Deborah McNamara is a clinical counseling psychologist and educator with over 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents, and adults. He is on the faculty of the Neufeld Institute, runs his own counseling practice, and regularly lectures on child and adolescent development to parents, kindergarten teachers, educators, and psychologists.
I am a teacher and have always looked forward to September, although when it arrives before school starts, I start having nightmares: phone calls that I can’t answer, missing students, or a forgotten lesson plan. But despite these imaginary nightmares that never materialized, I always felt there was something special about the start of a new school year: meeting new students and trying to help them learn to learn.
During the summer, I study the curriculum and create new lesson plans, and my students start whining as the summer draws to a close. I never attached any importance to this, sincerely believing that the time will come when they will start to enjoy being in school.
But as the first month of school passes, I remember that learning is not only influenced by the class, the instruments, the program, or myself. Teachers are responsible for creating a productive learning environment, and parents play a key role in ensuring that a child comes to school ready to learn.
From a teacher's point of view, there are many ways parents can help their child succeed in school. And although many of these methods are nothing more than the manifestation of common sense, they usually remain in the shadow of more scientific considerations and are underestimated. The basis is a simple postulate: when school and family work together, children's school success is guaranteed.
Here's what parents can do to make their child enjoy school and learn with interest:
1. Organize and deal with the difficulties that come up in the process of learning
Any study assumes that you are pulled out of a cozy "I know it." Learning immerses in discoveries and questions, takes apart what is already known and puts it back together in a different order, and in the process the student changes. But many become uncomfortable, because they have to step on the shaky ground of the unclear, to feel insecure among the new.
I have always told students that if a teacher cares about their learning, he will not create hothouse conditions for them. The student's duty is not to be offended, but to understand that if there is someone who believes in their ability to learn and grow, it is a gift.
Parents can help the child cope with new experiences, calm the storm of emotions and enter the learning process.
It is important not to always try to "save" the child from discomfort - an integral part of the educational process, it is important to convince the child that you are always ready to support him on an independent journey. Also, blaming the teacher for making the child difficult to learn is unlikely to help build a good relationship with the teacher or instill confidence in the child that he or she is capable of coping with the difficulties that have arisen.
It happens that children need the support of adults and even their intervention in order to identify and overcome a difficult situation. Such support will be much more effective if there is a good relationship of trust between the teacher and parents.
2. Help your child adjust
A child may not like a lot in school: changes end too quickly, everyone has different wants and needs, someone needs to be waited for, rules must be followed. At school, there are many seemingly meaningless phenomena that become part of life and cannot be controlled. Some children adjust more easily, partly because of the support at home.
Often the child's irritability becomes a signal of an unfavorable situation: it means that something went wrong. Frustration can pour out on brothers and sisters, on loved ones, and it happens that this becomes a common after-school phenomenon. If you find words that help describe the problem, find patterns of communication that need to be corrected, then the disorder may decrease and the child will more easily adjust to the situation as a whole. Tears can also be appropriate in the process of adaptation, and parents, while supporting the child in accepting a situation that he cannot change, should not lose patience and warmth.
3. Maintain a strong bond with children
When a child has strong and tender bonds with adults at home, they are unlikely to be "greedy" for school attachments. If children do not spend all their energy on making friends and thus satisfying their thirst for relationships, it will be easier for them to focus, not to succumb to unhealthy peer connections, and if other children do not accept them, then resentment and bitterness will be less.
Schools today are experiencing a paradigm shift towards peer orientation. Children come to school just to be with their friends. Adults in school become a secondary phenomenon, lessons are an annoying inconvenience, and guiding values are peer groups, not schools. When peers are prioritized, children stop learning. If parents have a good relationship with their children, then children will be free to build healthy relationships with their peers and follow the adults in the school environment and learn from them.
4. Help the child build a constructive relationship with the teacher and the school
When children see that their parents like their teacher and school, they themselves begin to trust the adults at school more. Parents should play an active role and tune in to the teacher's wavelength, get to know each other as much as possible, speak warmly about the teacher, show trust, orient the child to the school culture and school rules, and make sure that the relationship with the teacher is on the right track. If adults are actively involved in introducing the child to the people who will be responsible for him, then the child will fit better into the new situation. There is a sense of security and peace, and then you can focus on your studies.
5. Limit modern technology
Children cling to modern technology to cope with boredom, connect with friends, or take their minds off problems (the same thing happens with adults). To prevent the latest technology from becoming a time stealer when it interferes with doing homework, playing games or being with loved ones, it is necessary to build and maintain healthy habits with devices. At the beginning of the school year, in many families the situation with technology is controlled, but life becomes more and more stressful, and we slide off the chosen trajectory. When creating restrictions, parents must take care of their children and strictly adhere to the established rules.
Teachers and schools should also set rules for the use of modern technology to create a safe and productive learning environment. The rules depend on age, but in any case, it is better to check with the parents what the rules are and stick to them. Increasingly, schools are faced with the problem of schoolchildren who have gone to social networks and have not returned to school. The digital world has made the boundaries between home and school weaker, so parental supervision and supervision is essential to prevent possible problems.
6. Follow the schedule and school rules
The rules, schedules and schedule of the school are planned in advance, the curriculum must be carried out, the weekend must be a rest. When parents help their child adjust to school, days in the classroom are easier and more productive. When children are constantly late, do not prepare for the lesson, they do not have the necessary items and they are not helped at home to find what they need, or the children leave at the height of the term, it is much harder to teach and study. Parents should help the child get used to the schedule, teach them to relax after school, recover and return to school full of energy.
7. Leave time for the game
Children at school work, although many teachers try to make the learning process interesting and exciting. In order for the child to have the opportunity to learn all the new material and be ready for further study, it is necessary to give him the opportunity to play and relax. Perhaps there are other things to do after school, but it is equally important to sometimes leave the child alone and not bother him, killing his curiosity. Adults may find such a pastime unproductive, but children need rest in order to have a good and interesting time at school.
If you force a child to work too much, he will become reluctant to study and to us - a protective mechanism is triggered. There is a time to study and a time to rest. Parents should help the child organize his world and find opportunities for both the first and the second.
8. Leave homework to the child
Homework battles kill good relationships and are unlikely to help a child find intrinsic motivation to learn. If you see a responsible attitude (or the beginnings of one) in a child towards learning, do not prevent them from deciding when and how they will do homework and what help they need from their parents. When parents do not shout about their demands (“homework must be done!”), When the child himself takes responsibility (when, where and how he will do “homework”), then he will resist less. The goal of parents is to help create a schedule, structure the day and support the child in the process of doing homework. Don't start a battle over homework control: it will destroy the child's desire to learn and parental authority.
9. Communicate with the teacher and maintain a good relationship with him
When both the teacher and the parents strive for a good relationship, the children win. Ideally, it's good to start communicating before problems arise or turn into disaster. I always thought it would be better if students or parents came to me when the problem was in its infancy, because then I had more opportunities to help. It is important to remember that the teacher and parents see the child in different environments, and discussing a different point of view can be very helpful.
If there is a problem, striving to maintain goodwill and relationships is necessary, but requires a mature view of the situation from all involved. For me, the most productive meetings are always where parents try to focus on how to help the child, and do not blame him and the teacher for all the sins.
10. Support the child when there are problems with peers
At school, it is almost impossible to protect a child from bullying by other children. It happens that children feel rejected, insulting words are heard against them, evil gossip is spread. When problems arise with peers, parents need to wipe their children's tears at home and find words to help describe what happened. It is important for a child to feel the support of parents. If your child has problems with classmates, talk to the teacher. He has his own ways to help children both in the classroom and outside of class (of course, the teacher himself must express his willingness to participate in the process).
In the baggage of the student should be reliable support and love of loved ones. The teacher strives to create a safe environment in the classroom where there is no room for oppression of the weak or humiliation of anyone, but the teacher does not see (and cannot see) everything that happens from the sports ground to the classroom. Fortunately, if parents have a good relationship with their children, the child is more stable and reacts less to the immaturity of others.
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There are many interesting things on the student's list that he would love to do, just to not go to school: watch TV, work on the Internet, go shopping, read interesting books, play video games. Nothing bothers him, and we felt the same when we were at that age. But what do you do when things get out of control and your child walks into school with a feeling of dread or anxiety? Here are some tips to help your child get rid of negative attitudes towards school: Is your child bored? School is the same work, and it will not always be fun there. You cannot take children out of the reality of life, but you can try to instill in him an interest in learning. The first step is care and attention. Sit next to him, ask him about what is happening at school, look at his notebooks and diary. Also, very smart children can get bored in the classroom if the work in the classroom is too easy for them. You can talk to the teacher and ask him to increase his workload to arouse his child's interest in learning. Is your child overloaded? It happens that children make a lot of efforts in order to perform tasks well and keep up with classmates. But it is very hard for them. The child feels that no matter how hard he tries, he does not manage to do everything well, and he simply refuses to go further. Ask his teacher what can be done to help him and make the learning process easier. Does your child hate the teacher? In this case, it is necessary to talk with the child and find out the cause of the misunderstanding. Why does he have negative feelings towards the teacher? What happened? You should not immediately make claims to the teacher, as the perception of your child may be unreasonable. If the teacher really did something wrong, was too demanding, you just have to explain how to behave in this situation. But if the problem becomes more serious, the baby shows signs of stress, you need to intervene and communicate with the teacher, not blame him, but bring him to his attention, and try to improve their relationship. Is your child having problems with classmates? Sometimes the problem is not with the school, but with the children. Are they bullying? If he has communication problems? Did he get into a fight with his best friend? Encourage him to share his feelings, and look for ways to build trust. You may need the help of a psychologist, but do not forget that only love and understanding can easily save your child from school-related problems. And you can also pray! After all, prayer expresses love for your child. A mother's prayer for the well-being of children always truly works wonders!
On our website about child psychology: The child's craving for knowledge is so great that he will certainly fit in somewhere and do something. This is how it is expressed child psychology.How to relate to the tricks of the baby? Here is a classic life situation, which can be used to understand the huge difference in the perception of children and adults: active child I climbed into my favorite service and broke a crystal glass. How do parents react? For them, a broken glass is a pile of rubbish on the floor; next, the fear active child cut yourself, anger and regret over the loss of a beautiful thing, which, moreover, costs money. Most likely, the child will be scolded, shamed, maybe slapped on the pope. But what the child sees and feels: "What a beautiful little thing is standing there." He takes a chair, climbs in, touches a glass. "There are pictures here, you can feel them. How cold. I wonder if it is tasty?" He raises his glass. "And heavy..." The glass falls, breaking into thousands of sparkling and iridescent fragments. "How beautiful." Little explorer, our active child smiling, clapping his hands in delight ... And then mom and dad come running to the noise. "Mom screams a lot, I must have done something bad" Wide-open eyes fill with tears ... In such cases, you should not scold too much active child, as this can discourage learning, which may even affect school performance in the future. He should explain to him why his mother was so upset and tell him not to do that. And, of course, you need to make sure that active child did not use your excessive kindness, otherwise he will sit on his neck. In general, stick to the golden mean, without going to extremes in a fit of emotions, and then you will be proud of your children. If you want to be an authority for your child even when the word "child" stops being addressed to your active child, you should know some methods from child psychology that will allow you to grow from your inquisitive active child decent and good person. Rule number 1. The word "no" is the law. Any healthy child begins to understand human speech from 2-2.5 years. From the same age, one should explain to the baby what is good and what is bad. Or more precisely, to teach a child not to eat sand, not to pull wires, not to grab animals, etc. All this can be done with a single word - the word "no". After all child psychology extremely flexible. Rule number 2. Punishment without screaming and beating. In no case do not hit the child and do not raise your voice at him. This will be a rough blow to child psychology. The most effective punishment for a child from five years old is a corner, for a child from two to five - a high chair or a step. When punishing, be sure to explain mobile child what he is punished for and what he must do to remove the punishment. Attempts to run away from the corner / get off the chair or steps immediately stop by returning active child to the place of punishment with the words: "You are punished (a) and you will sit here"! Takova child psychology!Rule number 3. Be responsible for your words. No matter how funny and childish it may sound, but if you do not keep your words, your authority in the eyes of a child is inexorably falling. This is how it works child psychology! So if you say mobile child that he will play the computer for half an hour, you should not feel sorry for the baby and succumb to his persuasion when the specified period expires, and you don’t want to leave because of the monitor. Otherwise active child he will understand that you can be easily "broken" by tears or pleas, and you can not listen to your words at all - say one thing and do another. Of course, this is far from everything that smart parents should know, but following these three simple rules will make life much easier for you and yours. mobile child and well strengthen child psychology.
2011-06-26 14:54:11 All articles about children's health and problems of mother and child on our website
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The beginning of a new academic year is just around the corner, but not everyone is happy about the approach of the Day of Knowledge. Some children admit that they hate school and would like to extend their summer holidays. The research center of the recruiting portal tried to find out the reason for such negative emotions.
According to the majority of respondents (26%), the reason for the hostility of children towards school lies in relationships with peers: “Children are cruel creatures. Conflicts between peers at school can sometimes be very violent.” Unrequited love, bullying and banter from classmates can discourage school attendance for a long time, they say.
Every fifth participant in the survey (20%) claims that hatred for school is instilled in children by teachers, who often do not help young creatures prepare for adulthood, but, on the contrary, humiliate them in every possible way and refuse to see a person in a child. “At one time, it was the teachers who discouraged me from going to school”; “Of course, this is a relationship with teachers who themselves have not achieved anything in life and come off on the students”; “A mediocre teacher is grief,” the respondents comment.
16% of Russians blame the children themselves for what is happening, who, in their opinion, are simply lazy and do not want to study. Another 13% of respondents tend to think that the younger generation's hatred of school is formed by parents who force children to study "excellently" and thereby turn a child's life into hell.
According to 8% of Russians, the hostility of some children to school is due to the fact that they waste time in it, studying things that will never be useful in life. “I hate school, and it’s good that I unlearned. 80% of school information will never be useful to me, that's for sure! “During my school years, I fiercely hated mathematics and the teacher, who humiliated the whole class. And what is the result? Sinuses, tangents, etc. were not useful in life, and a lot of nerves were killed, ”recall the respondents.
7% of respondents offered their own versions of why schoolchildren do not like school: “school is not interesting”, “the education system as a whole is to blame”, “family and upbringing is to blame”, “children just get tired”, “this is normal for 90% of children” .
It is curious that women are more likely to look for the cause of children's hatred of school in bad relationships with teachers and peers, as well as in pressure from parents, while men are more likely to blame children for laziness and carelessness.
10% of respondents found it difficult to answer: “I think that there are all reasons. Not only lazy people hate school.
Location of the survey: Russia, all districts
Customer: New news
Settlements: 210
Time: August 28-30, 2012
Study population: economically active population of Russia over 18 years old
Sample size: 1600 respondents
Question:
“Some kids admit they hate school. What do you think it is connected with in the first place?
The answers of the respondents were distributed as follows:
| Answer options | All | Floor | Having children | ||
| husband | wives | There is | Not | ||
| Only lazy people who don't want to study hate school. | 16% | 20% | 12% | 15% | 17% |
| At school, children waste time learning things that will never be useful in life. | 8% | 8% | 7% | 6% | 9% |
| Children suffer from conflicts with peers | 26% | 23% | 29% | 25% | 28% |
| Children are humiliated by teachers who refuse to see students as individuals | 20% | 16% | 24% | 23% | 16% |
| Parents force their children to study perfectly, making their lives hell | 13% | 12% | 15% | 13% | 14% |
| Other | 7% | 8% | 6% | 8% | 6% |
| Difficult to answer | 10% | 13% | 7% | 10% | 10% |
Some comments from respondents:
"School is hated only by lazy people who don't want to study" - 16%
“And when they grow up, they will hate going to work or working at all.”
Foreman, 50 years old, Nefteyugansk
“If you yourself see only positive things in every peer, if you keep up the conversation based on your erudition, then you will quickly be respected and you will always want to go to school and study. If you have conflicts with teachers, be patient and prove that you mean something, then you will definitely be set as an example to others, just don’t be proud and lazy.”
Head of department, 47 years old, Penza
“Often, parents do not psychologically prepare their children for school, do not form the child's responsibility for his life. So it's largely the fault of the parents."
Chief engineer, 45 years old, Moscow
“Now the school is different, it is very different from the one in which we studied. There were other relationships with teachers. Less material, more spiritual. The teachers really messed with us, and we appreciated it. Times are very different now, and if a child is lazy, it means that the teacher is not interested in him or he is boringly presenting the material. Lazy people are not born, they are made. And the school is also to blame for this.
Lawyer, 47 years old, Ryazan
“At school, children waste time learning things that will never be useful in life” - 8%
“Lots of real life examples. Four or five classes are enough for everything about everything.
Proofreader, 51 years old, Moscow
“I hate school, and it’s good that I unlearned. 80% of school information will never be useful to me, that's for sure!
Administrator, 19 years old, Khabarovsk
“Unfortunately, in our reality, the future of a child does not depend in any way on the education he has received: you can be a janitor with a degree or a wealthy dunce.”
Legal adviser, 26 years old, Moscow
“During my school years, I fiercely hated mathematics and the teacher, who humiliated the whole class. And what is the result? Sinuses, tangents, etc. were not useful in life, and a lot of nerves were killed.
Assistant Secretary, 26 years old, Moscow
"Children suffer from conflicts with peers" - 26%
“I myself had violent conflicts with classmates, my son moved to another school due to conflicts and no longer maintained relations with his former classmates.”
Design engineer, 56 years old, Glazov
“All children are happy if they can not go to school. The school always contains a certain element of violence against the child (without it, education is ineffective!), And there are few masochists among children. And if the child still cannot establish himself among his peers and teachers, then the only thing left to do is to hate the school.”
Database Administrator, 39 years old, Kazan
“Children are cruel creatures. Conflicts between peers at school can sometimes be very violent.”
Leading geologist, 31 years old, Blagoveshchensk
“Some children are oppressed by heated relationships with peers. Today's youth, in my opinion, has become so cruel that children are simply reluctant to endure it and they are forced to come up with various excuses in order not to go to this hell (school).
Waiter, 18 years old, Saratov
“Children are humiliated by teachers who refuse to see personalities in schoolchildren” - 20%
“Children are born geniuses, and the school makes people out of them.”
Production site foreman, 53 years old, Omsk
“Teachers often act as guardians-legislators, not paying attention to their direct official duties. That is, instead of conducting lessons in one breath, teachers are distracted by the appearance of students, their behavior in the classroom, etc. They forget that if the lesson is interesting, the children will observe discipline and rein in the notorious bad guys who interfere with the whole class.
HR manager, 37 years old, Rostov-on-Don
“Now there are no teachers, only random teachers…”
Deputy Director for Research, 58 years old, Ivanovo
“I hated my second school (the last 3 years of study). Mediocre teachers, mediocre teaching. Any encroachment on the teacher's authority ended in reprisals from other teachers and a "friendly debriefing" involving the entire class. Frank "squeezing" out of the school of successful students who dare to have their own opinion. Alas, to this day the same problem occurs in other schools. I never go to school for meetings, because apart from a feeling of injustice and abomination I feel nothing ... "
Chief Accountant, 46 years old, Moscow
“Teachers cannot interest children, teachers don’t care, and children, in turn, don’t care about learning.”
Trainee, 19 years old, Rostov-on-Don
“Of course, this is a relationship with teachers who themselves have not achieved anything in life and come off on the students.”
Deputy Director, 23 years old, Saratov
"Parents make their children learn excellently, making their life hell" - 13%
"The parents are to blame."
Development Manager, 30 years old, Astrakhan
“I chose the option that is closest to me. But conflicts with peers are also a cause of hatred for the school.”
Curator, 23 years old, St. Petersburg
"Other" - 7%
“The reasons must be considered in the complex. This is insufficient education on the part of parents, and, of course, the school atmosphere. There's a whole bunch of problems here! Starting from the lack of a well-thought-out state training program, low qualification of the teaching staff, insufficient material and technical base, etc., etc.
Head of department, 49 years old, Rostov-on-Don
“Change of priorities! Unqualified teachers, general low level of development, modern education system!”
Accountant, 45 years old, Saratov
“In each case, you need to look for your own reason.”
Sales manager, 53 years old, Volgograd
“The main thing in our life is survival. Children learn from adults about conflict and evil. School is a reflection of our society. Injustice, resentment, contempt of comrades - one of the many reasons for not wanting to attend a school where you are not loved and humiliated. Such a subject as the moral autonomy of the individual is not studied at school. And the personality of the child is just being formed at school.
Deputy Director for Production, 51 years old, St. Petersburg
"Family and bad upbringing are to blame."
Director, 48 years old, Volgograd
“It seems to me that the main reason is laziness and addiction. After all, they make you work (strain your brain) and oblige you to live not the way you want, but according to the schedule.
Lawyer, 56, St. Petersburg
“Morally obsolete education system. Feedback is missing or not working. In my humble opinion, there should be an individual approach, one teacher - one student. And what the teacher broadcasts in the lesson can be read like that. It is better to spend this time on each individual child, after all, a teacher is a teacher, not an announcer. This will make it possible to develop a learning program for each child in accordance with his abilities.
Mechanical engineer, 26 years old, Kabansk
“School is not interesting. We need more interactive games, conversation lessons, brain rings, etc.”
Office manager, 24 years old, Saratov
“Children hate school, in my opinion, because they have to get up early, and after school they have to do their homework ...”
Chief archivist, 38 years old, St. Petersburg
"It's normal for 90% of kids."
Chief Accountant, 52 years old, St. Petersburg
"Difficult to answer" - 10%
“I think that there are all reasons. Not only lazy people hate school.
Project manager, 50 years old, Moscow
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According to adults, children hate school because of conflicts with peers
When children tell their parents that something is hard for them, they usually hear in response that they just have to try. But how ready are the parents themselves to make efforts where they are not very good at it?
Not everyone is easy to learn. When someone needs more time to understand something, it does not mean that he is lazy. It is worth explaining to the child that the knowledge that is given at school is needed; even if they are not needed in life, training trains the ability to reflect, highlight the main thing and draw conclusions. And it will definitely come in handy in the future. If your time and patience is not enough, you can seek help from a tutor.