How to overcome jealousy. Fate can separate people

Envy is one of the ambiguous feelings of a person. On the one hand, it is attributed to sins and is considered as a factor that hinders the development of the individual and depresses the human condition. But on the other hand, envy can become a powerful motivational stimulus, then a person is not poisoned by his own “poison”, but inexorably moves forward, trying to achieve what is the subject of envy. What is envy? And what impact does it have most often? Is it possible to envy in a kind way, the so-called white envy? Or any envy needs to be eradicated? Let's figure it out.

Envy is the product of the envious person himself. Other people have absolutely nothing to do with it, they are busy with their own affairs and problems. Those whom we envy may not even know about our existence, and even more so they did not want to cause this envy (in any case, it was with us). Why do we envy, how it is connected with our inner world:

Envy is often intertwined with greed and jealousy. But all together they are rooted in the past or childhood.
Envy is characteristic of unfulfilled, unloved, unhappy people.
An envious person will always find something or someone to envy. Because he always feels unhappy, unrecognized, unloved. And he thinks that if he had “something” and he would definitely be understood, noticed, recognized, loved.

Envy is an emotion that each of us has experienced for ourselves. Repeating often, it becomes a character trait or. Then the person is called envious. But not all people are like that.

The composition of envy depends on what exactly we paid attention to: the result of an activity or a process, a person’s actions. In the second case, “white envy” occurs more often. This is a complex of joy and pride for a person, admiration for his skills and much less regret about his own lost opportunities. For example, older people may envy the young and energetic in this context.

If we are amazed by the result, then more often there is a "black envy" and a desire to surpass this result (perhaps by any means). There is a third option - envy, accompanied by resentment and annoyance, wishes of misfortune to this person. She also belongs to the "black".

Envy forms the following character traits:

boasting (including with elements of lies and exaggeration);
fear of failure and inadequacy;
belittling (within the framework of its interpretation) the achievements of the object of envy (exaggeration of oneself against this background, “let them envy me” and the manifestation of gloating);
exaggeration of other people's successes;
desire to begin to envy (ostentatious acts for the sake of envy).

Most noticeably, these personality traits of an envious person are manifested in communication. In interpersonal relationships, the difference between "white" and "black" envy is also clearly visible. In the first case, a person wants to elevate himself and develop, to have the same as the object of envy. In the second case - to humiliate the object of envy and deprive him of the object of envy. If the "white" envy contributes, then the "black" one hinders it and makes it degenerate.

Envy and the subconscious, consciousness

Envy grows out of self-abasement. But where does self-humiliation come from - the main question that needs to be solved. Envy is the recognition of one's own powerlessness and failure. That is why people are so afraid to admit it even to themselves. Strong and self-confident people with adequate are practically unfamiliar with the concept of envy. Except for them.

Rejection of the very thought of envy, and even more so of its causes, is the most popular and simplest. But you will have to overcome it if you want to get rid of envy. In addition to denial, the mechanisms of mythologization (recognition of superpowers in someone or something) and self-justification of oneself due to this, rationalization (belittling the achievements of the object of envy) are popular.

Consciously, envy is balanced by pride in one's actions. As long as pride outweighs, we admire other people, but do not envy them. If we have nothing to be proud of, and before our eyes someone's successes, then self-humiliation and envy come. Envy is a recognition and reaction to one's own inadequacy.

Stages of development of envy

How does the formation of envy occur from the position of psychoanalysis? In several stages.

Idealization, that is, the exaggeration of something positive and the downplaying of something negative in a person. The same is true for strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses, defeats and victories. In general, anything. Idealization is a distorted perception of another person. The envious person allegedly appropriates other people's shortcomings and gets rid of his own virtues, endowing them with the object of envy. It is worth understanding and realizing this, starting to behave emotionally opposite, and envy will begin to disintegrate.
Self-humiliation, complete self-depreciation and harm to the object of envy. A person, sometimes without realizing it, begins to provoke an opponent with his own emotional behavior. A state of paranoia develops. In its form, when a person tries to expel hatred for himself from himself and, as a result, hates the one he envies.

Thus, at first a person absorbs the negative traits and failures of the object of envy, endows him with his own virtues, devalues himself. And later, being annoyed and offended by this, he projects back on him full of shortcomings. As a result, a person devotes so much energy to his experiences that he is completely absorbed in hatred and is incapable of productive actions.

How to stop being jealous

First of all, admit this feeling to yourself. Recognize and accept the fact that you are jealous.
Think of envy as a guide to the world of your inner problems. She indicates sick and imperfect points, unsatisfied, hidden desires, the true "I".
Focus on what you have. Write down all your blessings, successes, dignity. Everything that you have and that someone could also envy. Yes, you don’t have your own home yet, but you have an amazing partner and excellent mutual understanding in a relationship. Yes, you did not take a leadership position by quitting, but you did not betray your dream and are doing what you love.
You can always find someone stronger, smarter, more interesting, or at least equal in strength, but a little more successful in one single thing. It doesn't have to be a person from the present. Envy knows no boundaries. You can envy the heroes of books, and real historical figures, and the whole people of another era. Realize it. Don't you think such scales are destructive?
Our psyche is arranged in such a way that it can always find someone better than us and someone worse, especially if we are prone to envy. That's the way man is. Our needs and demands tend to grow. If life is aimless, then this process will be chaotic. Specify the trajectory of your movement.
Have a clear system of ideas about your life: values, meanings, priorities, goals. We envy what is important to us, but is not ours. Refocus your attention, direct your energy not to living the envy and curse of an unsuspecting person, but to achieving the goal. Make the object of envy your goal and go for it. In fact, this is good envy, or envy-motivation.
The second option is to devalue what you don't have. Think about it: is it really important and significant for you to acquire an object of envy? Possessing it, will you really become the happiest person at the same moment? Hardly. The real reason goes deeper. And until you solve it, you will find more and more reasons for envy.
Comparing yourself to others, that is, self-esteem, is another reason for the development of envy. People with inadequate self-esteem are more prone to envy. Learn to compare yourself with yourself, and you will find harmony.
If you are busy with your self-realization, then you have no time to look at other people. Take care of yourself. Find your path and follow it. Find a hobby, become a good specialist, start a family, constantly develop, set goals and go for them. Then you will have no time to look around, and even more so to envy.
In the end, think: why do you need what you envy? To be simple? It doesn't fit. The desired subject should benefit you, positively influence development (physical, mental, emotional, personal). And to what extent is the object of envy applicable to your life? Will it be just as appropriate and beneficial as in the life of an object of envy? If you think about these questions, it often turns out that, for example, an army of friends and world fame are not really needed, but two reliable friends are needed side by side. And if you look even better, it turns out that they already exist.

Envy cannot be completely eradicated, but it can be managed and left as an emotion rather than a character trait. To regulate envy, you need to learn to be content with a certain amount of something. No, not to be content with little, although (someone has such a norm), but to establish a “ceiling” in every area of life. This is the level of benefits that will be enough for you. The fact is that, having no boundaries, you will always feel deprived, offended, unsatisfied.

Write down on a piece of paper the areas that are significant for you, with what benefits you will be happy in love, family, finances, work, life, and personal development. Of course, it is human nature to change and grow, so you can shift these bars in accordance with your inner world. But you can shift only after reaching the previous line and when comparing the goal and real possibilities.

The boundary method can be used in every, even insignificant matter. It is easier for our brain to achieve what we want if we set small goals for it. For example, not to lose weight by 30 kg, but to lose weight by 5, then another 5. This increases our motivation, self-confidence and self-esteem.

So, you can regulate envy with the help of:

and what we cannot change;
correcting what we can change;
achieving the desired;
depreciation of the object of envy;
giving value to existing goods.

We do not envy something specific, we envy the fact that a person is happy, successful, loving, self-sufficient, prosperous. But everyone can do it.

Atneighbor in the yard the grass is greener ...

This proverb, familiar to everyone since childhood, is actually the life motto of many people. What can I say, each of us from time to time experiences a destructive feeling of envy and suffers, trying to cope with it.

Envy is one of the most ancient feelings inherent in man. No wonder it is one of the seven deadly sins.

So what to do if you were visited by this monster corroding from the inside?

Follow and understand

Envy is inherent in different people, regardless of their nationality, character, temperament and gender. It makes a person experience a whole bunch of negative emotions - resentment, hostility, anger, aggression, bitterness, disappointment. And this is not a complete list.

The thoughts of the envious nullify all his good deeds

We live in a society and in one way or another we constantly compare ourselves with other people. The results of these comparisons are not always in our favor. It is at this moment that envy penetrates our soul.

As soon as you feel that your friend's story about buying a new car ceases to please you, stop and listen. Perhaps it was envy.

To begin with, just observe your thoughts and feelings, then admit to yourself: “Yes, I am jealous!”

The main thing is to have time to see and realize the signs of envy in yourself before it completely absorbs your soul and overshadows your mind. And as you know, to realize the problem is already half the solution to it.

Think about your own health

Envy is, first of all, a powerful negative emotion. It, like all other negative experiences, causes significant harm to human health. That is, it corrodes not only the soul, but also the body.

Envy corrodes not only the soul, but also the body

Scientists have conducted hundreds of studies - and the results are all about the same. The nervous system of the envious person comes into a state of strong excitement, stress - and, as a result, a person’s blood pressure rises, the pulse quickens, muscle clamps appear, sleep is disturbed, and even the complexion deteriorates.

No wonder there is a common expression "turned green with envy"! Therefore, to cope with the next bout of envy, you may be helped by healthy egoism and a simple question: “Do I want to harm my health?”

Give compliments!

There is another simple and effective way in the fight against envy - this is to compliment a person in relation to what you are jealous of. It may seem counter-intuitive - but it works and produces amazing instant results.

Action should create emotion, not the other way around.

If you meet the same friend in a new car and feel that familiar pang of envy in your chest, try saying, “Listen, you have a great car! I even like the color you chose!” You will see - at the same moment you will feel better. Envy may not go away completely, but it will recede.

The main thing is that everyone wins in this situation: your friend will receive a pleasant compliment, and you will begin to breathe more evenly. Everyone is happy! Let your compliment be not even very sincere, let it be said through force - but still it will lead you to a good result.

Pray for those you envy

By such behavior, you show your inner "demon" a firm intention not to obey its whims, but to act in the opposite way. Just try! Action should give rise to emotions, and not vice versa!

Feed the white wolf

Indian story about two wolves

Once upon a time, an old Indian told his grandson one vital truth.

“Inside each person there is a struggle very similar to the struggle of two wolves. One black wolf. It represents evil: envy, jealousy, regret, selfishness, ambition, lies. The other wolf is white. It represents good: peace, love, hope, kindness, truth, goodness, fidelity.

The little Indian, touched to the depths of his soul by his grandfather's words, thought for a few moments, and then asked:

Which wolf wins at the end?

The face of the old Indian was touched by a barely perceptible smile, and he answered:

The wolf you feed always wins.

Time cures

Based on the research of scientists and sociologists, the following conclusion was made: envy tends to weaken with age. Most acutely this feeling is experienced by young people under 30 years old. From the age of 50, the level of envy decreases markedly.

Time heals everything - even envy

And this is quite logical - give everything to the young at once. They see bright flashes of someone else's life and do not compare this with a holistic picture of the fate of those people who are so desperately envied. Perhaps, if you give them the opportunity to try on the skin of the "lucky ones", it will turn out that not everything is so easy and simple.

And is it worth envying such a life, even if the very coveted car is present in it? With age comes experience, wisdom, understanding that everyone has their own way and the ability to appreciate what you have. And yes, you need to take care of your health.

So, if you can’t cope with bouts of envy at all, you just have to wait - and it will pass by itself. Especially if YOU help a friend fix HIS car...

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All reviews are provided by our students - real people. We do not guarantee that you will achieve the same result. Everyone has their own individual characteristics and their own path, which you need to go through yourself. We will help you with this!

It is quite natural to sometimes be imbued with a feeling of envy. However, if you are so blinded by it that you spend all your time wishing for what others have and you don’t, and you can’t look at your life from the outside and appreciate what surrounds you, then we are talking about a problem. If you want to overcome feelings of envy and live a contented life, read on.

Steps

Understand your envy

Admit to yourself that you have a problem. Before you start fighting envy, you need to admit to yourself that this is a real problem that affects your life and prevents you from loving yourself. Envy is a very debilitating feeling that can interfere with your goals and keep you from getting better. Here are some signs of envy in your life:
- If you spend most of your time wishing for what others have instead of appreciating what is given to you.
- If you constantly compare yourself with your friends, your family members, colleagues and constantly come to the conclusion that you lose in this comparison.
- If you are jealous of a particular person and cannot spend more than five minutes with her, not wanting to have her clothes, appearance or position.
- If you envy the relationship of all your friends and want your romance to be at least half as successful as theirs.
- If you hate it when your partner communicates with any member of the opposite sex. You are deeply convinced that each of them is trying to win it back from you.
- If you are so obsessed with the idea that your partner is cheating on you that you constantly check his Facebook or even email and phone.
- If you compare your relationship, career, or family every few minutes to the relationships, careers, and families of everyone you meet.
- If you get jealous to the point of losing momentum when your girlfriend spends time with someone new, constantly wondering "what's wrong with me?
Think about your envy. Once you accept that you have a real problem and want to tame the ugly green dragon, you will need to first understand why you are feeling jealous. If you feel that you are lacking in what others have, then your own life is likely to be lacking. Here's how to understand where your feelings come from:
- Are you jealous of a particular aspect of your friends' lives? For example, if you're only jealous about your friends' romantic relationships because yours isn't as good, then you need to try to improve your relationship or end it if it's not worth it. Is your best friend trying to be an artist and you're jealous because you're afraid to take that step yourself? This may be a sign that you need to rethink your career path.
- Are you jealous of absolutely everything that others have? If it seems to you that you have nothing that others can envy, then you suffer from an insecurity inferiority complex. You have to work on your self-esteem before you can get rid of feelings of envy.
- Are you jealous of how your friends look? Do you think your life would be much better if you looked like them? In this case, you need to develop your individual style, spend more time doing physical exercises and monitor your nutrition, as well as learn to love the best in yourself and remind yourself of this every day in front of the mirror.

Fix the situation

Make yourself better. If you are a chronically envious person, then you probably feel that you are not worthy of admiration because you are not active, interesting or energetic. It's time to work on yourself and become a person who does not experience feelings of envy, as he is quite pleased with himself. Here's what to do:
- Become confident. Write down everything you love about yourself and make a list of your flaws. Work on all your shortcomings and you will start to feel better. If you start to like yourself, you will have less reason to envy others.
- One of the most common reasons for envy is material wealth. If you're jealous of a friend who has a lot of money or is from a wealthy family while you don't have a fortune, you have to accept that you won't be able to buy much of what she can. Instead, count your money. Save and buy some of the most important things for your wardrobe or home that will delight your soul.
- Work on your body. If you're jealous of your friend's firm abs, just start going to the gym more often. Remember that although each person is born with a unique body, you can still control your species. If you think that everyone around you looks better than you, and that there is nothing you can do to change this situation, then you may have problems with your appearance and may need to seek help from a doctor.
- Remember how important it is to be yourself. You will not overcome your feelings of envy if you try to be like your friends and build your relationships in the same way as they do. No two people are the same, and it will only get worse for you if you try to imitate someone else. While different people should inspire you in different ways, remember that you are a unique person and never compare yourself to others.
Whatever you do, try to do well. Perhaps the reason for envy is that you do not like what you are forced to do on a daily basis. To avoid this, you must take pride in the hard work you do and also be enthusiastic about self-indulgence. If you are busy with your own goals and interests, you will not have time for envy.
- Do more of what you enjoy. If you spend a lot of time daydreaming about being like your friends, it might be because you don't do things you're proud of. Develop your intellect by reading more poetry, plays, novels, improve your skills, whether it is knitting or fixing furniture. The more you work on your personality, the happier you will feel in your body.
- Develop your career. If you're jealous of a friend who makes her dreams come true or who gets a promotion at work, then you need to either work harder at your job or change your profile and do something you really enjoy.
- Set goals for yourself and achieve them. Start small. If you've never run before, challenge yourself to run 5K non-stop. If you succeed, you will be proud of what you are capable of and will try to set other goals for yourself.
Improve your relationships with people. If you're jealous of someone because they have so many friends or a perfect relationship, it's likely that something is missing in your own relationship. Try to have interesting conversations with your friends and build open and honest relationships.
- If you like your friends or partner, then you will have no reason to be jealous of other people's relationships. If you have a strong relationship, you will feel confident and secure.
  - If jealousy is at the core of your friendship, it might be time to end it. If one of your friends is constantly trying to make you jealous by boasting about what she has, you may need to leave this person in the past.
- Improve your relationships with family members. If you don't spend enough time with your family, you might be jealous that someone has a close relationship with their family members.
- Improve the love area of your life. If you're in a serious romance, work on maintaining open and honest communication and getting better at pointing out the flaws in the relationship. If you are single, work on feeling happy, not being attached to anyone and interested in finding a partner for the future, instead of being jealous of someone else's relationship.
Improve your outlook
1. Remind yourself how lucky you are. When a feeling of envy prevails over you, you cannot look at things objectively and understand how happy you really are. Remind yourself that you are awfully lucky, if only because you have hot water, food in the fridge, good health, or even access to a computer. Here's how to do it:
  - Realize how lucky you are compared to most people in the world. Remind yourself that many people in the world don't have much of what you take for granted. You have probably never really experienced real hunger, that you are healthy and can easily see a doctor, that you have enough clothes to keep you warm, and that you are not really oppressed where you live. This is more than many might think.
  - Understand that you yourself have a lot that can cause envy in others. Make a list of at least 20 items that other people would like to have. The list could be something as simple as "hot water" or something more intricate like "the ability to make anyone laugh."
  - Understand that no one you envy has a perfect life. Be realistic about them. Make a list of what you envy from them, and then try to think about what they would like from what you have. For example, you may be jealous of your friend's wonderful romance, but she may be jealous that you have two loving parents. You may be jealous of your friend's promotion, but she might wish she were as talented an artist as you are.
2. Be a more generous person. If you spend more time helping others, you will not only feel better, but you will also have a better understanding that you have a lot of things that others would be incredibly grateful for.
  - Volunteer in your community. This will remind you once again how lucky you are when you help people learn English, learn to read or feed them. Being around people whose basic needs cannot be met will remind you how lucky you are with your own life.
  - Help your friends. Help a friend who is having relationship problems, or encourage a friend who is having a hard time preparing for their final exams. Penetration into other people's troubles will help you realize that it's not only you who are having a hard time and that you are not the only one trying to improve your life.
  - Do nice little things for those you love. Help a depressed friend do their laundry, or take a friend whose car has broken down for a ride. You will feel useful and appreciate what you have more.
Focus on your qualities. While you may still be missing out on a lot, focus on the aspects of your life that you enjoy, such as your relationships or your wonderful job. Highlight what you have instead of thinking about what you lack.
Refrain from envy in the future. Once you do your best and defeat the feeling of envy that prevails in your life, make sure that it does not return in the future. There are a few things you can do to keep the ugly feeling from coming back to you in the future:
- Don't take anything for granted. Every morning, remind yourself of the ten things you are grateful for in life. By doing this daily, you will become a person who has nothing to envy.
- Avoid situations that can make you jealous. If you cannot contain your jealousy for your partner, do not date young people who like to communicate with the opposite sex. If you have a friend who has everything and you're jealous, try to spend less time with her so you don't feel awkward.
- Recognize this feeling in yourself. As soon as you realize that you are jealous of someone again, go home and write everything down in a notebook. Why are you jealous of this person? How can you stop this feeling before it gets out of control?
- Remember that sometimes it is useful to be imbued with a feeling of envy. Don't beat yourself up if sometimes you can't avoid that feeling. If your girlfriend bought a new car and you wanted to too, or if one of your friends announced the wedding, and you would like to find a partner for yourself, then it's perfectly normal to envy someone else's joy for a short time. When envy dominates your life and influences your every action, only then is it a problem.

Avoid telling people how lucky they are. Thus, you will confuse everyone around.
Envy is an unattractive quality. There is nothing more harmful in a relationship than jealousy. This will only be an indicator that you are not confident in your abilities and data, and your partner will be disappointed in you.

Warnings

If you have tried everything and it seems that nothing will help you, then you may be suffering from depression and should seek help.

Envy is a threat to the one who is envied, but also woe to the one who experiences this heavy and painful feeling. A person who feels jealous is upset by the slightest sign that someone is doing better than him. Someone is smarter, someone is more beautiful, someone has more wealth in the family, someone has a good friendly family, and someone has achieved success in the professional field or made a career ... Envy always chooses something good for yourself, but someone else's. An envious person deprives himself of the opportunity to rejoice. Someone else's happiness causes painful irritation, hatred in him. An envious person is just waiting for when, finally, it will be possible to gloat over someone's bad luck, rejoice at someone else's mistake, which will be inflated to impossible proportions, or a stupid illogical act, a quarrel between lovers, the collapse of someone else's career and ordinary human grief. Envy in its neglected form is a wish for evil and a desire for dirty intrigues and gossip, a dream to destroy what causes internal suffering in an envious person. Sometimes this black feeling pushes a person to meanness, betrayal, a crime against conscience. Thus, the envious person lays "time bombs" in his own life and psyche. It's no secret that bad wishes come back to us in the form of bad consequences. Whether we like it or not, the universe returns both good and evil to us, increasing it several times over.

There is also the other side of the coin: an envious person devotes his thoughts to other people's lives and does not take care of himself, does not create, and sometimes even destroys his own life. Envious people are failures because they feel like failures and treat themselves as failures. In the words of an envious person, there is not only anger, bile, exaggeration of other people's shortcomings, but also their own internal constant pain from the fact that life, in the opinion of a person consumed by envy, did not give him something.

How to deal with this disease?

Succeed! This will boost your self-esteem. An inferiority complex is the main flaw in an envious person. You should carefully understand yourself, understand what is missing for complete happiness. And turn envy to your advantage. Make an effort and change your life for the better. Someone knows a foreign language and got a good job. Who's stopping you from doing the same? Someone got married well. Why not stop watching others and take yourself seriously - clean yourself up inside and out, start looking for the right partner?

Stop judging other people. No need to divide life into white and black. Life is much more difficult! When you envy someone, you see only what is "showed" to you, but you cannot see the other side. Does your friend have a handsome, charming husband? But you are not aware of how she cries into the pillow at night, knowing about his betrayals and flirting on the side. Someone has a good job and high earnings, but you do not suspect that due to nerves and overstrain, this person has long lost healthy sleep and has developed impotence, which his smiling wife will not tell you about. Remember: everyone has their own happiness. And everyone has their own grief, most often hidden from prying eyes.

Stop reacting to other people's boasting. Boasting is usually inherent in people who are not entirely confident in themselves, suffering from a feeling of insignificance. They try to value themselves in order to hide from others their fears and a sense of infringement by a lack of attention. And you take it at face value.

Analyze who you envy. Try to understand what exactly causes envy. They say that your price in society is no higher than that of your rival, whom you envy. Try to ignore the little things. Pick a higher bar. Envy Marilyn Monroe! Try to become the same charming, feminine. Envy Schwarzenegger! After all, finding time to visit the gyms is not as difficult as it seems. And in the end - even if your body does not become as powerful, but in the eyes of those around you, your rating will increase significantly.

Develop the ability to be grateful life, parents, loved ones, God, finally, for small and big joys, for everything that happens to you. Gratitude is a serious counterbalance to envy, which implies hidden and explicit claims to the world and people. Have you made a mistake? Great, but you have learned to bypass these pitfalls. With each step you gain experience, become smarter, more understanding, deeper. Work on yourself. And envy will recede from you, giving way to success and a positive outlook on the world.

Get rid of the useless habit of comparing yourself to others. They have their own life, you have it no less inimitable and unique. It is worth understanding once and for all: you will never become what the people you envy are. This is their place. It is necessary to become not like someone else, but the best, the only one of its kind. To show in yourself such qualities that are inherent in you, to polish your strongest sides, abilities and inclinations.

And most importantly: do not forget that you are unique! You should not chase other people's feelings, successes and social status. Life has a place prepared for you no worse. The main thing is to be ready for it, to be worthy of this place, to feel in your place easily and freely, naturally. And for this you need not so much: to be yourself, to look for support, the components of life success and creativity - in yourself. After all, as the unforgettable Oscar Wilde said: "Be yourself, the rest of the roles are already taken."

First, let's find out how psychology defines envy. The science of the soul tells us that this is a multifaceted feeling, consisting of several levels, behind which there are various motives. Usually, when people speak negatively about envy, they mean its dark side, in other words, “black envy”. In this case, a person may wish harm to the object of his envy. At the same time, the envious person usually unconsciously replaces the true reasons for his supposedly humiliated position: he perceives his object of envy as the cause of his own failures and in fact relieves himself of responsibility both for his failures and for successes and achievements. The reasons for this are individual, but, as a rule, this hides a feeling of inferiority and low self-esteem.

As a result, the envious person evaluates himself only in comparison with other people and often does not notice how he enters the race for other people's values and goals. Begins to want something simply because someone else has it, and not because he really needs it himself. Therefore, it is so important to overcome "black envy" and gain freedom and inner harmony.

However, there is also such a phenomenon that can be described as “white envy”. In this case, the one who is envied becomes an idol, a role model, a kind of standard against which the envious compares his achievements and goals. This is the productive side of envy, which helps you push forward and achieve more.

How can you get rid of the "black envy" and use all the advantages of the "white" one for your own benefit? We offer 8 ways:

1. Instead of self-criticism, focus on your own merits. There is no person without flaws. Make a complete list of yours and think about which ones you could forgive yourself. Look at this list through the eyes of your loved one. Perhaps some of these qualities are your strengths? Or is it worth working on yourself, and then the shortcomings will become virtues? Learn to notice positive qualities in yourself, and you will notice that you will feel calmer and freer.

2. Compare yourself only to yourself. As we found out earlier, behind the feeling of envy lies low self-esteem and a sense of one's own inferiority, as well as an orientation towards the achievements of others. Therefore, it is so important to evaluate yourself only in comparison with yourself in the past. What kind of person were you yesterday and what can you be tomorrow? That's what really matters.

3. Think about your true desires and values. A friend boasted of a new smartphone, your neighbors left for the winter in warmer climes, and a colleague got a promotion instead of you. These are just a few examples of what can be a cause for envy. And when this feeling arises, think about whether this object of envy will bring you happiness? Your whether this is the goal? As in our example, do you really need to upgrade your phone too, are you ready to change your usual life dramatically by moving to another country, and do you really need a promotion - with all the responsibility that comes with it? And most importantly, how do these three such different goals fit together?

4. Rejoice in small victories every day. Instead of being upset because you don’t have something, it’s better to learn to be happy with what you have. Make a list of what makes you happy in life, from 30-50 items. It is very important that these are actions of different scale - from buying a chocolate bar to traveling around the world. And that it was an action that you can implement yourself. For example, the wording “I will be pleased with the call of my best friend” should be replaced with “I am happy when I call and communicate with my best friend.” And now the fun part: run a personal marathon, and within 2 weeks, complete the actions from the list. With one condition - not to be limited to one thing, but to perform different actions all the time. The result will not keep you waiting: soon you will feel that you have begun to enjoy life more often. Let this become a good habit!

5. Revisit pleasant memories more oftenm . Surely, interesting events are happening in your life, it’s just that a person tends to quickly forget about them, plunging into negative experiences. Ask yourself the question often: “What am I grateful for in life?” Maybe last year you had a wonderful trip to the sea or you attended a concert of your favorite rock star, met with friends. This is what real life is about, not constantly comparing yourself to others.

6. Don't forget that envy destroys. Moreover, not only your psyche suffers from this, but also your physical well-being. Several studies have convincingly shown that envy, like other negative feelings, is bad for health. For the body, feelings do not pass without a trace, they can provoke the emergence of psychosomatic diseases. Take care of your health and let go of heavy thoughts.

7. Assess realistically whether you should envy someone. Many people go out of their way to impress others, but “behind the glossy façade” there may be something not at all rosy content. For example, your friend bought a new car. But for this, she took out a big loan and is now forced to save on everything, and even loses a lot of time in traffic jams. Is there anything to envy here?

8. Treat envy as a motivation for your own development and growth. Let the victories of others inspire you to new feats. In addition, there are very few lucky people in the world who got everything just like that, without hard work. As a rule, people need to put in a lot of effort to achieve success. Working on yourself is a constant self-improvement. Your knowledge and experience must be accumulated and developed. In this case, you simply will not have time to reflect on the cloudless life of those whom you envy.

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