The idea is not mine, but the topic seemed interesting ...
What about those people who are unpleasant for some reason?
It doesn't matter for what - whether it's character, appearance, style of clothing or behavior, gait, whatever ... etc. etc.
Of course, all people are different, this is understandable, but ...
Should they be tolerant and friendly? Or do not keep those who are unpleasant next to you, but simply endure them?
What are the motives and reasons for your decision?
Any situations are considered - starting from real life (from love to career), and ending with virtual communication.
Squirrel
well, people who are not pleasant to me know about it
well, with people like that, communication was limited to greetings and farewells
mousetrap
The question is really interesting)) But rather, even funny. Especially this one:
))))) And what can be done with it? If, for example, he is not guilty that his appearance / character / behavior / habits, etc. I don't like..
Let him live)) Do not throw them from the balcony ..
If I don’t like a person for some intelligible and justified reason, the presence of which he himself knows, then, I think, communication, if any, will be very rare. If I don’t like this same person because I’m so picky, ambitious, capricious and nervous (for example, don’t think that I combine all these nasty things in myself - no, only a small part of them))) - then I will get used to it and look for the cause in myself, that is, not to blame my hostility on this poor man.
That is, the output is:
If he is bad in itself - his fault, let him correct himself (if he wants).
If he is good, but something does not suit me - the reason is in me => I will find it and try to destroy it, preferably imperceptibly - after all, there is nothing to offend a good person ...
Black eyes
Do not communicate closely. And everyone is guaranteed the absence of negative emotions
Everyone is talking about real communication. But surely there is someone in the virtual world with whom it is unpleasant for you to communicate. who spoils your mood and possibly takes away energy and strength. What do you do in this case?
Squirrel
I begin to cling and find fault with this person for every trifle. In general, they like to mock such people.
But seriously, I begin to see in him a MAN with his past, mistakes, some life experience, lessons that he learned from certain situations, his delusions and sometimes his blind rightness. Helps. Acceptance of a person as he is immediately turns on.
Yes, the question is really on the verge of fantasy .... What to do with a forehead that is not pretty. Do not communicate, since everything is so running. And to judge a person by his style of clothing and favorite direction in music is just stupid, IMHO. The only good reason of all named is character. The rest is just irrelevant.
It is easier to avoid such people - why strain yourself and them once again. And if I am forced to see each other often due to circumstances (I live in the same house or study in the same group) - just try, if possible, to reduce communication to nothing. Take a breath of air and count to 10. Most often, the behavior of a person infuriates, and the manner of dressing still says almost nothing. If a person is good, then let him at least put on a bag, I don’t care.
Discussing unpleasant people with friends is very relaxing. Rinse the bones well and feel relief.
Murrpau
But all this is very difficult. Isn't it easier to just ignore this person? Let him live as he wants. After all, delving into someone else's soul, you give away both a piece of your own and some kind of reserve of vitality, right? Is it worth it to waste your energy on a person who, in general, you do not need, maybe even harmful to you?
Threat. these are not conclusions. This is an attempt at analysis.
Added:
MariTa
In my opinion, this is not an option. Personally, after such washings, I want to wash myself.
If a person is unpleasant to me, then the matter is in his inner world. I simply do not violate its boundaries and demand the same in return. Why waste precious minutes of your life on a person who annoys you? Usually, although I am a very peaceful creature, such people know about my attitude towards them, they know what the problem is and do not interfere with me.
And the discussion of common acquaintances "behind the eyes" - fi ... it's ugly ... and simply indecent. This humiliates and offends, first of all, those who discuss it. If we talk about someone else, then only good. IMHO.
Ola-la-13
+1
Squirrel
It is not necessary to delve into someone else's soul, especially virtually, in order to see a little man behind dry black-and-white posts. True, personally, it’s not the character of a person that virtually causes hostility in me (although sometimes this too), but the discrepancy between points of view on fundamental issues.
Murrpau
You need to have a fairly stable psyche so that you can see a little man in anyone. Well done!
I have enough acquaintances so that I do not cling to every human being. Especially for the one I don't like.
Possible options -
1. A certain individual is unpleasant to me, and I know what does not suit me in him. Moreover, this is clearly something serious, because otherwise hostility would not have arisen - in extreme cases, irritation from the fact that the individual is clearly messing up somewhere. And if it’s unpleasant, then what for do I need it? I clearly explain what I don’t like about him and why I will stop communicating with him right now.
2. Unpleasant, but on an intuitive level. Then I automatically set the highest protection against the individual at the psychological level, remove trust in absolutely all matters, and carefully try to understand what is so alarming about it. Then there are two options for the development of events - either I satisfy my curiosity and stop all communication, or I stop communication in advance - if there is no curiosity or if it is very alarming.
3. Unpleasant, and the reason is in me. I understand that the individual is not to blame. Therefore, if he needs something from me, and I already managed to promise him this, I do it and stop communicating. Honestly explaining to him what's what.
---
In any case, I will not maintain a relationship with an individual that is unpleasant to me.
In the virtual world... Only few people can spoil my mood, let alone take away my energy and strength in real life. What can we say about the network. if the individual is unpleasant - again, I don’t communicate with her, that’s all.
If you don't like a person, try to ignore him. If for some reason this is not possible, try to reduce your contacts with him to a minimum.
Well, if you don’t like him, get bored, and you can afford to save yourself from communicating with him, feel free to go to him ...
Among other things, the matter is simplified by the fact that antipathy - like sympathy - is usually mutual. If someone is unpleasant to me, then I am unpleasant to him as well, we give up communication - and no one will be offended. Although, this is optional, of course. I remember Dale Carnegie wrote a lot about how to deal with people you don't like. Read if interested.
But, for example, such a situation. An unpleasant man at work sits opposite. And he constantly tries to provoke you into a scandal. What do you do in such a case?
Piranha fish
Squirrel, I have not had such situations at work! It hasn't been for a long time! You know, at first I smile at all provocations, laugh it off, but not evil. This usually works. Well, if it does not work, then I ask what the problem is. And not to make a scandal, but just to understand. I approached and said: “I need to talk to you without witnesses. Give me 15 minutes. Well, there it’s already according to the situation. to be friends, then to exist not in an environment as close as possible to combat.
You should always speak, not carry it in yourself. And the golden rule: "Do not complain to anyone about the offender! (All claims to him personally !!!)" There should be no exceptions, unless, of course, you work with a close, trusted friend whom you know from childhood and are more confident in her than in yourself.
To score on such people, not to try to correct them - it will come out more expensive for yourself later. If you got into society with such people, just don’t communicate and pretend that they don’t exist for you. Feeling angry towards them, behaving aggressively and the like is not worth it, it's low, and there are no ideal people in the world.
If a person is unpleasant to me, I cannot hide my dislike for him.
I get it randomly
Piranha fish
That's just the point, I know the reason. Actually, there are two of them:
1. I have a higher position, and therefore a salary
2. Men pay more attention to me than to other employees.
That is, you understood that I have such a problem. It's useless to talk to her. She will otmazatsya, will transfer arrows to me.
It's hard to change a person. Moreover, having gained confidence in the financial director (woman), she completely let go of the brakes.
Therefore, I simply do not react to her jokes. I learned to completely switch off when she starts a topic.
Piranha fish
Fuck_them_all, Eileen, maybe I'm not right. But it's one thing when you meet such a person at a party and you won't see him later. Or you study on the stream, where there are a lot of people. You can not communicate with him and do not hide your dislike for him. And if you work with him and his desk is in front of you, and he constantly provokes you into a conflict. It is impossible not to communicate with him. Here you need to think about how to neutralize or calm him down.
Added:
Squirrel, a person always has weak strings on which to play to fall behind.
Praise her qualities or a beautiful blouse in the presence of a male team. And completely sincere.
In general, I was taught one cool psychological technique. You need to give a person gifts. Not literally, but suggestion. That's what he lacks most of all, then give it. And give sincerely. Here you say that
Here, give her a high position in a neighboring department, a salary 2 times higher than her current one and a crowd of fans. Or a ticket to the Bogamy, surrounded by a crowd of fans. Donate sincerely. You'll see it will help.
I gave my boss all the time substitute caregivers and holidays in Greece (she once said that she wanted to go there). You know how she immediately fell in love with everyone around!
Quit bullshit - find a normal job
Piranha fish
I will offer only my version of the way out of the situation. It is difficult, not knowing the intricacies of the psychological filling of that person, to offer the correct outcome of the situation.
1. Do not notice him - no one is sitting at that table for you.
2. For forced communication (at work, for example), communicate with him exclusively in cold official language.
3. Take all provocative remarks with an ironic smirk on your face. (You show by this that you are going to put a huge rusty bolt on it).
Piranha fish
I understood you.
Kashchei
I have a normal job. And it's not in my nature to give up.
Fuck_them_all
PPKS
Piranha fish
Fuck_them_all, most of all, such people are affected by the state of ignore, so he will jump out of his pants to hurt you and get attention from you.
Well, this is to show that he, yes, hurts you. Here it is necessary to crush a charming smile.
Added:
Squirrel, you don't give up. You turn her from an enemy into your admirer. It's even interesting. That's the strength. IMHO.
Piranha fish
Well, naturally, in this situation, I can ignore it and not notice it, etc.
but if you have to communicate with him all the time ... I can’t hide it even without provocations
Piranha fish
And you still intensely continue to see only the wall behind him ...
This is debatable. It all depends on the person. Sometimes, the official language works 100%.
Piranha fish
Fuck_them_all, you know, I will not argue with you, because it all depends on the specific situation and on the specific person.
Yes, and it’s hard for me to say something here, because I rarely had strain at work, and if I did, then the smile works at 100 and even 200%.
But one rule always remains the same. If you don’t like someone or annoys you, don’t discuss it with your colleagues, and in general, if you discuss someone, then say only good things. Gossip in the team spreads with amazing speed and most often it is they who spoil the relationship.
Talk about all sorts of neutral topics, but not about employees. And if to speak, then only well.
Then the psychological exercise:
fiery
I can also add that, no matter how pissed off, keep a calm voice.
Oh, what are you, communicating with those who are unpleasant can be very interesting
EURO banana
interesting theory, in the mind to give? imagine, fantasize
Squirrel
At one time I had to communicate closely with a girl who I did not like. At first I could not restrain myself and succumbed to all her provocations. Then I just learned to close my eyes to all her antics. When she started to provoke me, I either laughed it off, or simply pretended not to hear. Gradually came to verbal loud statements on her part. Most often, to all her claims, and unfounded ones (I took care of the lack of grounds for claims in advance), I answered "so what?" in my usual tone. At first, everyone in the team loved her, but then, seeing her attacks on me (and I deliberately didn’t complain, didn’t gossip and didn’t do bad things to her in return), most of them began to treat her negatively. In the end, she could not stand it and left.
Your colleague is simply jealous of you. Envy is a bad feeling, but most people suffer from it to one degree or another. You can’t get away from this, rejoice that someone can envy you - it means you have achieved something.
Ola-la-13
Thanks, I understand that. But you know, for some reason I don't like it when people envy me.
Squirrel
it's more if I don't have enough sensations in life (:
Added:
fiery
Well, not quite adrenaline - here, rather, the substance is not in the blood, but in the mind, but in general something like that. Chasing sensations.
Black eyes
Piranha fish In general, according to your advice, you can write a book about the correct behavior at work. That's how much I try on, I always agree with you in my heart. And I see my mistakes. It turns out that it was much easier to go through some points. So listen up.
Piranha fish
Eileen naturally in the mind. But from the heart. Let's take Belkin example. She says that the employee is jealous of her, because she has a higher salary and a higher position, and the employee clearly has a lack of male attention. And so you begin to mentally give this person a company where she holds a high position and a crowd of fans.
Or another example. I once worked in a kindergarten, where there were not enough substitute teachers, it was hard not only to take a day off, it was impossible to get sick. The boss walked gloomier than a cloud. And so, when I needed a day off, I went to her office and mentally gave her many, many new employees and a vacation abroad in a five-star hotel. You know it helps. The person thaws straight. The main thing is to figure out what he really needs.
Squirrel, you know, the nature of envy is quite different. Sometimes it comes from fatigue and trouble. It's not in vain that he speaks.
Ola-la-13
And it is right. Therefore, it is useless to fight with everyone who envy you. We must try to neutralize this envy. I will try to explain this with an example.
In the same kindergarten, a cook worked in the kitchen. A little younger than me. Simple hello. I have plowed in this garden in this kitchen since I was 18 years old. Her husband left her, paid alimony with scandals. Two children who needed to be raised and supported themselves and an apartment. And then I came. Older than her, I look like a girl, but in comparison with her, it’s not worth talking at all (I, like her, didn’t plow hard work and didn’t support children since I was 18), and I’m also married, and even successfully. And with two educations, I get a higher salary than she does. And now tell me, why should this exhausted and tired woman love me? You see, explaining to her that it’s not my fault that her life turned out this way and that she had to think with her head and not marry the first person she met, but go to school, is completely useless. Telling her that when I arrived in this country, where everything new for me, I also worked hard and studied, and unlike her, in an unfamiliar language, and they asked me the same way as everyone else was also useless. The same goes for the husband. You might think that I chose it in the store, but she did not have enough. And that I had to fight with her? Why do I need it? Working with children is not particularly relaxing, and then you have to fight with her ... I want peace. And then, to be honest, when I saw how she plows in this kitchen, and then runs to clean other people's apartments in order to earn an extra penny and survive, because you have to pay bills, pay for school for children, eat something, etc. ., so I felt terribly sorry for her.
I remember she kind of jokingly said to me: "And how did you get such an amazing man so crazy and crazy? It's easier to shoot yourself with you!" Well, what was I to say to her? What is she stupid? Of course, I laughed it off and said that go and discuss this topic with him, maybe he will listen to you. You can be offended by this phrase, but if you figure it out, you can feel how bad it is for a person and how he lacks warmth and affection during this plowing.
So I began to give her a big salary, and then I saw that she loves to lead, so the position is leading, rest, a normal man. Mentally everything. You won’t believe it, after a couple of months, she was ready to tear anyone for me up to the boss. But she could have been in conflict with her. And along with the whole team. Because she has been working at this place since the age of 18 and everyone knows her. And I'm new and still a stranger. And the conflict came to naught even before it began.
And then there are a few more rules. Let's say you work in a team where everyone is divorced, and you are married. so tell less about what they are deprived of. About family gatherings, about what a wonderful husband. They themselves know and feel it, so there is no need to tease the geese.
For example, we travel abroad almost every year, but some cannot afford it. So I always answered the questions as it was, very monosyllables, such as not working to rest. And talk about how cool it was for you to always have someone with you. Well, tell me, wouldn’t a person be envious if he counts every penny, and you dangle abroad and explain to him that you also work hard, there is no point. He feels sorry for himself and that's perfectly normal.
Therefore, envy must be neutralized by understanding its causes. IMHO.
Maybe someone thinks that if you are envied, then you have to fight and go like Matrosov to the embrasure, but I don’t think so. You have to go to work in order to enjoy working, and not to fight. And return home in a good mood without thinking that some bastard told you something, and you answered her.
Black eyes, Thanks for the kind words. It all came to me with experience. In my youth, I also fought with windmills, until I realized that there are other ways. And it's time to move on to you a long time ago.
Piranha fish
Yes. Moreover, there are no particularly controversial reasons
PPKS! One "black sheep" is capable of decomposing even a fairly morally stable team.
Piranha fish
Fuck_them_all, you know, one girl said to me on one forum6 "How is it that you say the same as me, but it always seems to me that you are arguing with me ?!"
Black eyes
Piranha fish I can't help but consult you. There is one friend. She married a man with money, but a lousy character. And we are for boys of the same age. Considers herself very attractive, but did not take place professionally. And then the moment comes. My husband is starting to earn, and no worse than her husband. Only at the same time he is young, interesting, etc. I have made a serious career myself. She gave birth to a good child. And her husband began to seriously drink. And now we have nothing to envy. Now she regularly gets me on the phone with various conversations. What cool doctors her son has, how cool they went to rest, how they hung out with barbecue at friends in a country house. This despite the fact that I also have the whole set. And now I listen to her, and my ears wither. This is starting to annoy me. Hunting to send far away. But we were once close friends. Where did that friend of mine go, and was she a friend? as I understand it, she had to feel necessarily a head taller than me, for example. And I prefer communication on an equal footing. And now how to behave with her if she starts another conversation.
I try to communicate as little as possible. if I have to, it’s only for work, and the need to communicate with unpleasant comrades in my personal life disappears, or I make it clear that I’m not particularly interested, or the communication itself disappears from time to time. To be honest, I myself am shocked by my reaction - I’m shaking from this person. In general, I always initially treat people with sympathy. In order not to please me, a person must be rude, speak badly about people, give trouble to others - that is, I must always have a reason for antipathy. This is almost the first time that I did not like a person at first sight!
It still pisses me off that he has practically no work. While I'm plowing, like Papa Carlo, he sticks around all day and reads newspapers, crossword puzzles or studies German - for himself!
When the work appears, he first asks me three hundred questions, he never wants to take responsibility for anything (even if it is scanty) - so in the end I already think if it’s easier for me to do everything myself.
He is a very amiable, quiet, inconspicuous person. Plus, he's a lot older than me (and older than my parents).
Since this problem is unsolvable (I have to work with him and sit in the same room always), I try to somehow keep my distance. Ideally, I try to reduce our communication to "hello" and "goodbye."
What surprises me the most in this situation is my own reaction.
Piranha fish
Leith! I think that anyone will be annoyed if he plows like Carlo's dad, but opposite him, as you wrote, will
Does he not know, because he is new or is it purely professional?
Leith, well, since you work together, you need to deal with this somehow. Not for the caretaker, but for yourself. A person should be happy to go to work and be happy to return home to his family. And what kind of pleasure will you get from work if a person who annoys you is sitting opposite? Maybe we can come up with something together, if you want?
Leith
Maybe you just like him? So he is looking for any reason to chat
| QUOTE |
| call back three times and ask again |
When I have a lot of work to do and I'm constantly tugged at, I politely ask to look for help elsewhere. And so, you constantly help him, as I understand it ... So he runs with the slightest questions. And there are many questions, because the person is new. In addition, he is no longer young and holds on to his job, he is afraid that he will do something wrong, and instead they will find a young specialist, since there are many unemployed young people in our country.
The intuitive reaction can be attributed to his uncertainty (at work), which was immediately visible.
I don’t know why, but I always listen to my intuition, and to what it tells me about this or that person. Haven't been wrong yet.
keep communication to a minimum
if it's possible of course
When you don't like a person, it happens. Different tastes, some features, and personal hostility has not been canceled. But if you don’t like the first, second, third - and only freaks from the circus are seen around - it’s definitely time to do something about it!
Sometimes people are disliked because of a good, high-quality working self-preservation instinct. You look at a person - there seems to be nothing special about him - but you don’t like it. And then it turns out that he ... (add terrible details here that are incompatible with your ideas of “what is good and what is bad”).
So - subconsciously - people choose their friends, and loved ones, and even partly colleagues. I came to the company for an interview - but I don’t like something like that, I can’t explain it myself. This is not intuition, it is we who track what kind of people are around, how we suit them and they suit us.
But it also happens the other way around - the social situation pushes people to close communication, and it would be great if it brings joy and pleasure. And it doesn't work! Well, do not like the person, and that's it!
Quarrels between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law, sons-in-law and mothers-in-law, claims to the husband’s sister and vice versa begin with this “dislike” - her to her brother’s wife. But you never know situations when it is necessary that a person - such as he is, and which we, in general, did not choose - like!
There is one simple recipe here. In order for people - almost everyone, except for very very bright asocial personalities - to like, you need only two things:
Self love
Attention to them.
Just? But is it not clear? Now we will understand.
1. Almost always, dislike “for people in general” is associated with dislike for oneself. “Love your neighbor ... as yourself” - this is how the commandment sounds.
If we allow ourselves to be crooked in the morning, a lame horse at work, an uncultured person when we suddenly want to eat, or a “stupid person” who doesn’t understand even the third time, then we are able to forgive such mistakes to another, allow and even stay close. Next to the same crooked, unshaven, communicate with the "braked" or take care of the weak and grumpy at the same time. No problem. Exactly because we allow ourselves not to correspond to a fictitious ideal.
2. Attention and genuine interest in “how does this person live?” - the best pill against what people may not like.
A simple example. If a woman takes care of her nails most of all, she will pay attention to the nails of colleagues, girlfriends, relatives. If he loves shoes, then look at how fresh or fashionable the shoes are on them. In total, in relationships, even the most fleeting ones, we very often tend to “dance from the stove”, that is, to start with ourselves, try on ourselves, measure with our own standards. Which, you know, is not reflected in the relationship in the best way.
After all, where there is a measure - there is "worse or better than me." And - there is no place left for the man himself.
Therefore, it remains only to ask, to be interested, to be surprised, to notice - and to show these wonderful qualities.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the relationship...
And on the other hand, if you are not interested, then your own love for yourself will allow you to stay in this relationship for a while and not get that furious discomfort that all these “and you have a blouse that doesn’t fit” or “and you still since you work as a janitor, right? It is difficult to make a person continue to like after outright attacks.
Another thing is that one person likes more, another less, and the third is hardly interesting. And there really is nothing you can do about it. But with those who like - and life is more fun.
Our "theory of attraction" does not, but it does relate directly to you - you are a full element of its equation, and your closest friends, including a girl, are an X about which you still have a lot to learn. In fact, when we were preparing this article, we decided to ask ourselves a rather simple and at the same time complex question - why are we attracted to this or that person? Why do we like this type of women? Why do we only make friends with those we make friends with? It's not just an accident, destiny or the will of the gods - our choice can be explained from a rational point of view. As a result, we deduced four main factors that can explain the attraction to a particular person.
1. Physical attractiveness
This is the most, which is decisive in the case of a first acquaintance. If we don’t like a person outwardly (even if we are talking about friends, not girlfriends), then we, with a high probability, will simply not talk to him. The appearance of a person greatly affects our perception of him. This speaks not only of conscious motives, but also of unconscious ones. People who we consider ugly, our psyche perceives as potentially dangerous to health. That is, our subconscious tells you: "Something is wrong with this guy, he must be sick - stay away from him." Or: “This girl looks too painful. It is better not to get acquainted with her, otherwise there will be weak children.
The signs of health are clear skin, thinness, a strong body, good teeth, bright eyes, shiny hair, and so on. Beauty is often associated with health. On the other hand, different people find different things attractive (although there is something in common in the concept of beauty), which reduces physical attractiveness to personal taste.
2. Proximity
Intimacy is certainly not the first thing that comes to mind when you think about why you like a certain person, but it plays a pretty big role. By intimacy, we mean the regularity of meeting. That is, you are more likely to like the person you see every day at work than the person you met five minutes ago. There is a trace of our prehistoric past in this, because it is always safer to hang out with your acquaintances than with strangers - and this truth cannot be corrected even by the strongest dose of tolerance.
This factor can also be explained from the standpoint of logic - the more time we spend with a particular person, the more we learn about him, and this, in turn, means that trusting relationships begin to build. At the same time, if you know a person only from the negative side, then against the background of unpleasant associations, you begin to communicate with him less and less, which excludes this person from the inner circle. As you can see, the theory of attraction works from two ends at once.
3. Similarity
Similarity is also an important factor. And we are talking not only about external similarity, although it still determines the circle of our communication. You know that Russians like to hang out more with Russians, Jews with Jews, and Azerbaijanis with Azerbaijanis. Not in particular, but in general. But besides the external similarity, there is also a similarity in terms of our views.
Anything can become a common basis - from politics and religion to what we think about breeding dogs and children. We are drawn to people who do the same work or are fond of the same literature, like the same cinematic genres or sports games. Shared beliefs reinforce our own personal weight, because people who are similar in thought most often show respect for us. We, in turn, show respect for them - everything is in the black.
4. Reciprocity
There is another factor, namely, reciprocity. Everything is simple here. If someone finds us attractive, then we answer these nice people with the same coin. If someone loves us, then we, most likely, also treat such people warmly. If your friend is having fun with you, then you are having fun with him.
Being the center of attention is always flattering for each of us, so we will try to encourage such behavior on a psychological level.
Naturally, this factor works more often if factors such as physical attractiveness and similarity are already in place. But sometimes we like people who are completely unattractive and unlike us. Why? Because reciprocity.
Oddly enough, but the question “Why does no one love me” occupies a high position in search engine statistics. This question can concern both a teenager in a rather problematic period in life, when there is a great need for love, and an adult, for example, an employee who is faced with misunderstanding and rejection in a team.
Should I blame myself for something? Shutting myself in even more because I don’t suit someone and I don’t get a proper response to my attitude? In fact, it is impossible to please everyone around. All people are different, just as we are not perfect, so are those who evaluate us. Not everyone thinks about what is worth loving or at least showing respect / attention to those who are around. You need to understand that, first of all, everyone is more focused only on themselves.
So, we live in such a world of egoists with their own tastes and preferences, and if you take a good look, it turns out that I am the same / the same. Therefore, I desperately seek this love from others, therefore it hurts me when they don’t love me.
Step to Decision #1 - Does Nobody Really Love Me?
Yes, we understand and are serious about the fact that you ended up on this page in search of an answer to your question. But before we figure out the reasons why they don’t like you, let’s still try to honestly figure out whether you really nobody does not love? Not a single person on this earth? Or are you just not getting the proper return only in a certain society?
Many of us have a family, these are either parents, or brothers / sisters, grandparents, someone can have everything together. There are friends from different periods of life, or were. There are people we meet every day. Is there really no one among them who is good-natured towards you? And does everyone really express some kind of negativity in your direction and constantly makes it clear that you are not loved and not accepted here?
Answering these questions honestly will help someone see that things may not be quite as they seem, and that there are people who love you. So, even if there is someone besides these people who, as it seems to you, does not love you, the first step to solving the problem is to be grateful for those people who are near and love. Encourage yourself by interacting with these people and develop these relationships.
Step to Decision #2 - Do I…love?
Wait, they don't like me, we wanted to sort them out! Yes, it is easy to expect something from others, we always want love and attention, but at least simple acceptance and understanding! But ... if there are situations in which people are drawn to us on their own, then in most cases it all starts with me. If I am looking for love, then I need to be the first to show this love, attention. “Whoever wants to have friends, he himself must be friendly” is a simple truth, but it is the basis of any relationship.
The cases may be different, and if you have not been accepted in some society for a long time and you have been sufficiently burdened by this, of course, it will be difficult to immediately begin to show friendliness to them. You may think that it does not look natural. Well, it's still worth trying to start small. If it's a large team, try approaching someone first with whom you might find it easier than with others. So gradually you can join the team.
If you go forward, but you are not accepted in any way, this does not mean that something is wrong with you. But if most people do not want to communicate with you, it is worth considering why this might be happening ... What might they not like about you?
10 reasons why people don't like you
Can't stop in time
There are some people who are annoying trying to be funny. People don't like it when you go too far with your jokes and antics, many just leave when you start to bore them. You need to know when to stop.
Negative when asked, "How are you?"
I'm sure every adult asked the question "How are you?". Sometimes even more than 20 times a day.
If the answer is yes, people like it. If you start telling a negative story about everyday life, people don't like it. They don't care if you're tired or not, that you have to work, that your leg goes numb, or something else.
If someone on the go asks: "How are you?", It is better to answer: "Not bad." Each of us has problems and difficulties, but you need to be able to keep it to yourself. The truth is that people will not cry and suffer because of your everyday problems.
You seem unavailable
Your strict look, loaded or just focused, sullen look, can tell people about your closeness to communication. No, in fact we hope these words do not describe your view. Try to be in a good mood and make it visible on your face. Interested and smiling eyes, a slight smile - that's enough.
Always making excuses
Just as in the case of the answer to the question “How are you?”, People do not like to be justified in front of them.
For example: "Why are you late?". “I was driving a car when suddenly a deer jumped out onto the road. I slammed on the brakes, I was swept to the side of the road. A man was passing by, but he could not help, as he was taking his pregnant wife to the hospital. Why didn't you call anyone? “Oh, yes, I was so shocked that I forgot about the mobile. When I remembered, I see that he is dead. Forgot to load…
Stop! Enough! Just say, "I fell asleep." Even if you did not sleep, there were other problems, this is not a reason to line up long excuses. The bosses don't like it. Friends don't like it. People, for the most part, don't like it. Even if it is your fault, you will be respected for your honesty and frankness.
If you think that you will get something from excuses - you are mistaken, be wiser! People will not be able to trust you, you will notice how they will be removed from your life.
Thinking negatively about everything and everyone
People want happiness. To be accepted and understood. They want joy. If you talk to someone and only express negativity, you destroy joy, hope, and happiness. Who likes this?
We said before that there are annoying, obsessive people. This does not mean that you have to be an opponent, a negative person. Get rid of it, you will become more efficient and people will want to be with you.
Your life is what you make it. Realize this so that others can accommodate you. Otherwise, don't whine that you don't have friends - look at yourself.
talk too much
We all know people who can't shut up and push others to talk to them. If you talk non-stop and only take your breath between topics, people won't like you.
People can be polite and nod their heads at you, or they'll get bored and stop calling you and avoid you.
As you talk and talk and talk, you may not notice what others want to add to the conversation. Also, you can talk about things that do not interest the interlocutors. Listening to the interlocutor is still the most important rule of communication.
Your life is a drama
Is there always some kind of drama in your life? Is chaos and devastation always on your way, or are you confusing something? You can grab attention and be the center of attention for a while. Even get a bit of sympathy, but people will notice if this is repeated too often.
Playing drama is deadly to relationships, any relationship. Nobody likes drama. Try not to get carried away by dramatization of events.
You are the best
Oddly enough, this is a problem! Let's say you walk up to a group of people at a party and they fall silent. Why? Because, as history shows, you always get the better of everyone, or rebuke someone who told the real story.
People don't like to share their moment of glory. Let them have it. Wait a minute, if you see that people are ready to hear - speak up.
It's not impressive when you're trying to share someone's fame. On the contrary, it shows how selfish you are and are not able to listen to others. Competing is good, but being always on top is against the rules. Such people are left alone, alone with their ego.
You are the center of the universe
You have a head. You have hair. You have style. You have a figure. You also have better air than others. Maybe at school you could surprise others with this, but now real life. Your arrogance repels people. Your self-centeredness and self-love will not be respected.
You need to express yourself on different levels. This is a sign of respect and understanding of the people around you.
Step to Solution #3 - Don't Expect
The secret of how not to be disappointed is not to be “fascinated”, how to avoid unfulfilled expectations is not to expect!
When you know that some efforts have been made on your part, when you know that you are not pushing people away with some serious annoying actions ... It remains just to leave your expectations, requirements and accept reality as it is. No one owes nothing to nobody. No special. But such a free person as you are now will be able to find a person to his liking!
Live now, because life is a moment, yesterday was the past, and tomorrow will never be!
The world doesn't owe you anything, you have everything to live fully. If you want to live in torment the way you want, stew in your own juices. But a person can find true happiness in himself. Only this happiness is not an emotion, but a decision to be happy.
If you want to enjoy life, stop blaming everything around you. Move forward. Grow up, be a nice person, and your life will burst into joyful moments.
If you want to be successful in relationships with employers, family relationships and others - break your habits! Being closed, gloomy, conceited can become an obstacle on the way to a fulfilling life in general. So you will never be able to achieve the location of a person. You can help someone who has this problem.
