Do you experience anxiety and fear before communicating with a stranger? The fear of such communication arises in most people. Basically, this occurs when you communicate with high-ranking people who are self-confident and relaxed in communication. Fear of communication is one of the most common phobias.
If you are a confident interlocutor, then this article is not for you. But if you know the fear of communication, when the right words just disappear from your head, then reading this article will do you good.

Let's look at how you can overcome the fear of communication and become a more confident and interesting conversationalist.

1. A big delusion when you disguise the fear of communication as modesty and shyness. These are slightly different things and should not be confused. To be successful in this business, you need to overcome the barriers of modesty and start the conversation first. It may be superficial conversations about nothing at first, but over time you will be able to have deeper conversations. Understand for yourself that only in this way, overcoming modesty and shyness, you can overcome fear and communicate freely without obstacles.

2. Get rid of the habit of thinking about what the other person thinks of you. Very often you can hear such words: “What can he think of me, that I am too intrusive or that the conversation may seem boring and boring to him.” But you cannot know exactly what your interlocutor thinks of you. To read each other's thoughts is not yet given to man. And what difference does it make what he thinks of you, if he doesn’t voice it anyway. Many people don't bother to think about you or others at all. People's heads are filled with many other thoughts and they don't care about you. So, stop thinking during a conversation what your interlocutor is thinking. In fact, you will never know what the other person might really think of you. Immerse yourself in thoughts better in conversation.

3. If, as a fight against the fear of communication, you have chosen a job where there is a lot of communication with different people, then it is better to immediately quit such a job. Trust me, it won't do you any good. Professional communication in a business environment is not a place where you can train your communication skills. To do this, you will need a different environment, more natural, conducive to free communication. And with such harsh methods, you will simply cause stress in yourself and create even more fear of communication. Therefore, do not go for such radical methods, communicate more live in ordinary everyday life.

4. Choose simple and natural conditions to overcome the fear of communication. Try to hone your communication skills every day. In your ordinary life, you can certainly find many cases when you can chat with strangers. There are situations, events that require you to communicate and find compromises that can only be achieved by communicating more and more often. Use any suitable moment to communicate, in the store and in the bank, at the bus stop and in transport, on a trip. But you should have a goal to talk and start a conversation, this will not happen on its own. You need to learn not only how to keep a conversation going when you are spoken to, but also how to be the first to carry on a conversation. It will not turn out right away, but you should not give up, you must continue on. The ability to conduct a conversation and communicate freely needs to be honed day by day. Over time, without effort and fear, you will be able to communicate with those with whom you want. Such training will teach you the art of real communication, and bring it to automatism.

5. You can easily carry on conversations if you are cheerful. Seriousness and efficiency only scare people away. Joke more, have fun, smile more. Very quickly, fear and tension are removed by laughter. You just have to laugh heartily together, as fear and embarrassment will no longer arise.

6. Don't take to heart all the conversations that didn't go the way you expected. Or you thought you had a terrible conversation. Even if that's the case, so what? You have not lost anything, your life goes on. Do not take this as a mistake and a reason to quit practicing communication. On the contrary, you should consider past failures in future conversations. That's how they learn. Don't dwell on bad experiences. Take it lightly, without being too serious.

7. And the last recommendation, do not look too closely at this complex. Don't think about it all the time, just live a full life and exercise in between. Communicate simply and naturally, without thinking that at this very moment you are overcoming your fear. Let go of such thoughts during the conversation. Take it easy on this issue. This is only at first, you will feel uncomfortable when communicating with strangers, but it will take some time and you will get used to the new skill.

It is important to understand that all people have certain complexes and weaknesses. Therefore, if your interlocutor is a self-confident person, just remember that he also has his weaknesses. And for sure, there is an area in which you are more competent. Don't get lost or feel weak in his presence. In fact, your interlocutor is also constrained by new communication and feels the same awkwardness and embarrassment. Therefore, consider this and start communicating freely and joyfully, enjoying it.

The first impression of a person is formed in seven seconds. Whether it's a party, a date, or a job interview, it's important to always be fully prepared, because you simply won't get another chance.

The first impression is always final. You can convince yourself as much as you like that it is deceptive, but the fact remains. It is difficult to defeat a person if the fear of being an outsider is raging inside you. That is why many people are afraid of new acquaintances, like fire. Those who suffer from this symptom (and most suffer from it) most often experience an attention deficit, in the worst case, complete loneliness. The fear of being the initiator in a relationship needs to be overcome. Now we will tell you about the methods that are most effective in this matter.

Work on yourself

Social phobia often affects insecure people. Low self-esteem makes a person withdrawn, suspicious, irritable, sometimes even aggressive. This is quite logical. Those people whose self-confidence is close to or equal to zero have doubts about everything, not to mention building communication with other people. Psychologists advise to open your eyes to this and start working on improving self-esteem. There are several ways to help you:

• Learn to see in yourself not only shortcomings, but also advantages. As a rule, there are much more pluses, you just don't want to notice it. Prove to yourself that you have a million strengths. Believe me, this is not difficult, you have already been able to convince yourself that you are worse than others, now do the opposite.
• Evolve! This is a very effective method that will not only strengthen self-esteem, but also help you become better. In personal development, everything is ours.
• Praise yourself. If no one compliments you, this is no reason to give up, start praising yourself. Celebrate your accomplishments and focus on them.

Work on your environment

It is important that you are surrounded by people close to you in spirit, but communication with problem people should be reduced, or completely abandoned. Everyone knows the phrase: "show me who your friend is, and I'll tell you who you are." So, in order to remove barriers in communication, it is necessary to learn to perceive all people as equals. Of course, each of us is unique, but we should not forget that in our uniqueness we are all similar in some way. By excluding negatively minded people from your environment who somehow miraculously break your self-esteem, you will no longer be tormented by doubts.

Chat

The only way out of your comfort zone is regular exercise. Are you afraid to be the first to talk to a person? So you don't have to do it! Start small - first start communicating with loved ones: discuss with them something that you consider important, learn to express yourself and show your emotional sides. Have you achieved success with your family? Then gain altitude. Move to the Internet. On his reins, new acquaintances await you, do not give up. It is much easier for a person to communicate freely in his usual environment, and what could be more familiar than his own room? Of course, social life can never replace real life, but the practice of communicating with strangers is quite real.

Work on your mind

As practice shows, the fear of communication stretches from the past. Psychological childhood traumas have a strong influence on the worldview. It can be anything: family difficulties, conflicting views, negative experiences with peers. As a rule, we do not attach importance to those psychological situations of childhood that today make us feel social discomfort.

Childhood trauma tends to bite into the subconscious and interfere with personal growth. In this case, you should work out the difficult situations that you encountered in childhood. Analyze your condition, have there been cases in your past when your parents, albeit unconsciously, asked you to be silent or interrupted when you tried to take the initiative. From the point of view of psychologists, these are quite severe punishments that can cause a lifelong fear of communication. It is important to mentally return to those situations and relive them again, using your life experience and existing knowledge.

Do you experience anxiety and fear before communicating with a stranger? The fear of such communication arises in most people. Basically, this occurs when you communicate with high-ranking people who are self-confident and relaxed in communication. Fear of communication is one of the most common phobias.
If you are a confident interlocutor, then this article is not for you. But if you know the fear of communication, when the right words just disappear from your head, then reading this article will do you good.

Let's look at how you can overcome the fear of communication and become a more confident and interesting conversationalist.

1. A big delusion when you disguise the fear of communication as modesty and shyness. These are slightly different things and should not be confused. To be successful in this business, you need to overcome the barriers of modesty and start the conversation first. It may be superficial conversations about nothing at first, but over time you will be able to have deeper conversations. Understand for yourself that only in this way, overcoming modesty and shyness, you can overcome fear and communicate freely without obstacles.

2. Get rid of the habit of thinking about what the other person thinks of you. Very often you can hear such words: “What can he think of me, that I am too intrusive or that the conversation may seem boring and boring to him.” But you cannot know exactly what your interlocutor thinks of you. To read each other's thoughts is not yet given to man. And what difference does it make what he thinks of you, if he doesn’t voice it anyway. Many people don't bother to think about you or others at all. People's heads are filled with many other thoughts and they don't care about you. So, stop thinking during a conversation what your interlocutor is thinking. In fact, you will never know what the other person might really think of you. Immerse yourself in thoughts better in conversation.

3. If, as a fight against the fear of communication, you have chosen a job where there is a lot of communication with different people, then it is better to immediately quit such a job. Trust me, it won't do you any good. Professional communication in a business environment is not a place where you can train your communication skills. To do this, you will need a different environment, more natural, conducive to free communication. And with such harsh methods, you will simply cause stress in yourself and create even more fear of communication. Therefore, do not go for such radical methods, communicate more live in ordinary everyday life.

4. Choose simple and natural conditions to overcome the fear of communication. Try to hone your communication skills every day. In your ordinary life, you can certainly find many cases when you can chat with strangers. There are situations, events that require you to communicate and find compromises that can only be achieved by communicating more and more often. Use any suitable moment to communicate, in the store and in the bank, at the bus stop and in transport, on a trip. But you should have a goal to talk and start a conversation, this will not happen on its own. You need to learn not only how to keep a conversation going when you are spoken to, but also how to be the first to carry on a conversation. It will not turn out right away, but you should not give up, you must continue on. The ability to conduct a conversation and communicate freely needs to be honed day by day. Over time, without effort and fear, you will be able to communicate with those with whom you want. Such training will teach you the art of real communication, and bring it to automatism.

5. You can easily carry on conversations if you are cheerful. Seriousness and efficiency only scare people away. Joke more, have fun, smile more. Very quickly, fear and tension are removed by laughter. You just have to laugh heartily together, as fear and embarrassment will no longer arise.

6. Don't take to heart all the conversations that didn't go the way you expected. Or you thought you had a terrible conversation. Even if that's the case, so what? You have not lost anything, your life goes on. Do not take this as a mistake and a reason to quit practicing communication. On the contrary, you should consider past failures in future conversations. That's how they learn. Don't dwell on bad experiences. Take it lightly, without being too serious.

7. And the last recommendation, do not look too closely at this complex. Don't think about it all the time, just live a full life and exercise in between. Communicate simply and naturally, without thinking that at this very moment you are overcoming your fear. Let go of such thoughts during the conversation. Take it easy on this issue. This is only at first, you will feel uncomfortable when communicating with strangers, but it will take some time and you will get used to the new skill.

It is important to understand that all people have certain complexes and weaknesses. Therefore, if your interlocutor is a self-confident person, just remember that he also has his weaknesses. And for sure, there is an area in which you are more competent. Don't get lost or feel weak in his presence. In fact, your interlocutor is also constrained by new communication and feels the same awkwardness and embarrassment. Therefore, consider this and start communicating freely and joyfully, enjoying it.

Interpersonal communication is an essential part of our lives. Wherever a person is, he has to contact with other people everywhere - in the family, at work, in public transport, in a store, clinic, bank.

For most people, this interaction does not cause any inconvenience. However, there are individuals who experience fear of communicating with people. Let's look at the causes of this fear and find out how to deal with it.

In psychology, the fear of communicative interaction with others is called social phobia. Social phobes are different - for some, communication with people causes only slight difficulties and insecurity, while others experience real fear that prevents them from leading a normal life, forcing such individuals to hide from others and turning them into real recluses.

In most cases, social phobia can be successfully treated. A competent psychologist can help a person get rid of this problem. If the fear of communication is not expressed so strongly that it can be called a real phobia, then a person, as a rule, can cope with it on his own.

Why is a person afraid of communication?

The roots of the problem are usually laid in childhood. If a child was teased or offended by peers, was not accepted into their company and did not want to be friends with him, over time he may develop a fear of communicative interaction.

Children who are often criticized by their parents for any reason can also develop social phobia. It begins to seem to them that if even the closest people do not understand them, then what can be expected from strangers?

Naturally shy or insecure people also often experience communication difficulties. They are afraid to say something wrong or seem ridiculous in the eyes of the interlocutor.

However, fear of people is not always formed in childhood. Some individuals begin to experience it after some traumatic event or a long absence of communicative interaction. For example, housewives, mothers on maternity leave, who for a long time communicated only with their child, pensioners.

If a person is alone for a long time or is surrounded only by members of his family, his communication skill is gradually lost and it becomes difficult to meet and communicate with other people.

A person who has failed in communication may become afraid of its repetition in the future and avoid similar situations. This, for example, can include the experience of an unsuccessful speech in front of an audience, when a person was ridiculed or dishonored. Even if before this the individual did not experience any difficulties in communication, after his failure he may become afraid.

Varieties of fear of communication

Each sociophobe experiences fear of communicative interaction in different ways. Psychologists distinguish several types of such fear. Let's consider them.

• Communication with strangers. Some individuals feel quite relaxed in the company of friends or work colleagues, but literally fall into a stupor if they have to communicate with a person they do not know.
• Contact with the opposite sex. Notorious people are often afraid to meet and start relationships with people of the opposite sex. Boys are afraid of communicating with girls and vice versa. At the same time, they can easily communicate with representatives of their gender. Problems of this kind arise, as a rule, in adolescence, as a result of experienced failure and can haunt a person all his life.
• Communication with peers. Modest and shy children and teenagers often become outcasts in the team. They try to stay away from noisy companies, they are afraid to express their opinion, they are afraid of ridicule from their peers. Such individuals find it difficult to make friends and often suffer from loneliness.
• Presentation in front of an audience. This kind of fear is present in most people to one degree or another. Such individuals interact well with others, but are terribly afraid of public speaking. It is noted that they never choose a profession associated with the need to perform on stage or podium - a politician, artist, lecturer, teacher.
• Telephone conversations. Some people are fluent in person but are afraid to do it over the phone. They experience discomfort when they do not see the interlocutor, especially if it is a stranger or unfamiliar person.
• Communication with superiors in position or social status. The fear of communicative interaction with superiors, high-ranking people or those who are higher in position in society is a fairly common phenomenon and is inherent in many.

Symptoms and signs of social phobia

If a person experiences fear of communicative interaction, then in a frightening situation, his body begins to react accordingly. Social phobia can be recognized by some signs. During a conversation with other people, a person observes:

• cardiopalmus;
• dry mouth, feeling of a coma in the throat;
• voice trembling, inconsistency of speech, stuttering;
• muscle tension and nervous trembling in the body;
• redness of the face;
• increased sweating;
• cramps in the abdomen.

A social phobe may exhibit all or some of these symptoms. Depending on the degree of fear, they can be weak, moderate or strong. The more pronounced these signs are, the more difficult it is for an individual to contact others. That is why many sociophobes are forced to sit at home, alone, avoiding any communication.

How to overcome the fear of communicating with people?

Getting rid of the fear of communicative interaction is not only possible, but also necessary. If you suffer from such a problem, start fighting it as early as possible, otherwise fear will haunt you constantly, poisoning your entire existence and depriving you of many pleasant moments of life.

So, let's look at the most effective methods of dealing with social phobia, which are recommended by experts in the field of psychology.

• During communication, try not to think about what the interlocutor will think of you. Thoughts that you seem funny, stupid or boring to him automatically set you up for negativity. It is better to focus on the conversation itself, and not on the impression you make. In addition, most people are so busy thinking about their problems that they think little about the interlocutor. So, you have nothing to worry about.
• Become a good listener. If you don't know how to be a good storyteller, learn to listen to others. Many people feel the need to tell someone about their problems, to pour out their soul. Therefore, they will be very happy to find an appreciative listener.
• Practice your communication skills daily. If you want to succeed in communicative interaction and get rid of the fear of communication, make it a habit to communicate with someone every day. Do this in any convenient case - in a store, transport, clinic, bank. It is very convenient to exercise in public places. For example, you can ask a passer-by for directions, ask a salesperson in a store about a product you are interested in, in a clinic you can ask people in line for information about the doctor you are going to see. The main thing is to use every convenient opportunity to talk with someone.
• Develop a sense of humor. Cheerful people who know how to joke always attract others. Memorize jokes and funny jokes and apply them to the place. So you will not only defuse the situation, but also arouse the interest of the interlocutor.
• Smile and make eye contact. During the conversation, behave at ease, smile affably and do not avoid eye contact with the interlocutor. This will help to tune in to the conversation not only for you, but also for him.
• Don't take your failures personally. Get ready for the fact that you will not immediately begin to be able to freely communicate with others. But don't get hung up on failed attempts. A negative experience is also an experience. Just consider your mistakes and try not to repeat them in the future.
• Increase your erudition. The more a person knows, the easier it is for him to hold any conversation. Be interested in world news, achievements in science, technology, medicine, culture and art, watch educational TV shows, read books, newspapers, magazines. And then you will definitely find a topic for conversation with almost any interlocutor.
• Sign up for acting classes. This recommendation is useful for children and adolescents who experience communication difficulties. In such courses, they teach to liberate themselves, express their emotions and transform into different images.
• Communicate by phone and the Internet. If you still find it difficult to participate in live communication, take advantage of the possibilities of modern technology. Start with the simplest - correspondence on the Internet, gradually move on to telephone conversations, and when you feel confident enough, live communication will no longer cause you such anxiety.

The expert will help overcome fear

If your social phobia has already grown to an impressive size, and you are not able to overcome fear on your own, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.

He will help you identify the causes of your fear and select the most effective methods of dealing with it, offer you to undergo special trainings. In some cases, a specialist may recommend that you take sedatives at first to relieve trembling, palpitations, and other unpleasant symptoms.

If you experience fear of communicative interaction, be sure to try to overcome it. Do not deprive yourself of the joy of communicating with people!

I've been postponing an important work call for half an hour now. There are more pressing matters all the time. But deep down, I know that the reason is different: I am terribly afraid to communicate with people, especially with strangers, especially with bosses and officials. I just don't know how to overcome the fear of people, I don't know how to learn to communicate with people calmly.

I don’t remember exactly when I started to feel fear of communication. Probably since she began to turn into a clumsy teenager. In transport, it began to seem to me that everyone was looking only at me and seeing right through me. Under their gaze, I shrank all over, my head went into my shoulders, my breath caught. Just talking to people was a feat. How to learn if at this moment the head stops thinking and you become completely numb? I started avoiding public transport.

I did not participate in any school play or holiday, although I really wanted to. My arms and legs went numb, the text of the role evaporated from my head. I stood paralyzed in front of a hundred eyes aimed at me and understood that this was the end, that from now on everyone would despise me and point the finger: “There is the one who swallowed her tongue! Ha ha ha!"

Where did it come from - this fear of communicating with people?

Do you think I did not look for the reasons for this fear of people? Still looking for. I reviewed a lot of courses on communicating with people on the Web. It's unbearable - to live like this, in constant tension, denying yourself the joy of going out into the street, going to a party, meeting a man. I'm afraid to communicate with men too. I'm all alone, "thanks" to my social phobia.

I went to a healer. She laid her hands on me and I felt relieved. But the fear of people always returned. I read many books on psychology and looked for reasons. I understood that in the past I had psychological trauma when people (they are animals!) Offended me. But this did not answer the question of how to get rid of the fear of communicating with people. I still couldn't push myself out of the house.

How to overcome the fear of communication? Training in system-vector psychology

I have already put an end to my life and firmly decided that I would meet old age alone. But then ... providence intervened in the person of my only close friend, who was fond of psychology.

- Have you heard about the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan? These are the newest and most advanced developments in the field of psychoanalysis. I listened to free lectures, there were more than 3000 people, and I was absolutely delighted! These are the best courses, you should definitely try to learn how to communicate, try it!

I seized on a new opportunity:

You will learn later that fear is the opposite of love. You will learn how you can change the nature of your emotions to a positive one, how you can learn to communicate interestingly with any person. And having discovered the potential of love in yourself, you will understand how bright, rich and full-blooded life can be. A life where there is simply no place for fear.

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»