How great it would be to live in a world where mutual understanding, harmony reign and everyone understands each other perfectly. Alas, life is arranged a little differently, and some people are very annoying to us - just like ourselves, perhaps annoying someone.

1. They admit that they may not like everyone.

Sooner or later you will come across a person who will have a completely opposite point of view. Smart people understand this. They also recognize that conflicts or disagreements can even be beneficial, as they show differences of opinion.

Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean they are a bad person. You disagree on some things, but disputes sometimes come up with new solutions. Once you recognize that it is impossible to please everyone and please everyone, emotions will fade into the background and this will help you learn to listen to other people's opinions.

2. They are patient with someone they don't like.

Of course, you can react sharply to any action of a person unpleasant to you, get annoyed because of any little thing, but still try to be a little more tolerant.

Hang out with people who aren't afraid to argue. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Such people challenge or provoke us, which helps us achieve our goals and move forward. Remember that you are not perfect, but still others tolerate you.

3. They are polite.

Regardless of how you feel about someone, the person will most likely be attuned to you in exactly the same way that you are to them. If you are rude, you are more likely to get rude in return. "Keep your record" and be polite without letting your emotions get the better of you.

4. They understand that everyone does things differently.

Sometimes we expect too much from others. For some reason, we selfishly assume that others will do exactly the same as we would do in this or that situation, or say the same thing that we ourselves would say. However, this is not true. Expecting others to behave the same way is tantamount to setting yourself up in advance to disappointment and despair.

Tune in to the fact that each person does the same things in their own way. Another time you will be psychologically ready, and the habits of others will no longer be a surprise to you. Smart people do this all the time and are not surprised by other people's behavior.

5. They are focused on myself

Instead of getting angry at the person again, try focusing on why you are reacting the way you do. Sometimes what we don't like about someone, we don't like about ourselves. These people simply hurt our sore spots.

Try to find your pain points. At another time, you will be able to anticipate, soften or even change your reaction. Remember, it's easier to change your perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors than it is to change someone else.

6. They pause and take a deep breath.

Some people's habits can just drive us crazy. Perhaps your colleague regularly fails to complete tasks on time, or you have a friend who is terribly annoying with stupid jokes.

Instead of once again wasting your own nerve cells, slow down and take a deep breath. This will help you calm down and prevent you from overreacting, thus allowing you to turn your head.

7. They talk about what they need.

If some people constantly hurt you, try to calmly talk to them about it. Avoid accusatory phrases and use the construction "When you ... I feel ..." For example, "When you interrupt me during meetings, I feel like you do not value my opinion." And then take a moment and wait for an answer.

And then you may be surprised to find out that the other person did not understand that you did not finish your speech, or your colleague was so excited about his new idea that he interrupted you enthusiastically.

8. They know how to keep their distance.

If all methods fail, smart people are adept at keeping their distance from those they don't like. Just go your own way. Perhaps in the future you will have the desire and opportunity to build a relationship with this person, so don't move away too far.

You are not 15 for a long time, but the feeling that your loved one (parents, grandmother, older brother) makes your life unbearable does not let go. All your attempts to communicate have come to nothing. It doesn’t matter why: maybe this same relative is just an emotional rapist and doesn’t want to negotiate, but wants to ruin your life. Or just a bad character and a hard fate for a person, and you sob into the pillow at night, trying to understand what is to blame. The important thing is that you would be much happier if you interrupted or reduced communication to a minimum. However, the fear of condemnation crosses out all the arguments of reason. After all, we hear from childhood that swearing with relatives is bad. Because there is nothing more important than family, and friends and others like them come and go. In the end, what will people think?

If a person is unpleasant to you - think about yourself

“In such cases, we are talking about respecting personal boundaries,” the family psychotherapist Marina Travkova is sure. “You can run away from your relatives to distant lands, but the tension will still remain. Therefore, first you need to hear yourself, without closing your eyes to your own discomfort, and finally choose who is dearer to you: you or all those people who "say something". It is impossible to please everyone, therefore a person who sets himself such a task is trapped. Such a lifestyle deprives joy, strength and health. It is born, as a rule, where a person was taught from childhood to be "the right one" and inspired that "not like that, wrong, no one needs him." Remind yourself that you are no longer a helpless baby. For a child, it is mortally scary to receive who he loves and who he depends on. But you have grown up. And if someone is upset by your behavior, then, most likely, neither you nor the upset person will die from this. Gently but confidently explain that you, of course, relatives, but such a situation would no longer satisfied. Get ready to resist - usually the behavior of "bear me anyway" is very pleasant to the one who practices it, and your loved one will not simply refuse it. You still can’t be good for everyone, and in this situation, someone should show indifference to you, and this someone, most likely, is you yourself.

Is it necessary to communicate with an unpleasant person?

This is generally the most popular excuse for those who tolerate both a despot husband and a boorish neighbor. There is a sea of ​​various “needs” that are carried out without thinking about who needs it and, in fact, for what. It is necessary to get married, build a dizzying career, travel around the world. One of these "shoulds" is the indispensable friendship with newly-made relatives and "friends of friends", as well as with their other halves. The usual neutral-respectful attitude and polite conversations in rare meetings are not suitable. It's friendship. And it does not matter that we choose husbands and friends according to common interests, mutual sympathy and other compatibility, and all the rest are included, as they are. And mutual love may not work out. Or there will be mutual dislike. Simply put, you are not ready and do not want to be related to them, but you continue to put on a good face in a bad game, supporting yourself with arguments: “we are one family”, “I was brought up this way” and “everyone does it”.

“If you dig deep,” says psychologist Marina Vershkova, “then the “it’s necessary” program has been pre-installed with us since childhood. This behavior was typical of the generation of our grandmothers and mothers, and we inherited it. And if you look at the surface, then this is the most common attempt take control of the opinions of others about you.You selflessly make friends with the inner circle of the person you love, in this way trying to say: "I'm good, I'm doing everything right. But try to listen to your desires and determine which way of communicating with these people suits you most of all. This way it will be easier to understand that you don’t need such communication.”

Try to speak frankly with the unpleasant person

Perhaps you yourself do not want to tenderly be friends with distant relatives and husbands of friends, but others expect this from you. Those whom you love very much and do not want to offend. For example, your man. You make a lot of efforts, trying to be good for everyone, but in the end you are constantly nervous and you yourself are offended by him - because a loved one does not understand you, does not see how bad you feel in the presence of his mother. Such a situation may well end in a spoiled relationship, for the benefit of which you tried so hard. Some call it female wisdom, which, however, is customary to cover up anything, from the fear of changing one's life for the better to outright stupidity.

Marianna Volkova, a practicing psychologist, a specialist in family and individual psychology, advises: “Understand that all your“ sacrifices ”in the name of general peace are absolutely in vain. While you suffer in silence, others are sure that everything is in order, and if one day you try to present their sufferings as some kind of feat for the sake of a loved one, most likely they simply won’t understand you. Agree, it’s strange to do what you don’t want to, and at the same time remain silent. Sooner or later you will simply explode and throw out everything that has accumulated over a long time, not controlling emotions. At the same time, the truth will not be on your side: after all, if you have not shown dissatisfaction before, it means that everything suited you. And suddenly - an unexpected scene. personality of an unpleasant person, but on your own feelings and emotions. Compromise can always be found, but any compromise begins with a frank conversation." It is possible that the one you are so afraid of offending will really try to be offended. If a loved one stubbornly refuses to listen to you and your desires, it remains just to put him before the fact and remind you that you are also a living person and have the right to psychological comfort.

Is habit second nature? Just not in this case.

You communicate with a colleague from times that no one else in the team remembers. But some years have passed - and you have no common interests left. Or, moreover, you become uncomfortable - instead of the usual joy, you experience only irritation. It would seem that everything is obvious: communication should be curtailed or reduced to infrequent meetings with conversations about the weather and nature. But in reality, everything is not so cloudless.

“If you don’t just disagree, but you actually experience negative emotions when communicating with a person, it’s better to gradually reduce contact to nothing,” says Marianna Volkova. “People change over time, and perhaps you really don’t way. Of course, it's a shame to refuse a friend with whom he spent so much time. But often we are afraid of losing not the person himself, but communication as a ritual that accompanied every stage of our life. " Such relationships can often be compared to many years of marriage, in which feelings have become a habit. You will most likely be sorry and insulting to interrupt them. In this case, it helps to think about the feelings of the opponent. After all, a person sincerely believes that everything is as before, and strives for communication. So even out of respect for your many years of friendship, stop pretending everything is okay. You have two options: either be honest about your feelings, or gently curtail the conversation to a level where you feel comfortable. The main thing is not to try to turn a blind eye to the situation.

Secrets of disguise from an unpleasant person

In fairness, it should be said that simply cutting off all contacts with an unpleasant person is not always realistic. It is unlikely that you will be able to openly tell the boss that you no longer want to see him and that all work questions are now by corporate mail. We'll have to find a way to adjust. Let's say a citizen doesn't do anything bad to you personally, but at the same time he's terribly annoying. You are looking for a clue, but you do not see it - it just infuriates, that's all. “If you feel irritation in the company of a certain person for no apparent reason, you should first understand yourself,” Elena Kuzeeva hints. “Perhaps the unfortunate person has nothing to do with it. to which unpleasant emotions are connected. Or you feel inferior in some area next to him. Perhaps you had some expectations about him, and they were not justified. After identifying and realizing the causes of irritation, unpleasant emotions can completely disappear. " If you understand perfectly well what exactly pisses you off, it remains to try to minimize the damage. Marianna Volkova advises to treat every meeting with an unpleasant person as, for example, going to the dentist - so-so joy, but necessary. “It helps a lot to realize that of the two of you, only you spend nerve cells. And he doesn’t give a damn about the fact that he annoys you.”

Every day we communicate with a huge number of people. Unfortunately, it is impossible to always meet only with those who are dear to you, close or just pleasant to talk to. Quite often there are situations when the interlocutor is unpleasant for you for some reason, but you have to communicate with him regularly. Emotions at such moments are difficult to hide, but still, you can use a few tips to reduce your dislike a little.

First, determine the reason for your relationship with this person. In this case, the main role can be played by external data, some distinctive manners of behavior, the attitude of a person towards you at the moment of communication. It is likely that this interlocutor behaves incorrectly towards you, for example, makes offensive jokes about you, sarcastically, makes unreasonable remarks. In any case, if during a conversation with this person you experience a feeling of discomfort, then this should be reported. This must be done as correctly as possible so that hostility does not develop into constant conflicts. Tactfully hint to the interlocutor that you do not like some moments in his behavior.

The easiest way to rid yourself of communication with unpleasant people is to distance them from yourself as much as possible. For example, if you have to see a person every day and he is your colleague, then try to schedule your working day in such a way that your communication is minimal. And at some points, you can even begin to ignore it. For example, if you are communicating with someone on a work issue, and an unpleasant interlocutor is trying in every way to intervene, then just try not to react either to his words or to his presence. If the interference in the conversation becomes persistent and intrusive, then ask the unpleasant colleague to attend to his job duties.

Another situation is if an unpleasant person is not only present in your circle of friends, but is also one of your close relatives. In such a situation, it is not always possible to limit meetings, sometimes they are forced. However, it is much easier to sort things out with a relative than with an ordinary acquaintance or work colleague. It is likely that the attitude towards you is due to some particular situation.

The best ways to influence an unpleasant person is to use a sense of humor and remove him from yourself as much as possible. As soon as the interlocutor tries to offend or offend you with something, try to turn his act into a joke, you can even make fun of his behavior. Thus, you will not only put the offender in an awkward position, but also give a kind of rebuff to his attack. The main thing is to never react to provocations, just try not to notice the person you don’t like, not to react to his words, not to respond with aggression to aggression.

Today I will tell you how to tolerate people you hate, who annoy you. Often we are surrounded by people of society whom we cannot avoid. Then we have to put up with their qualities that annoy us. It happens that friends, wives or husbands, the people closest to us, have shortcomings that are difficult to tolerate.

On the one hand, we love these people and we want their company, but on the other hand, they often behave in a way that we do not like. How to deal with your irritation about someone else's behavior, other people's shortcomings? This will be discussed in this article.

When should we not endure?

I will say right away that I am not going to help you become opportunists who will endure any circumstances and any people without trying to change anything. Still, in some situations it is necessary to solve the problem, and not look for ways to kill the bitterness and irritation associated with people's behavior.

If the situation can be corrected, then it must be corrected. If a colleague is constantly rude to you, it is better to talk to him about this, instead of silently enduring. If your husband offends you, then you need to try to influence him, change his behavior, in extreme cases, by setting your own ultimatum. After all, you will live with this person for many years, will you not endure what is difficult to endure?

But, unfortunately, we cannot influence everything, and we have to endure some things. For example, these are some of the shortcomings of our friends, the presence of which does not create a big problem, but sometimes annoys us. This is boorish, unfriendly behavior of strangers on the street. These are annoying habits of your co-workers, habits that they are not going to get rid of.

But it also happens that the problem is not only in other people, but also in you. For example, your colleague annoys only you and no one else, simply because you yourself dislike him or envy him, or are too irritable, or see nothing in him but his shortcomings, or you just always have a bad mood.

Sometimes it's better to fix a problem than to endure it. But, sometimes, the right way out is to show tolerance towards people. In some cases, we have to change our attitude towards people in order to change irritation and anger into tolerance and goodwill.

But, in any case, in situations where the problem cannot be solved, it is better to experience positive emotions, or at least not experience negative emotions, than to be angry and annoyed. Negative emotions use up your moral strength, shackle and limit your mind.

And if you cannot change some people or avoid their company, then it is better to learn not to spoil your mood with their presence and their behavior, learn to tolerate them. It is better to remain joyful and unperturbed than angry and annoyed because of other people's problems.

Treat people as challenges

I will talk about this method first of all, as it helps me a lot. When I feel annoyed about someone's actions, I immediately begin to think of people as tests, as opportunities to learn something, develop my abilities and get rid of shortcomings.

If you have a meeting with a person who pisses you off, use this as an opportunity to learn how to control your own anger. After all, you can’t learn this when you don’t feel this anger!

Use communication with your friend, who earns much more than you and allows himself such expenses that you do not even think about, as a way to deal with your envy.

If contacts with some people only make you want to face them in a heated argument, then try to extract from these meetings only positive experience of self-control and tolerance towards other people's opinions.

Instead of being carried away by your feelings of anger and annoyance, try to analyze them, understand and prevent them. Let meeting other people become your training of your abilities!

Remember, often the source of your emotions is not other people, but yourself. Negative feelings arise in you not only because the other person is bad and behaves inappropriately, but also because you allow him to piss you off. It is not entirely correct to say that someone makes you angry with their actions. You yourself get angry in response to someone's actions! You alone are responsible for your emotions. (But that doesn't mean you have to tolerate every person's actions. The problem isn't necessarily always with you, as I wrote above.)

And you can control these emotions.

Therefore, when meeting people with whom you feel anger, envy, resentment, you are actually confronting your inner “demons”.

These "demons" cannot be defeated without facing them.

If you perceive unpleasant people as tests that life sends you, giving you a chance to become better, then it will be easier for you to be patient with such people. After all, you will see in such meetings not another reason for frustration, but a chance to work on yourself, correct your own shortcomings, a chance for yourself, and not for someone else!

And this will fill you with the will and motivation for tolerance.

Be sincere

Nothing exacerbates the friction between people so much as secrecy, closeness in conditions of mutual tension. Try, if possible, to bring up for joint discussion the problems of misunderstanding between each other. With hints and actions on the sly, you will never achieve what you can achieve with sincere and constructive conversation.

Of course, such a conversation is not always possible due to social restrictions. With many people you will not be able to talk heart to heart.

In your imagination, you can think of a person as bad as you like. But after talking with him, you can often find that his personality is not at all consistent with your ideas.

An open dialogue will help two people understand each other. Speaking of understanding...

Try to understand other people

If you try to understand the actions of other people, instead of immediately criticizing and condemning them, then you will find that a person’s actions are natural consequences of his thoughts, mental state and worldview.

This is a pretty obvious idea, but let's stop there. Anger and frustration are usually caused by the abyss of misunderstanding, namely the fact that you cannot put yourself in the place of another person, so some of his actions seem inexplicable, vile and deserving of condemnation to you.

Imagine being rude to you by some older woman on the subway. I agree that it is very difficult to put yourself in her shoes unless you are a rude older woman yourself. But you can at least a little guess the state of such a person.

With age, people develop health problems that have a bad effect on their emotional state. All day long the woman who was rude to you spends in lines where she communicates with people who are just as dissatisfied with their lives.

Most likely, there are still some problems in her life, like other people, only for her, due to her age, it is harder to abstract from them. Her mind is no longer so well aware of the difference between good and bad. She does not know how to be aware of her emotions and transfers her irritation and discontent to other people. It seems to her that other people owe her boundless respect only because of her age.

If you try to understand the other person even a little bit, you will become aware of two things.

First, his anger and malice are the logical consequences of himself. It cannot be said that they are strictly caused by your actions. Their source is a set of internal features of a given person. At the same time, this person himself considers his actions correct and fair! He does not see meanness and malice in them.

He does this not because he is some kind of evil or mean, but because of many, many reasons! The actions of each person have their own internal reasons! And if these reasons are at least a little bit represented, we will experience less anger than if we perceive other people's actions in isolation, in isolation from the causes that cause them.

In this context, this act will not be mean, but rather, natural. And such actions are much easier to endure.

Secondly, it will be easier for you to put yourself in the place of another person and, thanks to this, show more understanding towards him. And if you begin to empathize with a person, feel him, understand that you yourself can experience the same thing that he experiences, then your anger and resentment will go away.

Yes, you are not an old woman, but have you never been angry for an empty reason? Haven't the pressures at work ever provoked you to take out your anger on others? Haven't you ever been stubborn by not admitting your own guilt that took place?

Perhaps in your case, irritation never reached such a limit (although who knows), but still, you probably experienced something similar. Therefore, you can understand it. Remembering that you yourself experienced such emotions, you realize that you are not perfect and that the behavior that you condemn is also characteristic of you, although perhaps not in such an acute form.

Very often, people who criticize others for their shortcomings have similar shortcomings themselves.

Therefore, before you get annoyed because of other people's actions, try to understand the person and put yourself in his place. Think about it, have you yourself never behaved in a similar way?

Speaking about the reasons that determine behavior, I did not try to say that people are not to blame for anything, since their actions are always dictated by the state of their psyche. On the contrary, I stand on the position that a person himself is responsible for his actions. At this point, I spoke exclusively about understanding the motives, about empathy, and not about removing responsibility from someone.

Approach people with a sense of humor

I noticed how much my perception of the shortcomings of some people I have known for a long time has changed. If earlier they irritated me and even infuriated me, now I began to treat them kindly and with humor.

I was very pleased with this change in me, because I felt that thanks to this I did not fall into anger and retained my good mood and goodwill. It's much better than being angry!

So now I try to treat other people's shortcomings with a good laugh. When I talk about the need to approach people with humor, I mean kind, a little condescending tenderness, and not contemptuous and arrogant mockery.

I used to hate other people's boasting. I thought: "what does he think of himself, what does he allow himself." And now the same people give me only positive emotions. I enjoy watching them, I see their boasting more as an amusing quality than an annoying flaw. And the feelings that arise in me are more like affection for the behavior of a child than frustration.

Notice how people are funny and a little ridiculous in their weaknesses. Notice that you yourself can be funny and funny. Find a reason for humor, not for resentment.

Don't dwell on criticism

I know from experience that criticizing other people can be very addicting. Our imperfect mind finds some secret pleasure in the endless blaming of other people, in discussing their shortcomings. We tend to look for excuses to tell ourselves that others are worse than us in some way.

If you get carried away by criticizing others, their shortcomings, then people will turn into walking shortcomings for you. If you look at the bad human sides for a long time, then they will acquire grandiose proportions for you, and you will not notice anything good behind them.

Stop criticizing, "washing the bones", gossiping behind your back and weaving intrigues. It won't make you happier!

See all the good things in people!

Being more calm, harmonious, joyful and, as a result, more tolerant of people will help you.

The famous commandment “Love your neighbor” is a high spiritual landmark for me. And I want it to be the same for you, regardless of your religion. It's not easy to love people. Love for one's neighbor should be cultivated and developed in oneself for a long time. And the source of this love will not be other people, but yourself. When you are, these feelings will begin to be projected onto the entire outside world!

Conclusion

In conclusion, I would like to say once again that you do not need to endure any circumstances. If the situation is unbearable, then try to solve it. Aim specifically at solving the problem, not at frustration or insults.

Try to change the circumstances, first of all, and only then to prove something to someone. If someone offends you at work, direct your efforts to ensure that this does not happen again, instead of taking revenge on the offender and exacerbating the conflict.

Be calm, do not let someone else's anger inflame anger and other negative emotions in yourself. Don't let random people decide what your mood will be.

Look for effective ways to resolve conflicts. Problems with other people can either be solved by influencing other people, or ignored, or excluded from your life, or eliminate the problem in yourself.

There are several options besides "just endure". Which one to choose, decide for yourself, based on your experience, reason and intuition. The main thing is less feelings. Be constructive, not emotional. And then your mind will tell you the right decision.

Limiting the circle of communication only to close people and friends will not work. Every day you have to contact with different people, and among them there are frankly unpleasant.

We need to learn how to communicate with such people. How to deal with an unpleasant person?

Determine the reason for the dislike

Is the person being rude to you, criticizing for no reason, making remarks, or do some other personal qualities cause your disgust?

Very often, people don't like you just because they are a reflection of your own shortcomings.

The person may not realize that their behavior may be inconvenient for you. You can tell him about it, but correctly, and not get personal.

Limit Communication

The easiest option to limit communication with an unpleasant person is to meet less with him. If this is a colleague, then organize your work so that you see him less often and engage in conversations less.

Communication should be limited to business matters only. If the interlocutor is trying to draw you into a conflict, then politely and calmly return the conversation to the topic of work.

When a relative or close person annoys you, it is not always possible to minimize contacts. Talk to him - perhaps his behavior has its own reason, quite understandable and convincing. Often, the cause of a bad relationship is an unfinished conflict that you have forgotten about.

Use humor

Imagine the offender as a piglet with a piglet or Cheburashka. Answer his attacks with non-offensive jokes, which will help reduce the intensity of the conflict and transfer it to another plane.

Have pity on a person who is unpleasant to you, because it is so hard and difficult for him to live in constant quarrels and disputes and conflicts.

Don't stoop to your opponent's level

There is no need to respond to aggression or boasting. Your main weapon is restraint and dignity. Unexpectedly give him a sincere compliment, and try to find positive qualities in him. Don't let yourself be provoked. You will still lose in dealing with a professional boor, but the unpleasant feeling will remain.

How to behave with an unpleasant person - stop the conversation if you have begun to be drawn into a scandal, announce that you do not want to communicate in this form. Be balanced and self-confident, remember your virtues.

Manage the scenario yourself: find a common language with your opponent, throw him into confusion with a witty remark or just leave - decide for yourself.

Video: How to deal with an unpleasant person

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