important thing in life, for which it is worth living and what is worth appreciating. Everything else, by and large, is secondary, on which you should not waste your nerves, health and time. You just realize it is sometimes too late, when nothing can be changed, said, or returned.

And from the fact that at a distance you understand that you were wrong, and even if you were right, you didn’t behave like that, it becomes even more painful. And it's already too late. All that remained was the pain from unspoken love, from an unresolved call once again to find out how things were going and health, from all that petty and unnecessary that seemed so important.

Take care of your parents, take care of your children, and do not forget to tell them that they are the most important thing in life for you. And there will be fewer conflicts, and more peace of mind, health and complete happiness from the very fact that you are living.

Many, for sure, have repeatedly encountered such a problem as a sharp decline in mood, a frequent nervous state, a breakdown over trifles on loved ones. There is a reason for all this that needs to be fought, because in the end it negatively affects the physical health of a person, everything is interconnected in our body.

In order not to lash out at people, get sick less often, be in a good mood, look at things positively, you need the smallest detail - you need to have peace of mind. It is not so easy. As a rule, the greatest blow always falls on the patient himself. So this very patient should not be. A person must appear invulnerable in order to save himself. To do this, a person must always be in friendship with himself. Different emotions should be in moderation in a person and be replaced one after another.

How to start putting things in order in your inner world?

First, you need to learn how to find pluses in any, even the most stalemate situation. Excessive panic and decadent mood will not correct the situation, but will only aggravate it. Never give up. In no case do not lose heart and find the strength in yourself to continue the path.

Secondly, it is necessary to set several goals for yourself, concentrate on them and go towards them at all costs. So that there are no barriers in front of a person, but only goals on the horizon and a desire to achieve them as soon as possible. Thus, a person separates himself from unnecessary things, people, problems, unpleasant trifles. For example, if you want to buy yourself a new car, earning money for this good deed, it will not be so tragic to refuse to visit a movie released at the cinema, because there is an understanding that refusal is for good. Rather than refuse to go to the cinema because the money was spent on knick-knacks, and you could save money and go to the movies.

Thirdly, you need to rest with yourself. Rest in the company is always good, fun and interesting, but not always productive. Believe me, being alone with yourself, you can learn a lot about yourself, put all your thoughts in their places. To be comfortable with people, you must first be comfortable with yourself.

Fourth, you must learn to be silent. Be silent when you are right, be silent when you are wrong, be silent when you know something, be silent when you are not sure about something. Talk less, work more. With words fly out, often emotions.

Fifth, you need to protect yourself from unnecessary people. Do not be afraid to throw off unnecessary ballast. Learn to filter people and treat them with respect, understanding, but gently. Protect yourself from liars, envious people and gossips. Gossips are especially dangerous - they take away your inner energy. It is better to have two faithful people nearby and be confident in them than to trust a bunch of people who smile in their eyes and scold in the back what the light stood on.

And most importantly, believe in yourself! Faith in yourself, in your deeds, in your future and your goals against all odds. The main thing is to realistically assess your capabilities and try your best. In a word - you need to learn to concentrate on yourself, not paying attention to external stimuli.

Target: To acquaint teachers with methods of self-regulation that allow them to "relieve" tension in time, remove internal clamps, and "relax".
The modern world imposes rather strict requirements on a person. A high-quality standard of living today is impossible without stress resistance, high personal efficiency, and competent distribution of time and effort. According to statistics, the profession of an educator belongs to the category of professions, the carriers of which are most prone to stress. And the profession of a modern educator is even more so. Life in conditions of constant urban and work stress, with a high information capacity of life, complicates the professional work of a teacher who has to work with constant stress and lack of time.
The purpose of my session today is to teach you affordable ways to self-regulate so that you can apply them after stressful situations.
1. The game "Tell the other a compliment"(an association).
All participants in the game are invited to take turns saying pleasant things to each other. Compliments can relate to personal qualities, mood, appearance.
Calmness and spiritual harmony are determined not by the absence of problems, but by our attitude to pleasant and unpleasant life events. Most of the grief and mental anguish arise from the fact that our reaction is excessive and not quite adequate to the event that gave rise to it. By answering the test questions, in just a few minutes you will find out if you are a balanced person.
2. Psychological test "Mental balance".
Psychological test "Mental balance".
1. Do you sometimes get angry because of the stupidity and awkwardness of another person?
Yes, quite often – 10 points;
Infrequently, I try to be as tolerant as possible with other people - 5;
Almost never. Anger adversely affects the complexion, and I treat life with almost Buddhist patience - 0 points.
2. Do you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with a strong heartbeat?
No, never - 0 points;
Yes, if any problems bother me - 3 points;
Very often, I don't sleep as well as I used to for a long time - 7 points.
3. Can you use the power of your voice to make your point?
I can, but I use it very rarely - 5 points;
No, although it is sometimes difficult to hold back - 8 points;
Obviously I can. From time to time, such a shout helps a person to dump accumulated anger - 0.
4. Are you satisfied with your figure?
No, I liked her better before - 5;
In general, yes, with the exception of some details - 2.
Yes, I would not like to change anything - 0.
5. If your relationship with a partner fails, do you have a free choice among several new candidates? (If you are single at the moment, would you have a choice among the candidates if you were seeking a new partnership?).
No, it takes me quite a long time to get to know the right person – 0;
There are some acquaintances, but they do not suit me - 3;
Huge choice - 7.
6. How often do you have nightmares?
Almost never - 0;
Sometimes - 5;
At least once a month - 10.
7. Do you have a reliable circle of good friends?
Yes, definitely - 0;
Mostly buddies - 3;
No, I tend to rely onhimself - 5.
Data processing. Calculate your points.
From 0 to 17 points. You are a very calm, balanced person, you have inner harmony, which other people strive for all their lives. Do not lose your good mental and physical condition by continuing to pay attention to your body.
From 18 to 35 points. Something is subtly undermining your mental well-being. Although you still maintain mental balance, still try to figure out what oppresses your soul. Only then will you find inner harmony.
From 36 to 50 points. You are like a fire-breathing volcano, ready to erupt. For you, a well-thought-out program for improving the body, its mental and physical condition is of particular importance. You get angry over trifles, taking to heart all the unpleasant moments of stressful everyday life. Do not miss the opportunity to put your nervous system in order, otherwise it may be too late.
Self-regulation - this is the management of one's psycho-emotional state, which is achieved by a person's influence on himself with the help of words, mental images, control of muscle tone and breathing.The main task of self-regulation- learn how to discharge, relieve excess stress, respond in a civilized way, or correctly direct energy towards creativity and creation in order to avoid destruction
(external and internal).
What do you know of the most common or natural ways of self-regulation?(smile, humour. fresh air, thoughts about the pleasant, visiting a bath (sauna), delicious food). Unfortunately, such means cannot be used directly at the moment when the situation is tense.
Today we will get acquainted with such methods of self-regulation as relaxation exercises with the help of mental images (you will learn how to manage your emotional state), breathing exercises, influencing yourself with the help of words.
Relieve emotional stress.

3. Exercise "FLY".Sit comfortably: put your hands freely on your knees, shoulders and head lowered, eyes closed. Imagine that a fly is trying to land on your face. She sits on the nose, then on the mouth, then on the forehead, then on the eyes. It is necessary without opening your eyes to drive away the annoying insect.
4. Exercise "Stretch". Most of us respond to stress with muscle tension, and stretching our muscles reduces the feeling of stress to a certain extent.
Breathing exercises.
Usually, a frustrated person begins to hold his breath. Breathing out is one way to relax. Try to relax the muscles of your body as much as possible and focus on your breathing.
5. Exercise "Breathing at the expense of 7 - 11."
Breathe slowly, deeply. During inhalation, the abdomen should rise as much as possible, while exhaling, it should fall as much as possible. Count to 7 on the inhale and 11 on the exhale. The need to stretch the breath for so long requires full concentration of attention and maximizes relaxation.
6. Exercise "Castle".
Starting position - sitting, body straightened, hands on knees in the “Lock” position. Inhale - arms above your head, palms forward. Hold the breath. A sharp exhalation - hands fall to their knees.
7. Exercises related to the impact of words.
self-order is a short, curt order made to oneself. Use self-order when you experience feelings of anger, irritation.
"Talk calmly!" , “Silence. Silence!”, “Do not succumb to provocations!”- it helps to restrain emotions, to behave with dignity.
In the case of even minor successes, it is advisable to praise yourself, mentally speaking: "Well done! Good girl! You are doing well!”
And I would like to end today's lesson with a few rules that may be useful to you in the struggle for your own peace of mind:
Believe that life will not leave you. "After the darkness comes the radiance of light, you believe in it and be unshakable."
Share with someone your experiences.
Find a model: a person who survived in a similar or even more difficult situation.
And if you suddenly feel like moping, remember the saying: “If you are grieving for the loss of a boat, remember the Titanic, as well as the quatrain:
“I was offended by the Creator,
For not having boots
Until I met a young man
Who was completely without legs.
8. Reflection. TECHNOLOGY "CHARGING"
The teacher offers participants of pedagogical interaction who stand in a circle to evaluate this event (content, individual technologies, teacher activities, individual games, etc.) through the performance of certain movements, and also express their attitude to these components.
The following movements may be suggested:
- squat down - a very low score, a negative attitude;
- the usual standing posture, hands at the seams - a satisfactory assessment, a calm attitude;
- raise your hands up, clapping your hands, rise on tiptoe - a very high assessment, an enthusiastic attitude.
At the beginning of the implementation of this technology, the teacher introduces the participants to all the movements and their meaning.
Each participant, after the teacher names one or another component of the completed interaction, makes any movement at his own discretion.
Thank you all for your attention!