Ingratitude to parents, ingratitude to teachers and mentors (great comrades), people who help you in one way or another, ingratitude to God - these are the steps of overthrowing a person into betrayal, stupidity and madness.

Let it be a motorcycle club, let it be the Beer Putsch MS motorcycle club, but if people have done good, thank you!

***

So, I continue to spread my book "How to grow from a sissy to a man and not become a henpecked. Church of feudal lords and henpecked" in open access. I spread it, however, with a friendly request, and she -.

This book is for men only. It is not meant for women. What is this book about? A man must know the true essence of a woman and Judas. A man who does not understand this will fail sooner or later: both women and Judas will deceive him. From this follows what a man should not do: to submit himself to a harlot - a deceitful, hypocritical, stupid and passionate woman (they are traitors and pests to a man); to betray his betrothed, or, as the Scripture says, a wife destined from eternity (she is also a helper wife). And, finally, a man should not himself become a Judas for his father, his comrades and teachers.

• Book "How to grow from a sissy to a man and not become henpecked. Church of feudal lords and henpecked"- Maxim Stepanenko

***

"Who sacrifices praise,

he who honors Me, and who watches

for my way, I will show him

I am the salvation of God

The Apostle Paul most fully explains the reason for the madness of people in ingratitude to God in the first chapter of the Epistle to the Romans, ingratitude leads to betrayal of God:

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth with unrighteousness ... But how can they, having known God, glorified Him not as God, and gave thanks but they became vain in their thoughts, and their foolish heart was darkened; calling themselves wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and to four-footed animals, and to creeping things, God betrayed them in the lusts of their hearts to uncleanness so that they defiled their own bodies. They replaced the truth of God with a lie, and worshiped and served the creature instead of the Creator, who is blessed forever, amen. That's why God betrayed them to shameful passions: women have replaced their natural use with unnatural; likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the female sex, were inflamed with lust against one another, men doing shame on men, and receiving in themselves the due retribution for their error. And how they did not care to have God in their minds, God gave them over to a perverted mind- to do indecency, so that they are full of all unrighteousness, fornication, deceit, greed, malice, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malevolence, blasphemers, slanderers, haters of God, offenders, self-praise, proud, inventive for evil, disobedient to parents, reckless, treacherous, unloving, irreconcilable, unmerciful. They know the righteous judgment of God, that those who do such things are worthy of death; yet not only do they do it, but those who do it are approved" (Rom. 1:18, 21-32).

The reason for the modern madness of people, our stupidity lies in ingratitude to God. The Psalter evokes gratitude:

"Have mercy on me, Lord; look at my suffering from those who hate me, - You, who lift me up from the gates of death, so that I have proclaimed all your praises at the gates of the daughter of Zion" (Ps. 9:14-15).

"... I will wash my hands in innocence and go around your altar, O Lord, to proclaim with a voice of praise and tell all your wonders" (Ps 25:6-7).

"And my tongue will preach Your righteousness and Your praise every day" (Ps. 34:28).

"...and put into my mouth a new song - praise to our God. Many will see and fear and trust in the Lord" (Ps. 39:4).

"Offer praise to God and pay your vows to the Most High" (Ps. 49:14).

"Who sacrifices praise honors me and whoever watches his way, to him I will show the salvation of God" (Ps. 49:23)

"Lord, open my mouth, and my mouth will proclaim your praise"(Ps.50:17).

"On me, O God, vows to You; I will give you praise for you delivered my soul from death, [my eyes from tears,] and my feet from stumbling, that I might walk before the face of God in the light of the living" (Ps. 56:13-14).

"Sing the glory of His name, give glory, praise to Him"(Ps. 65:2).

"And I will always hope and multiply all praise to you"(Ps. 70:14).

"Praise the Lord for he is good, for his mercy endures forever. Who will speak the power of the Lord, will proclaim all His praises? Blessed are those who keep judgment and do righteousness at all times!” (Ps. 106:1-3).

"Let them offer Him a sacrifice of praise and let them proclaim his works with singing!” (Ps. 106:22).

"God of my praise!" (Ps. 109:1).

"I will offer you a sacrifice of praise, and I will call on the name of the Lord" (Ps. 116:8).

By the way, in this context, I hope the reader will understand the meaning of why we call our Church "Orthodox" rather than calling ourselves "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints".

***

If gratitude to God is the highest level of human gratitude, without which even a highly educated person sooner or later degrades, calling himself wise, losing his mind, then gratitude to parents is the first and fundamental step of any virtue of gratitude.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is what justice demands. Honor your father and mother, this the first commandment with the promise: be good to you, and you will live long on earth"(Eph. 6:1-3).

"He who honors his father will have joy from his children and on the day of his prayer will be heard"(Sir.3:5).

"He who respects his father will live long and the one who is obedient to the Lord will comfort his mother" (Sir. 3:6).

People who are ungrateful to their parents are cursed people, written in fiery Gehenna: "Cursed be he who curses his father or his mother!" (Deut. 27:16).

***

It is also important that parents are the first teachers for children, therefore, respect for the teachings and edifications of parents, which is expressed primarily in obedience, is the basis for successful school and university studies for a child. A son who respects his parents, then respects all his teachers, and learns from them with gratitude. A pupil, a student, studying with respect and gratitude, becomes more intelligent, successful, capable. In front of such people, teachers reveal themselves to the maximum, such people are taught with pleasure.

Not only because people who honor their parents live long and prosperously, because God blesses them, but also because they are smarter than boors, and therefore more successful.

If a girl considers her developed father (and he is the main teacher in the family) a fool, a fool, a goat, a lazy person who cannot hammer a nail (often this happens at the indirect or direct suggestion of the mother), then this will lead to the fact that she will marry (lose virginity) from the most recent degenerate. this is what underlies marriages, when girls (non-girls) marry spiritual and moral monsters (real goats).

And if the son thinks so, he will stop developing, will enthusiastically quote the words of "great women" (in reality, lonely, embittered, etc. women), trade in spare parts in a provincial store at the age of 40, and at the invitation to come "to a friendly a dinner where interesting people will gather" will answer: "I'd rather sit with my son" (actually a stupid one-year-old baby).

There are a number of important rules in life that you need to understand and not violate:

Ingratitude breeds betrayal both people and God.

One should also be grateful to the authorities: " always and everywhere with all gratitude acknowledge we, what do you, venerable Felix, we owe much to the world, and to your care the well-being of this people"(Acts 24:3) - not grateful to the power with which you live in the world, and you have the opportunity to earn a living - you will lose it. Remember the year 1917.

If you counted your parent, teacher, professor, boss, etc. - all those who taught you anything in life, a fool, then everything that these people taught you will be taken away from you and you will become even more stupid.

If you consider someone competent and intelligent to be a fool, then you will gather around you people who are insane and incompetent.

I have before my eyes a very recent example, when an incompetent manager fired an experienced employee, considering him a fool and his actions incompetent. After that, he accepted into the department a completely illiterate hypocritical employee and ... a woman (!) With a psychiatric (!!) pathology. Now his department is a madhouse in the literal and figurative sense of the word. A year later, I expect a disaster there ...

***

Ingratitude, combined with disobedience to parents, is one of the signs of the spiritual and moral degradation of the last time (note how the apostle put it together):

"Know that in hard times will come in the last days. For people will be proud, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, blasphemous, parents disobedient, ungrateful wicked, unfriendly, implacable, slanderers, intemperate, cruel, not loving good, traitors, insolent, pompous, more voluptuous than God-loving, having a form of piety, but denying its power. Turn away from such” (2 Timothy 3:1-5)

Maxim Stepanenko, employee
Missionary Department of the Tomsk Diocese
Russian Orthodox Church
"On the topic of the day" - 11/26/2015.

***

Friends, brethren, if this article helped you, opened your eyes to personal problems, showed you the direction to correct them, and if you are interested in such articles being further published in the public domain, and not in paid books, please help me as well.

This article took dozens (!) hours of personal time, when I did not do additional work, work in the garden, farm, etc., everything that allows me to get additional income to feed my large family (I can feed at the level of the minimum subsistence level of himself and only 0.7 of a child).

"If we have sown spiritual things in you, how great is it if we reap what is corporeal from you?" (1 Corinthians 9:11).

"He who gives seed to the sower and bread for food will give abundance to what you have sown. and multiply the fruits of your righteousness, so that you are rich in everything for all generosity, which through us produces thanksgiving to God. For the work of this ministry not only makes up for the poverty of the saints, but also produces abundant thanksgiving to God in many; for, seeing the experience of this ministry, they glorify God for their obedience to the gospel of Christ you confess and for their sincere fellowship with them and with everyone" (2 Cor. 9:6-13).

Sberbank card: 4817 7600 0671 2396

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Sincerely,
Maxim Stepanenko, employee

Missionary Department of the Tomsk Diocese

Russian Orthodox Church

During the sacrament of Marriage, before the apostolic reading, the prokeimenon is sung:

“You put crowns on their heads, asking You from honest belly stones, and gave them to them. Like give them a blessing forever and ever, I rejoice with joy with Your face.

A man is a crown for a woman, and a woman is for a man, but not like the crown of thorns of Christ, but a crown of joy, glory, honor, blessing. A husband or wife is a crown adorned with many precious stones, that is, virtues. Previously, people wore crowns, today they wear jewelry, and rejoice and boast about it - so the husband rejoices and is proud of his wife.

Therefore, he should not be ashamed to introduce his wife to people and not say to her:

How will I show you to people?

Or that she should not tell him:

The way you have become, how will I introduce you to people?

Unfortunately, we hear such words. If you tell your wife:

You got fat, how will I show you to people?

You understand that in this way you can greatly offend your wife. This is not good to do.

God gives people much more than what they want because the Lord is very merciful. He is not greedy like us, He is not wicked. If you ask Him for something, He will give you much more. You ask Him for one thing, and He gives you a thousand times more. We see it in life, that God gives us so much more. Why? Because we did not know, could not understand what the Lord can give us, did not know about His wealth, which He gave us.

The apostolic reading begins with the following words:

Thanks always for everything to God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ(Col. 3 , 15-17).

Today we rarely give thanks, and when we are such an ungrateful and dissatisfied people, we tire the people around us. Personally, I am convinced that a person who is dissatisfied with life is difficult to understand, because no matter what he gets, no matter what he has, he will still find a reason to be dissatisfied. He will always say the word "but" to express his displeasure. You ask him:

Good house?

Yes, it's good, but... there's a hole in the corner. The house is good, but the neighbor is not good. The house is nice, but one cat meows day and night.

People come to us dissatisfied with their lives and say:

We moved away from each other, we are scared, we are tired.

And you ask him:

Well, well, what do you do all day long that you call yourself tired? You are a teacher and return home at 14:00-15:00.

Well, I go to the pool, to the gym...

Well, cut back on your daily program a little, then. What are you waiting for? Can you do everything, and so that you still have free time? Of course, if you fill your time with many things, then you have no free time. And then you complain that you have become distant, become strangers and do not communicate with each other. Go home, sit down and rethink your plans. Don't go to the gym and pool for a few days... You can't do everything at once. Do you want communication? Sit at home, as people used to do, turn off the TV, postpone for later your walks, constant phone calls, so that you have time to talk with your husband. If you spend all day talking on the phone, doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the apartment, and so on, then you definitely won’t have time. Even the Lord says: Stop and know that I am God(Ps. 45:11).

Sit down, - says the Lord, - calm down, do not do unnecessary things, stop, know that I am God.

If you run without stopping, you will not recognize either God, or yourself, or another person.

If you run all day without stopping, minding your own business, you will not recognize either God, or yourself, or another person.

And then you complain about your life. Today it is difficult to find young people who would say:

Thank God we're doing well!

You probably remember Marula, her house was next to the metropolis. She died 5 years ago. This woman, 30 years old, was bedridden, she was paralyzed. Alone, without a husband, without children, and her neighbors did not even come to her. I asked her:

How are you, Miss Marula?

Thank God it's good!

She was very happy - a paralyzed woman, bedridden.

Something great when a person is grateful and says: “Glory to God!” Even people suffering from depression, I heard this from one pious psychiatrist, a very serious person, and from Elder Paisius, who told about one incident from his life. And I also witnessed that when a person lives in constant praise and says: “Glory to Thee, God! I’m fine!”, then his psyche changes, and he feels better. said that when he became a hermit in the desert, he was discouraged, and perhaps he was seized with depression and despair, which is a common thing for hermits.

Because he saw his human weakness, foresaw the enormous struggle that he had to wage. While working, he threw tools on the ground, broke the car, injured his hand, got angry, and the more he did it, the worse he got. And when the monks asked him:

How are you, Father Paisios?

Well, how, how - bad!

And he noticed that when he said that, it got even worse. Then he changed his tactics and said to himself, "I won't talk like that." And when someone asked him:

How are you, Father Paisios?

He replied:

Excellent! Wonderful! Wonderful! Thank You God! Very well! With your prayers, I'm doing well!

He wanted to hammer a nail into the wall, hit his finger with a hammer and said:

Thank God!

And his finger is swollen.

When you do something with a murmur, you become even more unhappy than you were before.

I have noticed in my life and in the lives of other people that when a person does this, his business goes uphill, and he feels better. And when you do something with a murmur, you become even more unhappy than you were before, and gradually plunge into wickedness.

A person comes to you in a depressed state, and your heart shrinks. You ask him:

Well, how can I be, father? Grief, pain, problems.

You say:

Ah, Holy Mother of God!

How, after such words, will your friend have a desire to sit down and chat with you? If you "radiate" fatigue, depression, wickedness, a person cannot communicate with you.

I can confess to parishioners for hours. There are people who, as soon as they enter the confessional, from their energy (I use a modern term) immediately becomes easy and calm, especially when small children come. The child immediately “removes” fatigue from you. But there are also people who can kill your soul in two minutes, turn you into jelly. Then you want to go for a walk in the park to recover. And then we say that we have problems in marriage.

Therefore, we must learn to always give thanks for everything and say:

Thank God we are fine.

To be pleasant people, to have a radiant expression on the face, to encourage the other person so that he would gladly want to meet us, so that he would not get tired at the thought of us. Pope Ephraim Katunakit wrote in a letter to our elder about one novice: “When I remember him, whether I want it or not, I always laugh. Because this novice was a very funny and pleasant person. But there are people you just think about, and you get an unpleasant feeling.”

This is art. You must learn this art, force yourself to say: “Glory to God!”, always be radiant, smiling when communicating with another person. You see other people, sometimes even church people, and you say to yourself:

Smile a little, my child! Stretch your lips and smile! Chat with other people. How long will you stand like a statue? Like a mummy, like an ice floe that radiates cold? Holy Mother of God! You will need to put on 100 coats to melt this ice in yourself.

All saints were very nice people

As much as you would like to never smile or communicate with other people, you must learn this art. All the saints were very nice people. We came to the elders not only because we needed it: they were holy, pleasant, radiant people, next to them we became more cheerful. They communicated so well with each person. They didn't say:

Well, I am like that!

Christ became Man for us and did not blind with His Divine glory, but He hid all Divine majesty in His human flesh and was born humbly, quietly, and did not tire, kill or blind anyone. And we should be like that for each other. In the monastery, if the abbot is gloomy, depressed and depressed, then this is transmitted to the entire brotherhood. And if he is joyful, smiling and calm, and this is transmitted to the entire brotherhood. It is the same in the family - when parents are radiant people, this is passed on to children. When they are sullen, unpleasant and restless, then children become like them.

Mom, relax a little, calm down!

You go to visit someone, and you are overcome with anxiety due to the anxiety of the people who invited you. They ask you

What do you want?

Nothing, I just looked.

Are you cold?

No, I'm not cold.

Are you Hot?

No, it's not hot.

What are you going to eat?

Feed me whatever you want!

Are you comfortable in the chair?

Yes, it's convenient.

Perhaps you are tired?

No, I'm not tired.

So many questions! Why are you worrying? Let me sit down, drink a glass of water, if I feel cold, I will tell you to close the window! Is all this anxiety necessary? Then thoughts come: we must have said something to him, upset him! We see that his facial expression changed for a moment - he saw something, heard something! And you say

Ah, Blessed Virgin, how can this man endure?

You can see this among church people as well. We wear some kind of masks, and from time to time these masks become very dangerous. We should be radiant, calm people, and that luminosity comes from humility. Elder Paisios said that once he went to Athens, friends gave him a ride in a car. However, they were very worried about him on the road. This was a blessing and joy for them, but he was very tired from this trip, because they constantly asked him:

Are you cold, father?

No, I'm fine

If you like, I'll open the window.

I do not want.

You probably want me to open the window?

Well, but if you want, then open the window.

No, if you want, father!

No I do not want!

They discussed for half an hour whether to open the window in the car. If you want, then open the window, and if you don't want, leave it closed ... Is it necessary to bother another person for so long?

Turn on audio cassette?

Turn on.

She won't bother you?

No, it won't interfere.

If it interferes, then tell us!

No, it won't bother me, you can, turn on the cassette.

In fact?

Yes, actually...

While we arrived in Athens, - the elder continued his story, - they tired me. - And he said:

Next time I will take the train. Let my companions be anarchists. I will deal with them rather than with pious people who, with their great piety, wear me down.

We do not have the soulfulness that comes from humility, and humility breeds gratitude

This is so because we are complex people, we do not have simplicity, there is no soulfulness that comes from humility, and humility breeds gratitude. A humble person is a grateful and contented person. He is grateful for everything and everyone. He says:

Thank God!

It does not interfere or obstruct other people.

One old man says about gloomy people:

I want to take a pin and prick them and see if they bleed or vinegar? And then ask what flows in their veins? Human, red, hot, sweet blood - or vinegar?

You go up to such a person and touch him, and he becomes dull. Sorry sight. But, as I said, this is an art, and he needs to learn, sit down and work on himself, to become more kind, radiant, joyful, glorifying people, and not grumbling, aggravating and sour people.

« I was taught to be kind and help people. I am constantly asked for help and I never refuse anyone. But they call me a bore. I am constantly busy solving someone’s problems, listening to someone’s sad stories, letting me “live for a week”, driving my friends on their business, finding the right connections, etc. When I really can’t help (because at that moment I’m solving another person’s problems), they don’t understand me at all, they don’t believe me and they get offended. But I can't break! I don't live my life because I'm busy all the time. Sometimes I don't even have time to sleep. And what is the answer? I’m already tired of helping someone, and then I hear that this person, whom I helped in some way, is talking nasty things about me. ”

Why are people so ungrateful?

People are what they are. There are people who value kindness and pay for it in kind. Other people are drawn to you. Our environment reflects our mental state. When you do good selflessly, without expecting gratitude, it will definitely come back to you. If you were helping selflessly, you wouldn't be asking your question.

What is your profit, you ask?

It is very important for you what others think and say about you. This is much more important to you than your personal life, otherwise you would not spend it on helping others to the detriment of yourself. That is, you do good not for nothing, but expect gratitude from people for it.

Do not think that gratitude is worth nothing. After all, when you say “thank you” or more, tell others how wonderful you are, you experience great pleasure.

See how much money people pay to experience pleasure? They travel to warmer climes, go to movies and restaurants, buy cars, houses, and yachts… practically people work to buy their own pleasure. You also work for others, in the hope that you will be paid with gratitude, that is, your help is not disinterested.

But you are not thanked, that is, you are not paid for your help! Why?

Because such help has no value! There is a parable: the students asked the Teacher, “Here is a man asking me for food, should I give him a fish?” To which the Teacher replied: “You will do more for him if you give him a fishing rod.”

For example, my friend needs to get somewhere and he is used to calling me. I always take him where he asks. But then my car broke down, a friend calls me, but I can’t help him. That is, I violated all his plans. But if the first time he asked me to give him a ride, I gave him the phone number of a taxi, then he would never have had problems getting to the right place.

You don't help people when you do something for them, you harm them. When a person faces some kind of task, and he is forced to solve it himself, he develops. When you solve all the problems for him, he degrades. It is the same as if a child is carried all the time in his arms, he will never learn to walk. So what are you thankful for?

So what, it turns out that it is impossible to help people?

Need help! But not by doing for them what they can handle themselves, but by telling them how to do it. If necessary, you can show them once or twice, but they must solve their problems themselves. When a person who finds himself in a difficult situation and turns to you for help understands how his problem is solved and solves it himself (albeit with your help), then he will be sincerely grateful to you.

And, by the way, the next time you won’t address such a problem, that is, you will already have time for your personal life.

There are other situations as well. When a person asks you to do something, you explain to him how he can do it himself, but he does not want to do it himself, he wants you to do it for him! What to do in such cases?

Explain to the person how much your time is worth. For example, you earn 24 thousand rubles at your main job. within 24 business days. So eight hours of your work cost 1000 rubles, and an hour costs 125 rubles. Offer him your rates. Agree - fine, you buy yourself pleasure in the form of sweets or something else. If he does not agree, you will already know that this person does not value your time, which means that he does not care about your life either. That is, he does not want to do it himself, and if you help him, then you will not wait for gratitude from him. Such a person should be rejected.

Learn to say no to freeloaders! And don't worry about what they say about you. What difference does it make to you what people who don't care about you say about you? As soon as you free your life from the company of such people, others will begin to reach out to you - those who know how to pay. No matter what, money or kindness.

People need to be helped. If your friend, or even a stranger, has broken his leg (that is, he really cannot help himself), then your duty to your conscience is to take him to the hospital. But if you intend to carry him on a gurney for the rest of your life, spitting on your own life - do not expect that others will not want to spit on it.

I am also, probably, an overly sympathetic person, and I try to earn a good attitude for myself with good deeds. And yet, it’s a little disappointing when your friends, getting into a difficult situation, get what they need from you, and you try to help, because they really have a problem, and when you are with a “broken leg”, they either have things to do, or their own worries . How to be? In a difficult moment, they turned away, they didn’t even cheer up with a word. How, after such situations, do people generally go towards?

Yes, that's how it works. I also convinced myself many times that it is useless to wait for gratitude. The more good you do for someone, the less you are respected. For a long time I could not understand why. Only recently the suspicion crept in that she was to blame, because people themselves can cope with their problems. Am I extreme? For some reason, if you start helping, they start to think that I should. And if you refuse, they pout a little and find other fools. I remain good, and the one who took it upon himself becomes a scapegoat. It's unfortunate that it is, but it is.

I have been a volunteer for 5-6 years now and I absolutely agree with you!

Thank you for the article!

Actually, this is a moot point. You need to help unequivocally, that's why we are people. But sometimes you really come across such nonsense that you help with all your heart, and in response, not just ingratitude, but some kind of consumer attitude, like you are a dodge. The feeling after that is quite unpleasant, not even indignation, but some kind of annoyance, or something ... And although you help not in the hope of gratitude, but simply out of human motives, but when they answer like that, it seems that it would be better if they barked back, more honestly would. But I still help. But it is so joyful when you see that a person with your help has coped with something and is sincerely happy about it. Indeed, sometimes help is needed only so that a person sees that not everything is so bad in this life, and does not feel abandoned. These people usually manage on their own. But for those who take help for granted, I no longer help. If they think that everyone around them owes them, let them feel at least once that they are not the main ones in this life, and no one owes them anything.

Let not quite in the subject, but for some reason I thought that children are not always grateful towards their parents. Throughout his conscious life, mom and dad went out of their way to raise, educate, provide for the child, protect him from any difficulties, make him happy, and it looks like it comes out ...

I have been helping my family and friends for the last 3 years. As a result, after 3 years, I realized that I gave up everything for myself, all the money and time spent on help. I wanted to please them, to make them happy. There was no time for personal life. The people I helped treat me negatively. I realized my mistake just now.

Zhanna, consider that you have received a paid lesson. There remains a sediment, of course, but it is not always pleasant for schoolchildren to do their homework. It took me many years to understand this. It was a shame! Moreover, on both sides ... And now, when everyone lives their own life, not imposing their help on the one hand, and not demanding it on the other, then the relationship has improved. But we have a friend, so he really liked to help everyone in a row. There was no personal life, but he liked madly messing around with everyone, solving other people's problems, despite the fact that he was constantly offended by those to whom he did not have time to do something, as he was busy helping other people. But when his long-awaited child was born, he completely switched to the family. Friends at first called out of habit, but then they somehow resolved themselves. And he didn't even notice it. In the end, it turned out that he simply did not have enough of his child to have someone to take care of.

Who are these people who strive to do good? Why do they have this need? Why do those who are kindly treated respond with ingratitude? Tj3eOI7yW
Happy May holidays!

A person does good to another to the detriment of himself, and he is also called selfish! Good gain! It seems to me that this sickening, nauseating demagoguery is pushed through by ordinary haters of good people who, by nature, are not capable of such actions, because of their malice and greed. On the other hand, let us suppose, I repeat, let us assume that kindness to others to the detriment of oneself really pursues the main goal of obtaining pleasure from a good deed done. The question immediately arises, if this is such a huge self-interest, why are there so few such self-interested people? And why, let's say, "classic" self-interested people prefer to act in exactly the opposite way, i.e. doing harm to others, for your own benefit, while, at the same time, accusing good and honest people of greed? What prevents them from catching such an utter, as they are trying to imagine, buzz from doing good deeds?

In general, imagine what a wonderful place our world would become if altruism became the main manifestation of self-interest, and good deeds towards other people would become a great (as it is said in the article) pleasure for most people ...

"If you were helping selflessly, you wouldn't be asking your question."

“If you help selflessly, and they spit in your soul in return, you will definitely ask this question.”

Completely agree with you. Helping someone who really needs it, a person does a good deed, and, moreover, completely disinterestedly! Only here we are not talking about good and evil, but about helping people who are quite capable of doing without it. Unfortunately, freebie lovers have not died out. By giving a bribe to an official whose monthly income exceeds the annual salary of the giver, is he doing a good deed? However, it can also be called financial HELP!!! (help him buy a yacht) Or the same act (transfer of money) to a person whose house burned down.
And self-interest ... it is often subconsciously present in people who are not ready to admit it to themselves. Otherwise, there would be no resentment when the person you helped once refuses to help you. Resentment is a kind of sensor, whether you expected gratitude or not ...

My 80-year-old cousin, a lonely aunt, turned to me for help when she had serious health problems. She could not eat, she became weak ... I took her to me, started taking her to the doctors, they discovered a tumor, they said she needed to have an operation, no treatment would help. Although it is not known what the outcome will be after the operation, especially at that age. For a month she lived with me, prepared dietary food for her, protected her from any work. She called her girlfriends and said: “I’m here like in a resort.” (We live outside the city). Then she suddenly decided to go home, to the city, and after that she accused me that I hadn’t helped her in any way, drove to stupid doctors who wanted to cash in on it, who do not know how to heal, but only cut. That she had stress because of me, she lived for herself and did not know anything ...
After her words, I have a real stress, as if I myself would not fall down. I made a conclusion for myself: if you don’t want to make enemies for yourself, don’t help anyone.

the black bar went iPhone 5c crashed, on my number -450r the laptop does not work repair 8.000r loan took 30.000r to pay off another one, Steam does not work, you need an unifier, but there is no phone, so I made a newsletter, if anyone can help with anything ... and the admins do not let the account number pass … Like I'm lying or something?!

well written, thanks! I also came to the same conclusion

Yes, these freeloaders just about ... ate)! Kind and Bright people need to do good, + homeless dogs need to buy food. And these devils - who remember when they need to repair the car (of course, for free, it's expensive at the service station), or after being drunk in some kind of hole without money for the way back; - send such "comrades" away.
I don’t regret a bit about the people with whom I stopped communicating in 2017 - ohm) - they are zeros who are doomed to negativity, and I am an interesting, charismatic, talented and modest guy)
In short, do not make sacrifices, and do not help when it is not convenient for you. Surround yourself with positive people
To all Beaver

Good article. I discovered a lot for myself. For many years I have been tormented by the question, why even how are you doing in response to my help? not always asked, not to mention gratitude.

Yes, indeed, 85 percent of the truth here comes from my experience, you deprive yourself and your family of relatives and friends, and a magnificent rilze usually looks for a sucker

The paradox of life is that ingratitude as a character trait is quite common. But luck turns away from people with this quality, bad luck becomes their companion, and there is no harmony and peace in the soul. Why is this happening?

What is ingratitude?

To answer this question, let's start with gratitude. It is part of the culture developed by mankind. It manifests itself in communication and relationships between people. Its essence is to appreciate the good done in relation to someone, and to express gratitude to the benefactor.

But often you have to deal with a lack of gratitude. At the same time, the beneficiary does not express his gratitude in any way: neither in word nor in deed. Ungrateful people take the money, emotions or time spent on them for granted.

Moreover, in everyday life the concept of "black ingratitude" is used, when the benefactor not only does not receive words of gratitude in response to a good deed, but also feels obvious hostility on the part of the person to whom the service was rendered. Such an attitude towards people for many becomes a quality of personality condemned by all the peoples of the world.

An example of ingratitude

The best way to illustrate the concept under consideration is an example. One of the villagers decided to support a neighbor who had many children. Their pale appearance indicated that they were clearly malnourished. Having a cow on the farm, the peasant began to give the guys two bottles of milk a day. And soon it became a habit.

But by autumn, the cow began to milk worse, and the amount of milk had to be reduced. Children began to receive only a bottle. And then there were times when there was no milk at all, and the owner of the cow had to apologize to a neighbor for not being able to help his family anymore.

But he was so offended by the refusal to help that he even stopped saying hello. Instead of saying, "Thank you for your free help for such a long time," the neighbor blazed with hatred for the benefactor.

Ingratitude as a grave sin

The Christian religion perceives this quality as a vice. Ingratitude is described in the gospel parables. Everyone knows how Jesus cured ten people of leprosy. And only one of them thanked him for the miraculous salvation. There is also a parable about a snake that a stranger hid in his bosom to warm him from the cold. She, being warm, stung her savior.

In ancient Rome, ingratitude was considered a crime. A freed slave was again put in shackles if he spoke badly of his master. And Dante, the 13th-century Italian thinker famous for writing the Divine Comedy, placed the ungrateful in one of the circles of hell.

It is believed that the quality under discussion goes hand in hand with the main sins described in the Bible - pride, envy and hatred. have high self-esteem. They sincerely believe that those around them should. Moreover, if they are offered less than expected, they perceive it as humiliation: "How can you put a piece of cake without a rose on my plate?" They envy those who got the best pieces, get annoyed at the recollection of events where, in their opinion, they were humiliated and insulted.

Famous people who condemn ingratitude

Famous thinkers, writers and poets considered ingratitude to be an absolutely unacceptable quality of a person. So, Shakespeare said that there is nothing more monstrous than ingratitude. And Goethe recognized this as a kind of weakness, emphasizing that this quality cannot be inherent in outstanding personalities a priori.

Pythagoras denied nobility to the ungrateful. And Stephen King compared a child with the described quality to a poisonous snake.

Other sayings about ungrateful people

Of course, what has been said above is absolutely true, but, by the way, like the idea that a good deed is not done for the sake of gratitude. For example, D. Mukherjee believes that if a good deed is told to everyone, then such a person cannot be called kind.

And Seneca argued that the one who received the service, and not the one who rendered it, should tell about the good deed.

In turn, V. O. Klyuchevsky, a Russian historian, wrote that the demand for gratitude is stupid. D. Carnegie emphasized that a benefactor should receive inner joy from self-giving, and not wait for words of gratitude. A. Decurcelle added to this that such an expectation is a trade in good deeds.

There are many attempts in history to explain the origins of ingratitude. So, according to F. Nietzsche, the consciousness of being indebted becomes painful for people with a rough soul. And Tacitus suggested that good deeds can only be pleasant when the recipient is able to repay them. If they are exorbitant, then hatred arises towards the donor.

Unfortunately, ungrateful people, according to statistics, are quite common. It is not by chance that the gospel parable says that only one in ten is capable of gratitude for a service. But let's dwell a little more on situations where people, in principle, do not experience gratitude.

Satisfying your own needs

A person may not be fully aware, but he is always annoyed by the feeling of superiority on the part of a communication partner. In the background, it can even cause unmotivated aggression. Superiority can be expressed in absolutely different ways: from verbal abuse to a grin and condescending intonation. Imposed advice without a request is also an application for superiority: "I already know how ..."

A person who does a good deed of his own free will, and does not fulfill the request of another person, must be aware that he satisfies his own needs and can hardly count on a positive reaction in response. Consider this phenomenon on the example of Oprah Winfrey. The highest paid TV presenter in 2007 gave all viewers of her show a car. And what did you get in return? Lots of lawsuits. Outraged spectators were unhappy that taxes were demanded from them.

If a person does something without a request, in fact he wants to be useful to someone, necessary, but in accordance with his personal understanding of achieving the goal. He satisfies not others' needs, but his own needs. In this case, ungrateful people appear. Psychology in the context of the problem proposes to consider only those situations where the benefactor does a good deed in response to the request of a particular person.

Origins of ingratitude

Researchers of the human soul believe that ungrateful people become such from birth. This feeling is associated with generosity, greed, the ability to love and experience pleasure.

There are two most common points of view on the origin of the condemned personality trait. The author of the first is the famous psychoanalyst Melanie Klein, who passed away in 1960. The famous British woman believed that the feeling of gratitude is innate and manifests itself in the first weeks of life. If, while receiving breast milk, the infant feels gratitude, the forces of good will be the most important in him. If he only demands and at the same time does not show gratitude to his mother, a program of hatred and anger is laid in him.

Another scientist, Harry Guntrip, who left this world in 1975, gave a different answer to the question of why people are ungrateful. In his opinion, it depends on the ability of the mother to love her child: to stroke in time, to calm down, to relieve anxiety. Reacting to the hunger of the baby, such a woman will not make him cry for a long time and ask for milk. If a child develops a frustrated need to eat (with frequent untimely satisfaction of the need), then this indicates a manifestation of greed in the future. Guntrip described the phenomenon of internalization - the formation of one's own "goodness" in the presence of a "good" mother and "badness" if she is perceived as "bad".

In later life, perceiving himself negatively, when meeting a generous person, our baby begins to feel even more bad. Gratitude for him is associated with feelings of guilt and shame, and he simply blocks them.

Ungrateful - what are they?

Nietzsche described a phenomenon called ressentiment (translated as "embitterment"). It is about the feeling of hatred towards the benefactor. This is the hostility of the slave towards the master who let him go. Because of his own inferiority, weakness and envy, the beneficiary denies the value system of the one who does a good deed.

For example, a poor person who has received material support from a wealthy person begins to spread rumors about the donor’s unrighteous sources of income, his self-interest, including attributing to him a desire to receive absolution at his expense, etc. Moreover, the more good things are done, the stronger the blows that he is able to inflict. Folk wisdom on this matter is clearly visible in the saying, which you can just start, because everyone knows its ending: "Do not do good ..."

The word "ungrateful" often characterizes sad people. They are dissatisfied with life, feel worse, get sick more often and live much less than others. It turns out that life itself returns the negative to them like a boomerang.

How to communicate with an ungrateful person?

Psychologists advise excluding such people from your communication. Recognizing that they really exist, we must understand what we find in their face surrounded by envious, hostile and often rather vile persons.

If communication cannot be avoided, one should understand what is behind this act: unwillingness to be in debt that was not demanded by them, or a sense of failure. who prefer to help others, but do not want to be in someone's debt themselves. And relationships should be built depending on the cause. Do not provide services without asking and do something based on gratitude.

Good must be done just like that. If you expect something in return, then you will definitely have to experience disappointment. A person who does good deeds should act as if he were throwing a coin into the river that cannot be returned.

How to develop the quality of gratitude in yourself?

It is very important to be grateful ourselves, because this quality makes us happy. Scientists conducted an experiment: three groups of subjects were asked to record the events of their lives for a certain time. The first recorded good and bad deeds. The second - only problematic, and the third - pleasant events for which they thanked their benefactors. It turned out that the words "thank you" can work wonders. The subjects from the third group improved their physical and psychological state, attention was directed exclusively to the good.

Only gratitude, felt by the heart and reinforced by action, positively affects the individual and strengthens his relationship with others. As an act, you can give a gift, offer a return service or money. The main condition is that gratitude be sincere.

Instead of a conclusion

Two groups of high school students were given the task of writing an essay about their main achievement in life. The first ones were informed that the best works will be read out to everyone. The second was asked to do the work anonymously. In the essays read out to the audience, many words of gratitude were said to teachers, parents, and coaches. In the second group, the guys described how long and hard they went to their first victory in their lives, selflessly overcoming obstacles. How would you write?

Statuses about ungrateful people are for those who feel offended. Don't hold grudges in yourself, just say exactly what you think as soon as possible!

Remember the old rule: don't do good unless you're asked to.

1. I didn't want you to wallow at my feet. One word of gratitude would suffice for me ...
2. No matter how hard it is for you, there will still be a person in a worse position than you. Dare to be grateful!
3. Hug your mom, kiss your grandma. It is likely that these people have done a lot for you. Do you appreciate it?
4. You have lived through this situation if you have become grateful. Even if there is nothing to be thankful for.
5. Know how to do good and know how to receive gratitude for this good. Otherwise, then they will demand this kindness from you.
6. It’s sad when you put your whole soul, all thoughts, all emotions into a person, and in return you get a cold: “I didn’t ask.”
7. How your actions are valued depends on what kind of person you are, and not on what act you did there ...
8. To receive evil in return for a good deed is so typical of our time.
9. If you wait for gratitude, then you can grow old. And from most people!
10. Play with me! So I'll take it and do with you what you usually do with me ...
11. The kindest people are random strangers. And the most ungrateful are relatives.
12. I do not spare money, people are more important to me. But duplicity... No, I can't stand that.
13. Well, good. I did this good just for the sake of it. Use it, but I won't help you anymore!
14. It just hurts. It's just embarrassing. But I will survive. And your ingratitude will be remembered a thousand times more!
15. Children should not be grateful for the boots that you bought them. They should be grateful for the example of right living...
16. Never ask for gratitude. If she's not there, leave. no matter where, just go.

I don't think it's fashionable to be grateful.

People are used to insulting and humiliating. And they are used to being ungrateful. If you suffer from this affliction, set the status to pro ungrateful.

1. You can’t even imagine how many words of gratitude were not said because of banal shyness, and not out of anger.
2. Our relationship is imperfect. But I'm grateful that you know how to say "thank you" and "sorry."
3. For someone, you are necessarily not grateful. So be sure to pay on time!
4. You can't get gratitude. Well, it's impossible. Whatever you do...
5. Giving thanks and being grateful are completely different things. So. Better be grateful!
6. Don't give a person a lot, and don't give a person a little. That's when he will appreciate you!
7. In order for a person to rise, he needs help. And so that he is grateful to you, FIG understand what needs to be done ...
8. A successful person will always be popular. But the highest decoration is gratitude.
9. Everyone talks about goodness disappearing. But to revive it, just stop being ungrateful!
10. Don't be afraid to call and just say "thank you". The person will not bite you, but both of you will be pleased!
11. If you cannot be grateful, you cannot become human. And if you can't become a man, you won't truly love yourself.
12. You can die in peace only when you can fully feel the gratitude of the children.
13. I can be grateful. This is my dignity and my punishment.
14. Instead of being vindictive, you should be grateful. In words, everything is, as always, simple.
15. Not many people know that sucking up and being grateful are completely different things.

If you are not ready for ingratitude, it is better not to do good to people!

Statuses about ungrateful relatives usually make you think about life in general. In addition, it is likely that ungrateful relatives themselves will see these statuses.

1. It is unpleasant when you go towards a person with open arms, and in response to you - a spit in the soul.
2. Egoists are always condemned, nevertheless, it is much easier for them.
3. It's amazing how much attention relatives have after the money appears ...
4. You seem to wish all the best for the holidays. But just a little - they won’t even look in your direction.
5. Practice shows that if you call, write and take care, you will find yourself fucking useless.
6. Our life is strange: you need to communicate with a person you are not interested in just because he is a relative.
7. They say family should help. But more often than not, they just offend.
8. Learn not only to speak, but also to listen. And then you learn to be grateful.
9. In all likelihood, a person should be born grateful. And apparently, in our family they are not born like that 😀
10. In the relationship of strangers, there is usually more gratitude than in the most friendly, at first glance, families.
11. I used to think that my relatives were hypocrites. Now I understand that they are also ungrateful ...
12. If you want adrenaline in life, open a business with relatives. And if you just want a normal life, don't do it.
13. Think of your relatives right now. Call, come if you can. But do not remember only when trouble happened.
14. My relatives are so ungrateful that they don't even like my photo 😀
15. We are interested in who our ancestors are in the tenth generation, but somehow we don’t want to remember those who still exist ...

Choose the sharpest, in your opinion, status about ungrateful people.