Psychologists have found that people who ask the question “I can’t find a job, what should I do?” Are psychologically very vulnerable. Dismissal and the inability to find a new place for yourself in a short period of time is the strongest stress factor that will certainly leave a negative mark in the soul of every person. Protracted unemployment at its initial stage threatens with a shock.

A person has a feeling of confusion and anger at former bosses. However, at the next stage, the unemployed begins to look for the positive aspects of his condition. Of course, in the absence of work, there is no need to get up early and spend most of the day at work. In addition, all production problems become distant. A person who until relatively recently was considered a super-busy hard worker begins to have a lot of free time. However, the euphoria wears off very soon. The person begins to wonder: “I just can’t find a job, what should I do?” Depression becomes his constant companion. At the same time, there is a painful feeling of lack of demand and lack of prospects. This condition is exacerbated by financial distress.

Of course, the situation described above is very average. Each specific case has its own specifics. After all, it happens that a person does not at all ask the question “I can’t find a job, what should I do?” He is quite comfortable at home, where an atmosphere of sympathy and support from relatives and household members is created. Such a person simply lacks the motivation that would make him get off the couch and seriously take up his own employment.

However, it is worth remembering that long-term unemployment threatens not only poverty. It leads a person to a loss of qualification and, accordingly, to the degradation of a person who does not have the habit of working. Anyone who does not even ask the question “I can’t find a job, what should I do?” Should remember that there are certain laws in life. According to one of them, everything that does not work will certainly begin to gradually die off.

The danger of dismissal

A long period of unemployment threatens not only the loss of professionalism. Potential employers are suspicious of those professionals in whose track record there is a fundamental gap. Some employees of the personnel department, considering the resume of a candidate for a vacant position who has not worked for a long time, decide that he simply was not needed by anyone, and their company for him is nothing more than a place where he can temporarily “stumble”. And, of course, there is hardly a firm that wants to become a haven for losers.

Sometimes a person asks the question: “I can’t find a good job, what should I do?” In such a situation, tactical flexibility will be required. Often, those employees who are accustomed to a certain status reject vacancies for lower than they expected positions with less pay than they had. However, such a person needs to be aware of the fact that, despite his qualifications, the labor market today cannot offer the right vacancy. Therefore, you need to reduce your appetite, pacify pride and cling to the existing work. This will give a chance to soon return to their previous positions.

Respect for professionalism

Psychologists advise not to react to dismissal as a result of incompetence. Most likely, managers simply cut the company's costs in connection with the difficulties that have arisen. The fault of the employee in this case, most likely, is absent, and it is worth remembering that a true professional will always find a new job for himself. The main thing is not to lose self-respect, and not to compare yourself with a poor loser who is mercilessly beaten by life. Successful people always, even in the most difficult situations, are able to maintain an optimistic attitude. Anyone who asks the question “I can’t find a job, what should I do?” Doesn’t need to focus on the obstacles that stand in the way of achieving the goal. Attention should be paid only to the opportunity provided by an unplanned timeout, which will allow you to rise to a higher level.

Work according to the received profession

Today, every third inhabitant of our country faces the problem: “I can’t find a job in my specialty, what should I do?” How to solve this difficult task?

Often this problem is faced by recent graduates of universities and colleges who have no work experience. All large companies want to hire employees who do not need practical training. Such unemployed should look for employers who believe that it is easier to work with a beginner than to retrain a professional to suit the needs and requirements of their firm. Fortunately, this approach is becoming more and more popular. There are statistics, according to which 66% of employers are ready to accept an inexperienced candidate into their staff. Their only requirement is to successfully pass the test and evaluation interview.

What can you advise to those who face the problem "I can not find a job"? Careful preparation for interviews should be carried out. This will allow you to establish yourself as a promising specialist that the company needs. However, you should not start with large organizations. Without experience, it is easier to get a job in a small company with a low salary. After working in it for one or two years, you can safely send your resume to a more prestigious company.

Psychological attitude

Anyone who complains: “I can’t find a good job!” Should clear his mind of the harmful stereotypes that are in it. They are the cause of the confused will and the closing of the horizon of professional prospects. All this does not allow a person to actively act in the right direction.

For example, many of those who complain “I can’t find a job for a long time!” Believe that all good places are already taken, and they can only be taken by acquaintance. Such reasoning becomes psychological destructive attitudes. You should definitely get rid of them. Real life presents many examples of how people who do not have the necessary acquaintances occupied enviable positions in prestigious companies. Skeptics will explain such luck as ordinary luck. However, here it is more appropriate to rely on some laws of successful employment.

There are many negative stereotypes that prevent a person from finding a good job. However, it is worth remembering that a chance appears only when people are ready to use it. After all, many of those unemployed who complain “I can’t find a job for a long time” perceive themselves as losers, and not in demand, successful and highly paid specialists. Often the main cause of the problem lies not in the situation that has developed in the labor market, the lack of the necessary diploma or the arrogance of the employer. Many people cannot solve the issue of employment because of their barrier thinking.

Determination to act

Experts believe that many of those who ask themselves the question “I just can’t find a job, what should I do?” Are insufficiently enterprising and indecisive candidates. The quickest fix is ​​achieved by the one who vigorously tries to fix the situation. It is those people who prefer not to wait for a suitable vacancy, but look for it themselves, transfer their consciousness to a business wave.

What can experts recommend to those who seek advice with the words: “I can’t find a job for a long time, what should I do?” First of all, it is worth overcoming your own laziness and breaking out of the boundaries of a calm and safe haven, in which a person most likely hid after being fired. Do not be afraid of lack of strength. Practice proves that a positive person has enough energy for everything.

The unemployed should also draw up a detailed plan of their actions, outlining specific steps in it, while planning each day. Depending on the situation, the program can be adjusted.

It will be necessary to act massively and intensively. In this case, all possible ways of obtaining the necessary information about a potential employer should be used. Remember that three resumes sent to different companies within a week is not a serious job search at all. This is just an attempt to calm yourself and create the appearance of a solution to the problem.

If a person asks the question “I just can’t find a job, what should I do?”, He should be assertive and arrogant in a good way. Pride, aristocracy and modesty are qualities that are good for those who already have a warm place with a green career corridor prepared from their student days. The rest will have to make a lot of efforts to reverse the current situation in their favor. That is why you should not be afraid to call the personnel departments of companies and inquire there about available vacancies. Along with an active job search, it is worth attending professional presentations and exhibitions. These events provide an opportunity to meet potential employers.

Resume writing

Active job searches should begin with the distribution of a document to the personnel departments of companies, which is a source of information about your strengths, and sometimes weaknesses. In this case, the summary must be properly composed. Do not clutter it with a huge list of your past achievements and merits. Such text will be more like an obituary. It is desirable to include business proposals that are interesting for the employer in the resume. Even the candidate who has “gaps” in his work biography will be of interest to the employer if he feels like a person who does not need to be brought up to date for a long time. Preference will always be given to a specialist who has profitable ideas and is ready to implement them.

It happens that a person sent a large number of resumes to different companies. However, he continues to complain: “I can’t find a job for a year, what should I do?” This may mean that the resume is not written correctly. It is likely that this document contains a lot of water or does not correspond to a specific vacancy. If a potential employer refused to get a job, then you should ask the reason for such a response. This will help to draw appropriate conclusions and correct mistakes made in the resume.

They may be:
- the presence of template and repetitive phrases about your achievements, responsibilities and positions;
- lack of constructive information;
- chronological confusion;
- the presence of spelling and grammatical errors.

Do not send resumes to various vacancies, which reflect all the available work experience. Emphasis should be placed only on the knowledge that corresponds to the potential position.

A gross mistake when sending a resume is the neglect of writing a cover letter. The employer is likely to pay attention to the applicant who expressed appreciation for the invitation to the interview.

Having sent a resume, do not neglect the opportunity to call the ad. This should be done in cases where the employer has indicated his phone number. It is worth preparing for this conversation, as it can become an initial interview.

The vagueness of desires

Sometimes a person complains: "I can't find a job for a month." The problem is not solved in the future. Sometimes this happens due to the fact that the applicant has little idea of ​​what kind of work he needs. As a result, he engages in aimless searches that do not bring any results. To solve the problem as soon as possible, it is worth deciding what you want from the vacancy, what level of salary you are applying for, etc.

External factors

Sometimes a person cannot quickly get a job for reasons beyond his control. One of them is the seasonality that exists in the labor market. According to statistics, the peak of the search for suitable vacancies falls on spring and autumn. In winter and summer periods, companies are less actively looking for employees. This is due to the large number of holidays, the holiday season and some other reasons.

Reaching out to friends

Those who are looking for work should not neglect friendly help. Perhaps acquaintances know of any vacancies, and they will be able to help with employment. Many companies are happy to take on vacant positions those who were recommended by their employees.

Material above all?

Of course, an important point in the selection of vacancies is the level of wages. The fact that this moment is, as a rule, decisive, is known not only by the applicant, but also by the employer. However, it should be borne in mind that the employer will not focus on a specialist who is only interested in monetary rewards. And if you have one unsuccessful interview after another, then you should think about the emphasis that you put on the expected salary level. Any employer will consider an unreliable candidate the person who puts personal finances above the interests of work. Companies must be promoted, and for this the entire team must be concerned about the success of the common cause.

Finding a job as the head of the family

There are different situations in life. It happens that the financial support of the family falls entirely on women's shoulders. “My husband can't find a job. What to do?" - this question worries many representatives of the weaker sex. First of all, do not despair and try to accept the situation. At the same time, it is necessary to reduce the importance of this issue. Indeed, otherwise the spouse will despair more and more every day, psychologically closing all the existing work settings.

The husband cannot find a job... What should the wife do about this? Encourage your soulmate and start believing in his success. You should also increase the self-esteem of a loved one and express faith in his strength. At the same time, it is worth instilling in your husband that your children need his work. It should also be borne in mind that a woman must certainly support her husband, giving him hope for a speedy resolution of the problem. At the same time, conversations about work should not be constant and contain reproaches. It is best if the desired topic in such situations is touched upon as if in passing.

How to encourage an adult son to look for work?

All parents look forward to their children growing up. But now the school and student years are over, and the grown-up son cannot find a job. What to do in this case?

The reasons that lead to this situation are different. However, their basis lies in the lack of a sense of care for loved ones, independence and responsibility for committed actions. A matured child still believes that his parents will help him find a job, give him money if necessary, and provide him with everything he needs. And then mothers and fathers begin to think: “An adult guy cannot find a job, what should I do to change the situation?” Of course, it is already too late to engage in the upbringing of a young man, but there are some tricks, the use of which will help get rid of an urgent problem.

First of all, it is worth sharing the responsibility and starting to look at the son as an adult. In this case, you should draw up an estimate of expenses for the month, which will include all costs, including utilities. Here you will need to go for a little trick and tell your son that your salary has been reduced. An adult man must understand that he will also be responsible for paying the bills. The main thing in this matter is to show firmness.

Another incentive will be to support the job search initiative. And it is worth showing joy even with the smallest successes in this process.

If you follow all these simple tips, then you can solve the main problem, which is to instill responsibility in an already grown-up son. For a guy, this will be a great incentive to look for a job.

Question to the psychologist:

Good afternoon. I already have a very deep depression, constant thoughts about the meaning of further existence, suicide. I'm only holding on because of my parents. Repeatedly imagined his funeral, the grief of his parents, sobbed and found the strength to hold on. This situation has been around for about a year, but the prerequisites began to appear two years ago.

Previously, I had a prestigious job in one of the best companies in the capital, respect in the team, recognition, success. Rested in good foreign resorts. I had many admirers. Wherever I went, there was always increased attention from the opposite sex. All this gave rise to a "star fever" in me. I felt like some kind of alpha male who can do anything, a demigod.

But there was one "but". It seemed to many girls that I was not developing and that with my capabilities I could achieve maximum success, become a millionaire, etc. At first I didn't pay attention to this chatter, but every day I was sneered: "You can achieve great things", "Why are you still not a millionaire?", "You need to find a better job", etc. It got to the point where I was embarrassed to show up at work. In short, a few girls praised me so much and turned me on, zombified me so much that I decided to quit my job and start achieving "big success". They barely let me go from work, they said that everything would fall apart without me. This pissed me off even more. So something depended on me! I am needed!

But! When I quit, rested for several months and started looking for a new job, I faced the fact that no one would hire me!! They don’t respond to resumes when I get to interviews - they don’t call back. And it's been about two years now! A year and a half ago, the previous boss persuaded me to return, but freelance. I thought that I would work part-time at the previous place and search. Everything would be fine, but there was very little work there (crisis), and other employers do not need me.

Still, a year and a half ago, my beloved refused to marry me, although she had previously agreed. A year ago, as a result of an unskilled medical intervention, I received an injury due to which my life deteriorated dramatically.

And now I'm sitting at home with poor health, a broken heart and no job. Sometimes they call to the previous place to earn extra money, but this is very little.

Can't understand why other employers can't consider me?

I fell into depression and constant anxiety. Stopped sleeping well. I was told that the way out is to find a job and a girlfriend. But I can't!!! Vicious circle.

I am visited by thoughts that one of the girls jinxed me, caused damage.

Perhaps out of jealousy or envy.

It just doesn't fit in my head, how could everything have collapsed like this?

I want to go to the "grandmother", maybe he will see the evil eye?

Life energy gradually dries up. With each new refusal to work, hands are lowered more and more ...

The psychologist Panina Irina Nikolaevna answers the question.

Hello Sergey.

I empathize with you in your condition. I am glad that the thought of your parents (and I will tell you more, the thought of your unborn children and thoughts of other imperfect plans) supports you and gives you support.

Yes, now everything is not "ice" for you. It could have been much better. However, it could have been much worse. It depends on what you compare it to.

In your time, you were a brilliant young man with a booming career and good fortune.

You say "evil eye"... Eh... as the devilish figures say in some films, "Vanity is the most beloved sin."

Let's reason soberly and even harshly. Like a woman with a man.

You write:

"Can't understand why other employers can't consider me?"

And who reviewed you BEFORE that?

Girls? And who else?

You write that it was the girls who, as if by agreement, predicted a bright future for you in free swimming.

How could they (these dolls) know, actually KNOW what exactly you can handle and what you are capable of? What do you want?

It was THEM who wanted to go to bed (sorry) with a millionaire.

Did any of them offer you a JOINT project?

Any project?

You listened to the flattering speeches of unfamiliar, but trying to please you girls, and went nowhere. From a warm place.

On the other hand, such "pendels of fate" teach the mind-reason very well and add experience. At least understand people, at least understand for the future that it would be necessary to lay straws when you jerk sharply through life.

You, still a very young person, have a real chance to think and draw conclusions. You have powers. Since you are writing here, I understand that it’s hard for you, it’s bad, you can say so, but you sat down in front of the monitor at the “clave” and typed this text. For this you have great respect.

As they say, for one beaten they give two not beaten (yes, it doesn’t hurt to take it) ...

You need to understand exactly what conclusions you can draw from the current situation. And what kind of "lemonade" can you make from the "lemon of fate" that fell out to you.

NOT hiring you?

Create your own jobs. You wanted, it seems, free swimming?

Has your lover abandoned you?

It's good that it happened now. Imagine you would give birth to children with her, and then you would find out that she is not with you out of love ...

Received a health injury. Of course, this is not good. Have you taken up litigation or community service to improve health care? Perhaps there, in this area, "lies" both your career and your money?

Regarding refusals at work .... Yes, with each failure you are more and more .... fade .. And this can become a vicious circle, because you non-verbally broadcast yourself to people (employers), presenting yourself as a loser.

A vicious circle - feel sorry for yourself so that people will tell you later about "how pathetic you are." Only YOU can take care of yourself, others will behave with you as YOU let them.

Finding a girl... in my opinion, this was not your problem in those days when you had a job and money.

Get back on your feet and you will choose among the girls who will fly in again to twitter flattering speeches for you.

This is where you will be (probably) smarter.

Since your parents are support for you, stay with them, remember your childhood, what you were fond of, what you wanted and what you dreamed about. What did they play.

Think about your acquaintances, connections. Who can help you really now with work (with earnings)? How to ask him about it? What to offer in return?

I believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you so desire.

5 Rating 5.00 (27 votes)

I can't find a job - what should I do?
Dedicated to tired travelers of a fruitless job search

Let's immediately discard the boring explanations such as a bad resume, incorrect behavior at an interview, the wrong method of finding a job.

I suggest looking deeper. These explanations are not the cause of not finding a job, but the result of deeper processes that actually affect the job search.

Why can't I find a job?

Reason 1

1.1. Substitution of concepts

The substitution of concepts can be the cause of a long and fruitless job search. When the need to work is perceived roughly as “an act of coercion from a lack of money, status”, an effort on oneself.

This happens when a person undertakes to perform work without complying with his natural properties and desires.

In order to somehow reconcile themselves with this effort, people rationalize why they are looking for such a job. Good salary, it pleases with the size. Nice team, opportunity for career growth, learning new things. When there are no such loopholes for getting pleasure from work, they quit their job and again find themselves in a state of search.

1.2. Correction instructions

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains that a person is the principle of pleasure. Happiness is the goal of every individual's life. If a person is not starving in the literal sense of the word, then the thought of another such effort nullifies the energy for its search. Man does not want to move in the absence of pleasure.

Moreover, it is not necessarily realized. A person can stubbornly look for a job, but the inner unconscious reluctance to "strain" again does not allow her to find it. So it turns out - sometimes the conditions are not satisfied, then the interview did not pass.

To live without pleasure and consider it the norm is not the norm. You can choose a job that will bring pleasure only by understanding your qualities, your properties. I propose to start with free lectures on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. I can assure you that if you belong to the category of people with the described perception of work, then after a few lectures you will be surprised to understand what kind of implementation gives you joy.

Reason 2

2.1. stereotypes

The opinion about what activity is now in trend overshadows the real professional inclinations of a person. Well, if your inclinations coincide with the current fashion. And if not?

This factor is greatly underestimated. We are so saturated with the idea of ​​a successful job option offered by society that we sincerely consider it our calling! It happens that there is no chance to realize the mistake on your own. There is a dissonance - it seems that you have a dream job, but internally you feel torture. Our body can even “hint” to us about our wrong choice with psychosomatic manifestations.

As a result, a situation arises - I want to work, but I can not find a job. During the next search, the unconscious plays a joke with our conscious intentions and does not allow us to get a job under various pretexts that are not directly related to hostility to the type of activity.

2.2. Correction instructions

If you can’t find a job for a long time, then it is likely that you are deceived by common stereotypes and are looking for something that does not match your individual innate properties.

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan for the first time differentiates the principle of human pleasure and desire into eight vectors. Understanding his vector set, a person can see the methods and means for the best implementation of his innate properties.

Moreover, you should not take someone's word for it, considering it as another stereotype. System-vector psychology is not a set of statements, but an exact science of causal relationships in the mental. You do not need to make an internal effort to adapt yourself to the proposed directions for the implementation of innate properties, as is the case with adjusting the psyche to generally accepted stereotypes. You seem to be allowing yourself to be yourself!

At this stage, it becomes obvious who I can naturally work with. You can formulate specific characteristics of the desired position.

Reason 3

3.1. Calling - self-deception or reality

Recently, the idea has appeared that each person has his own vocation, which is at the intersection of talent, professionalism and high wages. And many people have been looking for this very vocation all their lives, but they can’t find it. Or they are waiting for the vocation to invite itself to visit. What to do?

3.1. Correction instructions

Indeed, the idea of ​​finding a job of your dreams that matches your innate desires and qualities is true.
Here again it is necessary to understand yourself exactly - how can you realize your qualities in the best way?

I can give an example of a personal acquaintance who consciously chose the profession of a street cleaner. He rides a tractor and feels happy. Proudly and with pleasure brings cleanliness. No kidding. In accordance with the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, lovers of respect and purity are people with an anal vector. In the implemented version, these are always professionals in their field, whether they choose the work of a professor or a cleaner. They do everything carefully and perfectly, do not tolerate fuss.

Another friend of mine also, at the call of the soul, became a tram driver. He revels in the quiet tinkle of the tram in the night silence of the city squares and feels useful. In his spare time, he also writes poetry. This is a representative of the sound vector, for which the real pleasure is night, silence and the possibility of reflection. This is how his abstract intellect is arranged, designed by its nature to solve the corresponding abstract problems.

And people with a skin vector easily make deals, cope with a large number of tasks. Speed ​​is their advantage. Routine and monotony do not suit them.

One of my close friends could not get a job for a long time. Nothing suited, nothing inspired. At the same time, she has been involved in charity work for many years. She invests herself and collects donations from a huge circle of her friends, buying quite expensive things for children with disabilities. She manages to deliver strollers for children with cerebral palsy from Germany free of charge, negotiating with tourists - friends of friends - who travel from there. And he takes nothing for his work!

At some point, she realized that this was her calling. And that if necessary, she will be able to turn her passion into work. Sensitive and compassionate girl with vision vector. Cheerful and emotional, creating trusting relationships and emotional ties with such a huge circle of people that organizing charity is not a big deal for her - all friends are ready to help at the first call.

Everything is very individual.

If, as part of your hobby, you have developed to the level of a professional, then making money in this business is possible for you.

“For a whole year I have not been able to get a job,” says Marina. - And the point is not the lack of offers, but the fact that I run away from the interviews to which I am invited. I graduated from the university, but I don’t want to work in my specialty - I feel incompetent. Therefore, I consider any offers and am ready to work as a secretary, waitress, bartender, realtor. But when I am scheduled for an interview, I reach the meeting place, and after about five minutes such fear rolls over me that I just run away. When I finally forced myself to pass the interview, I was offered a job, but because of a vague fear, I refused it. It’s very important for me to figure out what scares me so much.”

Alexander Badkhen: Please describe the fear you are talking about.

Marina: It is similar to the feeling of helplessness and horror that one feels in childhood when faced with something incredibly scary. At first I thought that I was afraid to turn into "office plankton", to become something gray and faceless. But then I realized that this is not the point: after all, you can find an interesting job that does not depersonalize, but on the contrary, gives a sense of its significance, brings joy.

And what is surprising is that in my student years I had to earn extra money, and then I calmly got any job, it didn’t scare me at all. Whom I just didn’t work: as a waitress, translator, street animator! Now I can't get anywhere at all.

- That is, after you graduated from the university, received a diploma, did you have some new feeling that hinders you when applying for a job?

- Not really. It happened before. In my last year at the university, I saw that many guys are slowly beginning to fill their hand: they are trying to work in their profession, but I did not do this. It seemed to me that I still knew so little, that I could do so little. I did not dare to start working on my own.

- What were you afraid of then?

- I dont know.

- And what is the reason for your refusal of a profession that you studied for several years?

- My specialty is working with people, and in this I do not feel competent and I am very afraid that I can make some kind of gross mistake, harm a person, hurt him.

I do not feel competent and I am very afraid that I can make some kind of gross mistake, harm a person, hurt him

- Have you finally abandoned the idea of ​​​​working in your specialty?

- Somewhere in the depths of my soul, the desire remained: I follow magazine publications, read books by profession, but I could not work - I feel very insecure. When I, for example, had an internship in a kindergarten, working with children did not cause me any particular difficulties. But for some reason it was very difficult for me to write and draw up work plans and reports. All the time it seemed that I was wrong about something. It was then that I felt that I could not work in my specialty.

- How many work-related things cause you fear. You said that your feelings are similar to the feeling of horror and helplessness that you experienced as a child.

- Yes.

- What scared you so much then?

- (Thoughtfully.) My father terrified me the most: he could get very angry for no reason at all. I remember his screams and angry expression very well. I could not understand what was happening: just that everything was quiet, calm, and suddenly he got annoyed, started yelling. Now I understand that he was tired at work, nervous. But then it really was terrible.

- When he started screaming, how did you explain the change in his behavior?

- I thought it was a reaction to me, to my behavior. I just couldn't figure out what I did wrong. And still at night, when sleep is not particularly strong, I can suddenly wake up, because I hear the echo of his scream.

- Did you feel completely defenseless next to a formidable and frightening father?

- Yes, and I never learned to fence myself off from him, to defend myself.

- Is the emotional state you're in right now when you go to work similar to that little girl's experience?

- Yes. Is very similar.

- When you say this now, how do you feel?

- Confusion and surprise.

- What surprises you?

- That failure to find a job may be related to childhood experiences. My parents are divorced, but my father and I always talked, and now we have a good relationship. Of course, childhood grievances remained, but I could not even imagine that they had such an impact on my life. My parents separated when I was 14 years old. And for my father it was a very difficult period, then for the first time I saw him crying. Before that, I could not imagine at all that he felt something.

- You had no idea that he was a vulnerable, vulnerable person. Previously, you felt that he was only a threat. And then suddenly you saw him weak...

- Yes. But at the same time, he began to do just disgusting things. My parents divorced because my mother left for another man. When my father came by car to pick me up from school, he began to drive me around the city and tell me: here your mother met this man, and here too. It was terrible, but I was afraid to stop him, because he was in such a state that he could yell at me or even hit me.

For some reason, I avoid the memories of my father. They are like a room that is always closed to me.

- You had to drive with him around the city and listen to him, which hurt you very much.

- Yes, and besides, I couldn't get out of the car and walk - it was dangerous. We lived then in one of the countries of Latin America, and alone I could simply not reach the house. For some reason, I avoid the memories of my father. They are like a room that is always closed to me.

- You had no way out, you were trapped.

- And yet, I always spent more time with my father than my older sister. On the one hand, I was afraid of him, but I always tried to win his love. When we were together, I constantly told him something and all the time followed the expression on his face - I wanted him to smile, laugh.

- You wanted to make him laugh, you wanted to see some kind of warm feelings on his face, and not just that frightening expression that you talked about.

- Yes, that's probably what I was aiming for. I wanted to see a warm, sincere reaction to my words.

- What is happening to you now when you think about it?

- I see everything clearly. In general, I like to remember that time, but for some reason, it is these memories of my father that I bypass, avoid them. They are like a room that always remains closed.

- And now you have allowed yourself to look into it.

- Yes, just look - I would not dare to go. Although it would be interesting for me to try to do this, but also scary. And now I have only one thought: it is better not to do this, let the room remain closed.

- Do I understand correctly that there are areas in your life (you have an image of a room) that are not safe to look into, but at the same time there is something that can somehow influence your life?

- This is probably true, but, to be honest, before meeting you, I could not even imagine that this was possible. And now I feel that one is connected with the other, indeed such a connection exists.

- Tell me how it might be related.

- I have always been interested in the “father theme”, I even wrote a term paper on it at the university. I wanted to develop it further, but did not meet with the support of teachers and quickly gave up.

- But you wanted to explore this topic, maybe in order to sort out your relationship with your father.

- This was the main incentive. Because I know my father's habits well, I can guess how he will react in this or that situation. But in fact, I still don't know him. He is still the same “closed” person for me.

- Like a room.

- Yes, like a room that is closed with a huge number of locks. And I wanted to understand what he was like, what kind of relationship we had in the family. Deeply and seriously understand this. After all, I always perceived him as much higher than myself: authoritative, inaccessible, controlling, and perhaps that is why I so wanted to win his love.

(After a pause.) Perhaps work also plays such a role for me? Maybe she is that authoritative, controlling, inaccessible thing that needs to be conquered? And now I think: it is probably worth it to overcome your fear and look into this closed room in order to understand what is in it.

Any permanent job becomes such a controlling factor for you that can deprive you of your freedom, make you dependent

- That is, you admit that, perhaps, it makes sense to sort out your memories so that they stop influencing you and you can choose your own path in life.

- Yes, because the worst thing about looking for a job is that I do not control my emotions: I run away from the interview and only then I realize that I was actually scared. Maybe if you open this door, no longer defend yourself from childhood memories, but analyze them, it will help me understand and manage my emotions and fears. And besides, it will help not to feel so vulnerable to something that could potentially control me, as my father did.

- You feel vulnerable to everything that can control you. And any permanent work becomes for you such a controlling factor that can deprive you of freedom, make you dependent, and you unconsciously run away from it in order to escape this absorbing force. It's like you don't have access to your own resources to support you.

- It turns out that way.

- And, on the other hand, you spend years studying, but you are afraid to start working in your specialty. You say: "I successfully completed the internship, but there were reports to be drawn up, and I was afraid to make a mistake." That is, you do not believe that you can master this science of reporting.

- (Laughs.)

- You don't seem to trust yourself at all.

- Yes, I live with the feeling that I will definitely make a mistake.

- Necessarily! That is, you not only do not trust yourself, but are even sure that you will be mistaken.

- (Laughs.) Yes. That's exactly how I feel, unfortunately.

- That's exactly the feeling. You said that you would like to sort through your memories, explore your feelings. It seems to me that this intention is worth supporting in yourself. And for this, find an opportunity and work with a psychotherapist. It seems to me that it will not be easy for you to do this on your own precisely because you do not trust yourself.

- (Laughs.) Yes, it is logical.

In the interests of privacy, the name and some personal details have been changed.

P.S

Alexander Badkhen:“The feeling of fear protects us. Thanks to him, the instinct of self-preservation is triggered, and we can choose the best way to behave in order to protect ourselves, for example. Irrational fear is more difficult. It seems inappropriate, ridiculous, limits our possibilities, it is what Marina feels when she tries to get a job.

But even this seemingly completely “useless” fear has a meaning, although it does not lie on the surface. Like an iceberg that reveals only a small part of what is hidden under water, Marina's fear begins very deep in her past, in her relationship with her father.

Many traumas and internal conflicts arise in childhood. With the help of psychological defense mechanisms, you can cope with these painful experiences. But at some point, a life situation may awaken them again, and then, in order to cope with this fear, the support of a specialist may be required. Marina needs the help of a psychotherapist in order to cope with the “father theme”. I think she understands that."

Marina (in a month):“This meeting gave me the opportunity to look at the situation from the outside and understand what my fear consists of and how it “works”. The psychotherapist helped me touch very painful childhood experiences, which I was even afraid to remember. It's a big step for me to face a frightening past locked away somewhere in the back of my mind.

I haven’t found a job yet, but I’ve begun to take a different approach to finding one and feel a little more confident in interviews. Now I know at least what is happening to me, what I am really afraid of. In July, I begin a course of psychotherapy, because I know that it is very difficult to cope with fears on your own.

About the expert

Alexander Badkhen - psychotherapist, one of the founders of the Institute of Psychotherapy and Counseling "Harmony". Author of the book "Lyrical Philosophy of Psychotherapy".

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The situation when a young person who seems to have a profession in demand, cannot find a job for a long time, unfortunately, is not uncommon. At the same time, there is a feeling that, they say, no one understands me and no one needs me. This state of affairs, of course, cannot suit and satisfy: each of us wants to feel needed and significant. Lack of work for a long time undermines faith in their own prospects. It seems that nothing good will happen in life. In addition, it is much harder for a man to experience a situation when he cannot find a job. If a woman has the opportunity to hide behind the upbringing of children, focus on the family and hope for a spouse, then the stronger sex does not have such an advantage. A man wants to feel needed in the profession, only then he is truly happy. This article discusses the feelings of a person who cannot professionally realize himself for a significant time, and suggests ways to solve the problem. What can you do when you are haunted by only failures?

The essence of the problem

It is not always possible to find a job as easily and simply as it seems. Sometimes weeks and months pass and the situation does not change. It seems that you did not graduate from the institute yesterday and have quite acceptable knowledge, but for some reason employers are in no hurry to notice you. Of course, this situation is depressing and makes you suffer. Thoughts begin to appear that, they say, since they don’t take me to the desired position, it means that I am not capable of anything. Do not rush to make hasty conclusions, do not torment yourself in vain. Perhaps you yourself are not very actively looking for a job? In any case, it is necessary to show perseverance and interest. When a person prefers to close himself in his problem, luck also turns away. Often a person who cannot find a job develops depression, but he has no idea how to get out of it. Such a decisive step requires self-confidence and a bold look into the future.

Diploma

By itself, the document on graduation does not say anything. There are many people who have successfully completed their studies, but have not been able to settle in life. To do this, you need to have a mobile mind and high aspirations, and most importantly, to clearly understand where to move on. Refuse to think that supposedly they are not interested in me. It is important to have a specific goal in front of you, then it will be easier to achieve it. Life often gives us opportunities, but do we use them correctly? Someone runs away as soon as he sees a tempting offer, others consider themselves unworthy to respond to an interesting job advertisement. Some people do not need a diploma at all in order to realize their potential, for this you need to have creative thinking and be always ready to show your best side. How many are capable of it? Hardly. Most of us miss our chances, and this is repeated many times.

The presence of a diploma is not an indicator, but only an opportunity, an additional step towards one's own development. The document cannot serve as a guarantee of success, it would be too simple. Currently, professionals are required who can do something beyond the proposed position, intellectually developed and competent.

Feeling worthless

When you can’t for a long time, the most terrible doubts begin to creep into your head. Rarely does anyone at this moment not give up, their faith in themselves does not break, the desire to continue doing something does not fade away. Often even depression occurs, it seems that luck has completely turned away. Gradually, a feeling of emptiness and uselessness is formed. These feelings are quite natural and natural. Indeed, how can one feel if, for example, I am not invited to work anywhere, although appropriate efforts are being made. Over time, a person begins to doubt that he will succeed at all. But it's easier to tell myself that I'm not good at anything. It is important to continue to act with all your might. If necessary, hit the same point many times, someday you will definitely be lucky. You need to try to overcome the imaginary feeling of worthlessness in yourself. Remember that you are valuable in yourself and as a specialist. No need to give up ahead of time, continue to fight for your place in the sun. There is an opinion: if they are not interested in me, then I do not declare myself loudly enough.

Seeming hopelessness

How to cope with depression and find a way out of a predicament? When a feeling of hopelessness seizes you, all the forces go somewhere, you don’t want to do anything. I must say that the easiest way is to hide from all the problems behind the mask of a loser and then do nothing. This is done not only by weak people, but also by those who, for some reason, are disappointed in themselves. A strong focus on the lack of work makes it difficult to find one. The more we immerse ourselves in experiences, the more disappointed we are in the available prospects. Some people, starting to look for a job and not getting an instant result, immediately become discouraged. They don't want to do anything extra to get noticed. Only action can change our lives for the better. It is worth remembering this when you plan to bring something new into your life. If you argue in such a way that they won’t take me anywhere, you shouldn’t even hope for changes. A lot depends directly on the mood of a person, including success.

Freelance

This type of activity has already been successfully tested by many people. Perhaps this perspective will suit you. If you have been suffering from the fact that you cannot find a job for a long time, know that there is a way out. To do this, you just need to better assess your capabilities, practice a little and believe in your own prospects. Only he wins in a difficult struggle who is ready to go to the end and take active steps. When a person passively lies on the couch and suffers from his own seeming professional unsuitability, he will never be able to find something to his liking. There is no need to think that they will not accept me, because I do not have the appropriate education or experience. Fate favors the enterprising and the brave.

Freelancing is a great solution for those who want to work from home and value their own independence. Today, there are many areas of activity that you can do while being in a cozy and relaxed atmosphere: design, writing articles, developing websites. Of course, this is not suitable for all people. The work of a freelancer implies perseverance, focus on results, the ability to take responsibility, efforts applied alone. If a person wants to discover new facets and perspectives in himself, then he may well choose freelancing as his main and profitable occupation. You will have to make a significant effort, but they are worth it. This type of employment can be both a temporary solution and a permanent one.

Continuous movement

Activity is the key to success in any business. Be extremely open to new information, then significant changes will soon occur in your life. If you have chosen a certain path for yourself, do not back down. Results will definitely appear, you just need to act and not lose your presence of mind. Anyone who argues that, they say, they are not interested in me, it is unlikely that I will be useful, will not achieve visible changes for the better. Belief in yourself and your own abilities is half the battle. Be ready at some point to accept the challenge of fate and prove to others what you are capable of.

Thus, the problem of finding a job is always relevant. If you still can't find something to your liking, then it's time to put aside doubts and take action.