Before analyzing the methods of influence, we will analyze the question of what is influence and what is influence.

These are completely different things. How do they differ from each other?

Imagine that two men are talking on the street. And then a usable female passes by them, smoothly shaking her lower back. They instantly forget what they were talking about, all their smart conversations remain somewhere on the sidelines, and they follow her with their eyes. Did she have any effect on them? No, she just walked by. Did she influence them? Of course it did. The question is what is influence, and how does it differ from influence?

In the yard where I grew up, there lived one district police officer. Like Pushkin, his name was Alexander Sergeevich. He was about two meters tall and shaped like a doorway. He always went in civilian clothes, and a police cap on his head. He spent most of his time in the basement. So, when he appeared in the yard, he immediately created a certain climate. Immediately everyone began to speak more quietly, all kinds of parties stopped, all the punks in the yard ran and hid, all the hooligans tried to behave as inconspicuously as possible, and everyone got up and greeted him. Did he affect anyone? He just walked from the rocking chair to the Stronghold. But even with his appearance, he had a certain influence on people.

Influence starts with appearance. With caste identification. We can make an impact simply by our appearance. When we choose a cast skin, we choose an instrument of influence.

What do people immediately pay attention to? Appearance, posture. On the chosen style of clothing. On an appropriately chosen role-playing game - who do you play in this life. Even when we see a person for the first time, we immediately determine for ourselves who is in front of us: "Dull smart guy" or "Charming bastard" or vice versa - "Intellectual Superman".

But if we choose some model of behavior, it means that we are already acting purposefully, but this action is not directed at a specific person. This is influence. We have not done or said anything yet, but with our clothes, movements, facial expressions, we have had a certain influence, aroused a certain attitude towards ourselves.

Influence starts with appearance

Color influence

One of the first factors that people pay attention to is the color of the clothes.

The color we have chosen not only reflects our psycho-emotional state, but it, in turn, begins to influence us. That is, if we accustom ourselves to some color, we change our behavior according to this color.

The first color that affects the psyche of people is black! If a person accustoms himself to the black color in clothes, he develops certain traits in himself - authoritarianism, every possible rejection of other people's opinions and the widespread imposition of his own opinion on everyone.

The opposite of black is white. This is the color of adaptation. It means the desire to get in touch, to establish a common language. Any color mixed with black will be black. Mix any color with white, it will be the same color, but a little thinner.

Between black and white is gray. The so-called "civilian uniform" is a gray suit. This is emotional passivity, that is, not involvement, neither here nor there. "Citizen, let's go" - and a citizen can rejoice, can shout, can be indignant, but this should not affect the state of the one who said: "Citizen, let's go."

Next are warm colors. The hottest color is red. What is red in nature? Blood! Fire! Red symbolizes aggression. Therefore, when the GDP appears at the negotiations in the Council of Europe in a red tie, everything falls into place. If I were in his place, I would have written a “badge” like this - “everything is in the stall!” – this applies to everyone in the Council of Europe. Here is a behavior pattern: aggression - adjustment - aggression and - black suit - suppression. Suppression of interlocutors.

Yellow is the color of positive activity, the color of the sun. The halos of advanced people were always drawn in gold, that is, yellow. And orange, respectively - aggression and positive activity - in half.

Now brown. What is brown in nature? Correctly! This color is by no means associated with chocolate, and not even with coffee. Therefore, avoid brown at all costs. Also stay away from those who like brown.

Cool colors remain. Blue! In nature, blue is the sky and the sea. Those who often look at the sky and the sea are dreamers, romantics. Choosing the color blue cultivates romanticism and sentimentality.

Lilac, violet, lilac are also cold colors. Introversion, self-absorption, the desire to turn your movie in your head.

Green - focusing on yourself.

All kinds of cells, drawings, peas - this is neuroticism, nervous exhaustion. If you accustom yourself to such “specks”, you develop neuroticism in yourself. Therefore, I always try to dissuade my followers from all sorts of "peas", "specks" and other things.

Decorations

Cravings for wearing shiny objects, all kinds of bracelets, rings, watches with metal bracelets, belt buckles, silver and gold badges on clothes - these are all signs of psychopathy. Those who prefer such things tend to be slightly psychopathic. This is neither good nor bad. This is a feature!

By the way, about psychotypes. There are many nuances associated with professionalism.

I can tell you for sure that, for example, not a single good analyst can not be a schizoid. Because only a schizoid can look at a problem from different angles, and this is a mandatory quality for an analyst. And any good artist is also certainly a schizoid. This is a man who sees things a little differently. He can't help but have an altered reality.

On the other hand, no good coach can not be a psychopath. A psychopath is, firstly, a slightly paranoid person fixated on one idea, and secondly, he is usually prone to not always adequate words and not always adequate actions. This is not a hysteric - a hysteroid that kicks everything, screams and beats in hysterics and in tears. In a psychopath, the reaction may be exacerbated or painful, or, on the contrary, blunted. A good coach is simply obliged to be a psychopath, otherwise he will not be able to inspire and influence. This is a pattern, and it does not matter in what area he trains - in martial arts, in hockey or in psychology.

An accountant must be an epileptoid. Otherwise, he simply will not be able to thoughtfully and painstakingly do the same thing. Only an epileptoid can walk around the store and over and over again ask the price of goods that he does not need. Or, for example, sawing trees with a jigsaw. Cyclothymics are individuals who have seven Fridays a week, which change all the time. Either he is a schizoid, or he is a paranoid.

Managers - sales or purchasing - are all necessarily paranoid individuals. They need to sell or buy without fail, which means they have to go in cycles. There is even a separate mental illness - the manager's syndrome. I'm not saying it's a disease, it's an accentuation. Illness is a diagnosis. And accentuation is a general direction.

Influence of smell

What starts influencing people right after you show up, before you talk, before you look? First of all, the surroundings are affected by the smell. Why is smell so important? In the animal world, everyone perceives each other by smell. The same thing happens among people. From the fact that people began to smoke, sniff various products and chew gum, the human scent, of course, worsened, but did not disappear completely. Something in the smell is still preserved for perception.

The smell of the male of the dominant male is the most attractive. It suppresses the will of other males and causes a positive reaction in females. The scent of the dominant female should come from the female, which, in turn, suppresses the will of other females and attracts males.

One ad touches me - they show a girl who rides a tram, and she has a pig under her arm. And then she uses some kind of another deodorant, and everyone becomes crazy about her. This ad is utter idiocy. Remember: if you have a normal metabolism, the smell of sweat can not be unpleasant. In persons of the same sex, this smell is neutral, that is, neither pleasant nor unpleasant. In people of the opposite sex, he is attractive. But this only applies to the smell of fresh sweat. The smell becomes unpleasant after 12 hours, when the sweat begins to decompose.

Therefore, I still advise you to wash regularly. But I do not advise using deodorants and other perfumes. For one simple reason: in our time, all sorts of sodomites-couturiers, gay people are engaged in the invention of perfumes. Of course, they can not choose the right scents - neither for men nor for women.

What scents should you use?

My friends, do not invent bicycles. Everything was invented long before you. Read and remember! The inhabitants of the Arabian Peninsula, the countries of the Maghreb and North Africa, the inhabitants of the Middle East have been using these systems for more than one thousand years.

For men, the dominant smell is musk or musk. These are the glands of the musk deer gazelle. This gazelle is found in North Africa, in Saudi Arabia, in the Middle East. She has musk glands, from which musk is secreted. A huge amount of a specific “perfume” is made from one gram of musk. The strongest musk - the most rigid and dominant - is black. White - inferior to black in strength and intensity, it is softer. There is also an average - not white and not black - red.

For women, the dominant scent is ambergris. This substance is secreted by female sperm whales, and the male sperm whale smells this smell tens of kilometers through the water. And rushes in the appropriate direction without making a mistake. From amber, real perfumers can also do a lot of useful things. How do musk and amber work? Bypassing human consciousness. You may like these smells, you may not like them - it does not matter at all. Because they have other means of influence. In fact, this is to some extent a deception of nature. You add certain enzymes to yourself, which, by and large, suppress the will of other people, and the more concentrated they are, the more they suppress.

So, the smells of musk and amber give the dominant individual a feeling of even greater dominance. As already mentioned, they suppress, subjugate individuals of the same sex and cause attraction in individuals of the opposite sex.

In everything that I propose, there is nothing complicated at all, in fact, everything is crazy and fabulously simple.

In principle, all psychology is a very simple thing. Remember, only what is simple always works. Complex will not work. Anyone who has been involved in martial arts knows: you can learn a lot of beautiful coordinating and complex techniques, but will they be useful in practice? In real combat conditions, two kicks, two punches, two throws work. Well, or three hits and two throws. All. Also in psychology, the simplest techniques work best.

Posture and plastic

So, first of all, we perceive the smell of a person. What are we celebrating next? Posture and plasticity of movements, body position.

Few people can boast of good posture - after all, from childhood we were taught to stoop. We were weaned from walking straight as a string. If we straightened up, we were told that we were proud, exalted and turned up our noses. The girls were supposed to be ashamed of the fact that their bust was beginning to form, and not to put it forward, but to hide it, pushing their shoulders and bending over.

Moreover, we periodically wanted to look as harmless as possible in front of the teachers, and for this it was necessary to cross the upper limbs on the genitals, and the lower ones on each other. And at the same time, of course, I had to stoop and push my shoulders forward, press my head into my shoulders, and wear a very intelligent expression on my face.

If a person is beaten or constantly intimidated, he will begin to hold his hands, as if covering himself, will begin to stoop. How will he feel about it?

Check it out yourself. Try to bend your back, slouch. Lower your head and arms and look around frowningly. How do you feel? Proud, free, independent? Probably not! Now straighten up! Take your shoulders back, put your foot a little forward, put your hand on your belt, straighten your head. Have your feelings changed, your facial expressions? So, does our internal state depend on the position of the body and posture? Certainly!

Exercise 1

Raise your right hand up, raise your head, look up and stretch strongly towards the ceiling. Stretch your shoulder as much as possible, so that your back crunches. Don't be afraid, it won't come off! Slowly, across the side, lower your hand.

Do the same with the other hand. Pull until it hurts, until it crunches, so that the shoulder and back stretch as much as possible.

Now both hands are up, to the pain, to the crunch up.

Now slowly lower your shoulders and pull up the crown.

Shoulders forward, up, towards the ears, and down, back. Remember your posture, it should be just like that.

Exercise 2

Spread your arms out to the sides and stretch your arms where you can't reach. First with the right hand, then with the left. Lower your arms slowly.

And again: shoulders forward, to the ears, and down, back.

Sit on a chair while keeping your back straight. The hands rest on the top of the thigh, in the middle of the thigh. The back is straight, bend the muscles on the back. Pull your shoulders back. Buttocks also back, straighten your back so that the s-curve of the spine decreases.

You can stay in this position for as long as you like. Have you tried going anywhere with a weight on your back? If you bend your back, you will get tired after a hundred steps. You can walk easily only if your back is straight. Here is the same. You can work on a computer, you can sit for hours with a straight back. Remember - the back of the chair is for the disabled! Forget about her. Just sit as far as possible with your buttocks, bend at the waist, take your shoulders back - and that's it.

If, under the weight of your brain, your head leans to one shoulder, then to the other, you need to fight it. How?

Exercise 3

Grab your head with your hand, rest your ear on your shoulder, pull your head slightly, tilting your ear to your shoulder. Now to the other side.

After that, for some time the head will be kept straight. Then again, under the weight of the brain, it will begin to lean either to the right or to the left. Then repeat the exercise again.

Exercise 4

Sit on your left buttock, lift your right leg, pull the toe as far as possible. Sit on your right buttock. Stretch your left leg as far as you can. Sit straight and, while sitting, stretch your crown up.

These exercises need to be done constantly. Indirect consequences - add a little in height, a couple of centimeters. Checked! The legs and arms are likely to be slightly lengthened. In fact, of course, the bones will not become longer, this is due to the fact that the joints straighten out, cease to be compressed.

The plasticity of movements is also very important.

The softer and more plastic your movements, the greater the feeling of power emanating from you. You should always move, as it were, a little bit with a margin. As if you are showing that you have a little more strength than you need for this movement.

There was such a weightlifter - David Rigert. Raising the bar, he always tossed it a little up. Tossed and laid on the ground. It did not require any effort, because the barbell is tossed up with the legs - a little up. But how it impressed the audience! Even if he lifted the bar with the last of his strength with circles before his eyes, it seemed to the audience that he did it effortlessly.

For women, there is a slightly different plastic scheme. Dear ladies, you must constantly, every moment, move as if a huge number of men are looking at you with admiration, while licking their lips on the go. And a huge number of women look at you with hatred and envy. All the time, even alone with yourself, you must imagine that you are being watched.

Look and smile

Can you look straight ahead and smile?

From childhood we were taught to hide our eyes. For example, you are walking down the street, your mother is holding your hand. A man drives by in a wheelchair. You are interested, you want to look at him, but you hear: “Don’t stare at your uncle, this is not good!” A drunken aunt picks her nose, you also stare at her, but again they say to you: “Don’t look at your aunt, it’s indecent!”

We have heard too often: “Why are you looking at me like that?” – and learned to lower their eyes.

Smile and laugh we also weaned. For example, a teacher at school sits on a chair, where one of the students carefully put a button - and bounces. This is very funny, you laughed, and you are punished for it. Dad hammers a nail into the wall, hits his finger instead of a nail and bursts into a tirade about the imperfection of the universe. And now you are already laughing - and you get a slap on the back of the head. We were taught not to smile, not to laugh, to wear a serious sad expression on our faces.

You should develop the skill of smiling and talking to people with a smile on your face. By smile, I don't mean dumb Hollywood "cheese", but something else.

Exercise 5

Relax your facial muscles, look straight ahead into the eyes of an imaginary interlocutor (you can stand in front of a mirror) and slightly lift the corners of your lips. Now, without lowering the corners of your lips and looking straight ahead, say a phrase. Work on this skill for yourself: speak with a slight smile, looking into your eyes.

This technique is called soft suppression. On a subconscious level, a smile is a grin, a direct look into the eyes is aggression. Consciousness perceives a smile as a manifestation of goodwill, and a look into the eyes as openness and sincerity. Therefore, when people communicate with you, there will be a strong contradiction. Consciously they will perceive you as a benevolent and open person, and subconsciously as a source of overwhelming aggression. And this is where a remarkable psychological phenomenon will manifest itself: the transformation of fear into respect. Subconsciously fearing you, people will begin to look for positive traits in you, find them and be filled with reverence for your person.

If a person does not smile, and the corners of his lips are constantly lowered, this indicates that in front of you is a pessimist, a loser. And failure is as contagious as the flu. Stay away from such people. If you notice that the corners of your lips are starting to droop, do this exercise:

Exercise 6

Place your thumbs on your upper lip and turn your fingers inward to lift the corners of your lips. And you say something, for example: “Winter! The peasant, triumphant, takes his Hammer out of the gate. Slowly release your hands, and leave this smile.

Do the exercise for a minute, two or three times a day, until the corners of the lips begin to rise on their own.

Everything that we were inspired in childhood affected our psyche - we no longer withstand a direct look, we weakened.

A strong person should have a straight look, a slight smile should always be on his face.

The managers of the Sony Corporation, in general, not the last sheep in the world, spent 150 hours in 2003 practicing a constant smile and a direct look - and this is in a country where smiling and making eye contact is a national tradition. This training was needed in order to learn how to more effectively subordinate other people to your will.

Here is a curious episode showing how important it is to use facial expressions correctly. This is a story about how a French doctor from the International Red Cross died in Chechnya. Several… how to call it more delicately… employees of an illegal armed group were dragging a stretcher with their wounded comrade. And the Frenchman, like all Europeans, saw them and smiled at them. People left the battle and are carrying a wounded comrade, and in front of them is some kind of monkey and grinning. What is their reaction? The doctor was shot dead on the spot. Later it was only found out that he, it turns out, did not gloat, but simply smiled.

Therefore, you should not have this American “keep smiling” either. If a person comes towards you with a smile from ear to ear, does it mean that he is open, friendly, well disposed towards you? In the English-speaking countries of the 80s - maybe. But in the Slavic world, such a wide smile would rather mean doubting the interlocutor's mental usefulness. You should have a light smile, just an even, relaxed position, slightly raised corners of the lips.

Techniques of influence through facial expressions and gestures

There are various techniques for influencing the interlocutor. Body position, gestures, facial expressions, look - all this can be tools of your influence on people.

Mimicry is one of the tools of influence.

Suppose your goal is to suppress a persona.

The technique is simple: you look past the person, you have a slight half-smile on your face - slightly raised corners of the lips. You look at the person and your smile disappears. Look away again - a smile appears.

And so several times.

It is almost imperceptible, but acts bypassing consciousness. After five or six repetitions, your actions - the appearance and disappearance of a smile - begin to influence the psyche of the interlocutor, his internal state. A person begins to suspect that something is wrong with him, look around his clothes and so on. However, he does not understand why he feels uncomfortable.

If, on the contrary, you want to cheer up a person, win her over, pull her into positive communication, you must act in the opposite way.

You keep a neutral expression when you look away from the person, and smile slightly when you look at him. And just repeat it several times. It is necessary to smile just slightly, a wide smile can lead a person to the idea that you are laughing at him.

Your interlocutor receives a positive emotional background tied to your person. This is a mind-bypassing effect on the evoking of positive emotions.

As a basic exposure technique, I recommend keeping your gaze just below the eyes of the interlocutor.

A person always subconsciously tries to catch the eye of the one with whom he is talking. And to catch your eye, he will have to stoop, that is, take a subordinate position in which it is very difficult to maintain pride and dignity. This technique also works bypassing consciousness.

Grandfather Freud was a very smart guy. He wrote that we always have two dialogues: one is at the level of consciousness (the words that we pronounce), the other is at the level of gestures, facial expressions and views.

There is a conference of psychologists-trainers. A man and a woman are talking about holding corporate trainings, about investing in personnel. The lady periodically lowers her eyes and glances at the male. The male specimen periodically holds his gaze on the lady's neckline and reluctantly looks back at her eyes. At the level of consciousness, they have a dialogue about training and investment. On the animal, subconscious level, this is an erotic self-presentation, an erotic worldview. Two dialogues are going on at the same time - and this is always the case.

* * *

The two men are negotiating a corporate merger. One man leans back in his chair and, swaying on it, says to the other: "I'm sorry, I forgot your name and patronymic." The second throws his hands behind his head, puts his foot on his foot, with the sole to the interlocutor and asks: “Pavel Pavlovich, excuse me, but are you really the first person in your company?” On a conscious level, they clarified each other's positions. On a subconscious level, things are not so simple. The first man, pretending to have forgotten the name of the interlocutor, demonstrated his position as the owner. The second, having taken the appropriate posture (hands behind the head, legs crossed, swaying the toe of the foot), demonstrated his superiority, the extreme degree of superiority. At a subconscious level, their dialogue went something like this:

- I am dominant. Low-ranking, take a humiliated pose.

- No, it's me - the dominant, it's you - low-ranking, take a humiliated pose.

One can guess that they hardly managed to reach an agreement.

body position

Consider how you can influence people with gestures. The position of the body relative to the interlocutor is also of great importance. You are standing in front of the interlocutor - he feels the opposition (Fig. 1). An appropriate hand gesture intensifies the confrontation, the interlocutor perceives your posture as aggressive (Fig. 2). The closer you get, the more aggressive you feel (Figure 3).

Rice. one

Rice. 2

Rice. 3

Rice. 4

If you get close to the person, the opposition disappears even if you are close enough (Fig. 4). Such a posture means that you, as it were, are opposed to something together, and does not cause a feeling of aggression in the interlocutor, but, on the contrary, unites you.

You sit in front of the interlocutor, slightly leaning towards him - he perceives you as a character interested in communication (Fig. 5). But if you increase the slope, creating the appearance of being ready to jump (legs are brought under the center of gravity, hands rest on the upper third of the thigh), the interlocutor feels quite strong aggression - as if you could jump up and rush at him at any moment (Fig. 6). He feels it on a subconscious level.

Rice. 5

Rice. 6

You sit straight, not deviating anywhere (Fig. 7). This position expresses complete neutrality. If you lean back and assume a relaxed posture (Fig. 8),

Rice. 7

Rice. eight

you show a lack of interest in the conversation. But if at the same time you sit next to each other, the interlocutor's feelings change - this posture shows that, on the one hand, the person is relaxed, on the other hand, he is friendly towards the interlocutor (Fig. 9).

Rice. nine

When you lean back, crossing your legs and turning the sole towards the interlocutor, you express neglect (Fig. 10). You can further enhance this feeling by throwing your hands behind your head - an extreme degree of neglect (Fig. 11).

Rice. ten

Rice. eleven

At the same time, if you throw your leg to the other side and turn away from the interlocutor, you already demonstrate your own insecurity and fear (Fig. 12). It will be especially expressive if you hold some object in front of you - a folder or a book.

Rice. 12

Most postures take on a completely different meaning when you're talking to a woman. Here the tactics may be slightly different. The “ready to jump” position, when the legs are under the center of gravity, the man will perceive as aggression, and the lady, on the contrary, will perceive it positively, as a manifestation of interest - she has other associations (Fig. 13). If you sit nearby, with a slight inclination towards the interlocutor, you will also cause positive sensations with some erotic admixture (Fig. 14).

Rice. thirteen

Rice. fourteen

When you sit back in your chair, the lady you are talking to feels superior and relaxed (Fig. 15). A closed posture, when you turn away, as it were, will cause a feeling of distrust and tension (Fig. 16).

Rice. fifteen

Rice. sixteen

When you, standing opposite, make a movement towards the interlocutor, your movement suppresses the man, and the woman, on the contrary, attracts and causes a response movement towards you (Fig. 17). But if you stand next to the lady, turning in the same direction as her, you show her neutrality and detachment (Fig. 18).

Rice. 17

Rice. eighteen

Coming very close to the interlocutor, you will cause her the same rejection as a man, because this posture expresses too high a degree of aggressiveness, and she will not have any response towards you (Fig. 19).

Rice. nineteen

Now the situation is when you communicate while sitting at the table. If you sit opposite the interlocutor, you demonstrate your superiority and suppress it (Fig. 20). By leaning back, you show extreme disdain, telling your interlocutor that he is nothing (Fig. 21).

Rice. 20

Rice. 21

On the other hand, if you sit on the side, you demonstrate a subordinate position (Fig. 22).

Rice. 22

The interlocutor develops a positive attitude. An even more expressive demonstration of your harmlessness is when you turn slightly in the same direction as the interlocutor (Fig. 23). You can talk about anything, but in this position you will never evoke negative emotions. Therefore, if you are communicating with some important person, try to sit on the side. Sitting in this way, you can explain, tell, show something, and they will listen to you. And sitting opposite, you will cause rejection and opposition.

Rice. 23

An important person can be a lady, nothing changes from that. Remember that in human society the criteria "male" and "female" are shifted. A lady can perceive you as an erotic object only at a deep subconscious level. And on the conscious, she perceives you as a factor. Not as a person, but as a factor, for example, hindering or contributing to her personal enrichment.

Try not to put your hands or elbow on the table of the interlocutor. Better put some paper and show with a pen. Only by the edge, with the fingertips touching the table (Fig. 24). If you encroach on the territory of the interlocutor (Fig. 25), you cause negative emotions. It's better not to.

Rice. 24

Rice. 25

Thus, you can see that changing the position of the body relative to the interlocutor affects his mental and emotional state.

The next instrument of influence is gestures.

There are gestures aimed at suppressing the will of the interlocutor.

In any simian community, the dominant male dominates the low-ranking males when he starts behaving towards the low-ranking male as towards a female. He is obliged to take a humiliated pose, to show that he is not a male, but only a female - to close the phallus with his paws and stoop. And the dominant pats himself on the genital area, pokes his finger in the genital area of ​​the low-ranking one and yells at him.

So, the first gesture model: you direct gestures from the outer circle to the inner one. And focus the gesture on the genital area (Fig. 26).

Rice. 26

The interlocutor does not understand what you are doing, but your gestures suppress his will. You seem to give the command: “Low-ranking, take a humiliated pose! You are not a male, but only a female!” Given that in human society the concepts of "male" and "female" are shifted, women can also use this technology of influence.

So, there is a whole group of gestures of suppression.

Have you noticed what precise gestures our former president, now prime minister, has? Of course, psychologists work with him - professionals of the highest class. But, we must give him his due, he listens to them very carefully, which is rare among politicians - they prefer to think for themselves.

It is for this reason that such a large number of negotiators left their jobs in the 90s - after all, in the Slavic world, as in France of the 17th century, "any Gascon is an academician since childhood."

Imagine three specialists negotiating with armed separatists. One of them is an orientalist, doctor of science, familiar with the eastern mentality, culture and traditions. The second is a conflict specialist. The third is a psychologist-trainer, candidate of sciences. Three negotiators are having a conversation, and suddenly a mandate holder appears who knows better than these three specialists what to do. He snatches the microphone from them and starts talking to the separatists himself. Or some owner of large heavy stars on shoulder straps appears, who has a nursery and a military school behind his back, but he also knows everything better than conflictologists and orientalists. As a result, negotiations become meaningless. Well, where is the conflictologist and orientalist up to an official or a general?

Let's consider another model of behavior - the Putin-Schroeder interaction.

In 2002, the summit took place, which was the first stunning psychological success of the GDP.

Here heads of the states go towards each other. This is diplomatic protocol. The GDP walks, raising his hand, and when he is at a handshake distance, he lowers his hand and looks with bewilderment at Schroeder's outstretched hand. Schroeder at this moment feels extremely uncomfortable. After that, finally, VVP shakes Schroeder's hand, giving it from below, and then turning it up. This gesture automatically sounds like a command: “Even if I started like this, we will end like this,” and “Accept, Schroeder, a humiliated pose.”

Then the GDP turns to the journalists so that they can see that the heads of state are shaking hands. Schroeder feels uncomfortable and tries to snatch his arm. Judo classes have made our president a strong hand, so he does not let Schroeder pull his hand out. After a while, finally, Schroeder pulls out his hand, and the GDP goes and says something to him. Schroeder can only run after him and participate in the conversation, otherwise there will be a violation of diplomatic protocol, which the German chancellor, as a European person, cannot allow. And GDP continues to go. He is shorter, so that Schroeder is forced to lean towards him, which does not prevent our president from periodically looking down at the chancellor. As a result, Schroeder is completely depressed, from the very first minutes of the dialogue, and VVP wins the negotiations.

These behavior patterns are very simple. So, the first gesture is “to the foot” (Fig. 27). It means: "Take a humiliated pose." The continuation of this gesture is a movement towards the genital area. On the conscious level, this is just an accentuation of attention, and on the subconscious level, it’s the same thing that the monkey leader does in relation to a male of a lower rank: “You are not a male, but just a female, cover the phallus with your front paws and take a humiliated pose.”

Rice. 27

Another gesture is a wide hand movement, without finger movements (Fig. 28). It means: “This is your pasture. I will allocate it to you. Go and feed." It is very effective to use this gesture in conjunction with the previous one (Fig. 29). This combination seems to say: “Here is your pasture. If you assume humiliated postures, graze on it as much as you like." For example, out loud: "We will create all the conditions for the efficient operation of small businesses."

Rice. 28

Rice. 29

And two gestures almost simultaneously: "Of course, those who want to graze will also have to make some efforts, that is, everyone will take humiliated poses." These hand movements are imperceptible, but they act bypassing consciousness.

Gesture saying: "Stop, shut up" (Fig. 30). With your words you say, "Please continue, I'm listening to you," but your gesture says, "Stop, stop, stop."

Rice. thirty

Another stopping gesture (Fig. 31). You make this gesture and say: “Come in, please,” but your interlocutor will hesitate at the door. He received two mutually exclusive commands - in words he was told: "Come in, please," but the gesture indicated to him: "Get out," and as a result he can neither enter nor leave.

In words: “Forgive me for what you said, repeat,” and with a gesture: “Stop, stop, stop.” And the interlocutor is silent or mumbles something indistinct.

Rice. 31

Gesture summing up (Fig. 32). The words may be: “Let's talk about this again,” and the gesture says: “Summarizing, that's it. We have finished the debate, let's move on to general questions.

Rice. 32

Gesture of self-presentation: “I”, “I”, “I”, “Here I am”, “Look at me!”, says this gesture. It can be done with one hand or two (Fig. 33, 34).

Rice. 33

Rice. 34

There are a number of combinations using the self-presentation gesture. For example, a bunch meaning "Attention to me" (Fig. 35) Yushchenko loves to do it very much. These two gestures say: “Attention!”, “Attention to me”, “What they say, it doesn’t matter - attention to me!”. Another combination, using the gesture "to the foot" - "Obey me" (Fig. 36). The same Yushchenko likes to use a bunch of gestures that actively attract attention.

Rice. 35

Rice. 36

Rice. 37

As a rule, he makes three gestures in a row - “to the leg”, “here I am”, “attention on me.” This is not good and not bad, he just has such a style of communication. He says: "Take a humiliated pose towards me" and "Listen carefully to me." And this technique allows him to seek attention even where they do not want to listen to him. With it, too, for certain, good psychologists work.

Another combination using the gesture of self-presentation means "Only me" (Fig. 37). Out loud, you say: “Few can cope with this task,” and the gesture clarifies: “In fact, only me!”.

The impact of gestures still largely depends on the country in which they are used. For example, the gesture recommended by Alan Pease and Dale Carnegie (Fig. 38). For them, it means openness.

Rice. 38

And with us - "Nothing happened", that is, the recognition of one's insignificance. Forget this gesture.

Gestures can say a lot, almost anything. For example, in seminars, I like to use a bunch of gestures “stop”, “here I am”, “attention on me”, “take a humiliated pose”, “here is your pasture” to concentrate the attention of the audience. It can be translated as follows: “Stop talking, I am the one who knows the answers to your questions, so we respectfully catch my every word, and you will be happy.”

In order to correctly use gestures and influence them on the interlocutor, you need to repeat them several times during the conversation. There are few of these gestures, you just need to remember them, and be able to launch them in time. This is quite enough for any constructive dialogue.

Suppression of will with a marker

There is another super exercise for suppression of will, which I really like. Moreover, as a rule, no one understands what the essence of this action is.

After all, many actions go around consciousness. For example, one competitor managed to disrupt the performance of a great flutist. He sat down in the front row, took out a lemon, began to cut the lemon wedges and chew them. The flutist saw this, and his mouth filled with saliva. The concert was canceled, but it is unlikely that the musician realized what was the reason for this.

So, we are modeling the behavior of a dominant male who suppresses a low-ranking one. I recommend using a thick marker or twelve-color pen for this exercise. They are most suitable in terms of volume as a phallic symbol. A thin student pen is not suitable - it will not give the desired association. Smokers can use a cigar case.

When talking to a person, I point a pen (a phallic symbol) at him at an angle of about 45 degrees and perform certain manipulations with it. This gesture means - low-ranking male, take a humiliated pose, you are not a male, but just a female. For the interlocutor, these actions cause discomfort. He does not understand what exactly I am doing, therefore he cannot object, but his internal protest will increase until it is completely suppressed.

For women, this exercise has the opposite effect - positively, it causes a lot of positive emotions in them. You talk with a lady about different things - about flowers, about nature, about the weather - and perform certain manipulations with a pen or marker. After some time, you will notice the appearance of a number of interesting phenomena in the lady - accentuated chest breathing, uneven blush on her cheeks, sparkle in her eyes, swallowing reflex. We have already said that in human society the concepts of "male" and "female" are shifted. Therefore, ladies can safely use this exercise, and the man will feel uncomfortable. Yes, he is talking to a lady, but at the moment this lady is holding a phallic symbol and playing the role of a dominant male who gives the command: “Low-ranking, take a humiliated pose!”.

When I spoke about this technique of influence at a corporate training in one of the companies, an interesting picture emerged. At meetings, the first person began to periodically shout at subordinates: “Come on, put down your pen!”, “So, everyone put their pens on the table!” Because at first my lectures were listened to by the middle link of the company, and the first person considered himself too important and big to attend my training. And all the subordinates sat with their hands pointed at the leader and manipulated them. He became very ill, and he asked me to work with him separately. Naturally, after class, the first thing he demanded was that everyone stop pointing their hands at him and manipulating his mind.

charm technology

Women's charm

Feminine charm lies in the alternate presentation of two things:

a) full sexual availability;

b) complete sexual inaccessibility.

- Sit up straight, take a deep breath, exhale. Slowly cross your legs, do not cross your arms. Take another deep breath, straighten your hair, take another breath, widen your eyes and narrow them. Look at the man with admiration, as if you opened a catalog of new jewelry and admire him. Take another deep breath in and out through your chest. Swallow. Slowly cross one leg over the other. Fix your hair with a beautiful gesture.

This is a presentation of your sexual availability.

“After two minutes, look at the man as if he just blew his nose on the floor, urinated in front of your eyes in a corner, or delivered a long obscene tirade - that is, with a mixture of disgust and horror. And even slightly move away from him.

This is a presentation of sexual unavailability.

- Now cross your legs again, inhale deeply, widen and narrow your eyes, straighten your hair, make a swallowing movement and slowly cross one leg over the other.

Alternately repeating these two tactics of behavior, you will very soon achieve that the fuses in a man begin to melt.

Male charm

Male charm lies in the simultaneous presentation of two things:

a) full sexual readiness;

b) lack of sexual initiative.

You must show the female that you are fascinated to the limit. But at the same time, you should not try to grab her by the protruding parts of the torso, make an appointment with her, and the like.

- Take your hands out of your pockets. Take a deep breath in through your chest and straighten your shoulders. Look at a woman with a smart, masculine expression. Expand your eyes, then narrow and slowly lower your gaze to the level of the interlocutor's bust. Then slowly and reluctantly raise your eyes up. Ask again: "Excuse me, what were we talking about?" - pretending that you listened or lost the thread of the conversation.

- Now inhale again, straighten your shoulders, stretch slightly and look down at the level of the lady's lower limbs, reluctantly raise your eyes up again, simultaneously wiping saliva from your chin. And keep talking about whatever you want - about nature, about the weather, about politics, about growth growth ...

The technique for this exercise is very simple. This is a model of charm. You don't seem to be doing anything, but you're having an impact, and a very strong one. You just look at a woman and at the same time periodically get lost in communication. Remember - women forgive men for stupidity, but not lack of attention.

Erotic psychoprogramming

Impact on women

Gestures can be used to perform programming, including erotic psychoprogramming of the interlocutor. This technique is based on associative thinking.

First option: stroking any surface. This should be done imperceptibly, with soft caressing movements.

Second option: soft rounded gestures, imitating the basic caressing movements. You talk about anything, but in the course of the conversation, you perform a series of similar gentle caressing movements.

With peripheral vision, a woman will certainly notice your movements - stroking the surface or rounded gestures - and unconsciously begins to transfer them to her torso. After some time, the woman will begin to fall into an excited state, not understanding why this is happening. It is enough for you to perform a similar technique once or twice, and when you appear for the third time, no technique will be needed anymore.

Remember the great and wise Ivan Petrovich Pavlov. The bell rings - the monkey was given a banana. The second call - she received a second banana. The third call - nothing was given, but the monkey is drooling, because she is waiting for a banana. Humans react in exactly the same way as Pavlovian monkeys. And you, having appeared for the third time, immediately evoke the reaction you need in a woman.

The story of the crime boss Sergei Mansurov, to whom the investigator brought a revolver to the cell for interrogation, is very indicative. She could not help but know that she would be imprisoned for this. She just became a victim of this simple erotic zombie.

The funny thing is that the female does not understand what you are doing! She begins to wind herself up on the materials of the books she read, the films she watched, the stories she heard - and finds in you features that you never had, endows you with qualities that you have never been different from.

A woman can also affect members of the same sex, because ninety-eight percent of all women are bisexual, and only two percent of this component is missing, and two percent can be neglected. But only thirty percent of their bisexuality is aware, and sixty-eight live their whole lives without realizing it.

If the woman being influenced is aware of her bisexual nature, she will admire the manipulative woman, say: "Oh, what she is!" If she is not aware of her nature, she will admire the intelligence, intelligence or some other qualities of her interlocutor. But the main thing is that she will still admire.

Impact on men

Men's worldview is an order of magnitude more primitive than women's. And it is even easier to influence men than women. This is done in four simple facial movements. I draw your attention to the fact that the technique described below is performed exclusively by women and exclusively in relation to men!

First phase- push the lower lip two to three millimeters forward. Return to starting position.

Second phase- push the upper lip two to three millimeters forward. Return to starting position.

Third phase- push both lips forward two to three millimeters. Return to starting position.

Fourth phase- run the tongue along the inner surface of the lips without opening them.

These four movements are enough. At the same time, when talking with a man, one should periodically look down at the lower abdomen, and then slowly and reluctantly raise it up. In males, “plugs” begin to burn out after about three minutes.

This is erotic psychoprogramming aimed at males. It is imperceptible, but it triggers associative thinking in men. The male begins to fall into an excited state, not understanding why this is happening. Since attention is anchored on you, it begins to look for some properties in you, to endow you with some features that you never had.

At first glance, the technique may seem primitive, but it works very effectively. Any woman can experiment and will certainly succeed. However, after that, she may face another, more difficult task - how to get rid of this man.

Control action

By using anchors in combination with goal thinking, you control your own reactions and influence the reactions of others. First of all, you can decide for yourself what feelings you would like to experience, for example, in such important or critical situations:

Before an important meeting;

After receiving an aggressive reaction;

When you need to inform a person that he is in danger of being fired;

When you first entrust some work to a new employee;

During the discussion of a controversial proposal, when your opinion differs from the opinion of the majority;

When your boss reacts negatively to your actions.

Like this, you can decide what kind of impact you want to have on other people, for example:

When they enter into a discussion with you;

When you give them a job;

When they are ready to respond to your actions;

When you ask them to solve some problem.

You have the ability to have a productive influence on your own and other people's reactions, that is, you can use creative reserves that will help you gain confidence and make the right choice.

Let's first look at how you can bring yourself into the desired state. The process of anchoring involves establishing a connection between any particular sight, sound, or touch and some real experience, that is, some holistic perception of a particular situation. Having established such a connection, you can later use this anchor to reproduce the same experience or state.

Self Anchor Technique

Find a calm and comfortable place, conducive to concentrated reflection.

Determine what state, already once experienced by you, you would like to be able to restore at any moment you need.

Choose the anchor you would like to use to stimulate this state. It should be some specific and simple action. For example, you can use the little finger and thumb of the left hand connected together as an anchor.

Next, recall the situation in your memory when the state you chose was felt most strongly by you. Make sure that you are experiencing a holistic experience, that is, you see everything with your own eyes, and are not an outside observer. If in your mental representation you see yourself, then this is a split state. But you will be able to experience your real feelings only in a holistic state, and in fact it is them that you need to fix with the help of an anchor.

When you have fully reconnected with yourself, mentally imagining the chosen situation, pay attention to what you see. What colors can you see? Are these images bright or subdued? Clear or hazy? Note the qualitative features of the imaginary picture and any details or details of it. What sounds do you hear? Loud or quiet? Where are the sounds coming from? Do you hear voices or are you mentally talking to someone? Be aware of any sounds you hear. When you have restored the whole picture, restore the strong feeling you experienced, let it completely take over you. When this feeling reaches its maximum, bring together the little finger and thumb of the left hand, let them remain in such contact, but only for as long as you continue to experience strong sensations. When the feeling begins to wane, separate your fingers. Shake yourself or move around a little to get back to the real, or so-called ruined, state.

The contact of the fingers became the anchor for this state. Repeat the whole process several times until you are sure that there is a clear connection between this contact and your feelings.

Test anchor. In the process of imagining some other situation, bring together the little finger and thumb of the left hand in the same way as you did when you set the anchor. In doing so, you are "dropping" the anchor, which is what we will call this action. What will happen with this?

If you have set this anchor well, then the whole picture, all sounds and feelings will come to life again, as if you were again in the first situation.

If this does not happen, continue the preparatory exercises to install the anchor. Perhaps your reunion with the experience was not entirely complete. Make sure that when trying to evoke the original experience, you are exactly repeating the anchor that you used initially during the installation.

Your sensations change during the presentation: first, feelings, growing, reach a maximum, and then begin to decrease. You need to set the anchor a little before the maximum and remove it immediately after or even just before the feelings begin to wane.

Now consider in what future situation you would like to restore anchored states. After you have imagined this future situation, drop the anchor. What do you see, hear, feel now?

If you have established the anchor well, then you will be able to transfer your desired experiences, your creative state, to that imaginary, in this case, future situation.

To begin with, learn to evoke your own feelings so that you can activate the necessary internal resources at any time you need.

Remember the key principles of anchoring:

Reconnect fully with the experienced state before anchoring.

The anchored state should be close to the maximum intensity of the experience.

Choose a simple, easy-to-remember anchor that is easy to replicate.

To activate the experienced state accurately reproduce the anchor.

In this example, we used the contact of the fingers of the left hand as the anchor, but you can choose any other anchor that satisfies the above principle.

From the book Heart of the Mind. Practical use of NLP methods author Andreas Connirae

Impact This method neutralizes the intense discomfort that often accompanies memories of the abuse and enables the next necessary steps to be taken. If a person has an extreme fear of being insulted, as was the case with

From the book How to Fuck the World [Real Techniques of Submission, Influence, Manipulation] author Shlakhter Vadim Vadimovich

Influence on women Gestures can be used for programming, including erotic psycho-programming of the interlocutor. This technique is based on associative thinking. The first option: stroking any surface. This should be done imperceptibly, with soft caresses.

From the book How to Manage Your Reputation and Your Life Scenarios author Kichaev Alexander

Impact on men Men's worldview is an order of magnitude more primitive than women's. And it is even easier to influence men than women. This is done in four simple facial movements. I draw your attention to the fact that the technique described below is performed exclusively by women and

From the book Try it - it will work! [When was the last time you did something for the first time?] the author Godin Set

Energy impact To begin with, let's define what is energy impact and its extreme manifestation - energy impact. This is also an aggressive effect on the psyche: a frank insult against us or hidden manipulation when they try to

From the book Hidden Mechanisms of Influencing Others by Winthrop Simon

Impact on Twitter It's always fun to watch someone start using Facebook or Twitter for the first time. He registers, says something indistinct and watches the reaction of the world around him: “Class! I got a message from Lisa… How did she find me so quickly?” “Hey! I

From the book The Soul of Man. Revolution of Hope (compilation) author Fromm Erich Seligmann

Impact on the subconscious You have no idea how easy it is to control the thoughts of the person in front of you. This person can have great power and authority, can be a huge success in the profession. And yet, with a few

From the book Conflict Management author Sheinov Viktor Pavlovich

From the book Psychology of Body Types. Development of new opportunities. Practical Approach author Troshchenko Sergey

"Controlling" rule The long-term practice of the author and his students in applying the above rules has shown the effectiveness of the following rule: The greatest persuasiveness is achieved when: 1) none of the "prohibiting" rules is violated; 2) used 2–3

From the book Manage your dream [How to realize any idea, project, plan] author Cobb Bridget

Controlling celestial body Representatives of the Moon type are influenced by the satellite of our Earth to a greater extent than other types. It is curious to note that between a person with the type of the Moon and our earthly satellite, the Moon, there is much in common. Most of the day the moon remains

From the author's book

The governing celestial body, the Planet Venus, influences the psychological traits of Venus-type people more than any other planet. It is the second brightest celestial body in the solar system in the night sky after the moon. Its diameter and mass are similar to

From the author's book

Controlling celestial body Observing the planet Mercury, we can find explanations for many psychological qualities and manifestations of a person of the Mercurial type, since he is under its direct influence. The planet Mercury, like a man of the Mercury type,

From the author's book

The governing celestial body, the planet Saturn, is named after the ancient Roman god of agriculture. The god Saturn enjoyed great honor and respect among the ancient Romans. According to one of the legends, he taught people how to cultivate the land, grow plants and build houses. Its time

From the author's book

The ruling celestial body Mars is the fourth planet from the Sun in the solar system. Its size is relatively small. It is larger than Mercury, but smaller than all the other planets that can be observed from Earth. Its mass is slightly more than one tenth of the mass of the Earth, and in

From the author's book

The governing celestial body The planet to which the Jupiter type is most sensitive is the largest planet in the solar system - Jupiter. It is twice the size of all the other planets combined. The planet is at a distance of 778 million kilometers from the Sun and

From the author's book

Controlling celestial body The celestial body that influences the solar type is the Sun. As noted earlier, the Sun is a star, not a planet. Therefore, this type is under a different kind of influence than other human (planetary) types. The sun is

From the author's book

The Impact of Beliefs Beliefs have a huge impact on our lives and therefore on our goals, because they largely determine our daily experience. Consider, for example, the following belief: “Everyone around me wants to put a pig on me.” If you really

NLP or neuro-linguistic programming is a topic of practical psychology aimed at developing techniques and techniques for influencing another person.

The NLP method of influencing a person has received attention in our time as a technique for manipulating another person, but, in fact, this teaching appeared as a way to increase the effectiveness of a psychotherapist's influence on a patient.

Many will ask about the ethical side of these methods of influence. There is nothing wrong with using techniques to improve the effectiveness of your speech or discussion. At the same time, if it is really selfish to suppress another person, then, of course, there are no justifications for such actions.

NLP manipulation techniques

Deposit Trap Technique. This technique has gained quite wide popularity due to its effectiveness. If you force a person to invest his strength in any activity, then it will be difficult for him (even with reasonable arguments) then to abandon this direction.

The Three Yes Technique. Ask a few questions to the person, to which he must of his own free will answer in the affirmative. And then abruptly ask the question to which you would also like to receive a positive answer, and there is a high probability that you will receive an agreement.

Mixed Truth Technique. Many use it simply on an intuitive level. Use in your speech such theses, the veracity of which is quite easy to verify, or they are already thoroughly known to everyone. At the same time, you can gradually add a few minor unverified facts, and, most likely, they will already be taken for granted.

If you adjust to the behavior of another person, this will also have a positive effect on the fact that this person will begin to trust you more.

Speech methods of influence

In order to quickly gain confidence, the conversation must begin with some common neutral truth, with which the person must fully agree.

If you want to point a person to some action, then do not talk about this action directly, but connect it with what the object was going to do in the future anyway. For example, a child can be told that when he goes for a walk, let him take out the trash.

Always give the interlocutor the illusion of choice. Use the question to which you must obtain consent as if the interlocutor has already answered it in the affirmative. Also ask about a minor problem, the solution of which is not at all important to you.

In order not to discuss the moment that is unpleasant for you in a circle, block the return on this topic. Say that it is fully stipulated, and its discussion only delays the discussion.

Rules of NLP technique for influencing a person

It is always worth remembering some basic principles that are important in understanding human nature.

So, a person has all the necessary resources to achieve the set. With great desire and perseverance, you can achieve something even on the first try. Any communication leads to a progression of the number of future alternatives. Each person is responsible for the result of their actions. A person is always trying to choose the best alternative for him.

When studying NLP techniques of influence and protection, as well as managing people, it is important to pay attention not only to techniques, but also to the psychology of the behavior of another person. Take enough time to understand the motive of the opponent's actions, and then you will understand how you need to act.

Good afternoon, dear readers! Whether we like it or not, we influence other people throughout our lives. Whether this influence will be under your control depends only on your desire. There is a simple technique of influence that will help you achieve what you want at minimal cost. Today I would like to talk about this. Human psychology: how to manage people.

What is people management for?

Good managers in large companies undergo numerous trainings and practical exercises to learn how to influence people. In order for a multi-million dollar corporation to work like clockwork, the authorities must be able to manage people. But these skills can help ordinary people in everyday situations.

I'll give you a simple example. The wife wants her husband to take out the garbage. She follows him and constantly says: take out the trash, take out the trash, take out the trash. As a result, she annoys him so much that he freaks out, they swear, and as a result, the garbage remains in its place, and the spouses do not talk for a couple of days. How much smarter it would be for the wife to do differently if she knew a couple of techniques for influencing.

The ability to manage people can be useful not only in the professional sphere, but also in your personal life when you interact with a partner, friend or parents. Many conflict situations could be easily avoided if you use one of the management techniques.

We often want other people to do what we need, but we do not always understand how to achieve this. Studying the psychology of influence helps you acquire the necessary mechanisms that will work for you and help you not spoil your relationships with others.

Power requires responsibility

When learning the techniques of influence, it is necessary to remember responsibility. You can't just manage people and not take responsibility for it. A simple ability to manipulate will not be enough to achieve the desired result.

Remember that your influence on another person leaves its mark on his life. It is very important to remember about balance here.

Both of you should benefit from the position, neither of you should experience psychological or physical discomfort, there should be no humiliation of human dignity.

Managing people does not mean conniving at their desires. A person is always obliged to respect another person, value his freedom of choice and not try to take him under his control. It is very important to be able to use techniques for the benefit of all participants in the process.

Good and bad manipulation

There are people who, in their thirst to get their own, are ready to go over their heads, sweep away everything around and do not reckon with anyone. This is bad manipulation. When there is no respect for people, one's own benefit comes first - this is greed, which can destroy with one wrong move.

Good manipulation lies in the fact that you get the desired result and at the same time the other participants benefit from the situation for themselves. At a minimum, the “do no harm” rule must be observed. If the other person does not receive anything useful, then at least he should not receive negativity.

When you achieve your goal with the blood of other people, then this is bad manipulation and you have absolutely no idea about responsibility, honesty and dignity.

Healthy communication is built on mutual benefit. This is how great success can be achieved.

Several techniques

So, we come to the most interesting. I bring to your attention ways, thanks to which you can quickly and easily achieve the desired result. There are simpler ones, with which we will start, and there are those that will take a long time to learn.

Exaggeration of difference. People tend to see more differences in items that are clearly different.

I will give you a simple and understandable example. When I studied the psychology of influence, this principle became one of my favorites and I used it almost always and everywhere.

One day, I came to a friend and asked for a thousand dollars, citing an urgent loan payment. Of course, he refused, albeit very nicely. Next, I asked him to lend me his player on vacation. With a big smile and joy, he gave me his gadget for temporary use.

I didn't really need a thousand dollars, my goal was his player. But I knew how a guy felt about such things. He never lent anyone their technology. And then I decided to try this principle of influence. When he refused me a larger favor (a thousand dollars), he easily agreed to a smaller favor.

Another household example. I asked my husband to go shopping. It's already dark and cold outside. Of course he refused. Then the second less serious request was to take out the trash. To which he quickly agreed.

Remember that this principle should not be abused. Too big a request will obviously look silly. Prepare in advance, foresee what the person will definitely refuse, but this will not be an excessive request.

One good turn deserves another. A person who has received something will definitely want to pay back in the same coin. We do not like to appear ungrateful in the eyes of others.

This principle is often used by sales representatives. They give you small souvenirs as a gift, and then they offer to issue an annual subscription or purchase a product on a promotion. You feel obligated for a souvenir and make a subscription.

In everyday life, this principle can be used in different ways. You are doing a small favor for a person, and when you ask for a response, he is more likely to agree.

social proof. A person is used to looking at others. When we see that someone does this, then we allow ourselves this act.

This principle can be easily seen in smokers. When a person does not know whether it is allowed to smoke here or not and he does not see a single smoker around, then he is unlikely to get a cigarette. And if he notices at least one smoker nearby, he will immediately take out a pack from his pocket.

You can use this principle to your advantage in different situations. For example, if your friend became ill on the street, and you have neither a phone nor money with you. Just stop any passerby and say: call an ambulance. Ask another passerby for water. Others will begin to show attention and act on the principle of social proof. You won’t even have time to look around, as there will be several dozen assistants around.

In addition, a person will gladly perform a favor for someone who often praises him. Compliments can play a big role in managing people, do not neglect them. You can see from the expression on your interlocutor's face how your compliments and praises affect him.

Deficit. The strongest principle of influence used by entrepreneurs. They constantly arrange promotions with a limited number of products. A person wants to have something unique and special. Therefore, when he sees the last jar on the shelf, then most likely he will take it.

You can manipulate your time by saying that you have limited time. When a subordinate comes to the boss, the boss says “I don’t have much time, so I’ll get straight to the point.” The subordinate appreciates the boss's time and cherishes such meetings. The main thing is that such a phrase does not seem to be neglected.

These are not all ways of managing people. You will find many useful and practical tips in the book. Roberta Cialdini "The Psychology of Influence". If you do not have enough time to read, then you can always find an audiobook option.

Remember that managing people is a thing that requires a lot of responsibility from you. Do not manipulate your loved ones and loved ones.

In the article "" I talk about the possible troubles associated with the desire to take a loved one under my tight control.

Do you have your own techniques for influencing people? How do you achieve what you want? What techniques do you use? Do you notice similar influences on yourself from those around you?

Remember to be responsible for your influence on others!

A few words about stress. This word has become very common today, even fashionable in its own way. Every now and then you hear: “Don’t bring me to stress!”, “Now I’ll arrange such stress for you that you won’t recognize your own!” etc. It is easy to see that in such expressions, stress is understood as something undesirable, capable of causing trouble. And those who say so do not know that the author of the theory of stress, the Canadian scientist Hans Selye (1907–1982), who published the first works on this topic back in the late 30s of the last century, at the last stage of his life revised his previous views in many respects. In 1974, he published the book Stress Without Distress. Already in the title, the old concept of "stress" is opposed to the new one - "distress". What is their difference? "Stress" is an English word that is widely used in everyday speech when talking about processes such as "tension, pressure, pressure." And "distress" in translation from English means "grief, misfortune, exhaustion, malaise." The difference, as it is easy to see, is significant.

So, according to the final views of G. Selye, people should not and cannot avoid stress, because many factors that cause stress (stressors) are the most important activators in the life of every person. Since stress accompanies almost any activity, only those who do nothing can not be exposed to it. According to G. Selye, idleness itself is also stress, or rather, distress. Here are a few excerpts from the named book by G. Selye: "Stress is the flavor and taste of life." "Complete freedom from stress leads to death". "Even to death?" - many may be surprised. Yes, to death. After all, the body, without receiving stimulating stressful effects, ceases to function properly and gradually begins to die.

Thus, we draw a fundamentally new conclusion: stress is good. But in those cases when stress factors bring grief, misfortune, suffering, they already become distressful. And distress as a harmful phenomenon must be fought. Better yet, avoid it as much as possible.

In contrast to distress, the Swedish scientist Lennard Levy proposed another term - "eustress" (the Greek prefix "ev" means "good, favorable").

So, at present everything is put in its place: any effect on the body is stress: if it causes harm, it is called distress, and if it brings a clear benefit - eustress.

Naturally, the question arises: how to protect yourself from various distressing influences, from everything that is harmful to health? Of course, a lot depends on the spiritual and material improvement of the life of society, on its relationship to nature; in many cases, various medicines and other remedies from the arsenal of medicine can help. But still, the greatest opportunities for self-defense are inherent in the person himself - only many do not know about it. They don’t know that nature endowed our body with powerful mechanisms self-regulation. The ability to use the possibilities of these mechanisms is a great power in the fight against distress factors, and this skill should be adopted by everyone. In other words, everyone who does not want to become a victim of various negative circumstances generated by our difficult and stressful life and, in spite of everything, strives to maintain and strengthen their health, simply must learn to manage themselves, their mental and physical state.

Three golden rules of mental hygiene

Even a few thousand years before our era, people guessed that there should be two main directions in medicine. The Ministers of the First Called treat sick people, and the representatives of the second keep healthy healthy. This second branch of medicine, which in ancient times the goddess Hygieia was engaged in, began to be called hygiene in her honor. And its section, whose task is to ensure the well-being of the neuropsychic sphere, is called mental hygiene. About it and will be discussed later.

I must say that so far we have little appreciation for hygienists. Many argue like this: “What kind of doctor is this?! Only gives advice on how to live correctly. We ourselves know this. The real doctor is the one who cures when we get sick.” And for some reason they forget that in all respects it is much better live without getting sick, due to the observance of hygiene rules than, getting sick, being treated.

To live, always remaining healthy, is an ideal. Without strict compliance with the instructions of hygienists, it is simply impossible to achieve it. From this follows the conclusion: hygiene should be considered the leading direction in medicine today and, moreover, in the medicine of the future. That future, when people begin to follow the advice of hygienists every day and learn thanks to this to live without getting sick. In the meantime, let's get acquainted with the three basic rules, the observance of which will help to maintain the neuropsychic sphere in optimally good condition.

Rule One. I formulate it, perhaps somewhat unexpectedly and categorically, but I think that such a formulation is better remembered: "Don't suffer!"

“How can one not suffer,” many will oppose, “when there are so many different reasons for suffering?

“And all the same,” I answer, “do not suffer! No matter what!

The fact is that many people, having found themselves in trouble, in a distressed situation, begin to “bath” in their sufferings: they think about them all the time, share them with others, seek sympathy and are offended if they do not meet it; going to bed, they go over in their heads all the details of what happened, and, waking up, they again begin to think about how unfortunate they are. And they do not know that, reveling in suffering, they terribly harm themselves, their health. In what way?

When a person suffers, when he is captured by negative emotions (for example, such as grief, anxiety, fear, mental or physical pain), all the systems of his body begin to function much worse than usual. And the worse, the stronger the suffering. Those who suffer find it more difficult to think; decisions made by them in this state very often cause others to regret or bewilderment, even protest; their sleep is disturbed and their appetite disappears. The cardiovascular system becomes prone to spasmodic conditions - hence hypertensive crises, strokes, angina attacks, myocardial infarctions. Breathing becomes constrained, difficult; the activity of the gastrointestinal tract is disrupted, physical strength decreases, etc. Therefore, we conclude: suffer badly!

Those who do not want to fight their suffering are likened to a person who, having pinched his finger in the door, screams about how much it hurts him, sheds tears, asks for help, but at the same time does not try to free his finger. But after all, you first need to get out of the traumatic situation, and only then think about what to do next: stick your finger under a stream of cold water, run to the trauma center, or redo the door so that what happened does not happen again.

This example of physical suffering is, of course, deliberately simplified - it is not so difficult to free a pinched finger. It is much more difficult to get rid of mental suffering. After all, they, figuratively speaking, dig into the brain and heart! And so, when we see a friend with a hunched back, lowered head, dimmed eyes, and learning that a disaster has happened to him, we, showing sympathy, say to him something like this: “Don't think about it! Drop it, forget it! Get it out of your head!”

Good advice, but, alas, impossible. For the reason that you can’t throw suffering out of your head like an unnecessary piece of paper out of your pocket. But there is another way, another mechanism of self-help - suffering can be oust. How? In a mental way that can improve your mood personally. Such a mental image can be a person dear to you, a beautiful landscape, a beautiful melody, a favorite pastime, etc.