The psychologist of the regional center "Family" Natalia Marintseva advises parents of "uncomfortable" students.

I don't know what to do, how to be. My son was disliked by the teacher. She just can't stand him! - the mother of a second-grader from one of the Volgograd schools is nervous. And holds out the diary with trembling hands:

Here, look.

On each page of the entry, they shout with a red pen that the student is spinning at his desk, rushing headlong at breaks, forgot his notebook, pen, etc. etc. Plus desperate calls: “Parents, urgently take action!”

Mom takes out several notebooks from her son's bag. As another proof of the teacher's bias and the injustice of her grades.

Maybe we should go to another class or to another school?

It is difficult for a psychologist to assess the degree of bias of a teacher. And yes, you probably don't need to do that. After all, it is obvious that there is a situation in which the teacher cannot cope with the child. Hence his constant appeals to parents, probably in the hope that punishing parental anger will fall on the head (or on other places altogether) of the guilty child.

Such school-family conflict is not uncommon. Parents need to call on all their restraint and try to objectively assess the situation. Only in this way can something be done to mitigate the severity of the moment.

Say to yourself: “Yes, I love my child very much, even if he is a bad student. Yes, I'm nervous (frustrated, furious). But the whole world is not obliged to love my child.”

Re-read the teacher's remarks, at least temporarily "turning off" your emotions and not being infected by the teacher's emotions. Just read the text: what is behind it?

For example, "The whole lesson looks out the window", "He sits dreaming again." This is most likely about boredom and inattention. So it happens: the body is here, but the thoughts are far away. Interest in the learning process is not aroused. And you can't force anyone to "take" knowledge.

“He is distracted all the time”, “Does anything in the lesson”. Probably having trouble concentrating.

“I climbed under the table for half a lesson”, “It interferes with the whole class.” We are talking about excessive activity, perhaps even about the hyperactivity syndrome or the desire to attract attention.

Be sure to try to get a more or less clear idea of ​​what drives the child.

How can you help him?

1. Of course, calmly talk to the student about what is happening. And about what he was looking for under the table for so long. And about why he likes to look out the window so much. And where did the pen go? Find out if the notebook is lost.

Key points:

Do not discuss the actions of the teacher with the child or in the presence of the child;

Find out what help he needs to behave differently;

Explain to your offspring how important it is for you that he gets an education. And it is no less important for any normal person;

Do not punish, beat, shame or humiliate for inattention, absent-mindedness or running around. If children feel that they are loved and understood, they change for the better.

2. Of course, you need to meet and talk with the teacher.

Key points:

Don't start conversations in the staff room. Only tete-a-tete;

Don't make excuses, don't defend yourself, and don't attack. Listen and try to understand (we include logic);

Don't take responsibility for what happens at school. The teacher, like the child, has his own measure of responsibility;

Don't promise what you can't deliver;

Do not threaten the teacher and do not behave from a position of strength, and also do not humiliate yourself (a position of weakness).

In such conflict situations, try to speak in your own name, avoiding the pronouns “you” or “you”. Better: "I'm worried...", "It's hard for me to decide..."

Do you disagree with what the teacher says? Try this verbal tactic: “Of course I understand… (that my child is far from being a gift), but… (let’s look for a way out together).”

By the way, phrases like "Yes, but ..." do not provoke the interlocutor to aggression and help to look for joint constructive solutions.

Listen to how you talk about parenting issues. Suppose you often repeat the pronoun WE (about the child and about yourself). "We don't want to learn." "Shouldn't we move to another class?" This may be a sign that you are living more of a child's life than your own. Therefore, it is difficult for you to assess the situation of the conflict adequately.

Should I move to another class or school?

Sometimes, with a protracted and intractable conflict, this seems to be the best way out. But there is one danger here. If we do not want to resolve a difficult situation here and now, but run to another space, our unresolved past will drag along behind us. After all, you can’t run away from yourself! There is a risk that this will be repeated again and again, and the little person will form the habit of unfinished conflict relationships.

Don't do it yourself, no big deal. Look for someone who will help you: close, smart friends or specialists (psychologists, teachers). The world we live in is made up of different people. We learn something from everyone we meet along the way.

Take care of each other!

Children are not always honest storytellers. It's not smart to panic when a first grader comes home and claims that his teacher hates him.

But when you yourself began to notice signs of unreasonable discontent revealed in relation to your child, you need to take action. But what?

For the fifth evening in a row student returns home in tears and with the firm conviction that the teacher didn't like him.

At first you do not believe him, but then you listen and agree that his teacher is not so friendly.

Take action before the situation gets out of hand.

Talk to a child

Remind your child that no matter how the teacher treats them at school, you love them and will love them no matter what.

Promise in conversation that you will discuss this painful topic directly with the teacher. Do not turn the child against the teacher, do not feed his hatred, it will be even worse.

Just make it clear that you won't leave it like that.

Make an appointment

Arrange a meeting with the teacher as soon as possible. Be courteous and kind, but persistent. If the teacher refuses, make an appointment with her through the principal.

During the meeting

Do not start the conversation with aggressive accusations, as this will only spoil the situation. Start the conversation with the phrase: "I know my child is not always truthful, so I would like to hear the truth from you." Let the teacher describe the event.

Try to find out what caused such a relationship between your child and the teacher. Do not rush to draw conclusions, try to put yourself in the place of a teacher.

Plan your next steps

The most important step is to set a goal, and only then choose the means to achieve it. Discuss with the teacher the general line of conduct, agree on who and how should behave in order to avoid unnecessary claims in the future.

Be positive

If you were able to find a common language with the child's teacher, then after talking with her, thank her for taking the time to help you solve this delicate problem.

If the teacher does not want to change her behavior in the future, contact the school administration for help, let her consider this issue.

The child should be in a safe environment, feel the love and support of loved ones. You should only transfer your child to another class or school if there are no other options.

Throughout his life, a child will more than once encounter people who will not like him. That is why you need to teach him to effectively deal with problems of this nature, and not avoid them.

The teacher should not be guided by emotions and show his sympathy or dislike for the child. The teacher is not obliged to love all his students - this is impossible and wrong. But he is at work and is obliged to fulfill it conscientiously.

The ideal teacher should be impartial and evaluate the real knowledge of the student. The teacher should not be guided by emotions and show his sympathy or dislike for the child. The teacher is not obliged to love all his students - this is impossible and wrong. But he is at work and is obliged to fulfill it conscientiously.

In reality, not all teachers act fairly. Many have favorites in every class. These children always answer “excellent”, they are set as an example to others. A private tutor in Russian or mathematics does not deal with such students, and the teacher pays more attention to them when explaining the material. Some teachers even leave the child after the lesson and help deal with incomprehensible questions.

A similar situation can develop not only in the lower grades. It is not always schoolchildren with bad behavior who fall into the "disliked" category. It's just that the student may not be active in the lesson, not raise his hand, even if he knows the correct answer to the question. A child who sits calmly in class and completes a task may be a “step below” active classmates.

If you notice that there are problems in your relationship with the teacher, talk to the parents of your classmates and try to find out how he feels about the rest of the students. Some teachers throw out their family troubles on the students, then the question of replacing him should be decided at the level of the school administration.

If this attitude applies specifically to your child, try talking privately with the teacher. Don't make a fuss or make threats. Your child needs to continue learning in this class, so the issue is best resolved amicably.

Ask how to improve academic performance, what to pay attention to. Maybe the teacher has specific comments that you don't know about.

Tell them that the child regularly does homework, and low activity in the classroom is a trait of his character. Ask him to ask more often. Perhaps this way the student will show his real level of knowledge. If the measures taken do not help improve academic performance, try to convince the child that the subject should be studied. In exams, other teachers evaluate knowledge, and then he will show his level of preparation.

Talk to your child more often. When he complains about the problems that arise at school, try to hear not only his words, but also the emotions that cause such a state. Explain that different people meet in life, and schoolwork is one of the stages in his life. If he really gets an underestimation, his knowledge will be appreciated in further training.

• The teacher disliked the student. Who is guilty?

  In Moscow, a criminal case has been opened against a teacher who was suspected of harassing a student. According to Channel One, the teacher insulted and humiliated the child for several months, called him names in front of the children, advised him to leave him, and rudely pulled him up. Unable to withstand prolonged humiliation, the boy began to tell his parents that he did not want to live. After complaints from parents and an internal investigation by the school administration, the teacher was fired. Now the police are dealing with this matter.

  No parent wants to ruin a relationship with their child's teacher. We understand that this can only hurt. But sometimes you have to go to extreme measures: write complaints to the Ministry of Education, and even a statement to the police. There are more and more such cases in Russia every year.

  The phenomenon of a teacher bullying a student is not new. The new thing is that we are no longer ready to put up with such an attitude towards children. But do we have the right to demand from teachers that they love our children as their own? According to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan - yes, we have.

  For a real teacher, there are no other people's children

  A teacher is the person to whom we trust the most precious thing - our children. Not all children are obedient and diligent. There are restless fidgets among them, there are talkers, and even impudent leaders who are able to rush at the teacher with their fists.

  We send children to school not only for knowledge, but also for education. It is teachers who are called upon to make real people out of little "animals" - kind, sympathetic and disciplined. To accomplish this difficult task, the teacher must love other people's children as his own. It sounds incredible, doesn't it? Who cares about other people's children?

  The one who by nature itself was gifted with the talent of a teacher. Many such people are born.
  Each person from birth is endowed with a certain set of mental properties, which are called vectors in system-vector psychology. There are 8 vectors in total. Of these, modern man has in his set from three to eight. In order to transfer knowledge and experience to children, the teacher must have an anal vector. Such a teacher teaches. But this is not enough.

  Children need to be educated, that is, to instill in them the skills of cultural behavior. Previously, there was not even such a subject at school - ethics. But education, nevertheless, was and is. They are engaged in a natural educator, the bearer of the visual and skin vectors. She usually teaches literature and languages. If such a woman was in her place, then she is the most beloved teacher. Why do children love her? Because she loves them. For her, there are no other children.

  

  Children is our future

  Teachers have a big responsibility. Raising our children, they shape the future of the country. Therefore, the unhealthy situation in the school is a problem of national scale. In no case should one put up with cases of harassment, humiliation and beating of children at school. Even when it comes to someone else's child.

  There is no excuse for a teacher who herself encourages children to bully a classmate. She harms not only him, but the whole class. After all, her task is just the opposite. It should provide children with a sense of security and safety. Every teacher can and should do this.

  Unfortunately, the modern pace of life, with its unpredictability and uncertainty about the future, throws many people, including teachers, out of balance. Carriers of the anal vector are especially affected. In good condition, the anal teacher is patient and happy to repeat the same thing over and over. He is dedicated to his work and makes sure every child knows the subject.

  But, experiencing bad conditions, such teachers break down on children. At the same time, they justify themselves, sincerely believing that the children themselves are to blame. However, the reason for the bad states of the teacher lies elsewhere. It can be problems in your personal life, disrespect and intrigue in the team, and much more. Children are completely irrelevant here.

Relationships in the classroom can cause anxiety for parents not only when they relate to communication with peers. Much more difficult is the situation in which there is an unfair attitude of the teacher to the student.

The biased attitude of the teacher to the individual student is not a frequent problem, but it exists. Here it is necessary to understand the reasons for the unfair treatment, and first try to resolve the situation on your own.

Go to meetings regularly, and as a parent, you also have the right to attend classes. Try to form an opinion, abstracting from personal likes or dislikes. You need a cool head here. You need to verify the words of your offspring yourself.

What to do if a teacher dislikes a high school student

Before deciding how to protect a student from an unfair teacher, one should find out the true picture of what is happening. There are several types of misunderstandings between the teacher and the student. It's one thing if the mentor finds fault, it's another if the student disrupts lessons every day, is rude and starts the whole class, turning the education process into a farce.

If you have the situation described in the first case, then you really need to determine how to protect the child from the arbitrariness of the teacher. Listen to both sides first. A one-to-one conversation with the teacher should be mandatory.

Talk to him openly and frankly, set the goal of your communication to achieve consensus, not accusations and threats. The teacher is the same person, in most cases a personal conversation with a mentor helps to correct the situation. On the other hand, remember that in deciding how to deal with teacher bias, you are on the side of your son or daughter's best interests. Do not curry favor with a mentor and do not be afraid that he will be able to somehow influence the entire process of education at school.

In the problem of what to do if a teacher fails a son or daughter, both the provocative actions of the student and the unfair attitude of the teacher to the student may be guilty. The latter will be much more difficult to deal with, as practice shows. But you need to defend the rights of your offspring. Who better than you will protect the little man from rudeness, tyranny and undeserved deuces.

Where to complain about a conflict with a teacher at school

IMPORTANT: It is advisable to bring video materials or a voice recording as evidence so that your accusations are not called indiscriminate or groundless. You must respond to the complaint and give a deadline for its consideration. After this procedure, wait for the result, the officials must check your application.

Where can I file a complaint against a school teacher? Please contact the director first. If he does not take any action, you need to go higher. There are instances that control the processes of education in all types of educational institutions. If the attempt at amicable settlement does not lead to anything good, you have the right to complain about the teacher to the Department of Education.