Many girls and women have a serious problem - they do not love and appreciate themselves enough. Some of them wonder why others have more luck in their personal lives and careers, and they are doing poorly, despite the efforts made. Most often this happens precisely because of dislike for yourself!
You won't love yourself, no one will love you
The golden rule has long been known that if you do not love yourself, then you have a very low chance that someone else will show this feeling to you. Of course, we are not talking about narcissism, but you should not forget about yourself either. As a rule, people who put themselves below others end up getting less, which means they feel disadvantaged, which is why they often sink into depression. Being in such a state, it is difficult for a person to arouse interest in someone, and even more so - delight. A depressed person is immersed in his thoughts, limiting himself in contacts, and, accordingly, in those people who could love them. It is difficult to argue with the fact that people who value themselves and love always find time to take care of themselves, pamper yourself with something. Naturally, in this case, they usually always look good and are in a good mood more often than others, which undoubtedly attracts others. Self-love is a huge force, and many problems in life come precisely from the lack of this bright feeling for one's own person. Many breakups, conflicts, misunderstandings and disappointments can be avoided simply by learning to treat yourself with love.What does it mean to love yourself
1. Take care of yourself Self-love is manifested in many aspects, and one of them is a careful attitude to one's health, well-being, and so on. Often we are ready to make unjustified sacrifices, even at the cost of our health. An example is a woman who works hard to provide for her family, while her husband does not think to strain. Taking on such burdens, be prepared for not the most pleasant health consequences. Also a good example: a woman feels unwell, but is in no hurry to go to the doctor, hoping that everything will “dissolve itself”, and it is better to spend money on New Year's gifts. Remember that your health is very important, and inattention to yourself threatens to develop into really serious problems. 2. Comfort and soothe yourself Don't wait for someone else to do it for you. Of course, such a development of events is not excluded, but you should always be ready to take care of yourself. Do it the way you would for a near and dear person. Your day went wrong, and the evening promises to be no less difficult - household chores and so on? Postpone all your worries for later, but for now, allow yourself to calm down after a hard day or an unpleasant trip. Take a bath, have a hot drink, watch an episode of your favorite TV series - in general, do something that usually helps you find your lost balance. Even if you think that there are more important things to do right now, you can probably wait with them. 3. Pamper yourself If you are inherent in sacrifice, but at the same time you prefer to ignore your own needs, then this can become a serious problem for you, or maybe it has already become. Indulge your weaknesses sometimes. Buy yourself the goodies you love, indulge yourself with new cosmetics, beautician procedures, homemade personal care. Give yourself small and large gifts. 4. Accept yourself Some people do not love themselves, believing that they simply do not deserve love because of some shortcomings. Perhaps these shortcomings are far-fetched, and perhaps the real essence does not change from this. If you don’t like something about yourself, and you can’t change it in any way, then the only sure way out is to accept your peculiarity and even love it! Are you unhappy with your height? Think about the benefits it gives you. And so on. It is worth noting that most of the shortcomings can still be corrected or corrected in a certain way. If a particular feature bothers you, try to find a way to fix it, it will really be easier for you to live and love yourself after that!
I don't like myself what to do
1. Love for no reason Realize that you don't need a special reason to love yourself. Even if you do not excel in special achievements, do not have amazing talents and spectacular appearance - this is not a reason to treat yourself worse than anyone else. There is no one else like you in the world, every person is special, and you should appreciate your own uniqueness. 2. Forgive past mistakes Come to terms with the past and realize what lessons you can learn from it. Some people are prejudiced against themselves because of the mistakes of the past. If you, too, often think about what happened once, then this is not a very good sign. Learn to let go of the past, taking out useful lessons from it, but not bringing it into real life. 3. Don't compare yourself Do not think that someone is better than you just because they have more achievements in some area. Such comparisons can be made endlessly - both in your favor and in someone else's. Everyone has different abilities and abilities, and that's okay. The only person you have any reason to compete with is yourself. You can improve any skills, appearance, etc., but you should not do this by looking up to someone. 4. Don't overestimate others Often, it is the fact that someone is more successful, more beautiful, and the like that prevents us from loving ourselves. This point follows from the previous one. Perhaps, in some ways, another person was more successful than you, but you probably have an advantage in another. And in general, should it matter more to you how others live than your own life?5. Take care of your health Taking care of your own health is one of the first steps on the path to self-love. Exercise, eat right, and be outside regularly. Do not forget to undergo regular examinations, protect yourself from cold and heat, thus you can avoid unnecessary problems later. 6. Don't hang out with people you don't like If possible, minimize or completely eliminate communication with people who are unpleasant to you and undermine your faith in your own strengths and capabilities or somehow underestimate your self-esteem. Contacts with such personalities will definitely not benefit you, but will only spoil your mood.
How to learn to respect yourself - where to start
1. Increase self-esteem The first step is to increase your self-esteem. Usually a person's self-esteem rises after some at least a small achievement. It can be a trip to the gym, 20 sit-ups at home, cooking a new dish, attending a master class. Be open to new knowledge and positive impressions, and this will have a positive effect on your self-esteem. 2. Always be a confident person By boosting your self-esteem, you will undoubtedly be able to become more self-confident. Even if you have not developed this quality now, then learn not to show it. Try at least externally to keep yourself confident, and gradually it will become a habit. 3. Start appreciating yourself Throw away all negative thoughts and censure at your expense. Accept that perfect people simply do not exist! Your life is given to you, and if you wish, you can make it happy and comfortable. Don't force yourself to do something you don't feel like doing to please someone. Your task is, first of all, to improve your own life, and not justify someone else's expectations. 4. Tips and recommendations of a psychologist One of the important points on the path to self-respect is to stop tolerating what makes you uncomfortable. For example, a friend likes to tell long and uninteresting stories on the phone for a long time, and with her reasoning "takes" the lion's share of your evening, after which you do not have time to do what you really needed. Realizing that now the telephone conversation is really distracting you, interrupt the narrator, for example, with these words: “Marina, I’m sorry, a neighbor came to me here, let’s call at another time.” Although you can tell the truth - you are going to take a bath, start cooking dinner, or even just take a nap! Don't think that your needs are less important than someone else's desire to speak up. The same advice can be applied to those who can't stand smoke but put up with smoking in their car or kitchen, or who are frustrated by unsolicited advice, but it keeps listening to them. Feel free to say what makes you uncomfortable.
How can a woman or girl develop self-love
Love yourself and your appearance for real
Even if you do not like some features of your appearance, you should not focus your attention on them. If there is an opportunity to fix something that you do not like, then do not neglect it, in case it really poisons your life. If this is not possible, then it is pointless to think about what cannot be changed. It is possible that your complexes are completely far-fetched, but now this is not about that. Surely you have undoubted advantages that you can always emphasize. Think more about these features of yours. Learn to take care of your appearance, and over time, you will like your own reflection in the mirror more and more. Do not forget about home procedures for self-care, periodically visit beauty salons, where they will take care of your skin and hair. Do not forget about visits to the dentist, who will preserve the beauty of your smile and so on. If you have skin problems, then it is possible that they need to be solved not in the beautician's office, but by a dermatologist. Many girls and women suffer for years from a problem that can often be resolved in a few days. By taking good care of your appearance, you will surely love yourself more.You have to accept yourself for who you are.
Do not try to meet someone's established beauty standards, remember your individuality. The same applies to character, place of work, and so on. Of course, all these aspects, if possible, should be improved, but only in order to make your own life easier, and not fit into someone else's ideas about the ideal. If you are quiet and modest by nature, then someone may consider you clamped and notorious, and to someone you seem charmingly shy. If you are a sociable girl, then someone may decide that you are the soul of the company, and to someone you seem like an upstart. It is impossible to please everyone, but you can learn to live in harmony with yourself.Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking action
Self-pity is a very unproductive feeling that can do little to help. Of course, sometimes it is not superfluous to feel sorry for yourself and console, but this should not be limited to this. If you find yourself in a situation that causes you regret, then you need to do everything possible to get out of this situation, and try not to allow it again, then you can not feel sorry for yourself, but be proud of yourself.Psychological technique - easy steps on the way to yourself
To love yourself, it is important to learn to listen to your desires and needs. If you often have to give in to someone to your detriment, then this does not bode well for you later. It can be any little things: the choice of a dish in a cafe, an inconvenient meeting time for you, constant lending money to an uneconomical girlfriend, an unloved job, and the like. If you regularly do something that causes you rejection, then this threatens you with at least a spoiled mood. Listen to your desires, and if you understand that you don’t want to do something, and in general you don’t have to, then you should listen to your desire.
Is it possible to teach a person to love himself and other people
Of course, in order to find inner and outer harmony, it is important to learn to love not only yourself, but also the people around you. So, first start with loving yourself:- If something causes you anxiety, and in your thoughts you have already predicted the most unpleasant development of events, then you probably do this quite often and you need to fight it! Do not think about anything bad if you do not know exactly what happened. Hope for a favorable outcome. But even if something bad happened, then do not dwell on the negatives, but look for ways to solve the problem. If any unhappy thoughts come into your head, consciously change their direction and think about something pleasant. Surely you have virtues that deserve praise. Remind yourself of them regularly, and you can even write them out on a piece of paper so that later you periodically remind yourself of your important qualities. For example: “I am lucky!”, “I am smart!”, “I am charismatic!”, “I am responsible!”, and the like. You would probably be horrified if you counted how much time it took you to scroll through long-spoken dialogues in your head, imagine how you would answer now, and so on. Throw the unpleasant past out of your head! The moments that caused you pain or discomfort are not worthy of popping up again and again in your life. As soon as bad thoughts start creeping up on you again, think about something else, switch yourself to more pleasant thoughts. You can think about what to give your loved one for the next holiday, where to go for a weekend or vacation, and other pleasant moments. By learning to free your mind from negative thoughts, you can not only be more loyal to yourself, but, most likely, change your attitude towards the people around you. What should be paid attention to those who lack love for others in themselves. Do not expect from others what is characteristic of you. Everyone has the right to live the way he likes! For example, you are used to waking up at six in the morning, and you don’t understand how someone can sleep until ten in the morning, even if the person does not need to go anywhere before that time. Of course, you do not forget to periodically express your bewilderment and give advice on sleep patterns. Believe me, such advisers are very annoying. Take life easier, do not put someone hard limits just because you live differently. Understand that if someone does not follow the rules that you are trying to follow, this does not mean that this person is bad - he is just different. Even if someone unbearably annoys you, try to minimize this feeling. In addition, often the object of irritation may not be aware of your feelings, and with these negative emotions you only add unnecessary stress to your life. Think about what positive aspects this person has for which you can feel sympathy for him. If you believe that there are no such sides, then you have not looked for them well. Don't be prejudiced and try to see the good in others first.
Psychology: how to make yourself better and learn to live in joy for yourself
If you want to feel better about yourself, then you have to get better - as you can see, the pattern here is quite simple! At the same time, there is no need to chase after some mythical ideal and a far-fetched way - you can bring a lot of changes into your life without any losses, it will only be a joy for you. So where to start? 1. Sports Probably, you have already heard that regular sports loads not only have a beneficial effect on health, but also contribute to the production of the “hormone of happiness”. Many people notice that no matter how bad the day is, an hour in the gym significantly improves mood and perfectly switches attention. Those who exercise in the morning tend to feel much better than usual during the following day. Of course, it is not necessary to go to the gym if you are not attracted to such a pastime - you can run in the park, swim in the pool, attend yoga classes, and so on. If you wish, you can choose something to your liking. 2. Enrich your knowledge For many people, school and student years are the most active time for gaining knowledge, but it is important to constantly enrich yourself with new interesting information. If now you do not have lessons or lectures, this means that you yourself can choose the material that is interesting for yourself. Go to exhibitions, sign up for excursions, master classes and the like. Learning something new regularly will positively affect your self-esteem and make you a more interesting person to others. 3. Pay attention to others It's hard to get better without caring about someone. There are many options! You can adopt, cure and raise a homeless kitten who will become your true friend. You can take an animal from a shelter or just periodically help some local organization to protect our smaller brothers. It is equally important to pay attention to close people - to please elderly relatives with visits and gifts, to make surprises for babies, and so on. The more goodness you give away, the happier you will start to feel - try it! 4. Don't spread negativity It is important not only not to spread negativity, but also to stop it from other people, especially loved ones. If a person dear to you is worried and escalates the situation, do not support this, try to convince that everything will work out, switch your attention. You yourself, too, leave the habit of "crying" about your troubles. So you not only create an aura of negativity around you, but also spoil the mood of other people, and there is nothing good in this. 5. Set goals Moreover, note that it is important not only to set goals, but also not to forget to achieve them. Would you like to finally go abroad? Write down on a piece of paper point by point what needs to be done for this - now this is your plan! Set deadlines for the implementation of your plan and act! Do the same if you want to lose weight, gain muscle mass, learn to dance, grow healthy and beautiful hair, and so on. 6. Don't put off problem solving If you have any problem in front of you, then it is unreasonable in this situation to just think positively and do nothing. Remember that any small problem can grow into a big problem. Do not try to forget about unresolved issues by constantly moving them to later. It’s difficult just to start, but as soon as you get down to business and finish it, you can once again be glad that you have freed yourself from unnecessary thoughts and experiences that would still remain in the subconscious.
“Until a woman has an affair with herself, every man will be just a psychotherapist for her, trying to cure her of her rejection of herself and the fear of being alone.
True, deep love arises from a state of self-fullness. Then love for a man will be born in its highest manifestation - as a gift of oneself to him, and not as a desperate attempt to be needed by someone in order to feel one's full value.
Paulo Coelho
Life is a kind of exciting game, the rules of which you create yourself. It’s up to you to choose the path to follow, it (like any game) only presents its amazing surprises and gives unthinkable bizarre twists of fate, and sometimes hard trials fall on our lot, but as we all know, they are given according to our strength! Women are a strong part of humanity and can overcome almost all difficulties, and for this we simply must be happy! And each of us, on the way to our happiness, must first of all love ourselves! Communicating with my girlfriends, I often hear about the sea of "injustices" that happen to them, and that there is no way out of this situation and cannot be! They lament: “Well, why did this happen to me? Why am I worse?" (I confess that I myself often sin with such annoying, tormenting little thoughts 😉) And such irreconcilable longing and self-pity is read in their eyes that it seems that everything has already been irrevocably lost, and the light at the end of the tunnel will never dawn again ...
All that is needed is to stop feeling sorry for yourself, because this is not the best feeling. Do not expect anything from anyone, but act and do! The only difference between what you want and what you get is what you WILL DO!
I have one unimagined story about an old acquaintance who, having revised her attitude to life, changed her for the better, and the key to her success was hidden in the small - the courage to face the truth, one day off and a new dress ...
There are such women, as the people say "both smart and beautiful", but for some reason they have little happiness. It seems that both the husband is good, and the children are golden, live - and rejoice. And on weekdays: only home-work-home. Weekends: cleaning, shops and a stove, and again there is no time to even play with the children, but what about the spouse? Not life, but a "fairy tale", is this what we saw in dreams of a happy life? And literally after 10-15, or even 5 years of life according to such a “fabulous schedule”, the husband increasingly becomes busy with “his own”, separate from you, affairs and pays less and less attention, and the children live their own lives and the question of how are you they answer: “Maaam, don’t interfere, I’m already an adult / adult !!!”. And then you, in a frantic rhythm of affairs, one day stop for a second at the mirror ... and what do you see? And you see new wrinkles, the absence of any hairstyle and makeup, and the worst thing is the endless melancholy and fatigue in the eyes.
And our heroine lived according to this scenario, like 90% of Russian women: a husband, charming seven-year-old twins, success at work and an endless mountain of household chores. And then one day, on the run, however, as always, she stopped at the mirror and did not recognize her own reflection. Suddenly, she was overwhelmed by that very melancholy and a feeling of "darkness and hopelessness."
But, fortunately, she turned out to be a brave and wise young lady. Taking a deep breath that quelled her rising panic attacks, she decided to take stock of the situation. She is only 36 - the very dawn of femininity and can still be saved.
After a detailed examination of her reflection in the mirror, she decided on radical, by her standards, actions. Throw all worries and devote the upcoming weekend to your beloved.
The first thing she did was to get a good night's sleep, forgetting about all the things that could wait, but she can't wait any longer, she's alone. The next morning, after a long healthy sleep, there was no trace of a gray complexion and an extinct look.
She turned off the phone and went for a walk in proud and pleasant solitude. Yes, just and aimlessly walking, not in a hurry, enjoying the beauty of the city and the surrounding world. After all, she understood that in order to understand her beauty, one must be able to admire the beauty around.
After a long and pleasant walk in the fresh air, having put her thoughts on the shelves, she wanted to drink a cup of warming coffee and on the way to the cafe, like a few days earlier, she stopped for a moment ... A beautiful showcase with a new collection of dresses appeared on her way, she stared on them and on her reflection in this window, and the woman she saw in the reflection of the glass, she liked very much, it made her smile to herself. She thought: “Doesn't such a beauty deserve a reward?” And, casting aside all doubts, she went into the store. Her lifestyle did not allow wearing dresses often, when you are in constant movement and worries, you have to dress in comfortable clothes. But today is her day off, she is in no hurry anywhere, breathes deeply and can afford small female pranks and pleasures. And then, among the cramped rows of clothes, the same dress appeared in front of her, which she had long dreamed of, but did not even dare to find it in stores, because she knew in advance that there would be nowhere to put it on. An elegant turquoise knee length dress with a dainty strap, this color matches the color of her eyes so well.
“This is what I need today,” she thought and, without hesitation for a long time, decided to buy this expensive and dazzlingly beautiful dress.
Returning home, she began to try it on in front of the mirror and really liked herself, she smiled again and said to her reflection "I love you." This gave her so much strength and confidence that she was no longer going to stop confessing. As if there was no this old fatigue, she felt young and incredibly attractive. She left the bedroom in the same dress. The household members, enthusiastically busy with their own affairs, immediately lost interest in what they were doing when she appeared. They haven't seen her like this for a long time. Today was her day, her little triumph, and she wanted to share it with the people she loved.
She kissed the children, and tenderly whispered to her husband that she loved him.
Everyone knows that men love with their eyes. His eyes lit up like on the first day of their acquaintance, and he, without restraining feelings and tenderness, reciprocated. Their sons, dumbfounded by what was happening, rushed to hug their parents happily.
This wonderful day ended in a cozy restaurant serving the most delicious cakes in town. The whole family was back together and happy again!
Happiness and love always go hand in hand with each other in life. One cannot and should not exist without the other. And in order to be happy, loved and give joy to your family, first try to fall in love with yourself. You are unique and inimitable, and you deserve to be happy! What a beautiful dress deserves you!
Do you want to know which dress will really adorn you in the best way? Come to the author's method of Ekaterina Pankina.
Sincerely,
Svetlana Romanova
Woman, wife, mother
How to love yourself and increase self-esteem as a woman
July 4, 2018 - One comment
How can a woman learn to love herself? Yes, so that everyone looks and admires you as something inaccessibly beautiful, poured out streams of compliments and admiration! And it seems that this is how it happens in life - you are beautiful, and people see it. I just want more love and attention, more and more. There is always some kind of lack, lack, inferiority.
And all because the desired - the beautiful - remains out of reach. No one is in a hurry to give you love and enjoy your presence alone. And you are left alone with your "beauty". How to become a truly loved and desired woman? How to learn to love and respect yourself?
Let's find out in this article.
What does it mean to love yourself and be a strong woman?
The most common advice from psychologists for a happy life concerns self-esteem. Yes, just what to do with it - it's not clear. How to raise it? How to say to yourself: “You are strong! You're not afraid of anything!" and believe it? Fear sits inside and is so exhausting that it seems that there are only enemies around. That other people are the ones you need to protect yourself from.
I don’t love myself, the woman thinks, believing that this is the reason for her fears and insecurities.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains the true causes of negative states hidden in the unconscious.
I want to get rid of fear, calmly and confidently communicate with people, enjoy meetings, feel relaxed and free. To learn this, let's consider one of the vectors of the psyche, which is endowed by nature with a special talent - to experience the greatest amplitude of emotions. The vector is called visual.
Emotions are closely connected with the eyes: I saw a colorful dawn - "Beautiful...", watched a touching film - "Zhaaaalkoo ...", and tears from my eyes. The owners of the visual vector are the most amorous, emotional, beautiful, sensitive natures. The meaning of their life is only in one thing - in love. It is they who most often ask the question: how to love yourself and increase self-esteem?
Emotions are an asset of a visual person, and where they are directed determines the quality of life. On yourself - will be tormented by fear, uncertainty, anxiety. On others - there will be love, happiness, a beautiful and vibrant life.
How to start loving yourself?
When a woman asks how to love yourself, or a slightly different option - how to accept yourself the way you are, - in her heart she wants only one thing: that other people are drawn to her. After all, it is so important - to be needed, desired and loved by all.
When a woman with a visual vector can realize her innate emotional potential outward - to give love - people are drawn to her. They want to be close to those who love them. The owner of the visual vector is naturally endowed with the ability to create emotional connections.
Not I love myself, a I love - allows you to realize your natural talents, get maximum joy and happiness from their implementation. That is, when I direct feelings, emotions not at myself, but at other people, only then I create a happy life for myself.
The desire to love yourself arises from a lack of feeling love. True love does not arise in relation to oneself, but only to another person. It is enough to direct your properties, abilities, talents in the right direction - then there will be happiness, and communication, and great love.
How is the ability to express feelings developed?
An adult person differs from a child in that he realizes the properties given to him from birth for the benefit of society. In order for a child to develop fully, the most comfortable conditions must be created in childhood.
The beginning of the path of a person with a visual vector is fear: the first emotion with which he is born. Over time, as he grows up, he learns empathy. First, he sincerely regrets the plucked flower, then the cat, and then another person who is in trouble. It is very pleasant to love, and the child's soul with all its being reaches out to other people, outward, wants to develop into its opposite: out of fear - into compassion and love.
When a visual person “gives away” his emotions, this does not mean that he is left with nothing: “I am forced to give when I myself have not enough ...” - this is not so. When I create emotional connections - and this is the inner desire of a visual person - I get pleasure.
It is impossible to get love in yourself. If a person does not love himself, then he lacks love. This is very noticeable in life: no matter how much attention people pay, there is always little, you always want more. As a result, an emotional emptiness is felt in the soul, which makes one experience discomfort and self-doubt.
To learn to enjoy the return of emotions, the child needs absolute security in the family. It happens that parents suffer, experience dissatisfaction with life and break down in the family on each other. In this case, the child loses a sense of security and safety. Such an atmosphere is a reason for "getting stuck" in fears - the child simply does not have the opportunity to relax and release emotions outward, to experience the pleasure of their bestowal.
If in childhood there was always an atmosphere of threat, heaviness, hostility, then the visual child will enter adulthood, having learned to enjoy only the buildup of fear - the first and root emotion of the visual psyche. He will become an adult, but he will live according to the child model. This fact will not allow him to fully "fit" into society and reap the benefits of happy relationships with people. Questions will start to come up. how to love yourself and the like.
Every person is naturally endowed with the ability to justify himself with all his heart. You don't have to learn to love yourself. Problems arise when a person cannot love others, cannot live normally among people.
To truly love means to be able to receive joy from a sensual life among other people and be filled with it to the maximum.
How to fit into society and start enjoying life?
Society is like a dance. If you know how to fit into it - you have fun and joy. And if your actions are inappropriate, not consistent with a single rhythm, then you are constantly pushed and asked not to interfere.
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will not call you - love yourself! - it will teach you to truly enjoy life. In the modern world, there is no more effective way to solve psychological problems than realizing them as they really are.
Realizing the psyche, that is, one's innate desires, a person acquires the freedom to choose a new destiny, it becomes possible to live his life, getting the maximum joy from it.
Recently a woman came to me for a consultation. Outwardly quite attractive, makes a good impression. Therefore, the question she asked me sounded unexpected to me: “How to love yourself?”. I hear this question from my clients quite often. Moreover, almost every time I have to observe how a bad attitude towards oneself, self-rejection, self-criticism negatively affect people's lives, depriving them of joy and the opportunity to enjoy themselves and the world around them.
To love or not to love… that is the question!
I fully share the point of view that the better a person treats himself, the more chances he has to become successful and achieve his goals. Having a good attitude towards yourself increases the likelihood of achieving heights, for example, in the professional field. To love yourself means to be in harmony with yourself and the world around you, to feel confident and your own attractiveness, to respect yourself and your desires, to carry a positive charge felt by the people around you.
Dissatisfaction with oneself deprives a person of the ability to enjoy life, often leads to a lowered mood or even causes . A person who does not love himself cannot love someone else, so a common problem for such people is , inability to build productive relationships with others, lack of friends. Self-loathing is often associated with , which is fraught with dissatisfaction with oneself, one's appearance, lack of faith in oneself, constant tension and a sense of one's own worthlessness.
What does it mean to love yourself?
It is important to understand that loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Self-love is a deep acceptance of oneself as a person, as a person, self-respect and a sense of inner well-being. Self-love in this sense should also not be confused with narcissism, which is expressed through empty narcissism and excessive demonstration of one's Ego to others.
The main desire!
As soon as you decide to change the attitude towards yourself and love yourself, the process of change will begin. However, this is not an easy job, and you need to understand that it takes some time. Love yourself instantly, with a wave of a magic wand, you will not succeed. Making adjustments to your appearance is quick and easy, but truly accepting and loving your inner world can be very difficult. The process of self-acceptance takes time, but how much depends only on your desire and on your willingness to change. So where do you start?
Take care of your appearance
Let's start with what, in my opinion, is the easiest to change and transform - this is your appearance. Very often, dissatisfaction with oneself is strongly associated with dissatisfaction with one's own appearance. Moreover, it can be both real problems and imaginary ones. Many shortcomings in appearance can be easily corrected by the right choice of clothes that suit your figure, the use of cosmetics, etc. It is important to keep an eye on your appearance at all times - you do not have to be dressed in the latest fashion in trendy clothes. The main thing is that it should be clothes that you like and add self-confidence, and your overall appearance is neat and well-groomed. Take the extra 10 minutes to iron your clothes, do your hair, apply makeup, and tidy your shoes before leaving the house. Use perfume, choose a pleasant aroma for yourself that will inspire you. Do not neglect accessories: a beautiful watch or a handy handbag will once again evoke positive emotions in you, uplifting your mood and adding self-confidence.
Your mood and way of thinking determines your inner content, and as a result, your view of the world around you. Dissatisfaction with oneself causes many negative emotions, such as irritation, anger, despair, etc. Tune in a positive way, learn to enjoy the little things and the world will sparkle for you with bright colors (I wrote about how to improve your mood in the article« »
).
Follow your thoughts. Cut off all the negative epithets that come to your mind: “I'm so ugly”, “I'm so fat, I'm just awful”, “I'm a loser, I will never succeed”, etc. With an effort of will, change these phrases to positive ones that add confidence and a sense of inner well-being, for example: “I am special,” “I can achieve my goal,” “I accept myself and love who I am.”
Move forward, don't stay in one place too long. Develop yourself physically (playing sports) and intellectually (reading books, training programs or refresher courses). Find an activity or hobby that you love that will inspire you and fill you with energy and pleasure. Praise and reward yourself for any, even the most insignificant achievements. Learn to appreciate everything in your life. Pay special attention to your strengths - use them as a support to achieve your goals. If it is difficult to find advantages in yourself, ask your friends and relatives for help. Ask them to make a list of your positives. I am sure you will be surprised by the result - others will surely find many advantages in you! Accept compliments and praise - this will help build self-confidence. Learn to treat criticism not as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve.
Accept your past
Very often, dissatisfaction with yourself can be related to what you are experiencing. for some mistakes or events in the past. Try to look at the events of the past not as a failure, but as an invaluable experience that made you stronger, allowed you to become what you are now. The very realization of a perfect mistake is already work on oneself, it helps to understand and become closer to oneself. But it is important not to dwell on it, but to move forward, taking into account the experience gained in my present and future life (I wrote about how to accept my past in the article« » ).
Listen to your desires
Allow yourself to do what you want and like. We are not talking about any illegal actions or asocial acts. I mean inner freedom, the ability to choose, listen to yourself, and not be led by others. When doing something, think: do you really want this? For example, when you buy something not quite necessary in a store, you do it voluntarily, ornot to upset the seller ? Or are you going to a party because you really feel like it, or just because all your friends will be there? There are things that go against your inner beliefs or values, and it's important to notice them. Doing something against your will or violating your principles, you experience unpleasant feelings (tension, anger, sadness, dissatisfaction). They may not immediately become noticeable to you, but as they accumulate, they bring a lot of discomfort and, as a result, dissatisfaction with yourself. Sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish your desire from the imposed one. In this case, it is necessary to develop inner sensitivity and the ability to hear your inner voice (I wrote about how to do this in the article« » ).
Surround yourself with nice people
Think about the people around you. How do you feel around them? Do they fill you with energy and positivity, or do they only cause negative emotions, feelings of guilt or fear, humiliate or suppress you? Do you understand how these people got into your life and why they stay in it for so long? Give up relationships with people with whom communication does not bring you any pleasure and satisfaction, with whom you are uncomfortable interacting. Or try to keep contacts with them to a minimum (if, for example, your relationship is due to functional necessity). This process takes time and requires effort. But if you set such a goal for yourself, you will definitely achieve it. Build relationships with people who inspire you, fill you with energy and positive, from whom you want to take an example and change for the better.
No need to look for a reason to love yourself!If you want to be a happy person - be one! Fill your life with positive emotions, good mood, pleasant people, bright events - and you will notice how your attitude towards the world and yourself will change for the better. And the world, in turn, will surely answer you in the same way.
I want to invite all women to a special one. It is about how a woman can love herself, become more confident, cope with life's difficulties, be in harmony with herself and the world around her! The training program "The ABC of a Woman" can be viewed.
With care for you, gestalt therapist.
One of my girlfriends has no luck with men. Or rather, “bad luck” is not the right word. They just avoid it like moths avoid naphthalene. And this is all the more surprising because she is a pretty thirty-year-old woman with a pleasant figure and no less pleasant own apartment in Minsk. Clever, teaches at the university, dresses well, looks after herself - and once again complains in a cozy kitchen over a cup of tea: they say, there are no men around, and if they do, then goats and a natural disaster in one bottle.
I once again think: well, why are glorious, successful women, having passed all exams for building a career with excellent marks, so often get a complete “failure” in their personal lives? You look at the other one - the mouse is gray, and that's all, but it twirls its fans as it wants. What is there in it, since men peck like a pike on a lure? Well-known Russian psychologist and trainer Inna Chori answers the "eternal" women's questions.
Inna Chori is a psychoanalyst, sexologist, author and host of popular trainings to increase female sexuality and self-confidence. Author of the programs: “Psycho-sexual development of adolescents”, “Three-stage program: Secrets of Femininity, Placers of the night (sex techniques), Secrets of Scheherazade”, “Sex toys: fashion for pleasure”, “Women's power”, “How to please a woman (program exclusively for men)”, “Workshop Bitch”.
Received two higher educations (defectology department of the Herzen Russian State Pedagogical University and the East European Institute of Psychoanalysis). She is happily married and believes that any reasonable woman can do it. Her trainings are an incredible combination of modern psychology, oriental sexual techniques and educational methods of the Smolny Institute for Noble Maidens. And all this serves only one purpose - to make a woman happy.
Inna, why are smart, attractive, businesslike women often unsuccessful in relationships with men? The opposite sex really divides us into "horror, how smart" and "charm, what fools"?
When a woman begins to create a business, she learns to act like a man - aggressively, assertively. In business, without it, nowhere. She carries the same pattern of behavior to many areas of life. It is inevitable that those around her begin to perceive her in accordance with her behavior - as a man.
I still believe that the main sphere of realization of a woman is in the family and children. Of course, a true woman should have her own business: an occupation that brings her pleasure. It can also serve to make money. The problem arises when a business woman "forgets" to switch from a "male" model of behavior to a "female" one.
Do you want to do business for health. But get yourself a clear role switch. At work, I am a manager, teacher, leader, and at home or in relationships with men, I am woman. I am not afraid to express my emotions, seem fragile and weak.
Dear girls, the most important thing to learn is to be natural. Don't hide your strengths and weaknesses. If necessary, tell the man about your worries, anxieties and fears. For some reason, strong women often do not allow themselves this. And in vain. You don't see how easy it is for a woman to get everything she wants from men in life. Without straining, without breaking yourself, but simply with the help of sincerity, the ability, when you need to "be weak", not to go into a scandal, but to find workarounds.
Many "business sharks" in a skirt, who realized this, wonderfully married, created good families. But this requires a lot of inner work. You need to find that "little girl" that lives somewhere inside you - spontaneous, emotional, fragile, in need of protection. At my trainings, participants recall their childhood - in order to emerge from these memories, as in fairy tales, from a cauldron of rejuvenating water, renewed and harmonious.
Secret weapon: the image of the "blonde"
Sometimes you look: the girl is so stupid that she even takes anger. But the men around her and revolve
The image of the “blonde” yes, the very anecdotal one, is our powerful secret weapon. Do not underestimate them! And keep in mind: to be a “correct blonde”, you need a sharp mind and a lot of practice. If you don’t succeed the first time, don’t be upset - this, like many other things, can be learned.
Men are Don Quixote by nature You just need to help them feel like knights in shining armor, rushing to the aid of a beautiful Lady. We, modern women, are so independent - well, just to the point of nausea. We will install Windows ourselves and hammer a nail into the wall. But let the men prove themselves - at least carry a bag with purchases to the bus stop! I say things so simple and obvious that it's even embarrassing. Meanwhile, many women do not even imagine what a stunning effect the entry into the role of "blonde" can give.
One of my clients after the Women's Power training decided to try the image of a blonde, so to speak, in practice. And in the purest, uncomplicated form. The girl has been driving a car for a long time, she is well versed in technology. She arrived at a gas station, approached the worker and, innocently batting her eyelashes, said: “Help me, please, I don’t remember where to put the gun.” Then she admitted: “I expected that they would look at me like I was a fool and send me to hell.” However, the effect was completely unexpected. Nearly half of the men present gathered around her! And the car was refueled, and entertained with conversations, and even invited for a cup of coffee.
Allow yourself to be casual sometimes. In response to an insane offer to break into a “burning” diving tour or make love on the roof, wave your hand at least once: “Come on! And how much of that life! Men in their hearts remain boys until old age - gambling, adoring "show off" And women? Women, on the contrary, often pretend to be strict "teachers". And what does it give? Remember the story of Malvina and Pinocchio? “Teach your spiderlings better,” said Pinocchio and ran away from the beauty with blue hair through the closet window. If a woman is a child in her soul, a girl with bows, the man next to her feels good and comfortable. They love those. These sometimes even leave the family, leaving the boring "teachers".
Put the man in the passport
Why do some offer a hand and a heart almost at every step, while others are stubbornly unlucky? Tell us as a psychologist: what fatal mistakes prevent us from “putting” a man not in bed, but in a passport?
The most important rule sounds paradoxical: if you want to be married, don't wait for it! Do not get hung up on this desire, do not strangle a man with your expectation. Do not let him feel that you are dragging him to the registry office "on a rope." He immediately wants to "break away" and run away.
There is no need to pretend to be indifferent. Just lower the value of the object slightly for myself. There can and should be other interests in your life. Go about your business, personal development, communicate with friends, go to the cinema and theaters, realize yourself in a hobby. Do not sit by the phone, like Alyonushka by the pond, waiting for His calls.
And do not bombard Him with calls, demanding an account of where he is and with whom. Even if you are jealous and worried - make an effort, pull yourself together! "Where are you? and “What are you doing now” are the scariest questions a woman can ask a man. They almost always cause a negative reaction: the partner feels that you are encroaching on the most sacred and dear - his freedom. Even a husband shouldn't ask such questions! The same can be found out in a roundabout way: “Darling, can you speak now?”
Create healthy competition around you. This is not about deliberately inciting the jealousy of a partner. But many women make a mistake when they decide: “I have a loved one, and now I don’t need any suitors, I will communicate with other men only when necessary.”
Live the life you lived - chat with friends, accept flowers from fans. This will allow you to be “in good shape”, feel beautiful and unique, and make a man make a decision faster.
Another mistake, paradoxically, is formulated as follows: "I will not be imposed on him, which means that I will be valuable to him." A woman has been agreeing to a civil marriage for years, not daring to talk about the development of relations.
Yes, you don’t have to get hung up on marriage, you don’t need to give it super value, but if after a year of constant relationship a man hasn’t asked you to get married, it’s time to think about it. If he tells you that he is not ready for family life - in most cases this is not an "excuse", but a sad truth. Think carefully about whether you need such a partner. Or maybe it’s worth ending an unpromising relationship?
There are many techniques for “squeezing” men, which nevertheless allow them to be brought to the door of the registry office. I talk about these techniques in detail in my trainings. To briefly express their essence - do not let a man guess how important legal marriage is to you. Just create a situation where he is required to make that choice.
The very, very important secret of female attractiveness and charm - what is it? What does it take to be a winner in life and just a happy woman?
Charm consists of many features: appearance, gait and plasticity of movements, the notorious ability to “apply oneself”, the timbre of the voice. All this is easy enough to learn. But the most important thing is the inner state of happiness. Carry yourself through life like a cup full of light. Enter a state of inner happiness, joy, admiration for yourself. This thought will shine in your eyes and maintain your proud posture.
See what's happening on the streets. Here comes a woman, her back is crooked, her eyes are on the floor, her face is extinct - she does not love herself, who can like her ?! Men respond primarily to the impulse of happiness and pleasure coming from a woman. Subconsciously, every man is looking for the one that can bring happiness and joy into his life.
My main task as a psychologist and sexologist is to teach a woman to "drug" from herself, and not to look for wrinkles on the pope and cellulite under a microscope. Cultivate an inner sense of your own exclusivity and uniqueness. Remember, you are your own value. And you will succeed!
For the first time in Minsk, Inna Chori's training "Women's Power" on May 15-16.
Tel.: (+375 29) 646-69-44 (Elena)
Details on trainingclub.by
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