“There are moments when it is appropriate to say something and moments when it is better to remain silent” (c) Aung San Suu Kyi
“There are moments when it is appropriate to say something and moments when it is better to remain silent”
Aung San Suu Kyi
Here are 10 situations in which we advise you to remain silent.
1. When you don't have the right facts
Harlan Ellison, the most prolific short fiction writer in history, once said, "You have no right to your own opinion, you have a right to an informed opinion." Whether you agree with this or not is up to you. However, if you talk about a certain topic without having facts or evidence, then you give the impression of a "close-minded" person.
In delicate matters, it is better to remain silent until you have the necessary facts.
2. You are sure that your words can hurt others.
Each of us had moments when we unfairly offended a person by saying something in a hurry. Even realizing what consequences our words would lead to, we still decided to say them.
To avoid this, it is better to remain silent if you are angry.
3. You think you will regret what you said later.
This situation is often related to the previous one. When we become impulsive and short-tempered, there is a huge chance that we will hurt both others and ourselves.
Are the spoken words worth it so that later we would be ashamed of them? Definitely not.
4. When you should listen to others
The truth is that it is extremely rare for people to fully focus and focus their attention on the speaker. Basically people don't want to listen; they want to be listened to.
Learning to focus your attention and listen to others will help you improve relationships and expand your knowledge.
5. When we have nothing to say
We all know how unbearable "awkward silence" can be, but keeping up small talk requires certain communication skills. We don’t argue, it’s nice sometimes to chat about nothing with friends, but why should we be obliged to say something if we really have nothing to say?
6. When they try to hurt you
Someone may not like us for no specific reason, and they may mock us - no one is immune from this. If they are trying to offend you, you do not need to respond to it. In such cases, it is best to end such a conversation immediately.
7. If you are trying to change your behavior
This is commendable if you are trying to kick a bad habit, but changing your behavior is not easy. Our habits often recur if we don't pay attention to them.
If we try to change our way of speaking, we get conflicting thoughts and feelings. It is better to be silent until you take yourself and your thoughts under control.
8. If you are overwhelmed with negative emotions
Again, there is no such unwritten rule that would oblige you to talk to people, especially when in a bad mood. As mentioned earlier, negative emotions can cloud our consciousness and lead to undesirable consequences.
9. When you could be doing something more productive
What is the point of these simple conversations if this time can be spent on something more important? Not surprisingly, talking about nothing is a way to avoid responsibility.
Think about something more useful that you could do instead.
10. If what you say might reflect badly on someone
Talking badly about someone intentionally trying to harm them is at least stupid, in this situation you do not win anything. This applies to your partners, friends, relatives or colleagues. If the problem arose between you and not a close person, solve it with him personally.
Of course, it's great when you have the opportunity to speak out, but still there are times when it's better to keep your mouth shut. Sometimes speaking your mind can put you in an uncomfortable situation. If you are not confident in your actions and words, it is better to be silent. “Speech is silver, silence is gold”, as they say. The following are examples of situations where it is better to remain silent.
shutr.bz1. If you suspect someone is pregnant
One of the best times to keep quiet is if you suspect someone is pregnant. You do not want to offend someone with your congratulations, if in fact it is not true. I suggest that you do not rush with joyful exclamations, but wait until the girl herself informs you about this.
2. If you have nothing nice to say
This is elementary, but sometimes people forget that it is better to remain silent when they have nothing good to say. This can be a sign of bad taste. Every time I said something bad to people, later I was very ashamed.
3. When someone insults you
Although it is very difficult to restrain yourself when you hear unflattering or even obscene speech in your direction, it is still better to remain silent. Returning insults is childish behavior, and although you do it defensively, it can still end up in a fight. My advice to you: be smarter and older - just accept criticism and do not stoop to the level of the interlocutor. You can read other tips in the article -.
4. When someone speaks
It is impolite and rude to interrupt a person who is speaking, unless, of course, you have a very important message, in which case you need to apologize. Otherwise, interrupting someone seems like selfish behavior, that is, you think that your words are more important than the words of the interlocutor. Therefore, before you start speaking, wait until the previous speaker has finished speaking.
5. In a quiet car
Have you ever wanted to sleep, work, read, or just be quiet on a train? That's what quiet cars were made for! Unfortunately, there are many people who disregard this rule and prefer to chat about everything and nothing. In this case, let them move to another car, or be silent and respect those who want to relax.
6. If you don't have enough facts
It's very easy and simple to guess, but be careful with it! Guessing can be wrong because you don't have enough facts. You should either take a time out and collect more reliable facts that you can rely on in continuing the conversation, or keep quiet.
7. If the question or topic is none of your business
Have you ever said to someone "It's none of your business"? So you don't need to know everything about everyone. Some things are not just personal, they do not concern anyone at all. Questions like “How much do you earn?” just indecent! It simply doesn't concern you. For example, it is always unpleasant for me to answer him.
If you are one of those who like to chat, then, of course, in some situations it will be very difficult for you to restrain yourself and not “blurt out” something superfluous and incorrect. But don't worry! Now you know when it is better to remain silent, the only thing left is to try to follow my advice. Can you write any other situations in which it is better to keep your mouth shut?
What to do in such situations? Keep silent? Reply? And when exactly is it worth answering, and when is it really better to remain silent? Psychologists, as always, know the answer. Well, or at least trying to find a way out of this unpleasant situation.
So, you are in a situation where you really want to express everything that you think, but this will be the beginning of the end. How do you know when you can speak your mind and when it is better to remain silent?
Psychologist and Ph.D. Leon F. Seltzer offers his vision and identifies eight situations when it is better to bite your tongue.
Option number 1. When you can offend someone, but do not affect the resolution of the situation in any way
If you understand that this is your personal assessment of the situation and it may offend the interlocutor, but at the same time it will not help to solve the problem at all, it is better to remain silent. Some people can be very responsive and friendly, but also very impulsive and touchy (and this is a very common combination). As a rule, in this state they do not accept someone else's point of view.
What to do if they annoy you with their actions? Try to internally analyze this conflict for yourself personally, draw conclusions and try to deal with your disappointment internally, and not express your point of view to your opponent.
Option number 2. To the question: “Is it true that I turned out terribly in the photo?”
This question usually has two answers. First - you will try to convince him of the opposite, at least out of politeness, even if the person really looks terrible. The second is the truth, whatever it may be. Both of these options are not very suitable, since in the first case a person will go in a terrible way to a meeting or to, and in the second he will be very upset. You can only speak directly like this to a person with normal self-esteem, who normally treats criticism.
In this case, it is difficult to be original, since this is precisely the “better to remain silent than to speak” option.
Option number 3. When the interlocutor deliberately causes negativity in you
Very convenient, by the way, because later you can say that you started it and accuse you of being rude. Very often, passive-aggressive people behave in this way, who seem to do nothing special, but by their behavior and actions they try to evoke maximum negative emotions.
When criticism is expressed (albeit constructive), you automatically turn on self-defense mode, and this is quite natural. In this situation, Leon advises not to interrupt, to silently listen to everything and try to answer very restrainedly or keep your opinion to yourself, saying that you heard the opinion of the interlocutor.
Option number 4. When the interlocutor is nervous, and your answer will piss him off even more
Before you try to explain something to a too excited interlocutor, just remember yourself in this state - “I don’t hear anyone but myself”, right? In this case, it is worth giving a person the opportunity to speak out, let off steam, and only after that carefully express his opinion. Any attempts to do this during the release of aggression will not lead to anything good and can aggravate the situation, since in this state any arguments, even the most logical ones, can be turned upside down.
Option number 5. When the interlocutor tries to piss you off even more
Anger is a very bad emotion, which is desirable to keep at a controlled level. But some especially gifted people know how to infuriate even the most calm. If you feel that rage is growing inside you, your heart rate is racing, your hands are starting to sweat, then take a few deep breaths and ... keep silent. Otherwise, everything said in this state (and you obviously won’t say anything good) will be used against you in the future.
It's hard to resist, but it's possible. To do this, Dr. Leon Seltzer recommends at least occasionally practicing - it helps to be collected and very calming.
Option number 6. When someone teases you
Responding to ridicule is a thankless task, since the original goal of the offender is your reaction, whatever it may be. This is especially true when you are dealing with a professional bully (troll). These people can use any of your answers against you. The only reaction they don't want to get from you is to be ignored. So don't please them and ignore any attempts to piss you off and get you to respond.
Option number 7. When you are involved in a conversation on topics that you do not understand
There are people who always try to speak only on those topics in which they are professionals, knowing that their interlocutor does not understand anything about it. This is such a peculiar way to raise your self-esteem and humiliate your opponent. Another option is people who always consider themselves right and who simply cannot be argued with.
Never argue with idiots. You will sink to their level, where they will crush you with their experience. Mark Twain
Will you argue with an idiot?
Option #8: When Your Reaction Amplifies the Unwanted Behavior
The simplest and most eloquent example is a children's tantrum with wallowing on the floor. Thus, the child tries to evoke at least some kind of reaction in you, and then begins to hysteria even more. This is when the child accidentally fell, skinned his knee and begins to sob softly, carefully watching your reaction. If you get alarmed and begin to hysterically ask if everything is all right with him, a quiet sob of 100% will turn into a loud roar. I can confirm this to you as the mother of a 7-year-old boy.
When you raise the child with a calm face and say that it’s okay, everything will heal, the child will whimper a little and calm down, but if you start running around him in a panic, constantly asking if everything is all right with him, you are guaranteed a tantrum. Not only because he really hurts, but also because in this way he can beg you for something tasty or a toy as a consolation prize. This behavior doesn't always work with parents who are used to it, but it almost always works with grandparents as well. Unfortunately, some adults behave the same way.
When you read the advice of psychologists, everything seems very clear and simple to implement, but when it comes to actions, emotions turn on and all useful information becomes just empty words that you once read in a smart book or article. It seems to me that these eight tips from Dr. Leon F. Seltzer are quite simple to follow.
Just before you open your mouth and answer, count to yourself at least up to three, take a deep breath, exhale and ... keep silent. ;)
Sometimes there are moments when you really want to answer. And at the same time, you know that if you don’t keep silent and open your mouth now, you will say a lot of bad things, offend a person and, possibly, ruin your relationship with him forever. It is especially difficult to remain silent when a person deliberately brings you to this state.
What to do in such situations? Keep silent? Reply? And when exactly is it worth answering, and when is it really better to remain silent? Psychologists, as always, know the answer. Well, or at least trying to find a way out of this unpleasant situation.
So, you are in a situation where you really want to express everything that you think, but this will be the beginning of the end. How do you know when you can speak your mind and when it is better to remain silent?
Psychologist and Ph.D. Leon F. Seltzer offers his vision and identifies eight situations when it is better to bite your tongue.
Option number 1. When you can offend someone, but do not affect the resolution of the situation in any way
If you understand that this is your personal assessment of the situation and it may offend the interlocutor, but at the same time it will not help to solve the problem at all, it is better to remain silent. Some people can be very responsive and friendly, but also very impulsive and touchy (and this is a very common combination). As a rule, in this state they do not accept someone else's point of view.
What to do if they annoy you with their actions? Try to internally analyze this conflict for yourself personally, draw conclusions and try to deal with your disappointment internally, and not express your point of view to your opponent.
Option number 2. To the question: “Is it true that I turned out terribly in the photo?”
This question usually has two answers. First - you will try to convince him of the opposite, at least out of politeness, even if the person really looks terrible. The second is the truth, whatever it may be. Both of these options are not very suitable, since in the first case a person will go to a meeting or work in a terrible state, and in the second he will be very upset. You can only speak directly like this to a person with normal self-esteem, who normally treats criticism.
In this case, it is difficult to be original, since this is precisely the “better to remain silent than to speak” option.
Option number 3. When the interlocutor deliberately causes negativity in you
Very convenient, by the way, because later you can say that you started it and accuse you of being rude. Very often, passive-aggressive people behave in this way, who seem to do nothing special, but by their behavior and actions they try to evoke maximum negative emotions.
When criticism is expressed (albeit constructive), you automatically turn on self-defense mode, and this is quite natural. In this situation, Leon advises not to interrupt, to silently listen to everything and try to answer very restrainedly or keep your opinion to yourself, saying that you heard the opinion of the interlocutor.
Why do marriages fail? Often this is due to the fact that people have been silent for years, hiding their discontent, persuading themselves that everything is not so bad. And the second half seems that there is no reason for concern. And then it breaks through ... and a continuous stream of claims and accusations of ruined life pours on the head of an unsuspecting spouse or wife.
Psychologists say - talk. Discuss your life, sex, parenting, express what makes you dissatisfied or delighted.
But as folk wisdom says, the word is still silver, and there are things that a man does not need to talk about even in the heat of a quarrel.
Talk badly about his mother. Even if your mother-in-law is far from being a gift, do not criticize her in front of her husband. Does he speak unflatteringly about her? Keep quiet. He can afford it, but you can't. This woman gave birth and raised your husband and is the closest person to him. Try to be grateful to her for this, or at least be sympathetic to her shortcomings. After all, we are not all perfect. Also, think about how bad it would be for you to hear bad things about your mother, or for your children to let you talk bad about you when they grow up. And the desire to criticize will immediately disappear.
About past relationships
We all have a past, and that's perfectly normal. This is our life experience, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. However, try to avoid talking to your husband about your ex. Moreover, do not start this topic yourself, answer in monosyllables or laugh it off if your partner suddenly started talking about it. This conversation will bring nothing but negativity.
Men just can't stand it when they are compared with someone (and women, by the way, too). Even if you scold your ex, this will cause bewilderment in your husband, why did you meet for so long, and questions - do you also discuss your current one behind the eyes.
Set ultimatums
“Which is more important to you, me or your friends?” This phrase can have many variations. For example, “Me or football”, “Me or fishing”, etc. You are, of course, very important for your man, but you are, albeit very significant, but only a part of his life. Do you want him to be happy, and not consider his family life a heavy burden? Then leave him some masculine space free from you. And at this time, go about your own business: pay attention to hobbies, meet friends, visit a spa, etc.
Blame for all mortal sins
Avoid phrases like: "It's all your fault," "I told you," "My mom was right." Firstly, there is no one guilty in a relationship, try not to blame, but try to understand his point of view, because, as you know, everyone has their own truth and what looks like “6” on the one hand, looks like “9” on the other ". And, secondly, in a difficult situation, you should not spend energy looking for the guilty, but you need to think about how to get out of it with the least losses.
Threaten to break. Only talk about divorce if you really want to leave. In this case, you need to discuss how to make it the least traumatic for all parties in the process. Do not useas a means of manipulation. This hurts male pride and leaves a residue on the soul. And it is possible that during the next scandal, when you talk about the break again, he will simply pack his bags and leave. Love to you and understanding!
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