This transitional age! During the transition of a teenager from childhood to adulthood, it is customary to explain many of his actions that it is psychologically difficult for him to perceive his new status. However, the crises of age with obtaining a passport do not end there. And then a person is subject to emotional and psychological pressure due to unfulfilled dreams, the failure of plans for life, conceived in his youth. In the process of negative reassessment of the life path, one wants to stop the Earth and get off. This is the midlife crisis. Hearing that it is inherent in men.

This is natural, since the crisis in them, as usual, proceeds violently and for show. However, if it is not shown openly, this does not mean that it does not exist. This is how, in themselves, women quietly experience the crisis of their age, leaving during this period in deep depressive states. Men believe that by destroying something (family, career or life principles), they will find a way out of this crisis. Women do the opposite, they do not destroy anything - having completely resigned themselves, they lie down and are carried along the flow of dissatisfaction of being, more and more absorbed by hopelessness.

The main age crises in women

18-20 years old. The mother-daughter games are over.

Yesterday, a carefree schoolgirl having fun with her girlfriends discussing the upcoming meeting with the prince in a white Mercedes and a fabulous life with him, and today a girl from whom life requires making independent decisions, creating and arranging her “nest”, looking for a job and be for what - something and for someone responsible. Like a castle in the sand, children's illusions crumble, it turns out that even with a red diploma, they are not immediately appointed to the position of director, instead offering the position of a junior employee. And relationships are a little similar to fairy tales, intrigues, problems, misunderstandings, etc.

I can’t bear to get married, but there is still no candidate. Not everyone manages to build personal relationships, but you want to be “like everyone else”, to live according to a pattern built over the centuries. Nevertheless, this crisis is not so difficult, because there is a glimmer of hope that the sky will clear and life will get better, it remains only to wait a little.

Exit: living “like everyone else”, according to a template, is not the best solution. During this period, it's time to understand that you are an individual and your life path is also individual. Trying, making mistakes, acting without fear of failure - this is the scenario of life now. This period has an undeniable advantage, in it you can cross out and correct something (but you can’t “write a draft”! - This applies to any period). Better to do it and regret it than to regret not doing it. Find yourself, your values ​​and prioritize!

Thirty year milestone

This anniversary scares many women. The period of appearance of treacherous first wrinkles and gray hairs. The soul is squeezed by longing that the best years have already been lived, and ahead is a slow fading away and the realization that dreams are not destined to come true. Summing up with the particle “Not” - did not have time, did not achieve, was not successful, not loved, not needed, etc.

The reproaches of parents and public opinion are added to personal self-criticism. By the age of 30, a flourishing young woman should be successful in all respects: with a husband, with children, with a career and with decent money. But in reality, you understand that the fire of love for your spouse has long gone out, that neither the light nor the dawn you have to get up, push yourself in public transport and cut down on your unloved job, that London, Paris, Monaco and Goa will not see her happy face, that friends are weeded out alone after another. Everything is indifferent. Many women stop “strengthening the facade”, which exacerbates their crisis. Retirement is on the horizon, so why are you tormented by high heels and building babylons on your head?

Exit: change! Our hearts demand! No, no one forces you to live from scratch, you just need to find new guidelines, set new goals. Let fresh air into your life. Did you dream of becoming an artist as a child? Sign up for a master class! Scuba dive, skydive, hot air ballooning, exhibitions and theatre. You have such amazing opportunities!

Surely the husband, noticing such a tendency to vitality, will perceive it positively and the fire of love will flare up in his heart anew. If you are single, then with new hobbies you expand your social circle, where you may well meet your other half. And then, having recharged with positive energy, it may be possible to change jobs, where there will be a good salary, allowing you to go to London, Paris, Monaco and Goa and generally reach new heights.

40 years. There are no seats in the stalls

At 40, the crisis is perceived less emotionally than at 30. Under the onslaught of quiet sadness, falling into a terrible depression, it seems that everything good and bright has already happened, that there is no longer a guiding star to strive for and it’s generally stupid to wait for something more . “Girl!” ... no, it’s not for me, the appeal “woman” was assigned to me. Explicit wrinkles, cellulite and complement the non-rosy picture.

A period of extremes, someone completely waves his hand at himself, dressing up only for the New Year, his birthday and March 8th. And someone does not leave the office of a plastic surgeon.

For married women, their personal crisis is exacerbated by the husband's midlife crisis, which creates even more problems. Instead of the expected support of the faithful, she observes his constant discontent, they quarrel, he may even change or decide to break off relations. The breath of old age is more and more felt, it goes into its shell, fencing itself off from the saturation of the world. She herself creates barriers to something new, which only exacerbates her depression.

Exit: not withdraw into yourself, but be with your family and friends, lead the same relatively active lifestyle. Enjoy life in every possible way: sing, dance, cross-stitch, ski, skate, rollerblade, make your dream come true - go around the world or meet your idol.

Make changes to your habitual way, for example, at least start repairs, this will be a great emotional shake-up for the body. Start a tradition, for example, flying kites on the first Sunday of the month. Strange and even somewhere stupid, children's entertainment. However, it is in immediate emotions that your body needs right now.

With mutual support, you and your husband will be able to breathe fresh air into your relationship, than arrange another honeymoon for yourself. You have to accept yourself for who you are and love. From the covers of glossy magazines, faces amaze with youth, and you amaze with your charm and fullness.

55 years. The play is over. Curtain

As a rule, the period when women think that they no longer belong to full-fledged people. Estrogen production is reduced, and this often leads to weight gain and permanent mood swings. Physiological factors exacerbate psycho-emotional ones. From a young woman, after whom men turned their necks, it turned out to be a restless pensioner who feels that she is “living out”, clicking channels and growing seedlings on the windowsill. This is how the life of the "grandmother" seems. The children have scattered from the family nest, a purely “working” relationship with her husband, I just want the tachycardia to subside and the pressure not to jump. Here it is, the beginning of the end. Everything is seen in black light.

Exit: look back at your life. How rich and bright it was, how much you managed to do! Now is the perfect time to take care of yourself. Retirement is an opportunity to slow down and enjoy everything that surrounds you. And at 55, life can only begin. Set a goal to visit new places once a year. And don't cut back on your physical activity. Guilty is not age, but the attitude towards it and to life. You can keep youth in your soul at any age.

They say that at 45 a woman has a berry again, but for many women the period of 35-45 years is very difficult. On the one hand, life is well-established and successful: healthy children make you happy, a loving husband is nearby, your career is developing successfully at work. But, looking in the mirror, a woman sees wrinkles and folds, the figure is no longer so slender, the braid is thin and long. The realization comes that the years are running, irrevocably changing appearance and the former lightness is no longer worth waiting for. Such emotions often become the cause of a protracted midlife crisis, which is difficult to get out of. In the article, we consider the main recommendations of psychologists for overcoming the midlife crisis.

midlife crisis in women

Often, the first manifestations of the crisis occur in women after 35 years. Real life loses joy, there is a feeling that there will be nothing interesting ahead. The prospects are blurred, the further direction of movement is unclear. When a woman enters this difficult period with a negative emotional state, she may desire the following drastic changes:

Middle age issues

After 35 years, changes occur in the life and health of a woman that worsen the immune system, hormonal sphere, and appearance. The metabolic rate decreases after the age of 40, which leads to a decrease in muscle mass and an increase in adipose tissue. Fat accumulates in the abdomen, which leads to enveloping the internal organs. As a result, blood pressure rises sharply, heart problems, diabetes occur.

Increased body weight provokes diseases of the uterus, ovaries, intestines, breasts. Therefore, it is important to provide light physical activity, proper nutrition, and psychological unloading. If family life is unsettled, then self-esteem decreases even more, it becomes difficult to find new partners. Unrealized maternal instinct can cause serious depression.

Married women have problems as their children grow up. Disputes and disagreements appear in matters of their future life, education, and the creation of their own family. If you do not pronounce discontent, then you can seriously quarrel with your spouse, up to a divorce. Sometimes the help of a family psychologist is required.

Midlife crisis: how to get through it with dignity

Do not let your emotional experiences drift. If you do not fight the blues, you can earn a deep depression or mental disorder. Too sensitive ladies need to seek psychological help.

Your life at any age can be rich and interesting. The accumulated experience and knowledge will save you from rash acts, a stable financial condition will allow you to travel and pamper yourself. Learn to appreciate life, and relatives will value you even more.

In the life of every representative of the fair sex, there comes a period when it seems that everything around is bursting at the seams, and the soil is leaving from under your feet. And it doesn’t matter at all whether this lady is successful or has always been unhappy in life. This famous midlife crisis in women is so individual that its boundaries cannot be clearly defined - someone begins to perceive the world in a different way already at the age of 30, and for someone, life values ​​begin to change only after 40.

Description

After 40 years, a woman may have the feeling that time is not infinite, and then the need to realize is especially acutely felt: “What am I living for? Am I going there? What else do I want to achieve? What is the most important thing in your life now?

Someone changes their profession, someone gets divorced, someone gets married, someone gives birth to a child, someone gets a lover, someone learns to draw, sculpt, sing.

If a woman after 35 is still or no longer married, she begins to rush about, rush and can commit rash acts. If there is no child, then the issue of childbearing becomes the leading one.

Important! Children are an important confirmation that a woman has not lived half her life in vain.

Children can also justify some "shortcomings", for example, did not graduate from college, as a child appeared or recovered after childbirth.

For married women, a midlife crisis usually lies in wait when the child is ready for an independent life. In the event of his departure, the parents begin to quarrel, because now the topics of family conflicts are emerging that were previously hushed up, postponed and not resolved.

Important! To avoid dangerous clarifications, a woman can turn her attention towards another partner.

The new body image of the “middle-aged woman” also causes protest. Closer to forty, the metabolic processes in a woman's body slow down, muscle mass decreases, and the amount of fat increases. And this is a natural process. In addition, it is “warmed up” by stress and anxiety.

The reasons

We can identify the main problems that cause a midlife crisis. Most of them are very relevant to the modern pace of life.

1. The emergence of the need to change the orientation of a kind of activity from physical to mental. Very often this occurs as a result of significant changes in the physiology of the body.
2. Certain biological changes in middle age in men may lead to a forced recognition of social priorities over sexual ones.
3. Events such as quarrels, loss of friends and loved ones, disruption of a previously established routine of life cause a specific emotional impoverishment. As a result of this state, there is a need to create some emotional flexibility.
4. The need to overcome the previously established mental straightness. The need for the formation of some mental mobility.
5. Excessive division among themselves of various vital interests, such as work and family, which conflict with each other. Such "collisions" most often lead middle-aged people to disaster.
6. Excessive attention to the emerging problem of impending old age and its probable death.
7. Quite often, the reason is her own reflection in the mirror: a woman is driven to despair by watching her gray hair appear, wrinkles form, and her overall appearance changes.

Interesting to know! The process of external aging in women develops somewhat faster than in men.

signs

Recognizing a midlife crisis in a woman is not so difficult. In addition, it can manifest itself both in external changes and in outlook on life.

1. You are already over 30 years old, and thoughts about age haunt you: it seems that you are getting old, youth has gone forever and you are turning into an old woman.
2. You are afraid to look in the mirror because you are frustrated by the appearance of wrinkles, brittle and dull hair.
3. Everything starts to annoy: your husband, children, colleagues, boss - you notice the smallest flaws in the people around you that didn’t bother you at all before.
4. Nostalgia for a past life begins: you increasingly think that all the dreams of youth have remained unfulfilled plans.
5. Increasingly, you are thinking about your health, about the need to go to get checked, undergo an examination and drink vitamins.

Observe: it's not just about chronic fatigue or nervous strain. The midlife crisis in women is characterized primarily by a radical change in life priorities:

• you begin to care about health, not about beauty;
• think less and less about men, but constantly think about what did not take place in life in the professional field;
• more and more often you listen to the arguments of the mind, while ordering the heart and feelings to be silent.

Positive sides

There are women who are more family-oriented, and there are those who have a career as the main thing. If both work and family are important for a woman, then such a woman evaluates herself in the middle of her life in two ways, and of course, she is more critical of herself. Such ladies experience a "midlife crisis" violently and painfully.

Important! However, this time is not only the pain of loss, but also the joy of gain.

The midlife crisis is an opportunity to think about yourself and your life, sum up some intermediate results, evaluate from the height of your own experience what you have succeeded in, what you can be proud of, and what you want to improve, correct, change, while there is still time and resources .

If much did not happen in accordance with our dreams, then the main feelings are shame, guilt, bitterness. Then it is necessary to mourn unfulfilled hopes, mourn for missed opportunities, before setting new goals and looking for new meanings.

This is where a psychologist can help. He will not write a list of new life goals for you, but will help you analyze your condition and potential. Together you will find not only a way out of the crisis, but also the entrance to a new period of your life.

The most important thing during this period is to focus on what you can do, and not on what you might not be able to do. Instead of suffering - think about what you are proud of and don't forget to praise yourself!

Advice! Be realistic and accept that not all dreams come true. By the way, it is not yet known what would have happened to you if everything that you so dreamed of at a young age had come true in life.

How can you help yourself?

At this stage, you need to achieve rational knowledge of yourself and your essence.

1. Stop evaluating yourself as a superhero. You are an ordinary woman with your own strengths and weaknesses. You don't owe anything to anyone. If you have taken place as a wife and mother, right now you can try yourself in a career. If not, this is not a reason to lose self-control and self-respect. You are not perfect, but you are not to be loved for perfection. Be yourself and don't let perfectionism ruin your life.
2. Give yourself pleasure. Do not regard life as a result, look at it as a process from which you can enjoy. Find activities that bring you joy and spiritual pleasure, whether it's going to a beauty salon or painting lessons.
3. Consider hobbies and a new career. Ask yourself the question - "what would I like to do if all professions in the world were paid exactly the same?". Take a look at the answer given.
4. Don't Focus on Children. If you don’t have them, and this brings you the greatest misfortune, understand that now you can become a mother even after 50 years, which is readily proved by Russian pop, cinema and business figures. And if you have them, and you want more, but you are aware that this is impossible - think about the fact that grandchildren are waiting for you ahead, and this is a completely different, truly magical feeling. This will give you the right idea that life goes on and does not stop until death.
5. Give love. It's time to blunt your selfishness and start giving love from the bottom of your heart. Make adjustments to your family routine, assign any personal traditions, spend time with your husband more often, sincerely thank him for everything he has done for you.
6. Allow yourself the luxury of only talking to people you like. The boss can be an exception, and erase the numbers of those who annoy or shamelessly use you from the phone.

The midlife crisis is the signal given to the individual so that he can act. People suddenly remember that they live contrary to their own nature and want to urgently correct the situation.

The crisis is designed to draw a person's attention to what is happening in his soul. There are a number of tips to help you get through this difficult period.

1. Self-realization
   Those who feel strong anxiety about professional inadequacy and want recognition should find a passion for themselves. Self-realization is not necessarily expressed in building a successful business. Just be flexible, learn to see new opportunities and opening prospects.
2. Strengthening relationships with a partner
   At the time of the crisis, relations with the second half also suffer. To strengthen the union, take time for your loved one. You should not lock yourself in only, although the midlife crisis encourages you to do just that. It is best to start spending evenings together, going to thematic meetings that will be of interest to both.
3. Look after appearance
   Both women and men in crisis should take care of their appearance. During the development of a midlife crisis, any small failure can unsettle, deprive of peace of mind. It is important to feel well-groomed and outwardly attractive person. Remember to take care of yourself, even if you don't feel like doing it at all.
4. Do not cut off the shoulder
   No matter how unbearable external circumstances may seem to you, you should not try to change everything in one fell swoop. You do not need to immediately file for divorce and part with the person with whom you have lived for a long time. Do not quit your job until you are sure that you can realize yourself in a new profession. You should act gradually, do not chop off the shoulder. Probe carefully, trying to understand what exactly will be considered the best solution for you.

First of all, it is important to acknowledge that you are going through this stage in life. This will help you clear your mind and move on, while denial can prolong this period.

Awareness of the problems and understanding of the things that you would like to change should lead to an improvement in the standard of your life and ensure its further stability.

1. Accept yourself and your age - see the benefits in it. Yes, you are no longer 16, but you are no longer as stupid as at 16, and at your 35 years old - you are a woman in the prime of life, mature beauty and you already have experience and wisdom - and they are worth a lot.
2. Take care of yourself - if you do not love yourself, take care of yourself, value yourself, no one will do it for you.
3. In order to be respected, you need to achieve this respect. Become your children's best friend, don't get hung up on just family concerns, try to expand your horizons and don't miss the opportunity to learn and try something new.
4. Interest your husband in yourself - but not with the help of scandals or tears and cries that “no one understands you”, but with the help of a mysterious smile, a new hairstyle, beautiful underwear.
5. Like Baron Munchausen, pull yourself out of the mire of a midlife crisis by the hair - step by step, centimeter by centimeter.

Once in the life of every person there comes a time of reassessment of values, when you can already look back and see your mistakes, wrong decisions, analyze the results of your efforts, and draw conclusions about your achievements. Very often, pragmatic and self-critical people in modern society do not have enough self-confidence and strength to accept their own shortcomings, come to terms with the mistakes made in their lives, try to correct the situation and change life for the better. Not many people have enough faith in themselves to simply start over from scratch. And then somewhere in the depths of the soul a person has a feeling of confusion, depression and hopelessness, which is replaced by despair. Depression sets in, which is called a midlife crisis.

Each person finds his own reason for worrying. Some people, having reached unprecedented peaks in their careers, realize that they completely forgot about the family and missed the most important and tremulous moments of growing up their own children, and some sadly think that they never had a real family. Someone gets tired of a rented apartment, uninteresting work and a constant lack of money, and someone, having their own business, suddenly experiences a betrayal of a partner and the collapse of the company. One person cannot accept the fact that all his friends have achieved some success, and only he will not find a normal job, and the other has grown up the career ladder so much that he no longer sees prospects for further development. Thoughts are different for everyone, but every person one day begins to understand how his dreams diverge from reality. And time is running out and there are fewer and fewer opportunities to realize your plans and achieve your goals.

How long does a midlife crisis last?

The midlife crisis begins at 30-45 years and lasts 2-3 years. For everyone, this time is different. But the most critical age for women is the period of 30-35 years. In men, the crisis begins later, at the age of 40-45 years.

The reason for the early onset of a midlife crisis in women is:

1. The responsibility that is placed on women for the birth and upbringing of children, as well as the age limits imposed by society. Having a first child after 30-35 years is not accepted, but meanwhile, many women, because of the desire to get a decent education and find a good job, are in no hurry to start a family.
2. The first signs of the withering of the female body, when wrinkles begin to appear on the face at the age of 30-35, the figure changes after the birth of children, and there is practically no time left for oneself. Men, on the other hand, may not pay much attention to appearance and have the opportunity to concentrate on work, which women simply cannot afford.
3. A drop in strength, when it is no longer possible, as in youth, not to sleep at night and in the most intense schedule to find time to meet with friends.
4. Difficulty interacting with the opposite sex. If a woman over 30 is still single, it is much more difficult for her to find a life partner for herself. Since she already subconsciously does not put sexuality in the first place, which all young people possess. For her, personal qualities become important. And if men do not fit all the criteria, a woman has a feeling of hopelessness and doomed to loneliness.
5. The impossibility of realizing one's own goals and desires. Those girls who live with their parents for a long time, listen to their advice and do not have the opportunity to realize their own ideas and desires, are most acutely experiencing a midlife crisis.

midlife crisis in women manifests itself in irritability and nervousness. A depressed state is accompanied by apathy, laziness, one does not want to do even elementary familiar things. A woman has sudden mood swings, optimism and enthusiasm are suddenly replaced by disappointment and helplessness. Satisfaction from work disappears, the family does not please, you generally want to turn off the phone so as not to hear the cheerful and cheerful voices of friends. Another invariable “attribute” of the midlife crisis is thoughts about death, which more and more often begin to arise in the oppressed mind of a person.

When a midlife crisis sets in, women very often leave their husbands in search of a more affluent partner, change their style of dress and hair, or start looking for new entertainment, often abusing alcohol.

How to overcome a midlife crisis

If you do not know how to survive a midlife crisis, try to relax, rest more often, find a new hobby for yourself that will help you recharge with positive.

Calmly analyze whether you like the work. Don't be afraid to take a step forward and send at least ten of your resumes to companies where you really want to work.

If your loved ones annoy you, try to restrain yourself so as not to make fatal mistakes. They are certainly not to blame for your problems.

Despite the apparent drama of the situation, a midlife crisis always ends with the formation of new goals and attitudes. A person realizes that his time is limited, and begins to appreciate every minute of his life. A woman begins to take care of the feelings of her children and spouse. She begins to find pleasant moments in her family life, to notice the good that she had not paid attention to before.

The life of a person who has survived a midlife crisis becomes more stable. It is no longer governed by spontaneous decisions and violent emotions, but by wisdom, mutual respect and compromise.

A woman after 35 becomes a more holistic and harmonious personality. All those ideals and values ​​between which a young and insecure girl rushed about in her teens fade into the background. Now a woman already has her life experience, her knowledge, and she is able to choose her own path. And the midlife crisis is precisely the crossroads at which every person stops one day. But since ancient times, philosophers have said: do not be afraid of crossroads, even if you can go only one of the roads. Where the paths diverge, there is a great power that empowers the wanderer with energy and helps to make the right choice.

Is everything behind?

43-50 years is a critical moment in a woman's life. Indeed, by this age, she had already completed most of the “tasks” of her life: she created a family, gave birth and raised a child (maybe more than one), built a career, equipped a house - in fact, stepped over the middle of her path. And the question involuntarily arises before her: why, for what and how to live on? The usual points of application of energy have disappeared, and sometimes the meaning of life along with them ... The psychological state of a woman at this moment can be described in two words: “hidden pain”, pain, about which there is nothing to say out loud. External signs of well-being - marriage, children, favorite work - no longer satisfy, but what is inside hurts and interferes with life, it is difficult to understand.

Oddly enough, most men of a similar age do not experience such problems: they have hobbies, friends, in general, there are ways of self-realization. A woman, on the other hand, is often too “busy” with other important matters to maintain close relationships with friends or engage in creativity, she had too much trouble with growing children, household chores. But now the time has come when the children have achieved independence, relationships with her husband are on a given track, life is adjusted. A woman does not see prospects for herself. It is at this age that the number of breaks in relations with the former partner, with the one with whom life has been lived, is growing. And it also happens that alcohol becomes a way to cope with the situation.

The crisis of 50 years in women: psychology

The cause of the crisis is a deep desire to be needed, loved, in demand: a psychologist can help to realize these needs. A woman needs bright emotions that cause love, motherhood, and the novelty of relationships. These desires can be realized in different ways: someone, for example, is purposefully looking for new acquaintances and connections. But these attempts to reshape life are doomed to failure in advance, because in this way you can only get a surrogate. A woman after 40 is too wise not to notice the shortcomings of a new partner. It is illogical for her to immerse herself in the life of the body, when the perception of the world and herself mainly goes “through the head”: through understanding, awareness, comparison with experienced experience. A deeper understanding of the problem lies in the fact that a woman is horrified that life has not yet been lived, there is still unspent energy, and the body is already aging, and the usual points of application of power (children, husband, career) no longer need hourly attention.

Be yourself

Perhaps the process of overcoming the crisis of 50 years for women will not be too fast: according to experts, this is due to age-related characteristics, the coincidence of the psychological crisis with age-related, physiological changes in the body. But psychologists agree that the most effective solution to the problem will be to reformulate your desires and needs in such a way as to aim not at getting emotions, but at the maximum investment of yourself. No matter how paradoxical it sounds, it is by giving and investing that you can get much more positive warm feelings than by demanding attention. The feeling that you yourself are creating something interesting, beautiful, or just doing a good and useful thing, you are busy, you are creating - this is exactly what women so often lack.

The next step in overcoming the crisis of the age of 50 for women will be to take responsibility for what happens to your life: fill it with the necessary things, events, people, feelings on your own - and, therefore, turn the tide! Yes, it can be very difficult to break the pattern and go learn to play the piano at 45, pick up a brush and paint for the first time after school, go to Pilates - do something that is not accepted, but is very necessary for your own peace of mind and well-being.