Anxiety and stress, even the most minor, but regular, are harbingers of serious health problems.

And the phrase “all diseases are from nerves” can be called quite justified.

So how to calm down and not be nervous, how to protect yourself from the constant pressure of fears and anxiety? How to maintain your health and stop being constantly nervous, teach yourself to be calm?

Why does anxiety arise?

A person begins to get nervous only through the fault of himself, when he overly "winds" the importance of some events. To stop being annoyed, to find inner and outer peace is a serious work on oneself, which is carried out constantly.

It will not be possible to achieve results in this matter with lightning speed. However, there are certain quick-acting techniques and techniques that will teach you not to get irritated and quickly calm down in stressful situations. But more on that below.

What is anxiety and how does it manifest itself? Firstly, it is a combination of unpleasant physiological processes (a person begins to choke, freak out, sweat, lose consciousness).

Secondly, you need to understand that the state of anxiety is a useless and vain experience that prevents a full life and is not a natural state of the body. When a person is nervous and irritated, he cannot keep life in his hands, loses control over it, and therefore:

• The direction of life is lost. Achieving goals becomes impossible, as the fear of failure suppresses and weakens.
• A person seeks to calm down through easily accessible means. Often harmful: alcohol, cigarettes, tonic or sedative drugs.
• Decreased brain performance. The body spends all the resources on anxiety and nervousness, the concentration of attention falls, and the performance of assigned work or other tasks becomes ineffective.
• The stress to which the body is subjected leads to severe fatigue. Exhaustion and, as a result, diseases.
• The person loses control over their behavior. Facial expressions, gestures, voice, intonations, which leads to social collapse (failure of negotiations, failures on dates due to this problem).

To understand how to calm down and stop being nervous, you need to identify what, in fact, is why you can no longer maintain control over your life. Why are you constantly in a lot of tension, what exactly irritates you, makes you worry and get nervous?

It's all about needs

From the point of view of scientific psychology, in order to stop freaking out and getting annoyed over trifles that gradually develop into major problems, you need to determine in which area the cause of irritation lies.

There are six such areas in total, each of which can become a significant reason for disturbing a person’s peace of mind if he is overly obsessed:

1. Egocentrism. The basis of this need is the need for approval, recognition, if you take the extreme - in adoration, admiration.

It is on the verge of this extreme that a person becomes overly sensitive to criticism in his direction, which leads to anxiety, makes him nervous and irritated. For example, the disapproving look of a complete stranger or the dissatisfaction of a waitress in a cafe, who is rude at the checkout with disdain.

2. Love for pleasure. Excessive craving for pleasure makes a person lazy and irritable when it comes to business and duties. And he will not calm down, will not find harmony until his need for pleasure and entertainment is satisfied.

3. Passion for perfectionism. A person forgets that perfection is, in principle, unattainable. And he begins to get nervous for any reason: he becomes unfair to himself, relatives, colleagues or subordinates, and therefore constantly experiences stress and cannot control himself.

4. Too much independence. People who come to the conclusion that they cannot fit into any framework, sooner or later begin to experience minor irritations that develop into neuroses. They are caused by a normalized work schedule, schedules of institutions, etc.

5. Excessive love for speed. This means the daily race to try to do everything. It is often extreme to fail to realize that the work should be done gradually, and not in two days without sleep.

Failure to complete the task at hand in one "set" can lead to intense anxiety and irritation. And then you will increasingly begin to be tormented by the question of how not to be nervous at work.

6. Excessive need for intimacy. Such people tend to turn all relationships into excessively warm ones, including working ones. Such people cannot understand that some prefer to keep communication with business partners and colleagues within the framework of office etiquette.

Knowing the basis of the causes of irritability and anxiety, you can understand how to calm down. And in general, how to stop being nervous over trifles, which in the end can lead to serious problems with physical and mental health.

What other reasons could there be?

The needs listed above mainly relate to such a large area of ​​human life as work. Although some of them, such as self-centeredness and the need for excellence, extend far beyond the workplace.

There are a huge number of reasons and reasons for fear, irritation and anxiety. There are more than 200 types of phobias alone.

But the most basic fear that makes us nervous and worried every day is the fear of error or failure. We worry that we will look stupid, that we will waste time and energy in vain.

To stop being nervous and calm down will help the recognition to oneself: “I am nervous, I begin to depend on fear, to suffocate from anxiety!”. This will be a sure step on the road to acquiring inner harmony and tranquility.

Stop freaking out - start living!

So how do you learn not to be nervous and not to be afraid to make a mistake? How to find peace, harmony with yourself and the world around you?

There are many complex techniques that have been practiced by psychologists and psychotherapists for years. Based on them, we can highlight the main recommendations and tips on how to calm down, proven by time and experience.

The best thing for this is ... Regular pen and paper! The essence of this psychological technique is to divide problems into those that you can solve, and those that you cannot solve on your own.

The first are written in one column, the second - in another. Thus, a person identifies factors that make him irritated and nervous, and can already consciously approach their elimination.

“If the problem can be solved, don't worry about it. If the problem is unsolvable, there is no point in worrying about it.” Dalai Lama

This technique requires a certain amount of time and complements the first tip on how to stop being nervous over trifles. Recorded problems should be reviewed every 2-3 weeks and noted which of the fears have become a reality.

After 4-6 months, what did not come true will no longer seem possible. By this method, you can teach your mind not to be afraid of obviously unjustified fears.

Love physical activity. Sit less, move more.

Unused energy, especially in the case of mental and sedentary work in the office, can go down a "harmful" path and lead to obsession with fears. Sport is the best prevention of such a loop, it is where you can find real peace.

However, sports are different sports. In order to most effectively deal with irritation and the constant thought “Well, I'm nervous again!”, It is necessary to correctly combine active sports with relaxation exercises. Yoga, meditation and breathing exercises will help you best.

This word refers to everything that makes you create and create. Embroidery, drawing, modeling, inventing jokes - anything. But an important rule: it should be interesting to you.

It is especially good if you divide the types of creativity according to needs.

The following hobbies will help you calm down:

• For those who are always in a hurry. Working with small details, which a priori cannot be done in one sitting (embroidering large paintings, collecting large models, designers, growing plants can teach calmness).
• For those who are overly absorbed in self-love. You should start caring for other people and animals.
• For perfectionists, drawing in an abstract style can be a salvation. Creating amorphous sculptures can teach that the view of perfection can be different.

• For those who love freedom, the best option may be to get a pet, best of all - a dog. You will have to walk with her, you will need to take care of her.
• In pursuit of pleasure, any hobby that requires a lot of time will help.
• For those who are looking for intimate relationships with everyone, one of the options for a hobby that will help calm down is acting. It will be able to teach that in the world there is not one single role of a kind of "universal friend."

How to stop being nervous for any reason? Walking relaxes, calms, takes you out of your comfort zone, leaving little time for worries.

There is no medicine better than a relaxing walk through a beautiful park with your favorite tunes in your player's headphones! Problems are solved, and irritation recedes when you begin to devote more time to yourself and your interests.

How to cope with yourself in a stressful situation?

It is often necessary to remain calm and not freak out here and now. Indeed, you can stop being annoyed and learn to overcome anxiety even in the most difficult situation.

Among the effective express ways of how to stop being nervous for any reason, we can name the following:

1. If you understand that you are starting to get annoyed, suffocate, lose control over yourself, immediately stop dialogue with the “irritant” or engage in an annoying business. Leave the room for a few minutes.
2. If this is not possible, close your eyes and admit mentally "I'm nervous for nothing." Count slowly to ten, inhaling deeply and exhaling. Imagine a cloud of smoke inside you, which is your aggression. Imagine that with each exhalation, this cloud comes out through the mouth, nose and ears, becomes smaller and evaporates.
3. Pour yourself some water. Preferably a full glass. And slowly, stretching, drink everything to the bottom, convincing yourself "I begin to calm down and realize the small significance of what is happening."
4. Get distracted by the little things. Look at the flowers arranged in the office, at the expression on the faces of colleagues, at the outfit of the secretary. Think "I'm starting to calm down." When you close your eyes for a few seconds, it becomes easier.
5. Do exercises, quickly run up the stairs, walk around the office back and forth, start doing some other exercises. As mentioned above, physical activity is one of the best relaxants. Even minimal.
6. If possible, find contact with water. Washing dishes, contemplating a pond, an artificial waterfall, a fountain in the corner of the office or in a nearby park. Water is relaxing. It is a fact.
7. Think about what is worse for someone. That things could be so much worse with you. Admit to yourself, "I'm nervous about the little things."
8. Find the benefits in the current situation. Everything has its pluses, you just need to start noticing them, paying less attention to the minuses.
9. Laugh. This will help you calm down. If you are in the office, go to the toilet and laugh while looking at yourself in the mirror for 5-7 minutes.
10. If laughter did not help, then you can cry. Tears are one of the most powerful releases of tension. After them, the soul always becomes a little easier.

In the above tips, anyone will find the answer to the question of how not to be nervous over trifles. Start living a calm, happy and fulfilling life. Everyone can learn to go to the goal without irritation and anxiety.

And you don't have to be afraid to do so. It must be kept in a cage with massive rods. When you become stronger than him, you will stop being annoyed and nervous for any reason.

Our nervous system is a complex mechanism that includes many components and even processes that are not always clear to us, and often not known at all. Some of them, such as fear, anxiety, anger or apathy, we would gladly get rid of. Fortunately, we can't turn off nature's carefully designed reactions. It is fortunately, and not unfortunately, because there is nothing natural and at the same time unnecessary. Each, even the most inappropriate, in our opinion, property has its own rational reasons and practical goals. Even uncomfortable, unsettling and forgetful excitement is not as destructive as it might seem at first glance.

It may be hard to believe, but it's actually true: the fear that paralyzes you before public speaking is not a sociopathy or a flaw in your upbringing. This is just an instinct, firmly sewn into the most ancient parts of the human brain. It works for all people, just some have learned to hide these emotions, and over time - not to pay much attention to them. And it doesn’t matter at all whether you are going to speak in front of a crowd in the square or take the floor at a close family meeting, how often you have to speak in public and how well prepared you are, glossophobia (this is the term in psychology for the fear of public speaking) will definitely remind you one way or another About Me.

You can deal with it in different ways, but the fact that your negative emotions are not unique and most people experience the same feelings in similar situations should at least reassure you a little. Coming to terms with your fear and accepting it as a given is the first step towards overcoming it. We will assume that it has just been done, and we suggest that you go through all the subsequent steps together, getting rid of the oppressive excitement before the performances with each item of our advice.

How to get rid of the fear of public speaking
You will need all your determination and a sincere desire to get rid of anxiety. Concentrate on this goal and try not to forget about it even in those moments when panic completely knocks out all coherent thoughts from your head. This is the main insidiousness of emotions: they interfere with thinking logically. But you are already armed with an understanding of what is happening and can prepare in advance for the test of excitement:

1. Rehearse the upcoming performance to the conscience, whether it is a report, a reporting concert or a poem at a children's matinee. You must be absolutely confident in your own preparation. If you are faced with the task of getting rid of the excitement of a child performing at a non-children's holiday, do not skimp on praise and instill in him the confidence that he knows the number perfectly. Very often, the awe of the public is caused by internal insecurity and guilt that they cheated, although they could have prepared better. Don't give fear a single chance to take advantage of this loophole. You can rehearse in front of a mirror, but it’s better to ask one of your friends to listen to you and watch your own reaction to a “live” audience.
   
2. By the way, about the audience. Why are you afraid of them? These are exactly the same people as you. Yes, there are many of them, but each individually did nothing wrong to you, and most importantly, they are not going to reproach you or look for flaws in your performance. Perhaps they are also worried about something, most have their own fears and problems. Treat the audience with understanding - and you will feel that it becomes easier to connect with these strangers. Think of them not as a hostile crowd, but as a collection of pleasant, intelligent, and benevolent individuals.
   
3. You are lucky if you have the opportunity to visit in advance where the performance will take place. Be sure to take this chance: go on stage, walk along the ramp, go down to the hall. In general, properly master this unfamiliar territory, including psychologically. It is believed that familiar surroundings give more confidence than seen for the first time.
   
4. Breathing exercises can quickly and effectively return the mood and help you feel more confident. Inhale as deeply as possible and exhale slowly and completely. Try to keep your abdominal muscles involved in your breathing. Such ventilation of the lungs will supply the brain with oxygen and streamline thoughts, even if a panic attack happened to you in the midst of a performance. It is useful to perform breathing exercises for everyone who regularly solos in front of an audience in order to easily master their frizzy nerves at the right time.
   
5. Now for some unexpected advice: don't strive for perfection. Yes, yes, instead of trying your best to perform as best as possible, immediately admit to yourself that you have the right to make mistakes. Everyone has this right, and it's great to relax in stressful situations. And there is a hole in the old woman, and if you are not a professional speaker or just starting a career as an artist, then you are allowed to fall short of the masters in some way. Moreover: it is the mistakes that allow you to notice and correct your mistakes as early as possible in order to prevent them in the future. In other words, your current inexperience is the key to growth and improvement. And to please everyone present without exception is beyond the power of even celebrities and favorites of the public.
   
6. Play for success. Mentally look ahead and imagine yourself having already completed the presentation, and completing it with a bang. Feel this satisfaction with your own achievement as if it were already accomplished. Often such a simple technique helps to get rid of the surging excitement both before the performance and during it.
   

How not to get nervous before a performance
A few tips on how not to behave and what should not be done in any case before the performance, so as not to aggravate the stressful state.

1. Contrary to the great temptation to relieve stress with medication, give up sedatives. Sedatives do not work the same for everyone, and even if you take a proven drug, the effect may be unexpected. It is one thing to drink sleeping pills at night, and quite another - on the eve of a crucial event. You don't want to think slowly, be sluggish, or even fall asleep in the middle of a sentence, do you? So, you have to get rid of excitement on your own body.
   
2. Excitement causes many people to act unnaturally, such as joking at the wrong time and in the wrong place. So, when a serious performance is on the nose, then this is just not the right time. In a tense environment, the brain seems to work convulsively, not keeping up with the language. Your forced jokes are likely to come out awkward and flat. As a result, you will not relax with the help of humor, but only get more upset. Do not provoke such a state.
   
3. Naive school advice like mentally undressing those present, presenting them in comical situations can only distract you from the purpose of your visit to the stage. Few people are able to simultaneously have fun in this way, repeat the text and fight the excitement. So, if you are not aiming in Julia Caesar, it is better to choose a priority direction for thoughts and actions and follow only it.
   

And finally, a simple, direct, but effective advice: do not be afraid. During a performance, nothing so terrible will happen to you that it would be worth such throwing. Even if you stutter, stumble, and generally forget the whole script. But none of these events can compare with truly terrible things, and each of them can eventually be reconciled. And if so, then you should not worry about them.

“How not to worry before speaking in public?” - This is a fairly topical issue for people of many professions and ages. For the first time, we are faced with a similar problem at school, university or at work. And if in the process of studying the fear of speaking in front of classmates brought only discomfort, then tasks from the authorities, where it is necessary to convey certain information to professionals, could generally lead a person into a stupor.

But in fact, the fear of presentations in front of the public is something that you can get rid of. Below we will tell you in detail about how to stop worrying before a performance. So let's get started.

Reasons for fear of public speaking. Children's phobias

On stage, excitement is different. But many people fall into approximately the same state, which is quite difficult to overcome: the audience turns into a frightening crowd, the voice sounds like it’s not your own, your mouth dries up, your knees and hands are shaking. To understand how not to worry before a performance and overcome fear, you need to find out the reasons for its occurrence.

The first of them is born in childhood and is the most underestimated. When a small child speaks loudly for the first time in a public place, one of the parents silences him. Subsequently, this is transformed into a phobia and a person on a subconscious level begins to be afraid of a loud presentation of his thoughts in front of an audience.

When the speaker's voice is clamped, it causes excitement and eventually leads to fear. Fuel to the fire may well be added by school teachers who belittle skills, and classmates who can easily hurt the speaker's feelings without thinking about the consequences. All this provokes the appearance of social phobias and fear of performing on stage.

Fear of society

The second reason why we cannot make our public speech fearless lies in the psychological component of fear. Previously, it was synonymous with such a word as danger. He approached the edge of the abyss - got scared and walked away, felt cold - immediately started looking for a source of heat. Under the influence of daily stresses - study, work, political and economic upheavals in society - the instinct of self-preservation has changed significantly. As a result, people begin to worry in unjustified situations, including during public speaking. There are several reasons that awaken this fear in them:

• Poor knowledge of the information that is necessary for the presentation.
• Fear of making a reservation or saying something stupid.
• Confidence that the audience will closely follow the performance and evaluate it in a negative way.
• Fear of people due to low level of social activity.

Agoraphobia

This is the last reason for the fear of speaking in front of an audience. It is also known as Unlike the fear of people mentioned above, this fear is much deeper. Some do not even realize that they suffer from this kind of phobia.

Show yourself

Having figured out the reason why a phobia of public speaking appeared, you need to convince yourself that this fear does not exist and you should not worry.

People who know how not to worry before a performance have realized one important thing. For them, public speaking is an opportunity to show their best sides and evaluate their own skills in working with listeners. It is very important! Especially for professionals whose activities are related to communications. In this case, with poorly developed communication skills, their mood worsens, discomfort appears, productivity drops, etc.

Benefits of speaking

Fearless speech on stage is the key to self-confidence. If you train skills by expressing thoughts in front of an audience, then soon they will become automatic. Over time, the discomfort when communicating with people will also disappear. What are the benefits of speaking in public? We list them below:

• With the right methodology for preparing reports, after some time, speech literacy will increase.
• There are business and influential people at student summits or work conferences. They will hear your speech and are likely to make lucrative offers in the future.
• In the process of preparation, you can significantly expand your knowledge that is related to the topic of the speech.
• The experience of communicating even with a small audience helps to develop communication skills.

How not to worry before performing on stage and overcome fear

Of course, one can convince oneself that giving a speech in front of people is beneficial. The phobia will recede a little, but the fear itself will not disappear anywhere. You shouldn't fight him. He must be present in order for the audience to receive feedback from the speaker. Only fear needs to be controlled and know reliable ways to overcome it. After all, if you are very nervous, then the report will be spoiled. Here are some tips to help you overcome your fear of speaking.

1. Rehearsal

Spend enough time preparing for the speech. You need to clearly understand what you are saying, and never bring the knowledge of the text to full automatism. In this case, you can easily forget it as soon as stress arises. It is necessary to thoroughly study the topic of the speech and feel the essence for a better understanding. In addition, one must have an idea of ​​how to present the text to the public. Speakers who know how not to worry before a speech will definitely work on this aspect. They understand how important it is to rehearse every step of a public speech. This is how confidence comes to the speaker on stage. There is a conditional rule: one minute of performance takes an hour of rehearsal.

2. Clarity of speech

3. Relevance of the topic

You need to know in advance the composition of the audience and find out what information they will be interested in. It is also worth thinking about how to involve the audience in the performance process. After all, any topic is easily covered from different angles and you can choose exactly the one that will be relevant to the audience. Therefore, it is better to first ask the organizers of the performance for lists of guests and study the areas of their activities. And then everything is simple - you need to connect your topic with their work, formulating the main theses of the report.

4. Conversation with the audience

To create a comfortable atmosphere for yourself and the audience, you can start a dialogue before starting a public speech, talk with those present on abstract topics. After with the audience, you should smoothly move on to your report. This will help get rid of anxiety. And the audience will become much more relaxed.

5. Shift in focus

While on stage, you need to ask yourself: “Why am I standing here?” Excitement appears just when the speaker pays attention to himself, that is, he thinks about how he looks, how his voice sounds, etc. It is worth getting rid of such thoughts. After all, the speaker goes on stage not in order to, but in order to convey useful information to the audience. Such an attitude will help overcome baseless phobia.

How not to worry before a performance and stay confident

It happens that it is impossible to apply the tips listed above because the date of the event is too close. At the same time, a phobia can not give a person peace of mind. If you can not get rid of it, then you should use the following methods:

• Just relax. This is one of the first tips from experienced speakers for those newcomers who are wondering: “What should I do if I am very nervous before speaking?” When the body is tense, you want to shrink and not be the center of attention. Therefore, it is necessary to relax in order not to reinforce psychological discomfort with physical stress.
• During the performance, the posture should inspire confidence.: straight back, open position, both feet on the floor. It is better to push the supporting leg forward a little for maximum stability. This posture will ensure optimal blood circulation, which will deliver more oxygen to the brain, thereby reducing anxiety.
• To bring the body out of a state of stress, you need to normalize breathing. To do this, take a breath, count to four and exhale sharply. And so ten times in a row.
• If the voice during the speech often breaks down with excitement, then it is worth doing speech gymnastics in advance: to speak without opening the mouth, pronouncing the letters as clearly and expressively as possible. This exercise will help relax the muscles of the larynx and face, as well as cope with excitement. Be sure to bring water with you. Perhaps, at the most inopportune moment, the voice will disappear and the performance will have to be interrupted.
• If during a public speech a tremor appeared in the knees, then mentally direct your attention to them. You can also trick the brain by deliberately making your knees shake. After that, the trembling usually stops.
• To maintain contact with the audience, be sure to look them in the eyes. This way you will show that the public speech is aimed at their return and interest.
• If a mistake is made during the presentation, the best solution would be to continue the speech. No need to focus on it. Keep talking like nothing happened. Indeed, in addition to conveying information, it is important to be able to focus on the main thing. Therefore, if we succinctly omit the error, then none of the audience will notice it.

Medicines for fear

Many novice speakers think about what to drink before the performance, so as not to worry. Perhaps the most common sedative is valerian. But here the psychological effect works more. Therefore, we do not recommend drinking any medication before the presentation. Improve your communication skills - and in time the fear will disappear.

Conclusion

Now you know before performing on stage. Be sure to check out the helpful tips in this article. They will help overcome fear, and fearless speech in front of the audience will become your habit. After that, you will never again wonder what to do if you are nervous before a performance. When you feel confident in front of an audience for the first time, you will realize that the existing phobia has receded, and life has become much more relaxed and beautiful.

In this article, I will talk about how to stop being nervous. I will explain how to keep calm and composure in any life situation without the help of sedative pills, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress states of nervousness and calm down, but also explain how you can stop being nervous at all, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general, about how to calm your mind and about how to strengthen the nervous system.

The article will be built in the form of consecutive lessons and it is better to read them in order.

When do we get nervous?

Nervousness and jitters is that feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and events, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and you just worry about every little thing. It is important to understand that nervousness has, as psychological so physiological causes and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is connected with the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to experience, overestimation of the significance of certain events, a sense of insecurity in oneself and what is happening, shyness, excitement for the result.

We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or, for one reason or another, significant, responsible. I think that the threat to life, not so often looms before us, the townsfolk. Therefore, I consider situations of the second kind to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. Fear of failing, looking inappropriate in front of people All this makes us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological setting, it has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let's start with understanding the nature of nervousness.

Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. A necessary defense mechanism or a hindrance?

Our palms begin to sweat, there may be tremors, increased heart rate, increased pressure in thoughts, confusion, it is difficult to get together, concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, I want to occupy my hands with something, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, how much do they help you out? Do they help you deal with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or talking on a first date when you're on edge? The answer is - of course not, and moreover, it can screw up the whole result.

Therefore, it is essential to be clear that a tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it is simply some kind of mental mechanism fixed in the system of habits and / or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the impact of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why remove it? Because when you're nervous:

• Your thinking ability is reduced and you find it harder to concentrate, which can exacerbate a situation that requires the utmost mental resources
• You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, gestures, which can have a bad effect on responsible negotiations or a date
• Nervousness contributes to a faster accumulation of fatigue and tension, which is bad for your health and well-being.
• If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases (meanwhile, a very significant part of the diseases stem from problems of the nervous system)
• You worry about the little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable in your life
• You are prone to bad habits: alcohol, as you need to relieve stress with something

Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand psychological pressure, lost control and lost. So we will work with you on this.

Here is the first lesson, during which we learned that:

• Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
• You can get rid of it by working on yourself
• In everyday life, there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones are rarely threatened, mostly we worry about trifles

I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.

You have to set yourself up like this:

I have nothing to be nervous, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and it's real!

Don't think that I'm just arguing about something I have no idea myself. All my childhood, and then my youth, until the age of 24 I experienced great. I could not pull myself together in stressful situations, worried about every little thing, even almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This negatively affected health: pressure surges, “panic attacks”, dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now all this is in the past.

Of course, it’s impossible to say now that I have the best self-control in the world, but anyway, I stopped being nervous in those situations that plunge most people into nervousness, I became much calmer, compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot to work on, but I'm on the right track and there are dynamics and progress, I know what to do.

In general, everything I am talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I do not invent anything and only tell about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result of personal problems, I would not have begun to remake myself, all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.

Lesson 2. How to stop being nervous for any reason?

Think about all those events that plunge you into nervousness: your boss calls, you pass an exam, you expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, assess the degree of their importance to you, but not in isolation, but within the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the significance of a fight on public transport or on the road in a lifetime, and is it terrible to be late for work and be nervous about it?

Is this something to think about and worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, distract from the current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things that make you nervous will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, turn into real trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries.

This mindset helps a lot. stop worrying about everything. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of the mind, can react in its own way. So let's move on and I'll explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation just before any event during and after it.

Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before a responsible event.

Now some important event is inexorably approaching us, during which our ingenuity, composure and will will be tested, and if we successfully pass this test, then fate will generously reward us, otherwise we will lose. This event can be a final interview for your dream job, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this must be done so that this state does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.

And you realize that an important event awaits you ahead, but no matter how significant it is, anyway, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your life for you: there is no need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not to worry arises. This is too much of a responsibility to let nervousness ruin it, so I will be focused and focused and will do my best for this!

Now we bring thoughts to calmness, remove the jitters. First, immediately throw all thoughts of failure out of your head. In general, try to calm the fuss and not think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale deeply and inhale. The simplest breathing exercises will help you relax.

The simplest breathing exercises.

It should be done like this:

• inhale for 4 counts (or 4 beats of the pulse, you must first feel it, it is more convenient to do this on the neck, and not on the wrist)
• hold your breath 2 counts/beats
• exhale for 4 counts/beats
• hold breath for 2 counts/beats and then inhale again for 4 counts/beats - all over again

In short, as the doctor says: breathe - do not breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds hold - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds hold.

If you feel that breathing allows you to take deeper breaths / exhalations, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.

Only you need to breathe with the diaphragm, that is, the stomach! During times of stress, we breathe rapidly from the chest, while diaphragmatic breathing calms the heartbeat, suppressing the physiological signs of nervousness, bringing you into calmness.

During the exercise, we keep our attention only on the breath! There must be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel that you have relaxed and calmed down. The exercise is done no more than 5-7 minutes, according to the sensations. With regular practice, breathing practice helps not only to relax you here and now, but also in general. puts the nervous system in order and you are less nervous without any exercise. So I highly recommend.

You can see my video on how to do diaphragmatic breathing at the end of this article. In the video, I talk about how to deal with panic with the help of breathing. But this method will also allow you to get rid of nervousness, calm down and pull yourself together.

Other relaxation techniques are presented in my article.

Okay, so we are ready. But the time has come for the event itself. Next, I will talk about how to behave during the event, so as not to be nervous and be calm and relaxed.

Lesson 4

Show calm: even if neither the emotional mood nor the breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, then at least try with all your might to demonstrate external calmness and equanimity. And this is necessary not only in order to mislead your opponents about your current state. The expression of outer peace helps to achieve inner peace. This works on the principle of feedback, not only your well-being determines your facial expressions, but also facial expressions determine your well-being. This principle is easy to test: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more cheerful, even if you were in a bad mood before. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the more relaxed you want to seem, the more relaxed you actually become.

Watch for facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the principle of feedback obliges you to constantly look inward and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too tense? Are your eyes not running? Are the movements smooth and measured or abrupt and impulsive? Does your face express cold impenetrability or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from the senses, you correct all your body movements, voice, facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself already in itself helps you to gather and concentrate. And it's not just that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. By observing yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, do not let them go astray and take you in the wrong direction. This is how concentration and calmness are achieved.

Eliminate all markers of nervousness: what do you usually do when you are nervous? Are you fiddling with a ballpoint pen? Are you chewing on a pencil? Do you tie the big toe and little toe of your left foot into a knot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight, do not often change their position. We do not fidget in a chair, we do not shift from foot to foot. We continue to take care of ourselves.

Take your time: haste, fuss always sets a special nervous tone. Therefore, do not rush even if you are late for a meeting. Since any haste very quickly knocks down composure and a calm attitude. You begin to nervously rush from one to another, in the end you only provoke excitement. No matter how you are rushed, do not rush, being late is not so scary, better save your nerves. This applies not only to important meetings: try to get rid of the rush in every aspect of your life: when you are going to work, riding in transport, doing work. It is an illusion that when you are in a hurry, you achieve results faster. Yes, the speed increases, but only slightly, but you lose a lot in composure and concentration.

That's actually all. All these principles complement each other and can be summed up in the call " look after yourself". The rest is particular and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would only advise you to think about each of your phrases, take your time with an answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. You don't have to try to impress in every possible way, you will impress if you do it right and don't worry, work on the quality of your performance. No need to mumble and get lost if you were taken by surprise: calmly swallowed, forgot and move on.

Lesson 5. Calming down after a meeting.

Whatever the outcome of the event. You are on edge and still experiencing stress. Better take it off and think about something else. All the same principles work here that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting itself. Try not to think too much about the past event: I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, but if I spoke like this and not like that, oh, how stupid I looked there, oh, I'm a fool, but if ...! Just get rid of all thoughts from your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if only), everything has already passed, put your breath in order and relax your body. That's it for this lesson.

Lesson 6. You should not create reasons for nervousness at all.

This is a very important lesson. Usually a significant factor in nervousness is the discrepancy between your preparation for the upcoming event. When you know everything, are confident in yourself, then why should you worry about the result?

When I studied at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, I went to exams completely unprepared, hoping that I would carry it through and somehow pass it. As a result, I passed, but only thanks to the phenomenal luck or kindness of the teachers. Often went to retakes. As a result, during the session, I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying to prepare in a hurry and somehow pass the exam.

During the sessions, an unrealistic amount of nerve cells were destroyed. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought that’s how much everything had piled up, how hard it was, eh ... Although it was my own fault if I had done everything in advance (I didn’t have to go to lectures, but at least the material for preparing for the exam and passing I could provide myself with all the intermediate control tests - but then I was lazy and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during the exams and worry about the result and that I would be taken into the army if I I won’t hand over something, as I would be confident in my knowledge.

This is not a call not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I'm talking about the fact that you need to try yourself do not create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think ahead and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and do not delay until the last moment! Always have a ready plan in mind, and preferably several! This will save you a significant part of the nerve cells, and in general will contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!

Lesson 7

In order to stop being nervous, it is not enough just to follow the lessons that I outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind into a state of rest. And the next thing I will talk about will be those rules, following which you can strengthen the nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, be calmer and more relaxed. As a result, you will understand how to stop being nervous. These methods are focused on the long term, they will make you less prone to stress in general, and not just prepare you for a responsible event.

• Firstly, in order to correct the physiological factor of nervousness, and bring the nervous system to a state of rest, you need to regularly. It is very good for calming the nervous system and calming the mind. I wrote a lot about this, so I won't dwell on it.
• Secondly, go in for sports () and carry out a set of measures that support recovery (contrast shower, healthy eating, vitamins, etc.). A healthy mind in a healthy body: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sport strengthens the nervous system.
• Walk more, spend time outdoors, try to sit less in front of the computer.
Diaphragmatic breathing during a panic attack

Absolute calm is the state of our body, which is considered to be the norm. With it, a person is relaxed, can fully control himself, adequately assess the situation, comprehend what is happening and make informed decisions. Not all people have such calmness, especially in non-standard life situations, including during communication. Thus, the question arises, how to stop being nervous when communicating and learn to control yourself? Our tips will help solve this problem.

The words "no need to be nervous" are good for bringing a person into a normal state of rabies.
Stas Yankovsky

Where does nervousness come from?

Nervousness occurs when irritants appear. They can be different, but as soon as they begin to affect a person, the latter loses concentration and all his mental and physical energy is turned towards these very stimuli, which switch all attention to themselves.

At the same time, a priori, nervous excitement cannot be considered a 100% deviation from the norm. On the contrary, it is necessary for a person to recognize positive or negative situations in life and react to them or avoid them. But since it can be difficult and uncomfortable to stop being nervous in communication, it is important to be able to get rid of tension.

The response to nerve stimuli must always be adequate. If nervousness is excessive, then it already becomes a serious problem. Nervous tension turns into stress, and entails serious consequences on the mental and physiological level.

For whom is excessive nervousness dangerous?

Young people are most susceptible to nervousness, because their psyche is not yet able to cope with everyday stresses. But even at a young age, there are people who are easier and easier to endure problem situations, and there are those whose nervous system is overly vulnerable. It is this category of people who most often experiences problems in relationships with other people, communication, self-realization.

Communication is a fundamental process in the formation of a personality, a necessary condition for any development. That is why excessive nervousness and embarrassment in communicating with others is a serious problem, due to which misunderstanding arises, the inability to concentrate on the subject of discussion, the lack of satisfaction from the conversation and, as a result, the narrowing of the circle of communication.

At an early age, this situation is seen as natural, but over time, if the problem persists, the difficulties are aggravated and the person cannot harmoniously integrate into society, realize himself, develop. That is why it is important to take care of reducing nervousness, up to completely getting rid of it.

Why do we get nervous when communicating?

The reasons for this condition may be different. Nervousness appears when we are just making an acquaintance and do not know the person with whom we are to communicate. There is a natural situation of fear of being rejected or misunderstood.

This moment of nervous excitement lasts only for a while, until we get used to a stranger and determine common interests. If for some people this slightest stress can go completely without a trace, then people with a more vulnerable psyche continue to perceive a person with some apprehension and this becomes an obstacle in conversation.

The next reason for nervousness may be the status of the person with whom you should communicate. If we have to talk with the boss, a strict father, a man or woman for whom we do not feel sympathy. Each of them causes you certain emotions - irritants that can lead to tension, fear or embarrassment.

How to stop being nervous?

Of course, no one will give you a universal recipe for how to stop being nervous when communicating. If there is a problem, then it is necessary to deal with it comprehensively and understand the cause. Often it lies precisely in the fact that a person is afraid of being misunderstood or rejected.

A self-sufficient, self-confident person who knows how to listen and also knows how to clearly convey his thoughts to the interlocutor, no matter what he may be, will certainly never encounter the problem of nervousness during communication. That is why you need to work on yourself, be open to other people and expand your circle of acquaintances in order to gain experience in various situations in communication and be able to respond to them.

It is also important to be able to evoke positive emotions in the interlocutor and are not afraid to be misunderstood or rejected. In this case, you can safely communicate on various topics without experiencing any difficulties at all and without being subjected to any stress. Well, if any arise, then you either stop communicating with the person, or reduce it to a minimum.

It is important to understand that we cannot please everyone without exception. Some people are more active in communication, more open and interested in new acquaintances, while others are closed and prefer to discuss less.

A few rules to help reduce nervousness:

• With whomever you have to communicate, always remember the purpose of the conversation.
• Know how to listen to the interlocutor and always give him the opportunity to speak.
• Find something in common and try to show a sincere interest in the area of ​​​​the interlocutor's life that is somehow interesting to you.
• Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if you don't know what to ask.
• Be attentive to topics that are incomprehensible to you and even more unpleasant, no matter how much you want to succeed in communicating with the person you need.
• Never impose on people who do not show any initiative in communication.

Work on yourself

Always be prepared to communicate. In order to enjoy communication, you yourself must have enough interests, comprehensively developed. By reducing the number of topics you do not understand, you can easily find the subject of discussion and talk with people of different ages. This way, there will be no place for nervousness, and you will be able to calmly share your knowledge.

Do not allow empty talk, chatter and gossip. Try to share knowledge, experience, ideas. If a person is pleasant to you and your sympathy is mutual, unrest and embarrassment during communication will disappear. Take advantage of this!

Video: How to overcome fears in communication?

How to stop being shy

Shyness in one way or another is characteristic of every person. However, if your shyness is a stable character trait, and, moreover, interferes with you, then you need to immediately start fighting it. Otherwise, such increased shyness can lead to the fact that your life plans may be violated.

First of all, you need to deal with the reasons for your shyness. Think about what you don’t like about yourself, and what caused you to be embarrassed? No matter how difficult the problem is, it is solvable. If it's about your appearance, it's as easy as shelling pears. Change your wardrobe and hairstyle.

If it is a matter of mild speech defects, then only a specialist will help you cope with this. If you consider yourself a boring interlocutor (or, worse, they tell you about it in plain text), then reading can help you - stay up to date with the news, and it will be much easier for you.

If you don’t see any direct reason for shyness, then most likely you are just used to considering yourself shy. Here a kind of psychological “fitting” on yourself the image of a self-confident person can help you. Start to lead confidently and openly at home. Practice walking. Give a speech (you can do it yourself, there are a lot of tutorials on the net). Over time, you will feel that you are able to behave just as confidently around others.

You can take for yourself as an example one of your acquaintances, if you consider his behavior to be rather relaxed. Carefully study how this person behaves in various situations, and try to copy his behavior - you certainly don’t need to be ashamed of this. This is the case when imitation will only benefit you.

Video: How to stop being nervous? 10 proven ways

There is another psychological technique. Find an even more closed person than you, and try to lead over him. That is, to become his leader, who will help him become more confident. This practice will help you to become more confident in yourself and to pull up your friend.

Another method is to imagine the most negative consequences of your own actions (or inaction). What is so terrible that will happen if you are refused or rude? Get ready for things to go wrong and relax about it. In the end, acceptance will help you deal with resentment more easily, and you will become more confident in yourself.