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| site collection
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| Valentin Yurievich Postnikov
| funny school stories
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Once, in a history lesson, Petka and I started arguing over which of us had bigger ears. I said that he had, and Petka assured me that he had. They argued and argued, and then they took an ordinary school ruler and began to measure their ears.
I am with him, he is with me.
- You have, - said Petka, - ears like an elephant - exactly twelve centimeters!
- And you - like a giraffe! I spluttered. - Exactly thirteen centimeters.
- You're lying! Petka got angry. - Let me take my ruler, I will have it more precisely than any other. On it, even millimeters are the most accurate.
Petka grabbed a ruler from the desk and, sticking out his tongue, began to measure my ears again.
“You know, I was a little mistaken,” he winked at me. You have smaller ears than an elephant. You have ears like a donkey. You are a uniform donkey!
And Petka laughed wickedly.
“And you have ears like a donkey,” I was not taken aback. - You are a uniformed donkey.
“Look at yourself,” Petka rolled his eyes. - Donkey muzzle.
“Now I’ll give it to you with a ruler,” I got angry. - The giraffe is unhappy.
“And your left ear is generally larger than your right,” Petka continued. - You're a big-eared donkey.
We shouted so much that we did not notice how our history teacher Semyon Semyonovich approached us.
What are you guys arguing about? - he asked.
“We bet which of us has bigger ears,” I said first. He called me a giraffe. And his ears are as long as those of a donkey.
“Oh, you,” laughed the teacher. - Argue who has bigger ears and don't know that in ancient times, long ears were worth their weight in gold.
- Like this? we were surprised.
“Yes,” the teacher replied. - The Persian king Cyrus had a telephone in those distant times.
- Telephone? Petka and I gasped in unison.
“Yes,” the teacher nodded. - The king had thirty thousand people in the service; they were called "royal ears". From all over the country, only the most eared and with good hearing were selected for this service. They stood on the tops of hills and watchtowers within earshot of each other and thus transmitted the orders of the king throughout the country.
- For what? I didn't understand.
“But in order for the orders of the king to scatter throughout the country as quickly as possible,” the teacher replied. The royal decree instantly reached the most remote corners of the country. Such royal hearers were greatly appreciated, and they were paid in gold.
- Blimey! we were surprised.
- Okay, so be it, - Petka smiled, - I have longer ears ...
- Fuck you - I got angry. “You said yourself that I have ears like a donkey.”

So mine is longer.
- And I have - like a giraffe! Petka recalled.
“If so,” laughed the teacher. - You both have “royal ears”.
And I imagined myself standing on a high tower and listening to what Petka was shouting to me from a neighboring mountain. Eh, it's good to have long ears.

Actually, I usually teach lessons. But today I decided - that's it! I won't teach anymore. If anything, someone will help out, but tell me. Yes, even today: Kolka Gromushkin did not learn - but he was prompted, and he got five five.
I'd rather train my ear - I made a firm decision. I dropped my books and went to the yard. All day I chased the ball, launched a kite with Vaska, and watched the old woman from the third apartment feed the pigeons.
And now a new day has come. They didn't ask me in math, and in history class, too. I was even offended: I could not check the rumor. It's good for me or not.
But at the last lesson I was still lucky - Marya Ivanovna called me. It turns out that yesterday we were asked to memorize: "The Tale of Tsar Saltan" by Pushkin. Well, not all of course, but only an excerpt, but I did not learn it. That's great, - I was delighted, - now I'll check whether my hearing is good or not.
- Learned? asked Marya Ivanovna.
“Of course,” I say, “I learned it. - How else!
- Well, then, tell me, - says Maria Ivanovna. And she took off her glasses from her nose and prepared to listen. She loves Pushkin very much.
Well, I remembered the beginning and therefore boldly shouted out:

- Three maidens by the window…

He said, but he pricked up his ears and began to turn his eyes terribly, they say, let's say, tell me.
- Well, why did you stop? the teacher asked. We are listening to you carefully.
And suddenly I hear, Petka from the second desk tells me:

"Three maidens by the window,
We drank Fanta under the porch.

As soon as I was about to repeat it, I choked ... What a fanta! In Pushkin's time there was no Fanta. No, Petka, I messed something up. And then Katya Ivanova whispered from the first desk:

"Three maidens by the window,
They beat the cat with a shoe."

Ugh, I think. What a cat! There was no cat under the window. And Fedka Kukushkin from the third desk also raised his voice:

"Three maidens by the window,
Ate a ceiling lamp

Same for me, friend! I'm in the bidet, and he scoffs. I even got wet, I felt so bad. And here Svetka Pyaterkina squeaked to the whole class:

"Three maidens by the window,
Sat in a puddle naked"

Everyone laughed like crazy. And Maria Ivanovna took the pen and announced loudly:

"Three maidens by the window,
They ate a deuce with a diary "

And that was the last clue. And she slapped me such a couple, be healthy.
“Oh, you,” I said to the guys after the lesson. “What, you couldn’t tell normally!?
“But we didn’t intend to,” said Svetka Pyatyorkina. “We have decided to fight the clues from today.
– And from tomorrow they couldn’t! I sighed and went home to study.

Yesterday afternoon, in math class, I firmly decided it was time for me to get married. And what? I'm already in the third grade, but I still don't have a bride. When, if not now. A couple more years and the train left. Dad often says to me: At your age, people already commanded a regiment. And it is true. But first I have to get married. I told my best friend Petka Amosov about this. He sits at the same desk with me.
“You are absolutely right,” Petka said decisively. - We will choose a bride for you at a big break. From our class.
At recess, the first thing we did was make a list of brides and began to think about which one of them I should marry.
“Marry Svetka Fedulova,” says Petka.
- Why on Svetka? I was surprised.
- Freak! She's an excellent student, - says Petka. “You’ll be cheating on her for the rest of your life.
“No,” I say. - Svetka is in a bad mood. She also crammed. Will make me teach lessons. He will dart around the apartment like a clockwork and whine in a nasty voice: - Learn your lessons, learn your lessons.
- We're taking it out! Petka said decisively.
- Can I marry Soboleva? I ask.
- On Nastya?
- Well, yes. She lives near the school. It’s convenient for me to see her off, I say. - Not like Katka Merkulova - she lives behind the railway. If I marry her, why should I drag myself all my life to such a distance? My mom doesn't let me walk in that area at all.
"That's right," Petka shook his head. - But Nastya's dad doesn't even have a car. But Mashka Kruglova has one. A real Mercedes, you will drive it to the movies.
- But Masha is fat.
Have you ever seen a Mercedes? Petka asks. - Three Mashas will fit in there.
“That’s not the point,” I say. - I don't like Masha.
- Then let's marry you to Olga Bublikova. Her grandmother cooks - you will lick your fingers. Remember, Bublikova treated us to grandma's pies? Oh, and delicious. With such a grandmother, you will not be lost. Even in old age.
“Happiness is not in pies,” I say.
– And what is it? Petka is surprised.
“I would like to marry Varka Koroleva,” I say. - Blimey!
- And what about Varka? Petka is surprised. - No fives, no Mercedes, no grandmother. What kind of wife is this?
- She has beautiful eyes.
- Well, you give, - Petka laughed. - The most important thing in a wife is a dowry. This is what the great Russian writer Gogol said, I heard it myself. And what kind of dowry is this - eyes? Laughter, and nothing more.
“You don’t understand anything,” I waved my hand. “The eyes are the dowry. The best!
That was the end of the matter. But I didn't change my mind about getting married. So know!

They came to our school yesterday to get a flu shot. They say that all children will be vaccinated without fail. I almost fell off my chair when I heard about it. I have never been vaccinated in my life.
“They say it hurts a lot,” said Tolik, adjusting his glasses. - I know exactly!
“Some people lose consciousness from pain right during the injection,” said Svetka Ovsyankina.
- Just think, consciousness, - Fedka began to intimidate everyone. - Some people's legs are taken away from fear. Then they can't walk for two weeks.
“And others scream so much in pain that they can’t speak for a whole year,” Andrei said.
“Oh, maybe we should run away from school,” I suggested. - Well, let's get out the window and tear.
“Have you forgotten, our class is on the second floor,” Tolik twisted his finger at the temple. - Let's break down.
- Dimka Puzyaev from 2 a, I saw a nurse who will give us injections! - running into the classroom, shared Pashka Bulkin. - Wow, scary...
Is the nurse scary? I got scared.
“Not a nurse,” Anton waved him off. - And the needle with which injections are made. A syringe, generally the size of a cucumber.
- They will inject with such a needle - it won’t seem enough, - Fedka rubbed the injection site in advance. - Such a needle can easily pierce a person through and through.
- She, they say, used to stab cows on the farm, - Pashka added fuel to the fire, - she is very strong!
- Who is the cow? I didn't understand.
“What a cow, nurse,” Pashka got angry. “If she could handle the cows, then she can handle us even more.”
“She needs to stab cows, that people, there is no difference,” Svetka interjected. - What am I, a cow or what!?
“And she also has an iron grip,” Pashka continued to scare us. – She was engaged in the barbell in the past. Beneath it, I heard the bars were breaking in two.
- This is strength! Anton said respectfully.
“And those who are afraid or break out, she ties to the table with special harnesses,” Pashka recalled. - To not break out.
"I'm f-scared," I admitted honestly.
“Here you are, it means they will definitely tie you up,” said Svetka. - Stay calm.
And then the door opened and our teacher Marya Stepanovna entered the classroom.

- First class vaccination
Have you heard it's you...

I used to know these verses by heart. And I always found it funny when I read them aloud to my parents or friends. And now, something is not funny to me at all.
- Marya Stepanovna, something is not good for me, the temperature, probably, - I say. - Let me go home.
“No, my friend,” the teacher says. “We’ll go for a vaccination, and we’ll all go home.”
A line of guys lined up outside the doctor's office. There were first class and second, and even third. We got to the very back of the queue.
“Maybe she doesn’t have enough vaccines for all?” - Tolik said hopefully, adjusting his glasses sliding down his nose. - There are so many of us.
“They say they brought a whole barrel, one of the guys saw it,” Pashka answered.
“All the guys, we are gone,” Igor shouted, running up to us with the guys.
- How? Why? we shouted.
“The guys said that some people go into the office, and they don’t come back from there,” Igor muttered from fear.
– Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! I was the only one who could say. - Guard!
“People disappear there, as in the Bermuda Triangle,” Igorek continued. - There, Vitka from the 2b grade, went into the office, but did not return back. And Slava didn't come back either.
“Maybe it’s not a nurse at all?” Fedka finally decided.
- Then who? Igor didn't understand.
“Well, I don’t know, some alien from outer space. He gives injections to everyone and the children fly to another planet, - Vadik firmly stated. - I saw it in the movies.
"Stop scaring us," Fedka scowled. - It's scary without you.
“But I don’t think it’s scary,” said Igorek.
“I won’t go first for an injection,” Vadik said. - I'll look at you first, and then we'll see.
- What are we looking at? I asked.
“Well, I’ll see if you fly into space or not,” Vadik replied.
“Oh, you coward,” Igor laughed.
“Are you not a coward?”
But before Igor had time to answer, the office door swung open and a hand with a syringe appeared from there.
- Next! – like a shot sounded someone's voice.
- Go first! Vadik pushed me.
- Go yourself!
“Then you,” Vadik ordered Igorka.
- No way! Vadik clung to the closet with his hands.
- Inoculation, first class, you heard it's you! repeated our teacher again. - And after the vaccination, we immediately go to the cinema.
- To the cinema? we asked in unison.
Yes, in the cinema. For a new horror movie. But remember, I don't have enough tickets for everyone. So, the one of you who is the first to be vaccinated will get into the cinema.
- That's great! shouted Vadik. - Is the movie scary?
- Very scary! Marya Stepanovna screwed up her eyes. About ghouls. - So who is a coward, can not go.
We rushed to the nurse's office and, pushing the others aside, were the first to find ourselves inside.
Two hours later, when the session ended, Pashka said:
- Wow, and the fangs of this ghoul were terrible. Just like knives. Long and sharp.
“I was also very frightened,” said Fedya.
“And I spent half the movie with my eyes closed,” admitted Vadik.
Yes, Pasha said. - This film will be worse than any vaccination.
“Yes, vaccination is generally nonsense,” I said. - Here is a horror movie - yes, a real vaccination.
- Vaccination? - the guys were surprised.
“Yes,” I said decisively. - Vaccination against fear. Now, I'm not afraid of anything.

We have a waste paper collection at our school. I didn't know what it meant, because before that I had never heard such a strange word in my life: "Waste paper".
“These are different old newspapers and magazines,” my grandmother explained to me at home.
- So old newspapers are waste paper? I asked my grandmother.
“Yes,” Grandma nodded.
Why does anyone need old newspapers? I was surprised. - Read?
“Old newspapers are crushed in special machines and made into new paper,” said dad. “Then they print new books on it.” Thus the trees are preserved.
- Trees? - I'm completely confused.
“Yes, because paper is made from wood,” Dad replied, turning on the TV.
- And how much you were told to bring waste paper to school? Mom asked.
- Five kilos each! - I said.
- Wow! Dad said.
“Nonsense,” said grandfather. “Now we will quickly collect five kilograms for you. Each of us subscribes to some magazine or newspaper. And we have a lot of waste paper at home.
- Hooray! - I said.
I ran to the shelf and grabbed a pack of my father's Sport newspapers.
– May I have these newspapers? I asked my dad. - Are they old?
“No, no,” Dad said. I need them, I don't need to take them. Here are some important tables.
What other tables? I was surprised.
“Well, where and when does my favorite football team play,” dad explained. - Take something else.
“Then I’ll take these old magazines,” I said.
“This is Knitting,” Grandma gasped. These are my magazines. They have so many things you need. How can I knit without them? No, granddaughter, I can't give them away.
“Then here are these,” I pointed to a stack of beautiful thin magazines.
“Oh,” Mom exclaimed. These are my cookbooks. Here are some valuable recipes. Take anything but this.
“Oh,” I rejoiced. “Here are some thick boring magazines. They definitely don't need anyone.
- How boring is that? Grandpa got angry. - It's Fishery! The most interesting magazine in the world. Take it off, I won't part. I reread them every day.
“Get your magazines,” Mom suggested. - Look how many of them you have accumulated. And Murzilka, and Read-ka, and even Yeralash. You read them all a long time ago. Pick them up and take them to school. Just five kilograms will be.
- No, what are you! I even got scared. “I will never part with my old magazines. There are poems, riddles, and funny stories from my favorite writers. Do what you want with me, but I won't give them back.
My classmate and I had to run around the neighbors for an hour and beg them for old newspapers.
It turns out that this thing turned out to be necessary in the household - waste paper.

It was spring outside. Well, tell me, is it possible to learn lessons when the weather is so wonderful outside, huh? Clearly, you can't. And only in the evening I remembered that I had not learned history.
And they asked us Archimedes. Well, I think it’s nonsense - Archimedes, this is not some kind of mathematics for you, I’ll learn it in no time.
“Archimedes was born in Syracuse,” I began to read aloud, I remember it better that way.
- Where, where, in the little ones? my younger sister Natashka immediately asked. She always hangs around me.
"Don't interfere," I shouted angrily. And don't confuse me. In Syracuse.
- In the little ones, in the little ones! - Natasha began to tease me on purpose, jumping on one leg near my table.
I turned away from her and looked back at the textbook.
Syracuse is a city on the island of Sicily.
– On the island of Sacivia! Natasha stuck her face out from under the table.
- Don't piss me off! I said sternly. – Satsivi is a Georgian dish. In ancient Greece, they did not know how to cook it.
- Is he Greek? Natasha asked.
- Who?
- Well, is your Ahrimed?
“Not Ahrimed, but Archimedes,” I said. Yes, Greek. – And stop confusing me, it’s not easy for me to memorize all these ancient Greek names anyway.
“I rode a Greek across the river, put a Greek’s hand into the river, a crayfish by the Greek’s hand,” Natashka crackled.
Well, I guess you won't confuse me anyway.
- In Seracusa at that time the powerful king Hieron ruled. He was a relative of Archimedes.
- In corn? the sister was surprised. - Where is this place?
- Do not confuse me! I waved it off. “One day King Hieron…
- King Gilion! sister stuck out her tongue.
I turned away and grabbed my textbook.
- Tsar Macaron, Tsar Barbaron, Tsar Gramophone!
“No, well, what a torment,” I stamped my foot. “Well, let’s get to the kitchen from here!”
“I won’t do it again,” Natasha was frightened. - Do not drive me to the kitchen, there is a spider living behind the stove, I'm afraid of him.
"One more word and you're going to the spider," I warned. - So, where did I stop. Yeah, here. Tsar Gramophone ... ugh, you confused me completely. King Hyperon once instructed Archimedes to find out whether his royal crown was made of pure gold.
And what about Archimedes? Natasha asked.
- Yeah, it became interesting? I rejoiced.
- Yes.
- Well, listen. Ahramed, that is, Archimedes put a crown on his head and so wandered all day through ...
- According to the Peanuts? - Natasha tried to tell.
“Don't confuse me, Syracuse. And then he saw the bath. He ran in there, undressed and flopped into the water with a running start.
- And suddenly…
- What suddenly...
“There was exactly half of the bath water on the floor,” I told my sister.
“My mother would have scolded me for such an outrage,” Natasha sighed.
- Archimedes jumped out of the bath and ran through the streets of the city, shouting "Eureka"! "Eureka"!
What does "Eureka" mean?
- In ancient Greek, it means - "Found"! "Found"!
- What did he find? Natasha didn't understand.
“It says here that he discovered the law of physics in this way,” I read, “how much water poured out of the bath, so much, which means he weighed along with the crown. Understandably?
“No, I don’t understand,” Natasha shook her head.
- What do you not understand?
Did he invent scales?
“You yourself are a scale,” I said angrily. - How much water from the bath, so much the crown and fun.
“Ha ha,” the sister laughed. – The crown is heavy, but the water is light.
“You decided to confuse me completely,” I said. - A lot of water spilled out of the bathroom. Half bath almost. And half a bath is a lot. That's a lot of water.
“So did he invent water or the crown?”
“Archimedes invented the law of Archimedes,” I answered, peeping into the book. - A body immersed in water...
“Ah, I know this law,” Natashka laughed.
- Where? I was surprised. This is not the case in first grade.
“I know,” said the sister, stubbornly. - A body immersed in water becomes wet. Correctly?
- Do not confuse me.
– And what else did your Ahrimed invent? – looking out from under the table, Natasha asked.
– Ahrimed, ugh, Archimedes invented the “Greek fire,” I spied the textbook again. “Fire that hit Roman ships from a distance.

The boy Yasha always liked to climb everywhere and climb into everything. As soon as some suitcase or box was brought, Yasha immediately found himself in it.

And he climbed into all sorts of bags. And in closets. And under the tables.

Mom often said:

- I'm afraid, I'll come with him to the post office, he will get into some empty parcel, and he will be sent to Kyzyl-Orda.

He got very good for it.

And then Yasha took a new fashion - he began to fall from everywhere. When it was distributed in the house:

- Eh! - everyone understood that Yasha had fallen from somewhere. And the louder the “uh” was, the greater was the height from which Yasha flew. For example, mother hears:

- Eh! - so it's no big deal. This Yasha just fell off the stool.

If you hear:

- Eee! - so it's a very serious matter. It was Yasha who plopped down from the table. I need to go and look at his bumps. And on a visit, Yasha climbed everywhere, and even tried to climb on the shelves in the store.

One day my dad said:

- Yasha, if you climb somewhere else, I don’t know what I will do with you. I'll tie you to the vacuum cleaner with ropes. And you will walk everywhere with a vacuum cleaner. And you will go to the store with your mother with a vacuum cleaner, and in the yard you will play in the sand tied to a vacuum cleaner.

Yasha was so frightened that after these words he did not climb anywhere for half a day.

And then, nevertheless, he climbed onto the table with his dad and crashed together with the phone. Dad took it and actually tied it to a vacuum cleaner.

Yasha walks around the house, and the vacuum cleaner follows him like a dog. And he goes to the store with his mother with a vacuum cleaner, and plays in the yard. Very uncomfortable. Neither you climb the fence, nor ride a bicycle.

But Yasha learned to turn on the vacuum cleaner. Now instead of "uh" constantly began to be heard "uu".

As soon as mom sits down to knit socks for Yasha, when all of a sudden all over the house - "oooooo." Mom is jumping up and down.

We decided to make a good deal. Yasha was untied from the vacuum cleaner. And he promised not to climb anywhere else. Papa said:

- This time, Yasha, I will be stricter. I'll tie you to a stool. And I'll nail the stool to the floor with nails. And you will live with a stool, like a dog in a booth.

Yasha was very afraid of such a punishment.

But just then a very wonderful case turned up - they bought a new wardrobe.

First, Yasha climbed into the closet. He sat in the closet for a long time, banging his forehead against the walls. This is an interesting thing. Then he got bored and got out.

He decided to climb into the closet.

Yasha moved the dining table to the closet and climbed on it. But he did not reach the top of the cabinet.

Then he put a light chair on the table. He climbed onto the table, then onto a chair, then onto the back of a chair, and began to climb onto the closet. Already half gone.

And then the chair slipped out from under his foot and fell to the floor. But Yasha remained half on the closet, half in the air.

Somehow he climbed onto the closet and fell silent. Try telling your mom

- Oh, mom, I'm sitting on the closet!

Mom will immediately transfer him to a stool. And he will live like a dog all his life near a stool.

Here he sits and is silent. Five minutes, ten minutes, five more minutes. All in all, almost a month. And Yasha slowly began to cry.

And mom hears: Yasha can’t hear something.

And if Yasha is not heard, then Yasha is doing something wrong. Either he chews matches, or he climbed into the aquarium knee-deep, or he draws Cheburashka on his father's papers.

Mom began to look in different places. And in the closet, and in the nursery, and in my father's office. And everything is in order: dad works, the clock is ticking. And if there is order everywhere, then something difficult must have happened to Yasha. Something extraordinary.

Mom screams:

- Yasha, where are you?

Yasha is silent.

- Yasha, where are you?

Yasha is silent.

Then my mother began to think. He sees a chair on the floor. He sees that the table is not in place. He sees - Yasha is sitting on the closet.

Mom asks:

- Well, Yasha, are you going to sit on the closet all your life or will we get down?

Yasha doesn't want to go down. He is afraid that he will be tied to a stool.

He says:

- I won't get down.

Mom says:

- Okay, let's live on the closet. Now I'll bring you lunch.

She brought Yasha soup in a bowl, a spoon and bread, and a small table and a stool.

Yasha had lunch on the cupboard.

Then his mother brought him a pot on the closet. Yasha was sitting on the potty.

And in order to wipe his ass, my mother had to get up on the table herself.

At this time, two boys came to visit Yasha.

Mom asks:

- Well, should you give Kolya and Vitya a closet?

Yasha says:

- Submit.

And then dad couldn’t stand it from his office:

- Now I myself will come to visit him on the closet. Yes, not one, but with a strap. Remove it from the cabinet immediately.

They took Yasha out of the closet, and he says:

- Mom, I didn’t get off because I’m afraid of stools. My dad promised to tie me to a stool.

“Oh, Yasha,” says mom, “you are still small. You don't understand jokes. Go play with the guys.

And Yasha understood jokes.

But he also understood that dad did not like to joke.

He can easily tie Yasha to a stool. And Yasha did not climb anywhere else.

Yasha was good to everyone, he just ate badly. All the time with concerts. Either mom sings to him, or dad shows tricks. And he gets along:

- I do not want.

Mom says:

- Yasha, eat porridge.

- I do not want.

Papa says:

- Yasha, drink juice!

- I do not want.

Mom and dad got tired of persuading him every time. And then my mother read in one scientific pedagogical book that children should not be persuaded to eat. It is necessary to put a plate of porridge in front of them and wait for them to get hungry and eat everything.

They put, put plates in front of Yasha, but he does not eat and does not eat anything. He doesn't eat meatballs, soup, or porridge. He became thin and dead, like a straw.

- Yasha, eat porridge!

- I do not want.

- Yasha, eat soup!

- I do not want.

Previously, his pants were hard to fasten, but now he dangled completely freely in them. It was possible to launch another Yasha into these pants.

And then one day a strong wind blew.

And Yasha played on the site. He was very light, and the wind rolled him around the site. Rolled up to the wire mesh fence. And there Yasha got stuck.

So he sat, pressed against the fence by the wind, for an hour.

Mom calls:

- Yasha, where are you? Go home with the soup to suffer.

But he doesn't go. He is not even heard. He not only became dead himself, but his voice became dead. Nothing is heard that he squeaks there.

And he squeaks:

- Mom, take me away from the fence!

Mom began to worry - where did Yasha go? Where to look for it? Yasha is not seen and not heard.

Dad said this:

- I think our Yasha was rolled away somewhere by the wind. Come on, mom, we'll take the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind will blow and the smell of soup will bring to Yasha. On this delicious smell, he will crawl.

Alyosha's parents usually returned home late after work. He came home from school on his own, warmed up his lunch, did his homework, played and waited for mom and dad. Twice more a week Alyosha went to a music school, she was very close to the school. From early childhood, the boy got used to the fact that his parents work hard, but he never complained, he understood that they were trying for him.

Nadia has always been an example for her younger brother. An excellent student at school, she still managed to study at a music school and help her mother at home. She had many friends in the class, they went to visit each other and sometimes even did homework together. But for the class teacher Natalya Petrovna, Nadia was the best: she always managed to do everything, but she also helped others. There was only talk both at school and at home about what “Nadya is a smart girl, what an assistant, what Nadya is a smart girl.” Nadia was pleased to hear such words, because it was not in vain that people praised her.

Little Zhenya was a very greedy boy, he used to bring sweets to the kindergarten and did not share with anyone. And to all the remarks of Zhenya's teacher, the parents answered like this: "Zhenya is still too small to share with someone, so let him grow up a little, then he will understand."

Petya was the most pugnacious boy in the class. He constantly pulled the girls' pigtails, and tripped the boys. Not that he really liked it, but, as he believed, it made him stronger than the rest of the guys, and this, of course, was pleasant to realize. But there was a downside to this behavior: no one wanted to be friends with him. Especially went to Petya's neighbor on the desk - Kolya. He was an excellent student, but he never allowed Petya to cheat at his place and did not prompt him on the control ones, so Petya was offended by him for this.

Spring has come. In the city, the snow turned gray, began to settle, and cheerful drops came from the roofs. Outside the city was a forest. Winter still reigned there, and the sun's rays barely made their way through the thick branches of the spruce. But then one day something stirred under the snow. A stream appeared. He murmured merrily, trying to get through the blocks of snow up to the sun.

The bus was stuffy and very crowded. He was squeezed from all sides, and he already regretted a hundred times that he decided to go to the next appointment with the doctor in the early morning. He was driving and thinking that quite recently, but in fact seventy years ago, he went by bus to school. And then the war began. He did not like to remember what he experienced there, why stir up the past. But every year on June 22, he locked himself in his apartment, did not answer his calls and did not go anywhere. He remembered those who volunteered for the front with him and did not return. The war was also a personal tragedy for him: during the fighting near Moscow and Stalingrad, his father and older brother were killed.

Despite the fact that it was only the middle of March, the snow had almost melted. Streams ran through the streets of the village, in which, overtaking each other, paper boats floated merrily. They were launched by local boys, returning home after school.

Katya dreamed about something all the time: how she would become a famous doctor, how she would fly to the moon, how she would invent something useful for all mankind. Katya also loved animals very much. At home, she had a dog Laika, a cat Marusya and two parrots, which her parents gave her for her birthday, as well as fish and a turtle.

Mom came home from work a little early today. As soon as she closed the front door, Marina immediately threw herself on her neck:
- Mom, mom! I almost got run over by a car!
- What are you doing! Come on, turn around, I'll look at you! How did it happen?

It was spring. The sun was shining very brightly, the snow had almost melted. And Misha was looking forward to summer. In June, he turned twelve years old, and his parents promised to give him a new bicycle for his birthday, which he had long dreamed of. He already had one, but Misha, as he himself liked to say, "outgrew him a long time ago." He did well in school, and his mom and dad, and sometimes grandparents, gave him money as praise for excellent behavior or good grades. Misha did not spend this money, he saved it. He had a large piggy bank where he put all the money that was given to him. Since the beginning of the school year, he had accumulated a significant amount, and the boy wanted to offer his parents this money so that they would buy him a bicycle before his birthday, he really wanted to ride.

Eternal heading "Our children".
He told his daughter the fairy tale "Cinderella", as he himself remembered. And he remembered well. I get to the description of the ball:
- And the main thing at the ball was the king's son - the Prince, it's his birthday. And then he saw Cinderella, fell in love with her and all evening could not take his eyes off her ...
The impressionable Milochka bit her lip in horror:
- Dad, dad, why did he want to tear her eyes off her ?!
Existence determines consciousness?

Saturday morning. We sit with our daughter in the kitchen, we drink tea with sandwiches. My child has just started to learn English at school, and so far she is interested in everything that is connected with this. And I have a kitten drawn on the mug and the inscription - "Have a perfect day!"
Look, look at this, she finally asks:
- Dad, what is written?
- Good luck, have a wonderful day!
- Nope .. and you say in English.
- Have e perfect day!
- How how?
- HAVE E PERFECT DAY!
My child thought, carefully chewing a sandwich, but his mouth was still full, his forehead wrinkled - he thinks, remembers :)) Then he puts his mug aside, swallows everything, puts his hands on his knees, straightens his back, and loudly gives out with genuine happiness that she remembered a whole English phrase:
- HAVE E DO NOT DO FUCK DAY!!.
:-)) to say that I was lying on the floor laughing is to say nothing. Now there is another catchphrase in the family.

My son was just over a year old, and then friends invited him to the wedding. A neighbor was asked to sit with the child. Seduced by a large collection of videos. There's something to do: we left at seven in the evening and at nine we need to put him to bed and in 5-10 minutes he will fall asleep.
We returned at 12. We were greeted by an utterly weeping son and a deadly tired neighbor.
- Your child is not normal! Everything was fine, I put him in the crib, he fiddled for another 10 minutes. I see that he wants to sleep, but he just played out, I decided to scare him a little. I say: "lie quietly, otherwise the babai will come !!!" Oh how he jumped. "Babai will come! Babai will come!" Where has the dream gone? And then he burst into tears: "De Babay?" Well. what kind of child?
They barely explained to the neighbor that our mother is Tatar and "Babai" in Tatar is grandfather! And the grandson loves his grandfather, probably more than his parents.

I leaf through my daughter's school diary, wince, sigh... My daughter asks sympathetically:
- What do you think, dad, is the street or bad heredity to blame for everything?

Conversation with daughter (3 years old):
- Dad, I'll hit the bad girl on the head with my fist!
- Lisa, do good girls fight with their fists?
- And then I'll take a hammer and how I'll hit the bad girl on the head!
- Lisa! A hammer only hammers nails.
- And I'll take a nail and put a bad girl on the head!
Nothing to cover. Logics.

My daughter is in elementary school. As usual at this age, constantly talking. From time to time, imitating TV presenters, he "leads the program", commenting on his every step.
So, from the toilet comes:
"Hello, we are starting our transmission. Sorry, in such a form and from such a place ..."

For what I bought, for that I sell.
In the taiga, some employees of nature reserves, weather stations, etc. often live in families, and with children. In one of these families, a small peanut, who had already learned to walk firmly, but still could not pronounce all the letters, the father brought from the hunt a flightless wounded screamer (such a duck). The small one got used to the duck, then tied a rope to his neck and the wounded animal was forced to follow the little one everywhere.
Sobsno, plot.
One of the visiting workers decided to lisp with a cute baby, who, moreover, also leads a duck on a leash:
- Uchi-way ... (blah-la). And what do you have, duck?
To which the kid, with a stern look and a sense of superiority over an overgrown d#bil, who does not understand the elementary, quipped:
- Dus, f^&t! (the letter G, alas, is not yet pronounced). :)))

The wife works as a nanny. Somehow I came to work with my 12-year-old daughter, and there in the family there was an 11-year-old boy and an 8-year-old girl.
Children have known each other for a long time, from the cradle you can say. She asked what to cook for them for dinner. We ordered borscht with one voice.
He says: Go, run in the yard, and you will return home - buy two small beets for borscht, one carrot and pasta (small).
They arrive in half an hour, and in the package - two beets, one carrot and ... a tube of Colgate toothpaste.
She laughed and said: "Now I'll cook borscht for you, on toothpaste!"
None of them even thought why the "paste" is needed.
By the way, they could bring spaghetti ...

The little son came to his father and asked the baby ...
Yesterday my son asked:
"Did the Muscovites help the Russians fight against the Nazis?"
For half an hour they explained that Muscovites are also Russians ...

I am walking down the street, children are running, a boy and a girl, 6-7 years old in appearance. Holding hands. Here the girl stops her companion and, embarrassed, lowering her eyes, asks:
- And when we grow up, will you marry me?
- Not.
The girl looked up in surprise and frightened eyes:
- Why??
- Because you will go every day for a manicure and I will not have enough money for gasoline.

The child does math.
First grade!!!
The creators of textbooks have gone crazy, already tasks with Xs !!!
Well, yes ... actually the story.
We sit, analyze the problem (me and my daughter):
- Well, you see - there are three X's - what's that? (hinting that they are unknown)
- Vin Diesel, or what? - Mysteriously and smiling, rejoicing at her guess, said the daughter :)
This is how you understand the math...

When I was little, all sorts of quizzes and pranks were still popular on TV. Once I called there to give my answer, and they asked me live on air how old I am.
I was so dumb that I'm only 7 that I said with all the seriousness of a child's voice that "I'm 36, like my mother" ..

A friend’s daughter in kindergarten at breakfast clinked a glass of kefir with a neighbor on the table and asked:
- Irochka, what is it?
With a straight face, she replied:
- Olga Fedorovna, let me talk to my friend normally!

I read to my daughter (4 years old) the fairy tale Terem-Teremok:
- A man was driving with pots and lost one pot ...
She suddenly:
- Hee-hee, ha-ha-ha-ah...
- What's so funny? :-0
- Pot lost-yal... :)). Where did he take the pots? Why does he need a potty? Is he a little one sitting on a potty?
It got to me. Apparently the association with the NIGHT pot. Straight to Freud.

I came home from work, my daughter (6 years old) stays at home due to illness.
I walk around the apartment and say: "Does it smell strange to us?"
Daughter: "What? I don't smell of anything."
“It seems like the neighbors are making moonshine,” I answer.
To which my child prodigy gives out: "I don't know how moonshine smells, so I don't smell of anything!"
The curtain.

As a child, I was sent to a speech therapist (I needed a "test" to enter school). I spoke, by the way, perfectly normal.
When I asked my grandmother what kind of doctor she was, she said that this doctor determines whether I speak correctly or not, and it turns out that some children speak incorrectly!
All the way to the doctor, I thought and decided that I was definitely saying something wrong and this doctor would be useful to me!
At the reception at the speech therapist, I portrayed, as it seemed to me, a real French "r", and about "l" I said that this letter should not be pronounced at all (and I did not fall for the provocation of the speech therapist "how do we say L").
Then he recovered in one lesson ...
Both parents and doctors were shocked, however, each for their own reason.

Once, our good friends brought their child to one of the many schools for geeks (they told me this story).
There is an interview, during which a specially trained aunt-psychologist asked Vitenka to tell her what is the difference between a bus and a trolleybus? Vitenka, being a very honest, six-year-old boy, did not hide anything from his aunt and told her that the bus runs on an internal combustion engine, and the trolleybus runs on alternating current (on an electric motor)!
It turned out that the young child prodigy was wrong! According to an aunt who studied at a cool institute for a long time, a trolleybus with horns, and a bus without. And do not fool the poor aunt's head ...

The other day, with difficulty, I dragged my own child to the zoo - culturally distracted from the round-the-clock game of chips with yard friends. I feel like a very correct and loving mother, fulfilling parental duty, which happens very infrequently due to total employment. In general, the atmosphere is joyfully solemn.
We examine the beasts and animals, along the way I give feasible comments so that my eight-year-old son takes with him from the zoo not only an armful of new plastic "spidermen" and cardboard "Pokemons", but also some new information regarding exotic fauna.
So, we looked at a huge giraffe - close, you can even pet it if you wish. Let's move on to the birds. We consider an ostrich, then - a stand with eggs of different birds. I'm talking about what a big bird is an ostrich, what strong legs it has; at the stand I show that ostrich eggs are the largest (“Look, baby, ... the largest in the world”, etc.)
To which the child loudly and in all seriousness, thoughtfully says:
- Yes, but what kind of eggs does a giraffe have! ...
The crowd around fell down, as if on command to "lie down" ... - It's okay, you didn't see a puddle in the grass.
- Nu here is, to you claims there is no, - woman smiled.
Here we are all doused with water from the road by a passing car. The woodpecker behind the wheel didn’t even slow down in front of the puddle, let alone go around it, drove it to stop right there, at 20 meters, at a red traffic light. Classic "Silver Dream Racer".
- It looks like we've already walked up, right, daughter? You can’t forgive everyone, - Mom immediately became sad.
- No, mom, you can also forgive an uncle in a car, - the girl did not agree and added in the same calm, angelic voice: - Just tear his legs out.

In our kindergarten, when prefabricated groups are formed for the summer, there was such a story.
The first day, the teacher has children from three groups. There are their own, but most of them are strangers.
In the evening, everyone was taken apart, one child remains. Sitting and playing in the sandbox. Teacher on the veranda. Starts to worry.
- Who should come for you?
- Dad.
Well, dad so dad, sit on. There is no dad. And that's it, the kindergarten is already empty, one guard, and there is no one to ask.
I went and took the lists where the parents' phone numbers are to call. Asks:
- What is your name?
- Petya Smirnov.
She went through all the lists. There is no such child in the lists, even if you crack! And what to do? If there was an understandable child, I would take it home, and that would be the end of it. And here?
And this one, most importantly, sits, plays as if nothing had happened. Usually, if the child is not taken away for a long time, he has a tantrum, and the teacher comforts him. And here it's the other way around. At least something for the child, but the teacher is already sausage not like a child.
- Well, where is your dad?
- At work.
- And when will he come for you?
- He will not come.
- WHY?!!
- He watches football. When he watches football, it is better not to touch him.
- Does he watch football at work?
- Well, yes, at work.
- What kind of work is this, that they watch football there ?!
- He works as a security guard.
- Where?
- In kindergarten.
- IN WHICH?!
- Well, here ... In this garden. In your. He said: “Get out of sight, and so that I don’t see you until the end of football!”. Here I am sitting. Why don't you leave? Eh! You, probably, also kicked out of the house until the end of football.

Daughter is three years old. My wife and I are setting her up for the near future: first you will go to kindergarten, then to school, and then to college. She remembered.
They went with their mother to get a kindergarten. While the wife was talking with the manager, the child was allowed to play in a group.
When the wife resolved all the issues with the reception and went in for her daughters, then she comes out with a businesslike look and says:
- That's it, I went to kindergarten, went to school !!!

This section of our site contains stories of favorite Russian writers for children 7-10 years old. Many of them are included in the main school curriculum and the extracurricular reading program. for 2nd and 3rd grade. However, these stories are not worth reading for the sake of a line in the reader's diary. Being classics of Russian literature, the stories of Tolstoy, Bianchi and other authors have educational and educational functions. In these small works, the reader is faced with good and evil, friendship and betrayal, honesty and deceit. Younger students learn about the life and way of life of previous generations.

The stories of the classics not only teach and edify, but also entertain. Funny stories of Zoshchenko, Dragunsky, Oster are familiar to every person since childhood. Plots understandable to children and light humor made the stories the most readable works among younger students.

Read interesting stories of Russian writers online on our website!

The section is under development and will soon be filled with interesting works with illustrations.