How to deal with negative people. Difficult people can be divided into three groups

How to deal with negative people

What is the main determinant of happiness?

The answer to this question, as you probably already know, is not wealth, fame, beauty, or power. Our feeling of happiness is determined by how other people, especially our loved ones - friends, family members, colleagues - treat us. When your loved ones treat you well, you simply cannot help but feel happy, but if they treat you badly or avoid communication with you, you are doomed to misfortune.

The reason why our happiness depends so much on the quality of our relationships with others is that people are primarily social creatures. And if you look around, you can find a lot of evidence. It is very important for us to know what others think of us, and, as my own observations show, we are much more likely to agree to experience something unpleasant (for example, watching a bad movie) in the company of those who share our negative attitude towards it than to experience something pleasant. (for example, watching a good movie) in the company of people who disagree with us. Our social nature also explains why being in love with another person is the most precious experience of our lives and why isolation, whose extreme form is solitary confinement, is considered by those who have experienced it to be the most severe test.

All this explains why it is so excruciatingly difficult for us to communicate and interact with negative people - people who constantly spoil our mood with their pessimism, anxiety and distrust. Imagine that you are constantly being prevented from following your dreams because "few are successful at it." Or imagine being constantly discouraged from trying new things—like scuba diving or horseback riding—because it’s “too dangerous.” Imagine that you constantly hear negative comments about other people (for example, “I can’t believe you told your neighbors that you failed your driving test - now they will never respect you!”) If you are regularly exposed to such negative influences, this can significantly affect your stock of positivity, and this in turn will lead to you either joining the ranks of negative people, or starting to show indifference or even rudeness towards negative people in your environment.

How should you deal with negative people?

One obvious solution is to simply not communicate with them. But this is easier said than done. We can always easily cut ourselves off from a grumpy bartender or an airline manager who finds it difficult to deal with his anger, but we can't just turn away and stop talking to our parents, siblings, spouses, co-workers, or friends.

A more practical approach to dealing with such people is to first try to understand the reasons for their negative attitude. In short, negative attitudes are almost always rooted in one of three deep-seated fears: fear of being disrespected by others, fear of being unloved, and fear that something bad might happen. These fears constantly feed each other, and as a result, a person seized by them comes to the conclusion that "the world around us is very dangerous, and most people are bad."

It is difficult for a person seized with such fears to believe in the need to follow his dream (because on this path he is guaranteed to fail) and take risks, even if this is necessary for personal growth and development. It is also easy to understand why it is very difficult for people who are in captivity of these fears to trust others.

The fears that underlie the negative worldview manifest themselves in a wide variety of forms:

Vulnerability or a tendency to be offended by other people's comments: for example, the phrase "you look great today" causes an extremely negative reaction: "So I looked bad yesterday?"

Categoricalness or a tendency to put negative motivation into completely innocent actions of other people: for example, guests who do not praise the hostess's treat are regarded as "uncouth rude people who do not deserve invitations in the future."

Lack of self-esteem. We are talking about a feeling of helplessness, an inability to cope with the trials that we meet on the path of life, which leads to the emergence of severe anxiety in the event of a confrontation with such trials and to a feeling of shame and guilt if a person avoids these trials.

Demanding: Although negatively inclined people experience acute insecurity in their own abilities, they often persistently demand some special achievements from their loved ones so that “I can be proud of you.”

Pessimism or the tendency to believe that the future is bleak and hopeless. For example, negative people are much more likely to imagine how and why an important business visit can go wrong than vice versa.

Avoidance of risks, especially in matters of a social nature. This leads to a reluctance to disclose information that "could be used against me" and, as a result, boring conversations and superficial relationships.
. The desire to control the behavior of other people, especially loved ones. For example, negative people make strict demands on how their children should eat, what kind of car they should buy, and so on.

It is worth noting that all of the above manifestations of negativity have one thing in common, namely the tendency to blame external factors - other people, the environment, or "luck" - and not oneself and one's negative attitude towards the world. Negative people often think: “If only people knew what I am capable of, if people would be kinder to me, if the world was not full of dangers, and if my friends, colleagues and relatives treated me the way I I would like that, I would be happy!”

At first glance, it may seem rather paradoxical that negatively inclined people experience self-doubt and at the same time consider themselves entitled to demand respect and love from others. It may also seem rather paradoxical that negative people look pessimistically into their own future and at the same time demand success from others. However, in reality there is no paradox here. This happens because negative people do not feel respected and loved, do not feel that they themselves are able to control their lives, and therefore demand love and respect from others and strive to control everything around.

If you look at negative people from this point of view, it becomes clear that their negativity is almost an undisguised cry for help. Of course, these people do not help themselves in any way, demonstrating their plight and the desire to control everyone - they would have been much more successful in trying to win love, respect and the right to control if they realized that demonstrating distress and showing a desire to control everyone is doomed to failure. - but the fact remains: negatively minded people need help.

An obvious but ultimately counterproductive way to help these people is to give them the love, respect, and control they want. However, this can turn out to be a very slippery slope, because over time people adapt to new conditions, and soon those around them will be forced to show even more ardent love, respect and give these people even more control in order to make them happy. In other words, by fulfilling their wishes, you may be creating a Frankenstein who will return to haunt you with renewed vigor.

An alternative solution is to force negative people to find the sources of their negativity and understand that their negativity is more a reflection of their attitude to the world than the objective state of things. Meanwhile, as I wrote in my other article, people are rarely able to adequately respond to critical statements, and those who are negatively inclined are most likely not to listen to them at all, let alone take them into account.

Thus, you are left with only three options. First, you can bite the bullet, face that negativity and hope that the person in front of you will someday change. The second option is to try to find a professional consultant or intermediary (for example, a mutual friend) and hope that the opinion of a "third party" will help the person understand that his negativity does not benefit anyone.

However, these two options will most likely not be able to solve the main problem. In the first case, when you grit your teeth and hope that a negative person will eventually begin to perceive the world around him in a positive way, your passivity can serve as proof that his negativity is justified. Over time, this will lead to more and more demands on you and, if you are unable to meet these requirements, more complaints against you.

One of the arguments against the second course of action is that negative people often tend to evade the problem under the guise of resentment and the alleged unfairness of claims - "everyone around, even my best friends, are against me!" Even if a third party manages to show a negative person that his worldview is unproductive, this is unlikely to change the situation. This is because simply recognizing the problem is not enough to solve it: for this, it is necessary to change the subconscious thought patterns that underlie the negative worldview.

This brings us to the third and, from my point of view, the most reasonable option for behavior in a society of negatively minded people. In short, this option involves three elements: empathy for the negative person, taking responsibility for your own happiness regardless of the negative attitude of the loved one, and the maturity of your relationship with the negative person.

Empathy rarely, if ever, involves advising a negative person to change their behavior. It also completely excludes reading lectures about the sources of their negativity. As I wrote above, most of us are not ready to listen to negative and critical statements - especially negative people. It can be quite difficult for you not to react to such a person, especially if their negativity hurts you to the core. However, remember that if you tell him everything to his face, this will not help solve the problem, but only aggravate it. It is also worth remembering that while you have to deal with a negative person only occasionally, he has to deal with himself all the time! This thought can help you feel compassion for such a person.

The second element - taking responsibility for your own positive attitude - suggests that you must do everything possible to protect your own happiness. If you are unable to maintain a positive attitude and calmness, then all is lost. In one of my articles, I gave some advice on how you can take responsibility for your happiness. In short, you need to start thinking more positively about the world around you, but this may not be enough if you have to constantly deal with negative flows: you may need regular rest from and communication with a negative person in order to remain calm. Of course, if you want to regularly take a break from him, you will have to come up with a plausible explanation - you do not want the person close to you to think that you are avoiding him.

The third element, maturity, involves understanding that the most effective way to turn such a person into a positive mood is to become the embodiment of a positive attitude. For example, if you accuse a negative person of making you see the world around you in gloomy colors, this will not help. Imagine the irony of advising a person to "stop blaming others for your negative outlook" while blaming them for ruining your mood.

How can you show your positive attitude towards the world in such a way as to force a negatively inclined person to adopt it, without sinking to lectures and moralizing?

To do this, you need to learn - as much as possible - to behave like a person who is in absolute safety. That is, to behave like a person whom other people love and respect and who controls all important aspects of the life of others. This means: do not let the negativity of others interfere with your natural desire to make your dreams come true, do not be afraid to take justified risks, trust other people. However, you should not do all this just to annoy a negatively inclined person or prove to him that you are right. It is best to behave naturally, so that spontaneity, a positive attitude and trust in relation to other people become your integral features. Then, if a negative person allows himself to make a skeptical or cynical remark - and he certainly will - take the opportunity and explain to him why you are doing this and not otherwise.

For example, if such a person warns you about the futility of your pursuit of a dream, let him know that you perceive your chances of success differently, or tell him that you would rather try and fail than give up on your dream altogether. If a negative person warns you about the catastrophic consequences of what you consider a worthwhile risk, answer him calmly: "Well, we'll see what happens." Let's hope that as a result of this risky venture you will not incur any losses and gain new valuable experience. Over time, the negative person will have to admit that although you are much more risk-averse, you are still not reckless. Finally, if a negative person is chastising you for trusting people too much, ask them to remind you of times when others took advantage of your gullibility to your detriment. (Hopefully, there were very few or none of these cases, because otherwise the negative person might be right in saying that you are overly trusting.) You can also safely point to the research results: to form strong and deep relationships , it is necessary to trust close people. (Hopefully, you can boast of a closer friendship than your interlocutor who perceives the world around him in a negative way.)

While it may take you a long time to see any results, sooner or later they will appear. Changes will come at an extremely slow pace, but if they happen, they will be fixed for a long time. The truth is that people like the company of positive people, so even a negative person will sooner or later appreciate your positive attitude towards the world. People also really like to experience positive emotions. Therefore, if a negative person absorbs your positivity in your presence, at some point he will begin to appreciate himself more, and this in turn will lead to the fact that he will begin to trust others more and look to the future with greater optimism.

As you have probably figured out by now, dealing with negative people requires humility. The fact that you find it difficult to overcome someone else's negativity proves that there are seeds of negativity in you yourself. If you didn't feel empty when faced with the negativity of others - if you were absolutely confident in yourself - you would not find the company of negative people so repulsive. Understanding that you need to work on yourself to deal with your own negativity while helping other people in their struggle with a negative worldview will help you gain the ability to empathize, think positively, and also the maturity that is necessary to carry out this difficult, but very necessary task.

How unpleasant it is to communicate with a person who constantly complains about life and "loads" with his problems. Pessimists are ruthless people and can infect anyone with their negative mood. It seems that just now everything was fine with you, and after a few minutes of communicating with a negatively inclined person, you begin to think about how scary and hard it is to live in the world.

What to do in this case? The first thing that comes to mind is to refuse to communicate with such people. However, if a person is close, then this is impossible. Today we will discuss how to deal with a negative person.

What to do when dealing with a negative person?

* Most mistakenly believe that a negative outlook on life can be imposed on a negative person. Alas, such a method will not lead to anything good. Rather, you will change one negative emotion for another: the person will stop whining and start getting angry. Therefore, sometimes it makes sense to let a person talk to the end. Perhaps, having thrown off the burden of negativity, he will stop pestering you with his complaints.

* Try to arm yourself with a fair amount of optimism and overcome a fit of whining. Cover Negativity with at least One Positive Thought Almost every negative thought can be covered with a positive one. As a rule, this cools the ardor of pessimists: they see that such conversations with you are meaningless, and find themselves another “victim” for complaints.

* Don't let the whiner involve yourself in a negative conversation. Listen to him with half an ear, assent, agree on everything, but in no case express your opinion. In this case, a person will complain, complain, and even calm down, because most pessimists like to unbalance people, provoke them to gossip and whine. Those. negative emotions are expected from you, and if expectations are not met, they will leave you behind.

* In the event that negative people communicate with you suspiciously often, it's time to ... pay attention to yourself. No matter how unpleasant it is to hear it, like attracts like. Think about it, maybe you also often allow yourself pessimistic statements? In this case, you need to learn to keep your own thoughts under control and not allow negativity to take place in your life.

* If none of the methods helped you, then you need to reduce the possibility of unpleasant communication with him to a minimum. Moreover, it is not necessary to refuse friendship, just make sure that the person does not have the opportunity to “load” you with his complaints. For example, go to the gym with him, to self-development courses or any training sessions, communicate only in the company of a few friends - the whiner will not complain in front of other people.

What is the main determinant of happiness? The answer to this question, as you probably already know, is not wealth, fame, beauty, or power. Our feeling of happiness is determined by how other people, especially our close ones - friends, family members, colleagues - treat us. When your loved ones treat you well, you simply cannot help but feel happy, but if they treat you badly or avoid communication with you, you are doomed to misfortune.

The reason why our happiness depends so much on the quality of our relationships with others is that humans are primarily social beings. And if you look around, you can find a lot of evidence. It is very important for us to know what others think of us, and, as my own observations show, we are much more likely to agree to experience something unpleasant (for example, watching a bad movie) in the company of those who share our negative attitude towards it than to experience something pleasant. (for example, watching a good movie) in the company of people who disagree with us. Our social nature also explains why falling in love with another person is the most precious experience of our lives and why isolation, whose extreme form is solitary confinement, is considered by those who have experienced it to be the most severe test.

How should you deal with negative people?

The fears that underlie the negative worldview manifest themselves in a wide variety of forms:

Vulnerability or a tendency to be offended by other people's comments: for example, the phrase "you look great today" causes an extremely negative reaction: "So I looked bad yesterday?"

Avoidance of risks, especially in matters of a social nature. This leads to a reluctance to disclose information that "could be used against me" and, as a result, boring conversations and superficial relationships.
The desire to control the behavior of other people, especially loved ones. For example, negative people make strict demands on how their children should eat, what kind of car they should buy, and so on.

It is worth noting that in all the manifestations of negativity listed above, there is one common feature, namely the tendency to blame external factors - other people, the environment, or "luck" - and not oneself and one's negative attitude towards the world. Negative people often think: “If only people knew what I am capable of, if people would be kinder to me, if the world was not full of dangers, and if my friends, colleagues and relatives treated me the way I I would like that, I would be happy!”

If you look at negative people from this point of view, it becomes clear that their negativity is an almost undisguised cry for help. Of course, these people do not help themselves in any way, demonstrating their plight and the desire to control everyone - they would have been much more successful in trying to win love, respect and the right to control if they realized that demonstrating distress and showing a desire to control everyone is doomed to failure. - but the fact remains: negatively minded people need help.

An obvious but ultimately completely counterproductive way to help these people is to give them the love, respect, and control they want. However, this can turn out to be a very slippery slope, because over time people adapt to new conditions, and soon those around them will be forced to show even more ardent love, respect and give these people even more control in order to make them happy. In other words, by fulfilling their wishes, you may be creating a Frankenstein who will return to haunt you with renewed vigor.

Thus, you are left with only three options. First, you can bite the bullet, face that negativity and hope that the person in front of you will someday change. The second option is to try to find a professional consultant or intermediary (for example, a mutual friend) and hope that the opinion of a “third party” will help the person understand that his negativity does not benefit anyone.

Empathy rarely, if ever, involves giving a negative person advice to change their behavior. It also completely excludes reading lectures about the sources of their negativity. As I wrote above, most of us are not ready to listen to negative and critical statements - especially negative people. It can be quite difficult for you not to react to such a person, especially if their negativity hurts you to the core. However, remember that if you tell him everything to his face, this will not help solve the problem, but only aggravate it. It is also worth remembering that while you have to deal with a negative person only occasionally, he has to deal with himself all the time! This thought can help you feel compassion for such a person.

The third element - maturity - implies the understanding that the most effective way to set such a person in a positive way is to become the embodiment of a positive attitude. For example, if you accuse a negative person of making you see the world around you in gloomy colors, this will not help. Imagine the irony of advising a person to "stop blaming others for your negative outlook" while blaming them for ruining your mood.

How can you show your positive attitude towards the world in such a way as to force a negatively inclined person to adopt it, without sinking to lectures and moralizing?

To do this, you need to learn - as far as possible - to behave like a person who is in absolute safety. That is, to behave like a person whom other people love and respect and who controls all important aspects of the life of others. This means: do not let the negativity of others interfere with your natural desire to make your dreams come true, do not be afraid to take justified risks, trust other people. However, you should not do all this just to annoy a negatively inclined person or prove to him that you are right. It is best to behave naturally, so that spontaneity, a positive attitude and trust in relation to other people become your integral features. Then, if a negative person allows himself to make a skeptical or cynical remark - and he certainly will - take the opportunity and explain to him why you are doing this and not otherwise.

As you have probably figured out by now, dealing with negative people requires humility. The fact that you find it difficult to overcome someone else's negativity proves that there are seeds of negativity in you yourself. If you didn't feel empty when faced with the negativity of others - if you were absolutely confident in yourself - you wouldn't find the company of negative people so repulsive. Understanding that you need to work on yourself to deal with your own negativity while helping other people in their struggle with a negative worldview will help you gain the ability to empathize, think positively, and also the maturity that is necessary to carry out this difficult, but very necessary task.

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". Very important topic, VERY! Because it's really difficult to communicate with some people - you'll talk for half an hour, and then you have to recover for half a day. They suck energy - and do it very effectively. Those 7 tricks that are described below really work. The main thing is to remember them, to observe them. And don't be offended ;)

The people who are the hardest to love need love the most. ~ Peaceful warrior (This is such a book. And a movie based on the book. Interesting)

Have you ever dealt with negative people? If yes, then you know that it can be terribly difficult.

I remember my former colleague, who was just like that. During our conversations, she endlessly complained about colleagues, work and life. At the same time, she was very cynical about people in general, constantly doubting their intentions. It was not a pleasure to talk to her. At all.

After our first conversation, I felt completely exhausted. Although we only talked for 20-30 minutes, I didn't have the mood or energy to do anything else. There was a feeling that someone had sucked the life out of me, and it took about three hours for this effect to wear off.

When we talked later, the same thing happened. She was so pessimistic that her negative energy seemed to transfer to me after the conversation, and even left an unpleasant aftertaste in my mouth. And you know, it bothered me a lot. I would gladly refuse to communicate with her, if I could.

Then one day I decided that I needed to develop a plan of action - how to deal with negative people. After all, she is not the only such person I will meet in my life. I thought, “For every negative person I meet now, there are thousands of people I might meet one day. If I can handle it, I can handle all the others."

With that in mind, I brainstormed the best way to deal with negative people.

In the end, I came up with a few key tricks to do it effectively. They can be very helpful in building good relationships with such people. And although I now deal with positive people more often, these steps come to the rescue when I sometimes meet negative people.

If there is such a negative person in your life right now, you do not have to suffer from him. You are not alone in your problem - I have encountered negative people quite often and have learned to deal with them. Let them try to put you down - you can choose how to react and what to do.

So, 7 tricks to help you deal with negative people.

Technique 1. Don't let yourself be drawn into negativity.

One thing I've noticed is that negative people tend to focus on the bad things and ignore the good ones. They exaggerate the problems they face, and therefore their situation seems much worse than it really is.

The first time you interact with a negative person, listen carefully and offer help if needed. Give support - let him (she) know that he is not alone. However, make a note somewhere. If a person continues to complain about the same problem even after several discussions, this is a sign that you need to let go.

First, try changing the subject. If he/she gets into a negative tailspin, let him/her continue, but don't get caught up in the negative. Give simple answers like "Yes, I see" or "Yeah". When he/she reacts positively, respond in the affirmative and with enthusiasm. If you do this often enough, he/she will soon realize what is going on and become more positive in communication.

Trick #2: Use Groups

Dealing with a negative person can be very tiring. When I talked with my negative colleague, I was completely exhausted for several hours, although the conversation itself lasted only 20-30 minutes. This happened because I took on all her negativity.

To solve this problem, have someone else beside you when you are talking to a negative person. In fact, the more people, the better. Then the negative energy will be shared between you and other people, and you will not have to bear its weight alone.

The added bonus of having someone else around is that other people help bring out different sides of your personality. When others are around, they can help bring out the other, positive side of a negative person. I have experienced this before and it has helped me to see a "negative" person in a more positive light.

Tactic #3: Objectify Comments

Negative people can be quite critical at times. They periodically make comments that can hurt a lot, especially when directed at you.

For example, I had a friend who was very tactless. She liked to make various disparaging and critical comments. At first, I was worried about her words, wondering why she was so critical every time she spoke. I also thought maybe something was wrong with me - maybe I'm not good enough. However, when I watched how she communicates with our mutual friends, I realized that she behaves the same way with them. Her comments weren't personal attacks - they were her usual behavior.

Realize that a negative person usually does not want to hurt you - he or she is simply trapped in their own negativity. Learn to deal with negative comments. Object them. Instead of taking his/her words personally, take them as another point of view. Weed out the husks and see if you can benefit or learn from what is being said.

Trick #4: Switch to more enjoyable topics

Some negative people get turned on by certain topics. For example, one friend turns into a "victim of circumstances" whenever it comes to work. No matter what I say, he'll keep complaining about a job that's just awful and he won't be able to stop.

If a person is deeply rooted in his negativity, in his problems, the solution may be to change the subject. Start a new topic to cheer up. Simple things—movies, daytime events, mutual friends, hobbies, happy news—can make a conversation much easier. Support it in areas in relation to which the person feels positive emotions.

Tactic #5: Choose Who You Spend Your Time With Carefully

As Jim Rohn put it, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” This quote means that who you spend time with has a huge impact on the kind of person you become.

I think this is very true. Think about the time you spend with negative people - do you feel good or bad after that? The same goes for positive people. How do you feel after spending time with them?

Whenever I spend time with negative people, I feel heaviness afterwards, a bad aftertaste. When I meet positive people, I feel a surge of optimism and energy. This effect remains even after communication. As you spend more time with negative people, you gradually become negative too. It may be temporary at first, but over time the effect will start to take root in you.

If you feel that certain people in your life are negative, be aware of how much time you spend with them. I advise limiting the duration - it can help. For example, if they want to hang out with you but you don't like their company, learn to say no. If it's a meeting or a phone call, set a limit on how long it will last. Stick to the topic of discussion, and don't let it go beyond a certain amount of time.

Tactic #6: Identify Areas Where You Can Make Positive Changes

Negative people are negative because they lack love, positivity, and warmth. Often they act in such a way as to create a barrier that will protect them from the world.

One of the best ways to help them is to bring positivity into their lives. Think about what is bothering the person right now and think about how you can help him (her). It shouldn't be too hard, and you definitely shouldn't do it if you don't want to. The key is to be sincere in wanting to help, and show him/her a different perspective on life.

Some time ago, I had a friend who didn't like her job. She did not like the environment and corporate culture. There was a vacancy at my (already former) workplace, so I offered her this opportunity. She eventually got the job, has been doing it for 3 years now, and doing it perfectly.

Today she leads a much happier, more active and optimistic life. She is definitely more positive than a few years ago. While I won't bet that she'll be completely satisfied with her career just yet, I feel gratified that I helped out a little at the right time. Also, there is always something you can do to help another – look around and help in any way you can. A small action on your part can lead to big changes in your relationship.

Technique #7: Stop talking to them.

If all else fails, limit contact with these people or even completely remove them from your life.

Instead of spending your time with negative people, focus on positive people instead. In the past, I spent a lot of time with negative people trying to help them. It took a lot of energy from me and was often completely useless. I have revised my methods. Now I prefer to work with positive friends and business partners. It turned out to be both more pleasant and more useful.

Remember that you are building your life and it is up to you to decide how you want it to be. If negative people make you feel bad, work on it using the 7 steps outlined. By doing the right thing, you can noticeably change your relationship.

Trampling in the dirt

Since the Trampers are smaller than the rest, it is best to communicate with them calmly and good-naturedly. When using calm questions, refrain from raising your voice and arrogant remarks: this makes people defensive and act even more defiant.

This method is similar to a small exam, the purpose of which is to find out what exactly annoys a person. Keeping a thorough, non-aggressive tone, you will notice how surprisingly the venomous behavior of the Trampler changes, how he becomes calmer, softer, how he smiles when he manages to get to the bottom of the truth.

Most often, people put you down when you have something they don't have, or when your behavior offends them in some way. In most cases, they feel out of place around you. Therefore, a compassionate method that will make it easier for you to communicate with them is equally successful.

Chatterbox

When communicating with a Chatterbox, a way to relieve tension is indispensable. It will help you keep your cool. Try the replacement fantasy method. Talkers should know that their endless chatter is usually inappropriate, so the way of open protest will also be effective. It is best to resort to it without extraneous witnesses, for the Chatterbox will have to save the day in order to maintain his dignity.

You can start by gently and affectionately reassuring Chatterbox how much you love him (if so), but that sometimes he talks too much about things that are not of interest to everyone. Teach Chatterbox to look at the facial expressions and postures of others in order to understand the degree of their interest. At first, Chatterbox may be shocked, and this will cause him to react defensively. If so, you will have to be more frank and give examples of his tiresome chatter. But do not forget to assure that you still understand and love him.

Invite him to remember that a certain gesture - raising his eyebrows, touching - can serve as a signal for him to turn the conversation. Often, defensive reactions and fear are caused by the inability to master basic communication skills and understand the facial and body language of others.

If the Chatterbox is impenetrable or continues to use your time and energy, you should be firm, using the method of open protest, and not let him overstep the bounds of what is permitted.

self-destructor

People filled with contempt and self-hatred need most of all to apply the method of love and kindness. They need to be spoken to as softly as possible, otherwise they will never stop behaving in the way they are used to. Self-destructive does not require food, alcohol, cigarettes or sex. They are hungry for love and attention.

There are times when you can't sit back and watch people torment themselves. In this case, only the retreat method can help. After you have tried everything and honestly admitted to your loved one that you know about his problem and are ready to help him - and all in vain! - there is nothing left but to retreat and let him get out of trouble on his own. You will never be able to help the Self-Destroyer until he is willing to help himself.

Trouble avoider

If you want to communicate with the Avoider - first try to catch him, preferably before he gets away. The first thing to apply with it is a way of open protest. Don't think it will hurt him, it's none of your concern. On the contrary, tell him what you think about his habit of running away from difficulties, that you are tired of it and that he should solve this problem.

Usually the Trouble Avoider is not inclined to argue, so when you express dissatisfaction, he most often listens and acts. Of course, he can escape, as usual, by fleeing if he cannot digest what he heard from you.

If you find out with the Trouble Avoider, and he still runs away, do not regret starting a quarrel, because now at least you know who is wrong. Just remember that if a person runs away, he does not care about you.

Dormant but deadly volcano

Gossip

Gossips are extremely dangerous, because they can turn your life into a nightmare. The only thing that can stop a gossip is that you know very well who he is and what he is trying to do. Use the method of open protest and explain that such behavior is inappropriate - especially if they gossip about you. If a gossip talks about one of your acquaintances or friends, pacify him with the words: "I'm not going to listen to this," or "I don't believe a single word you say," or "I'm not interested."

Try not to have a place for Gossips in your professional life, because they are able to destroy your career.

Doom wrestler

All that the Fatal Fighter needs is tenderness, love, care. It is simply amazing how quickly the method of love and kindness can cool his ardor and even transform him. This will not necessarily happen instantly, but in the end you will see a kinder and more accommodating person in front of you.

If the Doom Fighter becomes aggressive, unleashing his fury on you, the only way out is to use the retreat method, say "goodbye", "chao", "bye" - and never come back. The retreat method is also indispensable when it becomes simply impossible to continue a relationship with such a person.

If no means help in communicating with the "Fatal Fighter", you have no choice but to bow out.

A sad and doomed victim

When around a Depressed and Doomed Victim, it is best to rely on a way to relieve tension. It is necessary to periodically "drain" the accumulated bad energy, otherwise you will simply weaken, spending too much time with the Victim. These people are just a walking bad mood that can be very contagious - you can easily pick it up like a disease.

Smiling two-faced Janus

First of all, use the method of open protest, showing Janus that you know his machinations. You should never let such people down. Encountered with resistance, Janus, even if you caught him red-handed, can deny everything. In this case, grab onto the scandal mode and unleash your anger. But remember: never resort to physical violence, no matter how much you want it. Your sincere, confident reaction will long remain in the memory of Two-faced Janus, will torment him all his life.

Indecisive weakling

An indecisive weakling is so insecure and vulnerable that he must be handled with extreme care. Therefore, the way of love and kindness is most preferable in that you let the Weakling feel your readiness to be there at a difficult moment.

You may also want to use the calm question method to help him make a decision. Ask questions that will help clarify the situation and give the Weakling the opportunity to come to some logical conclusion. If the Indecisive Weakling drives you to white heat, and the ways of love, kindness and calm questions do not work, all that remains is to lay down your arms and leave the poor man in the proud.

Consumer

When communicating with the Consumer, the method of open protest is one of the ways out. This method allows you to make it clear that you feel used and offended. In some cases, resistance on your part makes the Consumer feel remorse for his nasty things. If the Consumer cares about your friendship and respect, he may look at himself and your reactions in a different way. If you can manage to remain calm, the way of open protest will allow you to start a dialogue that will help restore a damaged relationship. If you feel that they are trying to manipulate you, to use you in this situation, say directly and harshly: "No, it won't work. I won't let anyone treat me like that, I don't like it."

Another option is to leave and no longer give the consumer the opportunity to use you.

Evil Upstart Tyrant

Very often these dictators, when fought with the same weapons, are both astonished and disgusted at their conduct. In fact, by fighting back their anger, you can once and for all protect yourself from such attacks. By shouting louder than they do, you will regain your courage.

In addition, the way of scandal is suitable in dealing with the Upstart-tyrant. Don't let him torture you with his "quirks" and enjoy your humiliation. On the contrary, act boldly and coolly. If you put him in his place, Upstart may even start to respect you. Do not give him the pleasure of seeing your fear.

Your tyrant boss will also feel respect for you, although he may explode even more. You will win either way: even if he unleashes his fury on you, you will at least retain your dignity. Another possibility is to move away from the Upstart Tyrant and stay as far away from him as possible. A humorous way will help too. There are many cases when good-natured humor saved the situation and the ardor of the tyrant died down.

Joker

The method of open protest immediately lets the Joker know that you do not consider him witty and do not intend to be the object of vile jokes and stories.

It is necessary to maintain a firm tone in order to silence him. Do not be afraid to talk to the Joker in this way, because in a good way he does not understand. When the Joker releases a venomous joke at you and justifies himself by saying that he was "just fooling around", or trying to provoke you with the remark: "Don't you understand jokes?" - put it in its place immediately. Tell him that you understand the jokes, but do not find anything funny in what he spun. Don't worry about hurting him or hurting his feelings. After all, this person doesn't really care about your feelings.

Since the Joker builds a wall of jokes in front of him to protect his frail self-esteem, you may not be able to break his offensive demeanor. The joker can just give up on you and continue in the same spirit. In such a case, refer to the method of scandal. Also remind the Prankster, using the method of open protest, that today's plight in the world will quickly put an end to his jokes, especially if they are dangerous from the point of view of the norms of interracial or sexual behavior.

Ignorant

In dealing with the Ignorant, all the variety of methods is at your disposal. Which one you choose depends on how ignorant or stupid you are. Start with a way to relieve tension if the opponent seems so unbearable to you that you can only hold your breath to contain your anger.

It's usually not enough to take your anger out on the Ignorant. Therefore, you can influence him using the method of open protest, explaining, like a small child, that his actions are completely inappropriate.

Madman

Lunatics work best with stress relief and quiet questions. The more calm you are, the less you provoke the Madman and the easier it will be for you to communicate.

Ultimately, you can always get away from the Lunatics and do more enjoyable things, because without professional help, they will never be able to change their difficult behavior. Do what you can to send such a person to a doctor, and if you fail, save yourself. Even if you are beside yourself and ready to strangle someone who is doing you nasty things, always suppress your aggressive impulses and do not do anything that can ruin your future and put your life in danger.

When faced with the Madmen, never try to take matters into your own hands, but try to find legal ways. Then, no matter how painful it is, tell yourself, "I won't think about it," to deal with the bitterness in your heart sown by the Madman.

shameless liar

The best way to deal with the Shameless Liar is to ask calm questions. If, suspecting him of a lie, you begin to pour questions, the Liar will eventually be cornered and appear in the open.

Then comes the turn of the method of open protest, which lets the Liar know that you have seen through him, as some Liars withhold the truth just to impress you. You may want to help them save their reputation, even though you know they are lying. Adopt a way to relieve tension, and let the Liar weave anything. And if he wants to impress you with harmless fiction, use a humorous way. A slight grin on your face often shows the Liar that you are aware of the true state of affairs, but are not inclined to humiliate him.

Dirty dog

The dirty trickster should unambiguously make it clear that his nasty things are by no means welcome and look disgusting. The method of scandal, and then the method of retreat, will best explain the mischief of this type of your attitude towards him.

You should not be polite and friendly with the Dirty, as this, as a rule, does not impress them. These manipulators are too dangerous, so after you give them a pepper, leave immediately! Don't let bad guys into your life.

Miser

Miser are a classic type of mischievous creatures, because they have an unusually low self-esteem. In communicating with the Miser, the method of calm questions can help you. By asking certain questions, you will let him know how unpleasant stinginess is. Most likely, the Curmudgeon will be embarrassed to learn of your point of view. And the answers will shed light on his hidden fears, which will make you more understanding and patient with your opponent, even if he behaves unworthily.

Another way is the method of open protest. The necessary conditions are compassion and understanding, therefore, when communicating with the Miser, keep a friendly tone. The way of love and kindness will best demonstrate your empathy.

Narcissus

The narcissist is not in a position to talk about anything unless it is related to himself. The way of love and kindness works best in communicating with him, since Narcissus is selfish and absorbed in his own person solely because of deep fears, insecurity and complexes. Understanding this will help you feel better about the Narcissist's problems and interact with him more successfully. The narcissist does not strive at all costs to be selfish, he is so because of low self-esteem. The narcissist does not know how to give something to others, because he is too exhausted, worthless and preoccupied with his own problems.

If his self-absorption drains your patience, a way to relieve tension will calm you and help you continue communication. If the selfishness and insecurity of the Narcissist offends you, you must speak up about it using the method of open protest. However, keep a calm, reserved tone, otherwise you will not be listened to. If you start blaming and snarling, Narcissus will become defensive, scolding you and denying his self-centeredness. His "I" is usually fragile, like an eggshell.

If you notice that the Narcissist only communicates with you when it is convenient for him, does not pay attention to your words, transfers all conversations to himself, you may ask why he chose you. You can bow out and leave Narcissus. Most people who encounter Narcissus end up opting for the retreat method, as there comes a point where their patience runs out. After you stop communicating with the Narcissist, you will be helped by thinking: "I will not think about it" when you suddenly think of him, and a humorous way that will show the absurdity of his behavior.

Podliza

Despite the fact that Slickers are shameless manipulators, you do not have the courage to blame them for everything, because deep down you still believe that at least the smallest of what they say is true. When the sugar flattery just starts to pour over the edge, a way to relieve tension will help you cope with unpleasant emotions. If this is not enough to overcome the dislike, seize on a humorous way to put a stop to the Slicker's desire to please you.

You can smile and say good-naturedly: "Come on, go on, am I really like you say? You probably need something from me." This combination of humor and outright protest can lead to an outburst of denial, followed by other hilarious remarks like "if you don't stop talking in that honeyed voice I'm going to get diabetes" or "are you pouring that sweet syrup on me to watch?" , how will the ants stick around me?", or "Are you tired of it yet?" Show them that you can see through their sycophantic "things". If you can't stand the Podliz and their flattery anymore, try the mirror method. Talk to them just like them, imitating their sweet voice. They usually figure out what's going on.

Self-satisfied despot

When confronted by the Smug Despot, immediately show him, using calm questions, how unpleasant and boring he is to you.

If, on the other hand, the Smug Despot is in an unassailable position and you find it dangerous to use the mirror mode, settle for the substitutive fantasy mode so that you can spend time with the Despot without harming yourself.

haughty snob

When Haughty Snobs sing along to their favorite song, "I'm Better Than You," the quiet questioning method works best. Ask Snobs more questions so that they understand the absurdity of their claims to others. Questions like "who told you that you are better than the rest?" or "why don't you talk to that person?" usually knocked down their arrogance, because they do not know what to answer.

It is very pleasant to tell the Arrogant Snobs everything that you think, because they do not expect such a turn of events and are shocked by your attacks. If you find you've had enough meanness from the Arrogant Snob and his friends, drop them and leave, saving your nerves. People who think they're better than you don't deserve attention.

Competitor

Women these days are often more successful than their male friends, and some insecure men can't put up with it. Although many of these men consider themselves highly developed and progressive people, they, like fossils, are unable to get rid of the youthful belief that boys should be bigger, better, stronger and smarter than girls.

Mentor

The mentor - a little despot - simply cannot live without playing the role of the first violin. But if children can still be brought up, then adults with their established beliefs and values experience only irritation and humiliation when someone tries to control them.

Don't let the Master down. Explain that you are not concerned with his desire to lead everything, but trying to lead you is annoying. At the first suspicion of such behavior, you need to use the method of open protest. The method of the mirror also works wonders, making the Mentor alert, for he instantly boils at the slightest attempt to control himself. The mentor clearly cannot stand being treated the way he treats others. Remember that if you persistently mimic him, he may not be indebted and go berserk. However, having felt in his own skin what it is like to be taught what, how and when to do, he will stop his attempts to tell you.

Ruthless Monitors deserve a way of scandal. Turn on your heels, tuck in your stomach, and loudly declare that you will no longer tolerate being controlled and told what to do, since you are a reasonable adult who is quite capable of making decisions on his own. A little rudeness will show this person how much anger you are capable of. If nothing helps and the Mentor continues to control you, delivering anxiety and grief, you will have to retreat. Otherwise, be sure: you will cease to be yourself and forget how to think for yourself.

Suspicious skeptic

Show as much patience as possible. The way to relieve stress will help you get rid of negative emotions. If you decide to support the skeptics through the method of love and kindness, you may gain good friends and allies.

If these people get on your nerves too much, you will have to retreat in the same way as in the case of other Harmful Beings that take a lot of energy from you. Leave them in the care of psychologists!

Bad people at work

Like neighbors, employees are not chosen - unless you are the head of the firm. But today's situation in the financial world sometimes does not even allow bosses to choose their employees and clients at will.

In our turbulent times, an employee is required to master the skills of communicating with all types of harmful people in order not to lose his job. In the workplace, dealing with difficult people is truly a matter of survival. Stress relief "I won't think about it" and substituted fantasy can be your closest allies at work.

Bad bosses. Bosses are bosses, they are the first violins, so whether you respect them or not is a secondary issue if you want to keep your job and earn a living. The main thing for you is to learn how to adequately deal with them and deal with your own anger. Bad people in positions of power tend to be Vicious Upstart Tyrants, Blaming Critics, Mentors, Consumers, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Janus and Miser or variations thereof.

If you value your workplace, other methods may be risky. You can't force bosses to get defensive and make them look bad, because it's always up to them and there's nothing you can do about it - so express your anger in a more acceptable way.

If your work is not of great value to you, take a chance and use the methods of open protest, calm questions, a mirror, or a scandal. After all, is it worth holding on to work if anxiety and stress threaten your health? Leave if you can. We don't need to be victims anymore. Now there is an opportunity to raise your voice, leave or go to the appropriate authorities that will help us sort things out.

Bad employees. A harmful employee may appear in the guise of a Competitor, Trampling in the dirt, Smiling two-faced Janus, Gossip, Dirty or Instigator. Although the work environment is very different from the home environment, many people tend to look at the boss as a parent and see employees as brothers and sisters. As a result family relationships are often transferred to the working environment.

The most effective ways to relieve stress and calm questions are applicable to harmful employees. Never lose your temper and do not break into a scandal. Verbal abuse at work is unacceptable under any circumstances! Whatever the situation, you must behave like a professional and cultured person. If you are too provoked to a quarrel, use the method of open protest with both the harmful employee and the boss, bluntly telling the latter what happened. Let a difficult colleague know that you understand what's what, and are not going to follow his lead, but go to the higher authorities - to the boss - for justice and fairness.

Bad subordinates. Some subordinates are so envious of their superiors that they take on the role of the Gossip, the Dormant but Deadly Volcano, the Instigator, the Slicker, the Smug Despot, or the Suspicious Skeptic. Subordinates should behave correctly with the boss, at least by virtue of their position, while the boss should respect the subordinates, while taking a position of authority. A boss who is dissatisfied with a subordinate must always remain calm, never give in to anger and not use the method of scandal. In dealing with harmful subordinates, it is necessary to master the methods of open protest and calm questions.

Bad professionals. There are harmful representatives of authority and there are harmful professionals: doctors, lawyers, businessmen, politicians and even psychologists. No matter how educated these people are, no matter how successful they are in school, later in medical school, advocacy, and successfully passing all exams, this does not give them the right to consider themselves superior to others and insult them.

Too often professionals hide behind their titles and degrees, which make them feel more significant and powerful. Too often they display their venomous behavior as Vicious Upstart Tyrants, Doom Fighters, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses, Tramplers, Narcissists, Arrogant Snobs, Mentors, or Suspicious Skeptics.

Such harmful professionals must be put in their place. Their job is to help and support. And it doesn't matter how famous these doctors and lawyers are or how many articles have been written about them - first of all they are obliged to help you. You pay them money, you need their services, so don't be afraid of them. You have every right to ask them questions and expect to be treated with courtesy. It is best to use the method of calm questions when dealing with harmful professionals. The key word is calm. After all, they are also sensitive creatures and often take offense if your voice sounds like a complaint. They will start to defend themselves by talking down to you or being rude. Therefore, when communicating with them, it is extremely necessary to monitor your intonations.

Keep a calm and polite tone, loud enough, but not harsh or loud. If, despite your polite manner, their tone leaves much to be desired, use the method of open protest and say calmly but firmly that you prefer a more polite manner and will not tolerate humiliation.

Bad staff. Malicious service people can manifest themselves as Arrogant Snobs, Smug Despots, Consumers, Vicious Upstart Tyrants, Chatterboxes, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses or Slickies. Perhaps many salespeople today are rude and ungracious because they are jealous of your ability to buy what they cannot afford. They would gladly be in your place - the place of the buyer, not the seller.

Whatever makes such people poisonous, you should not suffer from it. Now you have the opportunity to adequately get out of unpleasant situations. An open protest must be applied to harmful members of the service personnel. If it does not help, try the mirror method, and if it does not work, do not accept their help at all. Better use the method of scandal and retreat - leave and do not pay for services not rendered.

Do you have a choice

Harmful people poison our lives from all sides. They seep into our daily affairs from everywhere. But stop running and hiding. If the image of a harmful person is applicable to someone you know and you understand what it is about him that repels you, perhaps this understanding alone will be enough. In fact, to understand everything means to forgive, and you no longer have to accumulate unpleasant feelings in yourself.

Gennady Ivanovich Prokopenko,
candidate of psychological sciences,
corresponding member of the International Academy
psychological sciences
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