An outsider is an individual who does not have the opportunity to achieve professionalism and accomplishments in his activities. This term is borrowed from English and means lagging behind. In simple words, an outsider is a loser on whom the team wins back. In any social group there is such a person who occupies a niche - an outsider. Nobody wants to fall into this niche voluntarily, the group itself appoints an outsider at its own discretion. Often a person gets there, who is much inferior in something to the others, if there is no such person, it is occupied by a person who has newly arrived in the team, but if this niche is occupied, he moves to the next one. The outsider feels inferior, as well as constrained in his rights.

Regardless of whether it is a large or small social group, it is inherent in the stratification of niches. In a small social group there can be several outsiders at once. The more such individuals, against the background of which other members of the group feel their importance and their superiority, the better. But if the number of outsiders is too much, then the group will try to limit them by moving the outsider to the main niche. A large number of lagging personalities in the group lowers its status, making it flawed in its own eyes.

Who is an outsider

This is a person who, by his behavior, appearance or character, causes rejection among most members of the group. However, such an interpretation would not be entirely correct. A group is a community of people who differ little from each other. This does not suit the bulk of people, since it is important for any individual to feel their importance and uniqueness. Because of psychological comfort, the individual needs the belief that he is a unique person. And if he does not have expressed talents or features, then one of the easiest ways to elevate yourself is to belittle another. Therefore, the presence of an outsider in the group is a beneficial and necessary background for the rest, since the team asserts itself at the expense of the lagging behind, making him a “scapegoat”. Against the background of such a person, others feel comfortable and confident. An outsider is an "outcast" needed by the team, and if this place is free, then it will automatically be occupied by the one who comes last in the team.

An outsider is a constant value, it is very difficult for such a person to get out of a low-status niche or, for example, become a leader. To do this, you will have to make considerable efforts and work out your qualities with a psychologist who can give specific advice based on the individual characteristics of a person. It very rarely happens that a person gets into this low-status niche undeservedly, of course, he has some certain personal quality, which is why he was assigned there.

How to educate an outsider leadership qualities

The first thing a person who occupies a low-status niche should do is to stop considering himself an outsider.

Second, to define specifically for yourself what is leadership. If there is no knowledge and understanding that a leader is one who takes risks and takes responsibility for his life, then it will not work to get out of the outsider's niche.

A person aspiring to leadership must have:

– clear ethical principles, decency, conscientiousness, erudition;

– high professional and personal qualities;

- persistence, correctness, self-discipline;

- teamwork skills.

Therefore, thirdly, we must realize that it is a person who determines his life and takes on all the risks, responsibility, without relying on anyone.

Fourth, check yourself for a test - whether there are prerequisites for formation or not. To do this, close your eyes before going to bed and remember your most cherished dream. Then mentally transfer your dream to today and present the first steps in implementation, based on the experience that you already have. For example, you are an employee of the banking system, but you dream of singing from the stage. What should you do? Do not quit the bank, but start saving the money that will be required for vocal training. Then you look for a vocal teacher and set aside time for regular practice. After all this is presented, you fall asleep.

If in the morning a person woke up in a good mood, not understanding the reason, then he is already a 50% leader! If a person woke up in a restless state and he does not like everything around, then he still needs to work on himself, in this state the person is not ready to take responsibility or take risks. This needs to be learned from the smallest things, from the smallest steps. For example, you came to a job where you don’t like what your boss tells you for a long time, and you want to transfer some of your functions to another performer, but you yourself want to do something else. If earlier you just complained to your colleagues, everyone endured, now you should write a memorandum in which your problem will be professionally stated, thus the first step towards leadership will be taken.

Fifth, the concept of leadership is expressed in the fact that a person must determine for himself what is a priority for him - the external or internal world? The world is changing according to laws that do not depend on people, and if a person adapts to them like a chameleon, focusing on the outside world, he will lose himself, forget what the meaning of his life is. The concept of leadership welcomes the philosophical one: "the whole world around is the same as inside me." For politicians, officials, employees in state corporations, the outside world is a priority: they adapt for the sake of money and a career.

Sixth, a person must adhere to the opinion that everything can always be developed in oneself, the main thing is to have perseverance and desire, and firmness, charisma, dedication, communication skills and passion will only accelerate the process.

Hardness. Difficult situations arise in the life of every person from time to time, and in order to make the right decision, you should show your character. Often, it is in such situations that a degree of perseverance and firmness of character is manifested. For a person who does not know how to be firm in solving important issues, demonstrating inconstancy, others will never reach out.

Charisma. Develop charismatic qualities in yourself, consisting in attractiveness. To develop it, you should learn to love your life and the people around you.

Devotion. To captivate people, you must believe in your cause and be devoted to it. If you are interested in it, there are sure to be the same individuals who will be carried away by your ideas. One must be able to apply personal efforts to achieve the desired goals in business.

Sociability. It is necessary to develop communication skills in yourself - communication skills with a variety of people, you should be able to convey your ideas to other individuals. It is important not to complicate your speech, to notice individuality in each person, to speak sincerely and insist on a response.

Passion. It develops the willpower of the individual. If a person has a desire to achieve something, then he will always find the strength to do it, even if he has to sacrifice something. Passion enhances the ability to achieve the intended goal. Passion changes the world around a person.

It is not easy to nurture leadership qualities for an outsider. According to the concept of leadership of people in the community, there are three main reasons. They are driven by the desire to learn the necessary information, receive emotional support, and establish business relationships. Thus, leadership in an organization includes three components: informational, emotional and business.

A person who is able at the right time to recall a common goal and call for order is a business leader. It is good to work with such a person, he can organize a business, establish the necessary relationships and business contacts.

A person who has great erudition and is able to convey the necessary information to others is the "brain" of the group or information leader.

The person who is approached “to cry in the waistcoat”, that is, for sympathy, is an emotional leader.

In addition to the three above-mentioned types of leadership, there is a fourth type - universal. This personality includes all three components. The choice remains with the person himself, what kind of leader he wants to be. The main thing is not to be afraid of difficulties and to overcome them with dignity.

I don't want to kill myself. But still I need your help. I have read more than one book on how to live happily. But I am hindered by one, but a very difficult obstacle - the fear of my childhood.
I grew up as an outsider, I was offended in the yard, in the kindergarten, in two schools, even at the institute they teased me. All because in a new place it was easier to immediately paint yourself for a sucker, than in which case to defend your dignity, because the one who lies at the bottom will not fall from a height. Moreover, since childhood I did not like sports, and over time I realized that playing sports games teaches me to be set to win. And I have no one to blame for this, except for my parents, for the fact that they raised me in greenhouse conditions, they did not accustom me to sports!
But over time, I began to understand why I was despised. When I recognize my former self in someone, sometimes I also want to hit him! And although now my work colleagues love and respect me, I am already a complete outsider. The fear of my childhood does not allow me to move up the career ladder (what if my mistake is ridiculed!), And even more so, start relationships with girls (what if she has a boyfriend who will beat me!). When I start thinking about how to overcome this fear, my chest starts to ache, as if I'm touching a sore spot!
I know that life is war. And war is for men, not for effeminate fagots (sorry!) like me! Maybe someone is given by God to fly, and someone is destined to crawl all his life. However, I don't want to be an outsider all my life! But how can I overcome my childish fear, how can I break this steel hoop that is squeezing me?
Rate:

Dmitry, age: 09/25/2012

Responses:

You need to stop hating yourself, take offense at your parents, let go of your past. Today's You is a different person who easily smiles at the past ... Life is not a war, all situations teach us something, sometimes people we hate, we must thank for the lesson. You need to get rid of the desire to hit the one who has now a similar situation, you understand that it is not easy for this person to put it mildly now ... forget this stupid word outsider! You don't love yourself more than anyone else. find positive traits in yourself, I don’t believe in their absence ... Forgive everyone for the sake of God, and develop.

mademoiselle , age: 20/09/09/2012

My friend, I'll tell you a secret: even "real men" are afraid. The only difference is that they don't "listen" to him.
Fear is the main weapon of the devil, the most effective tool to sow despair in a person.
Parable:
The grandson asked the old Indian: "How to become brave?"
Grandfather replied: "Two wolves fight in the heart of every person: one is cowardly, mean and greedy, and the other is honest and brave."
"And which one will win?" - asked the grandson.
"And the one you feed best wins!"
Now to practice:
1. Set realistic goals.
Don't set out to "change your whole life" if you just need to not be afraid to approach a girl. Do only what needs to be done now - and ALL. Don't think too much!
2. Starting any business, set a task for yourself min. and max.
Then you will not have an extremely hard choice: do or die. Indeed, in a different coordinate system, completing the task is not 100% - this is a "complete defeat", even if you have achieved 95% of the desired result.
3. Look "around". If something didn’t work out the way you planned, think about what opportunities opened up for you after the invested efforts and the experience gained. To find a pearl, you need to shovel two manure machines. And give you everything right away)
4. And most importantly: It's scary to take a serious step (project, trip, etc.) - ask the priest for blessings, i.e. GOD'S help.
It's very easy, even if you don't know how. Once you were able to ask a question on the Internet, you can also find the answer there, how to receive a blessing.
And with God's help - away from doubt.

Vitaly, age: 33 years old / 09/09/2012

Hello Dmitry. Whether you are physically strong or weak, it doesn’t matter, take up martial arts. Boxing, for example ... and I promise you will feel better both physically and spiritually in a month. Not to mention what will happen in a year. And do not blame your parents for not accustoming you to sports, this is stupid and unmanly. What, he couldn't go to the gym?

Vladimir, age: 20 / 09/09/2012

Vladimir: I already tried to go to aikido - but after a couple of months I quit. I didn't like sensei's cult of personality, that he is always right, even if he forces you to study through force or slaps you in one place (it doesn't matter, with a soul or not - it's still a shame!). Or am I so lazy - after all, hooligans don't ask if I'm tired or not. But I don’t understand why they teach all sorts of poses in Japanese! In short, I don’t tell any of my friends about this - I’m ashamed to admit that I quit classes out of my own laziness.

Dmitry, age: 09/09/2012 25/09/2012

Life is not a war. It all depends on how you perceive it. Believe me, in 5-10 years you will think completely differently. Look, the only thing you can do is conquer your fear of fighting, it's your most basic fear. I strongly recommend that you sign up for boxing and go there through force. Your whole future depends on it. Your future depends on this fear. If you defeat this fear, you will achieve a lot in life, but if you don’t defeat this only and main fear for you, it will become an eternal obstacle to your development. Believe me. Gradually, the fear will begin to pass, you will adapt, you will get used to it, as a result you will become a completely different person. Act as quickly as possible, the faster, the faster you will change. You will not notice how you will be respected. Take action!

Roman, age: 34/10.09.2012

More Dmitry. Not enough to read books. We must also act, take useful information from there and learn to use it in life. If I talk about food, I won't get hired...right? A man is born to act, for any man there comes a moment when you need to stand up for your friends, family.

Vladimir, age: 20 / 10.09.2012

Do not expect from the future and forgive the past, just live, it's all so clear and familiar. Believe me, a person is weak, only fools are not afraid, and we all live by the grace of God. You should not read about happiness, but just live, sometimes how it turns out, and most importantly, forgive yourself for failures. We all live, strive, but believe me, what you think about yourself does not occur to anyone.
I also read a bunch of similar books, everything is so clear, but then everything is so disgusting. These are psychotechnologies, and there is no need to go there.

Olga, age: 51 / 09/10/2012

Hello Dima. There are a lot of valuable tips here that you should pay attention to. From myself I want to wish you to get rid of bad, obsessive thoughts - with God's help! Otherwise it won't work. After the books that you read, it only gets more confusing - there is little nonsense in your head, and it's a bunch. Just do not feel sorry for yourself - many do not even have that. Switch time to something important, try to help others. It seems to me that your problem will be solved when you realize that the world, God, and people need you. You know how many of those who have worse trouble - look around, they are nearby. Give them your love and don't dwell on yourself. All will pass. Good luck.

Landish , age: 20/11.09.2012

Don't look for answers. Boxing is most likely the most suitable for you, because boxing is the basis of most martial arts. Well, if you have an excuse for this, then just start doing exercises, learn to do push-ups, pull yourself up 15 times to start. Don’t moan how bad everything is, think about the fact that you are a man!!! A man must be strong.

Vladimir, age: 20/11.09.2012

Dear Dmitriy!
Perhaps you can accept your childhood and yourself as you are, and love. Then a lot will become clear. Now you want what you don't need. Love yourself and you will want what you can and should achieve. And you will achieve.

Ilya, age: 24 / 03.10.2012

Hey! in one book I read (for self-acceptance) the advice of a psychologist. You write a negative property on paper and rewrite the property in a positive key (you write it down on paper).
I will give my example. Negative quality - loser, (weakling, loser). A positive feature: on the other hand, a loser will never go to offend and humiliate another (because he knows how it is ...). Which means he's good.
We make a negative-positive substitution for other parties. Write it down on paper.

Text Psychology:

Today it is customary to strive to become a leader. But if there are leaders in a society, there must be outsiders - such is the law of a social group. Who is in this role most often and for what reasons is quite simple to understand. It is more difficult to figure out what to do in order not to become an outsider.
An outsider is usually called someone who is not able to succeed, a person who always turns out to be worse than others. But it is not so. An outsider is rather a social role that, under certain circumstances, can be taken by almost anyone, regardless of their personal qualities.

Outsider as a social role

The study of the psychology of small social groups, which include both the school class and the work team, made it possible to identify patterns in the distribution of roles within each such social group. In order for the group to maintain social balance, all social niches must be filled. If any of the niches becomes vacant, the team seeks to fill it by “promoting” one of the members of the group to the vacant social role.

Moreover, sometimes, regardless of the number of members of the team, some social niches can be filled by only one person, for example, the role of an informal leader or a full-time jester. Other niches can "accommodate" several people. When conducting sociometric studies, psychologists found that the niche of an outsider, or an outcast, can be occupied in a team by no more than two or three members of the group.

But there will definitely be at least one outsider in any social group. This role is necessary in order for the rest of the group to feel "on top". By comparing themselves to an outsider, they maintain their own self-esteem at the proper level. This happens regardless of how bad or good the outsider or the rest of the group members are - these are social laws.

Who is "chosen" as an outsider

It is easy to understand that a person with the most pronounced negative traits that are not welcome in a particular team is usually elected to the role of an outsider in a team. In the school class, the role of outsiders most often falls on children with pronounced physical disabilities, lagging behind in school, etc. In an adult team, this may be an employee with the smallest set of business qualities necessary for work, but this is not always the case. It may well turn out that the personality traits that allowed a person to “occupy a niche” of an outsider in one team will turn out to be quite acceptable in another.

It is believed that it is easier for a new member of the team to become an outsider, but this is not so. The newcomer should have the same negative qualities as the "full-time" outsider already in the group, but expressed to a much greater extent.

How to stop being an outsider

Having occupied this social niche, it is extremely difficult to leave it. It is practically useless to appeal to the morality and philanthropy of the members of the collective: an outsider is necessary for the social group, and the collective can consciously “let go” of a person from this role only under the condition of purposeful psychological work aimed at reorienting socially prosperous members of the group to other, more acceptable mechanisms of self-affirmation. Such work can and should be carried out in such a small social group as a family. In a work team or school class, this is extremely difficult to do.

In order not to become an outsider, a person needs from the very first days of joining a new team to show those qualities that can be positively assessed by its members. The better he does this, the less likely the person will be "elected" to the role of outsider.

If this happens, a person has to either wait until a new member of the team appears who is able to occupy this social niche instead of him (which is extremely rare), or leave this group and try to take a more prosperous social role in the new team.

Outsider is a concept that is increasingly used in Russian, although the word itself came from the English dictionary. This term has several meanings. For example, if you use the Dictionary of Conflictology, you can see that an outsider is a person who is lagging behind and not having success. The "Big Explanatory Dictionary" from the field of psychiatry gives a more accurate and offensive designation. This is a loser.

Outsiders in the structure of a social group

An ecosystem is a structured and organized group that is inhabited by living organisms. The whole group is divided into a certain number of niches and all of them are evenly filled with their species of animals. By nature, there are higher animals and microorganisms that fill the niches located at the bottom of the entire ecosystem.

By analogy, you can build a social group - a society in which people fill certain niches. In other words, there are leaders, middle class people and, of course, outsiders. Each niche must be filled, and if there are too many leaders in the group, then there is an imbalance that upsets the order of the system. This proves that there are no losers. These are just people who were knocked out into the lower strata of society during the struggle.

Such a struggle is characteristic of any kind of social group. It can be a whole people or one individual in a small social group. In either case, the rule is the same, namely - "the strongest survives".

As a rule, the loser's niche always has its own person, because there is no competition, but how do you get into it? As a rule, people who have their own individual characteristics (weaknesses) fall to the bottom of the social group. These, for example, are newcomers in a group. These are the last people who fall into an already formed team, but they fall into the niche of outcasts only if it is not busy, which is extremely rare. People who do not have enough money, physical or moral capabilities can also fall into the lower strata of society.

Outsider Niche and Leader Niche

Having dealt with the concept, it is worth understanding how people become outsiders and whether there is an option to rise to the top. As it was said before, society makes people outsiders. The larger the social group, the more likely it is to be included in the list of outsiders if there are any individual weaknesses. In addition, the number of outsiders also depends on the size of the social group, but there cannot be too many of them. If there are a lot of losers, then this automatically lowers the level of the social group. Few people like this status, and in these cases society tries to elevate some people from the lower category to the niche of the middle class. But is it possible to get into the lead?

The niche of leaders is significantly different from the layer of losers, if only in that there can be only one person who is extremely difficult to move from his throne. The leader defends his rights by any means and enjoys the support of society. It is possible to oust the leader from his position only if he possesses advantageous qualities. valued in a given society. For example, in a sports social group, the main quality is physical strength, while businessmen or scientists value mental sharpness.

The social group is divided into three main categories:

• leader;
• middle class;
• outsider.

This isn't too hard to figure out. But who is the real outsider? After all, even after the interpretation, many questions remain.

Why can't some people fit into society? What traits basically make a person an outsider? How not to fall into this niche of a social group? All these questions can be answered by understanding human psychology. In most cases, it seems that the loser is the person who causes contempt for one's appearance or some personal qualities, but this is only partly true.

In fact, the place of an outsider in the group must be taken constantly. In fact, it's like a "jester" for a "king". If there are no losers in society, then the place of the leader does not look so bright. Naturally, because of this, the place of an outsider goes to beginners or people with weak willpower who cannot defend their point of view.

Indispensability of the outsider

The obligatory presence of an outsider in the group is caused by the psychological reasons of society. It's like good and evil. Against the background of inferior people, the leader and even members of the middle class feel much more comfortable. This helps them feel that they have achieved something and in some ways even instills fear, because there is where to fall. A person definitely needs to feel that he is unique and significant, and without an example of mediocrity, this is almost impossible.

The problem is that the outsider also has such requirements, but he himself does not see in himself unique features. All this is reflected in his life - it makes him weak and accessible to humiliation by society. Everything can be solved only if you believe that the unique qualities everyone has it without exception- you just need to find them and use them. Once unique traits are noticed in a social group, the outsider will automatically become a piece which attracts attention. It doesn't have to be talent, an athletic figure, or a lot of money. It will be enough to simply communicate on topics of interest to the social group.

How to get rid of the role of an outsider

To get rid of the role of an outsider, you need to follow some conditions.

Conclusion

Outsiders are people who have ceased to believe in themselves. Because of this, society throws them to the very bottom of the social group. But if you follow all the recommendations, you can not only avoid the place of the loser, but also compete for the highest positions. The main thing is to believe in yourself, find an individual trait and fully reveal it to the public.

From English, the word "outsider" is translated as "outsider". Outsiders are called people who could not find their place in the team or were rejected by them. Such people feel embarrassed and insecure when communicating. How not to be an outsider?

Outsiders are characterized by such traits as self-doubt, accompanied by fear. The cause of this psychological problem may be parenting mistakes made by parents.

Studying the life histories of people outsiders showed that in childhood they faced negative evaluation from adults when they wanted to take the initiative. Constant pressure in this regard and the lack of praise led to the fact that the child did not develop confidence in himself, in his rightness and his abilities.

Criticism of adults on the actions of the child leads to a fear of self-expression. When such a child, with the uncertainty that has formed in him, gets into his first team, then his timidity and fear prevent him from defending himself.

Further, he may manifest a complex of self-doubt. Unsuccessful entry into his first team leads to the fact that the outsider subconsciously begins to assume his failures and is already set up for failure in advance.

How not to become an outsider

Of course, it is better to work on insecurity with an experienced psychologist - he will be able to give specific advice based on the individual characteristics of a person. If you do without the services of a psychologist, then there are some general tips to overcome shyness in communication. First of all, you need to recognize your personal qualities, no matter how much you like them.

You need to learn how to express your feelings. Try to be persistent and systematically train this quality. Don't be afraid to be intrusive.

How not to be an outsider - try to program yourself for success. To do this, focus on those positive moments in your life when everything worked out for you. Remember your emotions that arose during this, and try to experience them again. And in general, forever throw thoughts like “I will never succeed” out of my head.

We must remember that sooner or later everything changes. Be patient. If you are too sensitive to the emotions of the people around you, try changing your social circle. Spend time with positive and successful people whenever possible.

Observe the confidence of others, but do not envy that they have it, but learn. Do not hesitate at first to repeat and copy the phrases and gestures of the leaders, over time, work out your own and your actions will become decisive.

Don't forget to praise yourself often. Notice and celebrate any accomplishments you have already made. A proven way to increase self-confidence in the shortest possible time is the good old and proven auto-training. it must be remembered that ideal people do not exist, everyone has their own fears, problems and weaknesses. The main goal is to learn not to be afraid of difficulties and overcome them.

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