It is very important to trust your instincts at the initial stage of a relationship, because most often an aggressive man shows his true essence when he is already sure that a woman will not run away from him anywhere.

What is the behavior of an aggressive man? How to recognize him in the early stages of a romantic relationship? What signs in behavior show a person's propensity for aggression and violence?

Every woman should know the answers to these questions so that it is not too late to find out who the man really is and end the relationship sooner rather than later.

Signs of an aggressive man

• He is unreasonably jealous and suspicious

Jealousy is not always a sign of love, more often a sign of complexes and emotional instability. A self-confident man, if he is jealous, he will not make scenes and scandals when the guy at the next table just looked at you.

• Likes to control his woman

He wants to know everything about you, especially where and with whom you spent every minute of your day. He does not like when you meet with colleagues after work, he reads your texts, tries to participate in every area of ​​your life. For example, he may insist on picking you up from work even if you don't want to.

• He doesn't respect his woman

He does not respect any woman in the world and will not treat his own differently - this is the reality. He does not listen to her, defiantly ignores her opinion. Double standards are also a sure sign of aggressiveness. If he treats his woman well and treats others badly, this means that sooner or later he will show his essence.

• Easily loses his temper over trifles

A too irritable person who does not control himself well can also behave with his woman, but not immediately, but as soon as he feels comfortable in her environment, when he realizes that she belongs to him, that she is in love with him, for example, or has become his wife.

• Often uses exaggerations in speech

This indicates a tendency to extremes in the character of a person. For people like him, everything is either black or white (more often black), there is no gray. He does not know what a compromise is, he is bad at negotiating, listening to other people.

• Prefers fast development of relationships

Numerous studies have shown that aggressive men are most often for the rapid development of relationships. They don’t want to wait, the woman should belong to him as soon as possible, because only in this way can he control her and dictate his rules to her. Women often complain that men are slow to propose marriage, but when he does it too soon, this is a good reason to think and analyze your relationship. It happens that this is really love, but if he shows other signs described in this article, then there is no need to rush.

• Tries to limit your contact with family and friends

He wants his woman only for himself and with the development of relationships, he shows more and more dislike when a woman communicates with other people from her environment. When the relationship becomes serious, or after the wedding, he simply forbids her such contacts.

• Mood changes often

The mood can change for all of us, but only in a psychologically unstable person can it change dramatically, often for no apparent reason.

• Uses threats and blackmail to control

“If you don’t do something, then I….” is a common phrase that comes from the lips of an aggressive man. He loves that everything always be exactly as he wants, while he can not use physical violence, psychological aggression is a thing no less terrible.

• Blames others for their problems

He only has someone else to blame but not himself. He is perfect and always does everything right. With the passage of time, he begins to shift more and more blame onto his woman, he makes her feel bad, often humiliates and infringes on her own dignity. This is a method of control using psychological aggression.

• He has a negative attitude towards women

Often he scolds his ex-wives or girlfriends, says nasty things about them and generally considers women “corrupt” or uses other unflattering words, which means that he already has a certain image of women in his head, and the chance that he really considers you is different, minimal. Most likely, he hopes that he will limit you and "educate" you so that you match his idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe right woman.

• He is aggressive towards animals and children.

A man who can show violence towards defenseless creatures will not refrain from showing the same attitude towards his woman in the future. If he allows aggression towards the defenseless, you need to urgently run away from such a man and as far as possible.

• He is rude and disrespectful to others

If a man behaves well with his woman, but treats others badly, this is a sure sign of aggressiveness, because at the beginning of the relationship he will not show his real essence to his woman, but he behaves with others as he used to. Especially pay attention to how he treats the staff of various establishments, whether it be a hotel or a restaurant.

An aggressive man believes that if he has paid any amount for something, then he can behave as he wants. He has the same attitude towards women, if he spent some of his money on her, he often already considers her his property.

Of course, one can sympathize with such people, because most often such behavior is the result of psychological trauma in childhood, being raised in a family with the same aggressive father, but this does not mean that you can somehow help him. Here you need the help of a professional psychologist, and you don’t have to selflessly try to somehow survive in a relationship with an aggressive man because “he feels bad.” This is the mistake of many women. Be smarter and more selective in relationships.

Verbal aggression is defined as a symbolic form of aggression in the form of causing psychological harm using predominantly vocal (shout, change in tone) and verbal components of speech (invective, insults, etc.). At the same time, the fact of causing harm must be real and obviously obvious to both the aggressor and his victim. Verbal aggression can be open (insults, angry attacks) or hidden (almost imperceptible, gradual). Open verbal aggression is manifested by a clear intention to cause communicative harm to the interlocutor and is expressed in obvious humiliating forms (insults, curses, screams, attacks). Such behavior quite often tends to turn into physical aggression, when the aggressor shamelessly invades the interlocutor's personal space. Hidden verbal aggression is a systematic and derogatory pressure on the interlocutor, but without open confrontation and the manifestation of hostile emotions.

Verbal aggression is manipulative in nature and is aimed at establishing control over another person. Usually the victim of covert verbal aggression does not understand that she is under the control of a manipulator who controls the behavior of the victim. Signs of hidden aggression in speech can manifest themselves in unflattering comparisons (“you are like that elephant in a china shop” ..); mockery, sarcasm (“everyone knows this…”..); using a command tone ("be quiet and listen"); remarks ("it is necessary to know..."); hints that something is wrong with the interlocutor (“since you don’t know this.”..); condescending tone (“how can you not know this?”); destructive criticism (“you never succeed in anything”); generalizations ("you always ..); boasting (“yes, I’m at your age.”.); shifting responsibility to another person (“he provoked me.”.); a reminder of some kind of losing situation for the interlocutor. ("It will be like last time."..); inducing feelings of guilt ("You ruined my life."..);.distortion, distortion of facts; defamation (“this is already obvious..”); false sympathy ("you're doing well, for someone like you.."); compulsion to constantly justify (“if you are so smart, then why are you not rich yet..”); denunciation and accusation of another (“you want to make a scandal ...”); a hint of a problem (you are somehow sad and do not look important. ..); forgetting facts, which also includes hidden manipulation (some aggressors are chronically forgetful when it comes to making promises).

Although the consequences of all types of aggression are devastating, it is denial that brings the most destruction, because in fact it denies the reality of a communication partner. The strategy of behavior with the aggressor-manipulator involves two ways (in fact, there are many more). The first way - "do not feed" the aggressor with a response in the form of irritation, grief, crying. The second way is to agree with the opponent, and in order for the effect to be brighter, it is necessary to do this with a certain amount of hyperbole and irony. The victim must know that it does not depend on her whether the aggressor will yell at her or not.

The anger of the aggressor is born from his own internal and completely unbearable feeling of his own powerlessness, due to low self-esteem, as well as inferiority complexes. Very often, the roots of such behavior of the aggressor come from childhood, where, perhaps, he himself was an outsider and therefore, having matured, he “acts out” on others. He expresses his anger either in a hidden form through manipulation, or openly with violent attacks directed against a partner. His strategy of behavior is an attack, denunciation, identification and accusations of a partner. Verbal aggressors usually express most of their emotions in anger. For example, if the aggressor feels insecure and restless, he can immediately fall into anger, that is, be angry that he suddenly felt insecure and restless.

Meanwhile, each of us, by nature, is endowed with the ability to experience emotions, feelings. This ability to feel is universal for human nature, but, unfortunately, the aggressor most often does not want to accept his own feelings, much less show his true feelings to a partner. He artificially creates a distance with a communication partner.

There are categories of verbal aggression that manifest themselves in isolation, the desire to object, the desire to devalue the achievements and feelings of other people, verbal aggression in the form of jokes, blocking and distorting information, denouncing and blaming others, criticizing and condemning other people, vulgarizing the meaning of what is happening, denial of emotional support, threats, name-calling, commanding tone, forgetting and denying facts. Anger is able to emphasize, justify and legitimize verbal aggression.

Aggressive anger is a category of verbal aggression. For the victim, it is necessary to understand that she did nothing for which one could shout at her, break loose, cut off in mid-sentence and even look with anger - she is not to blame, no matter how much the aggressor blames her for everything.

Partners of verbal aggressors come to realize that no matter how they explain it, whatever they mean, it will never make the aggressor apologize for the rude tone. You will never hear from him: "I'm sorry that I yelled, broke." Partners know from their own experience that this will never happen and rather he will accuse them of all “mortal sins”, but deep down they hope that someday the time will come and the aggressor will understand his wrong. It is the hardest thing to give up this hope, but the experience of dealing with the aggressors shows that these are futile dreams that are not destined to come true.

Paradoxically, but hidden aggression in speech, which contributes to a decrease in the self-esteem of the victim, comes from the aggressor with his own personal problems - low or unreasonably high self-esteem and a bunch of inferiority complexes. Usually, the life credo of such people is: “Humiliate - rise!”, “Beat your own people so that strangers are afraid!”, “The best defense is an attack!” and much more.

Once again I want to turn to our lovely ladies and discuss the issue of the aggressive behavior of a man. What for? On the one hand, it has already boiled over, and I have long wanted to speak on this topic. On the other hand, day after day I am convinced that girls do not understand one obvious truth, and the truth on which their own happiness depends.

What do I mean by an aggressive man and by a man's aggressive behavior? In general, the same as many of my compatriots. In our Western world, saturated with tolerance and diplomacy, everything is considered aggression, from open physical conflict to ... persistent protection of one's own interests. And, of course, all this is “bad”. We were taught from childhood that well-behaved boys never be rude to their elders, never be rude to teachers, never offend girls, and never fight with boys. At the very least, they give up. Therefore, the manifestation of aggression is considered bad form. And that is why we have more than one generation of weakened, infantile and irresponsible men. But now that's not about it ... The point is that in certain situations boys should be aggressive, and they are taught not to do this under any circumstances.

As a result, rare in our time guys with a "animal", who still retained the ability to be aggressive, Every now and then they hear bewildered exclamations from their women: “Sasha, why are you using force?” or “Seryozha, why are you angry at me and yelling when I…?” or “I'm already afraid of you! I have a feeling that you are about to tear me to pieces…” — and the right feeling is :))) And, finally, an example of a phrase that struck me on the spot. She referred to the manifestation (quite fair) of a man's aggression towards another man, which the girl witnessed. As a result, something like “I don’t like your aggression, I don’t want an aggressive man next to me” sounded from the girl’s lips.

Dear, sweet, beautiful, beautiful and inspiring us to exploits and in general to the life of a Woman! I love you very much, respect and admire your femininity... But! I have to admit that many of you tend to live by the principle "and eat the fish and the sheep are safe." Of course, not only women live like this, and not all and not always. But if you do not accept his aggression in a man, you are already trying to eat that same fish ...

Enough preamble, let's get started. First, we will discuss the manifestation of aggression of a man in general, and then - against a woman.

Next to a real man you feel protected

Many women answer the question “who is a real man for you”: “the one with whom I feel secure.” Absolutely, fair. Here my male view completely coincides with the female one. It is clear that not only this determines the male "realness", but it is one of the main indicators.

Let's put aside religious "prejudices" and esoteric pseudoscience and turn to evolutionary Darwinists and ethologists. According to the concept of evolution, the way of life of the primitive human flock was forced to be like this: women and children were in a safe and “well-fed” place, and men “at the front” guarded this place from enemies, predators, and also provided families with food and other necessary resources.

Hence - the instinctive need for a man with whom "you feel protected and relaxed."

The defender is dangerous and aggressive

So, the basic natural function of a man is to ensure the safety of a woman. That is why you feel secure next to a real man, a real man just radiates it. Now let's ask ourselves the following questions: who is capable of providing security at all? What qualities does a man need to possess to provide for her? It's probably already clear what I'm getting at.

Only the person who is capable of being DANGEROUS can provide security.

I hope this is obvious and I won't go into details here. Move on. The danger is created, firstly, by armament. It can be a literal weaponry - the presence of a pistol, a knife or other means of self-defense, or a person in itself can be a weapon - to master the skills of hand-to-hand combat. Secondly, being armed, a person must be ready to use this weapon. In other words, a man must be mentally ready to show aggression, and for this you need to be aggressive from the beginning. I emphasize that an aggressive man is not the one who constantly vomits and tosses, but the one who sometimes, on the appropriate occasion, can manifest it, “turn it on”. Let us recall the well-known image of the king of beasts - the lion. Undoubtedly, this animal is aggressive. But the manifestation of aggression on his part can be seen quite rarely. Most of the time the lion is calm and shows aggression according to the principle of reasonable sufficiency.

The ability to show aggression in a man is something like knowing a foreign language. A Russian person lives among Russians, works in a Russian company, and communicates in Russian. But suddenly, on the street, a foreigner turned to him with a request to tell him the way to ... And the Russian answers in English, because he taught him both at school and at the institute. The ability to speak English is one of the skills that is used for its intended purpose. in a certain situation, and this does not mean at all that a person practices his “English” day and night. Similarly, the manifestation of aggression, only its manifestation is an innate ability, and a foreign language is acquired. But the very fact of having the ability is important, because its absence makes the male defender defenseless in certain life situations.

So, girls, if a man is not able to show aggression, he will not be able to protect himself, or you, or your children, or the Motherland.

Once on a forum on the Web I saw such a concise comment about this:

A man without aggression is a dead end branch of evolution.

Well, I have nothing to add :))

Aggression has many manifestations, it can be controlled and uncontrolled, destructive and healthy, direct and indirect, internal and external, verbal and physical, etc. Psychologists note the duality of aggression: it is both a negative, destructive manifestation of a person, and a central function of the personality, aimed at adapting to living conditions.

I am talking about the second option, I will repeat it in big bold letters:

AGGRESSION IS THE CENTRAL FUNCTION OF THE PERSON, AIMED TO ADJUST TO THE CONDITIONS OF LIFE.

I mean the controlled and dosed manifestation of aggression (initially, verbal and, in extreme cases, physical) in conflict situations, aimed at PROTECTING life, health, property or defending one's rights, preserving the independence and autonomy of one's personality. If you are interested in this topic, if your educators told you from childhood that aggression is bad and shameful, I recommend reading a book that comes in two versions of the title: “Aggression” or “The So-Called Evil”, by Konrad Lorenz.

In itself, it is unpleasant, and not only to others who are suddenly dipped into negativity, but also to the aggressors themselves. In fact, among the latter there are not so many clinical villains who enjoy splashing violent emotions on other people or objects. Normal people are also capable of such outbursts, but then they experience remorse, try to make amends for their guilt, and at least try to control themselves. Aggression is especially destructive in men, the reasons for this can be so far-fetched and strange that the existence of a problem becomes obvious to all participants in the situation.

Types and types of male aggression

It should be noted right away that negative emotions spilling out are not exclusively a male prerogative. Women are just as capable of being aggressors, they do not follow their actions and words. The paradox is that male aggression is partly considered socially acceptable. Of course, extreme manifestations are condemned, but there are many justifications for such a phenomenon as aggression in men. The reasons can be very diverse - from competition to health conditions.

Two main types of aggression, which are easily identified even by non-specialists:

• verbal, when the negative is expressed in a cry or frankly negative vocabulary;
• physical, when beatings, destruction, attempted murder take place.

With auto-aggression, the negative is directed at itself, manifesting itself as all kinds of destructive actions. The motto of this type of aggression is: "Let me be worse."

Psychologists classify what we are considering into several types according to the following criteria: method of manifestation, direction, causes, degree of expression. Self-diagnosis in this case is practically impossible, since in most cases the aggressor seeks self-justification, does not see and does not want to see the problem, and successfully shifts the blame onto others.

Verbal aggression

External manifestations of this type of aggression are quite expressive. It can be a furious cry, curses and curses. Often they are supplemented by gestural expression - a man can make insulting or threatening gestures, shake his fist, and swing. In the animal world, males actively use this type of aggression: who growls louder, then declares himself as the owner of the territory, it comes to outright fights much less often.

However, verbal aggression in men, the causes of which may lie both in mental health and in social pressure, is not so harmless. It destroys the psyche of those who are forced to live nearby. Children get used to the abnormal model of communication, absorb the pattern of paternal behavior as the norm.

physical aggression

An extreme form of aggressive behavior, when a person moves from screams and threats to active physical actions. Now it is not just a threatening swing of the fist, but a blow. A man is capable of causing serious injury to even the closest people, breaking or breaking personal belongings. Man behaves like Godzilla, and destruction becomes his main goal. It can be either a short explosion, literally for one blow, or a nightmare for many hours, which is why aggression in men is considered the most dangerous. The reasons are called very different - from "she provoked me" to "I'm a man, you can't make me angry."

Asking the question of how admissible this is, it is best to take the Criminal Code as a guide. It says in black and white that bodily harm of varying severity, attempted murder and intentional damage to personal property are all crimes.

Features of unmotivated male aggression

It is conditionally possible to divide manifestations of rage into motivated and unmotivated. One can understand and partially justify the aggression shown in the heat of passion. This is often referred to as "righteous anger". If someone offends the relatives of this man, encroaches on their life and health, then the aggressive response is at least understandable.

The problem is such attacks of aggression in men, the causes of which cannot be calculated at a glance. What got into him? I had just been a normal person, and suddenly they changed it! Witnesses of a sudden unmotivated rage that erupts in any form, verbal or physical, respond approximately like this. In fact, any act has a reason, explanation or motive, but they are not always on the surface.

Reasons or excuses?

Where is the line between reasons and excuses? As an example, we can cite such a phenomenon as the aggression of a man towards a woman. The reasons are often the most common attempts to justify themselves, to shift the blame to the victim: “Why was she late after work? She must be cheating, she needs to be shown the place!” aggression".

Behind such behavior can be both personal hatred for a certain person, and banal misogyny. If a man seriously considers women second-class people, then is it worth being surprised at the vicious attacks against them?

However, outbreaks of aggression can take place not because a man is just an evil type. In addition to far-fetched excuses, there are also serious factors that can be identified and eliminated.

Hormonal background

A significant proportion of aggressive manifestations falls on hormonal imbalance. Our emotions are largely determined by the ratio of the main hormones, a lack or excess can lead not only to violent outbursts, but also to severe depression, to a pathological lack of emotions and severe psychiatric problems.

Testosterone is traditionally considered a hormone not only of sexual desire, but also of aggression. About especially sharp and often they say “testosterone male”. A chronic deficiency leads to an increase in dissatisfaction, makes a person prone to negative manifestations. Outbreaks of aggression in men, the causes of which lie precisely in hormonal imbalances, must be treated. To do this, tests are given for the level of hormones, a disease is detected that has led to violations. Symptomatic treatment in this case brings only partial relief and cannot be considered complete.

Middle age crisis

If such cases have not been observed before, then sudden aggression in a 35-year-old man can most often be associated with the age of maximalism being left behind, and the man begins to weigh whether all the decisions made were really correct, whether it was a mistake. Literally everything falls into doubt: is this a family, is this a woman, is the right direction chosen in a career? Or maybe it was worth going to another institute and then marrying another, or not marrying at all?

Doubts and hesitation, a keen sense of missed opportunities - all this shatters the nervous system, reduces the level of tolerance and sociability. It begins to seem that there is still time to change everything in one jerk. Everyone around seemed to agree, they do not understand this spiritual impulse. Well, after all, they can be put in their place by force, since they do not understand good. Fortunately, the midlife crisis passes sooner or later. The main thing at the same time is to remember that periods of despondency are normal, but this is not a reason to break your life.

retirement depression

The second round of the age crisis overtakes men after retirement. Women most often endure this period easier - a solid part of everyday worries remains with them. But men who are accustomed to their profession as a central part of the life story begin to feel unnecessary, abandoned. Life stopped, the respect of others turned off along with the receipt of a pension certificate.

Aggression in men after 50 is closely related to attempts to shift the responsibility for a failed life onto others. At the same time, objectively, the man who suddenly caught the demon in the rib is all right, but there is a certain dissatisfaction. At the same time, all sorts of health problems, overwork, lack of sleep can be added - all these factors exacerbate the situation. Aggressive attacks begin to seem like a natural reaction to everything that happens.

Psychiatry or psychology?

To whom to go for help - to a psychologist or immediately to a psychiatrist? Many men are afraid of their aggressive impulses, not without reason fearing to do something irreparable. And it is very good that they are able to relatively soberly evaluate their actions and seek help from professionals. Who is involved in such a phenomenon as aggression in men? Causes and treatment are in the department of the psychiatrist exactly until he confirms that according to his profile the patient has no problems. This is precisely the correct approach to treatment by such a specialist: you can safely make an appointment without fear that you will be “dressed as crazy”. A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and he first checks to see if any completely physical factors affect the patient's psyche: hormones, old injuries, sleep disturbance. A psychiatrist can recommend a good psychologist if the patient does not have problems that require medication.

First step to problem solving

In many ways, the strategy for solving a problem depends on who exactly makes this decision. Aggression in a man ... What should a woman who is nearby, lives with him in the same house, brings up common children? Yes, of course, you can fight, convince, help, but if the situation develops in such a way that you have to constantly endure assault and risk losing your life, it is better to save yourself and save your children.

On the part of the man, the best first step is to admit that there is a problem. It is worth being honest with yourself: aggression is a problem that must be dealt with first of all by the aggressor himself, and not by his victims.

Possible consequences of aggression and complex work on oneself

We have to admit that in places of deprivation of liberty there are often prisoners who have precisely this vice - unreasonable aggression in men. Reasons need to be eliminated, but excuses have no power and weight. It is worth taking control of yourself, but not relying only on self-control. If the outbursts of rage are repeated, then the reason may lie in a violation of the hormonal balance. It can be overwork, depressive manifestations, as well as social pressure, an unbearable rhythm of life, age-related changes, some chronic diseases. Seeing a doctor is a sure step to help deal with destructive behavior. Separate the reasons from the excuses, this will help outline the initial plan of action, and soon life will sparkle with new colors.

Passive aggression is the behavior of a person in which he expresses his negative emotions in a socially acceptable form, in other words, suppression of anger occurs. A person can refuse to perform any action, he is dominated by pessimism and absolute inaction. In a moderate manifestation, such a phenomenon is normally tolerated by both the person himself and his environment.

But the ICD-10 also noted that there is a passive-aggressive personality disorder. That is, the constant suppression of anger and aggression as a result can lead to a pathological condition. Negative emotions must find a way out so that a person can be freed from psychological dirt.

Interestingly, this personality trait manifests differently in men and women. Hidden aggression in men is manifested by the following behavior:

In women, passive aggression is the spread of rumors, gossip, they do not seek to take responsibility for their own behavior. The fair sex with a passive-aggressive personality type wants to live the way they want it, do not tolerate various restrictions and submission. In the case of inactivity, they justify it with forgetfulness.

People with this type of aggression tend to:

• be afraid of responsibility;
• experience fear of addiction;
• try to find the culprit of the current problematic situation in order to blame him for his failures;
• quarrel with people around you in order not to let them near you;
• switch from a hostile attitude to repentance in their actions and thoughts;
• look gloomy;
• do not say "no" even in critical situations;
• avoid eye contact with the interlocutor;
• ignore appeals to them, the fulfillment of their own promises;
• discontent, sarcasm, contempt, irony and grumbling.

Some psychologists do not agree with the view that there is a special type of people with this behavior. They note that many people with these qualities grew up in conditions of disharmonic upbringing, irrational attitudes given to them in childhood by parents or other adults.

Let us consider in more detail what features of education lead to the development of passive aggression.

Causes of latent hostility

There are different periods of formation of such passive hostility, but in any case, passive-aggressive or assertive behavior is formed in the family, the place where the child learns to control his emotions. We will talk about assertiveness later, consider the factors that influence the formation of passive aggression in a person.

When does this behavior become pathological?

With pronounced manifestations of the symptoms of this behavior, it is considered a pathology and has a certain diagnosis. To make a diagnosis of passive-aggressive personality disorder, it is necessary to analyze the patient's behavior, if 5 criteria are similar to those listed below, then the person suffers from this mental disorder.

In this disorder, a person is characterized by other forms of dependence or manifestations of somatic disorders. Often such people are addicted to alcohol. Another comorbid psychiatric disorder is depression. In this case, antidepressants are used in addition to psychotherapy.

For the diagnosis of mental pathology, the emotional severity of the symptoms of the disorder is extremely important. In its manifestations, it is very similar to hysterical and borderline disorders. But passive-aggressive disorder is not as emotionally expressed as the mentioned pathologies.

Living with passive-aggressive people

Living with such people is quite difficult, since at any moment they can let you down, take a person out of inner balance, shift responsibility at the most inopportune moment.

Conflicts inevitably arise in a married couple, since not everyone can withstand prolonged neglect, indifference and the burden of double responsibility for themselves and a passive-aggressive spouse. In married life, it is important for partners to agree and understand each other. If they are determined to build relationships, they will work on their character traits. But in case of loss of initial feelings, the spouses urgently need to contact a specialist so as not to bring each other to neurosis, irritation and nervous exhaustion. In the process of psycho-correction, a passive-aggressive person learns to adequately evaluate himself, his behavior, control his actions and adequately perceive the people around him.

Correction of passive-aggressive behavior

The fight against passive-aggressive personality disorder begins with psychotherapy. In some cases, the use of antidepressants is indicated, they are especially relevant in case of too pronounced melancholic behavior of the individual, a suicidal threat. It should be noted that by threatening suicide, a person can also manipulate relatives or a psychotherapist. Such a reaction should be interpreted as an expression of anger, and not depression about the loss of love from relatives. Therefore, the psychotherapist should direct the person to a more adequate expression of angry reactions.

Behavior with hidden aggression is devoid of assertiveness. Passivity in the expression of aggression (if any) appears due to the person's acceptance of the role of a victim (and everyone owes him, as a weak one) or a manipulator (and everyone owes him, as a strong one). The psychotherapist has an important task to formulate a new setting in behavior - assertiveness - the ability of a person to make decisions independently, be able to say "no", not depend on external conditions, assessments and influences, be responsible for decisions and behavior. In the new role of an assertive person, the principles of passive-aggressive behavior are replaced by adequate communication with the message: “I don’t owe anything to another, and the other person doesn’t owe me anything, we are partners to each other.”

Treating passive-aggressive disorders is difficult because the patient is not motivated to do so. It is very difficult to establish the right relationship between the therapist and the patient to achieve a therapeutic effect. If the doctor yields to covert manipulators, the treatment will fail. If the patient's demands are denied, psychotherapeutic contact may be lost. To work effectively with such patients, a highly qualified specialist is required.

Of all the psychological approaches, the cognitive-behavioral one is the most effective. In the process of therapy with the techniques of this approach, the patient realizes what the social consequences of his passive-aggressive behavior can be.

Group and individual work is carried out to train coping (coping behavior), social skills are developed. If the client has taken a defensive, oppositional stance, this can also be used by the therapist. For the desired result of therapy, it is necessary to give instructions opposite to what he wants to achieve.

Tips for communicating with such people:

• in working relationships, it is necessary to clearly monitor the actions of a passive-aggressive colleague;
• do not rely on such people in responsible tasks;
• no need to get involved in their manipulation games;
• in the family, sometimes it is necessary to involve a qualified specialist with severe symptoms;
• avoid joint performance of a responsible task;
• it is necessary to firmly convey a different, alternative point of view;
• to remain calm during confrontation so that a person sees that it is not so easy to piss off others.