Sem007
Good afternoon, I have no more strength, so I decided to write to the site. I have always had a good relationship with my parents, as a child I was very obedient, calm and not problematic. Mom has always been like a friend to me, no secrets and secrets, everything is always together, everything was decided and discussed. I am very grateful to my parents for everything that I have and I love them very much. But for the last two years I have been in a terrible situation, my home has become a place of moral torture for me, and it's all about my young man. They simply hate him and do not want to know and hear that we are together. Of course, this is also my fault (at one time I talked a lot about him too much), now all this is being used against us. Of course, they would like to see a more positive and promising person next to me and want only the best for me, but this is also not possible. I was constantly spread rot at home, constantly all the statements about how bad I am and what he is, they wrote SMS from which I don’t want to live, we didn’t talk for months. I took it all very hard, constant tears and bad thoughts. Then everything seemed to calm down after four months, they began to communicate with me normally, but did not forget at any opportunity to throw mud at and insult my martyr (at the same time, they don’t communicate with him at all). They believe that they are doing better for me, but it turns out the opposite, my psyche can no longer stand it. They have something to prove and explain about our feelings, well, there is no desire, because for themselves they have built their own vision and everything that I do not explain will turn against me, and why should I make excuses for my feelings. I don’t know what to do, like adults, but they behave like harmful children who want everything to be just the way they want.
Sem007, hello! It happens that other family members do not like the choice of a life partner - after all, this is your personal choice for yourself, you made it without taking into account the opinions of other family members. Your relatives have the right to their opinion and they are not obliged to simply obey your decision and your choice. They have the right not to accept someone they do not like as family members, and to actively defend their opinion. Especially if you yourself gave them information that spoiled the image of your young man and put him in an unsightly light.
It may take years for a young man to correct his opinion of himself or your family to come to terms with the fact that he became part of their family - through the birth of grandchildren, for example, or if he will help the family in a difficult situation.
How long have you been talking with a young man? How serious are you in a relationship, are there any plans to start a family with him?
Sem007
Irina Kornilova, we have known each other for 5 years and 1.5 years together. We want to get married in the near future, because we recently found out that we are expecting a child. For the family, such news is like a whole tragedy, from the series your life is over. Yes, in a good way this is my life, my choice, we ourselves must decide what and how, but it still hurts and hurts, I don’t even mind that they won’t communicate with each other, but I don’t understand why they finish me off like that and spread rot.
Sem007, if you decide to go against the opinion of your relatives, then you need to be prepared that they, too, will not agree with you in everything and accept everything the way you decide. You understand that your future husband is their future relative, who will now be forever connected with your family through your common children. And, if your relatives do not trust him and fear that he will bring problems to the family, then they will protect themselves and their well-being in many ways. You not only chose your husband, but also influenced the life of your inner circle with this - so this is not only your personal business.
Is your young man doing anything to win over your parents and help you resolve this conflict? Does he do something that your relatives could appreciate and would look at him differently?
Sem007
Irina Kornilova, I understand this (((which is also to blame for them to some extent. Hmm, nothing seems to help me.
Sem007, your young man can help if he is interested in changing the attitude of your relatives towards him and will do some significant things that your mother can win over him. After all, after the birth of a grandson, if your husband is a good father, then this can melt your mother's heart, for example.
Sem007
Sem007, your young man can help if he is interested in changing the attitude of your relatives towards him and will do some significant things that your mother can win over him. After all, after the birth of a grandson, if your husband is a good father, then this can melt your mother's heart, for example.
Oh, I hope we will try to establish contact ...
Sem007, this is a good decision - to make contact. Indeed, if your parents are wary of your man, then he can eventually remove this negativity towards himself, proving that they were so worried in vain and he did not bring any catastrophe to the house.
Marina Kobzar
Causes of conflict educator-parent, solutions.
Conflict educator-parent. Causes and solutions.
The world is constantly becoming more complex. To maintain the level of competence, it is necessary to learn something all the time, to engage in self-education throughout life. Continuing education is becoming a necessity. The modern family is increasingly in need of a variety of knowledge: medical, pedagogical, psychological, legal. The activities of the teaching staff of the kindergarten cannot remain aloof from the changing situation in society. Working with the family should take into account modern approaches to this problem. The main trend is to educate parents on independent solving life problems. This implies changes in the system " teacher - parent", requires efforts from the teaching staff of the preschool educational institution.
We all know that complete upbringing preschool child takes place under the simultaneous influence of the family and the preschool institution. Therefore, our main task is to make parents become our active helpers and like-minded people.
We often complain that parents are indifferent to our efforts, that they do not want to make contact, that they are not interested in the life of their children. But have we ever thought about the fact that, perhaps, we cannot arrange people for communication, interest, make it so that in kindergartens it is warm and comfortable not only for children, but also for their parents.
caregiver is an employee of a preschool institution who is not only directly responsible for the life and health of the children entrusted to him, but also carries out educational work in accordance with the kindergarten program.
A parent is a "customer" who brings his child to kindergarten and wants to be in it for his beloved (and often an only child) the most favorable conditions were created. Parent has one child (two three). At educator- on average from 15 to 30. And this should also be taken into account, because the amount of personal attention for each child is inversely proportional to the number of children. And he is also interested in providing favorable conditions for children, without forgetting about his educational responsibilities.
An exercise "Apple and Worm"
Sit comfortably, close your eyes and imagine for a moment that you are an apple. Ripe, fragrant, pouring apple, which picturesquely hangs on a branch. Everyone admires you, admires you. Suddenly out of nowhere a worm creeps up to you and says: "Now I'll eat you! What would you say to a worm? Open your eyes and write down your answer.
Today we will talk to you about conflicts in the system« teacher - parent» . Word « conflict» translated from Latin means "collision".
Conflict is the norm of social life. At the same time, psychologists emphasize the need to create mechanisms for psychological regulation and conflict resolution. Since professional communication in the system "teacher - parent" .
Old English game
Target: revitalize the work of the group, discuss some causes of conflicts.
Content: For this game you will need a small prize for the winner (this can be candy, small toy, souvenir, etc.). One prize requirement: it should not be fragile, as during the game there is a possibility that it will fall to the floor. The coach packs the prize in advance (wraps it in paper, puts it in a box, ties it with ribbons, seals it with tape, etc.).
Before the start of the game, the group sits in a circle, the chairs are moved as close as possible to each other. The trainer turns on cheerful music and passes a large bundle with a prize to one of the participants sitting next to him. He, having received the bundle, immediately passes it around to the next player, that one to the next, etc. Suddenly, the music stops, and the participant with the bundle in his hands quickly begins to unfold the prize. He can do this until the music starts again. Since the sound of the music the prize is again "travels" in a circle until the next musical break. As soon as the music stops, the participant with the prize in his hands continues to unpack it and, when the sounds of music appear, pass it around in a circle. The prize goes to the one who can finally unfold it and pick it up.
Discussion: After the participants shared their impressions of the game, the trainer asks the following questions: “If you and I were asked to make a film about conflict people on the example of this game, then where and at what moments we could play conflicts? What could cause conflicts? Who could be potential participants and why? (For example, conflict could occur at the moment of stopping the music between the participant who unfolds the prize and the participants sitting nearby. One could accuse the trainer of having a biased attitude towards some of the participants and using it at the moments of turning the music on and off, etc.).
Next, the trainer asks the participants to answer questions: “How could the instructions for the game be changed to reduce the chance of conflicts?» (Make instructions clearer, introduce some restrictions, etc.)In which case would it be more interesting to play: In the first (how we played) or in the second (simulated version?
Causes of conflictsdifferences between teachers and parents: the parent is not satisfied with the position of the child in the team, the attitude towards him educator, organization educational process as a whole, etc.
What most often can become a reason for misunderstanding and dissatisfaction?
On the part of the parents, this:
With a child they do little in the garden;
Do not create proper conditions for strengthening his health;
They cannot find an approach to the child;
Use non-pedagogical methods with the child (moral and physical punishment);
Poor child care (didn’t wipe the snot, didn’t change the panties, didn’t change the dirty T-shirt);
The child is forced to eat or, on the contrary, they do not make sure that he eats everything;
Restrict the freedom of the child;
Often punished and complained about the child if his behavior does not suit educators;
They do not take action against hyperactive and aggressive children, especially if their child has been bitten (which often happens in a nursery, hit, scratched.
At there are educators too"your list"claims against parents:
They are disrespectful to the staff of the kindergarten, they can scold in raised tones in front of the child;
Forget to pay receipts, pay on time for additional classes;
They forget to put a change of clothes in the locker for the children;
They bring children to the kindergarten completely unprepared (without basic self-service skills, not accustomed to the daily routine of the kindergarten);
Late pick up of children;
Badly raise children(excessively indulge or, conversely, do not pay due attention to the child; it is usually very difficult to find an approach to such children);
They make unreasonable claims to the staff, find fault with trifles.
Experts usually distinguish four stages of passage conflict:
emergence conflict(appearance of contradictions)
Understanding this situation conflict at least one side
Conflict behavior
Exodus conflict
An exercise "Do you need conflicts with parents?» Orally
The group is divided into two teams: one picks up arguments in favor of the fact that conflicts with parents are unacceptable, the other defends the position that conflicts necessary in communicating with parents. Within 5 minutes, each subgroup writes down their arguments, then reads them aloud.
Positive and negative sides conflicts
Positive Negative
Gaining Social Experience
Normalization of morale
Getting new information
Release of tension
Helps clarify relationships
Stimulates positive change Mood of hostility
Deterioration of social well-being
Formalization of communication
Intentional and purposeful destructive behavior
Emotional costs
Deterioration of health
Decreased performance
Conclusion: Thus, we found that conflicts can carry not only negative traits, but also be useful. The most important thing is to be able to correctly resolve them.
Since professional communication in the system "teacher-parent" conceals a number of such situations, the ability to correctly choose a strategy of behavior in conflict situation for the educator is extremely important.
Psychologists offer 5 ways to get out of conflict situations(hand out tables)
Competition (competition) suggests focusing only on their own interests. Complete disregard for the interests of the partner
Avoidance (evasion) characterized by a lack of attention to both their own interests and the interests of a partner
Compromise is an achievement "half" the benefits of each party.
Adaptation involves increased attention to the interests of another person to the detriment of one's own.
Cooperation is a strategy that takes into account the interests of both parties.
In pedagogical practice, there is an opinion that the most effective way out of conflict situations are compromise and cooperation. However, any of the strategies can be effective. Since each has its own positive and negative sides.
Now let's remember your answers from the exercise "Apple and Worm" and relate to ways out of conflict situations.
(Nr: "Now I'll fall on you and crush you"- competition, “Look, what a beautiful pear is there”- avoidance "Well, well, take a bite of half, leave the rest to my beloved owners"- compromise “Such, apparently, I have a heavy share”- adaptation, "Look, there are already fallen apples on the ground, you eat them, they are also tasty" - cooperation).
It is necessary to develop educators ability to positively resolve conflicts and professionally analyze conflict « parent caregiver» ; promote awareness educator of the causes and consequences of conflict.
conflict situations in the process of interaction educator with the parents of the student may occur in different reasons. Before educator DOW is faced with the task of finding the right way out of this situation.
To form the correct ability to behave with parents and communicate without conflicts, I offer a number of exercises.
An exercise "Your suggestions"
Exercise. Formulate and write down a few recommendations for activities that can help rally educators and parents.
Instruction. To complete the task, it is necessary to divide into subgroups.: each presents its own list of activities and explains the feasibility of their implementation.
An exercise "Presentation conflict situation» .
Target: game modeling of teacher behavior in situations resolve conflicts between teachers and parents. It is necessary to show the outcome of this situation by choosing a role within the group educator and the role of a parent.
An exercise "List of Claims to Parents".
Target: awareness educator the impossibility of building communication on mutual claims.
Instruction: our work involves constant daily communication with the parents of children. Anything can happen in life, we are not always happy with each other, sometimes our closest people cause us negative emotions, our parents do not suit us. Let's analyze our dissatisfaction with the parents of the group and call it a list of claims, we make claims next to each surname, it is necessary to be extremely frank, because claims can be even the most insignificant, but obligatory specific.
Conclusion: to accept people, you need to understand why they do not suit you.
An exercise "Wish you.".
Target: Develop the ability to communicate kindly with parents.
Instruction: to compliment the teacher sitting next to you, acting as one of the parents of your group. The best compliment is the praise of their child's success.
Psychological charge.
To maintain a stable psychological state for you and your parents, as well as for the prevention of various occupational psychophysical disorders, it is important to be able to forget. As if "wash" from memory conflict situations.
An exercise in erasing an anti-stress situation. Sit down and relax. Close your eyes. Imagine a blank landscape sheet of paper in front of you. Eraser pencils. Slowly draw on a piece of paper the negative situation you want to forget. It may be a real picture. Mentally take the eraser and start sequentially "wash" from a sheet of paper presented the situation. Erase until the picture disappears from the sheet. Open your eyes. Check. To do this, close your eyes and imagine the same sheet of paper. If the picture does not disappear, take the eraser again and "erase" until its complete disappearance. After some time, the procedure can be repeated.
Resolve a controversial issue in the present tense, without mentioning past grievances, conflicts.
Adequately perceive to understand the essence conflict from the point of view of psychological mechanisms - the interests, needs, goals and objectives of the parties. Ask a question more often: "Did I understand you correctly (understood?"), This will help to avoid mental barriers.
Be open in communication, friendly and strive to create a climate of mutual trust.
Try to understand the opponent's position "from the inside", putting yourself in his place.
Do not speak offensive, degrading words, do not use disappointing epithets. Sharpness begets sharpness.
Be able to reasonably express their intentions in case of dissatisfaction with the requirements.
In moments of triumph over another, give him the opportunity to "save himself", that is, to get out of the situation with dignity.
When eradicating other people's shortcomings, make those shortcomings look easily remedied.
A Short Course in Benevolent Relationships
Six important words: "I admit that I made this mistake".
Five important words: "You did it just wonderful".
Four important words: "How do you think?"
Three important words: "You advise, please".
Two important words: "Sincerely thank you".
The most important word: "We".
And finally, a little more. Sometimes reviews about kindergartens resemble a program about intrigues, scandals and investigations. Moms and dads spy on caregivers, eavesdrop on what is happening in the group, look for any little thing to find fault with the teacher, because their best child deserves only the best educator. For a scratch, they, at least in words, threaten to "break" or "meet in a dark alley" this " educator"," someone else's aunt "who will never love a child. But after all educator in kindergarten and should not love children as if they were his own. That's why a child has parents. educators do their job, a very difficult job and, in my opinion, worthy of great respect. And if the parent is set to the negative, most likely, according to the law of attraction, he will receive it. A kindergarten is neither heaven nor hell for a child, it is the same stage in his life as a school, an institute, and the ability to build relationships with people who work with our children depends largely on how their life will develop in kindergarten.
Bibliography
1. R. S. Nemov Psychology, t -2. - M., 2003.
2. G. V. Lozhkin Practical psychology conflict. - K., 2000.
3. E. M. Semenova Training of emotional stability. - M., 2005.
When compiling the presentation, several slides were taken from the presentation of Safina Olga Andreevna (teacher-psychologist of the MB DOW "Kindergarten No. 209") "Business game"
The cause of misunderstanding between the older and younger generations can be any trifle, but sometimes serious circumstances arise. In any case, it is necessary to correctly assess the situation, convey your position to the opposite side, and listen to their arguments.
Why do parents get into conflict?
Most relationship problems stem from inhibitions. The older generation limits the younger in desires, actions and means. Having more experience, they understand that the actions of young people are not promising, not real, or even dangerous to life and health. Of course, both sides can make mistakes, but you need to understand that experience is a lot.
If parents do not agree to something, you need to analyze why this is happening. It may seem that they are doing this out of spite, but in fact there are more compelling reasons. For example, they understand that some actions are dangerous. Sometimes they realize that they will spend their energy, money, but they won’t be able to achieve something, and sometimes they foresee trouble. Imagine yourself in their place, analyze what guides them. Find out what fears or limitations are pushing them into conflict.
You can ask mom and dad to explain to you the reason for their dissatisfaction, but be prepared to listen to them calmly, and not turn to shouting or resentment. Usually they are ready to provide a detailed answer, but not every child can hear and understand it. But it is this knowledge that helps to come to a compromise.
How to resolve conflict
The very first and most effective way to resolve conflict is to admit that you were wrong. Even if you don't think so, say it out loud anyway. Sometimes it will even be appropriate to apologize if you have said too much before. Such actions will force adults to listen to your arguments. And start explaining to them with reason what you want, why you don’t fulfill their requirements, and what results you expect. If the conflict is due to lack of cleaning, then you simply cannot find reasons that will justify you, and having recognized it, you will have to keep order. If you want to go somewhere, but they don’t let you go, you will need to tell what kind of trip, with whom it is, which guarantees your safety.
Since you know the claims of the parents, you heard them, all your words will be aimed at reducing their excitement, reducing anxiety. Find an excuse for all their fears. Be persuasive and don't raise your voice. Talk about how the solution to this issue affects your self-esteem, success in life, relationships with friends. But do not put pressure on pity, but state the facts.
Calm and reasonable conversation is a sign of adult communication. Parents will see that you are capable of such communication, that you can be responsible for your words, that you control behavior, and this will help resolve the issue.
How to stop bad relationship with mother How to resolve a protracted conflict between mother and adult daughter? Questions often asked by psychologists.
