- 4 approaches to combat shyness
- How to overcome shyness. Psychologist's advice
How to quickly get rid of shyness
- Top 10 steps to combat shyness

Shyness is a complex problem and in order to get rid of it, various methods and techniques will be required. However, the most important thing for success is a firm intention to change your life.

To cope with shyness and get rid of it forever, get ready for daily work and conscious efforts on yourself. First of all, analyze what causes you an attack of embarrassment, what you are most embarrassed about. Maybe it's your appearance or your inability to speak correctly and beautifully, or maybe you consider yourself not smart and successful enough.

In order not to be the cause of embarrassment, immediately remember that the main reason is yourself. After all, the people around you think only about themselves, so you should not perceive everything that they do or say in relation to you.

A dismissive attitude, rudeness or a sharp shout can be caused by the fact that a person does not have a life, bad luck or a bad day, so remember this before you feel that you are not so good and everyone can offend you.

Think in advance what you have to do the next day, write a to-do list. Analyze them to the smallest detail, try to live them mentally. This will help relieve the feeling of novelty, which often causes embarrassment and timidity.

If you have scheduled meetings with strangers, think about what questions you can ask them, what to talk about. You can rehearse the upcoming meeting in front of a mirror. Knowing what to ask, you will stop feeling awkward and nervous. Also remember that most people don't like to listen, but to talk, so let them do it, then you will become a very pleasant conversationalist. Write down your positive qualities on a piece of paper and reread it as often as possible.

How to quickly get rid of shyness

Action #1: Analyze yourself.
First, determine what you are embarrassed about. Write down on a piece of paper all your insecure actions or situations in which you experience shyness.

The main reason for your embarrassment is yourself, not the world around you. After you have identified your weaknesses, proceed to the next step.

Action number 2. Reflections and thoughts.
Know that all people think more about themselves than about your personality. Most people who are shy or insecure think about what other people will think of me if I do this or that action. Know that other people don't care what you do or don't do. This is your choice, your life. Stop thinking about what other people think of you.

Action number 3. Communication.
If you are shy in communication, start to communicate. Start talking, ask questions, and listen to your interlocutor without interrupting, this is the main thing. By overcoming your fear, you thereby fight shyness.

Action number 4. Your strengths.
Throw away your negative sides, focus on the positive sides of your personality. Work on yourself constantly.

Action number 5. Strong weapon!
Sit down and write down only positive beliefs about yourself. Make up as many positive beliefs as you can. Now put your list in a prominent place, and every morning read it three times loudly and with emotion. This exercise is very strong. It will help you structure your personality the way you want it.

Remember! Whatever we think about the most, we are. To change something in yourself, you need only a small step! The main thing is to act, do not delay!

Action #6: Your resilience.
Be confident in any situation. Straighten your back, walk straight, look ahead, breathe deeply, speak loudly and confidently.

Action number 7. Your progress.
To boost your self-esteem and gain self-confidence, mark your victories in your personal success diary. When we achieve our goals, our confidence rises to a very high level, leaving shyness behind.

Action number 8. Fears.
The best way to overcome shyness is to take steps towards your personal fears. This is the best tool that gives you a tremendous boost in your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Action number 9. Your style and appearance.
We feel much more confident if we wear clothes that we think are expensive and beautiful. Good and high-quality clothes will give you self-confidence, which means that your constraint will evaporate.

Action #10: Get tested.
In each of us lives an actor who knows how to adapt to any situation. Take on the role of your favorite movie actor, where he/she plays the role of a confident and successful person. Look at how he (a) walks, how he speaks, what he does in this or that situation.

Now take on this image, and throughout the day, do what he (a) did in the movie. Those action, actions, voice, gestures, take everything upon yourself. You will see how not only your shyness disappears, but your mood also rises. Feel how you are being filmed, it will give you an unforgettable feeling. After all, on camera you should feel relaxed and confident.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site

Often we judge people who are unable to feel embarrassed in any situation. To us, they seem vulgar, overly liberated, and in some ways even arrogant. But on the other hand, you can have fun and interesting time with them, and such people always achieve success in life, since they are not afraid of difficulties.

A shy person is perceived by us as boring, withdrawn and uninteresting. And, unfortunately, in the soul of such people a lot of negative emotions accumulate, because they want to, but they don’t succeed. I will tell you how to overcome shyness, and I am sure that together we will cope with this problem.

At one time, excessive shyness was inherent in me. And in many situations, she gave me a feeling of discomfort, because new companies caused some spiritual fear, and communication with people was constrained and somehow ridiculous. Despite this, I had friends, but with whom I wanted to communicate - they considered me unsuitable for their circle. Envy of more successful people periodically appeared, I wanted to be in their places.

The most offensive was that in my soul I was liberated, I knew what to talk about with people in order to please them, I could take the initiative to lead the people. But some invisible barrier interfered, which literally silenced me.

I seriously thought about it, and said to myself that all this does not suit me. I do not want to be ashamed of people all my life, as this is a direct path to misfortune. I don't want to follow their backs, I want to get ahead. I have to change and I will!

The first step is the most terrible, because having embarked on the path of combating shyness, at first thoughts arise that nothing good will come of it, and the distant goal seems completely unattainable. But to make it easier for you to move towards the landmark, let's make a plan that will clearly demonstrate at what stage of the path we are in this moment:

• the realization that other people are no different from you;
• the perception of failures is not the end of the world, but life's trials;
• facing what you fear.

First of all, you need to realize that the people around you are absolutely no different from you. And if they are confident in themselves, they are considered interesting personalities, they can easily find a common language with anyone, then why are you worse? Stop fading behind them! You, too, can become the soul of the company, you can, you can lead the people.

Do not forget that even the most influential and respected people are just like you, they also need rest, food, sleep, they also have their own dreams and desires, and they also faced troubles in their lives.

Sometimes we perceive failure as the end of the world. It seems to us that people secretly mock us and condemn us for our mistakes. In fact, you are exaggerating too much. And even if there was some kind of ridiculous situation, because of which you were subjected to offensive jokes from colleagues or acquaintances, then, according to at least she is in the past. Over time, no one will remember your failure, so it makes no sense for you to focus on this. Imagine that it was just a life test that you overcame with dignity.

You know, when I was in the camp as a teenager, I was sent to a competition where there were many tasks, and all of them had to be performed on stage in front of a huge number of guys. I was embarrassed at the first stage. It was necessary to read a poem, but being confused, I could remember only the first line, and then there was deathly silence. I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to get rid of this microphone and I just ran off the stage.

It was embarrassing, but I tried not to make a tragedy out of this failure, collected my thoughts, and coped with the next stages of the competition perfectly. Of course, jokes were periodically poured into my address about my performance, it was unpleasant, but with all my appearance I showed that this situation did not hurt me, and even joked at myself in response. And everyone who tried to offend me with this fell behind, because they did not receive the reaction that they expected ...

And finally, the last step in how to overcome shyness is to face your fears face to face. Force yourself to take the initiative in communicating with people, express your point of view on a particular issue, show dissatisfaction if something does not suit you.

And, by the way, during a conversation, always look the interlocutor in the eyes, this will give you additional self-confidence. After all, a lowered look indicates that a person is shy. Of course, you will not be comfortable at first, but each time the shyness will disappear until it ceases to be a problem for you at all.

Xenia, Petrozavodsk

Psychologist's comment:

Shyness (shyness, shyness) is a personality trait that gives its owner such characteristics as indecision, fearfulness, tension, stiffness and awkwardness when interacting with other people.

An important step not taken on time, a good idea not expressed, a frank conversation with a significant person that did not take place - these are just a small part of those events in our personal lives that often have shyness behind them.

A shy person does not allow himself spontaneity in his words or actions, instead he is forced to carefully control himself when communicating with others. In the words of the author of the article, he seems to be hindered by an invisible barrier - an irrational fear of presenting himself, so as not to seem ridiculous, inappropriate, to fail.

What is the reason for this behaviour? What happens in the inner world of a shy person? According to the American psychologist Philip Zimbardo, who owns the most fundamental study of this topic, shyness is due to a person's recognition of his own inferiority and constant anxiety about his actions.

A shy person has inadequate self-esteem, makes too high demands on himself, his image of the “I am real” has a strong gap with the image of the “I am ideal”. At the same time, the image of the “I” of another person is seen as critical / rejecting, therefore, contact with him is perceived as potentially dangerous, threatening an already fragile self-esteem and self-respect.

A colossal amount of mental strength of such a person is spent on masking and leveling this distance between a realistic and standard image of oneself in the eyes of others. Shyness makes a person too preoccupied with himself and the impression he makes on others.

Most shy people learn to avoid situations in which they may feel embarrassed, and thus more and more separate themselves from others, focusing on their shortcomings.

How is shyness formed?

According to most experts dealing with this problem, the foundation of shyness, of course, is laid in childhood. The reason for its appearance is the excessive demands of parents (caregivers, teachers, social environment) for the child/adolescent.

At the same time, the requirements can be voiced, or they can only be “read between the lines”. As a result, the child develops a distorted idea of ​​himself and of interaction with other people. Instead of natural pride, self-respect and confidence in his own strengths and abilities, he experiences a painful feeling that something is wrong with him, he is not like everyone else.

Instead of feeling joy and pleasure from communicating with emotionally significant people, he experiences anxiety, anxiety and fear of being misunderstood and rejected. Later, this "outer critic" moves into the inner world of a person and fills him with critical comments about everything he tries to do or say.

Speaking metaphorically, two psychological types begin to live in a person at once - the “prisoner” and the “guard”, one of which desperately strives for freedom, and the second monitors compliance with the conditions of imprisonment.

Such people, even if they want to do something and know how it can be done, still do not dare to act. They are held back by the voice of the inner warden. And the inner prisoner decides to renounce the anxieties of a free life and submits with meekness.

How to overcome shyness? Is there a way out of this prison?

Since shyness is emotionally experienced as a very painful and difficult to bear condition, a person tries in every possible way to get rid of it, to remove himself from the source of tension.

The most effective way to overcome shyness is, in my opinion, the correction of self-esteem in the direction of greater acceptance of oneself, the transformation of the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bit "real I" as good enough, worthy of love and respect.

The task is not the easiest, but quite doable. For its implementation, perhaps, someone will need the help of specialists, and someone, like the author, decides to cope with the exciting problem on their own. In any case, the right vector on this path is to notice your strengths more, and not focus on your shortcomings.

Think about it, is there too much criticism in your inner world about everything that you do? Are your accusations against yourself justified? Maybe you should listen to the voice of the inner lawyer? Is he even there? What arguments does he give to support your personality?

As for the process of interaction with people around you, when making contact, it is important to remember that it is unlikely that all of them are pursuing the goal of comparing you with a certain standard existing in their minds and convicting you of inconsistency with it. Moreover, we must understand that shyness to one degree or another is characteristic of each of us.

Let this simple truth inspire you on your way to recognizing the right to present your own uniqueness, to accept your undoubted merits and the value of your life.

Psychologist-consultant Anna Orlyanskaya

About how to overcome shyness - 5 most effective methods that will save you from this shortcoming once and for all!

It is difficult to find a person who has never experienced a feeling of embarrassment.

If it happened as a result of a really embarrassing situation and happened to you only a few times in your life, then you have no problems.

But people who are blushing and embarrassed with or without reason should think, how to overcome shyness.

In their case, you have to deal not with a cute character trait, but with a real flaw that significantly complicates life.

I am still ready to agree that modesty is not a vice (for example, for a girl without ambitions), but shyness in our time is a ballast that you need to get rid of quickly, otherwise it will drag you to the bottom and will not allow you to achieve anything.

How to overcome shyness and what causes it?

Shyness is a character trait that is formed under the influence of several factors:

• natural inclination;
• education;
• environment;
• life circumstances and more.

It often happens that a person who did not suffer from excessive shyness in childhood and was quite sociable, due to the wrong upbringing of his parents, acquires a lack of confidence in himself and his abilities - he later has to think about how to overcome shyness.

Children who are allowed everything and who absolutely do not understand the words “no”, “no” are terrible, but a frightened child who is constantly pulled up and raised in a vacuum is also bad.

Do not interfere with the child to get to know this world and make new acquaintances, just ensure his safety and make sure that he does not create too much inconvenience to others.

Find a middle ground, and then your grown-up child will not have to think about how to overcome shyness.

Often the appearance of uncertainty and shyness is influenced by the environment.

If a girl is constantly told that she is ugly, and a boy that he is a loser, then sooner or later they will believe it and will try to remain in the shadow of others, to attract less attention to themselves, so as not to run into ridicule.

Naturally, they will gradually form the habit of being ashamed of themselves and it will be quite difficult to overcome it in adulthood.

1. To overcome shyness, communicate as much as possible with strangers.

One of the most common situations in which shyness comes out is the need to communicate with strangers.

With friends and close relatives, you feel completely relaxed, but as soon as you find yourself in the company of strangers, you immediately turn into a shy downtrodden mouse that most of all wants to hide in a corner.

If you think how to overcome shyness you must face your fears.

Shyness in the company of strangers can be overcome if you are on your own, without involving a support group as an assistant:

• attend parties;
• have lunch and dinner at catering establishments;
• to go to the cinema;
• travel;
• deal with issues in ZhEKs, passport offices, etc.

2. Bold actions will help overcome shyness

Think about what actions you would never be able to decide on, because you instantly blushed with embarrassment, and start acting.

Daring actions can really overcome shyness:

1. Attend a casting for a TV show.
2. Perform in public with a song, dance, speech - show any talent you have.
3. Participate in a beauty pageant - yes, in fact, any public pageant will do.
4. Put on a radical mini (for girls) or a shirt in some unrealistic color (for guys) and go for a walk.
5. Go to a fetish party.
6. Sign up with a charitable organization that often holds public events.
7. Invite the guy you like / .

When taking a bold action to overcome shyness, remember your own safety and the legality of what you are doing.

Do not go too far, otherwise you risk getting into serious trouble.

3. Confident people don't need to think about how to overcome shyness.

Most often, people who are overgrown with complexes from head to toe suffer from shyness.

To stop being embarrassed about and without, you need to become a self-confident person.

In this case, it is not always possible to overcome shyness without psychological support, but you can also try:

1. Polish your figure - away fat folds and cellulite.
2. Make a beautiful haircut and dye your hair.
3. Learn how to use makeup correctly.
4. Change wardrobe.
5. Achieve success in your profession.
6. Start making good money.
7. Falling in love - an arranged personal life significantly adds confidence.

As soon as you can overcome all your teenage complexes, as soon as you believe in your own uniqueness and irresistibility, there will be no trace of shyness.

The main thing is not to overdo it, so as not to turn into a self-confident bitch or an arrogant asshole.

4. Find a friend who doesn't know what shyness is.

So when you watch a movie in which a cool protagonist or heroine acts, you involuntarily imagine yourself in his / her place, right?

And imagine if in real life you had a friend or girlfriend who looked like a movie character.

You would have something to learn from him.

In addition, such a person nearby would constantly pull you out of your own circle of comfort, which helps to overcome shyness very well.

I remember two of my classmates - best friends, and so it was difficult to find people more dissimilar to each other at school.

Imagine together a girl-fire, ready for any crazy act, and a quiet mouse that is afraid and embarrassed of everything.

The girls began to make friends in the 5th grade, when, at the behest of the teacher, they ended up at the same desk.

After a few years, we all began to notice that the “mouse” stopped being so shy and gained confidence, and the “fire” became much calmer, improved grades and stopped behaving so provocatively.

Great tips to get rid of shyness

also collected in this video:

5. The right profession will help overcome shyness

People try to choose a profession that suits them not only in terms of their abilities, but also in terms of their psychotype.

Shy people try to go to work where they do not need to take responsibility, show character and communicate with strangers.

But sitting all your life in a warehouse surrounded by boxes of products or vegetating in some small office that does not know what you are doing, you will not only not be able to get rid of shyness, but also will never succeed.

We need to change jobs immediately.

The following professions will help overcome shyness:

• journalist;
• guide;
• leading;
• politician;
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Hello to everyone who is afraid to call, meet new people, dance in the crowd, return goods to the store, ask the minibus driver to stop at the place you need, etc. Does every step in society that you have to take lead to the fact that you step over yourself? Stiffness kills dreams, interferes with a person's normal life, affects behavior in society, so you must understand how to overcome shyness and self-doubt.

Where does

It's all about self-criticism. Shy people are unusually dependent on others, they have low self-esteem, there is uncertainty and even dissatisfaction in life. A shy person is ready to limit himself to standard work in which he will not catch the eye of others.

He will be ready to remove all friends from his life, if only to experience less stress of communication. He is completely lost in simple everyday situations, such as phone calls or communication with sales assistants.

Each time the situation only gets worse, because every action that you fail to implement in communication is a small blow to your self-esteem, a step towards even greater isolation. You can no longer understand how to get rid of shyness and stiffness. The inner Samoyed that lives in a shy person completely destroys your self-confidence. In such a state, overcoming oneself is practically a feat.

If you want to get out of the state of shyness, you need to take a whole lot of steps. When you start to overcome yourself, decide how to deal with shyness, at least just think through your actions, it becomes easier for you. Time after time, without steps back, you will move towards a free existence in which excessive modesty can be discarded. Indeed, in our case, it is really superfluous, simply because it interferes with life!

Exercises

Let's look at the advice of a psychologist on how to overcome shyness, modesty and self-doubt. After each exercise, especially if it was really difficult, you need to reward yourself with a sweet, going to a beauty salon, in the evening with your favorite book, a warm bath or new purchases. Everyone will choose something for themselves.

Exercise 1. During the day, smile at 20 strangers on the street, looking into their eyes and not hiding from them. It may be quite difficult at first, but such an exercise will help you gradually integrate into society. You will show yourself that the world around you is not trying to offend you, it is quite positive and is also ready to share warmth.

If this is difficult, start with a smile to yourself in the mirror, an open smile to friends and relatives. Such a seemingly simple action qualitatively changes people's lives, helps to relieve tension and insecurity, so you should always start your day and business with a smile!

Exercise 2. During the day, several times ask people on the street what time it is. Do not choose people that suit you, try to cover as many categories as possible: grandmothers, schoolchildren, young girls, and men. Ask 15 times until you feel confident. If the task is well performed, you can complicate it. In this case, the person should try to ask again, as if he did not hear the answer. This helps to understand that people will not refuse such simple help, they adequately relate to questions, they are positive towards you. Yes, even if a passer-by refuses, there is nothing terrible or stupid in this.

If the exercise is difficult or you do not understand how to get rid of shyness at this moment, try to imagine the situation well: from the second when you approach the person to the moment when you say goodbye. A positive study of the situation, which will tell you how to overcome shyness in this situation, will lead to an excellent result!

Exercise 3 Try to “turn out” something in your image, for example, clothes. Go to a standard meeting wearing an inside-out sweater and see if the people you know notice the change. This will help you realize that people are not as picky about your appearance as you think. They may not even notice the flaw right away.

Appearance will not destroy your relationship, it really is not the worst thing that can happen in your life. You are more important than your clothes or your image. It is necessary to separate opinions about you and your essence. If you find it difficult, start with some inconspicuous wardrobe item, such as different socks on your feet or an inside-out T-shirt.

You will begin to understand that any flaw is easy to fix, for example, change into a sweater. There is nothing wrong with this. And you won't look stupid!

Exercise 4 Direct your feet to the hairdresser and ask the master to offer you a new look. Ask as many questions as you can, offer your ideas and, most importantly, don't be afraid to refuse the service under the pretext that you need to think. Go around several salons to work out such a situation to automatism. You need to speak clearly, loudly, confidently. To consolidate the result, go around 5-6 salons. And as a reward, you can get a haircut where you really liked it!

This approach helps to increase their importance in front of you. You will understand that you deserve attention, self-care and being listened to. You have the right to refuse the service and decide what is best for you. If you find it difficult, start with salons that are far from home.

Exercise 5 Buy an item in a store and then return it. You can actually do it legally! And you need to pick up the hardness in your voice to get rid of the thing that you changed your mind about wearing. The seller will persuade you to keep the thing for yourself, but stand your ground and be sure! Walk around 4-5 stores to deal with your stiffness.

If it's difficult for you, take your mother, girlfriend or friend with you. Then the seller certainly will not be rude to you. Only now it is you who needs to speak, do not shift it to another, because you are looking for the answer to the question of how to get rid of shyness. You will have nothing to be afraid of, which means that you will be able to overcome a difficult everyday situation for many shy people.

How does the life of people who overcome stiffness change?

• Gen. As we have seen, there are quite a few simple everyday situations in which a shy person feels insecure. Starting from a call to the clinic reception (postponing a trip to the doctor can affect your health), ending with the inability to ask for directions (getting lost and looking for a way in an unfamiliar place is not the best choice for leisure!). Saying goodbye to such difficulties, deciding how to overcome shyness means really changing the quality of life!
• Relations. Problems with shyness in relationships are, of course, central. The inability not only to tell a pretty person that you like him, but also in principle to communicate with him is bitter! We need to start taking steps, we need to start a warm relationship, we need to look for friends. If only because friends, relatives and loved ones are the basis of our life. And shyness destroys this foundation. A person who has overcome himself, who has realized how to get rid of shyness, will be able to build new relationships, will be able to say if something does not suit him, will be able to plan a life together.
• Dreams. Shyness is insecurity, and insecurity is self-loathing. A person who considers himself unworthy of various benefits, who has not decided how to deal with shyness, can he afford to dream? Of course not. Your childhood dreams are blown away by social failure. You gradually convince yourself that you will not succeed, but your stiffness does not allow you to emerge back onto the path of success. Maybe you sing beautifully, but… stage fright. You play volleyball cool, but you are afraid to approach the playing company ... You put poetry together perfectly, but they do not leave your table. Letting go means letting go of your dreams. A person free from shyness achieves more. Because his horizons are expanding, and he really can do anything!
• Career. Career, akin to dreams, of course, goes up. You stop enjoying the little office that no one comes into, where you do things that others don't notice. You want to realize yourself. You want to emerge from behind the office fence and start doing what is really meant for you in life. Write. Take pictures. Maybe even manage people.

This is the difference, “to have or not to have” is up to you. Remember that every day you are moving either towards total modesty that destroys your life, or towards a happy open existence.

Part 1

Understanding Shyness

Think about the reasons for shyness. Shyness isn't necessarily reserved for introverts or people who don't like themselves. Shyness is an embarrassment that overtakes you when you are around other people. What is the reason for your shyness? In fact, shyness is a symptom of a larger problem. There are three options here:

• You have low self-esteem due to the fact that you cannot appreciate yourself. It is difficult to stop listening to the inner voice that lowers your self-esteem, but in the end, it is your inner voice and you must learn to control it.
• You are obsessed with what people think of you. This is due to increased attention to one's own person. If all your energy goes into controlling your actions so that you don't make mistakes, then don't think that other people do the same. We'll talk about shifting your attention to other people next.
• You are shy only because other people think you are shy. Children are usually shy. However, some people continue to see you as shy even as you mature. In this case, you just want to live up to their expectations (and are therefore shy). Is it about you? Then justify your own expectations, not the expectations of other people.
  • Regardless of the reason, it is entirely possible to overcome shyness. The main reason for shyness is your thinking, which needs to be controlled.

1. Accept shyness is the first step to overcoming it. The more you resist shyness (consciously or unconsciously), the longer you will suffer from it. If you are shy, then take it for granted. Say to yourself, “Yes, I am shy and I accept it.”

   Find out what makes you shy. Does this happen when you perform in front of an audience? Or when you learn a new skill? Or are you in an unfamiliar situation? Or are you embarrassed by people you know and admire? Or maybe when you don't know someone? Try to "spot" the thoughts that arise in your head just before such moments.

   • You are not shy in all situations. Are you shy around your family? How are strangers different? Almost nothing - just relatives know you better, and you know them. It's not about you, it's about the situation you're in.

2. Make a list of situations that worry you. Put what worries you the least at the top of the list, and what worries you the most at the bottom. Once you describe situations in words, you can move on to solving them.

   • Describe situations as specifically as possible. “Speaking in front of an audience” is a description of the situation, but it can be made more specific. Speaking in front of the authorities? In front of the ones you like? By specifying the situation, you will be able to solve it more successfully.

3. When you have a list of 10-15 stressful situations, start working on them one by one. The most "simple" situations will help you feel confident, and you can move on to more difficult ones.

   • Don't worry if you have to go back to some points; do it at your own pace, but don't forget to push yourself.

   Part 2

   Mind control

   1. Treat shyness as a "command". The cause of shyness is like a command in a computer program that tells the program what to do. In the same way, you can "program" your thinking. Think about the fact that our minds are “programmed” from childhood to respond to certain stimuli, such as staying away from strangers, heights, dangerous animals, and so on. Therefore, we react to some stimuli by default (as “programmed” in our brain), but such a reaction may be erroneous. For example, when some people see a lizard, they react to it as a disgusting animal, while other people really like lizards. In the same way, when timid people see strangers (irritant), the natural (default) response is shyness. The truth is that you can get rid of shyness by "reprogramming" your mindset. This can be done like this:

      • Interview yourself and find out the reasons for the manifestation of shyness.
      • Practice public speaking to overcome shyness. Force yourself to do things that you are embarrassed to do. If you are shy around strangers, you will probably prefer to retire to a quiet place, as this has been your natural reaction for a long time; this time don't be alone, but force yourself to talk to other people. Yes, you will feel very uncomfortable, but consider negative feelings as an incentive to force yourself to act in a way that you have never acted. After a few attempts, you will realize that the negative feelings and emotions actually helped you because they motivated you to change.

   2. Switch your attention to other people. 99% of the time, people are embarrassed when they think that if they speak in public they will be embarrassed. Therefore, it is important to focus on other people. If we focus on ourselves, we begin to worry about how not to make a mistake.

      Close your eyes and imagine a situation in which you might feel shy. Now, in your imagination, try to feel confident in yourself. Do this exercise often for different situations. It will be most effective if you do this every day, especially in the morning. It may sound silly, but athletes use visualization to develop skills, so why not give it a try?

      • Turn on all your senses to better feel self-confidence. Imagine yourself happy. What are you doing? How do you say? That way, when the time comes, you will be ready.

   3. Watch your posture. If you stand with your shoulders straight, you appear to the world as a confident and open person. Often we are treated the way we present ourselves, so if you are an open person, your body should emphasize this.

      Speak clearly. This will help avoid embarrassment due to the need to repeat what has been said. You have to get used to (and even love) your own voice!

      • Record your performance. After listening to the recording, you will understand where you are making mistakes, for example, speaking quietly, although you think you are speaking loudly. In the beginning, you will feel like an actor (and do the things that actors do when preparing for a role), but it will become a habit.

   4. Don't compare yourself to others. The more you compare yourself to other people, the more you will feel like you don't measure up to them and the worse you will feel. It makes no sense to compare yourself with someone else, but if you do compare, then do it objectively.

      • If you have confident friends or family, talk to them about your shyness. Chances are, they will say that they have also struggled with shyness at some point. You are just at an early stage in the process of overcoming shyness.

   5. Develop self-confidence. Everyone has a special gift or a wonderful trait of character. It may sound trite, but it's true. Think about what you know, what you're good at, and what you've accomplished rather than focusing on how you look, talk, or dress. Remember that even the "beautiful and successful" have something they don't like about themselves. And there is no reason to be ashamed of their "problem" because their "problem" does not embarrass them at all.

      • When you focus on this, you will realize that you have something to offer other people, such as your knowledge or skills needed to solve a particular problem or keep a conversation going. Knowing this, you will not be shy about talking to other people.

   6. Determine your social values ​​and strengths. If you are not the “life of the party” or the person who speaks the most and loudest, then this does not mean that you do not have strengths. Are you a good listener? Are you attentive to details? It is possible that your strength is a trait that you have not even thought about. Perhaps your forte is watching others from the sidelines.

      • Your merit can give you an advantage. If you are a good listener, you will probably be able to identify the person who is having problems and needs to talk. In this case, such a person needs you. There is nothing difficult in this situation - just ask such a person: “What happened?”.
      • In each social group, all roles must be distributed. You also have a role to play, you just can't define it. No one person is better than another - you just need to know your strengths.

   7. Don't think about common misconceptions. Extroverts are not necessarily popular or happy, and shy people are not necessarily introverts or cold and indifferent people. Don't think about common misconceptions, but don't be misled about other people either.

      • The popular kids at school put in a lot of effort to be popular. That's fine, but that doesn't mean they're happy or that it will go on forever. Don't imitate someone who isn't really what they seem to be. Listen to your own inner voice (at school, at university, and so on).

   Part 3

   Actions in different situations

   1. Be informed. If you're going to a party, prepare to talk about a couple of popular topics. Is the government doing well? What will be the ending of the famous television show? Read more and you will be able to keep up the conversation on almost any topic.

      • There is no need to seek deep knowledge. You just need to be able to carry on a conversation. Do not judge the interlocutor and do not insist on your opinion; be open and friendly. By saying, "I wouldn't want to be in his place," you will break the conversation.

   2. Understand the few steps of any conversation and you can automatically keep the conversation going. Any conversation includes four stages:

      • The first step is to strike up a conversation.
      • The second stage is the introduction.
      • The third stage is finding a common language; some topic you can talk about.
      • The fourth stage is the end of the conversation. One of the interlocutors tells the other that he needs to go; the conversation is summed up and, possibly, information is exchanged. "I enjoyed talking to you." “I never thought of her that way. Here is my business card!" "Let's meet again."

   3. Start a conversation. Remember that big project you completed? The mountain you climbed? An illness that you have dealt with? If you can start a conversation, it won't be difficult to keep the conversation going. A random phrase about something that applies to you and your interlocutor will start a conversation. "This bus can't wait!" or "Did you see his tie today?"

      Warm up. If you are visiting, you can keep up the same conversation over and over again. Choose one or two interlocutors and talk to them about abstract topics (with pleasantries and platitudes) until you get tired of it. Then go back to the people you really want to talk to and focus on having a serious conversation.

   4. Be open. Demonstrate openness and friendliness with the interlocutor through body language. Do not cross your arms or hold anything in them and look at the interlocutor.

      • Think of the people you would like to talk to. What is their facial expression and posture? Now think about the ones you don't want to talk to. What category does your pose fall into?

   5. Smile and look people in the eye. Smiling at a stranger will make you happy and make him happy. Smiling is a friendly way to show appreciation for others and is a good way to start a conversation with a friend or even a stranger. By smiling, you demonstrate that you are a friendly and open person.

      • People are social creatures. We are all looking for communication that makes our lives better.

   6. Think about your body. When you are in a group of people (or even alone with another person), you are likely to become shy. This is fine. In this case, ask yourself the following questions:

      • Am I breathing right? Breathe deeply to let your body relax.
      • Am I relaxed? If not, take a more comfortable position.
      • Am I open? You can judge this by the posture of your body. Openness can change the perception of you by other members of society.

   Part 4

   Challenge yourself

   1. Achieve your goals. It’s not enough to just say to yourself, “I’m going to go there and I won’t be shy!”. You need to think about your actions to overcome shyness, for example, starting a conversation with a stranger or with a person you like.

      • Focus on small, everyday achievements and gradually you will become braver. Even getting the time from a stranger can be a challenge. Do not miss such opportunities because of their seeming insignificance; in fact they are very important. You will learn how to perform in front of a large audience only gradually. Move towards your goal in small steps.

   2. Decide on your preferences. Dancing in a club or drinking heavily may not be for you, but remember that this has nothing to do with shyness. Don't try to fight shyness in situations that are unacceptable to you.

      • You don't have to do what everyone else is doing. In this case, you are unlikely to find people who like you and have common interests with you. Then why waste your time?! If you don't like going to nightclubs, then that's perfectly fine. Connect with other people at coffee, at small parties, or at work.

   3. Get out of your comfort zone. Put yourself in a position where you can't help but take action to combat shyness.

      • Start at the top of the list, remember? It can be a short conversation with a girl, or a question about the time with a stranger at the bus stop, or a conversation with a guy whose locker is located next to yours. Most people don't like to start a conversation (guess why? Yes, because they look like you), but there are plenty of topics to talk about.
      Progress on getting rid of shyness is a great motivator to keep fighting. In a few weeks, you will be amazed at your progress and believe that the goal (getting rid of shyness) is quite achievable.
      • There is no universal time frame for achieving this goal. Some manage to get rid of shyness very quickly (as if a switch had been flipped in them), others may take 6 months. No matter how long it takes to get rid of shyness - just believe in yourself, then you will succeed.
   • If your family and friends know you are shy, they may tease you. It will be difficult for some to cross you out of this category, in which they themselves wrote you down. Just ignore them. They don't mean anything bad, but don't let them push you back into the "shell"!
   • Sometimes shyness is an age problem; as they grow older, many people become more self-confident. If you feel uncomfortable trying to change yourself, stop - you can simply outgrow your shyness.