Learn to listen- this is the most important condition for a correct understanding of the point of view of the interlocutor, and in general - the key to successful business communication. The real "art of listening" is manifested in the fact that the listener:

• always refrains from expressing his emotions while the speaker is presenting information;
• “helps” the speaker with encouraging gestures (nods), a smile, brief remarks, unobtrusively, but so that he continues the conversation.

Statistics say that 40% of the working time of modern administrators is devoted to listening, while 35% is spent on speaking, 16% on reading, and 9% on writing. However, only 25% of managers really know how to listen.

Everything affects the ability to listen: a person’s personality, his interests, gender, age, a specific situation, etc.

Interference with hearing

Conversation creates hearing interference:

Internal interference - the inability to turn off your thoughts, which seem much more significant and important than what the partner is saying right now; an attempt to insert one's own line into the speaker's monologue in order to create a dialogue; mental preparation of a response (usually objections);

External interference with listening, for example, the interlocutor does not speak loudly enough or in a whisper at all, has bright mannerisms that distract from the essence of his speech, monotonously “mumbles” or, conversely, “swallows” words, speak with an accent, twirls foreign objects in his hands, constantly glances at his watch, fussing, etc. External mechanical interference includes: traffic noise, sounds of repairs, constant peeking into the office of strangers, phone calls, as well as uncomfortable indoor conditions (hot or cold), poor acoustics, unpleasant odors; distracting surroundings or scenery, bad weather; even the color of the walls in the room plays an important role: red is annoying, dark gray is depressing, yellow is relaxing, etc.

Types of listening

American communication researchers have identified four types of listening:

directional(critical) - the listener first critically analyzes the received message, and then tries to understand it. This is useful in cases where various kinds of decisions, projects, ideas, opinions, etc. are discussed, as it allows you to select the most useful information from a given point of view, but it is not very promising when new information is discussed, new knowledge is communicated, because , tuning in to the rejection of information (namely, this is what criticism implies), the listener will not be able to focus his attention on the valuable that it contains; with such a hearing, there is no interest in information; about

empathic- the listener “reads” feelings more than words. This is effective if the speaker evokes positive emotions in the listener, but is unpromising if the speaker evokes negative emotions in his own words;

non-reflexive listening involves minimal interference with the speaker's speech with maximum focus on it. This is useful in situations where the partner seeks to express his point of view, attitude to something, wants to discuss pressing issues, experiences negative emotions; when it is difficult for him to express in words what worries him or he is shy, unsure of himself;

Active(reflexive) listening is characterized by establishing feedback with the speaker through: questioning - a direct appeal to the speaker, which is carried out using a variety of questions; paraphrasing - stating the same thought in other words so that the speaker can assess whether he was understood correctly; reflections of feelings, when the listener focuses not on the content of the message, but on the feelings and emotions that the speaker expresses; summarizing - summing up what was heard (summary), which makes it clear to the speaker that his main thoughts are understood and perceived.

How to Become the Perfect Business Listener

Do not interrupt or interrupt your interlocutor. Let the person finish their thought. Silence makes a person keep talking. Listen to your customers and they will continue to answer the question to fill the silence.

Don't look at the clock. If you want to know what time it is, do it discreetly, otherwise the interlocutor will perceive this gesture as a lack of interest in him and a desire to get rid of him as soon as possible.

Do not finish the sentence for your interlocutor. Patiently wait for the interlocutor to express his thought to the end, do not interrupt him impatiently: “You already said that,” which can discourage a person from any desire to continue communicating with you.

Ask a question, wait for an answer. Even if the pause that has arisen after the question has dragged on, still do not be tempted to answer instead of the interlocutor. A pause is a sign that your partner is currently thinking about the question, preparing an answer to it. The pause may be unnerving, but if you've asked a question, have the patience to wait for an answer.

Your posture should not be cheeky and "closed" from the interlocutor. Do not fall apart in a chair, sit up straight, you can lean forward slightly. This will show your interest in the conversation.

Do not negotiate if you are not feeling well. When you feel unwell, it is difficult to focus on another person and show the interlocutor that you are listening to him. Better reschedule the meeting.

Maintain constant eye contact. Even if you listen carefully to the interlocutor, but at the same time do not look him directly in the eyes, he will conclude that you are not interested, so you are thinking far away from him and his problem.

Turn to face the interlocutor. It is unethical to talk to a person, being in relation to him or her side or back, but linden to a computer or something else. Be sure to turn around to the interlocutor with your whole body, one turn of the head is not enough.

nod. This is a very effective way to show the interlocutor that you are listening and understanding. However, by nodding too hard, you are signaling to the other person that your patience is over and it is time for them to end the conversation.

Set up verbal feedback. Replies like “Yes, of course, this is interesting ...”, etc. are designed to verbally confirm that you are listening to the interlocutor. This is very important to maintain contact.

Don't be afraid to ask clarifying questions. If something is not clear to you, you are not sure that you understood the interlocutor correctly, ask clarifying questions. This will give you the impression of a person trying not to miss important points of the conversation. There are many clarifying questions: “Do you mean that ...”, “Did I understand you correctly ...”, “Please explain ...”, “Do you want to say ...”, etc.

Resist the temptation to refute information that is new to you. People prefer to argue. If you hear from the interlocutor something that does not correspond to your beliefs or differs from your ideas, do not attack him and do not defend yourself, defending your point of view. It’s better to just ask: “Where did you get such information?”, “Why do you think so?”, “What explains your position?”

Avoid the syndrome: "And I have ..." The client can talk about anything, do not try to impress him with your "even cooler" personal experience, intercepting the initiative from him. The client, after being interrupted, can generally shut up and close.

Take notes. This has the following advantages: you suppress the impulse to interrupt the speaker; you can react on paper to possible anger starting in you and calm down for your answer in the future; already when listening, you will be able to separate the important from the secondary; really get into all the essential issues, which is especially important when it's your turn to speak; your negotiating partner to conclude that they are serious if they take notes to themselves during a speech.

Ability to listen to the interlocutor

Success largely depends not only on the ability to convey information, but also on the ability to perceive it, i.e. listen.

One wise man said that we have two ears and one mouth, and they should be used in this proportion, i.e. listening twice as much as talking. In practice, it turns out the opposite.

The idea that you can listen in different ways, and “listen” and “hear” are not the same thing, is fixed in the Russian language by the very fact that there are different words for effective and ineffective listening. All owners of healthy and efficient hearing organs can hear, but in order to learn how to listen, training is needed.

Lack of listening skills is the main cause of ineffective communication, and it is this that leads to misunderstandings, mistakes, and problems. Despite the apparent simplicity (some people think that listening means just keeping quiet), listening is a complex process that requires significant psychological energy costs, certain skills and a general communicative culture.

There are two types of listening in the literature: non-reflexive and reflective.

Non-reflective listening this is the ability to be attentively silent, not interfering with the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks. Listening of this kind is especially useful when the interlocutor shows such deep feelings as anger or grief, is eager to express his point of view, wants to discuss pressing issues. Answers in non-reflective listening should be kept to a minimum such as “Yes!”, “Well, well!”, “Continue”, “Interesting”, etc.

In business, as in any other communication, a combination of non-reflective and reflective listening is important. Reflective listening is the process of deciphering the meaning of messages. Reflexive answers help to find out the real meaning of the message, among which there are clarification, paraphrasing, reflection of feelings and summarizing.

Finding out is an appeal to the speaker for clarification using key phrases such as: "I did not understand", "What do you mean?", "Please clarify this", etc.

Paraphrasing- the speaker's own wording of the message to check its accuracy. Key phrases: "As I understand you...", "Do you think that...", "In your opinion...".

At reflection of feelings the emphasis is on the listener reflecting the emotional state of the speaker with the help of phrases: “You probably feel ...”, “You are somewhat upset ...”, etc.

At summarizing the main ideas and feelings of the speaker are summarized, for which the phrases are used: “Your main ideas, as I understand it, are ...”, “If you now summarize what you said, then ...”. Summarizing is appropriate in situations when discussing disagreements at the end of a conversation, during a long discussion of an issue, at the end of a conversation.

Common Listening Mistakes

Scattered attention. There is a misconception that you can do two things at the same time. For example, write a report and listen to your colleague. From time to time, you can nod, depicting attention to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. But attention is focused on the report, and the person only vaguely imagines what the interlocutor is talking about. You can avoid the distracted attention trap by prioritizing: choosing the activity that is more important.

Screening occurs when an opinion is formed in advance about what the interlocutor is trying to say. As a result, attention is drawn to only that information that confirms the first impression, and everything else is discarded as irrelevant or insignificant. You can avoid this trap only if you approach any conversation with an open mind, without making any initial suggestions and conclusions.

interruption interlocutor during his message. Most people interrupt each other unconsciously. Managers often interrupt subordinates, and men - women. When interrupting, you need to try to immediately restore the train of thought of the interlocutor.

Hasty objections often arise when disagreeing with the statements of the speaker. Often a person does not listen, but mentally formulates an objection and waits for the turn to speak. Then he is carried away by the justification of his point of view and does not notice what the interlocutor was really trying to say.

Active listening should:

• stay open-minded. Any comments, especially of a critical nature, increase the interlocutor's reluctance to talk about problems that deeply affect him. This will also make it difficult to identify his real feelings, motives and needs;
• study the facial expression of the interlocutor, his gestures and posture, revealing the degree of his truthfulness;
• pay attention to the tone of the message. Any discrepancy between content and form may indicate deeply hidden feelings;
• listen to more than just words. Important parts of the message are often conveyed by pauses, emphasis, and hesitation. Long pauses and repetitions betray alarm;
• make it easier for reticent, shy, or slightly tongue-tied interlocutors by inserting encouraging comments into their monologues, such as “I understand”, “of course”. At the same time smile, look at the interlocutor and take an interested look;
• try to put yourself in the position of an interlocutor, look at the situation through his eyes and hear everything with his words;
• check your understanding of what you heard with the help of questions: “who?”, “what?”, “when?”, “where?”, “why?”, “how?”;
• use the PTS technique for additional ideas, information and comments. This means that you need to start with the Positive aspects of the interlocutor's proposal, then find the Interesting and only then turn to the Negative aspects of his ideas.

Building communication skills takes both time and patience.

Non-reflective listening- consists in the ability to be attentively silent, not to interfere in the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks. It is used in such situations of communication when one of the interlocutors wants to express his attitude to a particular event, has difficulty in expressing his problems. But it can be mistakenly interpreted as agreement with the interlocutor, so at the end it is necessary to express your point of view in order to avoid misunderstandings.

Reflective listening- suggests that if the interlocutor has already spoken, then it is necessary to repeat the main points of his monologue in his own words and ask if he meant it. This is guaranteed to protect you from any ambiguities and misunderstandings.

Reflective listening is objective feedback from the speaker, used as a control of the accuracy of perception of what is heard.

The need for reflective listening is determined, first of all, by the difficulties and limitations that arise in the process of communication. So sometimes it is difficult to establish what the speaker meant without knowing the specific meaning of the word for himself. The same word for the speaker and the listener can have different meanings, since the specific meaning of the word arises in the speaker's head, but is not contained in him.

"Encoded" meaning of most messages. What we communicate to each other has a certain meaning only for ourselves, and exactly the one that we put into it. By passing on our ideas, feelings, attitudes to others, we encode their meanings with the help of words. In order not to hurt our feelings and partner, we carefully select words, masking the main meaning, act with an eye on the situation. All this makes it difficult to express the thought so that the listener understands it correctly. Feedback (reflexive listening) is used to "decode" the message.

Reflective listening techniques:

Finding out is an appeal to the speaker for clarification. Clarification helps to make the message more understandable and contributes to a more accurate perception of it by the listener.

To clarify the meaning of individual statements, the listener can use the following key phrases:

"Please clarify this."

"Will you repeat it again?"

"I didn't understand".

"What did you mean?"

"Will you explain it?" and etc.

It should be remembered that these messages focus on the process of communication, but not on the personality of the interlocutor.

Paraphrasing

To paraphrase means to formulate the same idea differently.

The purpose of paraphrasing is the speaker's own formulation of the message to test its accuracy.

Paraphrasing can begin with the following words:

"As I understand you..."

“As I understand it, you say….”

“In your opinion….”

"You think…."

"You can correct me if I'm wrong, but…."

“In other words, do you think….”

When paraphrasing, it is important to select only the essential, main points of the message, otherwise the answer, instead of clarifying the understanding, will cause confusion. Paraphrasing the interlocutor, we should, first of all, be interested in the meaning and ideas, and not attitudes and feelings, which, as a rule, interfere with the perception of the main thing.

Reflection of feelings

In this technique, the emphasis is not on the content of the message, as in paraphrasing, but on the reflection by the listener of the feelings expressed by the speaker, his emotional state, attitudes. Reflecting the feelings of the interlocutor, we show him that we understand his condition, so the answers should be formulated, as far as possible, in your own words. To facilitate the reflective reflection of feelings, you can use the following introductory phrases:

“I think you feel….”

“You probably feel….”

"Don't you feel a little…."

In response to the emotional state of the speaker, the intensity of his feelings should be taken into account. You can understand the feelings of the interlocutor in different ways. First, one should pay attention to the words he uses that reflect his feelings, for example, sadness, joy, anger, etc. Secondly, you need to follow non-verbal means of communication. Thirdly, you should imagine how you felt in the place of the speaker.

Summary

Summarizing answers summarize the speaker's main ideas and feelings. This technique is applicable in long conversations, where paraphrasing and reflection are used relatively rarely. Summarizing statements help to connect fragments of a conversation into a semantic unity.

Typical opening phrases might be:

“What you have just said may mean….”

“Your main ideas, as I understand it, are….”

“To summarize what you have said, then….”

Summing up is especially appropriate in situations that arise when discussing disagreements, resolving conflicts, handling claims, or in situations where it is necessary to solve any problems during which a long discussion of an issue can become unnecessarily complicated or even reach a dead end.

Rules for good listening (according to I. Atvater)

Don't mistake silence for attention. If the interlocutor is silent, this does not mean that he is listening. He may be lost in his own thoughts.

Be physically alert. Maintain eye contact with him. Make sure your posture and gestures indicate what you are listening to.

Don't pretend you are listening. It's useless

Give the interlocutor time to speak.

Don't interrupt unnecessarily. If you need to interrupt someone in a serious conversation, then help restore the interlocutor's interrupted train of thought.

Don't jump to conclusions. This is one of the main barriers to effective communication. Refrain from judgments and try to understand the train of thought of the interlocutor to the end.

Don't be overly sensitive to emotional words. When listening to a highly agitated interlocutor, do not be influenced by his feelings, otherwise you may miss the meaning of the message.

Do not focus on the conversational features of the interlocutor

The type of listening in which the reflection of information comes to the fore is called active reflective listening. Reflective listening involves analyzing the information received in the process of listening and instantly responding to it with the help of questions or replicas. Reflection (from Lat ge/1ex!o - reflection) is the process of self-knowledge by the subject of internal mental acts and states; the process of thinking a person about what is happening in his own mind; propensity for introspection. This type of listening in communication is considered the most constructive. Here, such an organization of interaction is carried out in which partners understand each other better: they speak out more and more meaningfully, check and clarify their understanding of information, the degree of mutual understanding.

The most common techniques that characterize active listening are constant clarification of the correct understanding of the information that the interlocutor wants to convey to you by asking questions like “Did I understand you correctly, what? ..”, paraphrases “So you want to say ...” or "In other words, you meant...".

The use of such simple communication techniques allows you to achieve two goals at once:

• 1) adequate feedback is provided, which allows to eliminate barriers, distortion of information, demonstrate empathy, sympathy, desire to help, there is confidence that the information transmitted by the interlocutor is correctly understood;
• 2) indirectly, the interlocutor is informed that he has an equal partner in front of him. Taking an equal partnership position means that both interlocutors must be responsible for their every word. This goal is usually achieved faster than the first, especially in those cases when you are dealing with an authoritarian, tough interlocutor who is used to communicating from a “pedestal” position. The use of active listening skills will greatly help someone who is characterized by the position of a “victim”: in this way, he not only knocks the authoritarian interlocutor out of his usual position, but also raises him to the level of an equal conversation with a partner, makes it possible to focus on the essential points of the conversation, and not on his own feelings and fears.

In communication, not only words, but also gestures can have several meanings, and, accordingly, listeners can be understood differently. There are situations when the speaker, especially when excited, gets confused in words, gives too much vent to feelings that are expressed in confused gestures - all this can distort the meaning of statements so much that the speaker himself ceases to understand what he actually wanted to say.

Some people, afraid to speak directly and openly or to be misunderstood, to seem ridiculous, stupid or strange, to face condemnation, disapproval, prefer to maneuver words, pile them up to confuse, hiding the true motives of their speech, and create incredible difficulties for the listener. Many prefer to talk about the information that is most important to them only when they are sure that they will be heard, tried to understand and will not be judged. This is especially true for young people who, having once opened up to someone, did not meet mutual understanding and stopped believing in adults, parents and teachers.

In order to ensure understanding, the listener, using verbal and non-verbal means, must let the transmitting information (the speaker) know what exactly is perceived accurately and what is distorted so that he can correct his message and make it even more understandable. It is this exchange of direct and feedback signals that constitutes the process of active reflective listening.

The listening style of each person depends on many factors: on gender and age, status, individual characteristics (character, temperament, interests, etc.), on a specific situation.

How to manage others, how to manage yourself. Sheinov Viktor Pavlovich

Reflective and non-reflective listening

Reflective and non-reflective listening

The Latin word "reflexus" means "reflected".

Distinguish between reflective and non-reflexive listening.

Non-reflexive listening consists in the ability to be attentively silent, without interfering with the interlocutor's speech with your remarks.

Non-reflective listening is useful in situations where the interlocutor:

burning with a desire to speak;

wants to discuss what worries him most;

has difficulty expressing his thoughts and concerns;

is a person in a higher position.

Reflective listening is characterized by active feedback from the speaker. It allows you to more accurately understand the interlocutor. The difficulties that stand in the way of understanding stem from the following reasons:

prejudice (often we hear what we would like to hear, but perceive the other with difficulty);

the ambiguity of most words (they can be understood in different ways, depending on the preliminary expectation or setting);

inability to accurately formulate an idea;

"encoded^" meanings of some messages: we carefully choose words so as not to offend someone or so that they are understood only by the person to whom they are addressed; as a result, the addressee does not understand the true meaning of the message;

the speaker does not always start with the main thing, "beats around the bush"; when it comes to the main thing, the listener has already lost interest in the message.

Types of reflective listening:

-» clarification ("What do you mean?", "Specify, please", etc.);

paraphrasing ("In other words...", "In your opinion", "I understand you are talking about...", etc.);

_” reflection of feelings (“You probably feel ...”, “I see that you are very upset by this”, etc.);

-> summary ("To summarize everything that has been said, then...").

C Role Records

During a business conversation, it is customary to take notes. This not only binds to the listening process, but is also a necessary element of business culture. In management [see, for example, 2, p. 170-172] there are corresponding aphorisms in this regard:

-> A notebook is for a business person, it's like a net for a fisherman."

-" "What is not written down on paper is empty dreams."

And this is no coincidence:

-> we forget 90% of what we hear, 50% of what we see and only 10% of what we do. By writing down, we both see and do, that is, we remember better.

But even this does not insure against forgetfulness: how many times, when reading our old notes, we perceive their content as completely unfamiliar.

Therefore, it has become an axiom in managerial culture to take notes during a business conversation. And a deviation from this rule is already perceived as disrespect for the interlocutor: it means that there is nothing valuable in his words.

l in rare habits

In addition to the objective ones mentioned above, there are also subjective moments that interfere with listening: passive, limp listening. Relaxed posture, sitting leaning back in a chair, soft seat.

It's very frustrating trying to do several things at once. In particular, some people have a habit of drawing something mechanically, shading, drawing while listening. This is a bad habit, because it distracts from the process of listening: a person quickly gets tired, loses the thread of reasoning and starts thinking about something else.

From the book Consciousness: Explore, Experiment, Practice author Stephens John

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From the book Emotional and Cognitive Development of a Child in Music Classes author Lipes Yulia Vladislavovna

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From the book On you with autism author Greenspan Stanley

Part I FOCUS AND LISTENING

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From the book How to overcome shyness author Zimbardo Philip George

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Active listening Through active listening, we try to understand the feelings of a teenager, the essence of his words. In practice, this means putting aside your own guesses, assumptions and theories for a while and directing all your attention to the emotional message of a girl or boy,

Types of listening. Ways of listening (reflective, non-reflective, empathic). The culture of listening.

Learn to listen - this is the most important condition for a correct understanding of the point of view of the interlocutor, and in general - the key to successful business communication. The real "art of listening" is manifested in the fact that the listener:

• always refrains from expressing his emotions while the speaker is presenting information;
• “helps” the speaker with encouraging gestures (nods), a smile, brief remarks, unobtrusively, but so that he continues the conversation.

Statistics say that 40% of the working time of modern administrators is devoted to listening, while 35% is spent on speaking, 16% on reading, and 9% on writing. However, only 25% of managers really know how to listen.

Everything affects the ability to listen: the personality of a person, hischaracter , interests, gender, age, specific situation, etc.

Interference with hearing

Conversation createshearing interference:

Internal interference - the inability to turn off your thoughts, which seem much more significant and important than what the partner is saying right now; an attempt to insert one's own line into the speaker's monologue in order to create a dialogue; mental preparation of a response (usually objections);

External interference with listening, for example, the interlocutor does not speak loudly enough or in a whisper at all, has bright mannerisms that distract from the essence of his speech, monotonously “mumbles” or, conversely, “swallows” words, speak with an accent, twirls foreign objects in his hands, constantly glances at his watch, fussing, etc. External mechanical interference includes: traffic noise, sounds of repairs, constant peeking into the office of strangers, phone calls, as well as uncomfortable indoor conditions (hot or cold), poor acoustics, unpleasant odors; distracting surroundings or scenery, bad weather; even the color of the walls in the room plays an important role: red is annoying, dark gray is depressing, yellow is relaxing, etc.

Types of listening

American communication researchers have identified four types of listening:

directional (critical) - the listener first critically analyzes the received message, and then tries to understand it. This is useful in cases where various kinds of decisions, projects, ideas, opinions, etc. are discussed, as it allows you to select the most useful information from a given point of view, but it is not very promising when new information is discussed, new knowledge is communicated, because , tuning in to the rejection of information (namely, this is what criticism implies), the listener will not be able to focus his attention on the valuable that it contains; with such a hearing, there is no interest in information; about

empathic - the listener “reads” feelings more than words. This is effective if the speaker evokes positive emotions in the listener, but is unpromising if the speaker evokes negative emotions in his own words;

non-reflexive listening involves minimal interference with the speaker's speech with maximum focus on it. This is useful in situations where the partner seeks to express his point of view, attitude to something, wants to discuss pressing issues, experiences negative emotions; when it is difficult for him to express in words what worries him or he is shy, unsure of himself;

Active (reflexive) listening is characterized by establishing feedback with the speaker through: questioning - a direct appeal to the speaker, which is carried out using a variety of questions; paraphrasing - stating the same thought in other words, so that the speaker can assess whether he was understood correctly; reflections of feelings, when the listener focuses not on the content of the message, but on the feelings and emotions that the speaker expresses; summarizing - summing up what was heard (summary), which makes it clear to the speaker that his main thoughts are understood and perceived.

Ability to listen to the interlocutor

success communication largely depends not only on the ability to convey information, but also on the ability to perceive it, i.e. listen.

One wise man said that we have two ears and one mouth, and they should be used in this proportion, i.e. listening twice as much as talking. In practice, it turns out the opposite.

The idea that you can listen in different ways, and “listen” and “hear” are not the same thing, is fixed in the Russian language by the very fact that there are different words for effective and ineffective listening. All owners of healthy and efficient hearing organs can hear, but in order to learn how to listen, training is needed.

Lack of listening skills is the main cause of ineffective communication, and it is this that leads to misunderstandings, mistakes and problems. With seeming simplicity (some people think that listening means just keeping quiet), listening is a complex process that requires significant psychological energy costs, certain skills and a general communicative culture.

There are two types of listening in the literature: non-reflexive and reflective.

Non-reflective listeningthis is the ability to be attentively silent, not interfering with the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks. Listening of this kind is especially useful when the interlocutor shows such deep feelings as anger or grief, is eager to express his point of view, wants to discuss pressing issues. Answers in non-reflective listening should be kept to a minimum such as “Yes!”, “Well, well!”, “Continue”, “Interesting”, etc.

In business, as in any other communication, a combination of non-reflective and reflective listening is important.Reflective listeningis the process of deciphering the meaning of messages. Reflexive answers help to find out the real meaning of the message, among which there are clarification, paraphrasing, reflection of feelings and summarizing.

Finding out is an appeal to the speaker for clarification using key phrases such as: "I did not understand", "What do you mean?", "Please clarify this", etc.

Paraphrasing- the speaker's own wording of the message to check its accuracy. Key phrases: "As I understand you...", "Do you think that...", "In your opinion...".

At reflection of feelingsthe emphasis is on the listener reflecting the emotional state of the speaker with the help of phrases: “You probably feel ...”, “You are somewhat upset ...”, etc.

When summarizing the main ideas and feelings of the speaker are summarized, for which the phrases are used: “Your main ideas, as I understand it, are ...”, “If you now summarize what you said, then ...”. Summarizing is appropriate in situations when discussing disagreements at the end of a conversation, during a long discussion of an issue, at the end of a conversation.

Common Listening Mistakes

Scattered attention.There is a misconception that you can do two things at the same time. For example, write a report and listen to your colleague. From time to time, you can nod, depicting attention to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. But attention is focused on the report, and the person only vaguely imagines what the interlocutor is talking about. You can avoid the distracted attention trap by prioritizing: choosing the activity that is more important.

Screening occurs when an opinion is formed in advance about what the interlocutor is trying to say. As a result, attention is drawn to only that information that confirms the first impression, and everything else is discarded as irrelevant or insignificant. You can avoid this trap only if you approach any conversation with an open mind, without making any initial suggestions and conclusions.

interruption interlocutor during his message. Most people interrupt each other unconsciously. Managers often interrupt subordinates, and men - women. When interrupting, you need to try to immediately restore the train of thought of the interlocutor.

Hasty objectionsoften arise when disagreeing with the statements of the speaker. Often a person does not listen, but mentally formulates an objection and waits for the turn to speak. Then he is carried away by the justification of his point of view and does not notice what the interlocutor was really trying to say.

Active listening should:

• stay open-minded. Any comments, especially of a critical nature, increase the interlocutor's reluctance to talk about problems that deeply affect him. This will also make it difficult to identify his real feelings, motives and needs;
• study the facial expression of the interlocutor, his gestures and posture, revealing the degree of his truthfulness;
• pay attention to the tone of the message. Any discrepancy between content and form may indicate deeply hidden feelings;
• listen to more than just words. Important parts of the message are often conveyed by pauses, emphasis, and hesitation. Long pauses and repetitions betray alarm;
• make it easier for reticent, shy, or slightly tongue-tied interlocutors by inserting encouraging comments into their monologues, such as “I understand”, “of course”. At the same time smile, look at the interlocutor and take an interested look;
• try to put yourself in the position of an interlocutor, look at the situation through his eyes and hear everything with his words;
• check your understanding of what you heard with the help of questions: “who?”, “what?”, “when?”, “where?”, “why?”, “how?”;
• use the PTS technique for additional ideas, information and comments. This means that you need to start with the Positive aspects of the interlocutor's proposal, then find the Interesting and only then turn to the Negative aspects of his ideas.

Building communication skills takes both time and patience.